Laurel: What were you saying?

Daniel: I was just asking if I could take Laurel out to dinner tonight.

Nichole: Yes, please. Please take her out to dinner.

Daniel: Should we be suspicious?

Daniel: What are you getting up to while we're gone?

Nichole: No, I just, I was hoping that you guys would go out, out um,

Away from me? Please? Cause I was

Nichole: already planning in my head what kind of dinner I wanted to make for myself.

Song: Talkin bout love and sex and power, All our polyamateur hour.

Nichole: And I have to finish Bad Sisters,

oh, shit. Yeah, my mom asked me if I would.

Nichole: We've talked about this. My mom also. Yeah, it is the, it is the

Daniel: quintessential mom show. Is this specifically reality TV for mothers? It's not reality. No. It's I just assumed. It's

Nichole: Irish sisters. Yeah. Just trying to take care other.

I love it when Nicole does an accent. I was just trying for Derek this morning.

I was just trying to repeat your dick sand.

Daniel (2): .

Daniel (2): I love to see a woman who does accents. I feel like usually it's just accent guys.

Daniel (2): The ones with the fedoras. Oh, God. Yeah. The m'ladies.

Nichole: The m'ladies. That's what they are.

Nichole: They're m'lady guys. They are, it's true. They are m'lady

Daniel: guys. M'lady.

Daniel: I was, I was thinking it was like a m'laze. A m'ladies. A

Nichole: m'lady guy makes you feel m'laze.

I feel like this should be like a limerick. Like a limerick you teach your daughters to like stay away from m'lady guys.

Laurel: You can insert one later, babe. ,

Nichole: if there's anyone who can, it's you.

Daniel: Because I am kind of one of those guys?

Nichole: Ew, no. No,

because you freestyle rap.

Nichole: Yeah.

Oh.

Nichole: Yeah, did I tell you about, early on in our relationship, Daniel and I, taking a walk, and another couple was walking their dog, and this woman was like, oh my god, it's you.

Nichole: She points to Daniel, she was like, You were freestyling on a porch in the 90s.

Nichole: And I was like, what have I gotten myself into? Who is this guy?

It's you. You were freestyling on a porch in the 90s.

Daniel: And then there was just a spotlight that descended on me and I froze like I was doing a jailbreak. Oh, like Otho. I think this was one of my fondest memories.

Daniel: I had a really fond freestyle rap memory. Where this dude at a party was freestyle rapping and just dishing a bunch of homophobic stuff. And I just started rapping from a queer point of view, talking about how much I like to suck cock and how much you probably like to suck cock, if you would really just admit it.

Daniel: And I was really good because I was inspired. And the whole crowd started cheering me on and like turned on the homophobic dude. And I think that this person who came up to me, Was bringing that up

Nichole: because

Daniel: stayed in the memory of Portlanders, a legend the, the gay rapper.

They're like, you're the cocksucker, cocksucker, cocksucker, cocksucker,

Wow. What a beautiful story.

Daniel: Welcome to Polly Amateur, Alan.

I'm Laurel. I'm Nicole.

Daniel: I'm Daniel. couple of weeks ago, we did an experiment where we uh, gave Laurel cold medication, the hardcore stuff right before recording.

Nichole: Because she had a cold, not because we were like, wouldn't this be

Daniel: fun?

Nichole: Let's see what happens. Be fun.

Daniel: What if we gave Laurel some oxycodone? I mean, It was a little bit of that. You know, We're trying to work it into the arc of the podcast. We're like, okay, she's gonna get higher and higher, and the snot's going to flow.

Yeah, but you also, it was a necessity, because you had to explain why people are gonna hear me clacking on a lozenge the whole way through.

Yeah. Sorry.

Daniel: Yeah, that was really the only result. Of the cold episode. Yeah, it's like jordan's flu game the cold episode Jordan, what? There's a famous basketball game michael jordan who played when he had like 103 degree fever. Oh god and won And it was this really famous historic game As was your cold episode.

Yeah, much like that. How many people had the flu after he played that game?

Daniel: Everybody. That's how he Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah. That's how he won the series. Is he just was a super spreader thing. All by himself. Um. Uh, in A similar vein, I feel like we're doing an experiment today where I'm, like, hella depressed and have like, been, uh

That was, like, our first ten episodes.

For you.

Nichole: Yeah, because Laurel was super depressed. Yeah, so

eat it. Whatever. Unoriginal. Moving on.

Nichole: And I've been fine the whole time.

Daniel: I've just When the winter comes I get the dreaded time off of work with no real structured plans. And then I just start going into my own personal whirlpool.

Daniel: And it's not great.

I'm realizing that next year for the holidays, Nicole and I should gift you a very structured schedule of things to do.

Nichole: That's a really good idea actually.

Nichole: I'm really good at that. I don't know this. I

don't

Daniel: know if you've heard, but

Nichole: uh.

Daniel: you have to wake me up in the fucking morning though. You have to like get a cattle prod and get me out.

Nichole: I also need this Yeah, I this is why in college.

Nichole: I never took like an actual break. I kept doing service breaks

And

Nichole: Going and volunteering for a week somewhere.

Yeah

Nichole: Because I couldn't and I did summer classes like I never couldn't not I couldn't not

yeah This is gonna be very convenient for us. I have plenty of shit you can do.

Nichole: Oh, we're making him do shit for us.

Nichole: Yeah

Well, It doesn't I mean no you don't have to make you do shit for us, but we can make you a schedule

Daniel: I'm getting a precognition here where this is going to end up like Yoda in the backpack.

Nichole: Huh. Run, jump.

Daniel: Yeah, where I'm your like, human horse and you're the jockey. One of you on my shoulders, just

i, when I first saw that video, I think I listened to that song for weeks.

Oh god, me

Nichole: too.

I It's so fucking funny. It's so good.

Nichole: You're feeling down. relates to my poly mindfuck, right?

Song: It's like a game of telephone, with plenty of feedback. Invited three horses, got only one pizza. Ya balls on ya face, ya got self feedbacked. We're gettin the popcorn, and leanin our seat back. Can't blame ya partners, it sure wasn't Rhyme Lock. You are the author of this poly MINDFUL!

Daniel: Yes. Segway. I think I was even like, I was even heading your poly mindfuck off at the pass and be like, I will assume some responsibility for this poly mindfuck.

Ha! Wow, really stealing that thunder.

Nichole: So Daniel was feeling a certain kind of way right after the holidays and We had hosted Christmas and the first night of Hanukkah at our house. I made Short ribs. I made mushroom bourguignon.

Nichole: I made kosher Mashed potatoes. I made a green bean salad with dill and olives.

Daniel: This has been Nicole's wonderful dinner cast.

Y'all should be jealous. Nicole's menu. I did have some of this after the fact. I think I had, I tried your Mashed potatoes. . And the mushroom, Uhhuh. . And the, that's 'cause it gave you

Daniel: a, that's 'cause it gave you a boner.

Yeah. and the short rib. It was so good.

Nichole: They're so fucking good, right? Was, yeah. It was so good. It was

really good.

Nichole: So we had hosted the night before and my parents were in town for a couple of days. And we had planned on going to the museum, the art museum, and then dinner afterwards. And Daniel had been saying leading up to Christmas Hanukkah, I'm not feeling very good.

Nichole: It's that time of year where I get really in my head. I hear, I feel my OCD happening and

Daniel: Can I also can I also describe a little bit about this dinner before, the day before? It's great. I love parents, not necessarily my own. Wow. No, that's not true. I love them. They're just nutty. And it's always like when I bring like, my dad, who's actually my stepdad, I hyphenate him like, to the dad who raised me.

Daniel: And my mom. And like other people in one space, it's like throwing a bunch of feral cats in a room. You don't really know what's going to happen. You know what's gonna happen.

Nichole: Our dads. Autists just talk at each other and they're both so loud that it makes it impossible for the rest of us to have a conversation.

Nichole: I've given up on managing them,

Nichole: It's just exhausting.

Daniel: They both relate by downloading information. And so they get into this wonderful groove where they just take turns. Sharing completely unrelevant information with each other for hours and hours.

Daniel: It's like a feedback loop. And then it's just this thing going on in the corner of the room. And so any other conversations that you want to have, has MS. So she is like, That's not, that's not funny, Daniel.

Daniel: Oh yeah. So we're just going to make MS jokes for the rest of this episode. She, her favorite song is I can't feel my face when I'm with you.

Daniel: Um, So my mom has MS, so she can't deal with like cognitive overload situations. So she's got like this weird, like 2am radios playing. In the corner of the room and we're trying to like hold a conversation. Your mom's getting stressed out because I'm trying to assign movie monster identities to everybody.

Daniel: She's like, why are we monsters? My mom likes that. My mom likes to be assigned a monster. It gives her a sense of certainty. Yeah.

Nichole: We had this dinner and we also, celebrated the first night of Hanukkah. And then finally everyone left the next day, Daniel gently asks, Hey, I'm really feeling quite activated and quite overwhelmed can I maybe just go to dinner and not the museum?

Nichole: And I, took that as obviously you don't love me and you don't love my parents, I got so mad. I got so mad, and I did not approach you with the kindness and tenderness that you were asking for, because also in the same breath you were saying like, hey, can you just Hold some space for me because I'm struggling.

Nichole: And I was like, absolutely not.

Nichole: I was being a total cunt.

Nichole: And I also accused you of, not being an adult because I feel like I have to do things all the time that I don't want to do. And I thought it was unfair that you just kind of got to bounce out of this.

Nichole: And the fight escalated. And at one point, the poly part of it, the poly mindfuck part of it, At one point I was accusing you of giving the attention and time that I wanted for me and my parents to other partners. And I was trying to paint you as a hypocrite that like, Oh, so you won't spend three hours with my parents, but you will go for an entire weekend with Laurel and her family to a wedding.

Daniel: To be fair, her family are gangsters.

I was frightened for my safety. It was an, it was also an anthropological study.

Nichole: I get it, they're way more interesting than my family.

Daniel: And there was actually only one real event.

Nichole: That's the thing is that like I just had this idea that you had spent this entire weekend with her family and that you were unwilling to do the same for me and that wasn't true.

Daniel: You're like um, like how the dog imagines when we leave the house that we're just frolicking with other dogs in a meadow off leash. You both are off leash? Yeah. In the meadow? I don't know. Oh my god, I've conjured sad visions. Um, I don't know, I saw it in a cartoon once and I found it sad and funny at the same time.

Daniel: Uh, so you were just imagining that I was like, Rat Pack cosplaying with Laurel's family, tossing back whiskeys and waving wads of cash around.

Daniel: What else were we doing? Knocking over banks. Yeah. I

Nichole: did. And that was unfair of me. I think that it is really important to me to, I think we've talked about this before. Know who my metas are and learn about them, get to know them in the way that I get to know Laurel. What I don't get to do is project my own bullshit and where I'm finding lack in our relationship onto your other relationships, especially because I can tell myself stories so fucking easily.

Yeah.

Daniel: May I now disarm you with the weapon that you have pointed at yourself?

Nichole: Great.

Daniel: I also just lost my shit in that conversation earlier than I would have in other situations.

Daniel: Granted, I did give you a heads up, not doing well, I'm feeling a little shaky. But then once you started bringing up the Laurel stuff and like that I was immature and unwilling to face the cold, hard reality of parent days. I was like, fuck you. And, I was pointing a claw like finger.

Nichole: That's when I know you're really mad, is when you get the point. That is scary, Daniel.

Daniel: Just, you know, as an example of my uh, my crazy hair trigger response this week to all sorts of shit. Laurel, you are not alone.

Daniel: Everybody has been subject to Crazy Daniel. Wow. Crazy. I'm taking him on tour.

Yeah, maybe we should make a segment. Crazy Daniel.

Nichole: But I do think we should plan for this next year. Yeah, that's a good idea. that's a really good idea.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll just keep you busy.

Daniel (2): Yeah, or you could like both plan in advance to be like really kind to me.

No, I'll just keep you busy.

Nichole: So that was that that was my

Laurel: Fuck holiday edition a Polly mind fuck holiday edition.

Daniel: Should I have a holiday? Version of the of the Polly mind fuck song. some jingle bells in the background

Nichole: All All right, moving on ask the amateurs.

Song: If you got questions, don't demur, it's time to ask the amateurs.

Yeah We're going to do it a little different because we have a bunch of questions, but some of them aren't like, like super meaty enough to like take up a full segment length.

So we're going to every now and then we'll group some together. and do three more rapid fire questions. And today we grouped together some of the more like fanciful, fun ones.

Daniel: It's like a, uh, when you get to eat a whole dinner of tapas.

Nichole: A whole dinner of tapas? God, that used to be my favorite thing.

Nichole: It was a fun thing. It was going to the Trader Joe's. Oh. And just getting the frozen appetizers and making myself an entire meal of just frozen tapas. appetizers.

I have a freaking thing of that Trader Joe's like frozen orange chicken shit just sitting in my freezer. I'm so excited to eat

Nichole: that.

Nichole: But you should really go out to dinner. Okay, I'll save, don't eat that.

I'll save that for my very midnight snack on New Year's when I come home high and hungry.

Daniel: We should go out for tapas.

Tonight? Okay.

Nichole: Yeah, take your time.

Nichole: I

Daniel: Alright. Number one. In a Marxist future where women and the household have been liberated and people have the means to live with dignity and agency in any way they want, do you think there will be monogamy?

Daniel: You love it, You love it when I uh, when I do uh,, self serious questions in a self serious tone, don't you?

Nichole: I mean, The question is hilarious. Cause like, how do we answer that?

Is it also making the supposition that like, That not only are we liberated from our own material needs because we have them met, that we can, that we all collectively analyze social structures And like deconstruct them because that's the only way that happens is if you like actively deconstruct

Daniel: do they believe that we are a like a poly Liberation cell and we're out to really just spread our message through the uh, the halls of government. Have you heard the good word?

Nichole: I am not shocked that this is not the first time Marxism has come up on this podcast.

Daniel: The first time that I read through this I thought that it said, When women in the household have been obliterated.

Daniel: And I thought it was like a gender thing. There's like no more women. We are free from our shackles of womanhood and you can just like, it's like the end of the dark crystal where you just become beings of like light. Yeah. Where the, the Skeksis and the the elder ones fuse into one radiant being.

Finally. Yeah. It's like the it's like the origin of love,

Daniel: in reverse.

No, it is, no, it's like they finally come back together. Ohhh. Like the different people. The origin of love. But they

Nichole: never do. That

is the problem of that story. Were

Nichole: there ever That's not the problem of that story.

Daniel: Okay. It didn't work out that one time in the like cosmic creation.

Daniel: I

was going to question, are all of them depicted as halves of a unit? For

Daniel: those of you who are not as pop culture savvy as our Polly Liberation cell uh, we're talking about Hedwig and the Angry Inch and the glorious song, The Origin of Love.

Yeah, that tells like a mythic tale of how there were like, our original human form is.

Made up of two people, and then we're split in half and have to go find our other half again. And they do call out oh, they weren't all just hetero couples some of them. We're gay, huh, but I was like, are they all couples or were some of them like Triads or

Nichole: I was gonna say it's a very monogamous.

Yeah, it's a super monog like it's a very soul matey thing Yes. Yeah, very so many. Anyways, I digress

Daniel: maybe we all just had our origin in one giant block of love and it got dropped on the floor like a bag of ice and now we're just all looking to uh, come back together in giant orgies.

Laurel: Shattered

Daniel: shards

Nichole: of I don't know how to answer this question.

Nichole: I think that it is positing that monogamy is a social structure that is a, it is a byproduct of capitalism because it was a capitalist structure in the very beginning.

Nichole: It was to get land for families. That is the whole point of fucking marriage. If we don't have to trade dowries and shit, do we need monogamy?

Daniel: So maybe the real thrust of this question is, is Star Trek inherently poly? You know, In this post, in our post scarcity future, is it just like, uh, you know, um, understood, you know, it's never spoken out loud, but everybody in Star Trek, except for Trip Tucker, Is polyamorous.

Yeah, that was like the very beginning of The federation. Oh, that's true. It wasn't like

Nichole: but maybe that's why The only wedding that I can think of, that we see, is Worf and Jadzia.

And Jadzia is like 12 people.

Nichole: Jadzia is 12 people, and Worf comes from the Klingon tradition, which is very capitalist because they go out and they pillage.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: And they take things. Of course, they're the only society that still has marriage.

Daniel: And honestly, Jadzia seemed very poly before she got into that relationship. And it seemed, when you're watching that relationship start, it seemed like somebody who's poly struggling to be in a relationship with somebody who is not.

That is true, and then they kill her. Spoiler alert. The only way out was for her to die.

Nichole: I do think monogamy will still exist. Sure. Like, I

think some people will

prefer it. Whether or not they prefer it as an inherent element. Act of their humanity, or because they are still shackled by the legacy of capitalism. And Trip Tucker. And the legacy of Trip Tucker.

Nichole: Because polyamory is inherently more evolved, right? Yes, as I flip

my

Nichole: hair.

Daniel: So one of the embarrassing things that I do Uh, is uh, listen to uh, electric car podcasts sometimes.

Daniel: That's embarrassing. I know. And one of the things That one of these guys was saying is, I think that there will always be gas cars, but in the future, they'll just be like a thing that you do on the weekends.

Daniel: You know, You just uh, you just have fun with your gas car on the track, but it's not going to be part of everyday life. And yeah. Maybe that's what monogamy is going to be like now, too. You know, people will choose to be in monogamous relationships for periods of time.

Daniel: On the weekend. Which is about as long as I can do it. Yup. Yeah, but maybe they'll just like, okay, maybe the framework that surrounds the relationships. They'll be the new oppressed class. With our polygestapo.

Yeah, cis hetero monogamous relationships will be like you shouldn't talk about it.

Like you could do it sort of secretly, and maybe you'll pretend you have another girlfriend, but, I think. Or like you'll use another monogamous couple as your beard.

Mm

Nichole: hmm. What's the next question? Alright.

Daniel: Alright. What parts of the poly Zen diagram are you all in? Thank you, Stubert, for using our nomenclature.

Daniel: We're slowly building up our own whole vernacular, and I'm happy to see Zen diagram in our very narrow zeitgeist. What parts of the Pali Zen diagram are you all in? Makes me feel so good every time. Seems like most Pali people are also one or all of the following. Kinksters. Nerds. Neurodivergent.

Daniel: Burners. Acroyogies. Or therapists.

Daniel: Should we go through them and like check, check check, check for these ones, right? Okay. Kinksters.

Here. Yes.

Nichole: Yeah.

But I don't go to munches.

Nichole: Yeah. Does it

really count if you don't go to a munch?

Daniel: I thought that there was going to be oral sex at the munch, and So I never came again.

Daniel: I mean, I came again.

Nichole: Oh, God.

Daniel: Nerds. Yes.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Yes.

Daniel: That's obvious. Like we've been talking,

Daniel: like we worked Star Trek into a conversation about Marxism.

I, obviously, I don't know. That seems like a given. Yeah. The two are very closely

Nichole: related. Says the nerds.

Daniel: Neurodivergent.

Yes.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Yes. Burners?

Yes. No. Sorry, Laurel. No. And

Daniel: no, just because I'm scared of going to a party that I can't leave.

Daniel: Acro yogis?

No. I don't do acro yoga, though I want to, but I have done trapeze and I do pull, so does that count? Yes. Yeah.

Daniel: Okay. I would say acro yogis for me, no. Although I do enjoy yoga, do not enjoy heights. Correct. I always forget that. Or therapists um, are armchair.

Does armchair therapist count?

Does it count? If I pathology everybody in my life,

Nichole: does it count if, Daniel, you and I both got certified on the suicide hotline.

Daniel: We're both certified. We're both certified.

Nichole: certifiable. We also have been in therapy for decades. We also had designs on going and getting our master's and,

Daniel: um, Therapy.

Nichole: No, I'm trying to think of what it actually is.

Nichole: We're going to get our master's in counseling.

Daniel: Yeah, , six of one,

half a dozen of the other. So there's at least like a, there's at least a crescent of overlap in that Zen diagram.

Daniel: And I was raised by therapists. Yeah. Which. Was very much like, you know, that woman in Six Feet Under whose parents raised her as part of their book experiment. Anybody recall this? I don't remember. Oh, Brenda? Yeah. Yeah. So I get to be a therapist. And really fucked up. Yeah. That is a repetitive redundant.

Daniel: Yeah. It's repetitive and redundant.

I'm trying to think of what ones aren't listed there. I know we've talked about it before.

Daniel: I really want to get into D& D.

The problem with D& D is it's like the commitment of having a whole other partner

Daniel: Yeah,

like it's very time consuming

Daniel: and you need a dungeon master who isn't like Psychopathic.

Daniel: Yeah, you need a good Because you're kind of living in somebody's brain. Yeah He is your they are your yeah, why would you assume that's a man because they're usually douchey, dude What are they called in the ladies?

Daniel: I

Nichole: I can't think of any other.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Oh, cultists.

Nichole: Yeah, I was thinking like homesteaders, but we'll get into that later.

Daniel: There's blues dancers.

Oh yeah, blues dancing, ecstatic dancing, uh huh, contact improv, contact improv,

Daniel: all together now,

I did ecstatic dance for a while.

Nichole: That doesn't surprise me. It doesn't! It was fun. I had a good time. Yeah, the word is static, isn't it? Yeah. It's like a 10am

Daniel: dance party.

Daniel: For those of you listening at home, Nicole is not being judgy when she says, that does not surprise me. There is love in her eyes. Past the sassy little glare. It

Nichole: doesn't surprise me!

No, it's fair. It's fair.

Nichole: Next question?

Daniel: What's your worst poly date experience?

Nichole: I don't think I have one.

Daniel: No?

Nichole: I don't.

I so I had one that didn't end up in a date because he stood me up, but He like we before we actually went on a date like we had a phone call and in the phone call at some point I mentioned my husband and he was like, oh that's something you should have mentioned in your profile and I'm like And then like he read back through my profile to prove to me and he's oh, yeah I guess you did and I don't know why I still agreed to go on a date with this guy So we're gonna meet up at the coffee shop.

I go there I hang out for an hour or two does not show no call. No show like nothing and then text me like I don't know if it was later that day or another day and it was like Oh yeah, I was just hanging out at the shop with my bike.

Nichole: The fuck?

Yeah, just not even acknowledging that we had actual plans to do something, but it was just like, oh yeah, I just decided to do something else.

Daniel: So was he hanging out with his bike like a partner? Oh, just hanging out with my bike because this is, doesn't sound like the kind of dude, right? He's got the little clippies.

Oh no, not bicycle, like my motorcycle.

Daniel: Oh even better. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He's got the little clippies. Yeah, this wasn't, this was in the Bay Area, not in Portland.

Oh. So it was a motorcycle, not a bicycle. And then thought that and then tried to propose a new time to like.

Nichole: Fuck no. Yeah. I was like, no.

Talking to each other anymore.

Nichole: I guess I do have one that didn't end up in a date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was trying to make time with this guy. I was like how about we meet here at this time?

Nichole: And he was like, what is the place? And I was like, this place at this time. And he was like, menu looks cool. And I was like, so how about this time at this place? Yeah. Like just didn't respond.

Daniel: I just loved the menu so much. I had to go to the restaurant right away.

Nichole: I was like, what the fuck? And so I went to a meeting instead. I got places to be. Yeah. I'm going to go. Get some sobriety.

Laurel: Wait. Do you have a bad story? A worst date story? Fish noise.

Daniel: Oh, I've got tons.

Daniel: Height of the pandemic. I invited somebody over to hang out in the backyard.

Daniel: Really, Explicitly being in the backyard. Yeah, because we weren't doing indoors at that time.

Yeah, you're like come over. Let's fuck in the backyard

Daniel: I didn't think that was really a possibility, until I, you know, sterilized the bottom of her shoes, you know, uh, so But when it became clear that I was going to go inside and like, you know, make her drinks and stuff, and she got extremely upset, even though that this was predetermined, and stood up in a huff and started Crying and was just like I'm going to walk home

Because you were going inside without her or because you didn't invite her inside.

Yeah,

Daniel: maybe she was a vampire She

was like easy pickins and then you and then I threw a wrench in her. Yeah. Wow.

Daniel: What the fuck? What did she say?

I don't I think you remember this don't you were here Nicole is inside, just like listening against the window.

Nichole: Obviously I wasn't, because I don't remember this.

Daniel: I think that it was, your presence probably inflamed her rage even more. Because it was like, oh, your wife's inside, so you're just gonna hang out with me while your wife is Or your fiancée, or

Your fiancée!

Daniel: Your girlfriend, whatever you were at that point. Whatever I was. Nicole. You're Nicole! You were Nicole, if nothing else.

Daniel: Poly people problems are the same as everyone's shitty folks. Yeah.

Feel like, yeah, most of the like, real poly problems reveal themselves after the fact after I'd been dating for a little while, but I had one guy who just really wanted me to be, like I was like, He just wanted me to be besties with his wife really quickly.

Is

Nichole: it, was it Daniel? And then he was like,

let's

Laurel: start a

podcast. No, it was just like, it was just like forced. Like it was, this was also in the Bay Area and just

Nichole: was his wife boring?

Yeah, they like, ultimately were not my people, and like, she was really sweet, and obviously I'm, like, yes, I want to have relationships with my metamors, but like, not thrust upon me, and like, and it was also like, uh, Like, it was also clearly like, oh like, she feels socially isolated, and you're gonna like, solve this problem for her.

Ugh, God. I was like, no, I'm not.

Daniel: Was it the uh, the dude from Jane Eyre? And he had like the uh, The wife up in the, up in the attic, she's like, she's like crawling around like a monkey on the floor. And like, you gotta like, you just got to go up there and she's a little isolated. She hasn't seen or touched another human being in a few years.

Daniel: She bites.

Yeah, I was responsible for extricating her from the attic and showing her to the rest of the world.

Daniel: Recently I went on a date with a woman who, like within the first five minutes of the conversation, granted, I asked for it because I was like, what do you do for a living?

Daniel: Yeah. And she's like, Oh, I deal coke.

Wait, is that another part of the Zen diagram? Drug dealer?

Nichole: I don't think so, because I've never that blew my mind when you told me that, when you came home from that date.

Daniel: Yeah, and she wasn't even like, oh, it's ethical cocaine. Yeah, that's very un Portland.

Daniel: It was very strange, but I just committed to the rest of that date. And I kept talking and asking interesting questions. And we shared our, we shared our uh, our music that we made. And you know what? I followed the Laurel example and was like, no expectations. I'm just going to have a good time with a Coke dealer.

Yeah. Honestly, I have, I think I have to feel physically threatened to end a date early. Usually I'm just like, okay this is weird. I'll keep talking to you about your weird shit.

Nichole: It really wouldn't take much for me to find

a date early. That's enough. Goodbye.

Daniel: Another one. It was like around the same time.

Daniel: I really had a little cottage cluster of fucked up dates within like about a month. So this date was just Sharing trauma and diagnoses throughout the entire date. Oh my god, that's fun. I'm all for everybody getting their diagnoses within reason. Within reason.

Daniel: I think it's important to note that all of our mental disorders are also character traits.

Daniel: Like,

Nichole: They're part of me who, who I am.

I try to not allow mine to be part of who I am.

Sometimes, it just happens.

Daniel: I mean, It's like, we get in these situations, and this is always happening with me. This is always happening, in all of my relationships of, being like that's because of my uh, um, My OCD or my ADHD or my childhood trauma or my pathological lying.

Daniel: Yes. When it comes down to it, like I also just have to own that it's just. Part of myself I can't hold out my like mental Disorder my mental illness as like this separate thing. It's like, oh, you know, that's just that's just my OCD's fault That's just my ADHD's fault.

Daniel: That's just my depression, you know, like it's it's me,

Laurel: , I just think it has become a cultural phenomenon to just To be like, , I'm not actually responsible for the way I behave.

Daniel: and now we can do it for anything. I watch reality TV. It's a disorder. I fart when I have

sex. Yeah.

But that's why we drive

Nichole: here. It's

a disorder. It smells like flowers. Definitely doesn't.

Nichole: Alright.

Should we move on?

Nichole: To Is This Polly?

Song: Is this Polly or not?

Wait, I can't remember if this part actually got aired in our episode with Jamie from In Plain English. But the recommendation for Is This Polly? came from Jamie. Wait, what's the name of the show?

in Plain English. No, not their show. The show that we're watching and asking is this Polly Love love on the griddle. Hot off the griddle. Is this like love hot off the griddle? Somehow this connects back to the, our House is a waffle. , . Somehow all paths lead to

Daniel: the waffle.

Nichole: Yes, so we watched the first three episodes of Love Off The Grid.

Nichole: This was the first season. Okay. You can find it on

A television or internet. Somewhere. I can't remember

Nichole: which platform it's on. I wouldn't recommend it, so I don't think I should go seek it out.

Nichole: Love Off the Grid. Follows the story of four different couples who one of the half of the couple lives in an off grid situation. One guy lives in the Smoky Mountains, one woman lives in the middle of the fucking desert, one guy lives in the high ups of Colorado, and another guy is building a homestead in Alabama. .

Daniel: Intrinsically, at the outset of the show, the person who is inviting the other partner to come live with them It's completely insane.

Daniel: One, because they are self isolating, but willing to import a partner whom they have not lived with to just come and start a life. And two, And two, because they want to be on a reality TV show.

Yeah. And they're also like the person, the half that is, off the grid, is very committed to being off the grid.

Like they're very like, love it or leave it in that mentality.

Nichole: So the final couple, Myesha and Joe in Alabama , Joe has purchased a large plot of land that has no buildings on it because he is working to make a homestead

right now we're standing in the middle of God's country.

Living out here on my own land, on my own terms, I don't really have to answer to anyone. This land is my castle, and I'm the king. I'm going to be building a house from scratch. And then once we get the property going, build the infrastructure of the homestead.

So from the main home site to the homeschooling, schoolhouses, to the slaughterhouses, to the greenhouses, I want this place to be busy with life and productivity by time I'm put under it.

Nichole: And he has invited

Nichole: maisha, his partner, Maisha, who is very, has never lived outside of a city, has never lived out of her parents home.

Nichole: She's always lived with her parents.

Clip: My name is Myesha. I'm 33, and I live in Fayetteville, Georgia. Love singing. I love bowling. I'm a baker. In my lifestyle, my family is everything to me.

Clip: I've always had them around. My aunt cooks all the time. My mom is always there. I've been spoiled, like, for the past 31 years.

Yeah, and he's, he is literally building the house that they're going to live in when she shows up.

There is no structure awaiting her. Yes.

Daniel: And what I do like. about this setup, and this is going to be the only thing treasure it, is that this is one of the first shows That I've seen in the kind of reality TV genre, or really any genre, where there is a couple who are just like, we're poly from the get go.

Daniel: It's not about the journey of one partner, opening up a marriage. It's not couple to thruple.

I forget how they describe what polyamory is.

we're both polyamorous, we're looking for another woman to join us in our household. Polyamory is. It's multiple people in a relationship. We are looking for like a third, fourth, fifth, however many we get to. It goes back to that ultimate freedom.

My ultimate goal is to build a sustainable homestead where we're just one big family that takes care of each other's wants and needs.

Nichole: And Joe's vision is that this homestead includes all of their partners and all of their partners children, and that's how they like make the homestead run is that they have a lot of people. Then She basically says yeah, we're polyamorous, but you're gonna marry me

Nichole: and he's like, well, I don't need the government telling me Like how I feel about you. Yeah, and she's like But practically, if we have children and you die, my, me and my children do not get any of this land.

Nichole: We don't get any of this home. We do actually need to get married in order to share property together. And so Joe meets up with his buddy. I can't remember his buddy's name. I think it's Aaron. His bud that is just shirtless the entire time. And he's like getting shit out of a shed for him.

Oh yeah. The beekeeping stuff. Yes.

Nichole: They're getting the beekeeping stuff out of storage and his buddy Aaron, again, shirtless the entire time is like, Man, Joe like, it's kind of crazy what you're doing.

, you know, getting married's a big step. Yeah. It's uh, you know, involving the government and your relationship. You know, the government doesn't have a real good track record at anything that they touch. You could not be more correct. Um, but when it comes to protecting our kids and the homestead, I think, This is a sacrifice I'll have to make.

Daniel: He's the, supposed to be the stand in for the audience, right? If assuming that we're all just like shirtless rednecks.

Yeah. Cause he, he's obviously we're only seeing this in a TV show, but it seemed like it took one three and a half minute argument for my Isha to convince Joe to go against all of his like morals to marry her. And now his friend is trying to be the better reason and be like you really don't want the government meddling in your, Life like that.

And

Nichole: Joe's like, no, I'm cool with it.

Yeah. It was just like, yeah, it was just for practical reasons. We got to do it. And then Aaron's just like,

In my experience, every time that I've gotten married,

it has not turned out good.

My favorite part is like so they do open it up by saying that they're looking for a third like they mentioned this But there are several times like In the course of Joe doing this work where he's like, another person sure would make this easier, he keeps saying like many hands make light work, which is very clearly, like an allusion to like, if I get some more bitches in here, they can do more of this work.

Nichole: Yes, because in his conversation with Aaron later, he basically says, yes, everyone can everyone will live on the land and I'm in relation with, my girlfriend or wife and they can be in relation with each other and I also have another girlfriend and also no men. Yeah.

Nichole: No men can live here. Just me. Yep. And it was like,

Nichole: Oh no. Oh no.

Daniel: Yeah. And that's the moment that we realized.

Nichole: It's a cult!

Song: It's a cult! It's a motherfucking cult! It's a cult! It's a motherfucking cult! It's a cult! It's a motherfucking cult! It's a cult!

Nichole: Oh, he's just, he's just trying to start a cult.

Daniel (2): Yeah. Okay. Yeah. This is a little bit of a stealth segment, where now, whenever we are examining something, whether it's a unicorn hunter profile, or a piece of media in Is This Polly?

Daniel (2): It now becomes. It's a cult.

Yeah, that's right. We should have segued this into unicorn hunters because they were like, like, it became clear that they were looking for a third woman in their homestead. And then we find out, Oh, there's more, but only women can live in the homestead. Oh my God.

Daniel: So this is a trifecta.

Daniel: It's, is this Polly? It's a cult. And Unicorn Hunter happens.

The zen diagram has merged into one circle.

Nichole: Yeah so, uh, are we going to watch more of this?

Hell yeah. I I do want to know what happens. Because also Myesha is going on about how she is queen. Correct. She has made some comments of like, she is, She is at the top of the pecking order here.

So I am like Just for the sake of watching the shit show like very curious what happens when a third does Actually enter the

Nichole: picture which apparently a third does that's what's been promised to us. Yeah

Daniel: We know that she enters the third. We don't know whether or not she runs Scream.

Daniel: Oh, now I'm stressed. Yeah. , is it just like, like, Polly and homesteading doesn't mix? Most polycules in the 60s were colts. Are most polycules on a farm or ranch or beekeeping remote outpost colts?

Nichole: I just had this thought, I don't, Of course, we think this is going to end up being a cult, but honestly like, a homestead is work, and you don't fuck where you work.

Daniel: Part of the problem with this. Polycule slash homestead slash cult is that he can be the only one man on the property

Yeah, one penis policy one penis

Daniel: policy and two he is the landlord now my Isha figured out that we're like She needed to have like equal footing with the land ownership and So it's that combination of like, um, uh, exclusivity and landlordism that make it like really scary possibly for the power structure for other people coming in.

Daniel: For anybody else who's coming in, it's just like a, it's just a classic sperm for labor exchange. Ugh. Ewie. Ewie. Ew. I was holding on to that one for a while.

Nichole: That was good, babe. That

was

Daniel: really good. Thanks.

Nichole: So is this Polly?

No, it's a cult.

Nichole: Yeah I would say no, but we also haven't gotten to the actual like Polly amorous relationship. Yeah,

it's true.

Daniel: I would say no, it is not Polly, but the jury is still out and we will have a Love off the grid. Is this Polly part two?

Nichole: All right, i'm hungry you guys should go to dinner

Song: This has been Polyamateur Hour, a production of Risa Records. If you have a question for Ask the Amateurs, or a recommendation for Is This Poly, please email us at polyamateurhour at gmail dot com. If you enjoyed the show, and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice, leave us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out.

Song: But we hope you tell three. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed. Unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time! ​