Laurel: Okay, you know how you go to the Optometrist and they have you rest your head in the little chin holder thing while they look at your eyeball through the machine I'd like that right now just to rest my chin and up against the microphone right here

Daniel: I do that with darla's head sometimes or dashels.

Daniel: These are dogs not people our dogs just all have human names. But I'll just, like hold their little snoot. So you want like a snoot holder.

Laurel: Yeah, if someone could hold my snoot for me,



Nichole: I can make you a head hammock. It'll just hang from the ceiling. And I just rest.

Nichole: Put your head in there. Rest

Laurel: my head in it. That would be good. Cause also I'm also the one that constantly is like changing my distance from the microphone. So that'll just like, It's more

Nichole: for us than it is for you.

Laurel: Yeah. Get yourselves a head hammock for me.

Daniel: That we can then have a, like a lever to, to adjust.

Daniel: Like it's like, You

Laurel: each hold a string that pulls me back toward the microphone. I am a puppet. Dance puppet dance.

Song: Talkin bout love and sex and power, All our polyamateur hour.

Sorry,

Sorry. Oh,

Daniel: Nicole's got podcast audible cramps today.

Laurel: Welcome to the period hour. I was just, I don't know if this is new research or not, about how like, these stem cells from menses might be, like, really beneficial for curing Alzheimer's disease.

Nichole: I'll donate mine.

Laurel: I'll menstruate into a bucket.

Laurel: Does that mean I'll Oh, here it comes.

Laurel: Do you wanna, do

Nichole: you wanna, Do you wanna go God in advance? Yeah, Yeah.

Daniel: This is a serious question. Uh Huh. Uh Huh. Yeah. Will I never get dementia if I just get my red wings every day?

Laurel: Red wings.

Nichole: I hate that.

Laurel: I hate

Nichole: it.

Laurel: It does remind me of like Heath Ledger's Joker.

Laurel: Perma Red Wings. I

Nichole: hate this.

Daniel: That was the origin story he never told. That was the real That's

Laurel: why he's smiling all the time. I hate this. I'm not like a big Batman

fan, but

Laurel: I realize we talk about Batman a lot. Just saying.

Daniel: Maybe you've got kind of a repressed Batman fan thing

Laurel: going on. Yeah, because on the surface, I'm like, that, like he's just like Elon Musk of whatever, Gotham City. And so I hate that I am intrigued.

Nichole: Bruce Wayne is an asshole.

Nichole: He has a bunch of money. And instead of.

Laurel: Investing in resources

Nichole: for the city? Yeah, in infrastructure or like community social programs. He decides to dress up like a bat at night.

Laurel: Like, and have like this like crazy fucking technology , what if they just invested that in creating like, I don't know, a running like veterans benefit system? Yeah!

Daniel: What if that was in the cave? Under his mansion, it's just a VA, just a VA hospital.

Laurel: If you're listening,

Nichole: Welcome to Polyamateur Hour.

Daniel: I'm Daniel. I'm Laurel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole.

Daniel: And together we are, I haven't done that in a long time.

Daniel: Sorry, everybody. We've been doing Coke today. And by Coke, I mean, Coca Cola.

Laurel: Always Coca Cola. Wait.

Daniel: Please

Laurel: don't.

Daniel: Are we going to, are we going to give people, what's the um, uh, uh, I was about to say SSRI, what's

Nichole: the ASMR.

Daniel: ASMR.

Laurel: Yeah. I don't know if that'll pick up. I

Laurel: Nicole hates it. You hate it.

Nichole: I don't like a lot of things today. So My uh, Tolerance is low. My patience is thin.

Laurel: This will make for an interesting episode.

Laurel: Nicole's going to cut deep, swift and deep.

Daniel: This was one of the things that I complimented Nicole on during the uh, Nicole's birthday spit toasting special was her ability to wield the Flaming Archangel Sword of Wrath.

Daniel: Is it kind of weird that I like wrathful Nicole?

Laurel: No, it's not weird, because we all do. I think , it, like, humanizes her , because we're like, wow, what a perfect angel, like, so kind, and, Sweet but then when you feel that little like sizzling undertone of rage, you're like,

Nichole: It's no longer my birthday.

Nichole: We have to stop.

Laurel: Shut the fuck up.

Laurel: It makes us feel a little bit better about ourselves, you know?

Daniel: you might be made more comfortable about it moving forward if the only thing that we Compliment you about is your anger. She's just so angry. I just love to feel it. Give me a shiver on my spine.

Nichole: I have been meditating

Nichole: I've been trying to do like a regular meditation practice and I've been reading books on meditation and I've been, and now I'm,

Nichole: working on. Emotional sobriety around my fear and anger. So it's just today I'm not feeling like, you know, like I'm in pain and slightly annoyed by everything.

Laurel: That's fair. , I'm also a real meditation amateur, but I feel like part of the practice is just like accepting and noticing when you.

Laurel: Can't be the idealized version of yourself? It's just like, oh yeah, I'm fucking pissed off about that.

Daniel: like when I'm meditating, I'm just watching a writhing, like, restless dog on its back.

Nichole: So what's our first segment?

Laurel: I feel like we should start with the Unicorn Hunter Hunters. Oh, say it proud. I think we should start with the Unicorn Hunter Hunters. .

Daniel: Why are you making it into like a Polish word?

Song: Do you wanna be there?

Daniel: This is another pair of accounts that are the better for pairing.

Daniel: Alright. So this is the woman's account. Redacted area. She runs couple's account. Good to know. This is a little different, right? Not your unicorn emoji. So she is not looking to volunteer to be our unicorn. We play together, mostly looking for couples. No solo men, please. Open to solo women, but not hunting.

Daniel: Okay. Still, I put them in the category cause they were the most interesting. I'm

Laurel: also just going to say, just because you say you're not hunting, doesn't mean. You're not hunting, but anyways continue.

Daniel: Yeah, If the only solo people that you're looking for are bi women Yeah, you may be a little hunting.

Daniel: Yeah Just a little bit

Daniel: We have clear Less than one year old face and full body photos of both of us. It took me a long time to decipher that sentence to realize that they weren't talking about a one year old person or animal.

Nichole: Right.

Daniel: I'm looking for same courtesy. We all need discretion, but let's not pretend pics don't matter.

Daniel: Her. With a uh, dancing girl emoji. 5'6 slim. Bi. Demi. Sapio. Slut for witty banter. Flirt with me. Pathologically punctual. Nerd. Cat parent. Actual parent. Two baby emojis. Medical person.

Daniel: Hospital emoji. Atheist who eats latkes. Reader of philosophy. Clumsy pole dancer. EDM slash jazz. Self loathing novelist. Below average skier. Above average cook. RBF, but friendly, I swear. Extroverted introvert, that's a thing.

Daniel: Neurospicy. Mycologist. Mushroom emoji. Herbivore. Herb emoji. Left leaning centrist lefty. Shake hands emoji. Fave comedians. Sloss. Brennan. Likes. Consistency. Assertiveness. Confidence. Abs. Him. 6'1 Muscular. Straight. Gym rat. Muscle emoji. World class Peach grower, peach emoji and eater, wink emoji, EV enthusiast. A little too close to home. Animal lover, cat emoji, night owl, owl emoji, slays at table tennis, table tennis emoji. We'll pick you up when hugging. Speed demon. Computer person, computer emoji, above average skier, skiing emoji, Sue V operator, steak emoji, faith comedian, Larry David likes curly hair, glasses, loud in bed, winky emoji.

Daniel: We're not into any of the following, but you can be. Sports. Literally any. Tattoos. We have none. Sorry. Gaming slash anime slash cosplay. Surviving the elements for fun. Why? Astrology slash crystals slash religion.

Daniel: Those are all no's. Those are all no's for them. They're not into them, but you can be. Which that could be I want it to be recognized an infinite list of things.

Nichole: Right. Yeah. Why the fuck would I need to know that? Yeah. Why would I need what? Oh, thank you so much that I have your permission to

Laurel: have tattoos.

Laurel: I don't know. What

Nichole: the fuck?

Daniel: Alright, you guys ready for the uh, man's profile?

Nichole: Yeah. Yes.

Daniel: Alright, everybody. I'm just going to hold this out so everyone can see it. This is the written part of the profile. I'm

Laurel: just here for Nicole's reaction. What do you call that, when you make images out of typed text?

Daniel: Text art. Is it called text

Nichole: art? Sure.

Daniel: For those of you at home, I have revealed to the polyamateurs here a giant screen encompassing piece of text art of a giant pineapple.

Daniel: Extremely well rendered, like this person either found, some kind of secret mine of swinger text art out there or spent hours and hours creating this giant text art pineapple.

Nichole: I don't know what annoys me more. Because the second I saw that, I was like, that took about as long as it took.

Nichole: Person to write out that entire fucking dictionary of a list, the things that I can and cannot be. And I just imagined they're like sitting next to each other on the couch. And she's like, Ooh, what do we don't like? We don't like tattoos and we don't like sports, even though we're like totally skiers. And he's just like, ding ding.

Nichole: Space space, space, space, clothes brands.

Nichole: And I hate it. I hate both of them. I hate them.

Laurel: I want to know, here's the thing. Does, it says that he grows peaches and eats them, but like. Does that mean that he's just, his ass is getting bigger and bigger all the time? Yeah. Does he eat ass or does he eat pussy?

Daniel: Does he know what his dirty emojis are supposed to mean?

Nichole: Is growing peaches a thing that I don't understand?

Laurel: No, I think it's just, like, literally it's got a peach tree or something.

Daniel: Oh, I did not take that literally at all.

Laurel: do you think he's a, what do they call it, a feeder fetishist?

Laurel: Maybe he's the one that makes the person eat until their ass is fat.

Nichole: But truly, I mean, If this person is a peach farmer, I guess that's something you can list. If they just have a peach tree, that's not something

that's like

Nichole: That you're allowed to list.

Nichole: Yeah,

like

Nichole: I don't have in my profile that we have like a jacaranda tree in the

Daniel: background. You would if you were into people licking it. I guess so. I think you guys are a little too hung up on the peach grower. I think what he means is he presents his ass for licking. And he licks other asses.

Nichole: Then fucking say that!

Nichole: Why all the emojis too? I don't get it. I don't, we are adults. We do not need to communicate in cartoons.

Laurel: This is a thing too. I'm gonna call out Sean right now because I feel like his field profile also is a little bit of a list with emojis next to them.

Daniel: So this is Sean in germ.

Laurel: That's what I put his contact in when he gave me his, like, European phone number to differentiate it from his American phone number. But he doesn't even live in Germany anymore.

Laurel: But anyway, this is my partner, who lives in Europe.

Daniel: I still think of him as your German partner, though.

Laurel: Okay, that's fair.

Daniel: Because I never got over the holocaust.

Laurel: You blame Sean for the holocaust? Yeah. So next time we ask, I know there's a question in there somewhere about metamores like getting along. I have one partner that blames the other partner for the genocide of his people.

Daniel: I mean, It's 2025.

Daniel: That's not so unusual these days. That

Laurel: is true. Anyway, Sean, we'll have you on sometime and you can rebuff this accusation. You can defend yourself. You can also defend yourself. You can defend your field profile.

Laurel: That was a long list of things of which yes, we're weirdly like, like, I'm not religious, but I eat latkes. And also, we do sports, but also we don't like sports. What are these, like, contradictory non sequitur relationships

Daniel: had some thoughts.

Laurel: Yeah, tell me your thoughts.

Daniel: One, the thing about the emojis, I typically don't mind emojis, but I think you need to use them like this.

Daniel: Rebus or whatever and not have, like,

Laurel: like when you replace breasts with cherry emoji Yes. Has sweet set of cherry emojis.

Daniel: Yes. But this the emoji then summarizes. What they said via text.

Nichole: What it comes across as is the people that were Going to be, trying to hook up with are just so dumb That they need us to spell out what the emoji means but also they need to know, like, oh my god, if I don't have the same interests Like, we need to let them know that it's okay that they can like sports. Like, fuck off, dude. Like, god damn it.

Daniel: See, I did not know that you were going to hate this one as much as you do, Nicole.

Daniel: I was like, oh, this isn't so bad. Nicole's in a hating mood right now. I blame Sean for the Holocaust. She blames this couple for her period.

Nichole: I'm just, I don't like condescension. It's fair. It's fair. You don't

Laurel: know me. Like, in general. In general, I don't like dislikes and profiles. Yeah, like what a weird thing to waste your time on in a profile. Like. Is

Daniel: things that you can be into?

Laurel: Things that you're allowed to be into, but I don't like.

Laurel: Why the fuck?

Daniel: My whole reaction to this, what makes me like, be like, oh, Yeah, probably no thanks is just the sheer volume, right? I've told you both and told you all stupid nation about how I have like information download PTSD from my autistic spectrum stepfather and.

Daniel: It flares up when I just get a nonstop fire hose of data and emojis and slashes. So it's like, I'm this slash, that slash, the other.

Laurel: Okay, this really reminds me because Derek and I have continued watching Love Island U. S. And we've noticed this theme where couples will have like Like, these really superficial conversations with each other, like, Oh, do you want kids? And the other one's like, Yes, I want kids. And they're like, Oh my God, how many?

Laurel: And they're like, I don't know, two or three. And they're like, Oh my God, me too. And then afterwards they're doing their, like, confessional. And they're like, I've never had such, like, a deep conversation where we, like, really align on our personal values.

Laurel: And I'm like, this shit isn't personal values. These are like, superficial metrics you're comparing. And that's like, that is what this list is. Is like, a list of like, superficial interests for someone who claims to be like, a demisapiosexual. Also, I'm not saying that like, demisexuals don't want to fuck around, but it is really interesting to find a.

Laurel: Swinging, looking for sexual play couple led by a demisexual.

Nichole: I don't know that she knows what that means.

Nichole: But what also, what is a sapiosexual? Normie Corner.

Song: I said when you got a question and you just don't know, you go to Nomekona, Nomekona. Define your basic terms so you can personally grow, you go to Nomekona, Nomekona.

Laurel: A sapiosexual is someone who acts like they're attracted to intelligence.

Nichole: Shut the fuck up.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: I like someone who acts like they're,

Laurel: Daniel's going to defend this.

Daniel: I'm not going to, I'm not going to defend sepia sexual. Yeah. What I am going to say is some of the backlash against sepia sexual. As a ableist. Yeah, as a kind of like saying that it's ableist to me, strikes me as part of a larger movement of anti-intellectualism too.

Daniel: But I don't think that people who generally say that they're sapiosexual are intellectuals. Yeah. I think that the problem with people saying that they are sapiosexual is that they're saying that being attracted to. Intelligence is comparable to a sexual orientation, which is I think like, disrespectful to like LGBTQ communities.

Daniel: My problem with it is not that it's ableist. My problem with it is that it is completely out of touch with what it actually means to enjoy the company of intelligent people.

Nichole: My problem with it is that it's, why the fuck would I need to know that?

Laurel: My problem with it is I don't think it actually has anything to do with other people.

Laurel: I think it's a statement about how fucking smart I am.

Nichole: Yes.

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: Yes. Yes. I'm so fucking smart I need to summarize each of these lists of things with a fucking emoji.

Yes, Nicole, get it. Um. Because you all are so dumb.

Nichole: See, I was right. I was right. I knew it. I knew it. I fucking knew it.

Daniel: At the same time., Reading through this whole, , laundry list of stuff, , there are things that, like, Oh, these are things that I am interested in, too.

Daniel: These are things that other people are interested in, too. She's into pole dancing. She's a writer. , she actually is trying to write a novel. That's fun. Like they're into comedy. He's an EV enthusiast, which I'm very embarrassed to say that I was.

Daniel: Maybe I'm in recovery. I don't know. No,

Laurel: yeah,

Daniel: No. Still

Nichole: watch your EV YouTube shows. Of the four guys just talking to each other about E. V. things and the American guy and the British guy are always shitting on the Canadian guy and he's just like, Poor Canadian guy. Maybe we should move along, eh?

Nichole: And they're like no. What you're saying? Like, people don't care about that Canadian. It's just, it's, anyways. No one has any idea what I'm talking about.

Daniel: I really do feel sorry for the Canadian guy on that show. Me fucking do. Aww. And I

Nichole: never watch it with you. I just overhear it.

Daniel: And he's the sensitive one.

Daniel: He's got long hair and he's got like guitars in the background and he plays like mellow folk rock.

Laurel: Aw.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Maybe we should have him on. We

Nichole: should give

Laurel: him

Nichole: a platform because he's not getting one.

Nichole: Sorry, I keep interrupting you, babe.

Daniel: Go on. It's all right. You got energy. You got demons that you need to exorcise. Yeah, I love it.

Daniel: I also would not have chosen this as our unicorn hunting pair were it not for the gigantic pineapple tech start.

Daniel: Can we talk about that again for a minute? So I imagine these two people like Penn and Teller.

Oh my God.

Yeah. Yeah. That was, yes. Yes.

Daniel: So , he is just there, . Doing his little arts in the corner. wonder if he's a little bit exhausted with her.

Daniel: She's like cats no dogs. I love it when the sky is green He's like Pineapple?

Laurel: Yeah. There's always one person running the show. It is very unusual to find a couple that has equal interest in the hunt.

Laurel: Like, it's always like, he runs the account. She runs the account. It's like one or the other that's like, has put the effort in, and then you go and look at the other profile and either it's clearly like a solo profile or there's nothing in it.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. But I don't know if I've ever seen such a great disparity between two profiles.

Laurel: Yes. Besides that one that we had talked about where it was like the partner didn't exist at all.

Daniel: So Unicorn Hunter Hunters is the segment where we rate the Unicorn Hunters on three unimportant criteria. They are self aggrandizement,

Daniel: arbitrary rules. And would we unicorn for them?

Daniel: All right. I'm going to say for self aggrandizement, I'll go relatively high here.

Daniel: Oh, interesting. Like whenever you have that much of a stream of consciousness and so many multi hyphenates about what you're into emojis when you drop that you're a novelist, but also do like a self effacing humor of like a self hated novelist I'm going to give them a eight.

Daniel: Oh, okay. Self aggrandizement.

Laurel: Interesting. I think I fell for the. The self flagellation a little bit. And it was like, Oh five, like, yeah, they list a lot of shit they're into and not into, but like, but there's some humility about it.

Nichole: Do any of their photos feature them on a boat?

Daniel: No.

Nichole: Seven.

Laurel: . There was one with a boat, but like, the profiles weren't very interesting in general, but I was like really excited to find a boat for you.

Daniel: I mean, Once we get a Patreon, we can invite people for the Unicorn Hunter Hunter's outtakes. The ones that we felt like we couldn't do without being problematic.

Laurel: Without just being huge assholes. As opposed to the mild assholery we usually partake in. I

don't know. Today I am full blown. Yep.

Laurel: Okay.

Laurel: Let's have

Daniel: it. Fully dilated asshole over here.

Oh God. Jesus.

Daniel: Jesus.

Jesus, Marion Joes. Arbitrary rules.

Daniel: Um, I wouldn't put them very high on arbitrary rules, really. No men, no single men. No single men.

Daniel: I'll give them like a five. I think the only thing that even makes them that high is the weirdness of, we're not into these things, but I guess you can be.

Laurel: Yeah. It's like, I guess you can have your crystals.

Laurel: Just don't talk to me about them. We're going to look down

Daniel: on you if you're into these things, but we'll still fuck you.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah. I'm also in the five area. I'm just like very middle of the road with these folks,

Nichole: I'm also a five cause they don't list out like physical requirements.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: And that, to me, would bump them up in the rating. So, All right. Would you unicorn for them?

Daniel: No. Mainly because I am just scared that I'm going to get. Cornered in a information download.

Laurel: Just anytime I see sapiosexual in anyone's profile, it's an immediate no.

Nichole: You guys know my answer. Like, it was clear. 30 seconds in. That's absolutely a no.

Daniel: I think if we put any profiles in front of you right now, Nicole, you're just going to like, if there were, if there were paper, you would just tear them up, , like Daschle tears up cardboard boxes.

Laurel: But could we see that pineapple one more time?

Laurel: Moving on to the next segment, we're going to ask the amateurs.

If you got questions, don't demur, it's time to ask the amateurs.

Laurel: I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret. If you come and flirt with me at a party, I will bump your question to the front. Ha y'all ready for this?

Daniel: I buckled my safety belt.

Laurel: How do you deal with a dominant partner that you feel is way out of your league? Specifically, how do you balance having a DS dynamic with a person you feel may actually be better than you in many fundamental ways, i. e. hotter, fatter? funny or smarter, more put together, better sex, cooler car, etc. If you are a submissive in this relationship and are also totally taken with this person, what are things you can do to prevent them from totally walking all over and taking advantage of the situation?

Laurel: As a side note, having them take advantage of you may be part of what makes it hot from a kink perspective, if there is some desired humiliation at play, but how far is too far and how do you enforce boundaries when they are too hot and you don't really want to quell predicament.

Daniel: Oh, should we have Nicole try and read the French?

Laurel: No.

Laurel: Ha!

Nichole: Nicole

Laurel: will have none of it.

Nichole: It's the term better than you that I don't like.

Laurel: Yeah, they're not better than you.

Laurel: Because they're

Nichole: not better than you.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Like. I agree.

Nichole: This is a story you are telling yourself because Whomever you are fucking, like, they are not better than you. Yeah. It does not matter. Yeah. Agreed. You are choosing to spend your time with this person. They are choosing to spend their time with you.

Nichole: So this entire narrative that you have it's not real.

Laurel: I think you just need some um, self affirmation bukkake in the morning. Really?

Laurel: You just gotta shower yourself in some self affirmation. Because I 100 percent agree with Nicole, and that was like the first thoughts I had when I read this, which is like, bullshit, they are not better than you. Yeah. Like, no way, shape, or form. And like Also, I've met this stubert now, like you are hella hot and lovely and like, yeah.

Daniel: And we've also met the stubert once removed.

Laurel: Oh, that, the question might be pertaining to.

Daniel: And, we have the okay to tread not so lightly because that stubert is too busy being hot and will never listen to our podcast. Quote, unquote.

Nichole: Was that from the stubert once removed or the stubert?

Laurel: The stubert probably. The stubert. The question asker. For everyone who's struggling to follow along. I was about to lay

Nichole: in the stubert. Because, okay, but this is the other thing. I need to know where this narrative is coming from. Is it coming from you, stubert? Or is it coming from your stubert once removed?

Nichole: Because if it's coming from your stubert once renewed, fuck that.

Laurel: Not into it.

Nichole: Not into it. I'm not into it.

Nichole: I'm not into it. Nicole's

Laurel: gonna kill this motherfucker.

Nichole: I'm sorry.

Daniel: We don't know that much about, the stubert once removed.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Get hot. Get hot.

Daniel: Sorry. Here's one thing I would like to say.

Daniel: Stubert, you are hotter than your stubert.

Laurel: Oh.

Daniel: All of this is relative, but this stubert who wrote in, this stubert was slinking all over the party in a hot little stubert dress. This stubert has, some radiant.

Daniel: Sexual energy to the just like, follows her like the scent of pies and a Looney Tunes, when everybody is just drifting on the air behind her. .

Laurel: There's not a single person who like after the party, I'd like, brought up this stupert in conversation and they're like, Oh yeah, she's hot.

So

Laurel: this is what we demand now. Like, we'll make you a special snippet of just this portion of the podcast and I want you to play it for yourself every time before you go and play with anybody. Yes. And just internalize. Yes.

Daniel: And also um, hot is Really relative. So stubert, whatever hotness you're putting on your stubert once removed, Oh my God.

Daniel: We have dug ourselves into such a stubert hole with a nomenclature. Oh my God. I know. Sure. You may be really into this person, but not everybody likes a guy who looks like he's made of steak with Lego hair. Oh my god!

Whoa! Whoa! I thought I was being mean! Wow!

Daniel: Some people Like a short little nebushy Jew, like me with, with, with muscles that you just have to feel.

Daniel: If you, if they're not visible through the clothing you, you know?

Daniel: But seriously, like, People find all sorts of different things attractive. Yes. I'm queer. I find some men attractive. I do not find the big blonde square jawed hunk, , attractive.

Nichole: I'm going to say something really mean.

Daniel: Do

Laurel: it, do it, Do it. Bust it out.

Laurel: Ha ha

Nichole: ha ha ha Ha. Alright, maybe it's not that mean. Maybe I just find it funny. Ha. Bring it. I thought he was at the wrong party.

Ha. Cause

Nichole: I was like.

Nichole: Who's

this Aryan looking asshole? I don't know him. I don't know this Aryan looking asshole.

Daniel: I know, and I approached him, I was like you were responsible for the holocaust.

Nichole: It was a holocaust party. And

Laurel: Sean was like, finally, I'm off

Nichole: the hook. I'm sorry. We can cut that.

Laurel: I will say, okay, so there's another piece to this where it's like, feeling like somebody has

Laurel: um, like more wealth or better job than you or whatever and feeling like intimidated by that, which I feel I feel like I see that come up more often than not for men in a sexist way when they fear that their, , female partner is outperforming them in life or whatever.

Laurel: If you can really let go of those, social constructs as like bullshit and not actually super meaningful to the value of yourself and the people around you then it can be a fun thing to play with like in a kink setting but You have to be working on building up your own self security, understanding what you truly value.

Laurel: Cause I do think a lot of people when they start to break it down, a lot of people discover like they don't actually super value wealth or having a corporate job or whatever. And if you can relate the things that you are doing and appreciate about your life back to your core value system, I think that helps build a lot of confidence, like self confidence and freeze up those things for play.

Laurel: A little easier when you can play with those, , faux power dynamics in a particular, , scene or setting. And then also, , clearly understanding, , your own boundaries around those things of, like, when does,, the fun in play stop and it is actually just a violation of your values.

Nichole: That is a really good point.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Because there are a million different scenarios that you can play with in a kink setting, in a dom sub relationship.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: But those have to be agreed upon values. boundaries. Yes. Yeah. And parameters within you, within which you get to play, right?

Nichole: It would infuriate me if this super once removed came to the table with we know that I'm hotter than you. Right. So let's play in that dynamic. Right. And like, that, Yeah,

Daniel: not cool.

Daniel: I think if you are bringing this like I am less than energy into the relationship yourself,

Laurel: yeah,

Daniel: Stubert, then that is something that is, I think, independent. of the relationship. , I think that you had that, likely, before you got into this relationship, this sense of being less than in other relationships.

Daniel: Instances as well. Honestly, I think if you're going to do work on this, it's something that you have to do work on outside of the relationship. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be in the relationship. I'm just saying that you can't fix your sense of inadequacy or inferiority in relation to this person.

Daniel: You have to go and do the work.

Laurel: Yeah, you build it up independent of. Exactly. Yeah.

Nichole: This might be why I'm getting so reactive with this question, is that I've been there.

Daniel: Yeah. I know. Because I'm so much more attractive than you.

Nichole: You are, baby. I mean, You're really fucking handsome. I really, I like your face.

Nichole: Aw, Daniel's getting like a bashful

Laurel: look.

Nichole: But I, I, I have absolutely been in that place where I'm like, oh, I'm dating above my pay grade.

Nichole: And I should make myself smaller in order to not take up so much space in their life so that they keep me around. And I better not fuck this up.

Nichole: Yeah. And I'm just entering a season in my life where I don't want to fucking do that anymore.

Nichole: It's exhausting trying to Constantly make yourself smaller and constantly playing the comparison game.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: So that might be where a lot of this aggro energy is coming from, is that like, I point the finger and three are pointing back at me.

Daniel: I'm really glad that I didn't do this whole segment with the bit that I was thinking of. What was the bit you were thinking of? I was thinking of just being like, from the beginning, yeah, you know, I'm really familiar with the situation from the other side. Because I'm so much more attractive than everybody.

Daniel: And I just do it like um,. Like sustain that bit for the whole time and actually give actionable advice.

Daniel: But from the point of view of just being the most vain.

Nichole: Then. This agro energy would have been direct darts. Just straight into ya. Darts, just like, cause you're in close physical proximity to me, man. Oh my god. And I've been taking magnesium and my nails are strong,

Laurel: Get ready to be torn to shreds.

Daniel: To quote Nicole, Have we answered the question?

Laurel: Stubert, you are gorgeous and lovely and fun

Nichole: And kind. And kind. And warm. You're generous. Yeah. You take the time to connect with people. Mm hmm. And You deserve to wake up and know how great you are. You deserve that moment first thing in the morning when you wake up and you go like, yeah, fuck yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. Like, I am great. And this day is lucky that I'm here. Yeah.

Daniel: And you can have that feeling every day if you start it with polyamateur hours.

Laurel: Shall we move along now? Yes.

Laurel: Alright, y'all ready for a Is

Daniel: This Polly?

Song: Is this Polly or not?

Daniel: I am somewhat ready for an Is This Polly?

Daniel: Oh, ma'am. We can start with the nice things to say about the movie.

Nichole: We should start with the title of the movie.

Laurel: Yeah, this was a listener, suggestion . If you go to polyamateurhour. com, you can send in your suggestions for Is This Polly? or a question for Ask the Amateurs, or you can even upload some screen caps for Unicorn Hunter Hunter segment. So we had a kind listener send in a suggestion for the film.

Laurel: Curiosa, which is a 2019 French period drama, not a menstrual drama.

Daniel: I was , really confused because I don't understand how she got to the place in , the next movie in the timeline where she's got like one hand and, she's in the middle of the desert.

Nichole: I knew in the core of my being that you were going to make a Furiosa Curiosa joke.

Daniel: At least I got it over with at the top of the segment.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. We no longer have to wait with bated breath for that

Daniel: one.

Nichole: Okay it is, what, 1800s?

Laurel: Yeah, turn of the century. Yeah, turn

Nichole: of the century France, assuming it is Paris, because there is nowhere else in France.

Nichole: Yeah. It's before 1983, it just didn't exist.

Daniel: The farmland version of this movie would be really totally different. It was like in rural France.

Nichole: Yeah, the incest would have come first.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Would have been some hot barn picks. Okay.

Nichole: All right. So you have Marie, who is one of three sisters. She's the daughter of a.

Nichole: A poet named Joseph something. And in order to move herself up in society, she marries this guy named Henri. Henri has a monocle and a mustache, but she's in love with a guy named Pierre. And Pierre is a poet. Just has

Laurel: a mustache, no monocle.

Nichole: No monocle, does have a mustache. Mustache is not primary feature of his face.

Nichole: Yeah. Unlike Henri, whose mustache is like, one of the Disney cartoons, there is a character that has one of these, like, broomstick mustaches that actually functions like a broomstick. Um, So Marie and Pierre begin an affair outside of her and Henri's marriage.

Nichole: And it is clandestine and it is secret. And he is constantly taking photos of her in lewd poses.

Clip: Everyone should have a hobby, don't you think? Man is making love.

Nichole: they also write poems to each other, basically. Yeah.

Clip: You know, it is not just a case of physical attraction. I admire her mind too!

Nichole: , At the same time, Pierre goes to Algeria and meets an Algerian woman and brings her back to Paris. And she basically holds court, she is like the courtesan of his little friend group and she's, dancing for them, but also sucking them off and, um.

Daniel: party girl.

Nichole: She's a party girl and she's fucking gorgeous.

Nichole: Yeah. She deserves to be a party girl if she wants to be. So. As

Daniel: do you all. Oh,

Nichole: yes. Stubert, you do. Yeah. This affair goes on, and Eventually, Pierre sends away the Algerian woman, so he can fully devote himself to Marie. And then, time passes, they're still in, the throes of their affair, and then Pierre decides to go to Algeria, and Marie is there.

Nichole: Um, Devastated

Clip: Intimacy is difficult at this range.

Nichole: just takes to her bed, like she has black lung. She's just so, oh my God, she's going to die. And her mother tells her husband, you should take her to the races. That'll cheer her up, she loves

horses.

Daniel: It was 19th century France, I think that when you do have your heart broken, a near death experience is par for the course, ,

Daniel: I don't think she was telling her

Laurel: to like, stand in the track while the

Daniel: horse

Nichole: was Take her to the races and push her into the track.

Daniel: Wait till she breaks her legs and shoot her. God.

Nichole: Okay. So, um. Eventually, Pierre comes back. He comes back alone. In that time, Marie had started another affair with another one of Pierre's friend group.

Nichole: And she took suggestive photos of him, and Pierre comes back to his apartment and finds these photos. And so then he's pissed. And that's it. Yeah, what did I forget?

Daniel: As our resident plot cop. I wanted to ask you. Plot cop. We perceived from this moment from some of the pictures that were taken of Jeanne, I think Jeanne was the one that she had the affair with , while Pierre was in Algeria.

Daniel: Both from the pictures of him just silent on the bed with the flowers and the gunshot that it sounded like was at the end of a scene and the fact that we never saw him again. After that, we thought that it was insinuated that he had killed himself.

Laurel: After Marie sent him a letter that was like, Don't come back to the flat for our affair.

Laurel: It's over.

Daniel: And wasn't there a voiceover from him too about how he couldn't go on or something? Yeah, there's

Laurel: like a voiceover that seems like a letter from Jean to Pierre. That's like a suicide note, almost.

Nichole: Maybe.

Laurel: That is how this film works.

Nichole: Yeah, , like, , if that happened it happened.



Laurel: Short people don't

Daniel: exist in this film.

Daniel: Jean, who cares about Jean? He may or may not have committed suicide. We don't

know.

Daniel: Our line of sight is just a good six inches above his head. So if he's dead on the floor, who, who even knows? Start seeing short people.

Laurel: America. That's all Daniel really wants.

Clip: Ah, un petit femme skonk.

Nichole: Pierre is upset or whatever and then Marie discovers that she's pregnant and she decides that it is Pierre's Then she has the baby, her and Henri are still married.

Nichole: They go to the zoo and Pierre is there and Pierre and Marie haven't spoken in months and she's just like so excited to see him and hands the baby to him. And they're making like, slide nods to like, Oh yeah, that is Pierre's baby, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And Henri and Pierreoh, you know what, this is actually importantHenri and Pierre are and were best friends.

Nichole: Yeah.

Nichole: And Henri took, quote unquote, Marie from Pierre. He also Has suspected basically the whole time that she was having an affair with Pierre. Yeah so they're in front of the monkey cage. Basically, Henri tells Pierre, like, I know that you've been fucking my wife, and we're also best friends. And Pierre invites Henri to his pied à terre, like, the apartment that he is in, and sticks him in the room next door, and then invites Marie, fucks Marie, on the bed next to the wall where Pierre knows Henri is listening in.

Clip: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Hmm. So impetuous! But nice!

Nichole: Yeah. It is all but confirmed, like, okay, yeah, they're having an affair.

Daniel: What? They were both very emotional, like, I was under the impression that Marie also knew that he was on the other side of the wall and that this was the closest that they had ever come or would ever come to intimacy.

Nichole: Perhaps

Daniel: there were tears. Each one had like a single tear during the scene.

Nichole: If that happened, it happened. Like I, six minutes into this movie, I was like, am I too dumb for this movie? Oh yeah.

Nichole: Because it was just a lot of. Not plot. and truly, honestly I don't remember how it ends.

Nichole: And I just, I watched this less than 12 hours ago. Like, I mean, it's a French

Daniel: movie. It doesn't really end.

Nichole: It ends with the sisters. Yep. I forgot. I blocked out this part. Yeah. Because I did not like it.

Nichole: Marie basically decides to pimp out her sister to Pierre.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: And she's like, why don't you marry Louise? Louise, why don't you marry Pierre? And. Louise is like all up into that idea. It's like, yeah, sure, of course. Pierre is like, what the fuck? And so Marie decides to make it this game of like, when you're fucking her, you can think of me. Because we have the same mouth, and we have the same hair, and blah, blah, blah.

Nichole: And I was so bad by this point. Yeah. And I don't even really want to describe what happens next. It's really yucky. Because it really It made me Mad and uncomfortable.

Laurel: Yeah, so basically, then there are artsy scenes cut in where Marie and her sister, they're in Pierre's apartment studio thing posing for photographs and and basically Marie just essentially begins to abuse her little sister. Like maybe she was game for de robing, but like de robing together she like, like pecks her sister with a kiss and her sister is obviously taken aback and uncomfortable with this and just like keeps pushing the boundaries of intimacy for these photos for Pierre, and then there's like all of these cuts to the photos of like them butt to butt and whatnot.

Laurel: Which is a classic,

Daniel: sex

Laurel: move, right? The butt to butt. Classic butt to butt. .

Clip: I'll poop in your butthole. And then you will poop it back into my butt. And we will keep doing it.

Laurel: Forever,

Laurel: , I know. Me, you, and everyone I know coined that. Thank you, Miranda.

Nichole: I just, I. It, that whole scene is framed within, it is using the same music and it is using the same cuts and it's using the same cinematography as the rest of the quote unquote sexy scenes. Yes.

Laurel: So

Nichole: it pissed me the fuck off because I was like, this is not sexy. It's

Laurel: very disturbing. It is incredibly disturbing.

Nichole: Incredibly disturbing.

Laurel: Yeah , in the cinematography and Just the editing there is so much time given to sort of passionate love To the extent where it's unclear here if other characters are dead or not, and it's a direct consequence of this fucked up relationship.

Daniel: This movie does not care anything for any other characters besides the two principals,

Nichole: who do not care about anybody but themselves. Yes,

Daniel: everyone else can fuck right off. And actually, it may not even care about either of them as individuals. Yeah. The only way that we really get to know them is In relation to each other.

Clip: You are a girl, I am a boy. We have all that in common, darling.

Clip: May I call you darling? You may call me streetcar because of my desire

Daniel: okay, if everybody is cheating on everybody simultaneously. And there's vague awareness that it's happening. Is that French polyamory?

Laurel: As close as they'll get.

Daniel: It's a giant don't ask, don't tell web. Yeah, like it's just, it's just like, there is no negative space that is not adultery.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: All existence is adultery everywhere.

Nichole: Adultery for the sake of art. Cause honestly, I think these characters. I don't think that they were in love with each other. I think they were doing it for the art. They're like, I am such an artist that I need to feel these things.

Nichole: So I'm going to keep putting myself in situations to, cultivate all of these like giant fuck off emotions so that I can write a poem.

Laurel: There were a couple of moments. So there's one where, like, Pierre and Marie, early in their affair, she asks him while they're in bed, like, do you have other mistresses?

Laurel: And he Repeats would I love you any less if I did? So that was one moment where I was like, oh, is this getting a little poly? Like that is touching on the fact that like, yeah, like regardless of my other relation My relationships with other women like it would not affect my feelings for you And then he does at least wholeheartedly be like yes, Of course, I am fucking other people You're married like

Nichole: Yeah,

Daniel: and then he institutes a fucking 19th century one penis policy

Laurel: Yeah, when he gets back and finds out she slept with Jawns.

Daniel: Yeah,

Laurel: upset by it, which is yeah.

Daniel: And then the second point where they say something that is Polly is in a context which really undercuts it, which is when she is trying to like, pimp her sister off when she's trying to convince him to get married to her younger sister she says, I love you enough to share you.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. And. And cool. If this is Polly, can I go back to monogamy now?

Yeah.

Nichole: I mean, I think we answered the question.

Laurel: Yeah. I did do a little bit of reading about the, like, actual historical figures and it did seem to imply , there was a lot of fantasy fiction created In the correspondence between Marie and Pierre and that they might not have actually done all of these things,

Nichole: Oh, it was turn of the century sex thing.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah, exactly. And then like some of the stuff that Marie wrote about in her novels was more just fantasy rather than actual Like actions that they performed together, which makes it slightly more palatable.

Daniel: The parts of this movie that I really did find compelling and interesting were one like 19th century.

Daniel: Sexting complete with like dick pics and like sex pics, like, I was like, Ooh, I want to just like take all of my dirty pictures with a giant wooden camera that I have to force somebody to stand really still with, it'd be so much more hot. And then you have to go into a dark little room and you wait for it to develop.

Laurel: Also remember at the beginning where there's the fucking two way mirror. Yeah.

Nichole: What the fuck was that? Okay. So I skipped over like the entire opening because it didn't relate at all to the fucking rest of the movie. Yeah. But the sisters are in a sitting room and Pierre is behind a one way.

Nichole: Yeah, one way mirror. Pierre is behind a one way mirror, watching them as they look at themselves in the mirror.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Adjusting their, hair and like talking about how pretty they are and blah, blah, blah.

Nichole: And then their father walks in, closes the curtain, and says, That show's not for you. Yeah. To Pierre. I'm like, why the fuck do you have this mirror in your house?

Laurel: Yeah, who is that show for? They never Why is that a show? They

Nichole: never explain it.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: So was there just like a two way mirror in every. Like household with teenage daughters in the 19th century. Like, is this just, was this just a thing? And then you would, maybe you would have like prospective husbands. Maybe it was like, Pierre isn't a prospective husband. So maybe the show is for Henri,

Laurel: who is supposed to be choosing a sister.

Laurel: Yeah, maybe.

Daniel: Eenie, Meenie, Marie. Yeah, he chose the wrong one.

Nichole: , I, this is the, I don't, how could this be Polly?

Song: I, this, is, the, I, don't, I'll, put, this, be, I, this, is, the, I, don't, I'll, put, this, be, Holly.



Daniel: Is this Polly?

Nichole: No.

Daniel: No. No. I will also say no. It has little glimmers and then darkness. That was very French.

Daniel: So should we close it up with a little bit of, uh, poly pyramid scheme?

Song: Polyhuraman Huramanski. Polyhuraman Huramanski. Polymega bolts, join the cult. Polyhuraman Huramanski.

Nichole: Oh, sure. Yes. What's

Daniel: our scheme?

Nichole: What do we wanna ask people to do?

Daniel: Alright. We need Reddit agents.

Laurel: Ooh. Yeah. Oh, secret Reddit agent. So once in a while. We're taking, we're giving you a handle and we're taking away your name.

Daniel: So once in a while, I google polyamory podcasts and I come back to that same damn reddit thread from like over a year ago that's like, Hey, anybody know any polyamory podcasts? And they're just like multi amory, multi amory, multi amory, multi amory, multi amory, which is great. But

Laurel: you should make a theme song. I was like, that could be a little jingle for them. Free

Daniel: IP multi hammering. Yeah. But we want to be on some lists. We want people to be like, Oh, I'm going to Google around for some polyamor podcasts and it's like, Oh, what the fuck is this shit show?

Daniel: I should, I should uh, make it clearer to uh, Google next time that I don't want fucking chaotic. Half ass comedy.

Laurel: But they do. You do on it.

Daniel: You guys are just like Reddit voyeurs. Yeah. Right?

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: So we're just like Henri on the other side of the wall, like listening to make love to other podcasts on the other side. We need one person to ask again because they have closed down the thread from a year ago about podcasts.

Daniel: And then another of you needs to jump in real quick and go. Polyamateur Hour, Jazz Hands.

Nichole: Jazz Hands. Oh, and if you actually type out Polyamateur Hour, Jazz Hands, we'll know that you did that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So conspire with your buddies. Yeah. Like, the ones that you know are on Reddit. Yeah. And, p please?

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Please, sir, may I have some jazz hands? Please, pleading

Laurel: emoji for you idiots who don't fucking understand what please means.

Song: This has been Polyamateur Hour, a production of Risa Records. If you have a question for Ask the Amateurs, or a recommendation for Is This Poly, please email us at polyamateurhour at gmail dot com. If you enjoyed the show, and you know you did, you perv, please subscribe to us on your podcatcher of choice, leave us a five star review, and most importantly, tell at least one person in your life to check us out.

Song: But we hope you tell three. Remember, the advice given by the amateurs should not be followed, unless you are prepared to be ecstatically happy, successful, and strange. Until next time!