Laurel: I have a lot to share. Most of it is polyamory related.

Daniel: Uh-huh.

Laurel: But I wanna start with something else. Okay. This is a story about how stupid Daniel thinks I am.

Daniel: Oh,

Nichole: I can't wait for this. Oh, I can't wait for this because that was one of our early fights.

Daniel: Oh.

Nichole: Me proclaiming I'm not an idiot.

Jingle: We like to talk shit. That's how we get our buzz. And the buzz is so much better when it's shit Daniel does.

Daniel: You proclaim that you are not an idiot many, many times. This is a thing that you are fearful that I consider you an idiot when, really, I just imagine everybody to be exactly as smart as me, which is incredibly stupid.

Laurel: Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. So are you familiar with the campaign for the state of Jefferson? No. Okay. So there there has been Daniel knows now. There has been this running campaign to establish state of Jefferson, which includes counties, like rural counties of Northern California and Southern Oregon.

Nichole: Mhmm. Okay.

Laurel: And this got brought up last night. I forget why. And I mentioned to Daniel, oh, yeah. Like, I used to when I was driving between California and Oregon, I used to, like, drive by that building all the time. And then I like, what are you talking about? I was like, there's this building that just had Jefferson painted on it, like, really big.

Nichole: Like the guy?

Laurel: Yeah. Like the Word. The word. The word Jefferson.

Daniel: You didn't include the part where you were driving from California to

Laurel: I did, and I don't think you heard it.

Daniel: Okay. It was like, I wanna drum.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So Daniel didn't hear that part. And he just heard like, oh, I drive by that building all the time.

Daniel: That has Jefferson on it.

Laurel: And Daniel, in all sincerity and seriousness goes, the high school? He legitimately thought that maybe I thought Jefferson High School was a building dedicated to this, like, sort of right wing libertarian design to get the state of Jefferson recognized.

Daniel: I was thinking of something different.

Laurel: Oh, what were you

Wynde: thinking of?

Nichole: You think Cascadia?

Daniel: Cascadia.

Nichole: Totally different. Totally different.

Daniel: Yeah. Well, it's also a secessionist Pacific Northwest involving, like, state that involves Northern California, Oregon, and Washington. Yeah. State of Cascadia.

Laurel: Was that ever actually, like, a petition movement?

Daniel: There is Cascadia High School, which you may have confused it for.

Laurel: Daniel. Alright. Do you want my Poly stuff now?

Daniel: We're here to catch all of your pitches.

Laurel: The Wellbutrin is working.

Daniel: Yay. Yay.

Nichole: But first, welcome to PolyAmateur Hour.

Daniel: Oh, yeah. I'm Daniel. And

Laurel: I'm Laurel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole.

Laurel: So mostly, I think this is cute.

Nichole: I think

Laurel: it's cute. So I've been I've been seeing this new guy. Right?

Daniel: Mhmm.

Laurel: Name is Eric. I have permission to say that out loud.

Daniel: He he may regret saying that this is okay.

Laurel: He will instantly regret it. He's not actually listened to this.

Daniel: Especially when we have, like, an associated sound effect or drop every time his name is mentioned.

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: So the other day, he was, like, kind of stressed out. Mhmm. And I asked, oh, what do you need? Like, what do you do when you're stressed out or whatever? Mhmm. And he responded and he said, cleaning is a big one. Like, when he's stressed out, he he likes to clean, helps him like feel a sense of like control over his space, etcetera.

Wynde: Yes. Yes.

Laurel: And I responded, sometimes I really think I should introduce you to Nicole. But then I'm not sure if it's just like the two superficial of things.

Nichole: What is superficial about cleaning a surface?

Laurel: See, I would well, I

Daniel: mean Nicole goes beyond surface cleaning. It's not her style of cleaning is deep as you might say.

Laurel: And and then I was also like, I'd be a little bit worried about it because, like, you have a strong dead to me list. And if, like and if he he wasn't to your liking, I would be very worried about it. No. No. But like, the other things were like, he's sober. He's in that program you talk about Uh-huh. Often.

Clip: The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

Laurel: How have we not met? I was also surprised.

Daniel: We're gonna find out that you have been sleeping together.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. This is the cute part of it. And then he was like, wait, to be clear, were you like thinking about like setting me up on a date with Nicole? And I was like, yes. And I'm gonna play the message he sent back. Also, I need to add the context that, like, he is non monogamous, but not specifically polyamorous. It's one of the like, post divorce, I'm just like figuring shit out kind of things.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Which is fine. And this is the response that I got back to that.

Eric: Wow. You Poly people are amazing. You you are looking to set me up. You're considering setting me up on a date with the wife of your husband. Oh my god. It's just it's amazing. It's amazing. What a world. Man, I have things to say.

Laurel: We're And yet, I cut off the rest of the message.

Daniel: Oh, because after that, it was like, but I never wanna see you again.

Laurel: And that's the end of that relationship.

Daniel: We'll lose this number.

Nichole: Laurel. I don't know if it makes me sad or if I'm like, wow, my brand must be really strong. For you to say, I'm afraid he won't be to your liking.

Laurel: Open your mouth a little while and always say,

Daniel: yes, your majesty.

Laurel: That makes me feel like I'm just saying you're a woman of particular taste.

Daniel: Yes. It's not like she's going to literally execute him.

Wynde: I don't know. Queen.

Laurel: No. I don't believe that.

Wynde: I I

Nichole: trust

Laurel: That I brought.

Nichole: Lillian. I'm not dating her.

Daniel: Sean. Sean.

Laurel: Okay.

Nichole: One. Harry Nevada for a while. Yeah.

Daniel: For a while.

Laurel: For yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's not a bad person.

Daniel: He's still in my life.

Laurel: Do you still talk to him? Mhmm. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. That other person that you dated that, you know, they and I watched movies together for a while. That was good. Yeah. I liked that for a while.

Daniel: Yeah. Well, you're somebody who you can do your other favorite thing with cleaning. You had a movie buddy for a while. Now you have the the cleaning buddy. What?

Nichole: Why would I subject somebody to that? Okay. I have a really great idea for a hot date. How about we load up the podcasts? We get on our separate phones with our separate headphones, and we clean my house separately in different rooms doing different things. You dust all vacuum.

Laurel: I think this sounds better than you think it does, actually. I mean,

Daniel: I've been kind of flattered that you wanna do that with me all the time.

Nichole: Aw. Really? Mhmm. Aw. Yeah.

Daniel: It's a chance, you know, to ignore you in my own in our own home.

Nichole: I like being alone with other people.

Laurel: Yeah. Me too.

Nichole: Is he Jewish?

Laurel: He is.

Nichole: Of course, he is. I really do think the Jewish population in Portland is somewhat small.

Daniel: Don't take my size as representative of the Since apparently another task I have is babysitting a small grown man. I am average sized.

Nichole: We have a segment?

Daniel: First of all, I'd like to taste I'd like to taste this opportunity One thing that we've always wanted from our Stuberts is unicorn hunter profiles for unicorn hunter hunters. This is a little like self serving because it is getting increasingly difficult for me to find the really awful ones.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: But we can now look to a much larger pool. We know that you see some awful, insane unicorn hunter profiles out there in your adventures and sluttery. Next time you come across one, take a screenshot and send it to us.

Nichole: Yeah. You could send it to us on our website anonymously at polyamateur hour dot com. Just click the contact page in our menu, or you can email us at polyamateurhour@gmail.com. Just please please please send it because, you know, Laurel and I try, But

Laurel: But not that hard.

Nichole: I just get like, I wanna throw my phone into the ocean every forty five minutes. So it's like It

Daniel: is more quickly brain rotting than watching reality TV. Yeah. Combing, like, swinger lifestyle. Yeah.

Nichole: That's really selling it to the Stuberts.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Well, they're already on

Laurel: for not having enough suicidal ideation? We have the thing for you.

Nichole: We appreciate it though. Thank you.

Speaker 7: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And please, please, please.

Daniel: What else do we have?

Laurel: A sex bit.

Speaker 7: Did you wanna do your own? A sex bit. Oh, baby, you're about to come. That's when I whisper in your ear, daddy, how's your mom? Or when you blindfold it, I say open up your lips and you get a dill pickle on

Laurel: the high sour bitch. We call

Speaker 7: them sex bits. We gotta grow in this. Our trick is to stop just short of when you're pissed. Don't like my sex bits? Keep your mitts off my tits. If you can't laugh at your dick, you don't know what you're gonna miss.

Nichole: Did he say no? No. I don't wanna meet Nicole.

Laurel: No. Oh, okay. He said Nicole is hot.

Nichole: How does he know?

Laurel: Because I sent him STLV pics.

Nichole: This is setting him up for

Laurel: No. It's not.

Wynde: No. It's not.

Laurel: Failure. Shut your fucking face.

Nichole: Do I have to show up with any kind of No. Adornment on my forehead?

Laurel: No. Just make sure your tits are

Daniel: out.

Nichole: They are they

Daniel: are out. They

Nichole: can't help it.

Daniel: She tries to fight them back in.

Nichole: Yeah. They're like kittens trying to break

Speaker 7: out of my

Laurel: Kitten titties. Yeah.

Daniel: Be careful They'll scratch you.

Nichole: You a witch.

Wynde: That was very that was

Laurel: very miss Kitka coded, really.

Clip: Out of it go,

Wynde: Catwoman. Perfectly.

Daniel: So me and Laurel did, like, an almost simultaneous sex bit without discussing it at all that we thought encapsulates just how fucking weird we are in bed.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: By the way, sex bits is the segment where we discuss the bits that we do during sex. You know, like fun time, jokey honk honks.

Nichole: That Daniel and Laurel do. Maybe someday if somebody passes my

Laurel: if I don't bequeath them dead. I I like queen Nicole. I enjoy this. She sounds a little

Nichole: Alexis. Alexis, turtles do not pet snake.

Daniel: I realized that in order to really capture this, we're gonna have to, like, do it on mic.

Nichole: Can I leave?

Laurel: Not sex.

Daniel: It's not sex.

Nichole: Oh, okay. Yeah.

Daniel: Can I leave? Alright. And you want me to come to you?

Nichole: Should I describe it like a sports commentator?

Daniel: Yeah. That's that's the answer.

Nichole: Okay. Okay. Daniel goes to kiss Laurel. You both have your mouth open.

Laurel: You both go for each other with your mouth open, and then you make sounds with your tongues inside each other's mouths.

Nichole: And I am sad that I witnessed that. And I am grateful that we don't have a video feed so that our stuports did not have to witness that.

Daniel: Wait for the flood of letters to come in.

Laurel: You know what? And it's one of those things have you ever done that, like

Daniel: I don't

Laurel: know if it's like an improv exercise or whatever. But, like, where you have a partner and you stand in front of them, and both of you can only move when the other person moves?

Nichole: Yeah. Like the mirroring actually.

Laurel: Yeah. Mirroring thing, but nobody is instructed to move first.

Daniel: Yeah. It's like that, but with tongues.

Laurel: And noise. The noise is important.

Daniel: It's what gets me up.

Laurel: Yeah. I do have a sex bit that might entice Nicole further into having a date with Eric.

Wynde: Oh my god.

Laurel: So a week ago or so, I don't know time, we had a ongoing argument about crows.

Nichole: Let the crowding commence.

Laurel: It started because he sent me a text message that was like like, you know, I would be fine if crows didn't exist.

Nichole: Next.

Laurel: Okay. And so and I responded with this is the this is the first red flag that you've offered me.

Daniel: How does he feel about bats, the crows of the caves?

Laurel: Well, like, as as we kind of, like, parsed this out, it came down to being a noise complaint.

Nichole: Please, everyone, stay calm. Whatever you do, do not look them in in the eye. You're making them angrier. I'm not Alexis.

Laurel: I know a bit of their language. I'm gonna paraphrase here, and probably there will be complaints about how I make his argument. But that because crows relocated to urban areas, they are subject to the laws and rules of those urban areas.

Nichole: Okay. They weren't wild crows. They were supposed to be trained. Trained. Some of them were painted seagulls. This is not good, Alexis.

Laurel: So they need to comply with noise ordinances.

Daniel: Now did you make his take sound stupider than it actually is?

Laurel: At some point, I think he had mentioned something about, you know, like, breeding them to be quieter, and I called them a birdie genesis.

Nichole: Thank you.

Laurel: So, I don't know, a few days later, we are having sex. It's like a particularly, like, long, intense, kinky, sexual encounter. He's doing there's some, like, typical sort of, like, dummy subby, like, call and response happening. Like, you know, like, oh, yeah. Like, you like my cock kind of thing. And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Cock. Oh my god. It's his cock. So we're doing a few of these call and response things. And then he goes, and fuck those crows.

Wynde: Oh my god.

Daniel: Okay. It it's pretty good.

Nichole: It's pretty good. That's pretty good.

Daniel: That's a pretty good one. And I think that, you know, a good sex bit

Laurel: A good sex bit goes a long way.

Daniel: Do you want to hear my punch up?

Wynde: Okay. Oh my god.

Daniel: I I you she told me this story once before.

Laurel: Mhmm.

Daniel: And I actually what I thought was going to happen Mhmm. Is that, okay. Yeah. Really intense sex. There's the kind of dummy subby exchange. And just when he's getting to the climax, he goes, cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Laurel: That would have been a good response on my behalf. That's very good. Because I am arguing in favor of crows making all the noise that they want.

Daniel: Yeah. And that's the only protest that crows know how to do.

Nichole: Yeah. Up punched. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. Power bottom crow.

Laurel: Next time. Eric, next time.

Daniel: On our kill that day comes, we must remember that crows don't just have eyes. We also have wings. Cut. Cut. So we have a really special guest today on the podcast.

Laurel: You. We sure do.

Daniel: The beloved and ingenious, Wynde Priddy.

Nichole: Wynde. Wynde.

Daniel: The producer who made me baseline competent.

Nichole: Yeah. Mhmm.

Daniel: Wynde is the producer of The Greatest Generation and Greatest Trek.

Laurel: Yeah. Mhmm.

Daniel: Two podcasts that deeply influenced us. Mhmm. We met up with her as we have been hinting around at at Star Trek Las Vegas, where we did our little recording binge in a Rio hotel room as is tradition. And the fruits of her labors await. Roll take.

Wynde: She's definitely have a ball pit.

Nichole: Yes. We have had ball pit parties at laurels.

Laurel: This is true. Yeah.

Wynde: Ball

Laurel: pit. I have the materials. Yes. I have the pit and the balls.

Daniel: It's not a very big ball pit. It's kind of like a one person ball pit.

Laurel: It's a two people ball pit.

Daniel: Yes. If you're

Laurel: Or a five toddler ball pit.

Daniel: I like toddler as a unit of measurement. Do you

Wynde: think we can get five binars in there? Yes.

Clip: I thought there were only gonna be two of you. Because of the limited time allotted us, we need others.

Daniel: Listeners, we have been talking about what we're gonna do for our cosplay for Star Trek Las Vegas next year. By the way, we are recording from Star Trek Las Vegas right now in the fabulous ly decrepit Rio Hotel. And we've been talking about perhaps doing a Binar thing because we're all cute and small.

Laurel: Do you wanna say who we're recording with?

Daniel: We are recording with the great Wynde Priddy.

Nichole: Hello. Hello. What

Eric: is that high pitched sound you make?

Clip: That is our primary language.

Nichole: Incorporate that into your pole act somehow. Yeah. A Binar pole act. Aw. They just all climb up the pole

Wynde: and then climb back down again. Would that be a steer wheel Binar?

Nichole: Yes. Yeah.

Laurel: Can we do a whole Binar Circus? Binar Circus. I'm down. I'm in the traveling Binar.

Nichole: Yeah. We'll

Laurel: start the booking. I'll look at venues across the nation.

Nichole: We'll perfect.

Daniel: Let's see.

Speaker 7: The audience

Wynde: is gonna so niche. She

Daniel: says on the comedy polyamory Star Trek Jewish podcast.

Wynde: I know.

Daniel: So Wynde today is gonna be playing against type. Because usually Star Trek related job.

Wynde: I'm more than just Star Trek, Daniel.

Daniel: So much more.

Laurel: Wynde is a multifaceted complex human being.

Clip: I'm lieutenant Tupac.

Daniel: And I'm Helix. So we're going to do one of our classic, more heartfelt segments. Ask the Amateurs. If you got questions, don't demure. It's time to ask the amateurs.

Nichole: Okay. So our question today. How do you help someone figure out where the line is between healthy privacy and harmful secrecy, especially with family members who you know won't approve and might see it as a mark against your faith? I'm writing a memoir and one of the main things is about bringing out the secrets of not just my own, but also my ancestors. I am actually a fifth generation slut.

Wynde: Hell yeah.

Nichole: Which I think is amazing and something to celebrate instead of hiding. Agree. And I plan to share the details of my ancestors slutty ways too. But while my brother and my daughter and my mother know that I'm poly and pansexual, Other family aunts and cousins have no idea, and I know they will judge me if they find out. So how do you navigate being open with conservative family members?

Wynde: Interesting.

Daniel: Now, Wynde, we know that you come from a cult.

Wynde: Truly.

Daniel: Cult Christianity, I believe. Yeah. Yes.

Wynde: Southern Baptist flavored.

Daniel: Yeah. So would you like to kick things off and disclose some trauma?

Wynde: Yeah. Well, the first thing I think it's always relevant to say, I think if you're raised in an ideology that intense and kind of all encompassing as a child, It can be something that stays with you through your whole life, and you work through it in stages. Like, the process of deconversion, the process of clearing your mind of all that programming is is like that's the battle. That's like a lifelong process. And I think, like, for me, it's been multiple stages of figuring out what to disassemble in my own brain and how to, I guess, not really carry shame or, you know, guilt. That type of guilt because when you're raised in religion, you feel guilty for failing to be what the religion asks you to be at every, you know, point along the way. So I think even when you deconvert, you still kinda carry all that stuff with you. Like, you still feel guilt and you feel like other people's projection of guilt on you even if you're working on not feeling it yourself anymore. So I think worth acknowledging that it's like, you don't just deconvert and it's done. It's almost like the people that you care about in this question, the other people who you are worried about, It's a lot more important, I think, that you deal with how you feel about it and deconstruct the things in your own mind that are telling you the story, maybe even before you start talking to family about things. There's some internal work too that should I be

Daniel: wonder if they're already feeling the shame right now, the stupor, maybe to a greater degree than they might if they disclose it. Right. Because, you know, okay, your aunts and your uncles and your extended family, maybe they're gonna judge you. Maybe they're gonna say things to you that are hurtful, but you are already providing that dialogue. You're already reading the other half of that dialogue mentally to yourself.

Wynde: That's the programming.

Speaker 7: Yeah.

Daniel: So it's just a question of, okay, do you want to live openly and receive that shame from other people whom you can kind of actually try and disassociate, disassociate as in disassociate, but you disassociate.

Wynde: You can ignore it.

Daniel: You can ignore it. Yeah. Or do you want to just have that speech running all the time internally?

Wynde: With only yourself running both sides of it.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah.

Wynde: That's so real. I feel that a lot. Yeah. And that's the thing I'm saying, like, rid of that in your own mind and then decide what you wanna do from there. You know? But I think in terms of coming out, like one thing I've noticed is it's a little bit like kids, you know, how they say like talk to them about things in age appropriate ways. Mhmm. I feel like it's the same with polyamory. You wanna talk to people about it at the level of understanding that they're at with it.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Which

Daniel: So are you saying like a couch it in a biblical context? You know, King Solomon, man.

Wynde: Yeah. And also, I guess along with that, like be prepared to be misunderstood about Yes.

Laurel: I think the purpose of love is to set people free. But I think a component of that is one loving yourself in a way that sets you free. And also is like loving the people in your periphery in a way that can set them free. And I was like very abstract. But like, what I mean more specifically is that I wanna be so confident in the way that I love myself, that I can be myself and be open and know that that is my freedom. But also giving the people around me the freedom to, they can judge. They can do whatever they want. Mhmm. And I don't need to change them. I don't need to combat them. And, you know, on some level like, yeah, maybe it's kind of shitty, but like they're free to wrestle with that on their own. Mhmm. And yeah, just like you're saying, Wynde too is like, and you Daniel, that you get so much energy back because you're not having the arguments with yourself.

Wynde: And

Laurel: of course, there's like caveats where it's like, if you think it is, it's going to be dangerous to be out in some capacity, or it's gonna like risk your job or whatever. You know, if there's some like material danger to you in some capacity, then yeah, take care of yourself. Like that's important. But if it really is just your judgy relatives, like, take the time to free yourself.

Nichole: Yeah. I think that there's a lot of acceptance work that needs to happen with a process like this and in the coming out process. Right? Like, I think there there's also detaching with love. So the concept of just like you do let people have their own journeys. And I think when it comes to family members specifically because we don't choose them, they are in our lives. And when we're adults, we carry the entirety of that relationship with us because we typically grew up with those people, right? And so there is a little bit of a metamorphosis because the relationship will change. And so there's some acceptance around like, okay, this relationship is going to change. And I can still love that person and accept that maybe they're going to do what they're going to do.

Daniel: Right.

Nichole: Right. And yeah, I think that like I I did have some fear around family members judging me or just, you know, I gotta be totally honest. I don't even really remember what I was afraid of. Yeah. Because I feel like the freedom that I have now has just multiplied my ability to love and really actually commit to relationships in a way that feeds myself and that other person and builds my life into something that's actually really beautiful and tangible and that I did not have before. And there was one other smart thing that I was gonna say.

Laurel: Find it again.

Daniel: I'll just do a just do a Shakespeare quote.

Nichole: Sure. Swear not by the moon. Well,

Wynde: one of the practical things I mean, I'm not I'm not the type to really lie or obscure the truth, but I also don't like offer a lot of information. So what I try to do is like wait until I'm asked and then just be honest in that particular specific context. Like, how is partner doing? Oh, doing good. You know? And then talk about the whole thing. You know? Mhmm. But like, I'm not out there preaching. That's for sure. Well, I'm on your podcast.

Daniel: I'm not

Wynde: sending this to fan you know, conservative family members. And the thing about conservative family members, I know this from being a black sheep my whole life almost, is that they kinda don't ask what they don't want to know. Yeah. So if they're not asking you, I mean, my my approach has not been to go put it in their face, you know, because I also don't want them coming to me and putting religious ideas into my face. So it's it's almost like a mutual respect. Like, we just don't cover certain topics. And I think that's okay. And that's like, you know, if they want to know, they will ask or they will ask someone else in the family who knows. Yes. Yep. So, yeah, I don't feel like I have to confront it.

Nichole: But I do think there's the added layer here of the memoir. Oh, right. So incredible, incredible project is like talking about the sluttiness of your of your ancestors. Great. Love it.

Daniel: It's very Beverly Crusher.

Laurel: I did fall asleep particularly erotic chapter in my grandmother's journal.

Nichole: Oh my god.

Wynde: Sexy journal entries.

Daniel: This looks good. Oh, man.

Laurel: I was almost gonna call it

Wynde: a dick candle. It's a sex candle.

Daniel: Yeah. I don't think that she actually I think it's for external use.

Wynde: It summons the dick. So

Nichole: when it comes to doing this research and and, you know, if you're going through this writing process and you do have things to share that your family might learn from this medium and not directly from you. I understand that that does add an added layer of complexity. When I wasn't out to my dad, I didn't tell anybody about this podcast even though I was like so proud of it. I did have the fear that they would just come across it. Right? There was some paranoia there. Right? This if it's about your family, your family is going to be curious about it. And so then there's the added pressure of like, do you come up before or do you come out after?

Daniel: I just want to complicate this a little bit more. You really don't know for sure what your conservative relatives sex lives have been like. Just because somebody is conservative does not mean that they have not dabbled in non monogamy. Swingerdom is a suburban conservative tradition for the most part. And a lot of people are closeted and queer. Like if sluttiness really runs in your family. Yes. They all have the same slutty genes as you do. And you might just find out, they might hear about this and be like, ah, finally, I can come out as a furry.

Laurel: Honestly, I think the opposite is more likely to happen. If they are so deeply closeted, they will be resentful of like this expose, like shining a light on it. But maybe there is like a young cousin out there or something that is like, oh, thank God.

Wynde: Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

Daniel: Stupid, think of the young cousin.

Laurel: Think of your

Daniel: young cousin. Think of the cousins.

Wynde: Think of the cousins. Won't anyone?

Laurel: Right. Anyone think of the young cousin. But also like, if they are upset about it, they're probably not gonna wanna talk about it.

Wynde: Mhmm. Yeah. I'm just like putting myself in the position of the stupid here. If I wrote a book about my family that was expressly in this vein, my most conservative family members literally just would not read it. Yeah. Like, oh, this is salacious trash. Uh-huh. Yeah. You know, because they can't even like expose themselves to ideas. But also I was thinking like this stupider is probably not writing like, they're not casting a a bad light on their family history. Right? They're celebrating their

Laurel: Right. Yeah.

Wynde: Like putting positive stories and yeah. Like, how can that be bad? You know? Like, write something you're proud of. Tell your family story. And if conservative family members don't like it, fuck them.

Laurel: Fuck.

Wynde: Yeah. And I think the book will be an exercise in that. So you're not writing the book for your conservative family members. You're you're writing it for yourself. To understand where you come from and why you are the way that you are. And Yeah. That's gonna be a journey of self discovery. And that's a beautiful thing. That's what polyamory helps people do. Right? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Laurel: Your comment, Wynde, about like, you know, neither being dishonest nor proselytizing the polyamory thing. Something that's worked for me particularly well is always just acting like I'm normal.

Wynde: Yeah.

Laurel: And in this Stuart situation, if someone's like, oh, what are you doing? What are you excited about right now? And you're excited about writing this book. You can just be like, oh, I'm writing a book. I'm really excited about it. If they ask, just tell them. And to your point, Wynde, they will either stop asking.

Wynde: Yep.

Laurel: Or they will be curious about it. And there might be like an uncomfortable moment where they are like, oh, followed by something somewhat judgmental. It's about them.

Wynde: It's not about you.

Nichole: Yes. It's their

Wynde: Absolutely. And Carrie.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yes.

Laurel: It is totally their insecurity. It is totally their oppression, like

Wynde: Misunderstandings of everything. Yes.

Laurel: Totally.

Wynde: Their programming. We're

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. And you can just let them hold that. Yep. And even if you need to take a minute where you're like, okay, that was a little scary. And then just move on. Yeah. And then just go back to having the same old conversations

Wynde: You you help them filter themselves in or out of Yeah. Your joy or your Totally. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Every young cousin, there is an uncomfortable uncle.

Wynde: Our tradition's all about giving in old time wisdom down to me. And in our family, means we

Daniel: give it up free. Give it up free, we always give it up free.

Wynde: Every family's got the gift, that's how each family's made. We make the bed then make some love, that's how our plans were laid. And so I'll step out dancing like Mary Tom and Lee. And family's also raised to

Laurel: Speaking of Uncomfortable Uncles, this is all time greatest segue.

Wynde: Where we going?

Daniel: I feel like Uncomfortable Uncles are some of the main actors in the realm of unicorn hunting. And that's it.

Wynde: It's like when you're in a car and you have to grab the thing up at the You know?

Laurel: Hold on. Hold on.

Wynde: They know their best.

Daniel: Or in the case of Laurel, when you're on the party bus, you have to mount the stripper pole.

Wynde: Put your legs around another FOD.

Daniel: Yeah. Hold

Laurel: on. Yeah. I'm like, I'm sorry, Jake. I'm sorry.

Daniel: For those of you who don't know, go back and look around our social media, and you'll see incredibly incriminating photographic evidence of Laurel being very dangerous in a moving vehicle. Yes. So what are you gonna say? You wanna dabble in a bit of a unicorn hunter hunters? Unicorn hunter hunters. Do you wanna be there prey?

Wynde: Let's do it.

Daniel: I was looking around for the Las Vegas Unicorn Hunters last night. And I really couldn't find like one profile that like was everything that we kind of look for in a unicorn hunting profile.

Wynde: They were well behaved.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Surprisingly well behaved.

Daniel: Yeah. On field, once I got into swinger lifestyle

Wynde: Everything changed. Everything changed.

Daniel: There's like a sepia tone to everything. Like, meeting is different. But I found a few profiles that maybe I can pull out the relevant sections. Okay. And we could make this a unicorn hunter hunters scattershot. Hunters all around us trying to pound us and grind our unicorn horns into brown dust. We look for crooked love, but we've only found lust. This town sucks like a clown bucks. Good for the yucks. We turn around and hunt back. Make them run back to the experts. We're the sex nerds about the flex words. We're the unicorns we got next. Face the chatter box. The hunter is the hunted. You double h scattershot. Oh.

Nichole: I love it.

Laurel: Okay. Remind us the, like, rules and regulations of scattershot.

Daniel: Okay. Regular unicorn hunter hunters, we rate one profile on three categories, arbitrary rules,

Nichole: self aggrandizement,

Daniel: and would we unicorn for them? But with scattershot, that's too much rating, too much work for us. Nicole is the only one with the organizational focus actually pull that off. So instead, we simply rate three different profiles on worst to best. And by worst, we mean actually like terrible. Best meaning the least offensive to our sensibilities.

Wynde: Most likely to unicorn form.

Laurel: Yes. And

Daniel: then theoretically, as a thought experiment,

Wynde: are obligated to unicorn for them. Can I just bring up our little sidebar from last night though, because we decided that instead of centaurs for male unicorns, it should be manatees? So we're just gonna rename that whole thing and there you go.

Daniel: Isn't there also a mythological being called a manticore?

Laurel: Oh. Yeah. There is a manticore.

Wynde: Isn't that in the last unicorn cartoon?

Daniel: This here is the manticore. Man's head, lion's body, tail of a scorpion. I know it was in the advanced Dungeons and Dragons handbook.

Wynde: We're a lot of places there.

Laurel: The one problem with the manatee is that they are real creatures.

Wynde: Yeah. The centaur is mythological. I think manatees are people with manatees is that

Laurel: they're real.

Wynde: It's not a bestiality thing. Okay. I get I get you mean. Just that sentence out of context.

Daniel: This is why Laurel is working on eradicating manateurs.

Wynde: But she's very true. A boat in Florida.

Laurel: Just saying.

Nichole: Just saying if there were fewer of them, we could make them mythological.

Daniel: We're gonna start today with a little profile that is called ready for fun Las Vegas.

Wynde: Yeah, sounds accurate.

Daniel: They are looking for real clean drama free couples to enjoy lifestyle with. We are retired and open days. That's kind of nice. Like that's one point in their favor, right? Is that we could hook up with them in the daytime.

Laurel: Yeah, want a little afternoon delight.

Daniel: We would like to meet couples and women for friendship and play dates. We enjoy meeting exciting people who share our vision and passion for sexual pleasures in swinging lifestyle and are not afraid to give and get pleasure also need to be secure in their relationship and come with no drama or flakiness.

Wynde: Was that all one sentence? Yes.

Laurel: Wow.

Daniel: We are here on this site to meet, connect, have fun and enjoy each other's sexual desires and be open to great sex with other partner. This is a great lifestyle, so let's not waste each other's time, but be to the point and open up to each other as we are all adults and looking for the same pleasures.

Laurel: So much pleasure and sex.

Clip: I like having sex with chicks. Yeah. Yeah. I think everybody does, Frito. Not like I do.

Daniel: I thought of making this a drinking game where we do shots every time they say sex, sexual, or sexuality. Yeah. But sexuality is too long for word, honestly. But because Nicole is sober, she'd have to take shots of coffee. Yeah. Give me more sex.

Nichole: That's me on coffee.

Daniel: We are happily married couple with strong sexual drive, love sex and enjoy sharing our desires with other couples who are looking for the same. We are clean, always shaven, and come with absolutely no drama or jealousy. Easy going, respectful of others, non pushy, go with the flow type of couple, true to our words, and don't leave anyone hanging dry if we make a date. Been in lifestyle for eight years, so you know we are real as we enjoy the company of other real swingers in the lifestyle.

Wynde: How many achievements do they have? Or what was it called? Oh, yeah. They're certifications. Certifications.

Daniel: They have 14 certifications. Wow. Because they never leave anyone hanging dry.

Wynde: They never do.

Daniel: They will fuck you.

Wynde: Yeah. They enjoy sex and sexual pleasure and sharing their sexual pleasure.

Laurel: We need to explain

Wynde: their sexuality.

Laurel: Need to explain those stupors that we just realized that on swinger lifestyle, there's a little part like at the top of the bio that says certifications. And what this is is actually testimonials from their hookups.

Wynde: Yeah. That's what it is. That's what

Nichole: it is.

Daniel: I wanna know though. Can you leave a negative review?

Wynde: I don't think you can.

Laurel: Don't think Yeah. I don't think you can.

Daniel: I'm not participating then. Okay.

Laurel: Sexy, sex, pleasure, clean, shaven, no drama, never jealous.

Daniel: Wife is bi and loves giving and receiving when with a woman. She enjoys man and woman equally loves oral giving and receiving. She has amazing boobs with mouthwatering nipples. We are very active sexually and want to share our bodies with other couples so that they can enjoy our company and we enjoy theirs. Husband is Italian and straight.

Laurel: Wait, is this a new profile? No. This is the same profile.

Daniel: This is the same profile.

Laurel: Same sexy sex profile.

Daniel: Sex. He has a hard, hot Italian cock that I have been enjoying for over thirty three years. Wow. And would love to share it with other women so they can enjoy it too.

Wynde: Sharing is caring. Yeah.

Daniel: I'm gonna skip around a little bit. We have cleanliness in couples just elevates sex and its performance to an amazing level. They have a cleanliness kink.

Nichole: I'm wondering if they mean cleanliness as in physical cleanliness on your body, like douse yourself and take a silk wood shower before you

Wynde: come over

Nichole: or STIs. It could Yeah. Be

Eric: I don't know.

Daniel: My favorite part of this, the only reason why I really wanted to do this one is for the hard, hot Italian cock.

Wynde: That has been enjoyed for over thirty years.

Daniel: Yeah. So you know it's well worn. What in the way? What is it? What what did Jake the other night? Yeah. Well We we asked asked Jake. He said something about somebody who had a great And I said, what constitutes a great cock? And Jake said, large and well used.

Wynde: I like my cocks used.

Nichole: What they meant was,

Wynde: the cocks uses it well. And well used, like well wielded.

Daniel: I feel like it reminds me of the way that people talk about houses that are like fixer uppers and stuff. Yeah.

Laurel: It's well loved.

Daniel: Well loved.

Laurel: You can

Wynde: see how well loved it's been.

Nichole: Next profile?

Daniel: Yeah. We're gonna move right along.

Wynde: So that one we're just gonna remember by hot Italian cock.

Laurel: Yeah. Hot sexy sex sex hot Italian cock.

Daniel: Next up, we have untamed chemistry. With the subtitle, naughty is our middle name.

Laurel: Love it.

Wynde: Stop naming your children crazy things.

Daniel: Can you imagine if I just introduce myself as Daniel Naughty Menashe? Yes,

Laurel: I can.

Wynde: You can change your name legally. You should consider it.

Daniel: We are looking for a couple with a bi fem or a single bi fem where we can become friends both inside and outside the bedroom. Not interested in single males.

Nichole: They never are.

Daniel: Must be height weight proportionate. A little padding is okay. Fuck off. Yeah. We have no restrictions on race.

Nichole: Also fuck off.

Daniel: Well, thank you. Well- Thank you for letting us know.

Laurel: How colorblind of you.

Daniel: We are nudists, voyeurs, and the wife is an exhibitionist. We enjoy kissing and touching erotic photography, swimming, hot tubbing, movies, live shows and concerts, comedy clubs, pro baseball, college football, and college basketball.

Wynde: Weirdly specific. Okay. Yeah.

Daniel: Must be non smokers and vapers, drug and disease free shaved around the playground.

Wynde: I hate it. Why is it the playground? Oh, is this a thing? I'm hearing this for the first time today.

Laurel: Yeah. Same.

Wynde: We call genitals the playground?

Nichole: Okay. But shaved around the playground just to me

Laurel: It's not actually Yeah. It's not Yeah.

Wynde: I wanna shave this mom's the playground.

Laurel: It's just it's just the inner thigh. Yeah. But I'm fucking just Yep. Just bushed out everywhere else.

Daniel: So So wait. We got hard, hot Italian cock and shaved around the playground. Yeah. Next, have Kitty and Stanley. They are looking for BBC massage.

Clip: This is BBC One. In two minutes, the start of the new regular weekday news afternoon.

Daniel: Oh, no. So for those of you who are blessed to have not spent too much time on Pornhub. BBC is an incredibly racially offensive term, meaning big black cock.

Clip: Satisfaction guaranteed, first on BBC One, and we'll leave the introductions to someone else.

Daniel: BBC massage. What meme? For a BBC for a massage for a girlfriend at Caesars. Must have your own table and equipment.

Wynde: Woah. Okay. The truly offensive thing about that is referring to the human being that they're talking about. Yes. As their anatomical. Correct. Yes. No, this is a person. This is a person we're talking about friends.

Daniel: Unless they are talking about that they are going to get a massage

Wynde: In the that case, I'll allow it. Yeah. Just kidding.

Daniel: Speaking as somebody with a cock, Mhmm. I know it's surprising. That would hurt like hell trying to give somebody a cock massage. I mean, massaging with your cock, not massaging someone's cock.

Laurel: Yeah. You'd have to be erect for it.

Nichole: Yeah. I hate these people. And now I am plotting my revenge. Okay. I'm gonna buy a massage table. And I'm gonna stay at the Caesars.

Daniel: You're gonna go in blackface?

Nichole: Absolutely not. This is what's happening. I'm buying one of those giant fuck off dildos. And I'm gonna be like, okay. It's time.

Wynde: Time for your massage.

Nichole: Touch for the massage. Oh, I'm just the handler. I'm just setting up the table. So I come in and set up the table. She's lying face down. Right? And then I take this giant fucking dildo and I whack her with it. And I go, that's your massage. This is a very expensive endeavor.

Daniel: Although here's the thing, must have your own table. They are looking for a professional

Wynde: massage therapist. Yeah, they're not gonna pay. Yeah. Why? Yeah, fuck off. Yeah, fuck all the way right off.

Laurel: Yeah. This is wild. This is absolutely wild.

Nichole: And they're saying it's Caesars.

Laurel: Yeah. Just kidding.

Nichole: They can

Wynde: As we sit in the Rio.

Daniel: Alright. To close it out,

Clip: Her,

Daniel: five'four, one hundred and forty pounds, blonde and blue and pale.

Nichole: Arian. Yeah.

Laurel: White. White. White. White.

Daniel: I didn't really show you the pictures of the others.

Wynde: Of course you wanna see the pictures.

Daniel: I I don't think the others were really that relevant. They're exactly what you would imagine. But I did wanna show you a picture of the girlfriend from this profile. Oh, no.

Laurel: Oh, yeah. It's the one that's like screenshot of a video.

Daniel: Yeah. Both of theirs are screenshots of videos.

Wynde: The big play button in the middle. I love that.

Nichole: Oh, now that she has a face, I can't whack her with a dildo.

Laurel: Yeah. Daniel, how dare you?

Wynde: She might need a whacking though, still.

Nichole: I mean, but I'm also gonna say something mean.

Laurel: Do it.

Nichole: Do it. She straight up, like, very really looks like Annabelle the doll.

Daniel: Who's Annabelle the doll?

Nichole: From the Conjuring series.

Daniel: Spooky doll. I mean, I don't know. Wouldn't I be more attracted to her if she was really a spooky lady though?

Wynde: She looks a little spooky.

Daniel: I think that she looks manic.

Nichole: Yes. That's what I'm saying is that her eyes are like wide open.

Daniel: Wide open and like a grictus smile like.

Nichole: Worst to best?

Daniel: Worst to best. So we've got hot, hard Italian cock. Then we have shaved around the playground.

Wynde: Shaved around the playground.

Daniel: BBC massage.

Laurel: Okay. I say BBC massage is the worst.

Wynde: Worst. Absolute worst.

Daniel: Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go with

Wynde: They would benefit from a a bit of education.

Laurel: Yes. Yes. Yes. On this topic.

Daniel: What constitutes a massage? What constitutes a human being?

Wynde: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Let's sort these things out first.

Daniel: Yeah. Whether or not there are just like black men with huge cocks roaming around Las Vegas with massage tables. Like, where am I going to go to give my BBC massage tonight?

Wynde: I know the Caesar.

Daniel: What?

Nichole: Alright, second second worst.

Laurel: The playground is just turning me off.

Nichole: Oh, a thousand percent.

Wynde: The use of the word playground. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Wynde: Yeah. I like it.

Daniel: I don't know whether I'm we're gonna reach consensus with them being the second worst. Because they only have the one just really horrible line with the shaved around the playground. But the other one is like, with it's like, sex, sexy, sex, sex, sex. We want your sexuality. Let's share our bodies. Bodies, sex, hard, hot Italian cock.

Nichole: No drama.

Daniel: No drama.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: I am a little bit more freaked out by that one.

Nichole: Really? I really feel like shaved around the playground. I can't believe you made me say it. I feel like they had a lot they had a

Wynde: lot more rules. They were more queer friendly though. Right? Were they? It was shaved by and loves oral and was that shaved around the playground? Let's take Yeah.

Laurel: I do think you're right. Yeah. I think they were more

Wynde: A little bit more. Yeah. They're in the number two spot for me, I think.

Laurel: Yeah. Likewise, I think. Alright.

Wynde: Give me that hard hot Italian cock.

Nichole: Bring it on.

Speaker 7: It's been

Daniel: vouched for me.

Wynde: There's thirty years of evidence here.

Daniel: So Yeah. That's it's it's it's well loved.

Laurel: I do I do appreciate that the hard, hot Italian cock is not gonna flake on me. Yeah. Yeah. What? They have 14?

Daniel: 14 certifications. Let's see. There's a shaved around the playground. Do they have

Laurel: Yeah. What are their certifications?

Daniel: There's no certifications for untamed chemistry. I am now jumping ship and you have reached consensus.

Speaker 7: All right.

Laurel: Right. Looks like we're packing our bags and going to some hard, hot Italian cock.

Daniel: It just reminds me of, like, a spicy Italian sausage. Like, seems culinary. It's sausage. It seems culinary. Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah. It does.

Eric: Hey. Come over here, kid. Learn something. You never know you might have to cook for 20 guys someday.

Laurel: It does. For some reason, I'm thinking of the Hourda.

Wynde: More meatball ish. Right?

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.

Clip: Summation. We are dealing with a silicon creature of the deep rocks.

Eric: You got it to a boil. You're shoving all your sausage and your meatballs.

Wynde: Can I congratulate you on two years old

Nichole: pod? Yeah.

Daniel: Thank you.

Laurel: Thank you.

Wynde: You're going strong. Better than ever.

Laurel: Yeah. Thank you.

Wynde: Stubborns around the world. Love you.

Nichole: Wynde, we do owe a lot to you.

Laurel: Yes. Absolutely. You

Nichole: are part of our success. And we're just really, really grateful because you not only like shared your technical knowledge with us. That was incredible.

Daniel: I was shit before I met you.

Laurel: No. Did I did listen to our very first episode recently, and I was like, holy shit.

Wynde: You sound a lot better.

Laurel: Yeah. Good. Good.

Daniel: But seriously, Wynde, I learned so much from you, and it was so generous of you to, like, just immediately take me under your cloak. And

Laurel: If you don't know, Wynde's always walking around in a cloak. Cloak.

Wynde: Floor link. That way there's room people to be under there. Yeah. Wow.

Nichole: One of

Wynde: my favorite things that you guys have been doing lately though is you like talk about your difficult moments too. I think many shows would never could never be vulnerable in that way. And I think it's so valuable to hear like, a, where things go wrong, b, how you fix it, c, where you are now with it. You know, like, just going through that process is like it's like modeling good relations. You know?

Daniel: It's also like our listenership who consider themselves a Nicole, they just are there for the tea. They're like, you know, oh, not only have they gone through some shit, they still haven't resolved it at recording time.

Nichole: This has been PolyAmateur Hour, a production of Ryza Records. If you have a question for ask the amateurs, a recommendation for Insta's Poly, or a sweet little something for any segment, please email us at PolyAmateurHour@Gmail.com or message us at PolyAmateur Hour dot com. If you enjoyed the show and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice. Write us a five star review and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out. But we hope you tell three or four.

Laurel: If you want

Nichole: to help pay for our bad habits, like this podcast, send us a tip on KoFi@ko-fi.comslashpolyamateurhour. You can even make it recurring if you want to do it again and again. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time.

Laurel: Everything's sex except sex, which is power. Power, which is influence. Influence, which is money. Money, which is energy. Energy, which is candy.

Wynde: That's it.