Nichole: I think I'm allergic to something, and it feels like my face is, like, inflamed.
Laurel: It it the it flame. Flames. Flames on the side of my face. Oh.
Daniel: Yeah. Finally, your conversion to Judaism is really picking up.
Song: Talking 'bout love and sex and power,
Nichole: all on PolyAmateur Hour.
Nichole: It's what allergic to something. Don't know what it is.
Laurel: It's probably the air.
Daniel: Yeah. It's overrated.
Nichole: Sorry. I'm getting into queen what is it? Oh, no. Funny and present. President
Laurel: funny. President funny. Oh, you're getting in a president funny mode?
Nichole: I'm just I'm trying to get present. I'm trying to get present. An exorcism, chemo. President funny.
Daniel: Alright, will help if me and Laurel chant that?
Laurel: President Funny. Present. Oh, I heard President Funny.
Nichole: That's me, President Funny.
Daniel: Step up to the podium.
Nichole: President Funny. President Funny is here to make a decree.
Laurel: Oh, you're combining, like, the Queen Nicole and president Funny. No Kings.
Nichole: No Kings.
Laurel: Just President Funny, Queen Nicole.
Nichole: Yes. You
Daniel: know, instead of a No Kings protest, which I think, you know, we all participated in to a certain degree, you like to go to the No Kids protests. Right?
Song: You wanna have one of those?
Nichole: What of it?
Daniel: We wanna know, can Laurel when we all live together, can Laurel bring her, you know
Nichole: Her children?
Laurel: Yes, my What? Children.
Daniel: No. There's the there's the niece.
Nichole: There's my niece.
Nichole: Yeah.
Laurel: There's my friend's kids Yeah. That come over sometimes and hang out. And I've been going to the children's museum and just collecting them.
Song: Under
Nichole: your skirt like mother hovered.
Nichole: Yeah.
Laurel: Just I've been I've been banned. I I've been banned.
Daniel: Just the ones that are, like, obviously neglected.
Laurel: Yeah.
Daniel: Right? Just the feral
Nichole: children.
Laurel: Why I get away with it.
Song: Yeah.
Laurel: Because their parents can't afford the legal fees.
Daniel: Fuck. And they're, like, so relieved. They bring their kids there specifically hoping that a that a witch like Laurel is gonna is gonna steal the kids.
Laurel: It's like the, you know, the old churches or cathedrals in Italy where they had the little baby drop off slot.
Nichole: What? A little baby drop off slots. Like a mail slot?
Laurel: Yeah. But it's like a it's more like a platter. Was
Daniel: there garnish? Yeah. Was there, like, a little parsley?
Laurel: I might be making this up, but I do feel like one of the churches in Florence had a baby drop spot.
Nichole: So this baby slot. I'm sorry. Is it like Let's
Daniel: not call it the baby slot.
Nichole: Okay. Is it like, you know, at the prescription drive through when they slide out the table to you and you have to put your card in and then they slide it back?
Laurel: Back in. Kind of. Yeah. The one that I'm imagining, which I don't think is a real thing, was like a turnstile, like a lazy Susan. You stick your baby on it on one side.
Laurel: It turns around into the church.
Clip: It was a rotating wooden barrel divided down the middle, set into the wall of an orphanage or a convent. One half of the barrel faced the street. The other half faced the interior of the building.
Daniel: It's like a a reverse, like, automat.
Laurel: Yes. Yeah. Yes.
Daniel: Where you bring
Laurel: the snack. You put the sandwich on the tray. Wow.
Daniel: But are you okay with Laurel shuttling children in and out of the house?
Nichole: I guess as long as they come through the baby slot.
Laurel: This another requirement to the house. Lauren. Real estate slap. Lauren Grochetti. Real estate slap.
Song: She goes all the way.
Laurel: We need a baby slap.
Nichole: No. Of course. I'm like, I would just need a heads up, obviously. You know?
Laurel: No. It's surprise. It's always a surprise.
Nichole: Like, surprise children.
Daniel: And they're and they're unaccompanied.
Nichole: You just
Daniel: you turn around. You're working. There's just like a toddler behind you.
Laurel: Staring at you.
Nichole: My nightmare. Nicole,
Laurel: love me.
Nichole: Yeah. And, of course, they're, like, British. Right? And pale. Yes.
Daniel: And apparently haunted? Yeah.
Song: Yeah.
Laurel: Well, you have the requirement, like, only spooky women allowed. So only the offspring of spooky women.
Nichole: Okay.
Laurel: And so they're spooky children.
Nichole: They're naturally
Laurel: spooky. They're naturally spooky.
Daniel: According to Dahlia, all white children are haunted. Doesn't matter what a white child is doing. They could be singing, playing a game, standing perfectly still, creepy as hell.
Laurel: Fair. But two of these children are not white. So
Daniel: There you go.
Laurel: Not spooky.
Nichole: Okay. Yeah. I'll allow it. Watch yourself, counselor.
Daniel: She's got, like, a baby limit. Remember, we we established the toddler as a unit of measurement. Yeah. So it's, like, five toddlers worth of children. Probably less than that.
Laurel: Yeah. Can't I can't do five toddlers with That's
Nichole: At one time? There's gotta
Laurel: be a ratio. It's like a ratio of children to adults.
Daniel: So, like, just in case, like, they get out of hand, we you need to be forewarned so so that we can also, like, just invite other people to
Song: the house.
Clip: Don't wanna have
Nichole: to take care of them. That's all.
Laurel: That would never be my expectation.
Nichole: Hi. Here are some children.
Laurel: Care for them.
Nichole: When the one friend I have had a she's not the one friend I have. She is the only The one I have that has a baby.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.
Nichole: Yeah. Right? When she had this baby, I was like, I love you so much. I will not babysit for you. And she was like, absolutely, you will not.
Nichole: Would never ask that of you. Your role is to remind me that I'm a human being woman and that I can have fun and I'm an adult.
Laurel: And I
Nichole: was like, done and done.
Laurel: That's a that's a good trade off.
Daniel: I like that we have to use both words, human being woman.
Laurel: I'm a grown ass human being woman, and I can have fun.
Song: I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun. We'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn spiles.
Nichole: Welcome to PolyAmateur Hour.
Daniel: I'm Daniel.
Laurel: I'm Laurel.
Nichole: I'm Nicole.
Daniel: And we're having fun.
Nichole: Yeah. Sans children
Laurel: that we know of.
Daniel: I was so fucking careful during my childbearing years. I had unprotected sex with very, very, very few people only after extreme vetting.
Laurel: Tell me tell me about this vetting.
Daniel: You know, just Are you pregnant?
Laurel: No.
Daniel: Do you plan on getting pregnant? I would I would, you know, make sure that they were on some type of birth control.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: I would need to see it.
Laurel: Proof.
Daniel: Yeah. And taste it.
Laurel: And you had they had to, like, open their mouth and show you under their tongue after
Daniel: they took
Nichole: it? After they've taken it. Yeah.
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah.
Nichole: It's very one flew over the cuckoo's nest.
Laurel: Yeah.
Daniel: Yeah. I would be so shocked if I had a surprise child. Like, I obeyed the scare directions from nineties health class to a tee.
Clip: What if I want to have sex before I get married?
Laurel: Well, I guess you just have to be prepared to die.
Nichole: You said your childbearing years, you could feasibly impregnate somebody well into your seventies or eighties.
Daniel: But not me personally because I've been snip snipped.
Nichole: Exactly.
Laurel: Yeah. But if somebody went in there and did a little tape tape.
Nichole: I'm just saying it's not like you're hitting menopause or anything like women.
Laurel: Yeah. You know? Stop trying to pretend that you're a woman.
Nichole: You're not a human being woman.
Laurel: Yeah. Get out of my laundry room.
Daniel: I am not a believer in the reverse vasectomy.
Nichole: It does exist.
Daniel: It's like Humpty Dumpty. It was bad enough going in there and getting the snip snip. I can't imagine the process of, like, they're going in and was like, okay. Here's all the the broken parts.
Laurel: Well, that's Duct tape. I just like the idea of, like, taping it back together again. That's cute.
Nichole: I know that you're not gonna get a reverse snip sip. So it's fine.
Daniel: And I would tell you. I'd be like, Nicole, there's gonna be children in the house. Oh,
Laurel: man.
Nichole: I am very curious what you guys think about camp miasma. My asthma. Camp camp
Daniel: Our asthma.
Nichole: Touch to your asthma.
Nichole: Can we just start with that?
Laurel: Let's start with that.
Nichole: Is that okay?
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Let's dive right into the miasma.
Laurel: With is this Poly?
Song: Is this Poly?
Daniel: Alright.
Nichole: So we all three at separate times saw teenage sex and death at Camp Miasma. We're gonna pronounce it Miasma. K? Because I'm pretty sure that's how it's pronounced. Okay.
Nichole: This is a take on eighties slasher horror films. Mhmm. And it's like a meta film within a film, and we're not gonna be spoiling it
Daniel: for
Nichole: you. Highly recommend you go see this movie.
Daniel: Yeah. It is also one of those films that is more about the meta than the story itself. And so no matter what we say, you're not there to anticipate the beats of the plot.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. There's not much. It's an experience.
Song: Yeah.
Nichole: Yeah. The plot of the movie is that there is a new on the scene director. She's like a hotshot. She won things at Cannes and Sundance and all that other stuff.
Daniel: You're the holder of the names? She is Yes.
Nichole: Her name is Chris Williams.
Daniel: K.
Nichole: And she has been tapped to reboot the Camp Miasma franchise.
Daniel: Yes.
Nichole: Camp Miasma was an '80 nineteen eighties slasher film, and she grew up watching this movie. She's obsessed with this movie, but she also knows that she was tapped to reboot this franchise because the franchise is very transphobic.
Clip: What does a studio do when there's easy money just waiting to be made on a movie franchise, just sitting there dormant, but it's one as blatantly transphobic as camp miasma? They hire a queer person to paper over the ugliness, give little death a more tragic backstory, weave in some perfunctory message about gender, trauma, being yourself against all odds. Bam.
Nichole: This happened a lot in the eighties, seventies and eighties. The villain is a gender nonconforming individual. So Chris decides to go and visit the woman who played the lead part in the original Camp Miasma.
Daniel: The final girl. The final girl. It is called.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: The one who everybody else gets slaughtered in your typical slasher film, and she is the last one standing. Yes. Yeah.
Nichole: Her name is Billy Preston.
Clip: No. Hi.
Clip: I'm Billy Presley.
Daniel: Played by
Nichole: Jillian Anderson. In the most fabulous housecoats I've ever seen. I want her entire wardrobe in this.
Laurel: Is this what started the housecoat? It isn't.
Nichole: Oh, it was a it was just a
Laurel: pleasant Serendipity.
Nichole: Subert's quick aside, I've decided at every Star Trek night that we host, I am going to host in a housecoat because that is just what I decided.
Laurel: Which if you're like me and didn't know what that was, it's like a nice bathroom.
Nichole: I'm just saying Better Bargains had a 50% off sale this weekend.
Daniel: Oh, you may already have a bunch that are stashed. Yeah.
Laurel: Yeah. And you guys are gonna love them.
Nichole: So Chris decides she's going to go and visit Billy in an attempt to, like, talk to her about the franchise and maybe get her to return.
Clip: Mhmm. Mhmm.
Nichole: Because famously after, you know, like, Camp Miasma had, like, four, five, six, seven sequels. But this final girl, Billy Preston
Clip: I'm Billy Presley.
Nichole: Left after the first one.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Nichole: So she goes to visit Billy Preston Ashley. And Billy lives on the original set of the original movie.
Daniel: Well, like, the location shooting. Like, lives on an actual abandoned, like, summer camp.
Nichole: Yes. So she basically finds that Billy she she's basically a Norma Desmond, right, from Sunset Boulevard.
Clip: Stop. She's not Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.
Nichole: So over the course of the movie, Billy and Chris bond. They get vulnerable with each other, and there's a lot of other things that happen.
Daniel: I mean, I think we could start saying that there's a little bit of a hot and heavy action.
Nichole: Yes. We can say that.
Laurel: If anyone was wondering, Daniel is super breathy while having sex.
Nichole: Now you know.
Daniel: I was just breathing heavy when I was watching the movie. I mean, these are two extremely attractive people. They they also have incredible chemistry.
Nichole: Like They do.
Daniel: The whole sapphic world was freaking out with the release of this film.
Nichole: Yes. So when it comes to the polyamorous part of it, this is where I'm curious what your guys' opinions are. So Chris is bonding with Billy over fried chicken. It was very girl dinner because it was like fried chicken and fries and dipping sauce.
Clip: Speaking of desire,
Clip: do you like dipping sauce?
Clip: I love dipping sauce.
Clip: I love dipping sauce too.
Nichole: Dipping Loves
Nichole: dipping sauce. So Chris discloses that she's in a polyamorous relationship.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Clip: No. I'm poly. Who's poly? Like polyamorous.
Clip: Oh, I don't know poly.
Clip: Yeah. It, basically, I have a partner, and then, my partner has another partner too.
Laurel: Oh, kinda like cheating. Yeah.
Clip: Yeah. But with game nights where you have to hang out with bisexual guys named Thor.
Daniel: You feel like maybe a suggestion of Poly under duress that she's not really, like, into Thrilled about it. Yeah. She's not really thrilled about Thor that you have to have, like, game nights with your mustachioed metamore.
Laurel: Yeah.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: Were that the only, like, Poly reference in the film? Mhmm. I would probably say it was an immediate no. It's not Poly because it's kind of offhand, and it's a little bit negative. Right?
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Nichole: So you guys always surprise me. Like, what was the Poly piece that I missed in this?
Daniel: Okay. Near the end of the film Mhmm. A little spoiler. Like, Chris and Billy have had an experience together. Mhmm.
Daniel: They are covered in blood and in their underwear, and they go to the Oh, yeah. Corner store Mhmm. Which there's a big candy theme in this film, by the way. Like Chris is constantly eating an absurd amount of low quality, high sugar candy.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: And as they're leaving, the young kind of queer coded clerk at the mini mart compliments their outfits, which is, again, underwear covered in blood.
Laurel: I like your guys' outfits.
Clip: Thanks. I like your hair.
Daniel: And in this moment, they are, like, vibing like that couple at the bar Mhmm. For this young queer clerk.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: Which to me is like, okay. Maybe she didn't want to be in a poly relationship with Thor, but maybe she's open to it for Gillian Anderson because it's a different ballgame now. I feel like that was a hint that their relationship may not be closed.
Laurel: I mean, obviously, there's, like, this big allegory in the film about indulging in, like, visceral emotion. Like, indulging in Dipping sauce. And and just cheap high sugar content.
Song: Yeah.
Laurel: And that being a certain kind of release that doesn't necessarily have to be, like, over intellectualized or explained away or woke, quote unquote.
Daniel: Mhmm.
Laurel: And there's, like, all of these points throughout it where, like, they're touching on these aspects of Chris's life, like her partner and her metamor, her agent, the producers of the film. They all feel like they're hedging for something that isn't in alignment with Chris. Yeah. And I feel like part of that is sort of representative of Chris shutting down certain parts of her pleasure and joy to conform to, like, these expectations of other people. And then within Billy and the Camp Miasma franchise is, like, the symbol of everything she's trying to deny herself because it feels dirty or Mhmm.
Laurel: Raunchy or not intellectual enough.
Daniel: Kind of a bad feminist.
Laurel: Yeah. It's very bad bad feminist.
Daniel: And they use, like, the whole the ordeal of, like, the the slasher and the act of killing and that kind of violence as a kind of a metaphor for kinky sex
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: Too. And like the kind of the kind of sex that is has the immediacy of stripping away all, like, the artifice of the over intellect intellectualization.
Laurel: Yeah. I also love the fucking irony of this film because it makes us have conversations like this that are sort of like antithetical to the message of the film. I fucking love that shit. Anyways, like the perception I have of Chris and her relationship to her partner and her metamore is more that, like, she doesn't love her metamore. She likes her partner a lot.
Laurel: She doesn't love this metamore. And I think there's some level of, well, it's bad, Poly, not to like your metamore.
Daniel: Yeah.
Laurel: And so Yeah. So I have to show up and I have to pretend that I like this and I have to be okay with it.
Song: Yeah.
Laurel: And
Laurel: then like coming out the other side of it, it's like, oh, I could just acknowledge, like, my sort of immediate visceral feeling is that, like, I don't like four. And maybe that is okay in and of itself.
Nichole: And maybe not a denial of polyamory. Yeah. Right?
Laurel: Yeah. But denial of, like, this conception of quote unquote good polyamory or good feminism or whatever.
Nichole: Interesting. Alright. I thought where you were going, Laurel, is that polyamory in this context was considered, like, the norm. And that her participating in this PolyAmorous relationship regardless of who her metaphor was, was her trying to fit in. Was her trying to like
Laurel: Yeah. Which I think could also totally be a case made. Because it is like, knowing who the director of this film is, and then also like, yeah, just being couched with like, I'm the hip, savant, young, queer director coming up. Like, I have to be shocking in all of these ways, essentially.
Daniel: So maybe it's a good time to mention that the director of this film and writer is Jane Schonbrun. I don't know how to pronounce it.
Laurel: That's nice. I'm sure they pronounce it that way. And they
Daniel: are a trans feminine non binary director who is also polyamorous and openly polyamorous.
Song: And as
Daniel: far as I know, the only openly polyamorous director who I have ever heard of working in the industry today.
Laurel: Come on our show.
Daniel: We would love to have Jane come on and teach us how to say their last name.
Laurel: Yeah. That would be cool.
Nichole: That's it. That's all we're asking. Thirty seconds of your
Laurel: time. Please.
Nichole: That's it.
Daniel: So knowing that they are poly.
Laurel: Right? Yeah.
Daniel: To me puts the entire thing in a different light.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: Because okay. Maybe the topic of the movie is not polyamory, but maybe this is more important. It takes place in a poly context where a lot of things are just understood. Right? Yeah.
Daniel: Like the the laws about relationships in this world are not the laws of monogamy. Her polyamory isn't really, like, emphasized that much. It's just another aspect of who she is. Yeah. Like maybe it is the most poly film that we've actually ever looked at because it's not even like comparing it to monogamy.
Daniel: There's no like monogamy polyamory tension. Yeah. In this movie, polyamory is just there and central to its protagonist's life, but not defining and in and really not in need of interrogation. Yeah. So I'm gonna say yes.
Daniel: It's Poly.
Nichole: That's a strong argument.
Laurel: Yeah. It is. I'm torn because I'm like, do I just wanna say yes because I love this movie so much?
Nichole: Can
Laurel: I let my visceral feelings just guide me?
Daniel: Yes.
Laurel: Okay. Fine. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Laurel: Yes. It's poly.
Nichole: I think you convinced me. I think, yes. It is poly. In that, like, there is no tension between polyamory and monogamy in this, and it's not the central driver, and it just is. Y'all should go see it.
Laurel: Yeah. Definitely go see it. Yeah. Go see it with a bunch of friends in the theater. Have candy.
Laurel: Buy yourself some candy. Yeah.
Clip: Speaking of desire,
Clip: do you like dipping sauce?
Clip: I love dipping sauce.
Clip: Do you like dipping sauce? I love dipping sauce too. I like the danger and the powerlessness it's giving you. Dipping sauce?
Laurel: Even if it just lands the moment.
Clip: Dipping sauce. So good.
Laurel: Even if it just lands
Clip: a moment. Dipping sauce. So close to magic.
Nichole: Why do you make it
Clip: feel like that? Dipping sauce. It was my first orgasm. Dipping sauce. He's still hungry.
Clip: Dimming sauce. He'll be back soon. To feed again. He's still hungry. Hungry.
Clip: Hungry. I love Dimming sauce too.
Nichole: What's next?
Laurel: I feel like we should do the little DM sliders.
Nichole: Cool.
Daniel: Let's do it. Open wide.
Song: Open wider. Put all in my wrist deep inside you. Now take a bite of our subscribers and all the ideas on DM Sliders.
Laurel: Welcome to our segment. DM Sliders.
Nichole: This is where we read messages that you've shared to us via our email inbox, which you can reach us at polyamateurhour@Gmail.com. You can send us a DM on Instagram and bluesky@polyamateurhour. Is there another place to reach us?
Laurel: On our website.
Nichole: Oh, yeah. On our website. You can go fill out our contact form.
Daniel: And even better, if you send us a DM slider, if you can couch it in an extended sandwich metaphor, you get bonus points.
Laurel: Oh. Daniel will throw you some bonus points. Yeah. Maybe. Which you cannot use to buy merch that we don't have.
Daniel: But I'll tell you what. As you all know, we are in need of cash money to operate this extremely expensive corporate enterprise that we have.
Laurel: Daniel is still unemployed.
Daniel: This is true. And so you donate to us on Ko Fi. That's ko-fi.com/polyamateurhour.
Laurel: You can also find it on our website.
Daniel: Yeah. And today, I put our first album together, and I sent it out to everybody who had donated to us on Kofi. Aw. Now this first album is just the jingles.
Laurel: You mean the jingle, like our
Daniel: segment? Our segment jingles.
Nichole: Yes.
Daniel: Yeah. Anybody who donated to us gets that. If you are a recurring donator, then you will get an album every month.
Laurel: Holy shit. What?
Daniel: Yeah. Until we run out of material, which is probably not going to happen anytime soon.
Nichole: Alright.
Daniel: Or it may be start to be a bonus episode. You
Laurel: know? Okay.
Daniel: Alright. Well, go ahead.
Laurel: You'll get something. Cool. A little tasty treat. Alright. Bring it So
Nichole: if people really laid on thick with the sandwich puns, do they get a free album? Is that what you're saying?
Daniel: Yes. The first person to write us a DM slider with an extended sandwich metaphor
Laurel: No.
Daniel: Will get a copy of the album at no donation necessary.
Nichole: Nice. Alright. So generous. Okay. What a pleasure.
Nichole: I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited.
Laurel: Okay. So a few weeks ago, which will now be months ago when you hear this, I took the Instagram and I asked you all, what do you think about NRE? NRE being new relationship energy, also called limerence. Mhmm. Sometimes known as the honeymoon period in a relationship.
Laurel: But those crazy, ooey, gooey, obsessive, dopamine riddled thoughts you have at the beginning of a relationship.
Daniel: Mhmm.
Laurel: And so we got some comments and posts that I think we should share about it.
Nichole: Cool.
Laurel: The first one we got is, I don't trust NRE.
Daniel: Well, you shouldn't.
Nichole: Okay. But my follow-up would be, you don't trust it in yourself or you don't trust other people feeling NRE?
Laurel: Oh, good question.
Nichole: Because I feel like I judge harshly with NRE. You know, if one of my partners starts dating somebody new and they're, like, spending all their time with them, I'm like, god. Can you
Laurel: not? Yeah.
Nichole: Yeah. I'm like, can you just like just Rain yourself in.
Laurel: Out, you fucking menace.
Nichole: And understand that these are just like chemicals that are going awry in your brain.
Daniel: Yeah. We have been spending time, me and Laurel Mhmm. With younger people, like, of the twenties because her roommate As young. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Daniel: Yeah. And her roommate's friend was, like, put on a speaker call with us last night. And both from our experiences with Lillian and with the friend, I can say that, like, I don't know if it's young people or this generation, but they were just they're just unbridled about their NRE. And when they're talking about it, it's just like, oh my god. I can't, but I must.
Daniel: But I can't, but I must. No.
Nichole: No. No.
Song: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Daniel: Like, is, like,
Laurel: dramatic. It's dramatic. There's some high intensity there. Mhmm. There's also this, like, naivete when you're in your early twenties where you don't understand time yet.
Nichole: Yes.
Laurel: And so you're like, this is the rest of my life.
Nichole: Right. Yes.
Laurel: And then you get to be 40, and you're like, nothing is the rest of my life.
Nichole: Yes. Because
Daniel: this this meta friend, you know, of Lillian's friend
Clip: Yeah.
Daniel: Was talking about how she she? Was talking about Do earn headlights?
Laurel: Yes. I think so.
Daniel: Was talking about how she had really not been attracted to that many people, and she was attracted to this new person. Mhmm. And that she was worried that she would never be attracted to anyone again.
Laurel: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Such a God. Such a thing.
Laurel: Such a thing. I also think, like, these are mostly monogamous people. Yes. And so I think that there is, like, a different understanding around NRE that I think is becoming more widespread because poly people talk about it so much. Yep.
Laurel: But, yeah, there's just, like, such a different attitude around NRE between, like, poly subcultures and monogamous subcultures.
Daniel: Was that just the first line of the first message, or did you or is that the whole
Song: message?
Laurel: To it, but I do not understand the rest of it. I think there are words missing.
Daniel: Oh.
Laurel: I want other same time.
Nichole: So I don't I don't Okay.
Clip: I don't
Laurel: know. I don't know.
Daniel: Don't we all?
Laurel: Yeah. Our next one says, I feel it's a bit of a double edged sword. With NRE, I can get reassurance that can translate to confidence and help in other areas of my partner's life. On the opposite edge, you can start to get lost in that NRE and lose sight of what makes your partner special. I love the podcast and found it thanks to Laurel's dating profile.
Laurel: Which I'm sorry to everybody who I've never responded to on Hinge. This is my blanket apology.
Daniel: So that makes a lot of sense to me, like, the losing track of who someone is. Speaking of stuff from the Internet that I don't remember, like, somebody had posted something a little while ago that was like, idealizing somebody is not loving them. In fact, it's almost the opposite.
Laurel: Yes. Yes. I had a question because I wasn't sure if, like, losing sight of what makes your partner special is, like, about an existing partner that you're not experiencing NRE with in that moment or the object of your NRE.
Daniel: I interpreted it as the object. But
Nichole: Oh, I interpreted it as an existing partner.
Daniel: Yeah. Maybe you just lose touch with reality all altogether.
Laurel: You kinda do.
Nichole: You kinda do.
Laurel: You kinda do. Yeah. I think there's interesting meaning both ways.
Nichole: Yeah. Yeah.
Laurel: There are ways when you're feeling NRE that that can bleed over into your existing relationships.
Daniel: Yeah.
Laurel: And you have, like, like strong energy or extra sexual energy or whatever.
Daniel: Oh, which can be positive.
Laurel: Which can be positive. Yeah. Which can be like reconnective in the existing relationships.
Daniel: Yep.
Laurel: And on the flip side of that, you can get caught up in this other so great on a pedestal person that you are losing track of what you really love and find so special about your existing partner.
Daniel: I think the more experience you have in polyamory where you kind of experience these periods of overlap where you begin relationships while you are in relationships
Song: Mhmm.
Daniel: The less likely that is to happen.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.
Daniel: And, also, I don't remember the also.
Nichole: I agree with both of your points.
Laurel: We have another one here that says, I have come to think of NRE as something like a red flag, but not exactly. Maybe more like a caution sign. A warning to slow down and proceed deliberately and with care.
Daniel: Yeah.
Laurel: With that one, I am finding that my feelings about NRE or my relationship with NRE is very similar to the themes of camp miasma.
Daniel: Tell us more. Were you like to you dream about being murdered by your new partner?
Laurel: Yeah. Take me to the woods. Chase me down. This is not an uncommon kink.
Daniel: I would imagine it's not.
Laurel: Yeah. In that, like, there is a level in which I approach NRE with a lot of caution and intellect ualization. And being like, oh, okay. But what am I really feeling now? Like, I understand this is just a chemical dump.
Laurel: And, you know, and I have to be careful about not overlooking red flags or incompatibilities. I need to make sure that I am being attentive to myself and my time. And I need to make sure that I'm not jumping in to anything or, like, allowing my own boundaries to be breached just because I'm overwhelmed with happy juice. Mhmm. On the flip side of it, I think in part because I don't feel NRE super often.
Daniel: Mhmm.
Laurel: I'm like, how bad is this? Like, I'm feeling a lot of really good feelings. Like, what happens when I lean into them? Mhmm. And like, not throw all caution to the wind, but just like allow myself to just like enjoy the visceral experience of, like, having limerence or NRE.
Nichole: I feel like there's a difference between enjoying the experience and taking action based upon those feelings. Right? Like, I don't think we've done this, but PolyAmateur Reddit will tell you that, like, people experiencing NRE will leave their primary partners because
Laurel: Yes. Yes.
Nichole: This NRE is so strong and, obviously, they're the person for them and blah blah blah, whether or not they're gonna be monogamous or not. So leaning into the feelings, feeling those good feelings, I don't think there's anything wrong with that necessarily. I think it's upending your life in order Yes. Based upon those feelings and those limited chemicals that you have that really only last, like, a certain window, and then they're gone.
Laurel: Right.
Nichole: Because it's unsustainable.
Daniel: Yeah. I'm gonna say something. Oh my god. Might be controversial.
Laurel: Oh, shit. Okay.
Clip: I don't
Daniel: think that NRE is always associated with exclusively positive emotions.
Laurel: Oh, yeah.
Daniel: From what I've seen. Yeah. Not only like, you know, just with like we were talking about with the youngins that we that we know now when, like, it's an oscillation of happiness about the new connection and extreme anxiety
Laurel: Yeah.
Daniel: About the new connection. Yeah. True. When I've seen you, you know, Laurel, be in states of NRE that were, to some degree, challenging for you or challenging for me. Yeah.
Daniel: They also have this other element. Right? Yeah. And in fact, that was the problem. It wasn't the good feelings.
Daniel: Yeah. It was the the anxiety that you had around the relationship and how that Yeah. Affected your decision making around the relationship.
Laurel: Mhmm. That is true. I think you're talking about like hater of dogs.
Daniel: Is it poverty of love?
Song: Well, you know the dogs are rich. In case it's clear to
Daniel: me, who's the tiny little?
Laurel: Yes. As one specific example. Yeah. And I do think that yeah. That was super problematic.
Laurel: Like, I was so anxious. Like, it it made me like deeply unhappy. Yeah. And it made me deeply unhappy for a long period of time. And as soon as I ended that relationship, I was like, woah.
Laurel: What a fucking relief.
Daniel: Yeah.
Laurel: Yeah. Like, literally the next morning. I was sad that night and then I woke up the next morning. I was like, woah. Like, literal weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Laurel: And so I think that's like the dance the dance that I do with that in my rearview mirror. Mhmm. It's like, oh, yeah. Is there some way in which I'm making myself like unhappy with this? Yeah.
Laurel: And right now, that is not the case. Yeah. And that in itself freaks me out a little bit. Mhmm. I think in light of sort of recent poorly gone relationships
Song: Yep.
Laurel: There is a little bit of, like, hyper vigilance.
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah.
Laurel: And I
Nichole: interpret anxiety in new relationship energy to be the fear that I immediately have that they're going to decide that I'm not good enough.
Laurel: And just Yeah.
Nichole: Not continue to date me.
Laurel: Yeah. There's so much like like, wow, I'm feeling so strongly for this person that I just want them. I want to know that they feel this strongly about me too. Yeah. Or you're like a fool.
Daniel: Yeah. It almost looks from the outside when I see people going through it, like, really clearly, like, hardcore NRE. As somebody with OCD Mhmm. My OCD. It seems a little bit almost like an acquired temporary OCD, or at least, like, some type of obsessive disorder.
Daniel: Right? Because I can see them going through the loops. Yeah. In their brains.
Nichole: Totally.
Daniel: The point where I actually recommended to the meta friend on the phone call, Like, I was like, you should maybe, like, try ERP and just imagine that this is gonna go completely terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Because otherwise, you're gonna keep interrogating whether or not it's going to go poorly.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. I think I do that sometimes. Like, when I have the more like generalized anxiety about NRE stuff. Like, oh, this person isn't gonna like me or this person is not gonna choose polyamory Yeah.
Laurel: Or whatever. And then I'm like, okay, then what? And then it's like and then we stop seeing each other and like the feelings fade away and Yeah. Yeah. Big fucking deal.
Clip: Yeah.
Laurel: Right? Take that. Anyways.
Nichole: More.
Laurel: The adage don't believe everything you think helps me enjoy the temporary high and not make critical errors slash impulsive decisions regarding anything important or impactful. Just out of it, and I enjoyed it at the time. Great. That's kinda like what we're talk what you were talking about, Nicole.
Daniel: It's like
Laurel: the difference between just enjoying it and feeling it versus making big crazy decisions.
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Don't go out and buy a car just because, like, the model name happens to be like the Toyota Eric. Wow.
Laurel: Oh my god. It's a Kia, Eric. And the last one we've got here is I both love it and hate it. It feels great, but I also know it's fake.
Nichole: Woah. It's fake.
Laurel: So, yeah, that's another part where I think, like because I don't know that I think it's fake. Like, I think that it is based on, like, real attraction and real feelings that you have for a person. But what might not be true about it is that this person is, like, compatible with you long term. I keep coming back
Daniel: to the, like, the substance metaphor and specifically, like, psychedelics. Right? Like, your experience on psychedelics isn't fake, but you also can't, like, interpret it the same way as you interpret reality, like unm ediated by psychedelics reality. And so
Laurel: Trippy, man. You mean Zoe isn't filled with fractals of love and radiating
Clip: Oh my god.
Laurel: A tangible warmth.
Nichole: Is this something that came up the other night?
Laurel: No. It didn't come up the other night. It was New Year's or my birthday party where I was with my partner that you loved watching movies with.
Nichole: Yeah. Yeah.
Laurel: We were like, ripped shit on acid. Oh, the time that I got I dosed Daniel with acid on
Daniel: accident. Right.
Laurel: And then her and I just like lied down with my dog for a while. And we're just like, this is the most magical creature that has ever existed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Laurel: Anyways.
Nichole: Okay. Anyways, go on.
Song: That's all.
Nichole: I mean, it it it is interesting to think about, like because I think that's where a part of my judgment is coming from. Yeah. Like, you think this person is greater than they actually are. Or like you think this relationship is more special than it actually is. The NRE is not fake.
Nichole: The feelings are not fake. Right. Because they're all chemically produced.
Daniel: Yeah.
Laurel: It's just the dumb ideas that you come up with. Those are fake.
Nichole: The dumb ideas. Yes.
Laurel: Yeah. You don't need to implement them all.
Daniel: Do as we say, not as we do because on PolyAmateur Hour, we implement all dumb ideas that we
Laurel: That's keeps
Daniel: our mind.
Laurel: Used to, like, frustrate Harry Nevada about me as we would come up with dumb ideas together, and then I would start implementing them. Oh my god. And he was like, you don't know. Don't actually do that. And I was like, but it would be funny.
Laurel: He's like, it no. And I was like, oh, this isn't gonna work out long term. But I was an NRE, I ignored it.
Nichole: Yeah. Thank you, Stuberts.
Laurel: Yeah. Thank Thank
Nichole: you everybody who contributed. I really I appreciate that.
Daniel: Is that everybody?
Laurel: That was everybody. Hey, if you guys have more thoughts about it, wanna write a little dissertation and send it into us.
Nichole: Please do.
Laurel: Do it. Do it. Yeah. Keep the conversation going. Just like my NRE.
Nichole: I feel like there's gonna oh, wait. We already had a song about NRE, didn't we?
Daniel: Yeah. But you know what?
Laurel: You're gonna make a new one?
Daniel: Nope. We're gonna we're gonna We're gonna replay it. We're gonna replay it.
Laurel: Yeah. I
Daniel: think that we gotta pull those those golden classics out of the library once in a while. So ladies and gentlemen, the psychedelic wonder jam of an
Laurel: I like it. And now that we've talked about all those good love chemicals, let's bring it down a notch. Daniel, take it away.
Nichole: Bone to pick. Bone to pick.
Song: This bone, I got to pick with you. I don't need you to say you're sorry. I just need you to fix
Daniel: I'm so angry, you guys.
Nichole: Are you angry at me?
Song: Yeah. This is A surprise.
Daniel: Bone to pick. It's just it's a surprise reverse spit toasting. We've got a bunch of recordings from people who are mad at you, Nicole. We're gonna play them one by one, which I think would actually make you feel less uncomfortable than the than the positive message here.
Nichole: Absolutely. Okay. Bone to pick is one of my favorite segments, and it's where we talk about our bones that we're gonna pick. Something that's bothering us.
Laurel: Yeah. Shit we're angry about. We're a little rant.
Daniel: Yeah. I have a very, very, like, long delayed bone to pick to share with everybody. We should have tackled this a long time ago because it is everywhere in the monogosphere.
Laurel: I'm already angry.
Daniel: So it is about the way that comedians deal with polyamory for the most part. The old hack jokes Yeah. That have persisted and persisted even into the modern age.
Clip: Modern age.
Daniel: The ascendancy of polyamory.
Laurel: Uh-huh.
Daniel: The first one is by a comedian who I really, really love his work for the most part.
Nichole: We Jerry Seinfeld.
Daniel: I love his I love his work with high schoolers. It is Chris Fleming who had an ingenious, amazing special Yeah. Recently. Mhmm. One of the funniest things that I've seen in ages.
Daniel: I did not realize that, like, a year or two earlier, he had made this incredibly mean hearted comedy video about polyamory.
Clip: There is something very
Song: Can you ask me?
Clip: About polyamorous couples. And when they tell you it's with such sleep, like a dog dropping a rodent carcass at your feet like this only benefits you and is menacing to me and everyone else. This now
Song: who we want to be PolyAmateur. This PolyAmateur.
Laurel: You know what I think it is? I think that his attractive poly friends are just not propositioning him.
Nichole: And he's mad about it.
Laurel: And he's mad about it.
Daniel: And He secretly wants to be polyamorous, but he's not getting the invites because he's Yeah.
Laurel: That's the implication.
Daniel: Toxic asshole about polyamory.
Laurel: The implication if it's not who you want it to be, you want it to be somebody.
Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. The implication is that you do want polyamory. You just want it with specific people.
Daniel: Yeah. But you're saying that all polyamorous people are not the people that are attractive. The main gist of this joke, right, is that polyamorous people are ugly.
Laurel: Yes. Yes.
Daniel: And Hilarious. And clever. And creepy and predatory.
Laurel: Yes. Yeah.
Nichole: Yeah. Cool. What a cool move.
Daniel: We are Apparently lower class
Nichole: because it's like Verizon store. Yeah. That's incredibly classist.
Laurel: Yeah. I am creepy, but, like, in a hot way. Yeah. That's why Daniel's into me. Yeah.
Daniel: Yeah. Moving on to our next mean spirited poly jokey joke time.
Clip: We know what poly is in here. Right? Polyamory? Yes. Yes.
Clip: It's when the woman isn't brave enough to end the relationship. Polyamory, of course, is is when you have multiple partners all together in one big relationship. For anybody who's ever said, you know what this argument needs? Three other points of view.
Laurel: Sometimes it does. Mhmm.
Clip: I want to like poly people.
Laurel: No. You don't.
Clip: But they're all such fucking dorks. True. They don't stop talking about it. They they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses of sexual preference.
Laurel: We do
Nichole: have a podcast. They, like, show them
Clip: with pamphlets. They're like, we're in a group.
Song: I'm like, no, I
Clip: got that.
Song: And why do they all look like
Clip: a Bob's Burgers character came
Daniel: to life? Well, that was Chloe Radcliffe, who
Laurel: She sounds familiar, and I think I like some of her other stuff.
Daniel: Yeah. She's the one with the the big birthmark on
Clip: the side of her face.
Laurel: The ugly one? Oh
Clip: my god.
Daniel: I don't think she's ugly. I think she's actually very pretty. But
Laurel: Well, of course, she's monogamous then.
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. But the kind of gall that it takes to, like, be like, oh, you guys are weird looking when you have a big birthmark is is some real chutzpah.
Laurel: I just think it's not funny. I think most of these comedians I'm, like, going out on a limb here. But I think that they would find punching down in other ways pretty, like, tasteless Yeah. And uninteresting. Yeah.
Laurel: Polyamory is just, like, the socially acceptable social order to shit on right now.
Nichole: This is my theory. Because what we see in popular media and influencers and all that other stuff is a lot of very affluent white people. And what we know based on the data is that polyamory isn't actually that white and it's not that affluent.
Laurel: Right.
Nichole: Yeah. Sometimes out of necessity. Like, having multiple partners is a very
Laurel: Yeah. Safe way to have community. Yeah. Maybe to some extent, like, it's just jokes and it's not that deep. But, you know, this is like observational comedy kind of thing.
Laurel: Just like the observation is not really true to reality or particularly funny.
Nichole: Can we go back to observations about airline food? Yeah. Great. That'd be great.
Daniel: And there are some assumptions that somebody makes when they dive into a joke like this. Right? Yeah. One is that there are not like poly people in the room that like, oh, like those are like abnormal people. It's very it's very rare.
Daniel: And this is a room full of monogamous people that I am speaking to. And when I say that poly people are ugly, I'm not insulting my audience. When there used to be a lot more homophobic comedy, like, was an assumption that people made
Laurel: Yes.
Daniel: Yes. Then is that, okay, these are this is a room full of straight people.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Nichole: Yep. That was also the argument that I made when there was that whole rape joke backlash.
Daniel: Mhmm. This
Nichole: one comedian was like, well, but you can make Holocaust jokes. It's like, one, can you? Two, the likelihood that a Holocaust survivor is going to be in the room versus a sexual assault survivor is very, like Yes. Yeah. Different.
Daniel: Yeah. You don't make Holocaust jokes when you are opening for, like, the Holocaust remembrance event.
Nichole: Exactly.
Daniel: When you're the warm up. Yeah. When you're the warm up comic.
Nichole: Oh my god.
Laurel: This, like, assumption that men want polyamory and women don't. Yes.
Nichole: That's how she opened.
Laurel: That's how she opened.
Song: Yep. Yeah.
Laurel: Which is so detached.
Daniel: From reality? From reality. Yes.
Laurel: Yes. It's insane. And actually, just saw this thing today, from doctor Marie Thuan's email. We now have just received the first polyamorous memoir from a man's perspective. Wow.
Nichole: Woah. You're
Song: oh my
Nichole: god. Right? I didn't even
Laurel: think about it. Right? Yeah. I think it's funny, like, talking about the punching down thing where they're like like, I'm sure they would not consider themselves as punching down. But the jokes that they are saying are you're poor and ugly.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. But we'll not see how that is punching down. Like Yeah.
Song: Hey. What's the deal with these polyamorous people? They're so ugly. Hey. All you polygoblins trying to
Daniel: make me join your
Song: scene. When you mention E and M, then I know what you mean. See, I can read between the lines like when I met your gaze. What's that you said? Not interested.
Song: Well, you're ugly anyways. Ugly. You ugly, nasty, pervy, scurvy, thirsty little freaks. Thinking with your stinking fingers, yeah, I know you peaked. You and your partner think I'm fine.
Song: Don't try to deny it the way you asked. Are you in line? I'm like, don't even try it. See freaks like y'all assume I'd fall for your lovely, ugly eyes. No matter what you heard about my search keywords, that's an ugly pack of lies.
Song: I mean lousy trash, forget my browser cache.
Daniel: I just watch that
Song: shit to taunt you. Not in a million years if I keep swilling beers. Unless, of course, you want to. Because PolyAmateur should mean you're free for me to use. Then great and fine.
Song: Your eights or nines, if not your ones and twos. I can't understand why you choose this brand and choose to let us see. You mother fuckers choose to fuck each other and not me. I'm sat down. Therefore,
Daniel: I would like to now share with you some comedy from an ostensibly monogamous comic, also mocking polyamory, which I saw and I thought was hilarious. And I commented as such as PolyAmateur Hour. I was like, hey, as the arbiter of all polyamorous comedy, we approve of this. I posted this as a comment, and I got so much shit. I also got a lot of likes.
Daniel: Okay. So this is Brent Weinbach.
Clip: Because the word polyamorous is sophisticated sounding, perhaps for certain people, the word is used to mask one's embarrassment of being noncommittal and to use a less sophisticated sounding word, horny. Hey. We should get dinner sometime. Just you and me. Oh, wait.
Clip: Don't you have a girlfriend? Oh, I'm horny. So it's not a problem. Now some of you might not like the word horny because it's sort of a yucky word. That's fine.
Clip: I'd like to provide an alternate phrasing that is still straightforward and honest like the word horny, and it also conveys identifying with a progressive, evolved lifestyle, which is what I imagine people like this would like to convey. Hey. We should get dinner sometime, just you and me. Oh, wait. Don't you have a girlfriend?
Clip: Oh, I'm above that.
Laurel: Oh my god.
Nichole: Oh my god.
Laurel: Oh, yeah. That was good.
Nichole: Yeah. So That's funny.
Daniel: What I'm saying is we welcome you to mock us. Just get better jokes.
Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. All those other comics are making the same joke.
Song: Yes. Yes.
Laurel: Yeah. Which is, like, not good comedy. If everybody is making the same joke as you, that's, like, a couple of friends jerking off in the basement together.
Nichole: It also this one Which is not Poly.
Laurel: Which is not Poly.
Daniel: But no reason not to do it. Yeah. Think that it also shows empathy where the others don't, despite the fact that it is mocking us mercilessly.
Laurel: Mhmm.
Daniel: And what I mean by empathy is not sympathy where he's like, oh, I am gonna feel bad for polyamorous people. It's that he has enough insight to
Laurel: know that we're horny and better than that.
Song: Exactly. Like,
Daniel: maybe he knows actual poly people. And, you know, maybe this is informed by it because I feel like this is actually funny to both polyamorous people and nonpolyamorous people.
Laurel: Yeah. I bet the contingent of people who pushed back on your comment are the respectable Poly people who are not horny.
Nichole: Definitely not horny.
Laurel: They're not horny. No. They're not doing it for the horned dog horniness.
Daniel: They wish they were as horny as us. Would you like to hear those comments?
Laurel: Yeah.
Daniel: PolyAmateur Hour, speak for yourself. I'm in a triad and in the ace spectrum. I do think E and M can be sophisticated but evolved? No. Humans evolved to be monogamous thanks to religion, lack of protection against STDs and communal lifestyles dying out to advancements that allow and laud more individualistic ways of living.
Daniel: The jokes just felt really lazy.
Nichole: What? What?
Laurel: I don't even know what who are they talking to?
Daniel: What? We've got from Buckdog saying geek.
Laurel: That's comedy.
Daniel: I like that one.
Laurel: I like
Daniel: that one. And third, we've got from, Harry Ferry. We've got PolyAmateur Hour, accurately satirize us. What? Every polyamorous person is noncommittal, above commitment, and horny.
Daniel: That is absurd.
Laurel: Okay.
Nichole: Then call me Man Ray.
Song: I am
Laurel: Yeah. We like absurdist comedy. Yeah.
Daniel: Woman Ray, please.
Laurel: That was my email handle in high school.
Nichole: I know.
Nichole: I I know. These things are I
Laurel: I was cool.
Nichole: You were so cool. Yeah. I'm like, these fucking losers.
Daniel: Yeah. And, hey, if there's, like, a non binary listener out there who, you know, wants the ultimately cool handle, they ray?
Laurel: They ray.
Nichole: They ray.
Laurel: That's good.
Nichole: That's a gift. Alright. This has been PolyAmateur Hour, a production of Risa Records. If you have a question for Ask the Amateurs, a recommendation for Is This Poly, or a sweet little something for any segment, please email us at PolyAmateurHour@Gmail.com or message us at PolyAmateur Hour dot com. If you enjoyed the show and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice.
Nichole: Write us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out. But we hope you tell three or four.
Daniel: If you
Nichole: want to help pay for our bad habits, like this podcast, send us a tip on Ko Fi at k o dash f I dot com slash polyamateur hour. You can even make it recurring if you want to do it again and again. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time.