Laurel: Well, now we've run out of clever things to say. We've excised all the gold, and you deleted it. We could have been fucking filthy rich.

Talkin bout love and sex and power, All our polyamateur hour.

Daniel: Well, we did get some feedback that we better frickin uh, um, trademark this name, the name of the podcast.

Laurel: Who? Who?

Daniel: From the people who I told, oh, I didn't tell you my story from work.

Laurel: What happened at work?

Daniel: We were recording a commercial for, for a

Laurel: composter. Wow. Tell me more.

Daniel: And they, they said, do you have a podcast?

Daniel: And wait, they're just like, Hey, do you have a podcast? Is that just a thing? People ask each other. No way. Yeah. Oh, it's like what they didn't even ask. Do you have a podcast? I think it was uh, what's your podcast.

Daniel: I'm like, well, we're just about to start it. And then they're like, okay, but what's it called?

Nichole: They really care about branding. They do. Yeah.

Daniel: And then I said, poly amateur hour. And , a hush fell over the room.

Laurel: Panties dropped.

Daniel: Yeah. And they said, Oh my god,

Laurel: that's awesome! Did they say it

Nichole: like that?

Daniel: They said, you better, you better trademark that right away.

Nichole: Really?

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: I mean, I guess, whatever. We can do that. How does,

Laurel: do you just mail it to yourself? Do we write the name on a piece of paper and mail it to ourselves?

Daniel: Does it go against our, our polyamorous ethos to just immediately trademark it? This is

Laurel: mine and nobody else can have it.

Daniel: Yeah. I thought we were anti capitalist too.

Nichole: Yeah. Which means we inherently don't care about the product that we're putting out.

Nichole: Not enough to um, make sure that people can actually find it and that there aren't like a million duplicates of it.

Laurel: What I heard is, yeah, if you're an anti capitalist polyamorous, you don't get boundaries.

Nichole: That's right. Yeah. Yeah. You don't believe in boundaries. You don't believe in boundaries. And it's a sex fest 24 7.

Daniel: Sex without borders. You just, you just run back and forth into Canada.

Nichole: Also really not

Daniel: into feelings. Yeah. Ugh. Ewww. Welcome to Polyamateur Hour.

Laurel: We're the professionals.

Daniel: Yeah. Obviously, obviously there's a lot of thought has gone into the careful organizationing and, and scripturaling of our podcast.

Daniel: I'm Daniel. And I've been. Practicing polyamory since I was around 30. So that's uh, just uh, two or three years.

Daniel: That's uh, about 16 years. I'd like to think that I was always poly because I was really just failing at monogamy before I really decided to start practicing polyamorous relationships either because I would stray in mind. Or body or the other person, or I would get, or I would get jealous and concerned and I would project that the other person was going to.

Daniel: And then once I went um, became polyamorous, my relationships actually started lasting for more than like two or three months. It was, it was a small miracle.

Laurel: I love the phrase. I love it. Stray in mind and body to describe

Nichole: cheating. Like he's just taking a walk and he just goes off the path.

Daniel: I mean, it depends on what park you're strolling through.

Daniel: That can actually, it can actually happen that way.

Laurel: Portland's changed.

Daniel: Uh, So yeah, I am married to Nicole. And have a long term relationship, partnership with Laurel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole, I'm Daniel's wife. And it's interesting when we think about like practicing polyamory and putting a time to it, a timeline.

Nichole: Because I would say that. Our relationship was my first, like, consensually non monogamous relationship. I practiced non monogamy poorly in my early twenties. Oops. And, when we first started dating eight years ago Again, that was like the first time that I intentionally was non monogamous with a person.

Nichole: I would say we started practicing polyamory maybe like two or three years ago. It's something that I always wanted, but I never knew how to Go about it.

Laurel: Laurel. It's a good journey. Hi, I'm Laurel. Daniel's partner, Nicole's metamore. I started practicing polyamory like eight or nine years ago. Definitely one of those people who like. Is oriented toward polyamory. There's like that discussion of like, is it just a lifestyle or a preference or is it an orientation?

Laurel: And I think that answer is dependent on who you are maybe, but like, I definitely feel oriented toward it. And like, I remember as a, a youth, like, Like monogamy never really like making sense to me and wondering why like culturally we practiced it. I had no like knowledge or framework that there was like an alternative to like compulsory monogamy.

Laurel: I was in my thirties and monogamously married also strain and body and mind, I was a filthy rotten cheater which sucked for everybody. Yeah. And then at some point Yeah. Discover that polyamory was a real thing that like real people were practicing and doing and decided that I didn't want to live a lie anymore.

Laurel: And I think like, like dove in pretty hard, like, listened to the podcast, read the books, like figured out like the way that I wanted to practice it and then kind of like went balls to the wall with it.

Nichole: I'm trying to nod instead of going. I know. I was doing that before too.

Laurel: Do you want to edit out all of my, yeah, yeah.

Laurel: Interesting.

Nichole: But I think, sorry, go on baby.

Daniel: I wasn't saying anything, but you could feel, you could feel the words. You took a

Nichole: breath. You took a breath.

Daniel: I was just excited. I was just thinking about how earlier, Nicole, you had said that we had been really only practicing polyamory as opposed to non monogamy for maybe three years.

Daniel: And I think that that actually uh, might be. evidence that that's when I met, about when I met Laurel. And that's

Nichole: exactly what I was thinking.

Daniel: And so it was the first time that I think I'd really fallen in love with somebody. , since we had started seeing each other, , I tried, but it was a little bit like, , the meme, is this love?

Daniel: I was never quite. kind of dedicated enough to divide my eggs into multiple baskets. I was always like, I got to go home and be asleep by nine. I, um, which hasn't changed. Well, no, no, no. I still, now I sleep over. I just medicate heavily for your, for your cat jungle, your house so that I don't sneeze all night and scratch my eyes out.

Nichole: He's asleep by nine. It's just, Um, so I'm really glad to be doing this podcast with both of you because I think that our experiences for me with with each of you have been kind of central to me discovering who I am and what an ideal relationship looks like for me.

Nichole: Well, I think it's going to provide a lot of good reflection for us, but also like sharing with listeners what our journey is, because I think I think it would, it's an interesting look at three people who are in relationship with each other to various degrees.

Nichole: the current moment, right?

Laurel: Yeah. Especially like reading books that are already like priorly published and some of which like existed in a, you know, different era to where we are now. And then like like I do love talking about relationships in, in general.

Laurel: And so I like listening to like people sort of theorizing about like how we relate with one another. But but there is something like very Different and unique about seeing like a practical exploration of it rather than just like, theoretically, because, because theoretically, a lot of things are like, good and right to do in relationships or appropriate ways to behave, but like, that's like in a vacuum, and it's like, you, none of us, None of us exist in a vacuum.

Laurel: And so it's all a lot messier. Does this, is

Daniel: this a commitment to uh, air our dirty laundry on the podcast. Everybody stay tuned.

Laurel: So I went to art school and it was a joke. Wow, I'm really going to out myself for a minute.

Laurel: It was kind of a joke that like, if you slept with me, I was going to make art with, about you.

Laurel: And like, now this is going to be the new iteration of that. Like, like if you sleep with me, I'm going to talk about you on my podcast. ,

Daniel: so we're calling it poly amateur hour. In part because we are not, uh. though we, occasionally play doctors in the bedroom.

God.

Daniel: You know, Nicole has this, this uh, Oh God, whenever I make a dirty joke. Uh, That I think that we can program into our podcast interface

Laurel: just

Daniel: as a Sam soundboard thing.

Daniel: So I don't even, if I can beat her to it,

Nichole: I

Daniel: just make the joke and then hit it. And then she's just going to be robbed of her moment.

Nichole: Oh, do you want one clean? All right, here we go. Okay.

Daniel: Generic sex joke.

Nichole: Oh God. That was good. You've heard it a million times.

Daniel: So we are not professionals. We are amateurs at this just like everybody else.

Daniel: And we're going to be trying to like grow and be better people. Um So I think that that's one of the reasons why we're poly amateur hour. Also it's kind of a variety show. Um, We're going to be doing a lot of different things.

Daniel: We're going to be taking questions and offering semi sound advice, very subjective advice, grounded in our own personal experiences. Um, We're gonna um, Let's share uh, a segment that we like to call uh, Crazy Sexy Polly.

Is it sexy? Call me!

Daniel: Because everybody knows the life of a polyamorist is non stop sex so, recently we all took a trip together for the first time to Las Vegas.

Laurel: Oh, yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. We got a suite. We packed the luggage full of sex toys, lubes, and condoms. And then we spent three days doing cosplay at a Star Trek convention. And going to sleep at like nine o'clock.

Nichole: And I slept on the fold out.

Daniel: Yeah, and Nicole slept on the fold out.

Nichole: Mm hmm. That's gonna turn somebody on.

Laurel: here's the thing, as the gays tried to make themselves more appealing to mainstream culture, it was like, no, we're like family friendly.

Laurel: We're just like you. And I feel like polyamory, like folks in polyamory have really tried to do that, like like Like, Oh, stop asking me about sex. Like, you know, you, you revealed someone you're polyamorous and then they're like, Oh, well, do, do all of your partners sleep with each other? Like, those are like common questions that come up.

Laurel: The answer is yes. Yes. I'm in it for the sex.

Daniel: We mostly dog sit for each other. Yeah, give each other rides to the airport. I have gone to the airport more times in the past two years than I think I have in my entire life, honestly.

Laurel: Just giving people rides? Like, I know the billboards on the way to the airport. There's that one for like Father's Day. Have you guys seen that? Oh, I have. It's like the glamour shot of the man and his, it's so sweet. It's so sweet. Yeah.

Nichole: It's literally a family bought a billboard for the father in the family. Yeah. And he's surrounded by his children and he's like hugging his children. And

Laurel: he's like dressed to the nines. Like he looks great. Oh, yes. And it's so, yeah. It is so lovely. That's such

Nichole: a great idea. It is. For a present for

Laurel: somebody.

Laurel: To buy them a billboard. I, like, every time I go buy it, I really hope that that's, like, his route to work every morning. And, like, drives by it every day.

Daniel: I mean, we could afford it better, you know, as a polycule. We could just get a a, you know, a billboard for all of us. Just,

Nichole: it needs to be on the way to the airport so that Laurel can see it every time.

Nichole: Every time she's giving a ride.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Can it just be, thanks. Thanks for taking me to the airport.

Nichole: Or it says you're welcome, Laurel.

Nichole: Yeah.

Nichole: Um, What's another segment that we have?

Daniel: Well, there's the main segment, I think. The, the, the, the main segment. Meat to our sandwich. Nicole? Oh god. There we go. Um, and that segment is called

Nichole: Ask the Amateurs.

Daniel: Oh, should we all do it at once? And that segment is called Ask the Amateurs.

Daniel: Did you do it?

Nichole: No. I didn't feel like participating. What? I felt like sleeping on the fold out.

Daniel: Nicole loves to sleep alone. I really do. I know. .

If you got questions, don't demur, it's time to ask the amateurs.

Laurel: What are the questions that people sent in? We have opening up my secret question app. Okay. The first one that I got which I think is is. funny is how can I bring up and or process a desire to make my only relationship monogamous when it started out as polyamorous? They also allude to the fact that it's funny, ironic that this is the question that they're bringing to our polyamory podcast.

Nichole: The question is how to make their polyamorous relationship monogamous.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: I've never done that. I don't know that I can answer that question. Yeah, I haven't done it either.

Daniel: You know, I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm a cis man.

Laurel: Bring it.

Daniel: I just think that the first thing that you would have to admit in that situation is that you don't have control over the other person's Actions or role in the relationship.

Daniel: And if you want to be monogamous, you can say, I want to be monogamous, but unless you want to really risk that relationship, not surviving, I wouldn't recommend trying to put boundaries on what the other person can do. They call them monopoly relationships where one person is non monogamous, the other is not.

Laurel: Yeah. I guess that's like the first question I would have is like, Like, do you want a monogamous relationship because you don't want your partner to date other people? Or do you want a monogamous relationship because you don't feel like you need to date other people or want that for yourself? And my guess is that they don't want their partner to

Nichole: date other people.

Nichole: You think it's coming from a place of fear or just genuine, they don't want their partner to date other people?

Laurel: It's so hard for me to relate to, like, to think of, it is so hard for me to think of monogamy in general. It's so hard for me to think of monogamy not being from a place of fear. Like, that's my own bias there. Like, I know that was kind of a loaded question of me to ask because one, I don't know this person to, I don't know their motivations.

Nichole: Three, I know nothing about their relationship. Like how long have they been poly started out as poly. What does that Polly look like? Is it parallel Polly? Is it kitchen table Polly? Is it just consensually non monogamous? Yeah. I mean, either way, it's the same for me, the state, it's the same answer going the other way.

Nichole: Right. Like I'm in an. monogamous relationship and I want polyamory, it's just being honest with your partner. Like if those are the feelings that you have, because polyamory is not inherently better than monogamy. It's just a different way of expressing love. Right. So in either case, it is being transparent and honest with your partner.

Nichole: But first, I think getting a transparent and honest with yourself.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: I'm in a similar boat having a hard time imagining monogamy that doesn't have some, some crux of fear to it. We were watching The Bachelorette the other day which we do when, you know, cause we don't do horror movies. hard drugs. So we, when we want to completely, you know, when we want to completely divest from reality and just become you know, numb matrix like pod people, we watched The Bachelorette and it was actually a little triggering for me because recently I have had some like jealousy come up in my relationship with Laurel and it was really like, it was educational seeing.

Daniel: people in this situation where they're completely encouraged to express all the worst tendencies of monogamy, like it's toxic monogamy as entertainment,

Laurel: distilled and refined for your pleasure.

Daniel: Yeah. And it was really like, Ooh, I can identify those emotions that I am seeing these people act badly upon. That said, some people don't function well, In polyamorous or non monogamous relationships, you know, and I'm going to do everything I can to accept that answer this question in good faith.

Daniel: So agree. Yeah. With Laura, you got to think you got to ask yourself what you want out of the situation to, when you approach your partner, if you do approach your partner, about going monogs. You have to be ready for them to say no, and that they do not want to do that because you don't know, you may know, we don't know.

Daniel: Somewhere along the knowing breaks down between your partner and us, whether or not they feel like they're intrinsically inherently polyamorous. In that case, you saying, I want you to be monogamous is going to be the first step to you exiting that relationship.

Laurel: Yeah. Which is scary.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: But I think that's part of like, like why the questions around it are interesting like. I'm curious about it. Cause it's like, what do you actually want? Like, do you actually want a monogamous relationship because you're oriented that way? And like that has less to do with, you know, any particular partner, or is it because.

Laurel: You're actually not getting something that you need from this current partner. And you feel like monogamy is the solve to that when actually there could be like a litany of other things that could potentially solve that. And if like, and sometimes, sometimes these things are at odds, but like, is the goal to be monogamous or is the goal to have like a fruitful, nurturing, healthy relationship with this person?

Nichole: I mean, I think that if the other person wants monogamy, there is a, there is a reality where there is a fruitful, , healthy relationship and they're just choosing to, to, or. Be in monogamy with each other, but I think also just like for some people it's just easier Yeah, you know, there's a road map with monogamy.

Nichole: There's an escalator there's a very clear definition of what it is that you do next I think that's why we're asking all the questions about where this relationship is and how they'd identify Or how they define their relationship who the other partners are is because there is no You roadmap for how you do this.

Nichole: Right. Yeah. It's very much choose your own adventure.

Laurel: You know, that's funny. Cause that's like the only time that monogamy has ever made sense to me is when you're just like, when you break it down into like sort of the style of thinking and like how, how many parameters you want to have around like your own trajectory.

Laurel: And for some people it's like, Oh, I want a very structured life. And for me, I'm like, no, I don't want that, but I can understand that. Like, because I think it's cause I can see it. Like, like I can see it in work relationships where I'm like, okay, you're this kind of thinker and you need to, like, you need to, it's, it's the project manager in me.

Laurel: That's like, oh, I get that. Like, I understand, like, there are steps to this process and, and, You need to like complete things in a particular order. And and like, there are, there is a toolkit around that.

Nichole: I mean, not to like speak for other people, because again, I don't, I've never been in this position, but I have heard people tell, or at least like internet personalities of closing their relationship when they're going through a difficult time.

Nichole: Right. And I think that's because there are external factors that are pressing in on this person and they just need something to make sense and be simple. And polyamory is not simple. It requires a ton of work, not just like with your partners, but within yourself. And if you don't have the capacity to do that, then an option is the standard.

Nichole: Monogamy, the, the straightforward path, but again, I, it feels like we're framing this in a lot of trauma. And that's not my intention. I just, I think it's just, I think it's just simpler for some people if that's what they want.

Daniel: At the same time. Wait, I'm going to, I'm going to do, I'll do this in Nicole style.

Daniel: Yes. And? Nicole, Nicole brings. A lot of improv techniques to her daily work life. It's true. She's a yes and er.

Laurel: She'll be teaching workshops next week.

Daniel: So yes. And polyamory can also be a source of support. In those tough times where in certain contexts, like maybe you're going through something really traumatic medical you know, you're maybe you're a parent and there's some very difficult child rearing things going on.

Daniel: Polyamory also is a way to have a. support system, you know you know, again, that's one of the reasons why um, it's not just about the sex. It's about picking you up from the airport. It's about dog sitting your dogs. I think it is a question of how much order people need and whether or not they need, they react to Stressful situations by reaching for more order,

Daniel: let me, strip everything down, narrow down the, possibilities. I understand that tendency. It's just, I don't. Do that with my relationships. I, I tend to, if I have to streamline and simplify, I don't do it with the people in my life. I do it with my daily routine, you know, things like that.

Nichole: I mean, it wouldn't be my first thought. My first thought would be to reach out to our partners and metamors and ask for help. I've just seen it with internet personalities or like on polyamory

Reddit,

Nichole: you know, I've heard tell of it happening. Yeah.

Laurel: I, I definitely have too. Yeah. Like word of mouth or just like, yeah.

Laurel: Friends of friends kind of thing where like, like I know people who, who open and close their relationships. Oops. Like a clamshell more frequently. I'm like having an internal freak out right now because I'm very depressed right now. And I've been for the past two, three weeks just had like one relationship problem after another Like , if polyamory ever feels like complicated, it feels very complicated right now.

Laurel: And like, not just not just like conflict or like breakup between partners, but partners having conflict between each other and like my like my Depression response in general is Yeah, is to like, narrow and quiet. And And it's really,

Laurel: It's like, really weird. And this is like, this is probably the first like, It's been like several years since I've had like, pretty big, like major depressive episode. And the last one that I had was like leading into my marriage ending and my marriage ended like, wow. While I was like in polyamorous relationship, like we'd opened up our marriage and we'd both been like dating other people.

Laurel: But those other relationships were

Laurel: we're kind of new. I like, I call relationships that are like a year old, like new. And there was, there was definitely like some complication, like I definitely like, wanted my world to be smaller. But now that it's happening, like I have like five relationships that are all like, fairly long term and and like it is so loud, like it is so.

Laurel: And and I'm like fighting, like the instinct, I'm fighting the instinct to just like get smaller and like ignore it and retract from all of my relationships, like really hard. Like, so I, like, I get that like impulse in times of like, you know, distress or trauma to like, want your world to be smaller and like, less complicated.

Laurel: But there's also like, there's also that other knowledge of like, I don't feel like I get to treat people that way for my like, convenience. And And that it's not, like, actually in line with what I want. Like, long term, like, I don't It's not that I don't want to be in a relation with all of these people. It's just that right now it is, like, particularly difficult.

Daniel: Which maybe brings us back to, like Is this a question for our, our dear reader? They're like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? Is, is this a question of them wanting monogamy or is it a question of them wanting. more time and space for themselves, more time and space or commitment from this partner, a slightly quieter, life and existence.

Daniel: And I think that all of these things, you know, to be very Jewish with my answering. I'm going to answer your question with a question. And you're like, what would you like to do?

Nichole: That's what I was thinking is that, wow. We it's great that this question came to amateurs because we answered this question with a question with multiple questions.

Daniel: Also lesson for those writing in. Be a little bit more uh, detailed if you don't want fantastical journeys of joy, depression, whimsy, and terror from your panel here.

Laurel: I mean, that like begs the question of like, like what is the, you know, like the nature of like advice columns and that kind of thing.

Laurel: Cause most of the time when I read responses to them, I'm like, this is not This probably has nothing to do with where the person is actually at or what they actually want to know. And like, to get answers to that kind of shit, you actually have to like, you actually have to like, have a conversation with

Nichole: somebody.

Nichole: Like, like, I think that was one of the things we said nine anecdotes ago. Was have a conversation with somebody.

Laurel: That's it. That is, can you make that into a button? Just, Just, just fucking talk about it. Just talk about it. Just talk about it. This is

Daniel: our first merch. And

Laurel: You know, we're anti capitalist, so we can't sell our merch.

Daniel: We just won't copyright it.

Daniel: So other people can, you can pirate, you can pirate the merch. Uh, it'll be, we want to see like, we want to see a

Nichole: Hong Kong knockoffs

Daniel: of all of our t shirts that are misspelled

Nichole: and stuff. No, I want to see Etsy stores. Yeah. Etsy artists. Man. Yeah. I'm, I mean, I'm jumping ahead of myself cause this is, um, the first episode.

Daniel: Um, Shall we move along home to our next segment?

Laurel: Is this Polly?

Is this Polly or not?

Daniel: Is this Polly is the segment in which we answer the tough questions when a pop culture tries to represent non monogamy in its own crazy pants, distorted ways.

Daniel: And we get to the heart of the matter and ask Is this Polly? First up Couple to throuple.

Laurel: God. Wait, did you guys ever watch the entire, I watched the

Nichole: thing is that I, we watched like three episodes, but you watched the entire series. I

Laurel: watched

Nichole: the entire,

Laurel: because I'm a cheater. Nicole and I. Nicole and Daniel and I, we all started watching it, and then I went on and watched the rest of it with another partner.

Daniel: That's okay. You can have your own relationship with Couple to Thrupple, and we have our relationship with Couple to Thrupple.

Nichole: Yeah. And

Daniel: uh, so Which is

Nichole: half assed.

Daniel: So, so, since you're the, you're the resident Couple to Thrupple expert, Laurel, can you please describe Couple to Thrupple? Couple to

Laurel: Thrupple. So they have all of, it's, it's, it's It's a reality TV game show a la, like, Love Island

Laurel: it's people dating people on TV and then doing weird activities to create drama, stir the pot. So they have like a bunch of couples come on the show and each of these couples is looking for a partner. Third, they want another human being to insert into their current relationship. And then they have this whole pool of singles who, um, theoretically want to be inserted into another existing relationship.

Daniel: Or to be inserted into.

Laurel: Or to be inserted into. God. And so, like, So the couples are like the subjects of the show. Like they get to pick and choose everything. So basically you know, these singles are put on display and partied with, and then if they're interested in dating a couple, they step forward and the couple is like, you, I pick you out of the lineup.

Laurel: And then they try and, And then they immediately move in to their like, hotel suite bedroom with one king size bed in it. My favorite part is that they put like, portraits of the people in the room. So they add, it's like,

Daniel: it's like insta family. It's yeah, it's

Laurel: just insta family. And it's like, we just met.

Laurel: Come into, like, our bedroom, like, it is, it is, like, our bedroom that, you know, it's, you know, a hotel resort or whatever, so it's not actually their room, but it's, like, a place that we've lived in, and, like, set up shop in together, you're just gonna, like, pop into it, we're all gonna sleep in the same bed together, after, like, just meeting each other and this is gonna work, and we're gonna, like, test drive you.

Laurel: Nightmare. Yeah.

Daniel: So did it ever get more like they were actually moving toward being throuples, like having only watched the first few episodes, it seemed more like me some to threesome. So what I mean is that it seemed like more like a Unicorn Hunters show. And I'm wondering if as it went along, if it was more like we're making an actual triad of a relationship or did it stay. Unicorn hunter ish where the other per the third person is like a guest star

Laurel: So I don't think that any of them actually made the leap into that. I think there were moments where I was like, I would get like giddy and I'm like, Their self reflection, like, oh my god, wait, they're actually maybe talking about the thing that they actually need to be talking about rather than, like, dancing around weird issues like we all love to do but I don't think, like, I, like, not within the context of the show did any of them actually get to the point where it was, like, and to be fair, like, I don't know if, like, That can happen.

Laurel: I mean, I'm sure it can, but that setting is not designed to,

Nichole: I was going to say that the con the conceit of the show did not allow for a person having a relationship with each of the two halves of the couple individually. Yeah. Because they framed the show as Couple is seeking a third quote unquote, but they also did all of these exercises to try and walk through jealousy and walk through competitiveness and like, at least in the episodes that we watched.

Nichole: Yeah. So if you are entering into this scenario, With the idea that you are absolutely going to feel jealousy and it's a thing that you have to conquer and it's a thing that it makes you in the wrong, then how are you supposed to have an autonomous relationship with one person and another person? Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah, it's

Nichole: like

Laurel: absolutely

Nichole: like,

Laurel: I'm not sure, I'm not sure if any of the, like, if any of the couples went on that show with the idea in their head that it could actually further them toward like a meaningful triad, but the show definitely did not foster that in any way, shape and form. And like you're saying, like.

Laurel: Everything about it was like, couple is a unit, couple is a unit. Like, there was no, like, honest attempt on the producing side of things to actually understand polyamory or what it means to be in, like, a closed triad or, like, the kinds of things you actually have to do to, like, build those kinds of relationships.

Laurel: It actually, like, it seemed like intentionally subvert and break that down for the sake of entertainment.

Nichole: Well, none of the singles were able to date each other. They couldn't date each other.

Nichole: They could only date

Laurel: the couples. Yeah. I mean, I hope wherever that they were sequestered off to.

Daniel: They were all getting it. Don't get it. I hope

Laurel: that they were all just like fucking crazy.

Daniel: Um, That would have been, it would have been a much better reality show maybe to focus on that, but actually I take it back.

Daniel: It would not have been a better reality show because I'm going, I, I think polyamory does not make good reality TV, cause it's just a lot of people communicating intently. The jealousy is fleeting

Daniel: like if it's, if it's functional, it's boring for everyone. I

Laurel: think that's true for monogamy, too. Like I think functional monogamy doesn't make for good television. Like we just like watching people eat shit.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: That's what reality

Nichole: TV shows are.

Daniel: Yeah. But the conflicts that are built in inherently into the framework of monogamy make for more Drama.

Laurel: It is more salacious because it is way more salacious for a monogamous person to find someone not in their partnership attractive. Whereas for like any of us, like that's not news. Like that's not drama. It just is.

Nichole: I think also just to touch very quickly on the conventions of monogamy and. mapping that onto a non monogamous reality TV show.

Nichole: When we talk about jealousy or working through any of those like typical emotions that you would have in a monogamous setting, potentially, at least for me, the work there is not a blow up. It's introspection and it's self worth work or self work. Which is not going to make for good television because I don't think anybody wants to just watch me journal.

Daniel: I mean I do but you kind of you i'd watch you journal all day You always tell me to stop reading over your shoulder and then it's not nearly as it's not nearly as much fun so I feel like people may be anticipating these answers though. So coupled thruple You Nicole, is this Polly? No.

Daniel: Laurel, couple to thruple.

Laurel: You know, it's unusual, but I'm going to have to agree with Nicole on this one. No.

Nichole: Yeah, that never happens. I'll complete the triad and also say no, couple to thruple is not Polly. Our powers, like I want a Captain Planet thing to happen now. While we all finally agree on something. There will be sound, there will be sound effects. Oh good.

Daniel: So, we do have other segments in mind, but I think we're gonna sit on them for now. Yeah. I'm gonna keep them secret and just spring them on ya.

Daniel: I did the intro. Does someone else want to take the outro?

Laurel: Biddy biddy biddy biddy. That's all folks.

Laurel: Will that resonate for anybody?

Daniel: That is also how Laurel ended her most recent relationship.

Laurel: Yep.

Daniel: Thank you all for joining us on What is this called again? Polyamateur hour. We'll see you next week.

Laurel: Same bat time, same bat channel.

Daniel: Same. I

Laurel: just have a lot of really dated references. Yeah, you do. Someone keep us relevant, please.

Daniel: Polyamateur hour is brat.

Laurel: Okay, cut. We're out. Done.

This has been Polyamateur Hour, a production of Risa Records. If you have a question for Ask the Amateurs, or a recommendation for Is This Poly, please email us at polyamateurhour at gmail dot com. If you enjoyed the show, and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice, leave us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out.

But we hope you tell three. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed, unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time!