Daniel: So I went in to see about getting my car fixed and. The guy there, it was one of those instances where, as soon as he hears that my name is like a Hebrew last name.

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: He's like, it is biblical. I'll just keep uh, his accent nice and vague. Nice and vaguely. Eastern European. He's like, are you Christian? Oh, no. No. some people are just looking for a chance to talk about their weird, creepy fetishistic relationship with Judaism. non-Jews are looking for this chance, right? like, I've been to Israel six times, and I'm like, I've got conflicting feelings about Israel, but my feelings about your. Extreme enthusiasm about Israel or not conflicted at all. It makes me very uncomfortable.



Daniel: And then, you know, like he's showing me all of the pictures on the wall like of him in Israel. Like There's just him like crawling out of some ruins with his wife.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Daniel: But I'm more distracted with the fact that his entire office is filled with cup of noodles, like unused cup of noodles stacked like three layers high on his desk, on top of a refrigerator. There's all these different varieties of cup of noodles, like things I've never seen before. Like, I don't know whether it has anything to do with his work.

Laurel: It's just snacks. Yeah. This is what happens with. With cup of noodles, like at a certain point you have no choice but to stack them. And where do you stack them in your office? On,

Daniel: on other cups of doodles. Yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: You wanna keep them together.

Daniel: And then it took about like maybe five minutes, for him to get to, jesus to then Israel, to then,

Laurel: did you know that Jesus was a Jew? I don't think

Daniel: that, I don't think that he knows. I didn't, I didn't say, do you know the good news?

Daniel: And then still within the span of five minutes we get to the Jews that he knows, oh, no. And then still within that five minutes, the demons who are possessing the houses of the Jews that he knows and how he prays for them and is trying to drive out the demons

Laurel: are they like. Haunting the Jews 'cause they're Jewish or like I kept, I kept trying to be like, you mean ghosts obviously?

Laurel: You mean ghosts? Demons are different. Demons don't live in your house. They live in your body. Right. Demonic possession. Yeah.

Laurel: Maybe it's just all

Laurel: metaphor. Maybe he is just really talking about, you know, the things that his friends need to overcome in their lives. The obstacles, their Judaism.

Laurel: Yeah. That

Daniel: I should have sat down with him and just, you know, really listened to. No, wait, I did. 'cause it took half an hour for me to get my estimate. Jesus. The conversation was like 80% demons, 10% Israel, and 10% cup of noodles.

Nichole: I kind of want a cup of noodles now. I can taste it. I can taste right. Yeah. But a cup of noodle to taste like. And it's mostly salt

Nichole: and styrofoam.

Nichole: I can hear the fork scraping against the styrofoam and I can see the little like pathetic attempts at like vegetables, quote unquote, with like the dehydrated carrots and peas,

Laurel: rehydrated pee. Oh, it's not their fault.

Daniel: Somebody did that to them.

Nichole: feel like I didn't have ramen until I was like a cup of instant ramen until I was in college maybe.

Daniel: I think. I think you never had it because like your parents were not divorced. I feel like if,

Nichole: if you have,

Daniel: If you have divorced dad who you visit, yes, you're gonna have cup of noodles.

Nichole: Yep. That makes sense.

Daniel: The other thing that my dad would make for us is deep fried burritos like chimichangas, and he would invariably light the oil on fire

Daniel: and it would just be like, like fun time, emergency like, oh God.

Laurel: Hey guys. Welcome to Fun Time Emergency.

Daniel: What was our alt name for this podcast? Fun Time, emergency Calamity Power Hour.

Daniel: Oh speaking of, welcome to Poly Amateur Hour.

Laurel: I'm Laurel. I'm Nicole.

Daniel: I'm Daniel.

Laurel: I don't think I ever say it first.

Nichole: I wanted to give you that gift. Thank you.

Daniel: You're

Nichole: so welcome. Thank you.

Laurel: What's our first segment?

Daniel: I believe it is Invitation to Love.

Invitation to Love: Come inside and take your shoes off. Have some pie and shake your blues off. Join the conversation, this invitation to love.

Daniel: Last time on Invitation to Love, we left Nicole on a journey of self-discovery and dude discovery. Dude discovery. Dude Discovery. Yeah. Dude, where's my dude?

Nichole: Okay. I actually like that.

Nichole: You

Laurel: should, You should put that as a headline in your profile.

Daniel: Um, Episode one of Nicole's invitation to Love. We looked at her hinge profile.

Daniel: Episode two, we looked at her potential suitors. There was no episode three for her. 'cause she was like, now I must have perfect privacy. Privacy.

Laurel: Privacy. Gimme my privacy.

Daniel: So I do not offend the potential suitors.

Laurel: And somehow you manage to, anyway.

Daniel: Oh, that's true. So now that we've worked our way through the first batch Yep.

Laurel: Let's bake up another,

Daniel: well, can we get some updates on how uh, love Trek, phase one. Mm-hmm. Worked out for you.

Nichole: Not great, Bob.

Nichole: Yeah. Um, I think I'm learning a lot about myself.

Laurel: I love a good self. Learn good

Nichole: Self-learn a good, yeah. Yeah.

Nichole: um, Okay. So let's start with the positives. Yeah. Okay. I have learned that there is a cadence of communication that I appreciate.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Avoidant.

Nichole: It is definitely not every day. I don't need, I don't need it every day also I've learned what pace I would like things to go.

Nichole: Mm.

Daniel: Um, This is true even with us. Sometimes I'll say Good morning to Nicole and she's like, didn't you say that yesterday?

Nichole: Deja vu? Or what? I do remember when we first started dating Babe. You wanted me to spend the night like three times a week And I was like, no. Maybe once, if you're lucky

Daniel: if you stay on your side. I, I think that was a misunderstanding I wanted to fuck at least three times a week

Laurel: and at that point, he didn't know how to say that besides staying the night.

Laurel: Staying the night.

Nichole: Yeah. Maybe.

Laurel: Okay.

Nichole: So I'm learning a lot about cadence, communication speed at which, like this progresses. Mm-hmm. Right. Which I appreciate a slow burn. It is also really having me take stock of current and past relationships and do a lot of self-work. So I believe I've mentioned, I can't remember I started meditating pretty seriously in December.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: And I'm now like, I'm meditating twice a day.

Nichole: Really getting to know myself.

Nichole: And what it is that I want, and also what it is that I

Daniel: deserve.

Daniel: Mm.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: You had a few people who weren't fitting your cadence.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Yeah. And, you know, is this now is this feedback that goes right into your next edit?

Daniel: Are we going, are we gonna try and temper expectations in the profile?

Nichole: No.

Daniel: Okay.

Nichole: I think that it's gonna differ person to person. I think if that happens. I have a better chance of saying like, Hey, I'm super busy during the day.

Nichole: Like I just don't have time to text very often or to express, you know, what my, to express what I need, like next time around I'll be able to do that. And I did do that to an extent this time. I don't know that I did it early enough.

Laurel: This is maybe in the weeds, but I'm just curious 'cause I've also been observing my, like text communication behavior and realize I'm very much like a match. Like I'll match your energy. And so there are some people I text a lot because they text me a lot. Then most of my partners or people I'm dating are not big texters. Mm-hmm. And so barely text. And that's also like, fine with me, but I'm like, I'm curious, like, like when people text you a lot, is it the like pressure to respond that bothers you?

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: Then I feel guilty. Yeah.

Daniel: And. You are a person who feels guilty about enough things already, like you don't need anything else on your guilty plate. Yeah. I'm always, I'm just trying to like, constantly take things off your guilty plate and you're like, no, I need that.

Daniel: Put it right back on. No, I'm

Nichole: saving that for later. I need to feel bad about that later. I need to trot that out when that experience comes along and I can use it as evidence of how horrible I am.

Daniel: And then we get the meta thing where I'm like um, you know, you feel guilty a lot and you're like, I know I, I really need to work on it.

Nichole: And then you feel different not working on um, yeah. There is exactly one person in the world that I have a daily text conversation with and, you know. Am very cool with saying good morning.

Nichole: And checking in and that's about all I can handle. Yeah. It's that one person

Daniel: and it ain't me.

Laurel: Nope. No you're, you're the one here. Just fucking Good morning, babe. Good morning. Good morning. Good

Nichole: morning. No, it's my best friend. It's not a partner. It's uh, it's 'cause we've known each other for 25 years. Yeah. And she's important to me.

Nichole: So do you guys wanna hear the bad stuff?

Daniel: Wait, I thought we already got to, well, yeah, let's hear the batter stuff. Okay. Batter. Batter Batter. Batter. Batter. Batter. Batter.

Nichole: Okay. So I've been on several dates now, and there have been quite a few where I am not asked one single goddamn question, so it's just somebody monologuing at me so that I get to hear everything about their lives their partner's lives, their family's lives, their diagnoses, their job, their past jobs, God, their fake family from the Ukraine, the,

Laurel: wait, I wanna know more.

Daniel: This reminds me of something that happened to me.

Nichole: Yeah. I just, what is that? What is what People not asking questions. I don't know if it's nerves. I don't know what it is. Yeah. I'm a genuinely curious person and like, you know, I think that. People are interesting and they're only so interesting to a point.

Nichole: Like, Like eventually like, I, I just don't care.

Daniel: Um, This is now achieved the status I think of a Nicole Aphorism. I think that you've said this twice on the podcast. People are interesting to a point.

Laurel: People are interesting in context,

Nichole: I love reading biographies. Yeah. But I don't wanna date a biography.

Nichole: Like,

Daniel: Not even Hamilton.

Nichole: I just, yeah, I just, oh God. Um, So I've had a couple dates where, you know, like they just kind of, yeah. Just monologue at me, whatever. And then I get the text the next day that's like, Hey, had a great time, you know, would love to see you again or whatever. And I have to respond like, yeah.

Nichole: I really appreciate your time. I'm not feeling any chemistry and thank you again I don't wanna ghost them. . . Um, I had one guy, one guy texted me back like. That's interesting. I usually don't feel any chemistry at the beginning, and I'm just wondering if this is the same for you, question mark.

Nichole: It usually takes me a while to get attracted to somebody, blah, blah, blah. Like, He's going on and on. Lemme, Lemme me convince you that you will become attracted to me. It was like he was asking me to explain myself. Mm-hmm.

Nichole: The one question that he fucking asked me was, are you sure

Daniel: you don't like me?

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: The fuck. Wow. And so that is one that I just didn't respond.

Daniel: I feel like you gave a few of these uh, Gabby Gus's uh, more chances than perhaps I would've. If I go on a date with somebody and they don't ask me a single question, which happens pretty fucking often. I do not schedule a second date. Like, Unless they're really hot.

Nichole: I mean, I did give a couple Gabby Gus's some second chances, and third and fourth and fifth and like, you know.

Nichole: Yeah. Um, and there were a couple other red flags with a couple other people, like again, telling me their diagnoses. Like whether it is a totally obscure diagnosis like aia.

Daniel: Wait, isn't that a magical land? Is that from Labyrinth?

Nichole: No, that's the Mickey Mouse one. Because Walt Disney apparently had aphantasia,

Daniel: which is where you can't wait.

Daniel: There actually is a connection. Yes, there is. There is.

Nichole: Okay. Where you imagine you can't imagine that's the like, like you can't visualize things, I guess. So that's what compelled Walt Disney to make animation. That is what this guy told

Laurel: me. don't

Nichole: have an imagination. Let me create an entire company that is built on imagination to the point where like I employ people called imagineers.

Nichole: He basically had to

Daniel: hire a small army of people to imagine for him and like have them work in like sweatshop like conditions.

Nichole: Wow. What, whatever. So okay, there's

Laurel: that, that, but I, okay, wait, was this person also not a question asker? This makes sense. Yes, it makes sense. If they don't have an imagination, how can they imagine what to ask you?

Nichole: But how are they in two long-term relationships? That's what I like, I mean, whatever. A lot, A lot of people put up with a lot of shit. That's true. Yeah. That's true. So there's that, this thing that I've never heard of all the way at the other end of the spectrum is yeah, my therapist said I should check out Codependence Anonymous.

Nichole: That's the kinda shit that I'm like again, I appreciate the candor and that's kind of a red flag for me. If you are actively looking into, maybe I might be codependent.

Laurel: I think that there's a weird phenomena, and I think it happens more in sort of like liberal dating circles where there's this like propensity to build false intimacy based on trauma bonding in like early, very early on.

Laurel: Yes. In relationships. And it's like actually like, uh, not good. See,

Daniel: That's why we stopped watching Star Trek discovery.

Nichole: I have that kind of unveiled relationship with other people in a 12 step program. Yeah. Because we're there for a primary purpose. Yeah. Right. And like there's already that un unspoken understood understanding between the two of us.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah.

Laurel: Here's my thing. , and maybe this is a, a bone to pick, but people have confused vulnerability with trauma dumping. Mm-hmm. Yes. And they've confused like vulnerability with like manipulation of other people's sympathy.

Nichole: Yes.

Laurel: Yeah. And they're not the same

Nichole: thing. Who knows, but I, I have learned a lot about people's horrible childhoods.

Daniel: You should start taking up a fiction writing. It's like a, you got grist for the mill. Now literary fiction is all just trouble porn.

Nichole: So I should do that instead of complaining into a microphone to anonymous people.

Laurel: Yes.

Laurel: Now we're taking the work off of Nicole's plate and we're talking to the suitors suitors, ask some fucking questions.

Laurel: Christ Almighty.

Nichole: I think that going forward, one, I'm back on field because the whole non-monogamy, monogamy thing is apparently difficult on Hinge. Um, Oh, interesting. People don't read and they like you and it says monogamy, and so I'm like, well, they're really cute. Maybe that's a mistake.

Daniel: Yeah, the monogamy was definitely a mistake

Daniel: but,

Nichole: but then I'll connect with 'em. I'll be like, Hey I saw that you listened monogamy I married in poll. Is non monogamy something that you're interested in or something that you are actively exploring?

Nichole: And they go no, but I am interested in fucking you. Yeah. I've literally had that be an answer. So, you know, I think that like, field it takes that Yeah. Like question out of the equation.

Daniel: Yeah. I mean, you're gonna know that they're all interested in fucking you there.

Daniel: So,

Nichole: I mean, no the non monogamy question

Laurel: there, there people have to point out if they're open to monogamy. Yeah. I never see people who are like, I'm monogamous, but they're like open to monogamy. Yeah. It's interesting.

Daniel: If you really wanna pull me into a familiar codependent situation, I would, I could be swayed.

Nichole: I think that. This has given me a lot to work on.

Nichole: Right. Because I have the intention of dating for a relationship rather than dating for sex, that in itself requires that I have to be pretty sure in what it is that I want, and I also really have to let go of the outcome.

Nichole: Sex is easy.

Daniel: For you.

Nichole: Shut up. Like, that's not, I'm not saying like, I'm just saying that like,

Daniel: No, I wasn't saying that. You get sex easily. I'm saying that you, that you're really good at it.

Nichole: Okay. Maybe thank you then

Nichole: I know how to do that. Right. What I don't know how to do necessarily is date for a relationship within polyamory, right? And so while I am, you know, going on like cold open dates, you know, like, I don't know these people. I'm just like dating to meet people at the same time doing a lot of fucking self work.

Nichole: And in both directions within the self and outwardly, I'm just letting go of the outcome. I can put the intention out there that's what I want. But I can't be disappointed when it doesn't happen because I ultimately don't have any control over it.

Daniel: I feel like we're all trying to date like a laurel. You know, they, there was that book that came out a while ago date, like a Buddha, you know. Date like a laurel. No expectations you know, go into it knowing you're gonna meet somebody, you're gonna, you know, discover the, the psychic outline of a weirdo and enjoy it.

Daniel: You only get so many weirdos to meet in your life, so.

Laurel: Yeah. That's

Nichole: true.

Daniel: Yeah. Savor the weirdos nose.

Nichole: I'll close on , like a good date that is not going forward. Right. Met up with this guy. Kind of instantly were able to like, have a rapport together. And he texted me the next day.

Nichole: I was like, Hey, just wanted to check in about our date. I'm not feeling a lot of chemistry there, but just wanted to check in to see how you are feeling about it.

Nichole: And I was like, I'm on the same page. And that feels so good to like mm-hmm. yeah. Um, Say like, yeah, I'm also not feeling chemistry, but I really enjoy talking to you and now I wanna set you up with people.

Nichole: Mm-hmm. 'cause you're delightful. Yeah.

Daniel: If there's. Something that's right there. Almost as delightful as being like, oh, I think you're hot. Oh, I think you're hot too. That mutual spark. It's the mutual lack of a spark. I'm not attracted to you. I'm not attracted to you either.

Nichole: Yeah. I really, I think it's underrated.

Nichole: I really do.

Daniel: What a relief it is. Hey guys, should we ask the amateurs

Ask the Amateurs: If you got questions, don't de.

Laurel: This question comes to us from Stubbert. I intend to have multiple partners, but don't have a lot of time for dating. I'm a little worried my current one partner will get too used to not sharing me and more likely to be jealous later. How do I keep my polyness present in my relationship when I don't have much time for slutty?

Laurel: Slut. Slutty.

Daniel: Slutty.

Laurel: Slut, slut, Slut.

Daniel: Slutty.

Laurel: Slut, slut,

Nichole: Slut.

Nichole: I'm just gonna let you guys keep going. I don't think I

Daniel: can go higher than that.

Laurel: Finally, I outdo you in the musical realm. Okay.

Daniel: Welcome to the musical realm. Woo.

Nichole: So this person is worried that their partner is going to get jealous once they start dating other people because they don't have

Laurel: time,

Daniel: like I've seen this kind of thing happen before with people who are like in grad school, like you know, hey um, or people who are stuck in one of those

Laurel: clear boxes.

Laurel: That is a

Daniel: high pressure

Laurel: situation.

Daniel: People who are like 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Laurel: Yeah, exploring the Titanic in their billionaire pod.

Daniel: I just don't have a lot of time for slutty only pirate treasure. My billionaire pod, there's only one kind of booty I'm looking for. God, it's the heart of the ocean.

Daniel: Um. Maybe this is a poly amateur aphorism. Uh, And just don't worry about it. Like, Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Has your partner Stu have they um, exhibited jealousy that's, you know, has made you feel like this is gonna be a concern?

Daniel: I wouldn't like, anticipate it months to years in advance to try and like head it off at the past. I think that you should try and give them the benefit of the doubt. Express to them, you know, maybe your concerns or worries, tell them what you told us as a first step. And then besides that, I don't know if there's any actions that I would prescribe except for like email us directly at Poly Amateur Hour and you know, we can.

Laurel: Uh, You're gonna make some time.

Daniel: Yeah, Yeah.

Laurel: We'll clear, We'll clear some time in your schedule.

Laurel: Um, I have some prescriptive actions that you can take. Hmm. Which I think you should ale people in public with your partner.

Yeah.

Nichole: What to get them used to the idea that you're attracted to other.

Laurel: Just, Just keep 'em on the, on their toes so they know that you are on the prowl, even if you don't have time to make

Nichole: ends meet.

Nichole: Oh. So when you're running errands with your partner. Yeah. Just like, do double duty, just like, just be like, Hey, kill two birds with one stone. Like that one's a babe. Look, check out that

Laurel: babe. That's a babe.

Daniel: Uhhuh. Alright. I do think that's good advice because that's something that I, that's something that I do with anybody that I'm seeing really.

Daniel: If you're not comfortable you know. Horn dog in the randos with me in public horn,

Laurel: dog in the randos. Hey, let's horn dog, the randos.

Nichole: Is their partner not also dating a bunch of people? Is their partner, does their partner also have limited time?

Nichole: I guess I'm, I am, I'm very Obviously there is nothing you can do that's going to mitigate somebody's feelings, right? Yeah. And somebody's feeling, somebody else's feelings are not your responsibility.

Nichole: Like if they are both entering this relationship as Polly, I would expect there to be some work on behalf of both parties. Right?

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: And also jealousy is gonna happen if jealousy happens. That's just

Laurel: natural. Yeah. It's gonna happen. But you can, you can make sure not to present a false image of your relational intentions. Yes. If you know that you're, you are going to want to date when you have time for it, like it is something worth discussing and like being like proactive and transparent rather than just like, we're cozy, comfy and this is cozy, comfy, and you'll just get used to me.

Laurel: Like being focused on you romantically. Yeah. Exclusively.

Laurel: I understand the sentiment of like, do like doing the future, tripping a little bit and totally knowing that like dynamics will change and that could potentially be hard for somebody.

Nichole: I guess what I'm saying is that dynamics could also potentially change the other way. You know, yeah.

Nichole: Does this mean because are you gonna be so busy that you don't have time to feel jealousy? You know, relationships are dynamic and what would you want in this situation? Right? Yeah.

Laurel: Like now it's like trying to, you're trying to pick apart an anonymous steward, but maybe that is like part of what's coming up for them.

Laurel: Whether or not their partner is actively dating other people. Maybe it's like they know that they could be lulled into a false sense of security.

Daniel: Alright, y'all. I am going to propose a new set of rules for when people write to us, when I don't

Laurel: like rules.

Daniel: Okay. How about this?

Laurel: Rules are bad boundaries.

Laurel: Good. How about this? We'll, just you can write in any question you want. I just might not answer it.

Daniel: Rules is the wrong word. I would like to propose a new set of possibilities.

Oh,

Daniel: it's all in the salesmanship.

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Um, the next time somebody writes in with a question that has not enough detail about their own life, about their partner's life or about their relationship, for us to make a real, poly, amateur, educated gander at what's going on.

Daniel: We get to make up all the details and we,

Daniel: because we have no information on whether or not the partner, the stupid, once removed here is dating or really anything involving their desires I think that we can presume that they are a caged, submissive,

Nichole: oh my

Laurel: god.

Daniel: Caged and collared

Laurel: 24 7. 24

Daniel: 7 and that, so it's off the table

Laurel: and one And one day you're just gonna walk out and not come back. And they're gonna have to coax the cat to get the key for them.

Nichole: This is a horrific

Nichole: scenario. I

Nichole: don't,

Laurel: don't

Daniel: kink shame.

Right.

Daniel: Shall we move along home?

Laurel: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. Sure.

Daniel: I'm really playing the role of Nicole today. And spurring.

Laurel: No, I appreciate it. Spurring movement. Somebody's gotta wear the spurs. I had spurs when I was a child. What did, this wasn't a thing for you guys.

Daniel: I had spurs. Yeah. What?

Laurel: It's like a, it's a Jewish kid thing.

Laurel: Were they sharp? I think the um, is it, I think that we had

Daniel: real spurs. Is it a Jewish kid in the west thing that we both like, I. Road Western style. 'cause like we kind of wanted to be cowboys. Oh, Seattle cowgirl.

Nichole: I wrote English. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. See you had a culture that you could harken back to in, in uh, Anglo-Saxon, we just had a vision of Oklahoma.

Daniel: That was our,

you know,

Daniel: Rogers and Hammerstein Fantasia of the west spurs that jingle. Jangle jingle.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. And Callan's novelties.

Laurel: What are we doing now?

Daniel: We're gonna listen to some songs.

Laurel: Oh. Yay.

Daniel: For, is this Polly? Is

Laurel: this Polly?

Laurel: Are we picking

Is This Poly?!: Is this.

Daniel: This week on as this Polly, we're gonna do one of our song trifectas. The theme this week is Indie Sleaze.

Nichole: Ooh, woo.

Nichole: That was most of 2008 for me. She's just screaming, woo.

Daniel: And she's still screaming since 2008. Usually we only do nostalgia trips for me in the nineties. You know, 'cause I just won't fucking shut up today. The gals get their Indie sleaze moment. Finally uh, can you describe Indie sleaze again for me?

Daniel: For our listeners?

Hmm.

Daniel: You just like wouldn't get it.

Nichole: Yeah I, I can de I can describe the aesthetic so early to mid aughts, a lot of American apparel. PBR lying down on the ground, high flash photography.

Laurel: Is it fair to say like the cross between gutter, punk and metrosexual. That's not

Nichole: bad.

Laurel: It's like grimy but curated grime.



Daniel: So our first song is a recommendation from last week's Stu, who said for an is this poly song. How about fell in love with a girl by the White Stripes? So you write in, we obey, we create an entire theme around your suggestion.

Laurel: If you'd like to feel special, write to us at Poly Amateur hour@gmail.com

Daniel: or enter a recommendation

Laurel: I don't think you can overestimate the power of hearing your question or suggestion. Just chuckle fuck to pieces on our podcast,

Daniel: we've seen people deep in the throes of depression who wrote in, heard us call them stubbert

Laurel: and are cured. They actually found out that there are specific anti-inflammatory properties.

Laurel: Having your question brought up on poly amateur hour,

Daniel: not to mention firmer, longer lasting erections.

Laurel: Firmer, my erection just isn't firm enough. Okay, Bob, try a pillow top.

Laurel: My erection's too firm.

Daniel: It's like people choosing, you know, you to go into the boner store.

Laurel: Uhhuh. Yeah.

Daniel: Lie down on one. Lie down on another. This one's just right,

Nichole: are you gonna say Goldie Cos

Laurel: nobody wishes.



Nichole: I realized that I knew maybe like 45% of those lyrics. Jack White is one of those singers that strings words together. Leaves out consonance. Like, I can't understand what the fuck he's saying.

Daniel: That's why it bears repeating.

Daniel: I mean, it just seems like he is dating somebody who is in an open relationship and he's in love with her. There's no other mention of anything Polly that I can really discern except that , it's not considered cheating but he's in love with her. He seems maybe like he's not. Stoked about this situation, honestly.

Laurel: But she's

Nichole: in love with the world.

Daniel: She is in love with the world. It's true.

Nichole: Yeah. So she's in some kind of open relationship, but he's not,

Laurel: he's confused. He seems confused.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: He's still in the throes of the first exposure to a manic, pixie dream girl. His symptoms are still acute.

Daniel: His heart is still beating

Nichole: It's a very straightforward story. Also, she has red hair. Oh, that

Laurel: changes things a little bit.

Nichole: That's thing, that's something that Jack White was like obsessed with women with red hair, or, it's a theme that comes up over many songs and many albums.

Nichole: Oh, and his wife then ex-wife.

Daniel: Oh. Um, It's like his uh, Tarantino feet.

Nichole: It kind of is when him and his ex-wife got divorced, they threw a party. Cool. They threw like a divorce party, which I thought was kind of cool.

Daniel: And invited Only redheads

Nichole: so he could meet another one.

Daniel: Swap 'em out

Nichole: next. Bryce, Dallas, Howard, or Jessica Chastain.

Nichole: All right. Well, is this Polly?

Laurel: I'm trying to, I'm trying to weave together my tail.

Daniel: Nicole, you wanna go first?

Nichole: I'm gonna say no because I think that he's upset about her being in an open relationship and being in love with the world and having at least one partner named Bobby.

Nichole: Bobby, I think he is mad about Bobby.

Daniel: All

Nichole: right. What do

Daniel: you think?

Daniel: No, it is not Polly. In the sense that the protagonist of the song is not Polly,

Laurel: I was gonna say, This hearkens back to your whole argument for uh, what's that movie?

Daniel: Nowhere.

Daniel: Except nowhere gets a whole speech from the uh, from the POV of the Poly character.

Daniel: For me, a song is a little bit more of like a limited POV than a movie that can follow all these characters around. This feels like, um, the POV that the song is written from is somebody who is not stoked that their new partner is Polly.

Daniel: And simultaneously they're kind of in a little bit a state of wonder about them. Oh my God. They can have multiple partners. They're in love with the world. Um. There's just not enough there, there for me though, to say that the song is poly.

Laurel: There's not enough hair. There.

Daniel: Not enough hair there. There's only just a little strip right above the, the on the pubic bone Stop.

Daniel: The ler.

Laurel: The ler. But you drew it horizontally. Yeah. In the air. You did? Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. That's the CLR is when it's kind of horizontal.

Daniel: Where it's like the shape of a little Charlie Chaplin Hitler mustache.

Laurel: But you called mine a clr and mine's vertical.

Daniel: It, when it first showed up a while ago, it was a little bit more Charlie Chaplin.

Laurel: It was crooked.

Daniel: I, no, it was, it was crooked and more square than like

Laurel: vertical. It wasn't no.

Daniel: Alright pictures.

Laurel: It was, well, there's no evidence anymore.

Daniel: At least we can agree that it was like crooked in the context of it probably had like a Marx Brothers haircut where somebody was like, oh, shorter on this side. Oh no, no. Shorter on this side. Yeah, that is true. Shorter on this side. That is

Laurel: an accurate description of what happened.

Laurel: Anyways, I re I, I resent the implication. Um, I disagree with the premise that like the point of view has to be from somebody happily poly for it to be polyamorous. But there's not enough information about Bobby's girlfriend. To know if she is polyamorous or just engaging in some form of ethical non-monogamy.

Daniel: I think we do have enough information.

Laurel: No, we don't. No, we don't.

Daniel: In that at least the singer is quoting her as saying Bobby doesn't consider it cheating. And so that makes me think that like she is in a relationship with Bobby and that Bobby has some semblance of like control or rules around it too.

Daniel: And that makes me think it's not Polly, but um, form of

Laurel: that's what I was thinking too.

Daniel: Some form of non-monogamy,

Laurel: I think. I think that's probably not what she really said and he just changed it because it fit better in the lyrics. You think this really happened? I think it's a true story and I know Bobby.

Laurel: I'm dating Bobby.

Daniel: If we were sleeping together and if we were just, just imagine and, and I was concerned. I was like, hold that

Laurel: I'm experiencing Fantasia.

Daniel: And I was like, what about your boyfriend, Bobby? And you were like, oh, don't worry. Bobby doesn't consider it cheating. I'd be like, what? Who the fuck cares what Bobby thinks? Well then why did you bring

Laurel: Bobby up? Yeah, you brought Bobby

Daniel: up. Yeah. Why did you bring up Bobby? ?

Daniel: Because you're wearing a T-shirt that says Property of Bobby.

Laurel: All right, that's next. Questionable. What's,

Daniel: because he's your Bobby daddy. What is next? What is next?

Daniel: Next up we've got, you're gonna get mad at me for my French. For my French. French. You're gonna get mad at me for my French pronunciation. Next up we have lamo at by stereo

Laurel: like me and you, no

Daniel: l love of three by stereo.

That's what I fucking said.



Stereo Total: C'est sexy, extatique, crazy, excentrique, animal, romantique. C'est communiste,

Stereo Total: ouh-ouh-ouh-ouh, j'aime l'amour à

Stereo Total: trois. Ouh-ouh-ouh-ouh, j'aime l'amour à trois. Sous-titres réalisés para la communauté d'Amara.org Aaaaaaaaahh

Laurel: Wait, do you think we all have the same translation? I'm very curious.

Daniel: Me What I love is making love, especially with three, I know it's old fashioned. It's totally hippie.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. But I shout it from the rooftops. I love a love triangle. I think that's a shitty translation. Yes. I love the love of three is the literal

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Translation. Four handed caresses if one of the two falls asleep.

Nichole: Aw.

Daniel: The other takes care of me. Aw. Aw. That's a love of three.

Laurel: What's the part where uh, where it's a, a list of. Adjectives.

Daniel: Adjectives. Yeah. Yeah. It's uh, sexy Uhhuh. Ecstatic uhhuh. Crazy. Oh, eccentric.

Nichole: Oh,

Daniel: animalistic.

Laurel: Oh,

Daniel: romantic and communist.

Laurel: I like that. Yeah,

Daniel: I knew you would like that one. Laurel.

Laurel: I think mine is a little more lyrical in the translation.

Nichole: Oh,

Laurel: I love making love.

Laurel: Preferably three way. It's totally outdated. It's hippie shit, but I'll say it out loud. I love three-way love. That is, yeah, that's lyrical my adjectives were sexy, ecstatic, beastly. Animalistic, crazy romantic. It's communist

Laurel: beastly. Yeah. I got beastly.

Daniel: Beastly boys.

Laurel: Le Beastly Boys.

Nichole: Yeah. I mean, it's another song about a threesome, but this time in French

Daniel: there's something a little bit different in its tone. 'cause it feels almost like a um, like a gospel song in the way that it's constructed. Like it's a song of praise. Mm-hmm. About the three-way.

Daniel: To the point where it really gets into like, just chanting at the end, you know, where it's just like Threeway three-way.

Daniel: I love a three way. And I thought because of that, I interpret it a little bit differently than some of the other threesome songs that we've heard that are always directed at. A partner or a third, it's either they're like getting a third to join you or it's like telling your partner that you should invite in a third.

Nichole: It's trying to convince somebody that three ways are okay. This is just a celebration of three ways.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: A

Nichole: I think it's kind of a sweet song.

Daniel: Me too.

Laurel: I like the song.

Laurel: I mean, does it help that it's in French?

Laurel: Yeah. Not for Nicole, but for me,

Daniel: yeah.

Nichole: I think it could be Polly. Wow. I just, she started off with just another song about three ways. I don't know, maybe it's the joyous of the, the, I think it's se that's just like that.

Nichole: Mm-hmm. Like. That's hilarious and feels like kind of poly. And it's like, you know, it's, it's a, it's a communist, non-hierarchical Oh yeah. Anti-capitalist way of working or loving.

Laurel: Yes. Well,

Laurel: They do reference the labor of hand caressing.

Nichole: Yes.

Nichole: Somebody else, Many

Nichole: hands make light work.

Daniel: Yeah. That line, you know, struck me as being more about the way that they're living than just the three-way itself.

Daniel: And then also the fact I. That the song seems to imply that's the only kind of love making that she's really into, or it is the pinnacle for her. It's how she likes it.

Daniel: Makes it kind of like defacto Polly. Like, how do you not be Polly if the only type of sex that you're into and the thing that really satisfies you is, is group sex?

Nichole: I mean, I'm gonna say I think it's, I think it's poly.

Laurel: I don't think that you have to be Polly to want three ways.

Nichole: I don't think so either. I guess I just really appreciate the exuberance and the celebration of it.

Nichole: And maybe I want to claim it as poly because it is in that celebration exuberance space. Because it is C 60.

Daniel: Yeah. Of all the. Polly, your non-monogamous songs we've looked at, it may be the only one that is just like a pure celebration of some form of non-monogamy. Yeah. You know, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say yes to. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go on Nicole's what is it? Fan Fantasia journey. I can imagine. I can imagine. We're

Laurel: gonna get so many angry letters from the uh, FAIC community.

Laurel: I bet you got

Nichole: that right though. But that, I bet they're called the fa magor. Yeah,

Nichole: what do you think, Laurel?

Laurel: I, I like it. I think it's a fun celebration of the three way. I don't think it's Polly. Okay.

Daniel: Stick in the mud.

Daniel: So next step to complete the Indie Sleaze trilogy, we have girls, girls, boys by Panic at the disco.



Laurel: I think this is just bisexual slander.

Nichole: What the fuck was that?

Nichole: What was that? Am I dumb?

Daniel: There's a lot going on. I'm not sure that I can parse out all the relationships in this song.

Daniel: Maybe it was written with the cutup technique.

Nichole: Oh really? The Marshall McCluen. Like

Daniel: I do find it confusing. The sophisticated, manipulated um,

Nichole: yeah, I don't know what that means.

Daniel: I am just a villain of vying for the attention of a girl. A girl who can't decide.

Daniel: But he doesn't want to be her boyfriend either. He wants to push her girlfriend aside, but he doesn't want to be her boyfriend. He just doesn't want her to have a girlfriend.

Nichole: Or he's willing to like be her beard.

Laurel: I feel like he doesn't wanna date her, but he doesn't wanna be her beard. But he's, I don't wanna be your beard,

Laurel: but he seems salty about being her beard but doesn't want to date her, but doesn't want her to reject him, but is also mad that she can't like, make up her mind between her girlfriend and him

Daniel: and does the song pause it that all women are bisexual too. Girls love girls and boys and that's just the problem.

Daniel: Hey women. Huh? They, They're all so bisexual

Laurel: Mar, right?

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: I don't think she's bisexual. I think she's. Gay and he's a beard and he's mad about it because he wants to fuck her, but doesn't want a relationship with her. I don't know who this Mr. Panic is, but what a douche.

Nichole: But also, you know, love is not a choice. Oh, which is a very fucking target. A it feels very like, I don't want to be your beard, but also your love is valid and you are real. And I see you. Here's a rainbow and an end cap to celebrate your sexuality in the month of June.



Daniel: Fuck.

Daniel: That's one that I, that's one, that's one that I am gonna have to put some music behind.

Laurel: I get the vibe that he's whining. But Do you get whining by like, I feel like he's whining about this, but I don't really know why that was. All of the mid

Nichole: aughts. It was just us whining all the time.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: Like it got me uh, nostalgic for eighties whining. I was like, oh, this is like just close enough to Depeche mode to make me feel right. I

Nichole: feel like that's pining though. Like the eighties had pining and we had whining.

Daniel: And now we have chirping.

Nichole: I am just confused. I'm confused. I don't even know what's happening in the song, so I dunno that I can say if it's Polly or not.

Daniel: We don't know if it's Polly, but it's bad. This is on all polyamorous, like fucking playlists. What? Yeah. This is how I eventually ended up at the song trying to complete our triptych.

Nichole: Am I an idiot?

Daniel: I mean, don't ask questions that you don't want the answer for.

Laurel: There's a lady and he doesn't wanna hear no excuses, but he also doesn't wanna be her boyfriend, but she likes girls. But doesn't want the media to find out. And so maybe she like, takes a picture with him, the media.

Laurel: She doesn't want, she doesn't want the big media to find out, oh, is this Jodi Foster? Oh, this is totally Jodi fo. Oh yeah,

Nichole: that's who he's singing to. That's who he's singing. He's well, I don't like, I I wanna fuck you Jodi Foster and I kind of wanna kill the President on your behalf. That's,

Daniel: is this another, is this another, uh, Hinkley

Laurel: This is not Polly, but it's a hundred percent Hinkley,

Daniel: which is also a question that I ask people that I'm interested in dating. So, uh, are you Hinkley, are you hink positive?

Nichole: You got a hankin for some Hinkley?

Laurel: Oh, man. Yeah. Well now it all makes sense. Yeah.

Daniel: Not Polly.

Nichole: I can't say one way. Yeah. Not Polly. 'cause I don't understand it. Nope.

Laurel: No. Daniel doesn't like it when I'm terse. No,

Daniel: that's, that is not, oh my God. I don't like it when I'm like, do you wanna hang out? And you're like,

Nichole: no.

Daniel: To be fair, call me.

Nichole: Call me. Fucking crazy. Yeah. To be super fair, I don't know anybody who loves that. It's like, oh my God, be mean to me. Oh my God. Yes. I want monosyllabic answers. That really gets me off.

Daniel: I mean, I do know some people who answer that

Laurel: It was three words. It was four.

Daniel: Yeah. The fourth was asshole.

Daniel: No, I don't Asshole.

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