Laurel (2): Hello,

Laurel. are you doing today?

I watched Everything Everywhere All at Once last night.

For the first time?

For the first time.

Really?

Obviously, I'm the only one committing to this voice, but I was thinking about the Raccoon Tui.

Raccoon Tui.

And if we are really puppets of ourselves.

Raccoon Tui is just a metaphor for the puppet master inside Yeah, it's our id.

Raccoon Tui is our id.

Raccoon Tui is our id.

And the spaghetti we make is just starches.

Daniel: I think you should freestyle more often.

I was, though, going to, like, do something that rhymed And made sense, and I think that yours was just far superior for having done neither

Laurel: I think that's why you're the professional, and I'm the amateur rapper

Daniel: Oh, I'm a professional rapper?

Laurel: Uh-huh. Yeah, you rhyme and it makes sense.

Daniel: That's what- That's- ... that's what determines it.

Laurel: Uh-huh.

Daniel: That's

Laurel: like- Yeah.

Daniel: Like, my job is just rationality

Laurel: Yeah, but it's, like, super rationality, you know? Creative rationality.

Daniel: Oh, look, it's Nicole.

Laurel: Hello, Nicole.

Daniel: Thank you for joining today.

Nichole: I fucking did it again.

Laurel: Oh, you killed feminism?

Daniel: No. No, I, yet again, misremembered something from the '90s that involved a penguin. Yet again?

Nichole: Remember when I d- when I was talking about, was it Kid Cuisine, and I was like, "The mascot was a penguin"?

Daniel: Yeah, that was kind of true.

Nichole: Was it? Yeah.

Daniel: Kind of true?

Nichole: Oh.

Daniel: Did I not tell you about the Google hole that I went into?

Nichole: Oh, no. You just told me that I misremem- no, I, swore that it was, like, Chilly Willy was- Yeah

the mascot-

Daniel: Yeah ...

Nichole: for Kid Cuisine. So when I was talking about Non Sequitur, the comic- Oh, yeah ... from the '90s-

Laurel: Yeah ...

Nichole: what I was thinking was Opus the Penguin, which is, like, not...

Laurel: But I did look up Non Sequitur, and I feel like it is a penguin.

Nichole: There's penguins in it. Mm-hmm. But I was literally thinking-

Laurel: Of a whole different comic

Nichole: a whole different comic that starred a penguin, was named after a penguin,

clearly.

Laurel: Wait, we talked about Kid Cuisine?

Daniel: Yes.

Laurel: I was there?

Daniel: Yes.

Laurel: I don't remember this at all.

Daniel: You were, you were being controlled by your raccoon tui at the time. Oh, fuck. Raccacoonie.

Nichole: Raccacoonie.

Daniel: Oh, Raccacoonie. I'm sorry. See, now, now I'm the misrememberer.

Laurel: Well, we've all seemed to forgotten very important things.

Nichole: I think when we record, we just black out.

Laurel: It's like an eating disorder for me. What? It's like I'm binging, and I just go into a complete alternate state.

Nichole: I just think that this is why we need a, a wiki to help us remember. Just so someone

Laurel: can

Nichole: help me

Laurel: remember?

Daniel: That was my motivation in asking- Yeah ... the Stewberts to do it.

Yeah. We need, like, auxiliary mind. Are you going to be my racconunuti?"

I am gonna put, for... You know how I try and intro each episode in the descriptions with, like, something that says, Polyamory Podcast? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's gonna be, like, the Polyamory Podcast that's like an eating disorder. s- You go into a fugue state, and you remember absolutely nothing.

Welcome to Polyamature Hour.

Laurel: Oh. I'm Laurel.

Daniel: I'm Nicole. I'm Daniel.

Laurel (2): And we're definitely gonna remember this.

Do we have

a

gift? We do, but Daniel wanted to wait till next week.

Daniel: Oh. Y- you know what? Since Nicole is bringing it up, and it's so rare that Nicole tries to work in an extra segment that we don't have time for- You're gonna

Laurel: go with it ...

Daniel: I'm, I'm gonna go with it. Hey, all y'all, it's time for a little DM sliders.

Laurel: Uh, hell yeah. I'm so excited about this. We got a package in the mail, and it is, square. It's a q- square shape.

Nichole: Fascinating. Tell me more.

Laurel: Uh, there's a little, illustration of three, uh, anthropomorphized cows. what are they doing?

Nichole: Let me see. They're

Daniel: not playing poker.

Laurel: No. There's, like, a barn in the background.

Nichole: They're making music.

Laurel: Okay.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: They're making music.

Daniel: That's not a paper cutter?

Laurel: I thought it was a paper cutter at first, too- ... but, but then I took a c- closer look.

Nichole: Is it a paper cutter?

Laurel: they're making music, 'cause that would make sense, because below it it says cow sounds.

Nichole: Cow.sounds.

Daniel: Is this- Okay, so I'm beginning to think that this is a, a record, a piece of vinyl, because the square is flat. Yes. It's a big flat square.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: I'm wondering if it is just an album of cow sounds.

I

Laurel: I think it is.

Daniel: Like, just like nonstop moos, or like-

Laurel: Moo. Do you need- Yeah, do we have a d- Yeah ... a device to open it? Give me

Nichole: one moment, please.

Daniel: I could probably do it with my fingers.

Laurel: With your fingers? We just trimmed your nails. Yeah. As a collective. We all three sat down and trimmed your nails.

Daniel: We're

Laurel: gonna-

Daniel: All right. for the Stu Bert's we're gonna have some unboxing sounds here.

Laurel: Careful with those scissors. Yeah.

Nichole: Do you want me to-

Daniel: Do

Laurel: you want me to- Yeah, yeah, let Nicole do it. We don't trust you with scissors.

Daniel: Yeah, remember the last time.

Laurel: I do.

Laurel: Okay, we got the package open. Okay.

Nichole: It's open.

Daniel: It's open.

Nichole: We have...

an album- ... called Cow Sounds.

Laurel: Cow Sounds.

I'm so excited. This came from a Stubert, who is the mastermind behind Cow Sounds, and probably I'm gonna guess is , the cow on the back with the crossed legs-

Nichole: Mm-hmm ...

Laurel: looking a little, uh, a little coy.

Nichole: Can we listen?

Daniel: Yes. Electronic.

Laurel: Ooh.

Nichole: Get

Daniel: down.

Laurel: This is-

Nichole: Yeah. This is why we need video.

Laurel: Yes. This is why... This is absolutely why we need vide

Nichole: Yeah, I'm gonna head to the peach pit. I'm

Daniel: imagining cows dancing to this.

Laurel: Yes. I'm imagining I'm a cow dancing to this.

Daniel: I sometimes imagine you're a cow too.

Laurel: I know. Milking. Oh, God.

Ugh. We should have a cringe counter for Nicole. Is, is

Daniel: the episode over, like, when we hit a certain number- A certain amount of cringe? Yeah ... and we just, just stop it- ... right at-

Laurel: Yeah ...

Daniel: number 27.

Laurel: This is fun. Now I'm imagining cows racing. Oh. But, like, in, in sport cars.

Daniel: Yeah, like, uh, go cow carts.

Nichole: I'm trying to think of a pun with Fast and the Furious.

I already made a pun with Fast and the Furious many, many episodes ago. Nas-cow. Ooh. There

Daniel: we go.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah, that's it. There we go.

Nichole: Awesome.

Laurel: This is so fun.

Nichole: Thank you, Cow Sounds.

Laurel: Thank you so much, Cow Sounds. I'm excited that this is our first record for your new turntable.

Daniel: Maybe it'll be the only one.

Laurel: The only one.

Daniel: Maybe just leave it. No, I have a whole stack of vinyl.

Nichole: And I'm like, where do we put them? There's no room.

Daniel: There's, there's, there's room down here.

Nichole: Again, Why would we have it down here? It's, like, your pillow corner that you wanted when we first moved in. You're like, "There's room in the basement."

Daniel: Okay. Okay. I still have feels about this.

Nichole: Uh-huh.

Daniel: When me and Nicole first started seeing each other- Mm-hmm ... I was living in another house- Mm-hmm ... on the top floor, but it didn't really make sense to have, like, a couch in there 'cause it was, like, just a giant bedroom. And so I had a pillow nook.

Also, it is in the family. Stubert's, here's, like, something you can put in the wiki I come from on my mother's side, a pillow and bedspread empire.

Laurel: Daniel, Daniel comes from Big Pillow.

Daniel: they, like, supplied, kind of cheesy decorative pillows and bedspreads with, intense patterns on them and stuff. Mm-hmm. I kinda liked them. Like, they were, like, sometimes exotic paisleys and things.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Oh.

Daniel: but their store was called Bits and Pieces. It was their outlet store- ... where they were selling, like, like just-

Laurel: Yeah, just pillow scraps.

Daniel: Yeah. And I remember my therapist when I was, younger he was a Jewish therapist.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: You know, because aren't they all? And he was like, " Oh, do you have any, like, feelings about coming from this schmatta family with, like, Bits and Pieces?" Schmatta is, is the Yiddish term for rags, and, like, we're known as, like- ... like, rag salesmen. Oh, the schmatta industry. Oh my God.

Laurel: And I

Daniel: was like, "Not until now."

Laurel: Yeah, not- ... not until my therapist just, just dissed me for being poor.

Wow.

Even though I come from Big Pillow. Amazing. Anyways, Nicole made you burn all the remnants of your- ... your poor, shameful past.

Daniel: Yeah, like my family legacy. She was like, " These are not coming with us to our new home." Like, what the fuck are you?

Are you some kind of, like, like, futon boy? Some kind of futon

Laurel: boy.

Daniel: With your fucking pillow nook. I think it was extremely cute. You sit in the pillow nook. It was, like, a ton of pillows. There was, like, 15 big pillows.

Nichole: See, when you met me I was 29, even at that point, laying on the floor watching something- ... even, even if bolstered by pillows, wasn't feeling good. So I was just thinking about the long game. Like, I'm gonna be with this man for the rest of my life. I better break the pillow habit now-

Laurel: Before-

so that

Nichole: I sh- save his back ...

Laurel: before he gets stuck one day. Yeah.

Daniel: Oh.

Laurel: And nobody can help him up.

Daniel: So I was about to be kind of, like, Maybe hurt, I don't know, confused. Like you were gonna be like, " Oh, I was 29 and I did not have yet respect for schmatta." Which I thought would be, oh, That, betrays a, a lack of education about Jewish culture. But then you're like, "Oh, I wanted you to get rid of them to help your back." And it's so it's like, maybe you did know. It

Laurel: came, yeah, it came full circle. Straight back to Jew.

Okay. Well, Daniel's still hurt about this, and, um, good luck with that.

Daniel: You know what I think would help me get over it,

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Is if we did one of the segments that we actually came down here to do. Yeah,

Laurel: yeah, yeah. Which one?

Nichole: Well,

Daniel: what do you think?

Nichole: I mean, probably unicorn hunter hunters.

Daniel: Oh, you like a little unicorn hunter hunters?

Nichole: You like a little unicorn hunter hunters.

Laurel: You sick freak.

Nichole: I thought

Laurel: he was gonna say we have to do one of the segments from Pillows on the Ground.

Daniel: What is that? What?

Laurel: Like,

Nichole: to, to recreate- The pillows you had on the ground.

Daniel: Oh, I thought you meant it was some kind of like show or something. We gotta do one of the segments from Pillows on the Ground.

Nichole: Yeah, if you had a show- ... it would be called Pillows on the Ground. you would make guests lie down with you.

So of course there's like coffee, like mugs of coffee and like the guest keeps trying to like- Drinking ... stay, And your entire band is also like down on the ground.

There's a guy with drums randomly. He can barely play the drums. Let me say

Daniel: All right.

Nichole: Unicorn Hunter Hunters is a segment where we find unicorn hunter profiles, and we rate them on three categories: self-aggrandizement, arbitrary rules, and would we unicorn?

Daniel: Today we have a unicorn hunter, hunters that we sourced from Feeld.

Laurel: Ooh.

Daniel: Back to the classics.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: They're just generally weirder. Like- Yeah,

Laurel: I like that.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Then swinger lifestyle? I

Daniel: sometimes swinger lifestyle is weird, but it's also very, very much the same. Everybody's not a Ken and Barbie.

Yeah. Everybody's, orally talented.

Nichole: Everybody's from Florida.

Daniel: Yeah. Fucking 10,000 talented tongues of Florida. I

Nichole: think that's the state motto.

Daniel: I think I'm gonna need a little bit of advice in how to go about the reading of this. Okay. Because we've had a lot of, like, profiles that have been in all caps.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: We've never had a profile that is all in title case.

Nichole: Whoa.

Laurel: Whoa.

Nichole: That's a special kind of psychotic.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Every word is a new sentence.

Nichole: every second is a new opportunity to make a friend.

Daniel: All right. I'm going to, you know, based on, my shameful background in advertising, I'm going to read every sentence like it's a headline.

We'll

Nichole: see how quickly- Yeah ... it becomes annoying.

Daniel: Immediately.

I'm Shua, the other half of Dee and Shua. I have 52 years of life experience and hadn't experienced being truly loved back until I got involved with Dee.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: That's a little sad. That's a little sad of an opener, right?

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah, I don't

Nichole: love that.

Daniel: Together, we're pretty close to perfect. When making love, we're pretty much the best sexual partner both ever had.

Laurel: Okay.

Nichole: All right, I'm happy you found D.

Laurel: f- so far it just sounds like a person who is probably pretty, like,, emotionally unregulated about their exes and in deep NRE- Mm-hmm

with D,

Daniel (2): And emotionally Unregulated with their capitalization.

Laurel: That too.

Nichole: That too. Lonely people make me really, really sad, and I think that there are just, like, an increasing number of lonely people- Mm

in the world, and we're all very separate and siloed from each other, and that's how we get to this extremism. So I'm going to choose that he and D are really, really in love until he says something, I don't know, antisemitic, and then I'm like- ... "All right, that's, this guy's an asshole."

Daniel: All right. You ready?

Nichole: Sure.

Daniel: The biggest turn-on is the open and honest communication combined with both of us being freaks who enjoy sharing very well with each other and our partners."

How good of a job am I doing with the reading it like it's in title case?

Laurel: I can't tell if you're doing a good job or you just keep flashing your hands, and that's doing all the lifting.

Nichole: We'll hear back.

Laurel: Yeah, yeah. Like,

Nichole: I think we'll be able to judge... What should I do? Just close my eyes while you- Yeah

while

Laurel: you're

Nichole: reading.

Daniel: What is the thing I'm doing with my hands with every word? Is it, like, a... It's not jazz hands. It's not spirit fingers. It's, like, starburst hands.

Laurel: We do this, like, as a warmup for pole. it's like you're making a very loose fist.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: And then-

Daniel: It's like a starfish that's attacking you

Laurel: if it got into a ball first and then-

Daniel: This is gonna give me carpal tunnel.

Laurel: Yeah, this is, uh, why I have arthritis.

Nichole: You guys- '

Laurel: Cause

Nichole: I- ... look like you're in a cult, and this is, like-

Laurel: How we be-

Nichole: your greet- ...

Laurel: praise each

Nichole: other Like, it's your greeting.

Daniel: Onward. "Now we're seeking a fun, chill, female life partner who's bisexual and open-minded- Mm-hmm ... with a kinky, playful energy."

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: what do you think of life partner as a- Sh- ... like, Like, this is quintessentially unicorn hunting, right?

Laurel: Yeah, this is, like, the platonic ideal of a unicorn hunter.

bisexual female closed triad forever.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Yeah, that freaks me out.

the upfront statement of, like, "And this is forever. You are our life partner." So

Laurel: Like, there's some people that I've seen that are like, you know, open to whatever, but ultimately looking for my person, my life partner.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: and I realize that that is the implicit goal of, like, monogamous dating there's nothing wrong with wanting that-

Daniel: Yeah ...

Laurel: but There's something weird to me about just shoehorning people into a dynamic.

Daniel: it is more like a job posting. And that- Yeah. And that- Mm-hmm ... the position is life partner in title case.

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: I, that person or these people are coming to the table with an already solidified idea of what it is that they're looking for, and you have to fit those parameters.

Yeah. And if you don't-

Daniel: like, I'm looking for a life partner, but I will use you and have fun with you in the meantime. And when I meet you, very soon after our connection, I will sort you into one of-" One of

Laurel: those two buckets.

Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Which path, which path are you going?

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: okay.

While also being, this is about , the kinky, open bisexual female life partner.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: While also being honest and transparent With a couple that is accepting, loving, supportive, and empathetic, and awesome in bed.

That's effin' hot with three T's

Laurel: Like, we want a life partner, but everything we're telling you right now is about sex.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: And

Laurel: that we're, we're wonderful, we're empathetic and caring and-

uh-

Nichole: I mean, that's always the red flags with these,

Daniel: Yeah

Nichole: like, you won't believe how empathetic we are. We're so empathetic. We will feel your feelings before you feel them.

Daniel: You know, people say I'm an empath. Especially the unicorn geisha that we have chained up in the pillow corner.

Let's talk and see how things go. No pressure to commit." I realize that I'm starting to sound like David Lynch.

Laurel: You are. You really are. Oh my

Daniel: God. "Sometimes just having fun is having a great relationship too!"

Nichole: Wait, sometimes having fun is having a great relationship also?

Laurel: I think what they're trying to say is, like, yes, we're looking for this life partner, but also it's okay to just have some fun, 'cause that's also a great relationship.

Daniel: Hooking up is a great relationship.

Laurel: Yeah. Oh, God. Yes. I think that's- Is what they're saying. Yeah, I think that's what

Daniel: they're

Laurel: saying.

Daniel: You wanna see some pictures?

Laurel: Yeah, I do. Mm.

Daniel: All right. here's number one.

Yeah, so we've got him posing, doing like the devil horns with his fingers, sunglasses, backwards baseball cap, with a football trophy.

For the IFL. I have no idea what that is. Uh, 2025- Inner

Laurel: National Fingering League. Well, in that

Daniel: case- It's, it's, it's weird that there's a-

Laurel: That's what, that's what- ... football at the top of the trophy, but- Yeah.

Daniel: and he does have a little cute dog- Yeah ... of the Nancy variety.

Laurel: Which, okay, I'm gonna call even more bullshit on the I've never been loved properly thing. '

Daniel: Cause what about the dog? '

Laurel: Cause what about the fucking dog?

Nichole: Yeah. Also, is that a lot of tattoos that he has?

Daniel: Yeah, it looks like he's got- Yeah ... a full sleeve going up all the way onto his fingers on at least that arm.

Nichole: Okay, now I'm seeing this guy. Yeah. All right.

Laurel: typical sort of like emotionally like closed off male who hasn't learned how to like process relationships or really like relate to people in a complete way, is now in his 50s f- for the first time maybe relating to somebody- Yeah

fully, or maybe just has good sex with them.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Okay, so now we have picture number two Close up- Mm. Mm ... with the dog, snuggling the dog. That is sweet.

Laurel: You're a good puppy.

Daniel: But it's also like picture one and two with your dog feels a little manipulative.

And this is close enough that we can see the name on the dog tag.

Nichole: Oh, no.

Daniel: The dog's name is Josh.

Nichole: And I'm

Daniel: all for giving pets human names. You, you know this, but Josh-

Nichole: Josh. Yeah.

Laurel: That's

Nichole: bad.

Daniel: That's like Daschle's name when we first got him. The pound- Yeah ... had given them the name of, uh- Justin Jones, which sounds like a fucking, like, cult-

Laurel: Manosphere influencer.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: I really think that I am less swayed by dogs in dating profiles now.

I love my dogs. I love my dogs, and I literally have not spent a night away from the dogs since December, and so every morning, it's either the alarm or Darla who is waking me up.

Mm-hmm. I mean-

I'm like, "Hmm, he doesn't have a dog. That means there's a place I could go that would not have a dog." Oh.

Laurel: Oh, I see what you mean.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: You guys.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Not only is this picture close enough that we can read the name of the dog-

Laurel: We can get his phone number?

Daniel: Yes.

Laurel: Oh my God.

Daniel: His phone number is visible on the dog tag. Oh. The question is, do we call him- Absolutely

Nichole: not.

Daniel: Abso- ... right now- ... lutely

Nichole: not ...

Laurel: If we were a better podcast, we would do it.

Daniel: Maybe we should give the number to the Steuberts so they can call him.

Nichole: No.

Laurel: No, I am not doxing this poor emotionally stunted person. Dog. No, the dog is fine. The, it's not the dog's fault its name is Josh.

It, like... It goes by something else amongst its friends.

Nichole: Yeah, like a Jellicle cat.

Laurel: Yes ...

Daniel: Jellicle

Laurel: Okay, so we have, like a Krampus statue in like a shimmery, like, pink robe, and then there's our suitor dressed in a Santa Claus costume, but with horns on

Daniel: So also kind of Krampus.

Laurel: Yeah, also kind of Krampus-y. Yeah. And then, another person who Like, their face is blacked out, but it looks like they're dressed as Elvira dressed as Mrs. Claus.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. This is actually my favorite picture of the three so far. Clear-

Laurel: clearly. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. What are you guys thinking for self-aggrandizement?

Laurel: I'm gonna say, like, seven. Like, it's a, a weird thing that couples do where they talk about, like, how good their relationship is.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: And I never believe them.

Nichole (2): I think because part of the backlash against non-monogamy, right, is that you're opening your relationship to save it.

Laurel: Right, yeah.

Daniel: I seriously thought you were gonna say, "Open your relationship to Satan."

Laurel: Open... Please, open your relationship to Satan.

Nichole: That would improve things.

So that's why it always starts at the beginning with, like, "We're a happily married couple."

Laurel: Yeah. But this one goes, like, the extra mile-

Nichole: Yeah ...

Laurel: of like, "I've never been truly loved until D loved me." like, okay, so then you're, are you expecting this person to match that level?

Nichole: That's what I was thinking.

Laurel: Or is this person supposed to be okay with always being secondary- Yeah ... to this magical relationship?

Nichole: Yeah. And am I entering into basically a relationship with, like, perfect, perfect D and man baby child- Yeah ... who has never experienced love until very recently. Yes. So obviously- Would be great at

Laurel: it.

Right.

Daniel: I think that also it leaves out, like, all the many other kinds of self-aggrandizement that we've seen.

Laurel: Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Daniel: Like, it doesn't have the, like, magnetic, energy to it. It doesn't have the boat and the world traveler and the professional and the dick measurements and the- It's

Laurel: much less classist and much less body-ist.

Daniel: so I would go seven.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: I would join you, Laurel, on the seven, except I'm going to give a bonus point-

Laurel: Oh ...

Daniel (2): for the title case profile. I just believe that has to live in self-aggrandizement- Yeah. That's your entire profile is a headline.

Laurel: Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. That's fair.

Nichole: Yeah, I'll go seven.

Laurel: And then, uh, Arbitrary rules.

Nichole: I mean, except, like, signing a l- life contract to Krampus, like, I don't- Like-

Daniel: Open your relationship to Satan.

Nichole: Like, I would give it an eight- Yeah ... because I really do think that, like, setting up those parameters is just, like, coming to the table with an idealized version of something that, like...

Metrics that I would never be able to hit.

Daniel: I am going to join you on eight. I would have also given a seven, but I'm bumping it up to eight just for this sentence,

Laurel: hmm. "

Daniel: Now we're seeking a fun, chill female life partner who's bisexual and open-minded with a kinky, playful energy."

That in and of itself puts them, I think, pretty high.

Laurel: There's also something that makes me assume that they want this person to be 20 years younger than them.

Nichole: I had assumed that too .

Laurel: Right? Yeah. Totally. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: It gives me, like, , Manic Pixie dream girl energy.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, some of the couples that we see unicorn hunting, I feel like they have all these secret implicit rules, and that they would berate and shame you for not living up to them- Mm-hmm

and constantly try and, like, mold you into it.

Devin: Yeah.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: Where I feel like this couple would just, like, stop calling you.

Nichole: They would just drop. Yeah.

Laurel: They would just drop. Absolutely. Yeah. And for some reason, that feels less...

Nichole: Well, it's less culty.

Laurel: It's less culty.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: It's less, like... You would just be like, "Oh, shit, those assholes ghosted me."

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's less traumatizing than them trying to, like, berate you into, like, being their ideal version.

Uh, so I'll go with six.

Nichole: Wow. All

Laurel: right. Would we unicorn for them,

Daniel: I would say no. the devil horns, the football trophy, the backwards baseball cap- Yeah

like, all of this tells me this is someone who would, like, gay bash me.

Laurel: Mm.

Mm.

I will have sex next to these people at the velvet rope.

Daniel: Nice. I feel like we have.

Laurel: I was just about to say, and I have. These are

Nichole: definitely velvet rope people.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah,

Daniel: absolutely. For stupids, velvet rope is one of three sex clubs in Portland, Oregon.

Laurel: That we know of. We just haven't been invited to the fourth.

Daniel: We haven't founded the fourth.

Laurel: Which is gonna be the daytime sex club.

Daniel: The daytime sex club/mini golf.

Nichole: For geriatric millennials and Gen Xers who just wanna go to bed early.

Laurel: Yeah. I'm now getting advertised like, party events for people in their 30s and 40s that are over by 9:00.

and it's like this is what it looks like, and there's people just, like, having, like, a fucking rocking out great time in, like, a cool party environment, and then it's like, event hour is, like, 5:30 to 9:00

Nichole: PM.

I'm into it. Yeah. I'm hella into it.

Laurel: And I'm like, this is what our sex club will be like.

Nichole: Yeah. Is it called happy hour?

Laurel: Oh, that's good. Oh, yeah. I like that.

Daniel: This is good branding.

Nichole: You're welcome.

Laurel: TM, TM, TM.

Nicole we are waiting with bated breath to know.

Oh,

Nichole: no. He named his dog Josh.

Laurel: That was it.

Poor Josh.

Daniel: Okay. Well, we better call him and let him down easy.

Laurel: Yeah. I think he'll be okay if we just ghost him.

Daniel: and that's why you're, like, a little bit more chill about them, right? 'Cause it's like takes the pressure off.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: And it's like I'm so relieved that they will not actually care about me.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: You know who we do care about?

Laurel: We care about our very special guest.

Daniel: today we have a wonderful local comedian from here in Portland, Oregon, Devin Devine.

part of many comedy showcases in town. They run one comedy showcase called Giggle Bottom,

we had a crazy ball of a time-

Laurel: An

Daniel: absolute

Laurel: ball ... with-

Daniel: A crazy ball. We had at least two balls

Laurel: Our hands were full.

Daniel: Our hands were full of Devin's balls- Oh my God ... this entire time, and we can't wait to get our hands on them again.

Nichole: Roll tape.

Daniel: Roll tape.

Devin: you wanna see my latest tattoo?

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: Yeah. Is it-

Laurel: Where is it? Is it in your lap?

Devin: on my leg.

Daniel: Oh, my God.

Nichole: Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Daniel: All right, so here we, we have- Ah. Wow ... here we have-

Nichole: God, that's so good ...

Daniel: a Diet Coke tattoo. It, it is quite prominent. Can you make it dance?

Laurel: Can you make it

Devin: dance?

I'm like, can I flex that muscle? Yeah.

Laurel: That is-

Devin: Which is fun because then also, um, my- Oh ... uh, who I've nicknamed my Walter Goggins worm. Yes. Uh, Walton Goggins, 'cause it kinda looks like his character in the new TV show he's in with the red face. I forget the name of it. It's the zombie one. Oh, yeah, yeah. The, like, down in the bunker zombie one.

Sure, yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. I think it's called Down in the Bunker Zombie. It's-

Laurel: Wait, can we, the audience just know what the tattoo we're referring to is of?

Devin: Um, it's a worm With a cowboy hat and a handkerchief.

Laurel: But it's

Devin: all of your listeners are gonna be like- Having someone else's tattoos described to us-

Daniel: Right ...

Devin: is weird.

Daniel: That's, that's what they tune in for, is the imagination. Oh. Is the imagination. They don't want, they don't want- They don't want unmediated reality.

Nichole: Yeah, no. And our Stuberths are so imaginative. So imaginative. They're the most creative-

Devin: Mm-hmm ...

Nichole: and the most beautiful

Devin: and the sexiest and- I

Nichole: would love...

Devin: I will send a photo.

They're gonna find these online. I can't pretend that my, like, body is hidden on the internet. I will send y- one of the listeners, if they draw the best convincing photo- ... of what they think this worm looks like- Ooh ... uh, without looking. How? Don't look, you cheaters.

All right. You little, you little- Yeah

Daniel: So Stuber- ...

Devin: scoundrels ...

Daniel: Stuberths. Scoundrels. Stuberths, if you are the most accurate cowboy worm drawer- ... you not only get... What, what are, what are they?

Devin: I'll send you a photo of the worm, uh, personalized.

Daniel: Nice. Signed. You get a signed photo

Devin: of the worm. I'll have, I'll have a, like, in the true, like...

I'll, I'll put your, your handle on a sign.

Daniel: Yeah. This is a limited series of one.

you also get admission to art school.

Devin: Oh, yeah. Oh. No, yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Can You draw this worm?

Devin: Yeah ... any art school- Any- ... I've got an in.

Laurel: Devon is in with big art school.

Devin: With big arts. Yep. Me. I g- it, um... I got in.

Uh, also I didn't know until I listened to the episode that you do literature reviews. Oh, yes. I'd be so into that. Yes. Okay, yay. I'm so into that 'cause I read a lot... I'm getting my MFA in fiction. Oh. I'm writing a novel, so I'm like very- Oh, fantastic ... uh, and like often joke that like some of the problems in my novel would be solved by polyamory.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: It's just like cell phones, like polyamory ruins all plots the way that cell phones ruin like- Yeah ... suspense movies.

Devin: Um, a- as someone that's writing like a horror-thriller- Ooh ... including cell phones is the bane of my existence.

Laurel: Yeah.

Devin: Yeah. Like, there's so many times where I'm like, "I would use my cell phone as a flashlight." Um, but, I would love to do the literature element with you. Yes.

Laurel: Okay, do you specifically, do you care or do you have a preference for fiction or nonfiction?

Daniel: Can you get through a 450-page hockey smut book right now?

Devin: Okay, which one are you about to read? Are you reading-

Nichole: Pucking Around.

Devin: Okay. Incredible. Um, the thing is, is I do think my best friend will put a hit on me- If I read a different hockey book than the Heated Rivalry series- Oh.

Hmm. Okay. Because I've been telling them, as someone that was I'm gonna say this boldly- ... in my circles, one of the first people to watch Heated Rivalry. Like, you know how people- Hmm ... were about Chapel Roan?

Laurel: Yes.

Devin: Um, I do feel this way, where four weeks- ... I was telling all my friends to watch Heated Rivalry.

Four weeks. Uh-huh. 'Cause the first time the episode dropped, I watched it the next day, I will say this: for all of the flaws of the algorithm, the second I give it a cookie, it's like, "Yeah, we got you." Uh. We are here. You are inundated. Yeah. And I'm like, "Great, I love catching up." Yeah. Um.

Daniel: And all, all of a sudden, like, uh, Amazon is trying to sell you knee pads, but for the totally wrong reasons.

For

Devin: the wrong reasons. Uh, oh, my God. I, The other day, I did have a, like, this is what it is like to suck dick in your 30s moment, because I did want knee pads very briefly. Yeah. I was

Laurel: like, this- You need those little garden things that- It's like,

Devin: yeah, one of those, like- Oh, they're called the garden things

foam garden things. Yeah.

Laurel: Oh, yeah.

Nichole: I am thinking of things to stock the fuck room with- Yes ... and knee pads is one of them. Yes.

Devin: Oh my God, of course you

Nichole: have a fuck room. Yeah, yeah. If you- We'll, we will have a fuck room. You will

Devin: have a fuck room.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah, this is

Devin: a- Is it gonna be behind this curtain? Are

Daniel: so We started before we even got on- Perfect ... on mic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah As, as always- Immediately ... the best stuff is, is just in our memories to savor.

Devin: Which is how it should be.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: But as far as starting the lineup.

Laurel: Uh- Wait, can we make Devon introduce themselves?

Daniel: Devon, introduce yourself. Wait.

Laurel: Can we make Devon? Yeah,

Devin: I was like, "Uh-"

Laurel: Everyone get together and we're gonna gang up on Devon.

Daniel: Compel. Oh,

Devin: no.

Daniel: Compel.

Devin: The gang bang's already started.

Hold me down. Make me say my name. Oh, no.

Uh, hi, everyone. I'm Devin Devine. Uh. Uh, uh, am a writer and comedian.

Nichole: Hell

Devin: yeah. And Taurus. I do know that this is- I do know that this is, like, an astrology, uh, adverse crowd, so, like-

Laurel: Just mostly ignorant, I

Devin: would say.

Which is, like- Yeah. Talk about...

Daniel: We have a segment, we have a segment called Astrology.

Devin: Yeah, and I'm sure that- That's- ... that came from a place of ... of deep, , curiosity and- ... and not mocking.

Daniel: I'm from Portland, Oregon.

Devin: Yes.

Daniel: I I knew my chart when I was born.

Nichole: I am all earth signs and two Capricorns, so do I give a shit? No. Oh,

Devin: I love, I- I, I love an astrology adverse Capricorn, 'cause you're like, "Why do I need any of this? I can do it myself."

Nichole: Fate dictated by the earth and the stars? Absolutely not.

Mm,

Daniel: absolutely not. Why is this in a circle shape? I'm gonna fix this and put it in a spreadsheet. Um, and we were not doing it mockingly, thank you very much. Great. Okay. It was with- We love ass. We do. And astrology. Astrology.

Devin: Astrology.

Daniel: Our guest, with our guest, Estevan The God-

Devin: Oh, incredible ...

Daniel: queer, queer rapper- Right.

Yes ... out of Houston, Texas. Okay. Astrologer,, uh, tarot card impresario.

Devin: Mm. Mm-hmm. Impresario. So I, I will say, I own some tarot decks. I get tarot readings. I am not someone that can do more than read what the little book tells me. Yeah. Yeah. And then occasionally I remember, "Oh yeah, I got that one, that card before."

Mm. "I remember what that said at that time in my life. That was rude last time. It probably feels worse this time." Mm-hmm. Um, that's about where I'm at with tarot. I did- That's, that's how I

Daniel: am with relationships.

Devin: Mm. Oh, I should do this a little bit differently. Yeah. I, surely I will have learned my lesson.

Uh- I'll just, I'll

Daniel: do something- Yeah ... that is equally as problematic, but just slightly to the left.

Laurel: Yeah.

Devin: Yeah. Um- I mean, that's growth.

Daniel: So- I thought that you were gonna say that's gross. Yeah.

Devin: and I hosted a show together last night, and we were talking about how badly that they want to be your friend. Like, they want to hang out with you.

Sorry, just- They want to hang out with JoJohn? ... absolutely putting- Just, just- You- Is

Daniel: it... You're just looking at Laurel.

Devin: No, no. No, it's everyone. No, no, no. JoJohn- No, all of you, wants to hang out with you. Yes. Laurel got the most excited, so I was like, "Yes." Um-

Laurel: Because I like comment on JoJohn's Instagram all the time, and I'm like, "Am I being weird?"

But I'm always like- No ... "Mm, yeah, give me that ass."

Daniel: Um- To be fair, you have that set on, like cut and paste, and that's pretty much what you say on every- And that's being over and over again ... every single Instagram that you possibly- Give me

Devin: that ass.

Daniel: Give me that ass.

Devin: God. Oh, that's who keeps commenting on Martha Stewart's post.

Devin: All right.

Nichole: What's first?

Laurel: Sex bits? Sex bits. Yeah.

All right.

Nichole: Sex

Devin: I think to be silly is to be sexy.

Laurel: I do too.

Devin: Yes.

Laurel: I do too. Mm-hmm.

Devin: And if your sexy doesn't have some version of silly, even like, if not silly, whimsy- Yeah,

Laurel: yeah ...

Devin: then like you're probably taking it too seriously.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not gonna be able to take it seriously. Yes. Like, this is my favorite genre of femdom. Mm-hmm. The like incredibly serious, very hot, very mean femdoms- Uh-huh ... online, in their online content. I love them. I worship them. They deserve millions and millions of dollars, and I know if I was to do-

submission for someone that hot and that serious-

Nichole: Mm-hmm ...

Devin: I could not handle it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Laurel: I

Devin: would just be laughing the whole time.

Nichole: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And

Devin: they would hate it.

Nichole: Yeah.

Devin: And they would punish me for laughing- Yeah. Yes ... thus making me laugh harder probably.

Nichole: Absolutely.

Devin: Like, there's just no way And I know that there's like a bunch of dominants right now that are like, "Let me break 'em," and I'm like, "Oh, no." Um, but the phrase giggle bottom, uh- ... it, it is a show that I run and host. Uh-huh. That's one of the things I didn't say in my introduction. Um, a friend said it about me once, and I've never let that go, that like if in a bottoming situation, I'm probably gonna giggle a

Laurel: little bit.

Daniel: So this is the first time that we've been able to, um, one, subject our sex bits to, , an outsider.

Nichole: Mm. Mm-hmm. Great. Incredible. And- Yeah, usually it's just me.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Well, she feel, she feel, she feels like an outsider when we do it. Yeah. It makes...

Nichole: outs- Yeah, my role in this is just faces, which, so again, like, we don't have video, but it's usually me just going- Your, your role is mild

Laurel: disgust. Hmm.

Yeah.

Devin: Yeah. Hmm. Which I would say, yeah, e- every bit needs a straight man. Exactly. Uh-huh. And, and- Yep ... and, and in this instance it gets to be you. Yep.

Daniel: Also the straight person.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. You

Daniel: say that so mournfully. Womp,

Laurel: womp. Sorry about it. I lament it every day

Daniel: Yeah. It's the one tragic part of Polyamory Hour.

Laurel: It, yeah.

Daniel: Is that you're straight.

Nichole: Wow. So I'm

Devin: would argue one of the, I think, , the diminishing populations that exist that I grieve in a way as someone that once knew it so well is the straight woman. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um-

Nichole: Oh, yeah, I'm just a minority.

Devin: Yeah, no, it's like-

if, if we're talking about endangered

Nichole: species.

Devin: Feel sorry for me.

Nichole: I need special treatment. Thank you.

Devin: Thank you. It

Nichole: is-

Devin: I, uh-

Nichole: I'm a victim of circumstance.

Devin: , The incredible transition to white woman voice is just, uh- Yeah. And , I just was telling my friend, I went and saw family in Montana, and immediately found myself being like, " Hey. Hi. Yeah." Oh, for sure. Yes. Like, I just went like all the things I do to like keep my like vocal levels down- Yeah ... went you know, just loop.

, I love being a lady. I am, uh, at this point in my life I feel like my inner straight woman, she's, you know, trapped somewhere. Ooh. and I definitely think she makes herself known, because I think it is the only way I keep matching the same d- demographic of man.

Mm. Mm. Like, online. Uh-huh. I think it's because, , uh, sometimes when I'm, like, swiping, it's, like, a part, like a, like a recessive- Yeah ... like, deep program. It goes, "That one seems fine," and says yes.

Laurel: Mm.

Daniel: You've, you've heard of lizard brain. Yeah. But haven't checked out lady brain.

Devin: Yeah. Yeah. Lady deep, deep, uh- Straight lady brain ...

Laurel: straight

Devin: lady brain.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: so this is not only the first time that we've invited somebody from the outside- Into the Sex Bits, yep ... into the Sex Bits, but it's the first time that Laurel has located an online Sex Bit.

Oh,

Laurel: yeah.

Devin: Oh, you found a bit.

Laurel: Yeah, I found a bit,

Devin: Is it on

Reddit?

Laurel: Of course

Devin: it's on

Laurel: Reddit.

Devin: Okay, it's not Reddit. I- Where do you think- Yeah ... we found this, Google? Yeah.

Laurel: Okay. Mm. So this is from, uh, TIFU. Mm-hmm. The Time I Fucked Up subreddit. And it says, "The time I fucked up while eating my fiance out, I tried something experimental."

Oh.

Oh,

My soon-to-be wife works in accounting, and she also hates computers- ... but it helps us pay the bills. So to make it up to her a while back, I bought her a novelty bell that says ring for blow job. Obviously, it's not the same, but if she ever rang it, I would eat her out.

Nothing out of the ordinary."

" Today I had a day off, so I did the cleaning, so I did the cleaning up and made the bed, took the dog for a walk."

Devin: Wow,

Laurel: exceptional. "And as a guy does when their fiance is gone..." the usual.

Daniel: The usual.

Laurel: Yeah, at first I was just like, is this just like a humble brag that you're, like, the one good boyfriend on Reddit?

Daniel: No, he's talking about a little jerk, a little jerky jerky.

Laurel: Oh, he watches the porn. Yeah.

Daniel: I, like, as the- A little the, as the one cis guy here, I'm like-

Laurel: Yeah. That's what you knew.

I'm

Daniel: like, yeah.

Devin: I

Daniel: knew. He's fucking jerking off.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

it's funny that that is clearly what he's saying, is that he was jerking off, and I did not pick up on that at all the first time I read this.

Devin: Yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: Um-

Daniel: And I jerk off whenever you leave the room.

Laurel: I know.

Devin: Good.

Laurel: Uh, okay.

Daniel: Then I wait until she leaves. Well,

Laurel: Now he's doing the usual. She walks in on me, and seeing me in my state, she rings the bell.

"Yeah, figures," I said. So I do my clean mouth routine. This reading's

Devin: incredible.

Laurel: Yeah. I do my clean mouth routine, and she takes a quick shower, and we get to the show. Which I think is wild that they're doing so much prep for this.

Devin: I know a couple is so straight when they are both cleaning themselves up.

Like, there is nothing- Yeah ... straighter to me- Mm-hmm ... than a man and woman showering or cleaning themselves independently of each other and then fucking. Right? The

Nichole: fact that- Bro ... he has a clean mouth routine. I do my clean mouth routine, like we all know what that is. Yeah.

Devin: I will say, involving the oral sex here, , the pH balance can be affected by- things like gingivitis. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh, most, , imbalances that happen for women or people with holes, uh, there- Um, most, uh, um, I've, you know.

Just got... I was like for a moment- Women ... the gaping category ... that's so funny for me to do too. Hey, hey. Um.

Daniel: It's an old war wound.

Devin: Yeah.

Daniel: Please. Uh,

Devin: uh. Oh, God. and defensive, I guess, ultimately, the pH can be thrown off if you, like, ate a snack- Yeah

and have, like, food in your mouth.

Nichole: Um, but-

Devin: But- Oh. Are we gonna, are

Nichole: we- When it comes- Are we gonna say the- I think we're gonna say- Are we gonna say the same thing? We're gonna say the same thing. Oh. We're gonna say the same thing.

Same thing. So, , I'm addicted to these little mouth strips.

Devin: Wow. And- How long have you been doing that, since you were 15?

Nichole: Yeah. Every time I pull one out, a Gen X-er is

Devin: like, "Oh my God, I remember these."

Nichole: Um, but, I, you know, whatever, put one on my tongue, and then went to, uh- Yep.

Yep ... go blow my husband. Yep. And it was spicy dick town. It, it burns. It burns. It

burns. Oh

my God. Um,

Daniel: and this is not one time. This is, this is, this is- Or you'll do, like, a scope or something. This is why my position on this is, okay, keep your mouth generally clean, like brush your teeth a few times a day, but do not do a clean mouth routine before you go to perform oral sex on somebody, because peppermint-

Devin: Yes

Daniel: is my least favorite flavor of blowjob.

Devin: Um, which to me, just feels like, , both times that happened, there was a part of your brain that's like, "I'm kinda tired."

Like, like you w- you were into it. Uh-huh. You said yes. Yeah. You consented, and then part of your brain went, "No." Like the- Oh my God ...

Laurel: I planned

Devin: it. Like, the grenade part of your brain- Yeah. Oh ... was like, "Listerine, ha ha." It's

Daniel: brilliant. Is, is you sharing it in this segment the way that I find out that this was a sex bit all along?

All

Nichole: along. All along. Uh, I've- I do have a sex

Devin: bit. Which is actually just- It's destroying

Nichole: your penis ...

Devin: it- it's a k- it's a, it's a kink. You have CBT- Yeah. Yeah, I guess ... as an interest for you. Yeah.

Daniel: So, uh, go

Laurel: on. Oh, you want me to continue?

Daniel: Yes, please. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Devin: All right. So, and so he did his- Fuck, you were reading.

Laurel: Uh, we've been together long enough as to where we don't need sexual relations to be super-duper intense. So she's enjoying it, but not- Super-duper

over-exaggerating. Any- I decided I was gonna try something experimental to make her either moan loud or hate it.

Devin: I love the idea of a part of me being like, "They're either gonna love this-" Or they're gonna hate it. Yeah. Yeah. This person's a sadist.

Laurel: Yeah, they just don't know yet.

Um- Oh. All right. think a man would learn if it might fuck up a session if it's 50/50 good or bad, so I decide to blow a raspberry into her clit.

Now, I think this is so funny 'cause Daniel does this to me all the

Nichole: time. What?

Devin: What?

Daniel: I do not do this all the time.

Laurel: Okay, no, not- I think, I think- Not all the time. Like, once or twice.

Daniel: I did it once. Yeah. And, And then you told me about this, and I think I did it

Laurel: again after that. And then you did. Fair. Fair.

Nichole: Okay, but first, did he call their sex a session?

Daniel: That,

Devin: that's kinda hot. I don't ...

Laurel: Yeah, yeah. You might fuck up a session.

Nichole: A session.

Laurel: Yeah. It

Nichole: just feels like an appointment.

Laurel: Oh, it's like a jazz session.

Devin: Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I think I've just been in therapy for so long- ... that I've heard, "Well, we're at the end of our session" for 17 years.

Laurel: Yeah.

Um- Okay,

Nichole: raspberry.

Devin: Raspberry.

Laurel: Well, okay- Her

Devin: response ...

Laurel: she starts laughing. Good for her.

Devin: Great. Yes.

Laurel: Um, and then proceeds to- Appropriate response

accidentally pee into his mouth.

Devin: Accidentally.

Laurel: Accidentally

Devin: accidentally. Um, and I'm calling it right now, She squirted.

Laurel: What?

Devin: No. I'm calling it right now.

Laurel: So I read deep into the comments. Okay. That's about, like, the end of the story. and then there's all these comments that are like, "This is AI, and you're a bad person."

Um- But, but there's a bunch of people that are like- That's my

favorite insult. Uh,

but, uh, there's a bunch of people that are like, "Newsflash for you, buddy, squirt is piss."

Yeah.

And he's like, No, she squirts all the time. This was definitely, like, straight piss." was straight piss.

It was straight piss, but then every- And then there's, like, this whole, like, rabbit hole where everyone's linking to all these studies about, like- Yeah

whether or not squirt is piss or piss is

Nichole: squirt. Okay. Okay, but he probably also knows how to make his wife squirt,

Daniel: this is going to get into a-

Devin: Squirtageddon.

Daniel: Yes. We're gonna be debating this like the fucking Lindy West memoir.

Yep. Who run the world? what I wanna know-

Devin: Okay ...

Daniel: is, like, is this funny?

Laurel: Mm.

Daniel: Is this sexy?

Laurel: Mm.

Daniel: Is it both, or is it neither?

Laurel: Oh, okay.

Nichole: You're the one who's done it. What would you do?

Daniel: From my point of view, it was very funny.

Laurel: I also thought it was funny.

Devin: Okay.

Nichole: You two would think it's funny.

Devin: Yeah.

Laurel: We would. '

Nichole: Cause it would happen to you.

Devin: Um, I think, so, okay, I have t- there's two Trails of thought of this. One for me, yes funny, yes sexy. One of them, not funny, still sexy. Um, and, and that caveat- Yeah. That caveat goes to Do you know frog kiss? No. It's the same concept except you put your mouth over someone's nose and you raspberry their nose, I will tell you this. If you do this to another person, there's no turning back. It's one of the most dark thing- Like it is the darkest thing I have ever done to another human more than once.

Um- It is, you can't take it back. I've never done that to someone and they've been okay about it. Even if they consented, even if they were like, "Do it to me," never have they, like, been proud that they made that choice. so there is an aspect of it that is, like, quite silly, quite sexy.

Um, there's also a thing about it to me that is, like, deeply degrading- ... um, which falls into my not funny, still sexy. Um- Hmm. Um,

Daniel: So-

speaking of, uh, sex myths perpetrated on me- Yes

by Laurel, , I do have one to confront-

Devin: Oh ...

Daniel: her with. Oh. Which she did recently.

After riding me to completion.

She made a lasso gesture- Yeah ... and yelled, " Incredible. That's, that's good. And then, and then w- That's great ... and, and then, uh, uh, on the tail end of motherfucker, did you come?

Devin: 'Cause that would be the impressive part. That w- that

Laurel: would be very impressive.

Devin: Like, the yippee ki-yay was you celebrating. Celebrating. And then the motherfucker- Motherfucker.

Laurel: Was the come down for you. W-

Devin: if your sex does something to your nervous system where, like, emotionally you feel yippee ki-yay, motherfucker, that's kind of fun. Like, that's high stakes. Yeah. Yeah. Your nervous system is fucking in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is some present, uh, mind and body-

for that to come out of your mouth. Die Hard

Daniel: sex is always high stakes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: You're welcome.

Devin: Yeah. Oh, thank

Nichole: you. Uh, yeah. Truly, Laurel, I really like that. Yes. Yeah. We got one. I'm like, I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's got all the things that I like. It's got, um, on top. Yeah. Love being on top. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It has a cultural reference.

Yeah. Yeah. Something that is more than 20 years old. Yeah.

Devin: Yeah. I find yippee ki-yay, motherfucker both sexy- And funny.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Right. So I think it hits both.

Devin: I would be shocked if you didn't think it was either of those things. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe at the time, 'cause, like, that kinda does take the, like, thunder out from you-

a little bit- I- ... if you just came.

Nichole: Oh, he's- Yeah ... he's-

Daniel: He's fine.

Nichole: He's fine.

Daniel: He has no feelings.

Devin: After you come- After you come- No ... a little degradation is fine.

Nichole: You're just in this blissed out place. Yeah. You know? And like-

Devin: Yeah. That is the best time to insult someone, probably. I- Like, a little.

Nichole: I don't think it was an insult, though.

I think it was- No ...

Devin: a celebration. But, yeah. Yeah. And

Daniel: honestly- Yeah ... if you can't take a joke right after you've come, when can you take a joke?

Laurel: Yeah, is that when you're most susceptible?

Devin: You know about the, like, the when you fuck someone and then you say, "I love you" while coming.

Oh, yes. Like, that never, that I love you, not planned. I've never- ... never once said an I love you during sex that I had prior- Planned, yes ... thought about. Yeah. I'm gonna say I love you during sex today. Yeah. Like, that's, I've never done that. But I have said it during sex- Yeah ... several times. Yeah. for the first time.

Yep. , And I, every time that's happened, I've had a part of my brain go, "Huh." Don't love that. Don't love that whatever happens to me when I come, my brain goes, " Yeah, this is safe." I would-

Nichole: Yeah. If that ever happened to me-

Devin: Yeah ...

Nichole: I would never have sex with anybody ever again. Yeah. Because I would be so afraid- Yeah

of, like, that pop... It, I, I am so, I'm so-

Devin: It's why I got sober. I had to quit... If you wanna know one of the factors of, like, uh, the, Devyn, does that happen to you still? Less now. Yeah, yeah. Less now. Okay. When alcohol wasn't- Now, yes ... like, uh- Yes ... that is not something that happens every time I come, to be clear.

Okay. Yeah. But, like, for a while, there was, like, a solid five to six years where, like, for sure, if I started to have feelings for someone and they made me come, oop, oops. Ooh. Is

Daniel: that, back in those- Yeah ... that era, you were actually thinking about your last tequila shot when you said it? Um-

Devin: Yeah ... I-

Daniel: I would recommend- Yeah

trying to program yourself for yippie ki-yay, motherfucker as a- Ooh, yeah ... as a stand-in. As an alternative.

Devin: As a stand-in.

Daniel: Yeah.

Devin: I'm someone that- Yeah ... gives out I love you pretty, uh, historically, pretty early. Yeah. I, like- Yeah. I just get it. Oh, God. I'm, like, someone that, like, , I treat it like I'm getting it out of the way. the, like, last long-term relationship I had, I think a month in was like...

Nichole: It was this guy- Yeah ... a month in.

Devin: Yeah.

Nichole: During sex, he told me he loved me. It was the first time.

Laurel: That's a classic.

Nichole: Classic Daniel. I waited- Yeah ... four months in Maybe? Yeah And said it right after we brushed our teeth, and then I left. Um, 'cause, 'cause- 'Cause you

Daniel: didn't wanna g- you didn't wanna give me a blow job with that mouth.

Nichole: I was like, "Then what's the point of me being here?" Um,

Devin: That's one of the more Capricorn-coded things that you've said.