Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle fast, jiggle fast, jiggle fast, jiggle fast.

Daniel: I gotta wake up every cell in my body individually by getting the wiggles out. This is like what you're gonna do, right? Where you're gonna go in and get electroshock therapy for exercise. Laurel, what? Oh, I'm so excited about this.

Laurel: What? So there's this thing called, I don't know, electromagnetic stimulation or something you put on a fucking suit and it just like convulses your muscles for you while you workout. So it's like doing like hours of workout in a 20 minute period.

Nichole: Did you see this on tv?

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: It's as seen on tv.

Laurel: No. Uh, my friend slash pole instructor told me about it because she's been doing it for several years now, Uhhuh.

Laurel: And she's like, she's like, I keep like singing the praises of it, but, uh.

Nichole: It feels like an infomercial. Oh yeah. It seems, it seems like

Laurel: absolutely insane. And of course, like the only, like studio here that does it is in Lake Oswego. Of course,

Daniel: of course. I feel like every now and then, like it comes back into vogue where you just have to shake everything and that's how you, how you get in shape.

Daniel: And I don't think it's ever true, but every time we fall for it,

Laurel: I mean, I'm gonna say my friend is fit as hell.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: Is it a whole fuck off suit?

Laurel: It looks like, like a short wetsuit, they do ones that are your, like entire full wetsuit, but it seems like a wetsuit light

Daniel: because you might pee yourself.

Daniel: Wait, would be, so wetsuit is supposed to keep the water out.

Laurel: That would be so, no, you're so dangerous. You're supposed to. Pee in

Daniel: it. It's like a still suit. It's like one of those dune things.

Laurel: It doesn't work unless you pee in it. Yeah.

Daniel: It's fueled by the electromagnetic power of urine.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Like me.

Laurel: So if you guys don't hear from me next week, that's why, because you peed in your wetsuit and you lectured cuted yourself and I died.

Daniel: Well, they, they teach you to like operate drums. Like that Old Spice commercial where he's got the, the little electrodes on his pecs, boom, boom,

Laurel: boom, boom. Yeah. Well, it's directly hooked up to the like orange theory next door. And all the music that you hear in the orange Theory is generated by my muscle contractions.

Daniel: I was thinking because Orangetheory is like one of those systems where they project your stats up on screens for everybody. It's just my stats. Exactly. And they pay extra to like outsource the stats of other people. Somebody in the next room over is, is, uh, is working out for them.

Nichole: I've never done Orange Theory, but the projecting your stats thing, like yeah, not a fan seems like I would be embarrassed about

Laurel: that.

Nichole: I mean, that has to be part of the reason why they're doing it is so that it motivates you to compete against the, your fellow classmates. Probably.

Daniel: we went and did it as a team once. Um, you know, it's one of those things that like, not

Laurel: us, we didn't do it as a team. Fuck, no. Fuck no. You went with your employment, your bus, your employer, and your colleagues.

Daniel: Yeah, when I was, when I was working for Pacific Northwest, , sports apparel company, I was

Laurel: Oh, oh, generic Pacific Northwest Sports Perel Company.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah, yeah,

Daniel: yeah. On their, on their giant, uh, fuck off campus

Laurel: Uhhuh. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: They have their own orange theory. They did, they do have their own Orange theory.

Daniel: And so like as team building exercises, we would go to. The Orange theory, and I remember the very sweet, extremely high strung British boss that I had.

Oh, oh, Nicole

Daniel: knows who I'm talking about. Wait,

the one

Laurel: that had a heart attack and died, that orange

theory.

Nichole: I don't mean to laugh that hard,

Nichole: I'm just imagining the news report today. High strung British copy lead during

Daniel: a team building exercise. Well, he's got his little beard and he is got his glasses. He's definitely got the whole like copywriting uniform, uhhuh on. Mm-hmm. He wears cute little sweaters all the time. Otherwise. But, but for the audience, Daniel is describing himself.

Daniel: Exactly. He's, he's like the Goyish British version of me

Nichole: Uhhuh. It's very true.

Daniel: And, but I just remember, like, he seemed to get so motivated by the publicity and shame of his stats that they just redlined like, like you were supposed to stay in the orange area, but they kept having to go over to him and like, relax.

Daniel: Tell him to simmer down. Yeah. Because he would be like hitting the red line. And I was like, I was like, uh, redacted. Are you okay?

Laurel: Oh, that would be me because I rode the stationary bike at physical therapy the other day and like I at a leisurely pace and my heart rate was already up to like one 20. Yeah.

Laurel: And then I had a heart attack and died.

Daniel: And this is the afterlife.

Laurel: Sick. Sorry. Sick. 'cause you know what I did today? Watched Raising Arizona. Mm-hmm. My partner and his wife. Mm-hmm. Then I ate some damn good tacos recommended by jokers, clowns and mimes.

Daniel: Listeners of the pond will be familiar with jokers clowns and mimes from a casual mention three or four episodes in the past,

Laurel: went to a clothing swap, got a sexy blue dress. Nicole can account for

Daniel: what's more poly than a clothing swap.

Laurel: Right? Yeah. And And now we're here. And now I'm podcasting. So I have died and gone to heaven.

Laurel: And this podcast is welcome to Poly Amateur Hour. I'm Nicole.

Daniel: I'm Daniel.

Laurel: And I'm Laurel. Is it the rule? Whoever said, welcome to Poly Amateur Hours, the last person to say their name. Yeah. Is that a rule, is one? Have we done that? I don't think so, but it made sense in that moment.

Daniel: I think the more like guidance and rules we develop about these things, the more difficult it will be for us to execute them.

Daniel: And I can just imagine already laurel's brain starting to short

Laurel: circuit. I'm, I'm already mad that I made that rule. Yeah. And I'm already gonna, I'm already gonna rebel against it. As soon as I get the chance,

Daniel: Um, I have such bad allergies. They are at bay because I took a SNF Smurf right before this. Oh. And a shower and did rock and sock robot arm warmups. But today may be the day that I am going to, , severely interfere with audio with periodic sniffles.

Nichole: you said the word snuf.

Nichole: Snuf. So are you gonna, are you

Daniel: gonna make me explain Snuf Snuf?

Nichole: No, I'm just gonna,

Daniel: was just gonna make it a thing.

Nichole: We've already made it a thing. That's okay. So listeners, like couples friend groups. Whatever have words for things, right?

Daniel: Yeah. It's called language

Nichole: fuck off. Um,

Laurel: but

Nichole: they have

Laurel: their own secret

Nichole: language.

Nichole: Yeah. We have our own, so we all like share a language sometimes. Yeah. And we call allergy medication that you pump up into your nose. Snf Smurf, that's a snf Smurf

because we're like an inbred mountain family

Nichole: But we also like when we have to switch our cars in the driveway, we call it a switchy Uhhuh, when we have to, um, wipe the dog's paws after coming in from the rain.

Nichole: We call 'em ies.

Daniel: God, this is, so, they're also juvenile. I feel a little embarrassed,

Nichole: but I think, I mean like. I don't know if it's a couple's thing I don't like. Yeah, no. I'm curious what other people like what they have with their, oh yeah. What are your weird, your weird languages.

Laurel: Yeah. Do you and I have any, Laurel?

Laurel: No. We don't really talk very much.

It's true. You've

Laurel: adopted Seie. Yeah. I have adopted Seie and, and ies. Yeah. I like I say, the things.

Laurel: I'm highly susceptible to,

Daniel: uh,

Daniel: to like indoctrination by mountain families

Laurel: yeah. Which is why I applied to be on the next season of love off the grid.

Laurel: Are you off the grid or are you going off the grid? I'm well, no, I'm going to hook up with, , Maisha and, uh, what's his face, Joe? Yeah, we're gonna homestead. Oh, cool.

Daniel: I love the idea of you as a chaos agent going into a cultish homestead.

Laurel: You know, I would,

Laurel: You know, I would

Nichole: take over that place.

Nichole: Oh, yeah,

Daniel: yeah,

Nichole: yeah. I'm trying to imagine if you would be as manipulative as me

Nichole: I would like gain their trust first and like play their game. Oh yeah. Yeah. And go like, yeah, definitely. I'll absolutely do deworm the goats and like, oh, you can totally use me as human furniture. And then somehow, and then bam, you are the human furniture.

Daniel: You, you just, you just wait till they're asleep and you kick your feet up on them.

Laurel: They think you're deworming the goats, but you're giving them steroids and making them a goat army. I'm giving them worms.

Nichole: I'm giving them more worms.

Laurel: So it's more work. And they're so busy doing more of the work that, that they haven't even realized you've taken over the homestead.

Laurel: Exactly. And there's a whole other poly living in their homestead. That's what it is.

Daniel: A poly of worms, goats and poly amateurs.

Nichole: Blame me. Blemo. Yeah. I think Laurel, I don't see you being like super manipulative, but I think you would, like charm both of them into just letting you do whatever you want.

Daniel: Oh, Laurel is not the kind of manipulation that you like Notice.

Daniel: She's like a, she's like a, she's like, thank you, thank you. It's like a gas leak. Like you just, you just notice that you're, you're thinking different. Like

Laurel: before they added the sulfur smell to the gas. Yeah. Usually you're just feeling kind of goofy. Yeah. And you're sleepy.

Laurel: And that's how I get 'em all.

Nichole: Do we have a segment?

Daniel: Nope. Oh, is it just this?

Nichole: Sorry.

Daniel: It's another waiting for Good Day. Oh God.

Daniel: I think that Laurel has brought in a segment. Did you bring in a segment to share? Laurel?

Laurel: Hello, friends. I've brought in a bone to pick A number one, the sugar's not coming outta this pixie stick. Do you want me to help you? I just think, I think it's too humid.

Nichole: Let me, let me just loosen this up for you. Loosen.

Laurel: Yeah. 'cause I'm gonna need to be jazzed

Daniel: for this one. There's something kind of sexy about, about Nicole offering to loosen up your pixie stick and just gradually kind of massaging it.

Nichole: Listeners, if you could see my face right? You can hear it in my voice.

Daniel: Yeah. Enough

Laurel: said

Nichole: it's not sexy.

Daniel: uh, scowling. It's the expression that you have when you give me a hand job.

Laurel: Okay. Mini bone to pick. why are men always like, wow, look at my penis.

Nichole: Hey, have you noticed my penis?

Nichole: who's Doing this to you? Besides everyone? Oh,

Daniel: that was my ventriloquism dummy. He just has the same name. I know it's confusing.

Laurel: Daniel walks into the room naked, check out Peter God, and I'm like.

Daniel: Uh, this is Rich. This is coming from, this is Rich. This is Rich. This is coming from the woman who initiates sex by cantilevering, her crotch into my face.

Laurel: a cantilever. Look at my penis, at my

Nichole: cantilever.

Laurel: My actual bone to pick is, , this all happened like about a month ago . so my partner of five years,. we, , Were co-located at the beginning of a relationship and then we cohabited for a portion of a relationship. and then I moved out of state. , and then for about the last year of our relationship, noticed some, more distance, not reaching out to me for long periods of time.

Laurel: Like I was the only one, like initiating conversations. tried to talk about it a lot. Mm-hmm. Um, tried to be like, Hey, what's going on? Are you okay? Got a lot of the, like, you know, I'm just depressed or work. Always Work, work, work, work, work, work.

Laurel: Um, work,

work, work, work, work,

Nichole: work, work. Sorry.

Laurel: So, you know, a lot of insistence that everything is fine between us. And then I am, you know, in the winter, like, okay, well let me make plans to come visit you.

Laurel: And, , we decide on a weekend that would be good. And I book the flight and then, almost exactly a week out before the flight, I mention. That I'm coming out to visit again. 'cause I'm like, Hmm. At the rate that our communication's been going, it is highly likely that he forgot. So I'm just gonna sprinkle this in there.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Uhhuh. And then I get a text a few days later that's like, Hey, phone call this weekend.

Daniel: And I got the emergency vibes via you. Yeah. Like you said to me, oh, Harry Nevada got a hold of me.

Daniel: This is,

Laurel: there's not, this is

Daniel: a, this is a twist on the name that we've, that we've given him. Harry Nevada got a hold of me and wants to do a phone date. And I could tell by the look in your eyes that this was such an unusual thing that. Maybe it was not good.

Laurel: Yeah, and to be clear, folks, it's okay if Nevada doesn't wanna shave.

Laurel: Like I do not have a problem with that. I like how you guys call it Nevada. Nevada. Nevada, that's

Daniel: the right way to say it.

Laurel: Nevada.

Daniel: We're gonna, we're gonna get some, uh, angry stubs from our new, like three listeners that we have in the state of Nevada.

Laurel: Oh, okay. Please tell us how we're doing bad. We love that.

Nichole: I mean, we did Mispronounce Melbourne for like an entire, I think, and Daniel was like, and praise me for pronouncing Melbourne. Right.

Daniel: I think it's one of those things where you don't want to go too heavy into pronouncing it with the accent of the people who live there.

Daniel: Oh,

Nichole: like Ibiza?

Daniel: Yeah. Aita. Yeah. Or if you're not from New Orleans, you don't say Nalin like, oh, I'm gonna go take a trip down to Na Orleans. This is what happens when we do a late night episode,

Laurel: late night on the pod. Anyways, had a phone date. That motherfucker broke up with me. , it was, uh, like, , you know, we've just been drifting apart over the past year.

Laurel: No shit. No fucking, we haven't been drifting apart. You have been, you have been wedging blocks into the space between us. You've been actively rowing away. Yeah. You've been, yeah. Like you're, what do you call one of those tools that you use to pry things? Open crowbar, uh, sure. Yeah.

Laurel: You've been cro barring. A space between us. You've been speculum our relationship. Oh God,

Laurel,

Daniel: now don't bring the beauty of a speculum into this. You gonna ruin speculums for us.

Laurel: I

Daniel: don't think

Laurel: that's possible. Anyways,

Laurel: my bone to pick is like, Hey, if your girlfriend is continually creating space for you to talk about the thing that clearly you wanna talk about and over the course of 12 months plus is generating opportunities.

Laurel: And you continue to dodge it. You let her book a fucking flight to your city.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: And then break up days before the trip. I can't refund that shit.

Daniel: You don't end a five year relationship over the phone.

Nichole: You gave him multiple opportunities.

Nichole: Yeah. A lot of space asked questions, but he still had to do it on his own fucking terms, which is bullshit. Such bullshit.

Daniel: Is he dead to you?

Nichole: I mean,

Daniel: My bone to pick is that he didn't even reach out to me.

Laurel: You, you were friends Yeah. he

Nichole: came to our wedding. Yeah, he came to your fucking wedding.

Nichole: There were only like 20 people there.

Daniel: Like I didn't wanna be notified beforehand, but

Nichole: Oh, there would've

Laurel: been awful. Are you kidding? Ah, that would've been funny. That would've been terrible. You call me immediately afterwards. Like, everything Okay.

Daniel: Okay. Just, just gimme a call if anything

happens.

Daniel: But he, he was like the partner of yours that I had the most longstanding and like, secure connection with.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um,

Daniel: because we were both fancy men about town, we could go out and do fancy men things.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Um, and,

Laurel: and like you would when you visited his city

Daniel: mm-hmm.

Laurel: Like without me, you would go and hang out with him

Nichole: this is a uniquely poly phenomenon, right? You share a bond with a meta that's different Yeah. Than a bond with just a friend. Yeah. And I remember Daniel, you were dating somebody one of the first like really,

Nichole: steady kind of girlfriends that you had. , and when you two broke up, I, I, it was the first time that I was like, oh, like, that also hurts me.

Nichole: So I am simultaneously, , upset and angry Yeah. At the way that he handled things.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: I'm sad for , the potential long term, like deep friendship that could have been.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Um, but honestly, I'm more just mad. I'm mad on your behalf and I'm trying really hard not to be like righteously angry.

Laurel: Maybe it was like bullshit, but you know, he started the conversation by saying like, oh, I want to deescalate. And I was like, well, what does that mean to you? Because we're, we, were, we're basically flatlined right now. So I don't know, like where this escalator, I don't know how more down this escalator can go.

Daniel: I want to go into this subbasement of our relationship.

Laurel: See, that sounds kinky. He didn't know how to answer that. I'm in the phase right now of like, do I open up lines of communication again, I don't. Like leaving things on bad terms. But also, this is probably one of the first breakup situations I've had where like, clearly the ball is in my court.

Daniel: But I think this is the time. To reconnect with him because you need the discount from generic Bay Area electronics firm.

That's true.

Daniel: For those of you just joining us, this is another pixie stick episode for Laurel. , hence the occasional work, which are spoken with an open mouth

Laurel: that I'm pouring sugar into. Yeah. That I'm pouring purple sugar into. Yeah, it's purple flavored.

Daniel: It's hot.

Laurel: Thank you.

Laurel: the other part of my bone to pick is, uh, like he didn't really seriously date anybody else until I left the city we lived in together.

Laurel: Yeah. And then. Only broke up with me after having a more consistent, I don't know how involved they actually are, because he would never talk to me about her.

Nichole: I mean, he was lying by omission.

Laurel: Yeah. Like, which was weird.

Nichole: That's weird.

Nichole: Yeah. And you gave him, again, multiple opportunities. Yeah.

Daniel: I don't think. I don't think Harry Nevada has ever taken the opportunity to talk about his feelings when offered.

Laurel: Maybe. Yeah. Unless it's about his family.

Daniel: Hmm.

Laurel: Trauma.

Daniel: My daddy was bad and my mommy was worse.

Nichole: Is this from The Bachelor? The Bachelor? The musical

Laurel: Oh, is that man, is that not, is that not in the work? Daniel, you should write that. I bet it would go big.

Daniel: Well, thank you for your bone.

Laurel: You're welcome. I'm sorry, Laurel. It's okay. I am getting over it now. I'll be less mad about it

Daniel: soon when you get a generic electronics device for half price.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah,

Laurel: it's never half price. You kidding me? At least gimme one of your 15 percenters, man. Yeah. Yeah. Am I not a 15% girl? I think I'm a 25% girl. Honestly. Yeah.

Nichole: If you're not gonna get an explanation, you at the very least deserve a discount. I at the very least, deserve a new computer.

Nichole: I think you should actually say that to him. I'm not gonna get an explanation.

Laurel: he gave me his explanation, which is a piece of shit explanation that you've been drifting apart, that we've been drifting apart

Daniel: yeah, that's like live vague booking, you know?

Laurel: Yeah, yeah. That's posting some song lyrics too. Some fucking death cab for cutie. And hoping that someone feels bad about

Nichole: what they did to you.

Nichole: Did I talk about Death Cab for Cutie on the podcast?

Daniel: Did you sleep with somebody from Death Cab for Cutie?

Nichole: No. Uh, not that one. Um, not that early Odds Indie band

Nichole: , but there's an entire song where he's like the glove compartment. Is incorrectly named or something like that because I open it and there's no gloves or like whatever the fuck.

Nichole: Right? What, and yeah, so my coworker and

I, 'cause I keep gloves in my glove compartment, , so I'm, I'm

Daniel: beginning to think that maybe Laurel did die, and this is all a hallucination, this

is some

Nichole: kind. But my, my coworker and I, when I worked at this vintage store, like this song would come on and he would come over to me in a huff and go like, fuck me.

Nichole: I mean, like. God, this guy is such an asshole. It's called the glove compartment because they used to keep driving gloves in there in the old days. Doesn't he fucking know that? And this has been a consistent thing for the last 14 years, that every time like it comes across one of our purviews, we text the other person and it is the only thing that we talk about.

Nichole: It's the only, it is the only thing.

Laurel: Are you gonna do it right

Nichole: now?

Laurel: Are you gonna text him? I am actually.

Laurel: I'm just imagining your text thread and it's just like. Bubble fucking death cab for Cutie. And then like six months later, fucking death cab for cutie.

Laurel: Try

Nichole: like two to three years. It's like, it's like there is

Laurel: some, soon it's gonna be space, somebody else's phone number. Yeah.

Nichole: But he's gonna understand what I'm talking about. He'll be, he's gonna keep it going. Yeah. Yes.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: The end

Daniel: of a relationship.

Nichole: I can't believe it's taking you like 45 minutes to finish that fucking picture stick. This is,

Laurel: it's really,

Nichole: I think I

Laurel: massage that shit. I know. And I'm massaging it again, and I think it's just the humidity, like it's really sticking together. All right. Well try Trip Tucker would be very attracted to it.

Daniel: Anyway. Yeah.

Laurel: Anyways. Anyways. What do we got next? We got a question.

Daniel: oh yeah. You know it. It's time for an ask the amateurs.

Daniel: the question this week comes to us from a stubbert on Instagram, which is another way that you can get ahold of us. Hmm. Yeah. Here is the question in question.

Laurel: Read us the question.

Daniel: Group. Sex. That's it. That's the question. What's up with that group? Sex. I have loved every experience I have had with it, but also have experienced being felt left out at the orgy. Interestingly, being left out is like one of my core wounds in friendships too. Do you think group sex can help heal those wounds if done right?

Daniel: Okay. That's my question.

Laurel: I don't think there's anything group sex can't cure.

Daniel: I love the idea that we are the doctors you go to if you want a prescription for group sex.

Nichole: I was gonna say, I feel so unqualified to answer this question 'cause I don't know that

Laurel: I feel very qualified.

Nichole: I think, I think You two can share your experiences, but I don't know that, even if I had the experiences that you had, I dunno, that I could speak to whether or not it heals core wounds.

Daniel: I mean, if is the core wound in your butt

Laurel: stop, then it's definitely not gonna heal it. Oh yeah.

Daniel: Nicole, do you wanna talk about feeling unqualified to answer various questions?

Daniel: is this a core wound that we can heal with group sex?

Laurel: Ew.

Laurel: What if we created a very safe orgy for you where you could answer any question with the utmost certainty?

Nichole: I don't know where this logic is going. I don't, I don't under, now you guys are telling did you plant this? But do you feel question, do you feel healed yet? Do, are you guys trying to, this is an intervention because I don't go to your sex parties.

Nichole: Yes,

Daniel: we're concerned with your inner wounds

Nichole: Yeah, I don't typically attend the sex parties

Daniel: it feels all the goofier when you put an article, a definite article in front of it.

Daniel: The sex, the sex parties. The sex parties.

Nichole: I just, you know, it takes a lot for me to be attracted to people.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Unless there's somebody there that I definitely wanna have sex with, then definitely.

Nichole: Yeah. Totally. Um, that I'm not, I'm just not gonna go.

Daniel: I feel like group sex is always a little bit messy. Like I think being left out is gonna happen to everybody at some point.

Daniel: I think to make sure that nobody was feeling left out in a group sex scenario. You need someone like me around to just play insecure attachment, whack-a-mole,

Nichole: uhhuh, or project manager.

Laurel: typically there needs to be a coordinator.

Laurel: Um, can we, can we call them a conductor and have them wear a little hat?

Nichole: Yeah,

Laurel: absolutely. Oh, I should have a, a train themed birthday party.

Nichole: What? Oh, Choocho conductor.

Nichole: Got it. Yeah. Yeah. So

Daniel: sex train,

Nichole: Okay. So have either of you. Found group sex healing?

Daniel: No. Here's what I'm, here's what I'm getting to is that I don't think that group sex is the sex that you go to for healing. I think you get your healing done elsewhere, and then you go to group sex when you're all healed up and you're ready to like spread your wellness around.

Daniel: Like

Nichole: that's gotta be true. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Like, it's not intimate for me, it's a, it's a convivial social engagement.

Laurel: Yeah. Convivial.

Daniel: Even in a, even in a threesome situation, I've never had an experience where I like felt deeply emotionally connected to more than one person who was present at the time. Like, it's hard to do, like to have deep, loving sex. With multiple people at the same time.

Nichole: absolutely cr I mean, one of the things,

Nichole: one of the things that I like about Threesomes is that sometimes I get to kind of take a break.

Nichole: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's the joy of like, you know, seeing two people together and like participating, like, you know, bilaterally. But it isn't something that I do when I want to feel connected to a partner necessarily. Yeah,

Laurel: definitely. It's definitely more of like a activity. Yeah.

Daniel: It's a fun activity we're gonna do. Yeah.

Laurel: It's a place where you can go and show off to yourself how comfortable you've become with Yeah. Being quote unquote left out.

Nichole: Because I feel like it's also, I don't know, again, like the giant group sex haven't done, but the threesomes I've been in and the threesomes that I have partaken in at like sex clubs, like it's performative.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: Like that's part of it is the performance piece. Mm-hmm. And performance is probably pretty inherently not like, I mean, it's a true aspect of myself, but it is not therapy.

Laurel: Yeah. Those moments Yeah. Seem much less about letting your guard down and healing your inner child than, yeah. I

Nichole: wouldn't say that it's a practice in vulnerability. Yeah. It's a practice in getting my rocks off in this very specific way.

Laurel: Yeah. I immediately like conflated like group sex and like, uh, kink and BDSM, where I think like a lot of kink can be very therapeutic in a way, but , it is not even necessarily sex, yeah. It's like the process of navigating and like communicating your way through a, a. Seen or boundaries

Nichole: Oh yeah. I mean it's a physical and a conversational and an energetic negotiation. Yeah. All the time,

Laurel: which I think that in a group scenario could be mm-hmm.

Laurel: Therapeutic, but is not the, it's not like the group sex in and of itself. It is the other project you are working on, essentially. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: if there could be a therapeutic aspect to group sex, it is the very element that this stubbert has been uncomfortable with is putting yourself in the situation of feeling left out and working with that and working with that feeling like that's the therapeutic part of group sex is learning to be at ease as an autonomous and maybe not always engaged person.

Daniel: In a group setting.

Laurel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like doing your own ERP.

Laurel: Yeah. But no one's allowed to console you.

Daniel: I feel like you're gonna, you're gonna bring this back to me later on and you'll be like, did, you said you didn't wanna be consoled at the orgy, Daniel.

Laurel: Yeah. You can't be consoled at the orgy. No crying at the orgy. You are healing now. And I'm not gonna make you feel better.

Daniel: I just remember the last time that I had, I. Like actual group scenario with you, Laurel, you were taking a nap in the chair.

Nichole: What?

Daniel: It was late night at one of our parties and it was, people started getting down with some stuff, but Laurel was super tired. And so she went and sat on the chair and like, , was kind of drifting out and once in a while it's just

Laurel: like a little silly, sleepy thing.

Laurel: I mean, that is, part of it is like, like yeah. When you can enjoy the being left out part where you're like, this is nice. I'm glad everyone's having a nice time. I don't need to do this 'cause I'm tired. Yeah.

Daniel: And then Nicole is yawning and I think you're finally starting to p her interest in group activities.

Daniel: She's like, wait, I can sleep.

Nichole: Yeah, you can just be there and just, but the thing about this is that if it's one of our parties. I was already in bed. Yeah. Like I was already actually asleep.

Laurel: Yeah, that's true. Um,

Nichole: you know, face washed teeth, brushed sleep mask on

Laurel: . I think it's a common thing to feel left out in a group scenario. even if you watch pornography. That are like group scenarios. There is usually somebody at some point pleasuring themselves or doing something goofy. Yeah. In the background.

Laurel: By goofy I mean sexy. What? I don't know. They're just like doing something like, I'm imagining helicopter dick, like holding somebody's hair. Yeah. Oh, oh yeah. I'm just saying it's a logistical fact of the situation.

Laurel: Yeah. That isn't even. Entirely avoidable, unedited pornography. That doesn't reflect reality.

Yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: So like, even, even imagination land can't avoid that reality so like, obviously it's gonna happen to regular people in real life like, it is good to figure out how to cope with that.

Daniel: What do you do

Laurel: internally? I mean a lot of it is like, you do need your own personal security, like your own sense of self-worth. , and knowing that it is not tied to this particular situation or being the best or sexiest person alive

Daniel: or the primary focus of a certain person in the group.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. If you're engaging in it with partners, like you should have an established level of security in that relationship. Mm-hmm. , 'cause it will certainly like trigger insecurity if they seem very interested in another person in the situation who isn't you. Mm-hmm. yeah. You have to just like embrace that to a degree. Even if you like,, feel shitty about it in the moment, know that like things are gonna change Yeah. A moment later. , but also if you like, been feeling left out for too long, you have to be like, Hey, can we try this now?

Mm-hmm. Mm.

Laurel: Like, you have to be willing to insert yourself, so to speak. Wink. Grab the conductor's hat. Yeah. Put on the conductor's hat. , this is really good, practical advice. Yeah. Well I think The awkward thing about group sex for a lot of people is that nobody is wearing the conductor's hat.

Laurel: And so, people, especially if they're inexperienced with it, will default to coupled situations. Mm-hmm. Because that's what you have experience with but also what is good is to come with some ideas about things you wanna do. 'cause if you're like, oh, I'm excited about like an Eiffel Tower.

Laurel: Ah,

Daniel: we don't have to do like a brainstorm before though, do we?

Laurel: No, no, no, no. But like,

Daniel: like, like a fig jam.

Laurel: Yeah. Everyone hop on the fig jam. But it like, even if you, like, if you're new enough that you don't know what you like in those situations. You should have some ideas about what you wanna try.

Mm-hmm.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Because that's gonna help you feel included.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: And if you don't have anything that you kind of want to try, like maybe that's a sign that you're not actually, that you know into it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, me if I'm feeling left out, um, what do you do? I stand up in the middle of the room and I say, look at my dick.

Laurel: Oh yeah. Classic. Yeah. You do that when it's just the two, like, I just haven't been paying attention to you for long enough.

Daniel: Or you've been paying attention to, you know, my face. And I'm like, my dick is down here.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. You're like, listen, this is lovely.

Laurel: Also exhausting. My dick is over there.

What?

Laurel: Yeah. And you point to the corner of the room and you're like. And I'm like, no, that's Peter.

Laurel (2): The ventriloquist dummy doll

Laurel: And I'm like, why did you bring the doll? Oh God, please take the doll outta the room.

Daniel: And Peter stands up on his own and

Laurel: walks out, Ooh, this makes me, is

Nichole: there

Laurel: haunted porn? Yes.

Nichole: You've thought of it. It exists. That's

Daniel: true.

Nichole: So the law of the internet,

Daniel: the, the porn actor who started following us, Uhhuh, um, tell me it

Laurel: specializes in haunted porn.

Daniel: Kind of like he's got, he's got like this new movie that's called Manhood, which I believe involves his dick getting cut off. Oh,

Daniel: Tommy Pistol, if you're out there, please come on the program and explain your. your new disturbing porn to us. Is it

Laurel: porn

Daniel: or is it just like a It's made by a porn studio.

Laurel: Okay. Definitely come and talk to us about this Tommy Pistol, because I know you're listening. And then let's do, um, a premier screening.

Nichole: May, maybe, may, maybe. I don't, I don't know about that. Well, we're, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna work.

Nichole: You're, you don't,

Laurel: you don't wanna go all in on the haunted porn.

Nichole: What you are describing does not sound like a like boo. Ah, to me. Really?

Daniel: That's the sound that I made when my dick was first cut off.

Nichole: Boo. Ah, no. It sounds more like slice. Slice, ah, to me. And I don't, for those of you at home, I don't like that. Laurel is now

Daniel: choking on her pixie stick.

Daniel: For the second time in as many weeks

Nichole: not a fan.

Daniel: Shall we

Nichole: move along?

Daniel: Oh, I think we're gonna ask the age old question. Is this poly? What is it? Today we're gonna do one singular song.

Laurel: One single song. That's unusual. Yeah. Explain yourself.

Daniel: well it's because there's only so many Polly songs in the world and we figure we're gonna run out if we keep doing three at a pop.

Laurel: What song do we have today, Daniel?

Daniel: We are going to discuss a song that is not commonly thought of as Polly, but we happen to stumble upon a ancient music video from the 1980s for this song, which maybe might ask the question. Is it Polly? We are talking, of course, Muley. God, we are talking of course, of I'm Your man by Leonard Cohen and it's

Laurel: not,

Daniel: I'm

Laurel: Your Men.

Laurel: wow. Well, uh, okay. I.

Nichole: That music video looked like a laser disc karaoke video

Daniel: I bet it was something done for Swedish television, right?

Nichole: It's ha Yes.

Nichole: Oh yeah. Yes, you're right. Yep.

Daniel: Do we wanna describe it? You are our resident plot synopsize.

Nichole: So Leonard Cohen is on a dock, um, and there are a bunch of, I was gonna call 'em sports boats, um, you know, like speedboats and, and like mm-hmm. Fun lake boats

Nichole: and he has one lady on one side and another lady on the other side, and they're just sitting on a bench on this dock and he's singing straight to camera about how he's gonna be my man. And these women are, flirting with him.

Nichole: They're walking their fingers up his head and, you know, like, touching his chin. It was, it, oh God, it was uncomfortable. Um,

Daniel: I thought it was really sweet. I thought it was like, I want that couple to be the couple that seduces me while I'm traveling. That, that couple who makes eyes at me from across the bar.

Daniel: You mean those couples?

Daniel: I, I want to be picked up by that triad is what I'm saying.

Nichole: Oh yeah, of course. Duh. One of the women was really chewing that scenery. Um, and the other was, was there, um, the one that was in the outfit that I absolutely have, which is like tight black leggings, tight black shirt, black blazer with shoulder pads, you know, the perfect boating outfit.

Daniel: I'm never gonna show you a music video for one of these. Again, you're just obsessed with the, uh, the outfits and the acting.

Nichole: I'm sorry. Like,

Daniel: One, I don't think that there's any way that Leonard Cohen was not actually sleeping with both of those people.

Nichole: Were they the backup singers for this song?

Nichole: I don't know if they were the actual backup singers. Mm.

Daniel: Yeah. They may have been lip syncing, but God, those were, those were some vibes. I was getting the vibes.

Laurel: Totally. Yeah.

Daniel: My first reaction watching this video and hearing the song, which is one of my favorite songs, I've heard it many, many times, never seen the video before.

Daniel: Having Leonard Cohen sing it to me with his poly, , my first reaction was like, oh my God, Leonard Cohen is so fucking hot. Yeah, yeah. In a really specifically Jewish way that I am like really proud of. I'm like, there, my God, there is 1980s Jewish masculinity at its finest. I wanna join his tantric cult.

Daniel: I'm convinced that he has a meditation table and a sex swing in the same room.

Laurel: Mm, yes. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. He absolutely does. And then you, you picked up several biographies of him and confirmed this.

Daniel: I don't have to, I get just like a little, a little, a little tingle in my spine that tells me it's the Jew tingle, the Jew.

Daniel: We're not making that the title of the episode? No. Laurel. Laurel. It's how we communicate with each other. Psychic. Ju tingle. Like spidey sense uhhuh. It's how we know when Antisemites surround

Laurel: No, no. That's how you know, like your, your people around.

Nichole: So I, I realized I didn't really finish describing the music video, but that's pretty much it. At one point he dances with each of them. Um, and you also see somebody diving into the lake in the background and then it pans away.

Laurel: I wanna know who that person is, diving in the background, who's telling all of their friends for the past. 40 years I was in a Leonard Cohen music

Nichole: video. Yeah. I mean, technically they're not wrong. Yeah.

Nichole: So are we talking about the song or are we talking about the music video being Polly?

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: I mean, one I just want to claim Leonard Cohen, almost all of his love songs have to do with some aspect of letting go, granting somebody the freedom that they're not getting in another relationship.

Daniel: , they all have. Intense poly vibes and you cannot really convince me otherwise. Some seem more or less explicitly about polyamory. This one. There were specifically the lines in the last verse, , if you want to work the streets alone, I'll disappear for you. Mm-hmm. and then if you wanna father for your child, or if you just want to walk with me for a while across the sand, I'm your man. It is this like openness to whatever the relationship becomes or is. Like he's always offering in these love songs like this gateway to this other world. It might not be Polly, but it's almost like he's like the fucking universal archetype of the other man, beckoning you outside of your relationship to this more liberated world.

Nichole: But the letting relationships evolve. The way that they can evolve or will evolve is an aspect of poly.

Mm-hmm. You know,

Nichole: like you could have different degrees of relationships with different people and that's one of the, that's one of the gifts.

Laurel: Yeah, there is a certain level of, like autonomy and exploration that you don't tend to get from very obviously monogamous love songs.

Nichole: Yeah. Especially from a man's point of view.

Nichole: Yeah. Typically it's like, I feel like this just turned into a chewing gum commercial.

Laurel: This was actually, this was actually, the first idea that they had for, the double mint twins.

Daniel: They're gonna do the basement slave twins.

Laurel: Who get

Nichole: let out

Laurel: every once in a while. Uh, and that's when they get to chew gum. Yeah. Like, yeah, They get gum every time they get to go outside. So they've started this like Pavlovian response. Like this is a really gum really dark

Daniel: idea. If But you know what I mean? Like most pop songs are pretty possessive. Yeah. Um, and this one is very much like, whatever you wanna do, baby. I'm game. Yeah. I'm here.

Laurel: If you are baby on my left hand side, or if you're baby on my right hand side.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: They're both baby.

Daniel: Everybody's baby.

Nichole: So is this Polly?

Daniel: I'm gonna say yes. I'm gonna grab it by the horns and , claim it as Polly. . One of us. One of us. He was never married.

Nichole: So you're not just claiming the song as Polly, you're claiming Leonard Cohen as Polly.

Daniel: Yeah. I'm doing exactly the thing which you've always feared, at least since the last episode when you were concerned about whether or not Leonard Bernstein was Polly or the movie was Polly.

Daniel: And I am going to reach through the song and say both the song and Leonard Cohen, Polly,

Laurel: you heard it here first folks. We say that a lot. I mean, we're on the cutting edge of journalism.

Nichole: Postulating the dead Leonards or poll Yeah.

Gets you dead. Leonard News gets Leonard News.

Laurel: Wait, what's our, our sne, what's next week's Dead Leonard. Oh, the

Nichole: Dead

Laurel: Leonards. That's a

Nichole: good name for a band.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: But

Nichole: each person has to really kind of like embody a Leonard. Leonard Bernstein. Leonard Cohen. Leonard. Lenny from of Mice of Men.

Daniel: Lenny's are a completely different flavor.

Daniel: You You got Lenny from Mice of Men, Lenny from Lenny and Squigy. Lenny from The Simpsons. These are all very different than your Leonard Bernsteins or your Leonard Cohen's.

Nichole: Very true. But do we know any other Leonards? Is there any

Laurel: other Leonard? Is there any other public figure?

Laurel: I'm Googling

Daniel: Famous Leonard Fame. Oh, Nemo.

Oh

Daniel: shit. Fuck. I didn't even have to Google that. I just started typing in the muscle memory came up in my brain.

Laurel: No, it was your Jew sense. It was the Jew tingle. You got the Jew tingle.

Nichole: All right, so that's based. Guitar drums,

Daniel: and then we just fill out the rest of the band with Lenny's.

Nichole: All right. Laurel is this Polly.

Laurel: like, I wanna say maybe, but I, I hate, I hate the cop out of a maybe answer. Mm-hmm. Um,

Laurel: I, like, I would've had a much harder time without the music video going to poly land. ' cause I think the, like, you know, if you wanna, cruise the street alone, you know, there's other interpretations that you could make that are less Polly. Mm-hmm. then you just sitting down with two ladies on the dock, sitting on the dock of the bay. I knew that was going on with two ladies that really slay.

Daniel: There was a, there was a twinkle in his eye too, as he was going back and forth with them. Yeah. And it was more than a like, look at these two ladies that I'm like banging. It was like, it's not like a rockstar showboat. It's like a, I

Laurel: have a secret.

Daniel: We are all loving each other.

Laurel: Sure. Why not? Yeah, I mean, I would like to claim Leonard code.

Nichole: I mean, I gotta say yes because of the music video. Yeah. And elements of the song,

Nichole: I think the two ladies, and Leonard were gonna have a fine time that night.

Laurel: Yeah. And a romantic time

Daniel: they're gonna go and, uh, have a nice glass of wine in a, in a cozy fire lit room somewhere. Do you drink wine? I will for Leonard Cohen.

Laurel: Oh, if Leonard takes you out, you'll drink wine. I'll, but not if I take you out.

Daniel: Fun fact.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Before Leonard Cohen was famous as a songwriter, he was the poet laureate of Canada.

Daniel: Handing the segue po po. Poet Laureate of Canada. Canada.

Laurel: Canada. Hey Canada.

Laurel: It's time for a read alert.

Laurel: Read alert. Our segment where we reach out to places where we see we have like small concentration of listeners we reach out to them, touching them, touching us. Sweet Canada.

Laurel: Do we have a state in Canada or is it just Canada in general?

Daniel: So Canada. canada, you have, done really, really well and you have pulled ahead.

Daniel: As our number two country after the United States for listenership number one country in just overall vibe and policy. Please let us, please let us immigrate,

Laurel: help us Canada help,

Nichole: Alright, , so do we have an idea of how many listeners are there?

Nichole: you don't have to answer that. I was just, you know what, it's personal. Actually keep it to yourself. No, I was just, I was just wondering.

Nichole: So it, it, it's no longer a small concentration.

Daniel: It is no longer a small concentration and we are in most of the provinces of Canada.

Nichole: Okay. So then most provinces of Canada, we need at least

Laurel: one from each province.

Nichole: If you want to reach out, you better do it soon.

Nichole: 'cause somebody else might beat you to it.

Daniel: Yeah. And if you're extra charming and fun and want to tell us stories about polyamory in your corner of Canada,

Nichole: I'm just very curious about what, , Canadian polyamory is like,

Daniel: it's very polite.

Daniel: Um, And it is not lost on US Canada. What a strange moment this is to be trying to communicate and reach out with our slutty love across the border.

Laurel: If there is any moment, it is this moment. Yeah. We need to band together to defeat fascism. Yeah. So please, please reach out to us. Please write to us at poly amateur hour@gmail.com. Together

Daniel: we promise to keep the flow of poly amateur hour moving over the border with no tariffs whatsoever.

Daniel: Yeah,

Nichole: and we can keep you anonymous if you want to be anonymous. So, you know, just please, please reach out.

Daniel: We can plug your sex club if you run a sex club.

Nichole: I mean, I guess that too.

Daniel: Yeah. I'm trying to, I'm trying to think of the opposite of anonymous. Like, like somebody who's just does is doing something super, super, fun time, sex circus and is like, oh no. Now

Nichole: I want them to be a politician. Now I want,

Laurel: if you're in Canadian politics, please reach out to us. We're gonna blow your shit up.

Daniel: If you were a prime minister, that is preparing to step down after many years in office.

Nichole: Oh yeah,

Daniel: please.

Nichole: We all know he's hot. We all know we can't ignore it.

Daniel: We can't ignore it. Yeah. We don't know how you feel about his actual performance as a head of state, but um, as a state of head.

Nichole: I think I can hear them groaning in Canada.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Where are we? Oh, I've died and gone to heaven.