Nichole: She's like, you know when you just like walk into a crowd and there's just a bunch of dicks and you're just surrounded by dicks and like, aww it's dick sand. Like quicksand.

Song: Talkin bout love and sex and power, All our polyamateur hour.

Laurel: I want to know this woman. She was fantastic. Yeah, she sounds like my bestie. .

Nichole: Love Island UK is fucking nuts. There's a lot of darkness to it if you read into it a little bit. So as a cultural phenomenon, but also as a reflection on UK culture, it's fascinating. Okay, I can't wait.

Daniel: For our UK listeners, we're going to start focusing on more and more Brit content, you know.

Daniel: , so we can start discussing Agatha Christie, Charles Dickens.

Nichole: Finally. All the current UK culture.

Daniel: Dickens Sand.

Laurel: I did used to read a lot of Agatha Christie when I was a kid. You did? Yeah. That seems a little mature for a kid. I don't know. Cause there's murder in it. There's

Nichole: murder.

Daniel: My sister went through an Agatha Christie phase too where all of a sudden she like wanted to write murder mysteries and like go to uh, murder mystery dinner plays and uh. ride a

Nichole: lot of trains. I

Daniel: I think there was a whole generation of women. All of the uh, the slightly goth girls that grew up wanting to spin murder tales.

Laurel: I just want to spin a murder tale. I'm just imagining that like that 8x10 piece of paper and the top of it It's blank because that's where you draw your picture and the bottom of it is lined for you to write

Laurel: And the handwriting is just you know It's like you wrote it with your left hand because you're a child and everything's spelt kind of phonetically and funny It's just like when I grow up I want to spin a murder tale.

Laurel: And then it's just like, it's just black crayon.

Yeah,

Daniel: that, that was basically my whole childhood, , J. D. Salinger slash what was that movie with Gwyneth Paltrow? And sliding doors. Just keep naming Gwyneth Paltrow movies. Emma. You'll get to it eventually. Shakespeare

Nichole: in Love. The one where she sings karaoke.

Daniel: The Royal Tannin Bombs.

Nichole: Oh, it was not that, I wouldn't consider that a Gwyneth Paltrow vehicle, but yeah, she was there. Yeah.

Daniel: That movie Surprisingly like hit really close to home.

Oh

Daniel: Like I really saw my family in the Royal Tannenbaum's.

Okay.

Daniel: Yeah, you wouldn't know them from their old decrepit state now they aged into boomer poverty My whole family, but they they used to be kind of like that.

Nichole: You guys used to stand like Very centered. You're very symmetrical. Very symmetrical family.

Daniel: Yes. And now we're all off kilter as we age.

Daniel: That happens to everybody. We just start leaning.

Laurel: Yeah. You start losing height in one leg.

Laurel: This is my old leg. This one ages just incrementally faster than the rest of my body. Welcome to Polyamateur Hour. We're your hosts,

Daniel: Laurel.

Daniel: I'm Daniel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole. And I'm Laurel.

Daniel: Should we just keep going back and forth?

Laurel: And you're?

Daniel: Tired. Want some

Laurel: chocolate?

Daniel: We've got a whole canister of chocolate on the table today,

Daniel: I like it as a substitute for coffee because it's like sweet and I can count the number of squares that I have. So I know exactly how caffeine high i'm gonna get. That's part of your OCD. Yeah, it is.

Laurel: Um, I want to talk about these unicorn hunters. Ooh!

Daniel: Oh yeah! Then I guess we're doing unicorn hunter hunters?

Song: Do you wanna be there?

Laurel: Why are my threads coming loose? Yeah, because you're getting old. First it's the symmetry, then it's the threads.

Daniel: It only seems that way. Stop.

Nichole: hit me with this profile.

Daniel: All right. I was having a lot of trouble finding really good unicorn hunter profiles, because I'm in Portland and most people are, , slightly more responsible about the ways that they communicate um, and Slightly. Yeah, slightly. Or, they pretend. They put up a good pretense. Yeah, they're more

Laurel: prac practiced in the facade of

Daniel: proper Polly. Proper Polly, as opposed to sloppy Polly, like a big part of this podcast is uh, you don't come here for the responsible , well honed. relationship advice, you come here for the sloppy shitshow chaos and we're here to deliver, but sometimes we have to outsource to other cities, other states.

Daniel: So I went back to looking at Las Vegas the center of the sloppy capital of the world. Yes. God, I wish that there was a. I wish that there was a theme casino of just like sloppy Las Vegas.

Daniel: It's like how Las Vegas has Hotels of other cities, right? Like they've got that hotel. That's got the whole, like a little New York, like a little Paris. I want a little Las Vegas in Las Vegas.

Laurel: And then there's a little, like a golf cart that Elvis drives around in and will marry you like on the spot.

Laurel: And there's like a witness there and everything. So like you could be drunk off your ass and then just like. get married immediately. Like you don't have to go anywhere. It comes to you. The marriage mobile. Yes. Driven by Elvis. Oh my God. That's, that is brilliant. Yes. Investors, if you'd like to reach out, we can be contacted at polyamateur hour at gmail.

Laurel: com.

Nichole: Little Las Vegas within Las Vegas. It's such a good idea. And it brings back all the old Las Vegas.

Nichole: Yes. Like, Showgirls. Like those giant showgirl shows. Yes. And the Rat Pack. There's a Rat Pack roaming around. Just constantly. Yeah.

Daniel: Your father's family would be more than happy to cosplay.

Laurel: Dude, maybe I just set up some gambling pit thing and they accidentally fund it.

Laurel: Brilliant,

Nichole: brilliant. They have those wads of cash in their wives purses,

Daniel: so. Okay, so we got some steps that we need to take to this. Crooked, fake gambling ring facade to pawn the money out of your fake Rat Pack family so that we can dress them up.

Laurel: My family is real. They exist.

Daniel: So we can dress them up. Like the real Rat Pack.

Daniel: We can afford the, the suits and the, and the prosthetics.

Nichole: Yeah. The prosthetics.

Daniel: Okay. And we should probably get back to the show, the show, but I think that we've been talking long enough that we're going to have to play the song again.

Song: Do you wanna be there?

Daniel: So there we go. Um, All right. so I'm going to read a pair of profiles.

Daniel: Okay. Okay. I'm going to read. The woman's first, okay. Visiting Las Vegas redacted date at the redacted hotel. We're a couple looking to spice up our Vegas trip with some fun. I'm bi curious and interested in connecting with another man, woman, or couple to join both of us for an exciting time together.

Daniel: My partner is straight, and we're seeking someone who's comfortable with that dynamic. Because you know, a lot of people are uncomfortable around straight folks.

There's

Daniel: a lot of you know,, reverse homophobia going around, right?

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: is why I only date queer people and closeted queer people.

Daniel: Uh, I'm also specifically looking for a BBC experience where my partner will watch as an observer. So I told everybody we would have more British content.

Oh, but I'm fine.

Daniel: For those of you don't, for those of the for those of you who don't know in the uh, in the world of tasteless porn and shitty swingers, as opposed to cool swingers, as opposed to rat pack swingers uh, BBC stands for big black cock. I apologize. I've got to explain it in order for it to be as offensive as it needs to be on the page, because.

Daniel: A human being can be reduced. To their penis, as we've seen again and again, whenever unicorn hunters are looking for men, so yeah, also specifically looking for a BBC experience where my partner will watch as an observer.

Daniel: We're all about mutual respect, good energy, and creating memorable experiences. If this sounds like your vibe Let's chat and see where things go. So that's the woman's profile.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: But the really fascinating part of this is the juxtaposition. Of the woman's profile with her partner's profile.

Nichole: Okay,

Daniel: and here's that. Hello I'm a massage master trained on youtube and from experience Who loves giving drawn out teasing sensual massages? I'm looking to share my passion for sensual erotic massages I love the art of touch and the power it has to connect us in intimate ways.

Daniel: Is this too late to uh, introduce a um, drinking game where we take shots every time he says sensual?

Nichole: I think. Eat a little square. You guys are going to get wired.

Daniel: God, I think it might be safer to take shots. Um, All right.

Daniel: I'm looking for someone who desires a sensual massage and wants to explore the depths of sensuality together. I believe that candles, moonlighting, scents, Sound bath music, hot stones, strong hands, and a sensual massage can create an unforgettable experience.

Daniel: I'm open to exploring new things and would love to share my sensual ability with you. You have never experienced anything like this before. I'm confident that I can provide you with the pleasure you crave. If you're looking for a memorable experience, Filled with passion and

Nichole: sensuality.

Daniel: Then I'm the one for you. Let's light some candles, turn down the lights and let the magic of touch take us to new heights. P.

Daniel: S. Yes, my room really looks like this. Candles, scents, and lights. Hot stones, massage oils, heated bed, vibrating bed, relaxing sound bath music. This is an experience that you will never forget. If you like your hair pulled, sensations, nipple clamps, step to the front. What? I wonder if he knows what a massage is.

Nichole: Has he,

Nichole: this is an experience you'll never forget. I did forget that I have a partner, that is wild. Yeah. That he does not mention his partner at all.

Daniel: No, This reminded me in reading these we've been watching this reality TV show The Ugliest House in America. Oh, yeah. And sometimes There'll be a house that they're touring, right?

Daniel: And you're like, Oh, this isn't that bad. This, oh, this room is kind of cool. I kind of like this house. And then they open a door, and they go in some room and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. That was my experience, like going from like, in a good way. No.

Daniel: This house is so sensual.

Laurel: Yeah. I have a hard time trusting anyone that profusely brags about their like sensual or sexual capabilities.

Laurel: Yeah, like I just immediately don't believe you.

Nichole: It's very much about them. Like they feel good. It is not about giving pleasure to their partner. Yeah. It is about constructing a situation where they get off the most. Yeah. And gratifying their own self image of being. And this one involves moonlight candles, sound bath music, hot stones, heated bed, but also vibrating bed.

Nichole: Yeah. I don't need my bed to vibrate.

Daniel: I feel like this guy is in a Relationship with his room.

Laurel: You're always going to be secondary to his room. Yeah. Yes, it does look like that. That's like, yes, my wife is hot.

Daniel: And she's upholstered in velvet. Wow.

Laurel: That is, what a contrast from like, Big black cock,

Nichole: that's the thing that, that stuck out to me the most, is like, oh yeah, yet again, dehumanizing somebody to a part of their body, but And also just like a racial stereotype.

Nichole: Yeah.

Nichole: But she mentions him, right?

Daniel: Yep, she talks about him, he does not talk about her. What did she say? My partner is straight, and you gotta be okay with that.

Laurel: Okay, to be fair, one, my, my generous interpretation of this is like, they're traveling and she updated her profile for hookups, and he did not.

Laurel: But also Like, I don't set up my profile to like, date in tandem.

Laurel: So my profile just says, I think it says like, poly, multi partnered, dating solo. And I don't talk about my other partners in depth beyond that. I acknowledge they exist.

Daniel: Yes. Which is important.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. But it's not but it's like a one line, like multi partnered.

Daniel: Yeah. We're just represented as one multi headed hydra being.

Laurel: All

Daniel: right. The phrase, I can provide you with the pleasure you crave

Daniel: it reminded me a lot of the Brondo line in Idiocracy, like the fundamental misunderstanding of how plants work. When you're like that, they're craving a sports drink or they're watering the plants in this movie, they're watering all the crops on earth with a Gatorade type sports drink called Brondo.

Daniel: And the advertisements are like, it's what plants crave. And I just couldn't help thinking about this, that there's this fundamental disconnect. It's very much akin to the understanding of plants in idiocracy. Sensuality! It's what women crave.

Nichole: Moonlight! It's what women crave.

Daniel: And then two, The number of times that he just uses the word sensuality in place of any, coherent description of what sensuality is, makes me think he just thinks the word sensuality is sensuality. And then he closes it by like, if you like nipple clamps, you know?

Nichole: yeah, quite honestly, that nipple clamps and hair pulling was like far from my mind with this scenario that he

Laurel: was describing. Yeah, I know. I was honestly imagining going to a spa. Yeah. For the day. Just like a spa where they do everything all at once. Like a, Like a gangbang? No like, yeah, like a, like a, like a uh, spa treatment gangbang.

Laurel: You usually have your sound bath session. And then you have your hot stone massage session. But this is like, let's just do it all at the same

Daniel: time. That would be amazing if it was a group of men who were advertising a spa treatment gangbang. Like you come there and they, and like, one of them is using a hot stone, one of them is, one of them is giving you an eye pillow.

Daniel: One of them is only job.

Nichole: Tommy's real dumb. Can

Daniel: we make this part of our Las Vegas?

Laurel: Yes, yes, Yes. Spa service gangbang. Oh my god.

Nichole: Okay, so we rate these unicorn hunter profiles on three categories.

Nichole: One, self aggrandizement . Two, arbitrary rules. And three, would we unicorn? . I feel like we have to rate them separately. Yeah, they're very different.

Daniel: Honestly,

Laurel: the only thing I remember about her profile is BBC and My Husband is Straight. Deal with it.

Daniel: Should we give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that BBC means Agatha Cy miniseries?

Daniel: It'd be really

Laurel: nice. It'd be really nice like a, that'd be. It's really sweet. It's like, come watch a BBC special , but my husband has to watch us watching. He can't watch it with us, but he'll watch us watching it.

Daniel: Okay. She gets a three, a three. Yeah. So he for self aggrandizement, I don't know. We gave cult leaders. Do we rate him above or below our cult leaders of a few episodes back?

Nichole: I would say seven.

Laurel: Yeah, I was going to say seven too. Yeah,

Nichole: because it's, it's pretty boastful.

Nichole: Yeah. But

Daniel: so focused. like, He's not bragging about any other aspect of his life, except that he is the most wonderful YouTube taught masseuse that you have ever encountered.

Laurel: I think. I think what it is for me is that his boastfulness does not feel as threatening to me.

Laurel: Yeah. And so I'm like, eh.

Nichole: Yeah. The worst thing that could happen is that I just leave very oily.

Daniel: Yeah. Isn't this though, like a whole prototypical category of shitty men is the one that wants to give you a bad boundaries back rub? It's like the guitar guy that you were talking about a few episodes back, Nicole, the one who corners you with a guitar, the I'm going to give you a backrub guy is like a whole other type, right?

Daniel: There's a trading card of this guy somewhere, right?

Nichole: Thanks for reminding me that

Laurel: exists. We should, wait, I want to make a whole, not that I have the capacity or will to do this or the interest in games, but we should make a whole like, um, You know, like a Magic the Gathering style game, but it's with these stereotypical kinds of men that corner you.

Laurel: And they have whatever different power levels and shit.

Daniel: So this one would have a different name, right? But Bad Boundary Backrub would be one of his like, um, special power moves that he does. Yeah, you're like,

Laurel: I'm gonna play whatever we think of a good name for him, and then he's up leveled with this little coin that I have to four point bad boundary back rub attack.

Laurel: And I

Nichole: roll an eight to come over there to rescue you and say like, Laurel, have you met my friend, Stubert? Ooh, yes, hell yeah. Laurel, I need help with ice in the kitchen. Laurel the dog's on fire. You gotta come help me. My dog's

Laurel: on

Nichole: fire.

Daniel: Have you tried a massage for that? .

Daniel: All right. Um, next up, we will rate them in arbitrary rules.

Nichole: I don't know that there were a ton of rules in this one. Yeah, I think they're pretty low for this.

Daniel: Yeah, I think for her, you get a boost for any time that you mention BBC just because it's like the kind of flattening of identity that's really fucking I promise this is the only time that I earnestly use this word, problematic.

Daniel: So I'm gonna give her a little bit of a boost for that and give her a six. Just for the BBC.

I was gonna say five. I was gonna say six.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: Okay. And him?

Laurel: Oh, I was saying that across the board. A five.

Daniel: I think he gets lower for rules. He just, I don't think he. cares at all who you are. The one rule is get a massage.

Daniel: Yeah. Bring your body into my velvet cave.

Nichole: Yeah, one rule, you must like sound bath music. That is a steep ask.

Daniel: Is it a rule to say, I guarantee that you will like this and it will be the best experience that you've ever had? Is that a rule or a threat?

Laurel: No, it's a threat. That's not a rule.

Daniel: And finally, would we unicorn for them? You guys want to see pictures?

Nichole: I don't. Because I don't. The only thing I want to see is what the room looks like. Because he says, yes, my room looks like this. Yeah, I do want to see the room. So it better look like Massage Envy. Lobby.

Daniel: If the room is hot enough as his Third in this triad, right?

Laurel: The room is hot enough. Yeah. As his primary partner.

Daniel: Then you might unicorn just for the uh, room.

Laurel: Yeah. All right. Let's see it. It is actually a lot nicer than I was expecting.

Nichole: That is a lot nicer. I, okay. I can see why. So to describe it for the listener, the walls are burgundy red.

Nichole: There is a king size bed and several candles around the king size bed. Okay. And accents of red all over the room. It looks like a stock photography. Yes photo, which is probably why he says yes, my room actually looks like yeah,

Laurel: it looks like an image like if you're going to , like get the romance package at a hotel.

Laurel: It's a nice room.

Daniel: Nice enough for you to, you just want to cut him out and just have like, uh, I'll just, I'll

Laurel: give myself a sound bath in that room. I'll

Nichole: give myself a sound nap in that room, but I would also blow out all the candles because I'd be way too nervous.

Nichole: Dangerous.

Daniel: Yeah, this is a thing. You're worried that you're gonna fall asleep, and the candles are gonna burn down the house? The dog. That's what the oil is for! The

dog. The dog. The dog is on fire.

Daniel: We don't need no candles. Um, Okay. So, I'm gonna give him a one and I'm only doing the one for the room.

Laurel: I'm gonna say a no on a scale of one to ten.

Nichole: Gotta agree.

Daniel: right moving on

yeah, yes, it's the time to

ask the amateurs

If you got questions, don't demur, it's time to ask the amateurs.

Daniel: Laurel Do we have a question today for Ask the Amateurs?

Laurel: Oh, we sure do, Daniel. Today's question comes from Stubert. Polyamory requires a lot of emotional capacity and attention. Many people are busy or may not have as many social or emotional skills. Does this mean healthy polyamory is really only for the bourgeoisie?

Laurel: Facts.

Daniel: Are we fundamentally unqualified to answer this because we're all members of the bourgeoisie? No, it's not for the bourgeoisie.

Laurel: One, no, I resent that accusation.

Nichole: I think the question is also assuming that the bourgeoisie uh, Fundamentally healthy.

Daniel: Or that the modern bourgeoisie actually has any time to do anything else besides slave away at work, nonstop and consume products

right

Nichole: now. I need to, do you need to Google,

Laurel: oh, okay. So I was thinking of it in a Marxist context. Surprise, Surprise! That

Daniel: is so Laurel.

Daniel: I thought he was thinking of it in a Marxist context too. Like the people who control the means of production.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. Which is nobody, but like five people.

Daniel: Yes. So the bourgeoisie in a Marxist context no longer exists, right? Now it's um. it

Laurel: does. Because it's just like highly consolidated into five multinational conglomerates run by Jeff Bezos.

Daniel: And do those even qualify as like, um, discrete countable human beings or because of all the cybernetic implants?

Laurel: There is maybe a more like lay definition that It says here that is just the middle class typically with reference to its perceived materialistic values or conventional attitudes, which is what you were describing.

Yeah.

Nichole: So I think for the sake of this question, the bourgeoisie is people with means.

Laurel: Yeah. A certain amount of wealth. Yeah. Because

Nichole: The question is stipulating that you can only access resources if you have material wealth and you need those resources in order polyamory.

Nichole: Yeah. Okay.

Laurel: Which is a criticism I have heard before. Me too. That oh yeah, it's just for rich white people or whatever.

Laurel: . I don't buy it. I think it's so to create class division the class divide that I'm concerned about is us versus the billionaires you can acknowledge like material privileges within the greater working class.

Laurel: And. Like on an interpersonal level recognize like I have more resources than this other human being but to claim That there are certain things and particularly certain like joys that you can only access as a person of a certain like material wealth class is there to sow division between lesser earners and greater earners.

Laurel: And there is truth to the fact that like, yes, if you are a person that has to work three or four jobs and run a household you this amount of like stress and worry over making the material logistics of your life function inhibits your ability to do other things,

Laurel: but to argue that it prohibits you from the ability of just forming meaningful, healthy connections with people, I think is bullshit. And also like, case that people need polyamory.

Laurel: It is for the lower class. Like, That is where you need community. And that's where you need to pool resources.

Daniel: And you're pooling labor, too.

Laurel: Yes, absolutely.

Daniel: If the argument is that you're just too busy, scraping to survive in order to practice healthy polyamory. I feel like it's based on a fundamental kind of misunderstanding of how polyamory works in, in practice.

Daniel: And we've talked about this before it's a misunderstanding that we're, we all fall. Victim to now and then, right? The illusion that it's about a limited amount of resources that you can give out into the world. You think about all the resources that are taken by your relationships, but we forget about the resources that are given.

Daniel: Yeah. And in this context, sure, you are giving labor, emotional labor, to someone. to your relationship, but you're also receiving emotional labor. And in a domestic situation, you're receiving physical labor.

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: The three of us, we pool labor and time constantly in order to live some semblance of a bourgeoisie life of the type that was lived effortlessly in a nuclear family like 30 to 40 years ago. Now we have this extended family in order to resource just enough labor, time, and money to live the kind of life that we want.

Nichole: So this reminds me of an article I read on Slate,

Nichole: from 2024, earlier this year in May of 2024, non monogamy by the numbers.

Nichole: And it's actually looking at the data of non monogamy. And they're talking about the perception of non monogamy being just for the rich white ruling class.

Nichole: Today nearly one in three unmarried Americans reports That they have at some point been in a consensually non monogamous relationship. The obsession with what upper class dalliances obscures a key fact. Most non monogamous aren't rich and white.

Nichole: I can pull out some other key facts. Interestingly, the data show a slight negative correlation with education. Less educated people , were more likely to engage in polyamory.

Nichole: people in polyamorous relationships we're more likely to identify as multi ethnic or multiracial and more likely to earn less than 40, 000 a year.

Nichole: I think that's related to the, I don't know if it qualifies as a meme, but the thing that's been going around the internet, like monogamy in this economy. Yeah. Because, like we've. Just recently talked about, we get to share resources amongst each other. And community is just going to be the way that we're going to be able to survive in the coming decades with the economy, the way that it's going to go and how we choose to express that is committed, loving relationships with other people.

Nichole: I think that community as part of economic survival can manifest in other ways, but. There is an inherently communist flavor to committing to polyamory.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. The, like the conception of the nuclear family is a pretty modern idea and it's not exactly like an accidental one. It's like part of, and specifically like American, like hyper individualism and having sequestered units that are like.

Laurel: Like self sustaining within a very particular yes, like puritanical paradigm.

Laurel: And I do think that there's a conscious effort to other what is outside of that paradigm. And like, in other cultures, it's much more common, extremely more common for there to be like intergenerational households. It is helpful for You know for profiteering class to make the idea of community seem out of reach And only applicable to people of a certain material status.

Daniel: And what's really ironic about it is that The only kind of community that's actually economically out of reach now is the nuclear family.

Laurel: Yeah, absolutely. Yes.

Nichole: That's the other manifestations of community that I'm talking about.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: It's not just this commune out in the middle of nowhere where we all farm and fuck each other. It is intergenerational living. It is sharing resources with youreven though we are, like, physically separated from our neighbors, it's sharing resources with our neighbors.

Nichole: Yes, yeah. Um, It's not just the cup of sugar, it's Hey my light bulb's out and I can't actually reach it because I'm small or I broke my leg or whatever it is. I don't know why that is very specific. That has never happened to me.

Daniel: Also, our dog has never been on fire.

Laurel: I mean, Like we don't make the assumption that you have to be of a certain material class to, have a healthy monogamous relationship.

Laurel: Yeah. And yes, like polyamory certainly does take time in a different kind of capacity, but

Laurel: um,

Daniel: it also gives time,

Laurel: but it also gives time. Like this picture that we paint of non monogamy it's this idea that we're all like, buried in books and self help and just like constant processing and then there's a multiplier by the number of partners that you have for that, and that's just not what it actually is.

Laurel: We make jokes about it, and I think that a lot of us go to that narrative because we ha we can see the disparity between who we were when we were practicing monogamy and who we are practicing polyamory, and the kind of, time we devote to our relationships, and I think that's just like part of an intentional choice of wanting to be better at relating with people.

Laurel: But I just think it's one of the biggest misconceptions about Polly, like after we'd all did all of this work to make ourselves presentable to the public and it was like,

Daniel: Oh my God, it's the dog on fire.

Laurel: No, but they're watching a dog walk by that's on fire. Somebody saved that dog. What was

Daniel: There are a lot of things that people may not have the time or money to do to better themselves. Besides polyamory. And I think one of the fundamental things, for instance, is therapy.

Daniel: Therapy is a commodity that you pay for. And what strikes me about this is, yeah, you're probably going to be better at relationships if you're in therapy. We could kind of all agree with that.

Daniel: Like therapy can really help you relate to other people. But I think that you can also get some of this help processing, some of this. Interrelational practice, some of this emotional support and catharsis of like letting go of some of your trauma, I'm sorry I've used problematic and trauma here unironically twice.

Daniel: I'll do better. Um. You're learning.

Nichole: Yeah. You're learning and growing. You're taking a step back to learn. You're

Daniel: learning. But with your partners. You can do a lot of this work, and it doesn't cost you anything. Granted, I'm not saying that like, partners are a substitute for therapy, but I would say that deep, heartfelt, intercommunica interpersonal communication does a lot of the things that therapy does.

Daniel: Can do for half the price.

Nichole: It Makes me wish that there was a 12 step program for everything. Follow me here. So following step one.

Nichole: So 12 step. groups are the most anarchical organization That I've ever encountered that has a sustained function that yes Yes And hasn't been investigated by the government

Nichole: and it is a place where I am in community with other people and we're there for a common purpose. And there is a lot of self work and it is completely free. So the work that I do in that 12 step program allows me to be in relationship with other people. And so I just, I wish that there was a 12 step for every single person on the planet.

Nichole: There is something to the group dynamic of being able to be in relation with each other with a common purpose. In order to heal.

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: It kind of reminds me of what we do here.

Daniel: Like we come into a room, we sit down, we say, I'm Daniel!

Nichole: And I'm polyamorous! Hi Daniel.

Daniel: I'd like to share today my love with you all.

Aww.

Daniel: But we should acknowledge that podcasting is for the bourgeoisie. Oh yeah.

Nichole: Oh, for sure.

Daniel: Shall we move along home? Yeah. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. What's up next? Is this Polly?

Is this Polly or not?

Laurel: We don't have to like, put a placeholder for the interlude. Yeah, who's usually doing it is you, Laurel.

Laurel: I'm just, I don't do it intentionally. I'm not making a spectacle of it. Oh my God.

Daniel: Hi, I'm Laurel.

Laurel: Well, That sounded like Inspector

Gadget. It

Daniel: did.

Laurel: I want an Inspector Gadget type segment that's Polly tools. She's zzzzzz,

Daniel: you want me to whip it out?

Nichole: Did you do it for me? I did. So today, we're going to take a look at three more

Laurel: songs. And some of them are listener recommended.

Daniel: So the same stubert that gave us this week's question also gave us a recommendation of The first song that we're gonna look at, and that is Darling I by Tyler, the Creator.

Song: I drop my Beamer in the summer when I'm ready to drift. My Ferrari handle better and it's pretty as shit. Feel safe in the grove, big boy when I drive Love em all for different reasons at the same damn time See monogamy, that shit is not for me One option for everybody, don't you lie to me

Laurel: I do agree that the most accessible way to explain polyamory to people is the car metaphor.

Nichole: You know how you love your different cars different ways for different reasons?

Laurel: You know how you use your Beamer for this and your Ferrari for that? You

Daniel: know how one of them doesn't get upset that you've been inside another one?

Daniel: Exactly.

Daniel: For me, this sounds like a song from somebody who hasn't actually figured out that they're Polly yet. Like it's somebody on the cusp who is trying to explain things in terms of still failing at monogamy or having serial girlfriends. Cause there's another line where he talks about, Oh, I'm thinking I'm going to have , a new crib and two kids until I get infatuated with a new bitch.

Nichole: It reminded me of you, Laurel, in not now, but you were telling us about like in college before you got married. That is so funny.

Nichole: I was just thinking about that. Right? You would be infatuated with A bitch, and then you would get infatuated with a new bitch, and you would break up with old bitch and get with new bitch, and then that new bitch would become old bitch, and the cycle would

Laurel: continue. Yeah, and then bitch ad nauseum. No, this was, I was literally thinking like, oh yeah this is me.

Laurel: Singing to my now ex husband just before I proposed. Oops. But I was like, listen, monogamy, that's silly, right?

Daniel: Don't you want a Ferrari for the weekends?

Laurel: Yeah. But there are also moments in the song where I feel like it goes deeper and is

Laurel: like,

Daniel: um, He wishes his partner to have the same opportunity to explore.

Daniel: There's a part where he breaks this all down and he's like, I want you to be able to experience all these new things as well. And he

Nichole: follows up with, I don't own you. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. It's right on the cusp.

Nichole: It really is.

Daniel: Yeah. Standing in front of the obelisk with the tool.

Daniel: You know, it's, it's,

Daniel: it's, you know what for me really hamstrings the song is that it feels like yet again, like education in the form of a song. I feel like the ones that go on the nose and mention the term monogamy or non monogamy or et cetera, are always phrased in this context of like trying to convince somebody.

Daniel: To open up a relationship or to be cool with their open relationship.

Daniel: For me, music is not a medium that I go to, to be like, educated about polyamory. It's something, it's a place where I go to experience emotions and altered states of being. And so when I feel like I'm being, when I feel like it's like a a beginner's guide to polyamory and ABCs of non monogamy or a, here's the reason why we should be able to fuck other people I get bored.

Laurel: They do tend to be framed in a man talking to a woman trying to Explain why the relationship should be open or whatever and Yeah I can see that being like, authentic for a particular dynamic.

Laurel: I think that happens often people are trying to convince their partner or just trying to explain to their partner, like what's going on for them. But I think on the bigger scale, to me, it feels like an artist trying to explain to the world

Daniel: what polyamory

Laurel: is. Ends. And yeah, it's like instead of making a song about how much I love my gay lover, it's like writing a song about how much you should be okay with me loving my gay lover.

Laurel: And that just never worked for anybody.

Daniel: So is it poly?

Like I want to say yes,

Laurel: I do very much agree with the take of like, this is someone figuring out their non monogamy.

Nichole: I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say no. Because it reminds me so much of You Your experience before you were non-monogamy? I mean, I don't know if it's poly, it's non-Monogamy, yes. Yeah. And it's inching toward consensual non-monogamy.

Daniel: I would say it's poly in process. It's, It's uh, paw.

Daniel: Oh.

Nichole: Okay. Alright, next song. Next song. Next song.

Laurel: This next one is also from a listener.

Daniel: That's right. This one was put in our anonymous email. Question field on our website, polyamateurhour. com. So you too could be like Stubert and drop us a recommendation for, is this poly, or you could drop a question for ask the amateurs, or you could just tell us how beautiful we sound.

Laurel: Thank you.

Daniel: So next up, recommendation from a listener,

Daniel: multilove by Unknown Mortal Orchestra.

Song: Multi love Checked into my heart I trashed it like a hotel room Who is your god, where is she? She wants to bury me in Austin Oh, now where'd she go? She don't want to be your man Oh, oh, oh, oh She wants to be your love

Daniel: I don't know if it's Pauly, but it's definitely hipster.

Nichole: I

Laurel: don't, I don't think I'm smart enough for this song. I accidentally read too much about it. Oh, there are things to read about it? I was just like, okay, so you, I was looking up the lyrics and then looked at Genius Lyrics, and then, you know how they like, people can comment on the meaning of the lyrics?

Daniel: And they're like, I know this guy. And

Laurel: actually, yeah, they're like citing articles and like interviews with the, um, the frontman.

Daniel: So I feel like I got myself into this hole because I was like the last song is way too explicit and I can understand everything that's going on. It's like education. And so now the universe has given me this song, which I cannot understand at all.

Daniel: So Laurel, explain it, please.

Laurel: So apparently it is about, it's the front man, the person singing the song is talking about a relationship with his wife and then they like added a third woman to their relationship at some point. And and then like things got fucked up as they do. Like, I think that the two women were then more into each other than um, They were into him or just the third was more into his wife than she was into him Classic, yeah

Daniel: but really it sounds like he's angry at polyamory or non monogamy for disrupting his life.

Laurel: Yeah, I definitely was getting some of those what is the first metaphor that's being used? You

Daniel: trashed my heart like a hotel room.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. Like I read that very much like this situation, like this. The situation of having multiple lovers just tore me

Nichole: apart. One of the lyrics is she wants to bury me in Austin under Uchiko.

Daniel: That's a famous restaurant in Austin. I looked at Lyric Genius as well. Just briefly just to find out what the fuck that line was about.

Daniel: That's all I cared about. I'm like,

Nichole: great. Okay.

Daniel: I don't know. I kinda like the song sonically. I feel like it's pleasurable to listen to. It may be a song that's about polyamory, but I don't think it's pro polyamory.

Laurel: It doesn't, It doesn't sound like it. No, it does not.

Nichole: I think the song is fine. I'm I'm

Laurel: had I not looked it up on Genius Lyrics, I would have no fucking idea what it was about.

Nichole: Yeah, I guess you two read into it. I just, I really, I just hyper focused on, what's Uchiko? I just, I don't, I saw a reference to Valhalla.

Nichole: Cool Vikings. As far as is this Polly, I think that it is, I think you're right. In that it is not pro poly.

Daniel: So that's an inter that's That's an interesting question. Are anti poly songs, are they a yes or a no in the Is This Poly game?

I'd say yes still. Yeah.

Daniel: Yes. It is anti Pauly.

Nichole: Next song.

Daniel: We like to do songs in trios. It's, just to satisfy my particular need for symmetry while it lasts, next up kinky by I'm going to mispronounce it. Keisha, thank you.

Song: Tell me the freakiest shit you secretly wanna do Baby don't be embarrassed, probably wanna do that shit too Monogamy ain't natural, at least not for me and you We're in our own dimension, we're making up our own We're one in a million This one is a two, that's me and you.

Song: Plus one is a three, that's fun, fun, fun, fun. Boys kiss boys, kiss girls, kiss girls. That's how it's meant to be. Baby,

Daniel: Yet another polyamory counting song, you know, in the uh, ABC one, two, three educational, you know, uh, genre of non monogamy songs. Again, getting. Great Sesame Street energy from this one.

Laurel: They do some like have pop stars on Sesame Street. To do their songs in a funny, cute way. And I would like to see one of these, one of these three way, multiple partner sex songs on the Sesame Street.

Daniel: It's hard for me to listen to this song without thinking of the Britney Spears song. That's

Nichole: exactly what I was thinking of.

Daniel: So a few weeks ago in another one of our musical roundups, musical threesomes, musical triads, we listened to a Britney Spears song called one, two, three one penis, a two penis uh, uh,

Daniel: and that song you had this uh, this kind of postmodern breakdown of it, Laurel, where you were like, Oh, Britney is really trying to convince her lover to enter into a poly relationship. This song strikes me as like starting further down the football field.

Laurel: You

Daniel: know, Toward the, uh. yes, continue with this football metaphor.

Laurel: Really flesh it out.

Daniel: You know, uh, Toward the um, home base. Yes. Yeah, where you make a field goal.

Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Okay. Um, so I feel like her lover is already kind of included in her anthem and it's them in their non monogamous relationship saying this is natural.

Daniel: This is how things are meant to be. This is just, this is group sex is the will of God.

Nichole: He doth decree it.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: I mean, That's pretty much the whole song. is describing all the ways in which they are kinky together.

Nichole: I do love that it starts with in media res scene, like a little skit where she's calling her mom and she's talking about recording and the Spice Girls are next door.

Song: Do you want to say hi? Yeah! Okay. Come inside! Come and say hi! I know. Hello. Hi! Hello! It's mom. This is Kinky Spice. I'm quite the sloping spice, if you ask me.

Song: Hahahaha, holy shit. You like to put

Nichole: And then it turns out, I don't know who the fuck those people are. Kinky Spice, but also Sloppy Spice, which reminded me of Sloppy Polly.

Laurel: I did like Sloppy Spice. That was my favorite part of the song.

Laurel: Yeah, I think there's, Common theme through most of these polyadjacent or non monogamous songs in some way is that there is still a centering of a particular couple. Whether it's Rick James, or Tyler, the creator, or Brittany

Daniel: or a threesome of those three,

Laurel: or , like there is still the main characters in the song are the singer and another partner that they are speaking to or about.

Laurel: And in this one clearly she has a partner, they're talking about the kinky things they do, and they happen to be non monogamous. It all seems to be about sex. Correct. So there's that, but it is, and, but it's still even if you were reading other things into it, it is about me and you, baby.

Laurel: It's about

Daniel: But like Britney, like it struck me where the heart of the song is in a poly place. And that maybe this is the sequel song to Britney's one, two, three, where she's got the guy a little bit further

Nichole: along.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: And you know, this is like step two in the one, two, three, and that the third song ,

Laurel: the third song is that last one we just listened to, or was like this ruined everything.

Ouch.

Daniel: One, two, three, zero nihilism.

Nichole: So is this Polly?

Daniel: I'm going to say yes, because I'm going with my narrative here that this is this is a long game and that someday the Messiah of non monogamous pop stars will come and complete, complete the triptych.

Nichole: Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say yes I don't know that it's polyamory.

Nichole: I think it's not monogamy. I think that it's wholly centered on sex and the idea of other lovers and not necessarily other relationships. The song is called Kinky. So I think it's, it's polyamory. Pretty, pretty sex forward.

Laurel: Yeah, I, yeah, I was gonna be more on the negative side because it seems to be in the container of kink.

Daniel: Like non monogamy is just another form of kink.

Laurel: Yes. Look at this weird sex thing we do.

Nichole: That's a kink in itself.

Laurel: Yeah, it is.

Daniel: In our merch store, look for the t shirt. Look at the weird sex stuff that

Laurel: we do.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Song: This has been Polyamateur Hour, a production of Risa Records. If you have a question for Ask the Amateurs, or a recommendation for Is This Poly, please email us at polyamateurhour at gmail dot com. If you enjoyed the show, and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice, leave us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out.

Song: But we hope you tell three. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed, unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time!