Daniel: The reason why I put my shoes back on, even though I'm not leaving the house is because I had a saxophone teacher when I was a kid who would always be like, Oh, your tone's not great because your shoes are loose.

Daniel: Like your shoes aren't tied right. And he would have me like tie my shoes really tidy and like do a double knot. And then it would be like there. Now you can project the sound.

Nichole: What does that have to do with wearing shoes in the house? You know that you're not playing the saxophone around.

What if he was? What if

Daniel: he's fucking Lisa Simpson ing this shit?

PAH Theme: Talkin bout love and sex and power, All our polyamateur hour.

Daniel: This is kind of like performing, right? Like I gotta have my, my voice and I gotta be now close to the microphone since Laurel has been proven right. That

Laurel: she

Daniel: sounds better because she's practically fellating her microphone, so we're all gonna do this now.

Laurel: Practically

Nichole: fellating. So that's why you put your shoes back on. Yes. So you can be on.

Daniel: So I can feel like I can get down to business.

Laurel: Maybe that's why

Laurel: Can't sing.

Nichole: Cause you haven't had a saxophone. Oh, cause you don't tie your shoes. Right, right, right. You wear Crocs. They

Laurel: get me every time.

Daniel: It's really sad. I saw this saxophone teacher recently, like.

Daniel: Doing the greeting at Fred Meyer. And I was like, Oh man, career of jazz does not remunerate.

Laurel: Yeah, that's a thing that I think about a lot. Like just as a youth in general, you have all of these like projections onto like, what is a worthwhile thing to do as an adult? Seeing people who are in like lateral or slightly senior positions to me at different workplaces and being like, Oh, that's sad. Like they don't have any ambition. And now I'm like, those people are the fucking smartest people. They figured out it was all a scam.

Laurel: Yeah. They didn't have to level up. They're good right where they are. They have what they need and they're just gonna cruise.

Nichole: This reminds me of my family and I think it was a pretty privileged thing to witness growing up, right? When I was in college, I think, my dad had scaled the heights of his company, right? He had gone all the way to the top and he fucking hated it. Yeah. And so he demoted himself and

Nichole: like

went back to doing what he liked.

I just imagine him in his office, like going from one side of the desk to the other.

Like.

Laurel: I'm sorry, the company's struggling. We just really need you to go back to X, Y, Z. And he runs around to the other side of the desk, slumps in the chair and then goes.

Laurel: Do I have any choice here?

Daniel: Knowing Nicole's dad, that is actually something I can totally picture in your head. Me too. This is a man who's opening a gambit to our dog when he met the dog was. What's your favorite TV show? There is an innate narrative in this man's mind that is going on 24

7.

Nichole: door. Yeah, that's my dad.

Daniel: And you're sticking to him.

Laurel: Anyways, what I'm saying is don't feel bad for saxophone man. Yeah,

Daniel: I don't think that this was a career pivot. I don't think he was like, I think I'm going to really make a change in my life.

Daniel: I'm tired of playing jazz and salsa saxophone. I'm going to greet people at Fred Meyer's. It's not that being a greeter at a grocery store is an especially sad job, but Fred Meyer is an especially sad place.

Laurel: It is. .

Daniel: They're like big labyrinths. I don't know how it is for people working there, but being there.

Nichole: I feel like an idiot. At a Fred Meyer.

Laurel: Oh, yeah, because I can't find anything. It's designed to make you feel stupid and alone And like you're shoplifting all the time. Yeah constantly My favorite story about working at Safeway was that I got like a 98 percent on my PLU code test And they accused me of cheating

Daniel: you just had a You just have an arm full of stickers.

Daniel: Like you pull up your sleeve and it's just stickers all the way up.

I'm the asshole that made flashcards for myself. Oh, you studied for a test? I studied for the PLU code test. Oh my god.

Laurel: Those organic bananas. 9 8 8 9 2. I don't actually know anymore, but.

Daniel: Both of us have some grocery store roots. I spent a long time.

Daniel: In the aisles.

Laurel: I worked on the floor for a day. It was so sad. There was a man who lost his shopping cart. Oh no. There was another man that was trying to buy every single box of Cheerios that was in the store. And then there was an elderly woman crying in the produce department.

Laurel: Uh Huh.

This was one day. This was one day.

Daniel: So after three years in a grocery store, I graduated. I got promoted. If I was in charge, I would not have promoted myself, but I got promoted and went to the main office and then was in charge of responding to the Email.

Daniel: So the complaint letters and I developed like a psychoanalytic theory of perturbed grocery shoppers that because you get food from your parents, whatever issues that you have with like mommy and daddy. You are going to transfer that on to your fucking grocery store and you're gonna be like, either you're not giving me what I need, you're fucking poisoning me like people have all sorts of,

Nichole: you went out for cigarettes and you never came back.

Daniel: You just left me alone at the counter screaming for help.

Laurel: Wow. I honestly, it had never occurred to me until this moment to ever. Right Into somebody at the grocery store to complain about something. Me neither. In part because I, it just seems so impenetrable to me. Like that, sorry,

Nichole: um, One of our stewards shared with me, he like sent me this photo just randomly one day of like a community feedback note from a whole foods that he took from the community board in 2003, I want to say. And it was saying um, really, I'm really disappointed in your chicken soup today.

Nichole: It tasted like a funeral in my mouth.

Daniel: Welcome to poly amateur our

Laurel: I am Laurel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole. What's happening? Is there a gas leak?

Daniel: If there was it's been going on for fucking years

Nichole: What's your name, baby?

Daniel: I'm baby. I'm Daniel, baby

Nichole: So I do have a bone to pick.

Bone to Pick: This bone,

Bone to Pick: well, it's broke and

Bone to Pick: this bone I gotta pick with you.

Bone to Pick: I don't need you to say, I just need you to fix this shit you.

Nichole: Alright, so this is a developing bone.

Nichole: Okay. I'm just curious what y'all think. I've gone on like a few dates with this gentleman I don't know. We just really get along. If the romantic spark isn't there, the. Like quippy, fun, you are an interesting person poll is there, right? and I also feel like I got I was able to get really vulnerable with him really quickly and I was grateful for that.

Nichole: I'm so grateful for that. So he's seeing this other person and I get a voice memo the other day telling me that Basically him and this other person that he's seeing have been both struggling separately with the work it requires to do polyamory. And so they are taking, some time to think about it, but they're thinking about like, basically closing their relationship.

Nichole: Right? Which effectively means, No more me. Right. I, you know, took a few beats.

Nichole: That was not an invitation.

Daniel: Invitation to know.

Nichole: That's just my rusting bish face.

Nichole: So I took a few beats and I responded and I was like, Hey, like I, I understand where you're coming from. I do see that you have a lot going on doing a lot of things and polyamory does require a lot of work. He is also newer to polyamory and I didn't really, I don't think I realized that I thought that he was a little bit more experienced and versed.

Nichole: I was like, while I understand this, I don't know that I'm going to be on the other side of you and this person working out what you need to work out.

Nichole: Because there will always be that possibility that you'll just decide to close again. Yeah. And then I'll just be discarded. So I got, you know, a response that was like incredibly apologetic.

Nichole: And. I don't know that he needed to be as apologetic as he was. I did say to him, I was like, I am hurt and I am disappointed.

Daniel: Did you use the word discarded in your response?

Nichole: I don't know. Why?

Daniel: I would apologize profusely if you use the word discarded. That would uncork, That would uncork all my guilt.

Nichole: Oh, you would apologize to me. I got it. I got it. I got it. Um,

Nichole: Even if I didn't use that word, the sentiment is there.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: You have such a strong no poker face vibe that it just comes through via text.

Nichole: This was a voice memo because I do not have important conversations over text. Ideally this would have been a phone call, but we were trying to record and.

Nichole: Oh yeah.

Daniel: Pod comes first.

Nichole: It's my primary relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I've, I've never been in this position before. Yeah. Very recently I've had a couple people be like, yeah, I don't have, I don't have the time for you. And that's fine. People have their prerogative. I don't know that I've ever been in the position where it's like, I am actively choosing to see a person and so we're taking the time to focus on ourselves and our relationship. And I'm like, again, I get it.

Nichole: I totally get it. Yeah. I just don't know that I want to be there.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: On the other side.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: You got

Daniel: hierarchied.

Nichole: I think I did. Again, I have so much compassion for. Them and what they're going through and what they're like trying to figure out, right? Do they open up together? They both came to the relationship saying they were poly. Interesting. So that's really like, that's also what is confusing.

Daniel: Sometimes you meet somebody and they inspire you to open a relationship.

Daniel: Sometimes you meet somebody and you're like, They inspire you to shut that shit down and just enter into a uh, a little isolated uh, toxic wormhole.

Nichole: Laurel, did you have an

Laurel: experience like this? Yes. Well, I got monogamy zoned. Okay. My partner After her and I had been dating she started dating somebody else and then decided to be monogamous with him Okay, and broke up with me

Laurel: Which for that relationship specifically

Laurel: Wasn't a surprise Is she was new to polyamory We had had an open conversation of like my fear is you decide this isn't for you but I was like That's a like risk. I'm willing to accept and then in the course of the relationship.

Laurel: It seemed more more certain than it was for her and then it wasn't

Laurel: What's a kind word, not flip flopping.

Laurel: Um, Pivot, change in direction. Yeah, that kind of change in the direction wasn't out of character. And so it didn't super catch me off guard.

Daniel: Her whole history was monogamous relationships of the type which she then had.

Daniel: Entered back into you were the outlier in her journey. Yes,

Laurel: definitely.

Daniel: So it was a return to like the status quo. So that can't be that surprised.

Laurel: Yes and I will and like the person that she was dating and decided to like be monogamous with was monogamous. yeah.

Nichole: Yeah,

Nichole: So I guess it's slightly different in that these are two Apparently, poly people who want to have like a pause period before they can do the work of poly. Which, again, I understand that.

Laurel: Yeah, like I get it conceptually, but I'm trying to like wrap my head around it like it's hard for me because I would never do that.

Nichole: Neither would I. And so that's why like I can't really fault them for doing it because they don't, they Have a ton of experience and they want to do the work. What

Daniel: we sound a little bit like Monogamous people when they're like that's good for you, but I could never do that

Daniel: Yes, Yes, okay three three old Polly sitting around going I guess, but I just don't think it's natural.

Nichole: I guess I appreciate the sentiment of like, I want to be able to do the work and show up in this space having done the work or being in a place where, because I know that this requires a lot of work.

Laurel: What is the quote unquote work in this context? That's a great question.

Daniel: Whatever he's headed for sounds like more work than you.

Daniel: Well,

Laurel: I mean, like, Yeah, is the work like yeah, just juggling my schedule or is the work like, oh, actually like my other partner's really jealous and can't deal with this.

Laurel: If that's the work, then yeah, you got hierarchied and. I also have a bone to pick.

Nichole: I think it, it might be both ways. Yeah.

Daniel: You've got two bones. You got to go both ways.

Nichole: We are leaving that pause in

Nichole: and people will look at their phones going like. Did I accidentally pause this? Yeah. My headphones just connect. Nope. That was just Laurel and I just looking at Daniel. Okay. I guess I just needed to process it. Again, it feels like a developing bone because I feel like I'm in the middle of it right now, and I don't really know what the next steps are.

Daniel: Can you say developing bone one more time?

Laurel: Developing bone. Shit. What's

Daniel: up next, kids?

Laurel: Are we gonna ask the amateurs?

Daniel: Let's ask them.

If you got questions, don't demur, it's time to ask the amateurs.

Daniel: By what pathway did this question arrive to our hands?

Laurel: This question came to us via our website. That's polyamateurhour. com. can access it on the world wide web

Laurel: Through your browser of choice.

Daniel: Do you need America online?

Laurel: You can use any internet provider of your choosing, but you don't really get to choose because it's probably Comcast or That one other shitty provider in your neighborhood Sometimes you don't even get that.

Daniel: Yeah. And it's all got the stink of musk on it now.

Laurel: Ugh. Do you remember when Portland had free Wi Fi?

Daniel: I do not remember this. Did it work?

Laurel: Was it powered by

Nichole: gerbils?

Daniel: Hamsters! That's the whole purpose of the hamster dance. Of the hamster

Laurel: wheel.

Daniel: No, the hamster dance. That's what powers

Laurel: the internet.

Laurel: That's where Laurel got

Laurel: that, that hamster dance. Yes!

That's where he got that habit.

Nichole: That endearing, lovely habit.

What? Now for the first time, I think you don't like it. I'm

Nichole: kidding. I'm kidding. I

Daniel: like that we have a cold open digression to every segment now.

Laurel: Sorry. Sorry.

Laurel: You ready?

Daniel: Ready?

Laurel: Hi, polyamateur hour. My partner and I are new to E& M and trying to figure out where we fit. We're kinky. But not lifestyle, kinky. And while polyamory doesn't feel like the right fit for us right now, we really value deep friendships.

Laurel: Swinging, on the other hand, often feels more casual or transactional than we're looking for. How can we find or build a community that aligns with our dynamic when we don't fit neatly into any of the usual E& M categories? Thanks.

Daniel: Clear. Succinct. Thoughtful.

You have to like rate all of our questions.

Daniel: I mean, Maybe that just means that all the ones up until now, I did not think were clear, succinct or thoughtful.

Laurel: That's what I would think. Like If I asked a question earlier and then I heard you say that about this question, I would have been like I just need like my question,

Daniel: get out of that hierarchical thinking.

Laurel: It's more like comparative and hierarchical, but anyways.

Nichole: Okay I think that it is helpful to drill down what you mean when you say community. They said like deep friendships, right? I mean you could ask friends for this rides to the airport and like taking care of your pets. Yeah. But I think they're right in that those kinds of connections are more available in polyamory and ethical consensual non monogamy than it's going to be in the kink or swinging world.

Nichole: Because those can be very like transactional spaces. Although, even if you don't necessarily subscribe to the lifestyle, the kink world is still full of people who are like, I'm very into having deep friendships and support and community. It really is it's built around this shared experience that everybody wants to have.

Nichole: And I don't know that it's necessary to commit to a lifestyle in order to partake in that community.

Laurel: Yeah. My first gut reaction to this was like, ah, just don't worry about it so much. Like, and maybe, and maybe that's maybe that's partly living in Portland and having access to queer spaces and kink spaces and poly spaces where there's so much like overlap between those things.

Laurel: That it doesn't like super matter. I feel like there's so many flavors of it already, even just under the umbrella of polyamory.

Laurel: Like, right. Even, Even though we all kind of assume there is a consensus on what that means,

Nichole: but I think you're right in that entering those kinds of spaces, I don't know that other people are necessarily judging you on Your commitment or your level of involvement.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah, like I don't think that there is Like you have to go to the dungeon four nights a week in order to be considered part of this community I act like I know what I'm talking about. I don't. I don't. I don't. I've never. I've never done that. I just don't know anything about it.

Daniel: I mean you say that, but I think that there's. A lot of dogma within Polly spaces. And I absolutely understand this Stubert's trepidation about getting involved with an apparent belief system that can sometimes appear a little rigid, which there may be not prepared for, that doesn't completely match what I want right now that tracks

Daniel: like poly circles can be pretty judgy sometimes especially this one uh, but we're fun. Don't you want to be judged by us? You've been a bad boy.

Daniel: So, So I understand that trepidation. And to. Echo, Laurel wise, wise, Laurel, don't worry about it.

Laurel: I had the urge to like flick a booger at you. I just wanted to like pick my nose and flick. Because wise, wise, Laurel, I don't know.

Daniel: That's because you can't imagine the fact that I'm not being ironic. So to Echo, Laurel, who I find insightful

and wise, It sounds worse every time you say it.

To echo Laurel, the smartest person whom

Daniel: I've ever met, who just flits around the room and dropping nuggets of wisdom. To echo dumb Laurel um, just relax about it. Like you don't need to fit into any of these boxes that people have established. So for a long time when I would get into relationships, I would call myself I coined my own term cause I'm a pretentious fuck and I would call it I would call myself a relationship agnostic where I didn't necessarily.

Daniel: Approach it with any sense of a rigid form or a dogma that I wanted to put on a relationship. I was a relationship agnostic, then I, Then I found my faith

Laurel: in

Daniel: polyamory.

Laurel: polyamory come to you or did you come to polyamory?

Daniel: Not going to make a cum pun. Not going to make a cum pun. Cum pun.

Anyways.

Daniel: Not going to try and connect this to Bajoran religion. Not going to try. Not going to connect it to wormhole aliens.

Nichole: Your cum puns. Star Trek. That's just you.

Daniel: So I just did my own thing for a long time. I just did what felt right to me in each individual relationship. And I would recommend you to just to feel around in the darkness.

Nichole: I think that's why it's important to just when you say community, what do you mean when you say community? What is it that you're, that you are looking for?

Laurel: Yeah, my impression, was like, oh, they want a group of people that meet the criteria of being close friends.

Laurel: But also they fuck.

Daniel: But don't have quote unquote relationships with one another. Like the romantic relationship is maybe off the

Laurel: table. It's like a large network of friends with benefits.

Nichole: I think people do that all the time. Yeah..

Daniel: There's lots of poly people who do that. There's lots of hierarchical poly people who have their main primary relationships and then just, have a Dungeons and Dragons night and, get naked.

Nichole: We're not cutting that one out either. We're not cutting out that pause. Everybody's

Daniel: got a different definition of game night. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: I mean, There are plenty of unicorn hunters a lot. Like There's plenty of like couples out there that are. That are looking, it seems for an energy and relationship style that matches what the Stubert is saying.

Laurel: That are, they're clearly like primarily coupled and want to play either solo or together. With other people and I've seen it too where like, they definitely specifically Mentioned like looking for friendships and like not wanting one night stand. I've seen that too.

Laurel: Yeah That exists and I do agree with what you're saying Daniel Lake Yeah the poly community is super judgy and like it is so easy One if you're like reading on the internet like get off the internet Like, ugh, yuck.

Nichole: Get off the internet. It's one of my favorite Latigre songs.

Daniel: Except to visit www.

Daniel: polyamateurami. com

Laurel: Yeah, because a lot of people say a lot of very very, rigid uh, absolutist kind of things with so much confidence on

the internet.

Nichole: the internet is full of, It's full of bullshit.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. And even, there are things even on here where I'll say like, oh yeah, that would be a deal breaker for me, but one like, you have to remember that's one person who does and feels certain ways about things.

Laurel: And that's like from one singular perspective and it's not like the entire non monogamous or polyamorous perspective.

Daniel: And you also break all of your own rules as soon as you

Laurel: make them. Oh yeah, absolutely. So I haven't, I won't, I try not to state them in the first place.

Daniel: I mean, Sometimes I think you do it just for the joy of breaking them.

Laurel: I'm just knowing I'm going to fail. Fuck that one up later.

Daniel: Did we answer it?

I think we answered it. Hey, man, just don't worry about it.

Hey, Stu, just don't worry about it, Stu.

Nichole: Yeah I think that community forms naturally. You'll find your people. Yeah. And if you are feeling this way, there are definitely other people who are feeling this way. Yes.

Daniel: Consider Star Trek fandom. Or just polyamateur hour stubertdom, like here's a space where you can be whatever the fuck you want.

Daniel: This is, sloppy poly um, wonderland of your dreams. As long as you're, as long as you're with us, kid.

Laurel: Yeah. Just like, you know, communicate what you're open for up front and in the back. Yeah, I am doing that. Oh God.

Laurel: Should we move along home?

Daniel: Oh, I think we're going to ask a question today. Is this Polly?

Is This Poly?!: Is this Polly or not?

Daniel: For Is This Polly today, we're going to be looking at three songs with the connective tissue of all being kind of a satirical, funny, good time songs.

Daniel: Jolly clownin What the fuck? Jolly clownin

The panic in your face as you said it. Yeah. That reminds me, someone that I had matched with on field, listed under their interests,

it just says jokers, clowns, mimes. What

Daniel: do jokers are those like people who like dress up like. The Joker?

Nichole: No, it's just like Like a jester. Yeah, like you're so Like Steve Miller? Oh god.

Laurel: I think it's uh, I'm getting a

Nichole: lot of icy stares today. Jesus.

Laurel: I think it's for like ICP fans.

And you matched with him? No, I think it's just like goofy, you know, the goofy people.

Nichole: Goofy folks,

Nichole: , let's listen to some goofy songs.

Daniel: First up, we're going to start back in the early 60s with. I got it from Agnes from one of my personal heroes, Tom Lehrer.

I Got It From Agnes Clip: love my friends, and they love me. We're just as close as we can be. And just because, we really care, whatever we get. We share.

I Got It From Agnes Clip: I got it from Agnes. She got it from Jim. We all agree it must have been Louise who gave it to him. Now she got it from Harry, who got it from Marie, and everybody knows that Marie. Got it from me.

Laurel: I think that that song is exemplifying the kind of community that our stubert is looking for.

Daniel: I love it. In so many different ways. One, I feel like it, it paints some like picture of some bygone Bohemian Europe of just everybody being poly with everybody. I love how it takes this topic of an STI that is being passed around from person to person and totally de stigmatizes it and makes it into this incredibly playful, lighthearted romp.

Daniel: And I think that there's some real poly flourishes in there. Whatever we get, we share. And Pierre got it from Francois and Jacques. Lucky Pierre.

Nichole: Yes. There is also I don't know how he would identify the character who is singing this song. Pansexual, bisexual, trisexual, whatever. But there's definitely some fluid sexuality there.

Nichole: Mm hmm.

Daniel: And Some stuff about like some real outdoor nookie as George Michael put it. Did he put it

Nichole: that way?

Daniel: Oh, he put it that way. Oh, God. He was on a uh, he was on a talk show. You know, it was right after he got busted um, you know, entrapped by a police officer in a bathroom.

Daniel: And he said, somebody just, approached me in a bathroom and who doesn't like a little outdoor nookie?

Nichole: Oh, he did say that? Yes. Oh my God. I love it. So what does that have to song?

Daniel: Um, It might've been, it might've been at the club, at the park, or in the loo. Like, This is some real like, um, uh, um, what did they used to call it?

Daniel: Cruising. Yeah.

Laurel: Every time I listen to this song, I like to imagine that they're passing something different around.

Laurel: Sometimes it's an umbrella. I was gonna say the salt?

Laurel: Sometimes it's just good cheer.

Nichole: Or the

Laurel: good

Nichole: word.

Daniel: Yeah, I just find it real healing. We had a couple of like, uh, STI close calls recently, and, after just stressing out about them for long periods of time, where I'm like, just, refreshing the the patient portal thing over and over again it's, it's nice to just hear.

Daniel: Um, Tom Lehrer passing around a bouquet or a basket of puppies or whatever.

Laurel: I mean That is the difference between your like anxious reaction to like oh, somebody I hooked up with, their partner has a partner that may have been exposed to chlamydia.

Laurel: And you're, A wreck for a week.

Daniel: And I'm just listening to this song on repeat. It's my only solace. I'm like Nog listening to Vic Fontaine with his severed leg.

Nichole: God, we have so many Star Trek references. Yeah. I feel sorry for anybody who doesn't watch Star Trek.

Yeah, I recommend you start watching it.

Just to get the references on this particular movie.

Nichole: It's not Star Trek podcast.

Daniel: I thought you meant just, you feel sorry for anyone who doesn't watch Star Trek.

Nichole: I mean in general. That too. Yeah.

Daniel: Is it Polly?

Laurel: It sure is fun. It's fun. But,

Nichole: I like to imagine that they're all comet partners. Aw.

Nichole: With each other. Maybe it's a little bit more C& M, E& M, but they're all friends.

Daniel: Yeah!

Nichole: What do you think? Is this Polly?

Daniel: Yeah. I think it's Polly.

Laurel: I just. Wait. I'm being bitter right now because I feel like there's so many sexy songs that I shared and they were like, no, it's not Polly, it's just sex.

Laurel: And this one is just about passing an STI around and you're like, yes, it's Polly.

Daniel: I think that you've loosened me up, babe for, for all sorts of different kinds of Polly songs Like if we revisited the early ones and. For contracting STDs.

No one's going to date me after this.

Daniel: Yes, it's Polly.

Nichole: Yeah, it's Polly. In my, in, again, in my fantasy they're all in actual relationships with each other and they're all each other's comet partners.

Daniel: It's just my headcanon, just like you got to have Britney Spears 1, 2, 3.

Laurel: I know, but now I'm like

Daniel: And I agreed with you! I went on that journey.

Daniel: I went on that journey with you.

Laurel: Alright, fine. Yes, it's Pauly.

Daniel: Grudgingly.

Laurel: Next song!

The hounds demand it.

Daniel: Next up, we've got Five Moms and Three Dads by Tom Hunter.

Laurel: Are all these songs by Toms?

Daniel: Oh, that would be a great theme that I should have thought of.

Five Moms and Three Dads Clip: I suppose someday, when I'm all grown up, I'll take a survey to see if I'm screwed up. Asking all of us hippie kids, what we think of what our parents did.

Five Moms and Three Dads Clip: I'll have to ask which parents they mean. I got a whole lot more than most kids I've seen. And if we haven't solved all the problems At least you've come up with a whole new set. Cause I've got five moms and three dads. May sound strange, but it ain't so bad. If you get tired of one, you can go find another.

Five Moms and Three Dads Clip: It's a whole lot better than one dad and mother.

Daniel: That song was recorded in 1982, as far as I can tell. And it is part of a concept album put together by a different folk singer, Peter Alsop, where it is in the form of a version of Christmas Carol with like hippie ghosts trying to educate Scrooge on feminism and gender theory and polyamory.

Laurel: What's the name of the album?

Daniel: Ebenezer's makeover.

Daniel: This is what happens when you. Go down long, long rabbit holes looking for Pauly songs. Wow.

Nichole: Did you strike gold?

I mean,

Daniel: You tell me, what do you think?

Nichole: It's literally describing a family that is practicing polyamory. As far as we

Laurel: know. Yeah. I was, while listening to it, I was like, trying to do the devil's advocate thing.

Laurel: I mean, like, Oh, is it just like a bunch of rando parents cohabiting with their kids? But then I was like, there's no way they're not banging. There's just no way.

Nichole: How does the math work? Five moms and three dads.

Daniel: You don't have to have like seven brides for seven brothers.

Nichole: You're right. I'm just trying to figure out the different configurations

Daniel: you're like the um, The confused equation lady, but like just smiling.

Nichole: Um, I also feel like I know what this house smells like.

Daniel: Uh, Nog champa. Exactly. Stewing greens. Yep.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. There's a thin layer of dust on everything.

Daniel: There's little tiny cactuses in all the windows.

Nichole: And crystals in the windows, like suncatchers. Macrame. Mmhmm.

Laurel: Now that we know where they live.

Daniel: We're coming for

ya. This is like, This is like any house in Portland. It really, I just,

Nichole: I feel like I've been to this house. I

Daniel: feel like I grew up in this house. I am really refreshed. I'm really refreshed. It's a weird fucking way to say that, Daniel. I'm very refreshed by hearing a song, by hearing a Pauly song from the point of view of a of a kid being raised by a Pauly family.

Daniel: I did not expect this to come into my world at all. And I was like, mind blown.

Laurel: Whoa, man. Yeah. And it's it is, it's sweet that the kid's like, yeah, this is better than having one set of parents, you idiot. Yeah, it is sweet.

Daniel: I encourage anybody out there to just uh, look through this entire album.

Daniel: It also has such Great songs as it's only a wee wee

Daniel: and chromosome phobia.

Laurel: Oh, wow. Yeah.

Daniel: There's a lot of gender stuff.

Laurel: Wow. Yeah. The eighties, 1982,

Daniel: 1982. Wow. I mean, I had a hard time finding information about this it's upload to Spotify year is 2004. . But. When I looked and found copyrights of the songs, several of the songs were 1982.

Daniel: So I'm assuming that is when this came out.

Nichole: Spotify wasn't around in 2004.

Daniel: Okay. Well,

Nichole: How is its upload date 2004? I don't know. This is suspicious. I think you made this musical, and you're

just like,

Nichole: It's autobiographical.

Daniel: It's

weird. I found this musical. All the songs

Daniel: today are autobiographical.

I am genuinely wondering when

Laurel: we, Is this Pauly for

Daniel's

Laurel: rap album?

Laurel: Rap album.

Nichole: All right.

Daniel: Is it Polly?

Nichole: Yeah. Yes.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: All right.

Daniel: Case closed.

Daniel: Even, what's the judge from Ally McBeal?

Judge Whipper. Whipper.

Daniel: Even Judge Whipper could not deny the polliness of that song.

Nichole: She didn't deny the polly, she just didn't agree with it.

Daniel: Now we're gonna jump forward a couple decades for another funny song that people might be familiar with. It is Three Way, The Golden Rule by The Lonely Island with Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga.

Golden Rule Clip: Hey boys, I want you both I hope that you think that's cool Say what? I know most guys won't freak together When she forgot about the golden rule I hope it's okay when it's in a three way It's not gay when it's in a three way We're the honey in the middle The area's great in a one, two, three way.

Golden Rule Clip: Normally, I don't

Laurel: I don't know if Andy Sandberg has ever had sex.

Laurel: Mr. Andy Sandberg. Sandberg, if you would like to refute that claim please reach out to us at

polyamateurhouratgmail. com.

Daniel: With your phone number, and your sexual interests, and a time this week when you're available. There's only one way to prove us wrong.

What a proposition. Just imagine being a person in the world and people talk about you like that. I don't think you've had sex ever. Prove it!

Daniel: Oh my god. What's

wrong with me?

Daniel: Did you forget that that's Your original opening when you wrote to me,

Laurel: that's what I, that, I just copy and paste that. No, my phone, my phone basically auto fills it now.

Nichole: I mean, I also Have to say like. Justin Timberlake is the, furthest fall from grace that I've ever witnessed as far as like, I loved him and now I hate him with a passion.

Daniel: I mean, the fact that you loved him in the first place. Is what makes that fall long ways.

Daniel: I was a child

Nichole: of the nineties. Of course I loved him. Laurel backed me up.

Laurel: I didn't boy band. All right. You were cooler than me. We get it fine. I spice curled for sure. Hard. Yeah. Yeah. She

Daniel: didn't need a boy band. She had. Team's boys.

Um,

Daniel: I think that we need to take Justin Timberlake out of the equation. I don't think that he is a creative force in this song. I think they set him up like a Ken doll and just,

Nichole: yeah, he's never contributed anything funny in his life. Yeah.

Nichole: He's just told what to say and what to sing. I don't think Justin

Laurel: Timberlake has ever made a joke in his life. Prove it. Prove it. Write to us at polyamateurhour at gmail. com.

Daniel: I think the intended irony of this song is that they really do want to have sex with each other, that they are gay, and they are just looking for anything that they can to kind of justify the situation.

Nichole: Oh, this is a challenger's situation? Yes. That is what I thought

Daniel: it was, too.

Nichole: Exactly.

Daniel: Yeah. It's a challenger's situation.

Laurel: I was trying to think about who is this song making fun of? And I think it wants us to think that it's making fun of homophobes. But really it's just making fun of closeted gay men.

Daniel: Often vocal homophobes

Laurel: are closeted gay men. Yes.

Daniel: That's our opinion. If you want to fight with us, write to polyamateurhour at gmail. com.

Nichole: I'm struggling with this one, because I don't I don't know that a three way is necessarily poly, or even non monogamous. I think it's just a thing that men fantasize about.

Nichole: Women fantasize about it too, don't get me wrong,

Daniel: Lady Gaga fantasizes about it with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg.

Laurel: Yeah, I mean I like that she just tricked them both into showing up, but you can't say much when you page someone so You know That's true

Daniel: Can you do like, text art of a dick?

Laurel: Maybe. Yeah, it's a three equals equals equals um, and a D.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Capital

Daniel: D. Spoken like someone with experience.

Laurel: Never have I ever. Um, Yeah, I gotta, I gotta agree with Nicole. I was like searching, I was trying to find little moments that you could suppose more.

Laurel: Like when Gaga's like, oh yeah, I just like you both. And then I think, honestly what you're saying about the uh, Like no homo homo thing is I think her presence becomes irrelevant.

Daniel: Yes. And I believe in the music video that is actually shown.

Daniel: Yeah. That it's a challenger situation where they start, you know, Really getting down and then it's like, what's Zendaya supposed to do?

Laurel: Yeah, what is she even doing here? Her work here is done.

Daniel: Where Gaga sticks around to witness the glory of the homosexuality that she has instilled.

Laurel: Well, Yeah, I mean, that is like Gaga's career.

Daniel: That is. Yeah.

Yeah.

Daniel: So, uh, No, not even particularly funny. Sorry. I just, I think it's tired

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: I think I liked a lot of other Lonely Island stuff from that era.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: There were certain of their songs which just gave me the giggles and jiggles.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: And so I wanted to revisit it and lesson learned.

Laurel: I think , it's just, it's hard to make fun of things you're not a part of.

Laurel: You can do it.

Nichole: Really, the only funny part was the helicopter dick because I was

Laurel: imagining that I was imagining it too And that's the part that made me say I don't think Andy Samberg has ever had sex

Nichole: So Nope. Is this Polly?

Daniel: No. No. Nope. It is helicopter dick. Yes. Shall we move along home with a little Poly Pyramid Scheme?

Poly Pyramid Scheme: Polyhuraman Huramanski. Polyhuraman Huramanski. Polymega bolts, join the cult. Polyhuraman Huramanski.

Laurel: Scheme. Poly Poly Pyramid Pyramid Scheme.

Send us your questions, Stuberts.

Daniel: So this week, We do need questions.

Laurel: Send us questions, please. You can submit them anonymously at polyamateurhour. com.

Daniel: And even if you don't have a question, ask

Laurel: the

Daniel: guy next to you on the bus.

Laurel: Yeah, that's a great, that's a great icebreaker. Yeah. Or, you have those team meetings or whatever, and you need a good icebreaker. Breaker, ask them what kind of questions they would ask the amateurs and then type them all up and send them to us.

Daniel: We want to be a part of your HR discussions with your job.

Laurel: We can be available for that.

Laurel: Please, please,

Nichole: please, please, Please. Can we harmonize? Please. Please. That is so fucking creepy. I'm sad that I

asked. Laughter.

PAH Outro: This has been Polyamateur Hour, a production of Risa Records. If you have a question for Ask the Amateurs, or a recommendation for Is This Poly, please email us at polyamateurhour at gmail dot com. If you enjoyed the show, and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice, leave us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out.

PAH Outro: But we hope you tell three. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed. Unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time!