Nichole: Daniel convinced me that couches would be a good idea because we'd have boom mics.

Nichole: Yeah, it's a great idea.

Nichole: I

Laurel: just,

Nichole: feel like this space

Laurel: is so small. It's small, but it's not being used very wisely right now.

Daniel: I could say the same thing about myself.

Nichole: Yes, yes. , I was cleaning out this basement. Like the other day, Uhhuh and I came across all of those photos that we did. Oh yeah. And that sexy photo shoot. Yeah. And how you generously framed all of them. Yeah. And gave them to Daniels

Laurel: a gift.

Nichole: Yeah. They're beautiful. Like seventies esque frames. Yeah. And they're super hot photos and like, should we

Laurel: put them up somewhere? I mean, that was around here. That was the idea when I gifted them to Daniel because they're just sitting in a pile in the corner.

Daniel: I can't remember. Did you crop out your ex?

Nichole: Yeah, she's, yes. She's not in any of 'em.

Daniel: Fantastic.

Nichole: Alright. Yeah. Yeah. What, what if you think

Laurel: I came doing, did you

Daniel: Photoshop me to make me look as skinny as I am now?

Laurel: No, I didn't do anything to them.

Daniel: Nicole, you and me, we need to get married again so that I can be skinny in those pictures.

Nichole: Right.

Nichole: Me too.

Daniel: We need to do the sexy photo shoot again. Skinny in those. And then I am going to, , total recall your memory of meeting me.

Laurel: Oh, I don't remember that. Anyway. Do you think I'm some kind of fat phobic freak? I just have this ingrained memory of fat Daniel and I can't get it outta my mind and I'm disgusted.

Daniel: I just need to externalize on my fat phobia. I can't carry the burden. , The weight is too heavy.

Nichole: What was your guys' first date?

Laurel: We just went to the Red fox for drinks.

Daniel: Oh, yeah.

Daniel: We had french fries. We got over like a, like pretty shabby french fry experience

Laurel: Yeah. I don't remember them being very great. I have since been back there. And they do have good burgers. They do have

Nichole: good burgers, but, but you have to get the

Laurel: junior burger.

Nichole: Yes. Because it doesn't come with bacon and like blue cheese and all this bullshit. Yes.

Nichole: All this stuff on it. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: The baby burger. Right. To babies.

Daniel: The essential burger. It's burger without bullshit.

Laurel: Well, it's like when the movie theater started calling like an extra large sized popcorn. A medium popcorn.

Laurel: Yeah. It's like that. It's like to make you feel better about like the gluttony you're about to partake in, or it's like, this is normal. This is the regular one If you want what was once thought to be a regular burger, you have to order the junior burger

Daniel (2): and then at the movie theater they try and convince you that you're making a bad economic decision.

Daniel (2): They're like, it's only like 5 cents more for the super large.

Nichole: But then they also have the candy bags that say shareable. Oh yeah. Now that is such bullshit. If I'm buying if bag of candy, I'm not sharing that shit.

Nichole: That is for my car. For me. This is alone.

Laurel: Nicole is her breakup kandy and her car kandy.

Nichole: I have my alone foods. I have my car candy.

Laurel: Like this is, this is just who I am. This is reminding me that I, I went on a date to the movies, and he got like a bag of like peanut m and ms. Mm-hmm. And like, put them down on the ground next to him.

Laurel: Like didn't wanna hold them. Yeah. The whole movie. And then went searching for them and they like fell over. So a few like spilled.

Daniel: I am in great suspense now I am a little bit afraid. And

Laurel: then he is like, oh shit. And then like went like, I'll pick it up to stop this from happening.

Laurel: And then all of this, oh shit. So you just hear the like trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle of M and MSS rolling

Nichole: down the slope of the movie. See, the second you said he put it on the ground. I was like, why? Why, why would you do that? That's a $17 bag of peanut m ms.

Daniel: I thought this was gonna go super dark and he was gonna pick it up and eat it.

Laurel: The M'S off the ground. Off ground. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought that's

Daniel: Like the end of the day, you

Laurel: just, no, no, I just get up and leave in the middle of the movie. Yeah. Don't care how weapons end. I'm inside. So I had to like, I'd be like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Don't worry, I'm not coming back. You

Nichole: announced the entire theater.

Nichole: I'm not coming back. And it's not because of this movie, it's 'cause of this man

Laurel: eating, eating m and ms off the ground of a movie theater. Everyone look at him,

Nichole: Welcome to Poly Amateur Hour. I'm Laurel,

Daniel: I'm Daniel, I'm Nicole. I am so, so tired lately. I do not know what it is.

Laurel: Maybe it's the weather changing. Oh.

Daniel: See, I thought that I got like a secret COVID.

Laurel: You always think you

Nichole: have secret. You always think that

Laurel: secret

Nichole: COVID.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. That I just didn't notice. I was like, Hey, maybe I had COVID last week and that's why I'm tired.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: But I had a few like COVID, not COVID Ds before I got COVID. Yes. COVID.

Laurel: You don't know that

Daniel: I was absolutely exposed to your COVID and, and I was exposed to your COVID.

Laurel: We were dating when I had COVID.

Laurel: Yeah.

Laurel: I don't remember. 'cause you were fat then. Blocked that all out.

Nichole: I mean, I have some pretty dark theories as to why you're tired, but Oh, we don't have to go into it. Is he possessed? Yeah. No, I'm just really afraid we have mold. Oh. I'm having the mold people come out. Oh really? To do some testing. Yeah.

Daniel: Are you not gonna tell her you don't have bold the way that you just told me you didn't have COVID?

Laurel: No. 'cause Nicole doesn't have OCD. Yeah.

Daniel: I feel like the jury's out on that.

Nichole: I think I'm probably a little bit spectrum.

Daniel: Oh, interesting. I've never heard you admit that before, but you've thought it Yeah, I I've never heard that. I've never heard that coming. Not from inside my own mind.

Laurel: Interesting.

Nichole: Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm very blunt about things and like I think that I can be very rigid until I'm not.

Laurel: You and Annie did find out you both have that calendar. The brain calendar. That's

Nichole: what started me thinking like, maybe interesting. but I did also text my best friend like a couple weeks ago. I was like, do you think we're on the spectrum at all?

Nichole: And she was like, oh, I've always thought that.

Daniel: Wait, wait. So you can only ask your friend if like she is involved in it too. 'cause like, we're in this together. Are we on the spectrum?

Nichole: No, it's not that. It's just that she's known me for 25 plus years and like, we also heavily identify with each other. Yeah.

Daniel: You just have so much in common that there's no way that you could possibly be on different ends of the spectrum, like.

Nichole: I don't know. This is a burgeoning theory.

Nichole: Okay. I have no idea how to diagnose or what to do with this information, even if it's, if it's information at all. I don't know.

Daniel: Should we start a new segment where we just amateur diagnose each other,

Nichole: amateur diagnose ourselves? I feel like that's safer to do because I can't, I can't imagine how many accusations of narcissism are gonna come my way if we diagnose each other.

Nichole: I,

Daniel: I do not think you're a narcissist. I know. And frankly, it's a little self-centered of you to think that.

Laurel: Oh

Daniel: boy.

Laurel: I I think it's dangerous with Daniel because I think that you, , overly caus it when there are correlations.

Daniel: I've also just ingested a really unhealthy and, , almost professional grade amount of WebMD during my life.

Nichole: that's part of what makes me not wanna Google this

Laurel: mm-hmm.

Nichole: Is that I feel like the internet just fills in the holes that you have.

Laurel: Yeah. Not in

Nichole: a sexy way, I mean, I've told stories before on this podcast of like being obsessive about a diagnosis that like, wasn't actually what I had mm-hmm.

Nichole: But going full hog into like the influencer sphere just to try and like fix myself.

Laurel: Diving into the depths of the internet has helped with like the perimenopause stuff.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. But I'm realizing like a lot of the difference is none of what I'm finding has to do with influencers. That's good. Like it is personal experience stuff plus like. Studies mm-hmm. That I'm finding, or like Specifical, specifical or Specifical or national, uh,

Daniel: national,

Laurel: national like Health Institute since

Nichole: I, Speaking of studies and adding extra syllables to words. Oh yeah.

Daniel: Oh. Are we gonna discuss polyamory?

Nichole: No, I think we're going to discuss, poly in public invasion of provi. Hell yeah.

Daniel: That's how the song goes.

Nichole: so I found this article by Googling Polyamory in the News, it's an article from The Guardian that is, , talking about this study that was done, headline, this article, Non-Monogamous as Happy in Their Love Lives as Traditional Couples, study Researchers Say Findings, challenge Myth about Monogamy, while also showing no significant gap in sexual satisfaction.

Nichole: So this is a study coming out of Latrobe University,

Daniel: which sounds kind of dirty on its own sounds like probe.

Laurel: it's just like a bunch of like aliens that just were like, we wanna probe people, but they, they just change a couple of letters around.

Daniel: We're gonna have to do a polyamory study. It's the only people that are willing to have so many different holes probed.

Nichole: Oh god. All right. Non-monogamous people are just as happy in their love lives as those with only one partner, but are not significantly more sexually satisfied than traditional couples. Research suggests. Significantly. Yeah. Significantly, as in quotes, not significantly more sexually satisfied.

Daniel: I was a little bit perturbed at the way that this is being presented as though one, the surprising part is that we're not.

Daniel: More unhappy. And two, the surprising part isn't being framed, that we aren't way, way, way happier.

Nichole: let me read a little bit further. Polyamory open relationships and swinging are among the many forms of consensual non-monogamy.

Nichole: Polyamory has been increasingly mainstream with a recent poll showing that one in 25 Britons have experienced it.

Nichole: Um, a further one in 14 said they would be open to exploring it, and the authors of a new study said their findings challenged what they call a prevailing one size fits all approach to relationships, showing that contentment is not inextricably linked to monogamy.

Nichole: Our findings show that non-monogamous individuals experience, relationship and sexual satisfaction on par with those in monogamous relationships, challenging the myth that monogamy is inherently superior.

Nichole: So the myth that monogamy is inherently superior feels odd to me. don't know that I would ever think of it as superior. I would think of it as the status quo or the norm.

Daniel: I feel like this is a straw man argument, and I feel like it's being set up by the people who are running the study, the aliens, the Latrobe, because there are a bunch of poly freaks themselves, and there, this is their way of like, there has been a prevailing myth that monogamy is superior.

Daniel: But look, it's not

Laurel: I don't think there's a lot of like discourse about monogamy being superior because it is the status quo But there's a lot of parallels between the way people perceive non-monogamy and the way people perceive queerness. Mm-hmm.

Laurel: And a lot of the arguments around sexual queerness is that you are mentally unwell, , or going against God.

Daniel: It's not so much an assumption, that monogamy is superior so much as it is assumption that non-monogamy is inferior. It's the villainization of non-monogamy. Yes. We're all ugly, we're all, , sleazy.

Laurel: ,

Laurel: and also there's something wrong with you.

Laurel: you have daddy and or mommy issues, you have commitment issues. Like there is something that you need some kind of Mental health help with, to cure you of

Daniel: your non-monogamy. , Do you think that this is the case? Because it's a lot easier to argue about something being bad than it is to actually back up and show why whatever the thing you have monogamy, for instance, is good, , If your argument doesn't have anything to stand on, right, like data about monogamy being better, you can at least cough up a lot of like, abstract attacks on non-monogamy or queer people, because

Daniel: straight monogamous people are both, poor dressed and happier than, , non-monogamous queer people.

Daniel: Like what do they actually have? Like clearer tax codes?

Nichole: I, as much as this study and article is like in favor of non-monogamy, I still do take issue with the superiority. 'Cause I also experience it the other way. I experience monogamous people telling me, wow, you're so evolved. And they're right, but we've said from the beginning at this podcast, like it's not necessarily a better way of like having relationships.

Nichole: It's just a different way of having relationships.

Laurel: Yeah. It's a weird thesis or argument to present. Like you could say that any other way than the myth of monogamous superiority. You could just say challenging mainstream opinions that like polyamorous people are less happy.

Laurel: And

Daniel: that's the part that's like the straw man argument for me is like, why is this superiority? Like why is the crux of it happiness? Like I have never heard that monogamous people are happier

Laurel: Yeah. I don't know that I've heard happier, but I think that there is a prevailing idea that they're more, well, that they are healthier in some sort of ambiguous sense of it.

Laurel: Not just 'cause they're not riddled with STIs.

Daniel: Riddled with STIs.

Laurel: Oh, they are. They just don't know it.

Laurel: but yeah, it's sensational. I feel like it is sensational for that good, good grant money. I don't know.

Nichole: There's also no link to the study. Mm-hmm.

Multiple: Um, but it was suspicious

Nichole: published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Nichole: So I think it was, there's also the, , the sexual satisfaction Oh. Piece that they're, yes. They're probably really focusing on, which again, I don't know if it does a disservice to non-monogamy, but there is that prevailing idea that like, non-monogamous people are just slutty.

Nichole: And that non-monogamy doesn't extend past the bedroom.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. Now, now I feel bad for thinking that these researchers are trying to get us to join their poly Cool.

Laurel: They might be, I feel like maybe this is a. a poorly written article about a dubious research endeavor.

Nichole: It's not wild.

Nichole: 'cause this is from The Guardian. Really?

Nichole: And I have another article Ooh, to share with y'all.

Nichole: That is fucking wild.

Daniel: Oh, the riches.

Nichole: two articles in one week.

Daniel: it's more than I've read all year.

Nichole: So you got the Guardian, right? Mm-hmm.

Nichole: so on the other side of that, we have the New York Post. Mm-hmm. And, , this was an article that was published like last week, and the headline reads, millennial Woman dates other people while her boyfriend waits at home For her,

Nichole: I felt like I was doing something wrong.

Daniel: Okay. So I think that this article, if I,, heard correctly was actually put together by a nonprofit organization called Cuck Watch. Oh God. It's

Nichole: a sponsored

Daniel: article.

Laurel: I know. There's actually a GoFundMe

Nichole: for this gentleman. Yeah.

Daniel: This is content that is specifically tailored for people who are looking to call people cucks. Whenever we like do like advertisements to the wider Instagram mm-hmm.

Daniel: Population, like the comments that we'd get back are, uh, it's just glorified cook.

Multiple: Ugh God,

Daniel: you know, which is specifically , used to shame men who have. Women partners who have multiple

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Partners.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: It's a really interesting, like selective attack on non-monogamy is like just attacking the men who let other men come in, impregnate their curd.

Nichole: Ugh. God. Yeah. Okay. Talk about being an open book. Although polyamorous relationships aren't as taboo as they once were.

Nichole: One couple revealed the dynamics of their open relationship that has people scratching their heads.

Daniel: Yeah. Everybody at the water cooler at work was talking about this. It was like the, the most recent episode of Severance and like, and this and this, this one couple's relationship.

Nichole: Fernanda Fabian revealed that she and her boyfriend Michael have an agreement where she's allowed to go out and date other people while he stays at home.

Daniel: Is she only allowed to go out and date other people while he stays at home? Yes. I know. Like does he

Nichole: required to stay at home alone? We'll see if this is revealed. The couple agreed on this eye raising setup early in their relationship, and it seems to work for them despite some jealous feelings in the beginning while it works for the duo.

Nichole: Now, there were moments in the early stages where Fabian felt quite guilty about exploring other connections. When I started having feelings for other people, at first I felt like I was doing something wrong. She told me to know who knows what that is. These didn't impact how I felt about Michael. If anything, I became more appreciative of him.

Nichole: Now I only feel guilty if I feel like I've compromised my relationship for someone else.

Daniel: Who the fuck are these people? It reminds me of like one of those onion articles that's like area artist not talented enough to justify quirks.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Like did they find these people with like man on the street interviews

Nichole: I have no clue.

Nichole: I

Daniel: think

Nichole: that they're probably influencers.

Daniel: They couldn't have found him with man on the street because he's at home. He's at home.

Nichole: Yeah. And she's speaking for him when she says he doesn't experience jealousy anymore because he feels secure in our connection. Just like we haven't heard from him.

Nichole: Yeah. Um, yet in this, Nope. It's just her. although Fabian goes out and has her fun, Michael isn't as keen on following suit. A part of me wants him to have that experience because I know how fulfilling it can be and in some ways even addictive in our relationship. Ugh. She expressed, I'm pretty sure.

Nichole: Wait, did she express the, ugh, that was editorializing for the word addictive? I'm pretty sure I would experience some jealousy though, but those feelings would eventually go just like they did with him. She said,

Laurel: The first quote where it says she told. Need to know or whatever makes me think that whoever wrote this article found these quotes somewhere else and has just written an article around it. Like on Reddit?

Nichole: This is journalism now. It's just rehashing of other people's work. Question mark. Question.

Daniel: I don't know if anybody was ever under the impression that anything in the New York Post was journalism.

Nichole: True.

Daniel: I just wanna know where we can get our relationships written up in a tabloid.

Laurel: I know. Should we just start sending press releases to the New York Post?

Daniel: Yeah. Let's send em to the weekly World News like Bat Boy in a throuple.

Laurel: Why do you get to be the center of this?

Nichole: Yeah. If anybody gets to be Bat boy, it's Laurel. Yeah.

Daniel: You're bat. How do you know that you weren't Bat Boy? You made a gesture like you were Bat Boy. It was a gesture to the universe.

Nichole: She loves bats. She looks great in a bald cap.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: These are all

Daniel: her traits. Yes. That exist.

Laurel: Tell me about your partner,

Daniel: Laurel.

Daniel: Well,

Laurel: she likes bats. And have you seen her in a bald cap?

Nichole: Yeah. So this article was just fucking wild. Wait, was that all of it? That's pretty much it.

Laurel: have so many questions. Like we were asking like, does he have to stay home? Does Michael have to stay home Unless she goes on on dates? It sounds vaguely like he doesn't care to date, they say, he's not as keen on it.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Which to be fair, like Yeah, during the beginning of our relationship, Daniel and I, yeah. I wasn't that keen to date because men are awful. Yeah.

Daniel: And you know, I would go out on dates. Nicole would stay home alone and then occasionally like burglars would try to break into the house.

Daniel: She would set up a series of brutal booby traps

Laurel: involving tar and feathers.

Nichole: Supers need to know that you've never actually seen home alone.

Daniel: True stupids already know that. I've never seen Home alone.

Nichole: You've got The highlights, correct? Yeah.

Daniel: Stewards. If you did not know that I have not seen Home Alone, you need to one.

Daniel: Go watch Home Alone and then two tell you about it. Yes.

Laurel: Send Daniel, plot details of both Home Alone and the Sandlot so he can keep up with Nicole and I.

Laurel: Yeah, so good job. New York Post.

Nichole: I'm just gonna exit, I'm gonna x out of this

Daniel: before it damages your algorithm.

Nichole: Yeah. And I'm gonna, oh no, now I have the spinning wheel. Okay. I'm just gonna close my laptop. I'm gonna chuck this, chuck that into the ocean.

Daniel: that has been another scintillating edition of Polly in public invasion of provi.

Daniel: And I do feel like, you know, the only provi that was being invaded right now is, uh, what's his name? Michael.

Nichole: Michael, yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Like he's just trying to chill at home, man. Like he's just trying to watch some fucking Star Trek while is Yeah. Gals out getting banged. Come on. Leave him the fuck alone.

Daniel: He's got his fucking alone candy, you know?

Nichole: Yeah, yeah. He probably has his alone food. Yeah. And if it's wings. Hey, Michael, do you wanna talk about it?

Daniel: Are you trying to, are you trying to pick up on Michael? You're like, Hey, we have similar interest of staying home and eating candy.

Laurel: We've projected all of that on him.

Laurel: Yeah. Because he said nothing in the entire article. Exactly.

Daniel: , Speaking of, , projecting our own desires mm-hmm. Onto people who we don't know, I think that we're gonna get a chance to do that today in our next segment.

Daniel: Everybody gasp.

Nichole: if it is what I think it is, I'm very excited.

Daniel: today we have our first ever Stubbert provided. Spit toasting.

Daniel: Yay.

Laurel: Yay. Okay. I was thinking about this 'cause like both Nicole and I are very excited about this and I was playing out this scenario in my head as I do when I walk the dog, about Nicole and I both being really excited about this and, and then like making a joke about how Daniel's not as excited about it.

Laurel: And Daniel being like, I'm excited about it, and then realizing that I don't really know what it looks like when Daniel is really excited about something.

Daniel: What,

Laurel: like what was the last thing you're really excited about

Daniel: John Billingsley?

Laurel: You were dressed as a Dabo wheel at the time

Daniel: are we gonna have a little side quest here, you guys coming up? We're gonna have an episode with the John Billingsley who played the one polyamorous character in all of Star Trek, Dr.

Daniel: Flocks on an episode of Poly Amateur Hour.

Nichole: So, Laurel, this is it. This is him being excited. He, he's got wide eyes, Uhhuh, he has his arms outstretched. Mm-hmm. Like he's outstretched, uh, like he's at a pulpit Oh, don't, don't

Daniel: Christianize this.

Laurel: Don't Christianize this. You did it yourself. You did it. You're the one leading this sermon.

Daniel: I'm not excited about it now. I was excited when he said that he would be on the, the episode. You're not excited about

Laurel: it now.

Daniel: I'm over it. Fuck it. Whatever.

Daniel: So a little bit of history for this edition of Spit Toasting.

Laurel: Oh, you want Oh, us to say it?

Daniel: Yeah. I think this whole thing, we should take it a little bit like a Seder story and we gotta pass around, pass around, pass around. Pass the prayer book around.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So a while back, , in the Bring me my breakup candy episode, , we had an ask the amateurs from Mr.

Laurel: Stubbert, , regarding HPV. And in that segment we told the Stubbert that they should have their partner listen to the episode and then send us, , a bunch of compliments as part of a spit toasting. Also known as affirmation Buki.

Nichole: Yes. So very quickly, spit toasting is when we say really nice things Yeah.

Nichole: About each other or an individual. Yes. And this particular super because of a recent diagnosis. They were feeling a little left out. They were feeling a little anxiety. but they had mentioned their partner was very supportive of them. Mm-hmm. And we knew that we could take advantage of the support for content

Laurel: like the good little leeches.

Laurel: We are

Daniel: And my only regret is that we are not going to be able to see the growing discomfort of our target stubbert. Yeah. As the compliments accumulate like come upon his face. Oh

Nichole: boy.

Daniel: Who we, if you think that's dirty, wait till you hear the actual spit toasting that his partner has sent in.

Laurel: Who wants to start? I can start. Great. Hey, chuckles and Les. I am the nesting partner of the Stubbert. Am I saying that right? Yes, you are. That wrote in on episode number 46. Bring me my breakup candy.

Daniel: Thank you for identifying the episode.

Laurel (2): Yeah. And your plan worked. He played the episode for me and now you are stuck with me as per your request, I am delighted at the opportunity to arc my rope of bonk juice into his face- glazing affirmation session.

Laurel (2): Okay.

Nichole: But first I would be remiss if I did not. Thank you so much for the answer you gave in response to gossip Girls question.

Daniel: So many references. I know.

Daniel: I love it. To the episode for the stupids out there, this Stewart had signed his original letter. X xo, xo, something like this. Yeah,

Nichole (2): yeah. it had real and visible impact on him and how he is navigating the situation, and it was a very sweet experience to hear you all answer his question through such empathetic and holistic lens from his super hot NBA fab partner. Thank you for the care with which you handled his dilemma.

Daniel: You can tell that Nicole has a history in theater because she, instead of saying, he actually just did the sound effect of the throat clearing,

Nichole: I'm not gonna apologize for it.

Daniel: I, I wouldn't want you to, now. Just like grandma used to say onto the buki in no particular order. Here is a small fraction of the wonderful traits. This particular stub exhibits. He's fucking hot. I don't mean I like him. So I think he's pretty. I mean, knock down, drag out, inhumanely, gorgeous, lost in his eyes, daily smile that goes all the way up. Muscles that rival every Chris in the Marvel universe, and not a single inch of this man could be described as the usual, quite frankly.

Daniel: None of us stand a chance.

Laurel: I wanna know more about the inhumanity of his gorgeousness. What does

it mean

Laurel: it's a crime? I feel degraded already.

Daniel: I often want to use terms displaying my own pain and the beauty of others. I kind of have to sometimes self-censor when I'm talking to people like, you know, online.

Daniel: You know, and say just how excruciatingly gorgeous you are. You know?

Nichole: Is there a term for that? Like the pain you feel at looking at such a beautiful person? 'cause it's like at once admiration, but it's also just like, God, your beauty just like hits me in a way that I physically feel it. Yeah.

Daniel: I just call it my wife, Nicole,

Nichole: stop.

Nichole: Aw, this is not my spit toasting and we're never having one for me again.

Laurel: All right. All right. He is genuinely one of the kindest people I have ever met. For context. For context, I am not young. I am not inexperienced, and above all, I am not a warmhearted person who is one over easily. Are you me? Yeah.

Laurel: That's what I thought when I first read this. One of my favorite ways to experience him is to stand back and watch other people encounter his big heart.

Laurel: It is immediately apparent to each person that crosses his path that he could not be paid to wish harm on a single soul.

Laurel: This radiates out of him in a constant and shockingly steady stream of generosity, warmth, softness, and intuitive gentleness. He actually wants good things.

Daniel: Aw. I I like , the hidden metaphors here too, where it feels like even what you're describing from him feels like buki.

Laurel: Aw, that yeah, it's true. Yeah. You know, steady stream. Mm-hmm. Warmth, softness, intuitive gentleness. That's how I would describe cu.

Daniel (2): Now, do you know that he could not be paid to harm others because you've tried? Are you only saying this because you know that we do not have enough money here at Poly Amateur Hour to, to meet the price of his harming others?

Nichole: All right. He is of the highly intelligent ilk. Not only does he have a deep and wide formal education, but he's shrewdly observant and catches details that escape the rest of us. He reads like a fish has the vocabulary of an encyclopedic chimney. And while us mortals are putting two and two together, he is quantum leaping through facts, figures, and storyscapes.

Nichole: I do not have the words or time for the best part. He uses this power for good cut with the aforementioned kindness. This vast and varied mother load of knowledge is used strictly as a means to light paths and break barriers for others, never once to condescend or serve ego. .

Nichole: And yes, ladies and ladies. Keep a change of undies on you because he works in social justice. Wow.

Daniel: as I said, like I don't know whether or not I want a bone Stubbert or Stu wants removed more. How can we get these people into our Pollock Hill

in February? We will be going to Secrets Hideaway and kissing me Florida,

Daniel: kissing me in Florida, kissing me wherever you want.

Nichole: Boy. Stu once removed you say that he has an encyclopedic chimney, but if I could just like digress for just a minute

mm-hmm.

Nichole: Your use of language to describe your partner is. Incredible. It feels like poetry.

Laurel: Hmm.

Daniel: All right.

Daniel: He is funny as hell, sense of humor that true to his brand is disarmingly quick and absolutely refuses to punch down. He does not give into the temptation to lead with this gift either.

Daniel: He's judicious and exacting with his timing.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Again, a little, little lash of the, of the tongue belt right there. Feels good. This diligence pays off in some of the most uniquely tailored and inexplicably side splitting deliveries I have ever witnessed. The result is execution of wit, so expertly crafted and divinely timed that when the comedic stars align, all that is left for him to do is utter align, as mundane as the phrase three point turn.

Daniel: And just like that, he has changed my entire orientation to jokes as a concept and humanity as a whole. He is fucking hilarious

Nichole: still. Stu, how you

Laurel: doing? You doing okay? You hanging in there? Do you need some candy? You little candy? Are you crying yet? Are you listening to this in front of your partner?

Daniel: I hope the partner that they did not tell him necessarily that they were doing this in definite terms and that this will just hit our stubbert in the face, like an unexpected load of love and affirmation.

Laurel: Oh.

Daniel: quick question.

Laurel: Yes

Daniel: to Stubbert and Stubbert once removed. the context for the jokes. Do you make jokes during sex? Please write in and let us know if you make jokes during sex. You know, me and Laurel, I feel like that's when we're, we're on Spotlight shines.

Daniel: I think we're always on. Yeah. But you know, we throw a banana peel in the bed before we start just for the Pratt fall. Yeah. Daniel

Nichole: needs validation that he's not the only person. Yeah. Who's texting sex.

Daniel: I'm trying to figure out if this is the like real special context that you're talking about, that you know.

Daniel: Oh, like it's judiciously timed, like right before you. Now I'm trying to

Laurel: imagine what a three point turn is in sex.

Nichole: I have a feeling that these jokes are judiciously timed throughout the day. In any context, you know, I don't think it's just sex.

Daniel: Well, not just sex. Oh, it's never just sex.

Nichole: It's never just sex. Not between these. Stu, are you kidding? No.

Laurel: All right. In the interest of time, I will leave you with a list of honorable mentions, but know that is only because I guess I have to share the airwaves.

Laurel: Here goes. He is dedicated, charming,

Daniel: reliable,

Laurel: physically intelligent, emotionally attuned. Inquisitive. Principled, loving.

Daniel: Endlessly sweet.

Laurel: Actually interesting.

Nichole: Oh, responsible,

Daniel: goofy,

Laurel: thoughtful.

Daniel: Trustworthy, wildly patient, dedicated to his family, friends, and community.

Daniel: Alright, sure.

Laurel: self-sacrificing

Daniel: gracious.

Nichole: Sex Olympian. Radically open to learning new things.

Daniel: Never tells anyone what to do, but really good at it when explicitly asked and carefully negotiated.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Legitimately and visibly. Hates the patriarchy.

Laurel: Drives a cool car

Daniel: dog, parent of the year at least 35 years running. That's an old dog.

Smells great. Puts the toilet seat down. Beautiful singing voice,

Nichole: calls his mom sophisticated palette, but loves a movie theater. Nacho.

Daniel: Excellent taste in decor, athletic, nerdy, makes a mean cup of tea.

Laurel: loves doing laundry. And you guys, he buys me

Nichole: flowers like all the time.

Multiple: Aw. Aw.

Daniel: Now do we do this last one in unison? Not unless we wanna ruin this. Yeah.

Nichole: And darling? Yes. Not you and darling, because I know you are listening and likely working hard not to believe too much of this. Please listen again and on the second, listen, keep this fact in the forefront of your mind. Above all, I am not a warm hearted person who has won over easily, but having had the privilege of witnessing you has made me a little more so, and for that, I cannot ever thank you enough.

Daniel: You missed the best part at the end. The part where?

Laurel: The part about us. Oh, okay.

Daniel: Chuckle fucks. Thank you for all you do warmly on your face, your latest convert.

Laurel: I fucking loved that. My biggest concern about this is that it will prohibit other people from submitting their spit toast because this one is so phenomenal.

Daniel: I think you underestimate the enthusiasm of our fan base for blowing loads in the faces of those that they love. I think they're gonna try and outdo, ooh, our steward of the day.

Laurel: Don't be intimidated by that first load, even though it was like a rapid fire, like one cock cocky. Bring

Nichole: what you have. We wanna see it.

Nichole: We really do. , Stu wants removed. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you so much. now is a time where. I'm trying to find any excuse to celebrate and experience joy, and you have really helped me today. Mm-hmm. Like, I really, really appreciate you taking the time to write these words of love and affirmation for your partner because it's needed.

Nichole: And Stu, I hope you take the advice of your partner and listen to this again. , And try as hard as you can to believe it.

Daniel: Listen to it again and again and again. With no cleanup in between,

Daniel: I'm a little bit worried that this is gonna damage our brand. People writing in and saying how helpful we are.

Nichole: Oh.

Daniel: You know, and how, how fucking life changing and like, we have been trying so hard to keep anything practically useful out of the podcast.

Laurel: Oh no. We'll be found out. Maybe the New York Post will write something of substance about us.

Laurel: Doubtful.

Daniel: He stays at home editing the podcast while they're out on dates.

Laurel: Oh my God. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you Stews.

Daniel: Thank you Stews.

Laurel: What's our final segment?

Daniel: you know, Nicole really appreciates it when you specify that it is the final segment so that there's no hope of tacking on another after the fact.

Laurel: I was like, can I say it really fast? So you can't even edit out final what? The final segment?

Nichole: Well, I have a crazy, sexy poll.

Nichole: All right. So it's a pretty quick one, but it, meant a lot to me. I feel like this is like the sentimental Nicole episode. Aw. Like, like I'm really getting into my feelings in this one. I have a friend who is getting married.

Nichole: Mm. Uhhuh and I am part of the wedding party. I'm a bridesmaid. Oh. For the first time in my life. No, no. Always the bride. Whoops. No, no. I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding.

Daniel: Yeah. But that doesn't even count 'cause you're basically the same person at the exact same point on the autism spectrum

Nichole: apparently.

Nichole: I was also like, I was the only person up there with her. Um Oh wow. There weren't other bridesmaids. It was You were the bridesmaid.

Daniel: she wouldn't even let the groom stand up there.

Nichole: Just, it was just her. It was

Daniel: just her and Nicole's moment.

Nichole: She also did the thing. Yeah. And a lot of the photos, it does look like she and I are getting married.

Nichole: I was positioned behind the groom so that she and I could make eye contact during the ceremony. It was very special. It was very special.

Daniel: Weren't you rolling your eyes?

Nichole: No, of course. I wasn't rolling my eyes. No. I was crying a lot and was told afterward that I'm a beautiful crier. Aw.

Daniel: Um, oh, did you upstage her crying?

Nichole: She didn't cry somehow. I don't know how that happened. I think she waited till the end. Um,

Daniel: well, maybe she shows her excitement in a sensible way.

Nichole: You cried during our wedding.

Daniel: Yeah, that's true. I also cried when John Billingsley said that he would come on the podcast.

Nichole: I think we all did. Okay. so I'm a bridesmaid, in my friend's upcoming wedding I was like, Hey, have you guys sent out your save the dates yet?

Nichole: And she was like, we're actually just sending out invitations. I was like, okay, cool. she was like, you should get your invite tomorrow for you and a guest. Let Daniel know I love him, and if he's the guest you want to bring rad. If not, I'll put him and Laurel on the short list for open invites, or would that be weird?

Nichole: So she prefaced this with, I understand that you are married to Daniel, and I don't want to assume that Daniel is the person that you're bringing, because I know that you're in multiple relationships. Oh, but wait, I saw Daniel trying to fucking do the math in

Laurel: his head. He's like, what's

Daniel: happening? I understood.

Daniel: Wait, is she saying like that there's the option to bring Laurel instead of me? No, no. It has

nothing

Laurel: to do

with me. No,

Laurel: she's saying Nicole can bring in. Like if Nicole chooses to bring a different partner other than you, she will put you and I on the short list of like, oh, if I don't, if enough people don't RSVP Uhhuh, then Daniel could still come with his date.

Daniel: Yeah, we're on the waiting list. That's sweet.

Laurel: I think

Nichole: it's nice she went on to say, I have no idea what the social rules are for stuff like this. Um, or him at another date, not necessarily Laurel.

Nichole: I said, it's so sweet that you're even thinking about all of this. Yeah. And she was like, it's cool that you guys are willing to educate versus criticize it's new territory. For me, the social dynamics surrounding poly relationships, I want everyone to feel welcome and included, so I appreciate. That I can always ask what is cool and what is not?

Nichole: When it comes to this whole invite thing,

Daniel: how can we, how can we, uh, in an audio format, insert the confused equation, lady meme into this episode?

Nichole: We reference it by talking about it right now. Oh,

Daniel: okay. Done. So, just so you know, I would never not invite Laurel to the wedding in that case because I, I know that, uh, that's how you end a relationship with not invite her to the wedding.

Multiple: Oh,

Nichole: that is a bone to pick. We haven't discussed yet.

Multiple: Oh my

Daniel: God. Well, we, we discussed everything about that relationship ending except for the fact,

Laurel: like the final straw.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Yes. That's hilarious.

Laurel: We will share it at some other point in time.

Laurel: Yeah. And then everyone will get the joke. Sorry. You'll have to get the joke long after the fact.

Daniel: This is how we keep them listening. Yes. As we do, like we do, uh,, time travel, callbacks,

Nichole: yes. Yeah. I said, you can always ask, and again, I love you so much for even considering, and she said, of course, you're one of the easier people in my life to accommodate.

Nichole: She said, because putting Nicole and guest versus Nicole and Daniel was super easy. And then she said, I hope more and more people start doing that. Like, not assuming pronouns anymore. Mm-hmm. Not assuming relationships either. Aw. Aw, Aw. So I just thought it was, it, it was very kind. Yeah. Yeah. And very sweet of her to take into account my multiple relationships and not default to my husband.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: It's

Laurel: very thoughtful.

Daniel: , She paused she had the chance to write Nicole and lawfully wedded male hetero partner, which I guess wouldn't be me because.

Nichole: that's nice. But, and instead she asked a question about it. Yes. Yeah, yeah,

Nichole: She might also know that, like, I love going out with both of you, Laurel. I love it when you come out. We have fun. We, you're also great to take to parties. We're, we're a good time.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: You're just like really good at connecting with people and like, I loved taking you to, , this was a house warming that we went to years ago.

Laurel: Oh, oh yeah.

Nichole: . And I knew two people. I knew the hosts. Yeah. Those were the only people that I knew. And you just like, you didn't even know the host. No. You just went in there and you were like, I'm making friends left and right. It's great. Yeah. It's admirable. Aw.

Daniel: Taking, taking Laurel to a party is like taking an incredibly cute and friendly dog where everybody just wants to talk to you.

Laurel: That's accurate. It's mostly that I'm in my dog furry suit. Yeah. Everybody's like, what's this mascot doing here? And I'm like, have you heard about unions?

Daniel: It's labor dog

Nichole: labor retriever. Yeah.

Laurel: Hey, Stooby bops a beep wop bows. Please send us your questions for Ask the amateurs. I think we probably need some kind of

Nichole: entry.

Nichole: What?

Daniel: What? No, no, no. Fucking lube. , No foreplay. You can scat your way into anything. That's how I initiate sex.

Multiple: Oh God.

Daniel: Scoo. Oh my God. Dooo. Ooh. Ow.

Daniel: Put put, put put, put put, put it in you. Oh

Nichole: God. Oh my God.

Daniel: That was my jazz version of Red Hot Chili peppers. What? I got You got a Oo. Put it in you.

Nichole: I now regret giving you the space to have creativity. Oh God.

Laurel: You should write to us with the questions.

Daniel: You guys, you guys, is this a, wait, what is this? A poly pyramid scheme.

Nichole: What are we offering? Do we need to offer something if it's a poly pyramid scheme?

Daniel: Uh, advice.

Nichole: That's true.

Annie: fame glory. Mm, yes,

Nichole: true. That's true. Um, y'all, we really would love your questions

Nichole: would also love your bones to pick. Mm-hmm. Would also love your examples of. Monogamy. Are you okay? Mm mm-hmm. Do you have any, is this poly suggestions? What about poly in public invasion of pro privacy? Any public examples of poly that you have come into contact with? Like, we would love to hear from you and we know that you're out there because we've hit all 50 states now, so

Daniel: it's kind of like we're doing like a magic show, right?

Daniel: But nobody is volunteering and stepping right up. Oh god. To get step right up, get get saw in half stewards.

Laurel: You can write to us at Poly Amateur hour@gmail.com, or you can go to our website, poly amateur hour.com and submit a little anonymous form.

Daniel: You can slide into our, excuse me, you can slide into our dms, oh God, on Instagram

Laurel: at Poly Amateur Hour, or on Blue Sky, also at Poly Amateur Hour.

Daniel: And now that we've established that you do know how to write

Daniel: we would also really love it if you could write us a written review on Apple Podcasts. If you are an Apple Podcast user, we check on it every day waiting for someone to say something nice.

Nichole: And I don't give a shit what you write. Leave five stars for sure. And write, you know, like,

Daniel: Nicole's hot.

Nichole: No, don't write that right. I support Nicole in not wanting to go on cruises.

Daniel: You know, and everybody is just going on and on about what kind of delightful laughs Nicole and Laurel have. Maybe write a review about how delightful my laugh is. My, my big gut chuckle. Your

Nichole: gut chuckle. Laurel, what do you want people to write about you?

Laurel: I would like you to write about how, you like my eyeballs.

Laurel: Hmm. Delicious girling eyeballs. Thank you.

Laurel: Okay.