Laurel: The denial is strong in me Yep. When it comes to foods I can and cannot eat. I'm still eating dairy full ice cream, baby.
Daniel: Yeah. We've been doing that together. Is it a little bit of a masochism thing? Is it like we get together and we we hurt ourselves?
Nichole: Mhmm. You guys have been eating dairy ice cream together?
Laurel: Yep. Yep.
Nichole: Okay. I'm just gonna ask that maybe this stops when we move in together. Unless you guys are willing to have your own fart cave that I am not in.
Daniel: Well, that can just be Laurel's room.
Laurel: What if we just had, like, little tents? You know, like, they make, like, the sensory tents for kids, like, with people with autism kids.
Nichole: Uh-huh.
Laurel: And we have one of those, like, a little pop up one in every room. Anytime someone has to fart, you have to go over to the tent, unzip the little door, fart into it, zip it up.
Daniel: Talking about love and sex and power,
Nichole: And we'll just spend all of his time in
Nichole: the corner. But
Daniel: you never actually want to, like, open that. You can never open the fart cave. Like, do you remember that TNG episode with the creature that was composed of just pure evil, like, all the hate from that planet, Armis? Yeah. Right?
Daniel: That's the fart cave.
Clip: They perfected a means of bringing to the surface all that was evil and negative within, erupting, spreading, connecting. In time, it formed a second skin, dank and vile.
Daniel: You open it, and it it's just an oil slick that devours people.
Laurel: It it kills your your hot security officer when it makes it
Laurel: cut. Oops.
Daniel: You know, I did have when I was a kid, my dad had this game that he liked to play.
Laurel: I can't
Laurel: wait to hear this.
Laurel: Or rather,
Daniel: I liked to play it probably. But because we just thought it was so funny because I was a small child and he had the sense of humor of a small child. We would make like a little blanket fort.
Nichole: Mhmm.
Daniel: And we would call it inside the blanket fort was called the foot and fart restaurant.
Nichole: Okay.
Laurel: Alright. And you served farts with your feet.
Daniel: We served fart jokes
Laurel: nonstop. I don't think
Daniel: that we really farted in the foot and fart You just restaurant.
Laurel: Served what do It was
Daniel: a conceptual piece.
Laurel: What about
Daniel: It was
Laurel: This is adorable. Yeah. What about the feet part of it?
Daniel: There were feet. They were not it's not like an army hammer venture that we didn't serve feet.
Nichole: Daniel, I did not know that, like, suggesting a fart cave for you two would that you already had a legacy of that.
Laurel: Legacy fart cave.
Daniel: It was inspired, I believe, by the fact that there was this restaurant in Northwest Portland. Mhmm. Like, it was in that strip mall where, like, the elephant deli is now. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Daniel: It was called the Foothill Broiler. And I think that, like, I found it so amusing that there was some foot oriented restaurant that that my dad, like, you know, created a fantasy world. It's like Narnia.
Nichole: Mhmm. But fart jokes.
Daniel: But fart jokes.
Laurel: Farts and fart and foot restaurant?
Daniel: Foot and fart.
Laurel: Foot and fart, please.
Laurel: I'm sorry.
Laurel: Should I make at a foot and fart tonight?
Daniel: This is a is that just how you're going to ask if I wanna hang out with you?
Laurel: Yeah. Did Danny should I make some reservations at foot and fart tonight? Or just, like, when when we have to fart and Nicole's around, I'm just gonna drop in the foot and fart real Do you need me to pick you up anything?
Nichole: Welcome to PolyAmateur.
Daniel: I'm Daniel.
Laurel: I'm Laurel.
Nichole: I'm Nicole.
Daniel: Are you still mad at me, Laurel?
Nichole: Hold on.
Daniel: Oh, by the way, Stuberts, again, this is an episode where Laurel eats, like, really chewy food that, like, sticks in her mouth. It's like when you give a dog peanut butter. That's why this sounds like this today. So what I believe that you have still not forgiven me for in which I'm just obsessing over. I'm having I'm having a spell of my OCD right now.
Laurel: My OCD
Daniel: is that I watched an episode of Buffy without you.
Laurel: Yeah. But he told me this. Daniel was like, oh, I went on a date not date last night. And I'll let him tell the story eventually.
Nichole: Please. Okay. Because all I heard was, Laurel, you were telling me about Daniel telling you a story.
Laurel: And you're never actually hearing the story.
Nichole: I've never I've never heard the story.
Daniel: And that story itself contained the story of me watching a Buffy accidentally. It's just some inception.
Nichole: Accidental okay. Alright. Start at the very beginning.
Laurel: Okay.
Daniel: There was light. Stop.
Laurel: You don't know that.
Nichole: Fast forward.
Daniel: I am very old.
Clip: Sir, is it true that you are 2,000 years old? Oh, boy.
Laurel: Daniel comes over last night, and we're catching up on how our weekends have been. And Daniel proceeds to tell me this story.
Daniel: So so, I went on this interesting surprise, not a date this weekend.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: So it was this woman that I had been corresponding with for a long time. We went on a couple dates years ago, and we had been kind of like bread crumbing a flirtation, like over a long period of time based around Star Trek. So I would send her whenever I did like a cosplay thing, would like send her that and she would be like, Oh, that's wonderful. And this time, like I sent her a photo of us.
Nichole: At the latest At
Daniel: the latest Star Trek Las our legendary cosplay of the Betazoid wedding party from the episode Haven in season one of TNG. And she was like, or whatever how people communicate laughter these days in texts. And was like, Oh, that's so wonderful. You know, I really miss you. We should grab a cocktail or something.
Daniel: And I was like, first, that's a little weird to be like, I miss you when, like, we hadn't one seen each other in a few years and we only went on like two dates. Right? But I was like, okay, sure. Let's go get a cocktail. I'm free tomorrow.
Daniel: And then she was like, great. I'll be coming back from crabbing.
Nichole: Okay.
Daniel: Then shortly before the date, a couple hours before the date, she texts me and is like, so okay. This
Daniel: is
Daniel: a little bit embarrassing, but I think that I might have entered your name incorrectly in my phone. And so she thought that I was this woman named Jen that she used to work with Wait. What? Despite the fact that I have my, like
Laurel: That you've been sending her pictures of yourself?
Laurel: Yeah. And that I have,
Daniel: like, a Jen x Memoji of my bearded face.
Laurel: She was like, okay. Maybe I
Daniel: haven't seen Jen in a while. Maybe she's transitioned. What? Then she's like, but you know what? I could really use a cocktail.
Daniel: You wanna still meet up? And I was like, sure. But, you know, I was anticipating the the flirtations and stuff. So what's your status? Are you monogamous now?
Daniel: Are you you know, what what are you what are you up to? And she was like, oh, I am monogamous, and I am dating women.
Nichole: Okay.
Daniel: And I was like,
Nichole: you know what?
Daniel: This is good for me to, like, just have a a platonic date with somebody that I enjoyed conversations with. She did apologize for the fact that she misattributed my contact. She had been in a car accident, and she had had a a traumatic brain injury.
Nichole: Okay.
Laurel: And it turned her gay. Yes.
Daniel: So okay. Meet her at the bar. It is obvious that she has made some kind of lesbian metamorphosis
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: In her chrysalis. Mullet. You know? Mhmm. She's like she's kinda like stocky and muscular now.
Laurel: She walked in in her car hearts
Daniel: Yes.
Laurel: Holding a crab.
Nichole: Yeah. She went
Laurel: crabbing. Yeah. Yeah.
Laurel: Continue with your story.
Daniel: You You know, had a great time. She was telling me all about, like, the nonprofits that she's worked for and, like, what kind of organizing she's done. Really cool person. You would all really like her? Mhmm.
Daniel: I was kinda tipsy when I got home, and I was like, oh, I'm going put on an angel. So I opened Hulu, and then I don't even think about it, and I just put on a Buffy. And now me and Laurel have been watching Buffy together like it is the show that we are watching. Watching. But But I I watched that entire episode without even really thinking about the fact that I'm watching Buffy.
Daniel: And so this made me think maybe I have also a traumatic brain injury.
Nichole: Okay. Okay. Okay. Wait. Wait.
Nichole: Wait. Wait. Was this person with you when you No. So oh, okay. Now I really understand why Laurel was saying Daniel told me a story to get to the end about how
Laurel: yep.
Nichole: Okay. So I have some edits. Yeah. Oh my god, Laurel. I went out with a friend, and I got a little tipsy.
Nichole: I watched a buffy without you. I'm so sorry. How's that?
Daniel: The journey, though. The journey. The journey.
Laurel: You understand how Daniel got a little tipsy.
Nichole: No. I mean, you know, to be fair, there was a twist in there that I was not expecting.
Laurel: It was a delightful, funny story.
Nichole: Yes. It was.
Laurel: To catch me off guard so that when you got to the real point, I would be too enthralled and delighted by these hijinks.
Nichole: You son of a bitch.
Daniel: I am a little bit worried about myself now, though.
Laurel: Why?
Laurel: Watched a whole episode of Buffy not realizing it wasn't Angel. Yeah. And it wasn't even an episode where Angel is in it.
Daniel: No. But they're just blurring together into this world that I inhabit now. I don't even know who I am. Am I Spike? I'm Spike.
Daniel: Right?
Clip: I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
Laurel: No. You're the Oh. The demon that eats cats.
Daniel: Cutting way back. Cholesterol. Morals. I mean morals.
Laurel: You're the you're the alf demon. Because he's
Daniel: because he's Jewish coded?
Laurel: Yeah. Oh, boy.
Daniel: Believe this, Meshagas?
Nichole: And these people have never seen an apocalypse before. Alright. Well, now I know the story.
Laurel: What's up first today?
Daniel: What do you guys wanna do first? I'm tired of leading at home.
Nichole: Oh god. Mean, that would be an entry into monogamy. Are you okay? I'm not your therapist, but, hey, you're looking tired and kind of cray. You left me 16 texts today.
Nichole: Monogamy, are you okay?
Laurel: Monogamy, are you okay? Is the little segment where we talk about just like some weird monogamy shit. To us, it's all a little freaky. It's some freaky shit. Just, you know, news articles or blog posts or the dating industrial complex or Reddit posts in the monogosphere and ask the important question that nobody is asking.
Daniel: And that is?
Nichole: Monogamy. Are you okay?
Laurel: So good.
Nichole: I just came back from California. So the accent is
Daniel: It's Stupid. She just came back from California, and, like, the first story that she was telling Laurel is about freeways and about how long it takes to get places on various freeways.
Laurel: Okay. On our shortcut through El Segundo, take the 105 West and exit on Comas. When you see the Zanko chicken on my left turn away.
Nichole: Laurel shared an article with us from Playboy, which she only reads for the articles.
Laurel: Every time I go to the bathroom at this house, they have Playboys in their bathroom. I open up one of the centerfolds.
Nichole: The one with, Kathleen Turner.
Laurel: Oh. There are
Nichole: some men once they get a whiff of it, they trail you like a hound.
Nichole: This article titled, we asked the women of SEC about Shrekking, quote unquote.
Laurel: This is the part where you run away.
Nichole: There's a viral theory that beautiful college women are dating down, but they don't quite see it that way. So SEC stands for Southeastern Conference, which I guess is a collection of colleges. Yeah. It's obviously, it's where all dating happens.
Daniel: Uh-huh. It's where the big trends are founded. Right? Yeah. Trendsetters.
Nichole: For the uninitiated, the viral social media trend also called shrekking pokes fun at a cultural stereotype in which gorgeous, well dressed sorority women date below average looking men, often depicted as overweight, frumpy dudes with unkempt hair and a basic frat boy get up. Think polo shirt, khaki shorts. The humor thank you so much. This this guy this author is telling me where the humor
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Nichole: Why it's humorous. The humor comes from the exaggerated contrast or hotness gap,
Nichole: quote, unquote,
Nichole: between the two people with captions like average SEC couple, implying that the pairing is especially prevalent around universities in the SEC.
Daniel: So, Laurel, you did, like, a a full read of this. Right? So you have special insight into the motivation of these trend setting ladies.
Laurel: Yeah. I I do wanna say that this was sent to me by a partner who can't decide whether or not they ever wanna be named on the podcast. So take that. And I like, by the end of the article, I think even the author is like, it's unclear if this is actually a trend or not. Which I'm like, why fucking write an article about it then?
Laurel: Like
Daniel: This is like your, like, favorite type of article. Right?
Laurel: Yes.
Daniel: Is Yeah. An article that is written about, like, an Instagram post or a TikTok video.
Laurel: Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Nichole: It's the majority of journalism right now.
Laurel: Yeah. It's fucking
Nichole: wild. It's wild.
Laurel: And there's a all these quotes at the end by from some frat dude for some reason about accusations that women are just dating for money. And then some sorority woman being told, oh, yeah. We were told to go to college to find our husbands.
Daniel: So so I think the monogamy part, reason why this is a monogamy, are you okay? And just not a humanity, are you okay? Mhmm. Is that they position the motivation of the hot women in this scenario as being about the stability and specifically about the fact that, one, they believe that the ugly, quote, unquote, men, they won't have to work as hard to keep them in a relationship because, also, all men care about is the immediate gratification of the sex and being with a hot woman.
Laurel: What's hilarious about this is that they have some I think it was like a therapist or something make this conjecture.
Nichole: Mhmm.
Laurel: They're like, what do you think it is that's causing this? And some random relationship coach or expert is like, well, yeah, it's because women want stability and men want novelty and date for appearances. So this is why this is happening. If you actually, like, the quotes from the actual women are just like, I would rather date a nice guy.
Nichole: Yeah. I I don't they're very much like, a nice guy who maybe isn't that attractive will treat me better than a super attractive guy who's just gonna go for novelty and and fuck around. So all of these women are like, yeah. I I would rather prioritize feeling valued, supported, and respected. This other woman is like, all that matters is if they treat their partner right, and it's a bonus if he loves Jesus.
Daniel: Yay. Believe in me and ye shall find peace.
Nichole: Like, you know, they're they're not going for looks, and then all the men are like, bullshit. Bullshit. The men say that they're playing the long game, and that's true. The women are playing the long game.
Laurel: Yeah. The long game
Laurel: being a sustainable relationship.
Nichole: Yes. But the long game for men that they think the women are doing is for money. This guy says it was less about looks and more about which fraternity guy can allow me to stay at home in Lulu Lemons one day because his dad is a shipping logistics magnate from the coast.
Daniel: See, a lot of this, I feel like, is based in the perspective of men and has very little to do with what these women are actually doing.
Laurel: Is Yes. Yeah. I feel like it's a lot
Daniel: of, like, sour grapes type of shit going on here where the men are like, oh my god. Why are these hot women dating these meh guys? It must be for money.
Nichole: Yes. The fuck? Can we not win?
Laurel: Also What the fuck? Isn't there something in there too that it's like, I think it's a quote from a guy that's just like, yeah. They think ugly guys can't hurt their feelings, but they can. And then you see this woman crying over an ugly guy. Okay.
Laurel: Which is like, yeah. Again, on the point of someone outside of the actual woman's perspective Mhmm. Like, making assumptions and judgments about the nefarious reasons why a woman would possibly date a man who is not as attractive as her, whatever that means.
Nichole: Okay. For years, they've been saying, why won't you date nice guys? Right? And then now they're saying, goddamn it. Why are you dating nice guys?
Nichole: I don't ever wanna hear that nice guys don't win ever.
Laurel: Yeah.
Nichole: Like, what the fuck? It but and the dark side of this is that it's like, well, we like the nice guys, and then if we break up with them, they kill us. Like, it's disgusting.
Daniel: To be clear, none of these guys are nice.
Laurel: They're wearing polos
Daniel: and you know?
Nichole: They have the skull tin outline on their jeans.
Daniel: It's just a lot of shallow people looking at other shallow people. And I I I don't mean shallow as, like, they only care about looks. I mean, just shallow as far as I don't think, like, none of these people are, I don't think, thinking too deeply about any of this. And the people who are looking at them are looking at them like they're animals in a zoo and conjecturing about their behavior.
Laurel: This is true because also the majority of the quotes, especially the quotes from the women are like 19 and 20 year old women. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you know none of you know what the fuck you want. Yeah.
Laurel: I think we established this in episode a long time ago. You just haven't been alive long enough to know all the words you need.
Daniel: So so so is the monogamy in this situation that is not okay? I don't think that it's the subjects of this article. I think that it is the perspective of the article itself. Yes.
Laurel: Yes. Yes.
Daniel: Like all the guys that are out there, like creating a a word for this as shrekking. The person who thinks that this is the correct kind of Instagram post to create their Pulitzer Prize winning article pawn.
Nichole: To again end with, like, maybe it's a trend. Who knows?
Laurel: Right. Yeah. Definitely. Who knows? Or maybe it was this one video I saw on TikTok.
Daniel: So speaking of there was a segue in there somewhere.
Laurel: It was a Let's just raw dog it. Just what's next? What's happening?
Nichole: I guess speaking of headlines.
Daniel: Yeah. There you go.
Nichole: Okay.
Laurel: That's a one. That's a
Daniel: pretty good one. Yeah. We don't create a little subsegment of monogamy. Are you okay today? Just because we all know that you need variety.
Daniel: Mhmm. And that is subject line war.
Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Daniel: Both me and Nicole have signed up for the mailing lists of certain dating industrial complex organizations or
Nichole: Services or offerings or influencers. Yes.
Laurel: Yeah. And
Daniel: our inboxes are constantly flooded
Laurel: with
Daniel: them.
Laurel: And
Daniel: the subject lines on these emails are chef's
Laurel: kiss. So
Daniel: each of us is going to open up our inbox. We're going to search for the emails, and then we're going to just read the subject lines. And you, Laurel, are quickly going to decide who wins each round.
Laurel: You each read one subject line. I decide who wins. Yes. Okay.
Nichole: You want me to go first?
Laurel: Yeah.
Nichole: Okay. Mean draws him closer.
Daniel: I mean, I think that that is something that both of you have ascribed to in general.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.
Nichole: Does it draw you closer?
Laurel: You keep coming back, baby.
Clip: Hey, April. I was looking to get some new music, and I was wondering if you could recommend anything.
Nichole: The Internet. Mhmm. Yeah. I guess this is my longest standing relationship.
Laurel: And the one where you first decided to be mean.
Nichole: First one.
Daniel: I mean, just like you always talk about that you're coming into your hotness. You know? I feel like you're also kind of coming into your meanness.
Laurel: You've honed your meanness.
Laurel: I really like
Clip: your haircut. Where where'd you get
Laurel: it? Present. K. Daniel.
Daniel: Okay. Tired Daniel?
Nichole: I'm gonna
Laurel: say Nicole's is more on theme, so that wins. Like, tired Daniel could apply to almost anything you get a good metaphor. Like, yes.
Daniel: Alright. How a millionaire got his wife back?
Nichole: Let me guess.
Laurel: It's because all she cares about is money.
Nichole: Okay. Don't believe what a man tells you.
Laurel: I like the idea of, Nicole's subject lines are, like, direct counters to Daniel's subject lines.
Laurel: Or vice versa, the last one.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How a millionaire got his wife back or weight readers again.
Nichole: Don't believe what a man tells
Laurel: you. I
Laurel: feel like Nicole's is just like, what do you call that? Like, housewives wisdom. Mhmm. So I'll go with the the millionaire this round. Alright.
Nichole: Alright. He's thinking of leaving you.
Laurel: Oh my god. I knew it. I knew
Laurel: it. I knew it.
Daniel: Stop a divorce with this 2AM discovery.
Laurel: Oh my god. Wow. Wow. Oh, these are both so urgent.
Daniel: I'm not opening the email, but I suspect that the 2AM discovery is that there is a pizza restaurant pedophile ring.
Nichole: There is no Carol in HR.
Laurel: This 2AM discovery. What? Like, it is like a variation of this one neat trick Yes. Kind of
Nichole: Yes. 2AM discovery.
Daniel: Should I check to see what time the email was sent?
Laurel: Yeah. What time was it sent?
Daniel: It was sent at 02:50AM.
Laurel: Okay. That I that
Nichole: so fifty minutes before, he was like, oh my god. And I
Laurel: have to
Nichole: write an email.
Laurel: I've got it. Alright. That that is its own kind of maniacal brilliance. Yeah. I love it.
Laurel: I'll go with that.
Daniel: Alright. This is what inspired my failed segue. K? Why good men always lose their wives?
Laurel: See where the segue was.
Daniel: Yeah. They're at
Nichole: the grocery store.
Laurel: And their wives are like Laurel and just, like, wanders away.
Nichole: Okay. If you were my daughter. Oh.
Laurel: Oh, god. Oh, fucking creepy. Wait. Is that the whole thing? Oh my god.
Laurel: If you were my daughter. That is so
Nichole: I know.
Laurel: That's the one. If you were my daughter, wouldn't. I hate it so much.
Nichole: I know. Okay. Have an affair, capital a affair, to get married. What?
Daniel: Are you getting married to the person that you're having the affair with? Or
Laurel: Are you having an affair to reignite the interest of your current partner to make them want to marry you?
Nichole: We're never gonna find out because I'm not gonna open this email.
Laurel: We're never gonna know. K.
Daniel: Ben's weird kitchen lesson on marriage.
Nichole: Kitchen lesson? Who's Ben?
Laurel: Wow. These are both just equally like, what?
Nichole: Yes.
Laurel: What? Excuse me? I'm gonna go with kitchen lesson here.
Nichole: Mhmm.
Daniel: K.
Laurel: It's so mysterious. And it is, again, the weird one weird trick, this weird kitchen lesson. Is it just a lesson in a kitchen? Because other I'm gonna
Laurel: be really mad about that.
Daniel: I hope that it's like a cooking thing that, like, here's the dish that you will make for your wife that is just going to save your marriage.
Laurel: You've been making her eggs all wrong.
Laurel: Maybe it's just fuck her on the counter.
Nichole: Oh. I love fucking in the kitchen.
Laurel: Oh. Yeah.
Nichole: So that could be a lesson to y'all.
Laurel: Oh. Staring daggers at me.
Daniel: Staring You and I
Nichole: have fucked in the kitchen. It's great.
Daniel: Staring shrimp forks at me.
Laurel: I'm just
Clip: saying. I
Daniel: got my got my guns ready to draw. You ready? You ready? Okay. Why you need to dumb down for your wife.
Laurel: Woah.
Daniel: Mic drop.
Laurel: Okay. Wow. Subject line.
Laurel: Wow.
Laurel: You know what's the dumbest fucking dudes reading that too? What do you get dumber? I am really smart. Okay.
Daniel: Would it help you if I explain this in a hardware metaphor?
Laurel: You know, I am in the ninetieth percentile for IQ.
Nichole: Alright. Sorry. Okay. She cried.
Nichole: That's it. What?
Laurel: Damn it. I thought that I had that one in the bag. Ugh. Dang. Yeah.
Laurel: Fuck.
Clip: Well, yeah.
Daniel: I don't know.
Laurel: Nicole just pulled an ace on you.
Nichole: Alright.
Laurel: That was
Nichole: fun. That was fun. I like that segment, babe.
Daniel: Alright. Well, we have no shortage of these.
Nichole: I know. It's true. We'll trot it out again sometime. So what's next? I think we have a little ask the amateurs.
Daniel: If you got questions, don't demure.
Laurel: It's time to ask the amateurs.
Laurel: Ask the amateurs, where we answer your questions. You can send us questions by writing to us at polyamateurhour@gmail.com. You can submit your questions anonymously on our contact form at polyamateur hour dot com. Or you can DM us on Instagram or blue sky at PolyAmateur Hour.
Daniel: Or you can approach us in a Star Trek convention.
Nichole: Yeah. So alright. To the three goal.
Laurel: That's us.
Nichole: Is that our call?
Nichole: Why does it sound like a mucket every time?
Nichole: Okay. So we can't make noises. We just need whistles that we have around.
Laurel: Yes. Someone get us a slide whistle.
Nichole: Okay. I'm the hallway stuber in a scant from STLV. Star Trek Las Vegas.
Nichole: Yeah. We're hallway stuber.
Nichole: Running into you all was something I was trying really hard not to get my hopes up for, and I was fully delighted it happened. So were we.
Laurel: Yes. Absolutely.
Nichole: Goddamn. That was so great.
Laurel: I can't imagine not running into us at STLV. That's true. If you're not running into us, we're running into you, literally.
Daniel: Daniel is running into you. Laurel is apologizing. Nicole is making out in the corner.
Nichole: Daniel, your voice, particularly your stage slash performance voice, is incredible and was the only reason I had a chance of recognizing you.
Daniel: Now a little bit of background. We very recently in the episode we just dropped, so this stubert has acted quickly. Yeah. Discussed how this stubert recognized us from my voice because I was yelling as the Betazoid gift box in our cosplay.
Clip: The momentous day is close at hand. Rejoice. And
Daniel: I was like, oh, makes me feel, you know, a little weird about my voice because I was doing obnoxious voice at the at the convention.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: And so Stuart responds.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: Yes.
Nichole: As someone with no social media, I had no idea what you all looked like even out of costume. I looked up one picture long ago, and I had the impression short, short, tall from your description.
Laurel: Accurate. You're accurate.
Daniel: That was the alternate title for this podcast.
Nichole: I told you at the con, but I know hearing was hard for you in there. You, Daniel, in your box. Your music is great. Really makes me think of the coup for the rhyme slash tone along with the drops of MF Doom.
Laurel: I mean, Jesus Christ.
Nichole: That is a compliment. High praise.
Daniel: Wow. And also, I finally got my voice compliment.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: The star of PolyAmateur Hour.
Nichole: The song for this last episode, Open Pike Night, I listened to multiple times.
Laurel: Aw. Aw.
Nichole: Okay. My question is maybe one that doesn't fit under PolyPodcast umbrella, but revolves around being bi.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Nichole: As someone who grappled with my bisexuality for a long time, I'm just now working on being comfortable enough to be open and clear about it. I had a tendency to make jokes in public, but never lay claim to it as a defining characteristic of myself. As someone who lives a straight presenting life, occupies a pretty masculine body, and ticks many other boxes of privilege, I struggle to feel myself fitting in a lot of places. I find myself still feeling more of an ally to queerness as opposed to part of queerness myself. Daniel and Laurel, can you talk about how being bi impacts the way that you interact with your private and public worlds and any complicated feelings you have around it?
Nichole: You are all wonderful and have been very impactful on my work on being my complete self. Oh my god. Thank you. Stupid. PS.
Nichole: If I'm misremembering and Nicole is by too, I deeply apologize. I don't know how I could forget that, but we could probably blame Daniel. You're not misremembering, Stuart. I can't claim the bind as much as I've like, you know, slept with women, like, just it's just not I've just never identified as bisexual. Yeah.
Nichole: Yeah. I'm actually not entirely sure how I identify except for heteroflexible, I guess.
Daniel: Yes. Which actually, you know, is usually a term used, like, on field and stuff to kind of denote, like, okay. Maybe gay in a three way, I think, which is kind of accurate for you.
Nichole: It's kind of accurate. Yeah. I think it really depends on yeah. Anyways, let's go on.
Laurel: Gay in a three way.
Nichole: So since So
Daniel: since this question is
Laurel: Gay in a three way.
Daniel: So since this question is primarily for me and Laurel, and that last round that we just did was mostly me and Unicorn. Yeah. Should me and Laurel answer this, and then you decide which one of us wins?
Laurel: Which one is the better answer?
Nichole: I do that anyway. You don't gotta ask me
Laurel: to judge.
Nichole: I'm judging all the time.
Laurel: I do think it's a it is a very common experience for our bisexual cohort to feel out of the loop
Laurel: Mhmm.
Laurel: In the LGBTQIA two s
Daniel: C three.
Laurel: PO.
Laurel: Yeah.
Laurel: Yeah. And to feel more like just an ally, especially if you're only being out more recently. Yep. And don't have a legacy of visible same sex partners.
Daniel: Sometimes it's like classic imposter syndrome.
Laurel: Yes.
Daniel: Right? Where you're like, am I queer enough? Some of it has to do with a feeling of not having the lived trauma that people who may be exclusively gay have grown up with, especially men, I think, in this society. Like, I didn't grow up with those things in a really pronounced way being bisexual and predominantly dating women in my teenage years, in my youth.
Laurel: What you do get instead is just this complete sense of other Yeah. In all of your adult communities. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're not straight, but you're not gay enough for the gays.
Laurel: Yeah.
Daniel: It's like when we had those massive forest fires during the pandemic, and you were supposed to, like, not go inside and also not go outside. So you just had to stand on thresholds.
Nichole: Mhmm. That's
Laurel: that's where we are.
Daniel: Yeah. I definitely understand what you're feeling. I felt it too. I'm like, have I sucked enough dicks? As Estevan the god Yeah.
Daniel: Like I
Nichole: said Honestly, to me, and this is just me personally. I don't think dick sucking is really that gay anymore.
Laurel: It is interesting because I often feel like like now being polyamorous is much more confusing to people than being bi. People have a lot of questions about polyamory who aren't necessarily, like, part of the community
Laurel: Yep.
Laurel: But are, like, freaked out about it or just, like, confused by it.
Daniel: Mhmm.
Laurel: But people generally understand what bisexuality is. I think there's that, like, double standard where bisexuality in women is not serious. Yeah. Like, bi women are actually straight and bi men are actually gay. Mhmm.
Laurel: And so that is frustrating in that, like, I can tell sometimes or I get the impression sometimes that people do not take my sexuality seriously.
Nichole: Mhmm.
Laurel: But I also think that there's this huge mistake in this assumption that your heterosexual relationships express themselves in the same way that your homosexual relationships do.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Laurel: And I think that so many bisexual people, especially bisexual people who come out later in life Mhmm. Make this assumption that they're not gay enough because their homosexual relationships don't feel the same way that their heterosexual relationships feel.
Daniel: Mhmm.
Laurel: Yeah. And I think that's bullshit. Yeah. Like, I think that, like, like, my relationships with women feel so fucking different Yeah. Than my relationships with men.
Laurel: They don't manifest in the same way. Mhmm. They don't come with the same arousals. They don't come with the same
Daniel: Certificate.
Laurel: Certificate. Not even, like, the same annoyances. Like, they are just they're not
Nichole: They don't come with the same social constructs. Like, it's a completely different arena that you're stepping into.
Laurel: Yeah.
Laurel: They're just better.
Laurel: They're just better. All around better. And so I think that that is something like we don't talk about enough.
Daniel: Mhmm. Mhmm.
Laurel: And that you can really get in your head about as a bisexual person Yeah. Is, like, continually trying to equate those relationships. And then because we are socialized into heteronormativity, assuming that your heteronormative relationships are the baseline. Yeah. Mhmm.
Laurel: And then comparing your homosexual relationships to that baseline.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Laurel: And because they are never gonna be one for one Yeah. Assuming that your homosexual relationships are less than for some reason. Mhmm.
Clip: I think it's kind of and we
Nichole: can cut this out if we want to because it gets a little dark. But Murder. Yeah. It's kind of like murder.
Laurel: Brings me back around to murder.
Nichole: It's kind of related to the conversation we were having the other night with Dahlia.
Nichole: Booty hole. Booty hole. Booty hole.
Nichole: And Michelle.
Laurel: Degenerate pervert. Degenerate pervert. I identify the degenerate pervert. Yeah.
Nichole: About the trend now of punching down between different strata of the LGBTQIA plus community. It is difficult now. Right? Like, I I don't think we can ignore the infighting that fascism has started Yeah. Amongst groups that are already marginalized.
Nichole: Yeah.
Daniel: Yeah. And we happen to know that this stubert hails from a red state.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: It's, you know, very easy for us here in Portland, Oregon to be like, okay. Yeah. Bisexuality is much more accepted, and people understand that it's a thing here. Yeah. I don't know that that's the case where this stubert hangs his hat.
Laurel: I wonder if, like, somewhere like here that is very progressive and there's, like, a huge LGBTQ community. If there is more bifurcating and drama between subsets of that community than there would be in a place where there is a lot less visibility. And to
Daniel: be clear, bifurcating is not something that bisexuals do to each other.
Nichole: Sorry. I've just been saying bifurcating and trifurcating a lot lately.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.
Daniel: Trifurcating is when you cause a a triad to split up.
Laurel: What is a furcating that doesn't indicate how many ways you're furcating? Poly furcating? Yes.
Daniel: No matter how queer you are, I think it's really important to encourage visibility specifically for bi people, because I think one of the reasons why you get so much fear on the right is because it is depicted as so black and white that the fear in these people who have been raised in extremely religiously and socially oppressive environments, the fear of being switched over to the dark side all of a sudden and then you were exiled, right, can be so intense. Now you are gay. You were either straight or you are gay. And I think the more gray area that we can represent and just show everybody just how much gray area there is on in the spectrum of sexuality, the less fear, I think, we're going to see from the right, which in many, many, many cases has to do with closeted queer tendencies.
Laurel: Yeah. Especially, like, right now, like, I'm not in any, like, homosexual relationships right now. I'm not visible as Yeah. Gay or queer or bi to the world. And there are a lot of times where I want to be.
Laurel: Yeah. It's hard to do that without being like, yeah, guys. I'm attracted to women. Mhmm. Yeah.
Laurel: At work.
Nichole: It's kinda like the Anna Paquin thing. Right? Like, when she married Bill from True Blood.
Clip: Sucky.
Laurel: Oh, she did?
Nichole: Yeah. Oh. There was some commercial that ran for something, and she came out as bisexual in that commercial. And everyone was like, you can't be bisexual. You're married to a man, and you're monogamous.
Nichole: How dare you?
Daniel: What a weird way to come out, though, as bisexual. Is it commercial?
Nichole: I don't think it was, like, for soap or anything. Like I love Dove soap. I'm bisexual.
Daniel: I mean, that'd be pretty hot.
Laurel: I love Dove soap, and I want all the men and women in my life to use it.
Daniel: I too would like to be more visible than I am, and I too am not in any kind of relationship or even dalliance with any man right now. I think that one of the things that I long for really is to start like a passionate love affair with a really cute guy and a scant
Laurel: who
Daniel: approached us at Star Trek Las Vegas. And I just think that I could also, like, help you come to terms with your identity, and we can go promenading around the town arm in arm if you come and visit.
Laurel: I mean, was cute.
Laurel: Steubert was very cute.
Nichole: Steubert was really cute. Yes.
Laurel: Yeah. Let's say that one more time. Steubert was very cute.
Laurel: And since Steubert is bi,
Laurel: there's enough scant for everybody.
Daniel: You would not be Oh my god.
Laurel: You would not be
Daniel: the first Steubert to be drafted into sexual service for PolyAmateur Hour.
Nichole: That's what I'm that's what I'm wondering. And that's like
Laurel: This isn't truly a cult. This is truly a sex cult. Somebody stop us.
Nichole: Next segment.
Daniel: If you are interested in joining the Sykes cult, please write to PolyAmateurHour@Gmail.com or fill out the form on our website. Don't fill out the form on our website. It's anonymous. If you fill out the form on our website.
Laurel: Leave your email with it.
Daniel: Leave your email and pics. Attach your pics.
Laurel: Oh my god.
Laurel: We're the worst.
Nichole: Now which way do we go?
Clip: Pardon me. That way is a very nice way. It's pleasant down that way too.
Nichole: That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other way?
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: I go for the bows and I go for the bays.
Clip: Of course people do go both ways.
Laurel: I'm judged by the straights and I'm judged by the gays. Of course
Clip: people do go both ways.
Laurel: I only go for the yays, never go for the mays.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: But I play all the parts, and I do all the plays.
Clip: Go
Daniel: both ways. Both ways.
Laurel: Two roads diverge in a yellow wood. I took both roads. Does a fellow good. A nice hello could spark a little electricity. AC or DC don't need no specificity.
Laurel: Is it me or are people too persnickety? History is filled with folks who cook without a recipe like Harry Grant shacking up with Randolph Scott. Like how I'm finding both Glaladriel and Gandalf Hot. Like how we got some Alan coming and some Alan going. You can take some Alan fucking.
Laurel: I'll take some Alan blowing. You can play a cello plucking or play a cello bow in the direction that you're stuck. It means that half the time you know it when you really want some yesin'. Now listen that to dressin'. Let me repeat the lesson.
Laurel: It's time for someone dressin'. Engender is a clothing that's so easily shed. Flip a coin to like a tails turn around in its heads. I go for the bows and I go for the bays.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: I'm judged by the straights and I'm judged by the gays.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: I only go for the yays, never go for the nays.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: But I play all the parts and I do all the plays.
Clip: Go
Daniel: both ways. Both ways.
Laurel: Daniel's too femme, Laura's too butch, you're a gold star straight. You'd off the test too much. The Kinsey scale's made up like a Mobius strip. You tell me pick a sideman, that's a forty year shift. I'm hoping you quit, nearly acting alright, while your mind is busy sorting out the black and the white.
Laurel: But work as your might, your body's made to play, and your whole world's made up like some shades of gay. Like Billie Holiday, wrote a billie all the day, and a willie all night long. You can hear it in a song. Like first lady rose about, like ladies first. Hell yes.
Laurel: In both directions because maybe's cursed. Every baby nurse, they're gonna plot their own course. No matter what's rehearsed, love's a runaway horse. No need to try and label right or wrong to the road. Leave your baggage behind and let me lighten your load.
Laurel: Because I go for the bows and I go for the bays.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: Judged by the streets and I'm judged by the gays. Of
Clip: course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: I only go for Yays, never go for Mays.
Clip: Of course, people do go both ways.
Laurel: But I play all the parts and I do all the plays.
Clip: So
Daniel: both ways, both ways. Toto,
Nichole: I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. We must be over the rainbow.
Laurel: Are we doing unhinged?
Daniel: Yeah. I think that we are.
Laurel: Okay. Sweet. I actually have a couple this time.
Nichole: Great. So next segment, unhinged.
Laurel: The segment where we talk about the unhinged messages we get. Unhinged.
Nichole: Alright. You wanna go?
Laurel: Yeah. I'll start with one. I'll start with the
Nichole: I'm also wondering. Okay. Okay. Added layer.
Laurel: Oh. If we get overlap,
Nichole: if we if any of these messages are from the same person.
Laurel: Oh, man.
Laurel: That would be sick. I would love that.
Daniel: Me too. They're all from me in a balaclava. Okay.
Laurel: This one, I give a little bit of grace because they acknowledge that it's bad. Can you help me with this problem? It's x plus u equals 15. I think x is five because you are definitely a 10. And then it says, sorry, l o l.
Laurel: Tad cheesy.
Daniel: Is the math even right in that?
Laurel: Yes.
Daniel: Okay.
Laurel: He also has a cute cat, so points for that. But, boy,
Nichole: that's tough.
Daniel: Yeah. I, know, have found that one of the most effective ways to win the heart of a potential partner is to rate their looks.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.
Daniel: In comparison to others, you'd like, my last partner was a was a a four tops.
Laurel: My last partner was a real Shrek.
Daniel: By the way, if you really want to see real Shrekking in action, please subscribe to the OnlyFans feed of Rosie Quartz.
Laurel: Oh, yeah. Yes.
Clip: Yeah. Tommy. Tommy. Drink your water for me. Tommy.
Clip: Tommy. Yes.
Daniel: Where she enacts two, count them, two Shrek cosplay orgies.
Laurel: I love it.
Nichole: Alright. So as we know, on my profile, I have the question, what does polyamory mean to you? So this person's response, exactly right.
Laurel: Why, thank you. Thank you.
Nichole: Thank you so much. Yeah.
Laurel: So illuminating.
Nichole: Cool. Alright. Your turn.
Laurel: This is the only other one I have. I've been fortunate to travel around the world and see a lot of things. But to be honest, you are as beautiful as anything or anyone I've ever seen. Sparkles smiley face. Wow.
Laurel: Okay. This has been copy pasted to so many women.
Laurel: So many women.
Laurel: Elsa, what are you supposed to say to that?
Nichole: Thank you?
Daniel: Exactly right.
Nichole: Alright. In response to the video I have of me singing the squirt song.
Nichole: Yes. Oh my god. Yes.
Daniel: You have that on your Hinge profile?
Nichole: I do. Yes. Amazing. Yes.
Daniel: Amazing. And you're not bi?
Nichole: What? This person said, what in the actual hell is happening right now? Alright. Well, could tell you liked it. Alright.
Daniel: Does it have the audio?
Laurel: Yes. What does
Laurel: it have the audio? What
Nichole: is Yes. It's me singing the entire song and squirting with and squirted with laughter.
Laurel: Wow. Yeah. Does this mean that he
Daniel: has never experienced is this what he said, like, when somebody squirted?
Nichole: The actual hell is happening?
Laurel: Disgusting. Believe it. I believe it.
Nichole: Okay. So, again, in my response to what does polyamory mean to you, it seems like everyone is poly now. Every secondary I know wishes she was a primary. I'm still figuring out how I feel. I'm flying to Portland today from redacted to shoot a porn scene.
Nichole: So I will say I've enjoyed that part of E and M so
Laurel: far. What?
Nichole: Every secondary I know wishes she was a primary. Like, once you're a second I guess a secondary, you can't be a primary.
Laurel: One forever?
Nichole: Forever in any relationship that you're in. Wow. Okay. So this person
Nichole: Uh-huh.
Nichole: I want someone who is into E and M but also shaves her armpits.
Daniel: Okay. You should respond and pretend that you misunderstood and that you want to shave his armpits.
Laurel: And then
Daniel: just keep going like, I'd be happy to shave your armpits. And he's like, no. And you're like, so when can we make an appointment To shave your to shave your armpits? Sharpening my razor.
Laurel: Have you ever thought about sugaring?
Laurel: Oh my god.
Nichole: I know a great laser place. This person is looking for a short term relationship. Just looking to have fun. If you're also married or in an LTR even better.
Laurel: So this guy is like, wait. This guy is absolutely like, every secondary I know wants to be a primary, only seeking secondaries.
Daniel: Yes. Yes.
Nichole: Wow. Yeah. They're an attorney at top tier law firm.
Laurel: And shoot some porn on the weekends.
Daniel: They're an accident attorney as in this would be a huge accident. They
Nichole: selected nonmonogamy Okay. As their relationship type. Okay. I am married and happy trying the e and m thing for the first time. I am not leaving my wife.
Nichole: Stop trying to make me leave my wife.
Laurel: So his experience with secondary women is just him casually dating women who probably aren't nonmonogamous.
Daniel: Yeah. And probably don't actually want him to leave his life.
Laurel: No. They might. They might.
Nichole: I go crazy for my very generous wife who has allowed me to be on this app. Also, all you fine ladies. What if I told you that I'm actually six five but didn't wanna meet anyone who's so shallowly filtered out totally normal height men?
Laurel: That's a real fucking ally, Daniel.
Nichole: This has been PolyAmateur Hour, a production of RISA Records. If you have a question for ask the amateurs, a recommendation for Is This Poly, or a sweet little something for any segment, please email us at PolyAmateurHour@Gmail.com or message us at PolyAmateur Hour dot com. If you enjoyed the show, and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice. Write us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out. But we hope you tell three or four.
Clip: If you want to help pay
Nichole: for our bad habits, like this podcast,
Nichole: send us a tip on
Nichole: Ko Fi at k o dash f I dot com slash polyamateur hour. You can even make it recurring if you want to do it again and again. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time.