Laurel: It's so nice and cozy. Now that we have the curtains up,

Daniel: velvet curtains,

Laurel: I like our cozy room.

Daniel: I like cozy room. Cozy room. Cozy room. I

Laurel: like a cozy room. Cozy room. A cozy room

Daniel: to nest.

Laurel: Nest.

Daniel: I like, oh, it's going on. Okay.

Laurel: Anyways, that was embarrassing for you. Yeah,

Daniel: I think that Laurel's singing is coming along nicely.

Laurel: I think so too. I feel more confident. Thanks to Poly Amateur Hour, I can finally sing in public

Laurel: you know, I realized like I'm really scared to perform pole. Mm-hmm. Especially like performing solo. Like I'll perform with a group and somebody else makes the choreography and stuff. I'm really scared to perform by myself. , I definitely won't freestyle. That's terrifying.

Daniel: When I was at this, , event with you mm-hmm. Last night, the pole dancing event.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Every time they kept asking, so if anybody wants to freestyle at the end of the evening Yeah. You kept poking me. No, I kept thinking, should I get up and rap?

Laurel: You should have. They probably would've gotten him kick out of it.

Daniel: Just a complete misunderstanding of the rules of the game.

Laurel: Like, yeah, I'll do it.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: I

Laurel: would've hollered at you.

Daniel: I feel like I would only do that if I could freestyle rap and freestyle pole at the same time.

Laurel: We do have stripper oaky events.

Nichole: is that singing karaoke while someone is stripping?

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. Someone does karaoke and someone else freestyles. It's not at the same time. At the same time.

Nichole: No. I mean, oh, you don't?

Nichole: Yeah. Stripper is not, also, not the kara doing, doing karaoke.

Daniel: honestly, I would go to a lot more karaoke events if,

Nichole: if that were the case.

Daniel: Yeah. If the singer had to strip,

Nichole: we do have. Some very sex forward karaoke events in Portland. We have Stripper Oak, we have Naked Karaoke. Yeah. In Sanctuary.

Daniel: Oh my God. This is the most Portland fucking thing ever. Right? It really is

Laurel: why do one thing well, when I could do two things poorly.

Daniel: That is the next, , tagline of our podcast. , , that's also our definition of polyamory.

Laurel: That's pretty good.

Nichole: So welcome to Poly Amateur Hour. I'm Laurel. I'm Daniel. I'm Nicole,

Laurel: and we have an exciting guest today.

Daniel: Oh my God. I was excited before we recorded this segment, and now I'm even more excited now that we've done it. And it's like, ooh.

Daniel: Yeah, we struck comedy gold bling bling bling, bling bling. today we have the, where, where can I get some good adjectives? , oh. From one of those unicorn hunter profiles. Oh, yeah. The, in that case, the sensual magnetic insatiably. Curious Sam Kat. AKA shrimp teeth. Sure. Amp teeth.

Nichole: Sam wrote a book. Polyamorous advice you won't get from your monogamous friends. And we all went to the, book release party. Yeah. At a local sex shop. Yeah. A few weeks ago. And it was delightful.

Nichole: It was delightful.

Nichole: And I'm really glad that I went because it was one of the few times I've been in a room of polyamorous or poly adjacent people who weren't there to hook up with each other.

Nichole: They were just there to, talk about polyamory. Yeah. I mean,

Daniel: except for me and Laurel.

Nichole: You were scoping the audience to see Yeah, yeah. We

Daniel: were there to hook up. Mm-hmm. Yeah,

Nichole: I tried.

Daniel: Yeah, we resorted to going home with each other at the end of the evening, but,

Nichole: all right. Well, I was there,

Laurel: we had a great time. And then, yeah, we harassed Sam afterward and asked her to be on the podcast. We wooed, we wooed Sam into submission.

Nichole: I,

Laurel: I

Nichole: excused myself from that conversation. I let you two just like go, I,

Laurel: I dove in there and I was like, if this is really inappropriate, please feel free to chastise me publicly right now, but would love if you came on our podcast.

Laurel: And she did. And she did, even though she's like about to move outta the country in a couple of weeks.

Daniel: We hope we gave her one good memory of a of America to take with her.

Daniel: We can't be all bad, right, right, right.

Laurel: Please tell us we're good.

Daniel: Without further ado, we're gonna start with a little segment that we like to call Practical Poly.

Daniel: our segment where we talk to people in the poly community who are providing some kind of valuable service to the poly community.

Daniel: In Sam's case, it's that she is an author.

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: A peer support provider. Mm-hmm. And just an all around awesome human being. Yeah. Yeah. Thank, thank you for enriching our lives with your awesomeness, Sam.

Nichole: Thank you, Sam.

Daniel: Thank you Sam. Thank you Sam. Kat.

Nichole: Oh, he's gonna write a song. Fuck.

Daniel: Here. We.

Daniel: Cat.

Laurel: Yeah.

Laurel: And roll tape.

Laurel: I rubbed my topical hormones on this morning. Okay. Twice. 'cause I had to shower sooner than I thought.

Daniel: Rubbing between the thighs, like a cricket noise happens. Right.

Laurel: I rubbed it on my belly today. Aw. I don't know why you came out so cute. Yeah, it's adorable.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: Hey Sam.

Hey.

Daniel: Thank you so much for coming down into our, luxurious Twin Peaks Black Lodge basement

Sam: It's a vibe. I like it. You don't, you don't have to like it. Okay. Okay. I can't come out swinging gimme a minute to warm up. Okay. Fair. I fair. Already thinks I'm a little aggressively bitchy. Like, you know, we ease into it.

Daniel: This is a safe space for you, Sam. Thank you Sam. And an unsafe space for everyone else. Perfect. That's what I love. Yeah. I feel like your, online presence is very warm and there's some kindness , And we wanna just make room for you to swing hard in the other direction and judge Perfect.

Daniel: Anyone who is not. I love that. Yeah.

Sam: It's funny you say that 'cause everyone's like, oh, you must be such a sweet person. Like, you're so kind and understanding. I'm like, how? I don't know if that's what I'm putting out. Honestly. I think sometimes I'm just like taking shots, but also like, the pile on shit on the comments.

Sam: , Sometimes you're just like, I'm gonna delete this before everything starts. Oh. Like coming in, shoot. You know, like over time you just kind of learn to be a little bit. More filtered some people are like, oh, engagement is all that matters. I'm like, no, I'm trying to live a hassle-free lifestyle.

Sam: I don't Yeah, yeah. Want people yelling at me? It's fucking five in the morning. Can we relax a little bit? But yeah, yeah, yeah.

Daniel: I cannot imagine having a window into any part of me that's like a hundred thousand people. It's

Laurel: weird. It's weird what a hundred thousand people feel entitled to.

Laurel: Yes, yes. , I don't really wanna like jump on this horse, but , there are plenty of times in each of our lives where somebody, and sometimes we extrapolate this to be a certain demographic of people feel very entitled to us.

Mm-hmm.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Imagine that amplified.

Laurel: A thousand fold on the internet and then it's the people who really think they're like the white knights on the fucking internet uhhuh who go the hardest feeling entitled to your shit.

Nichole: I don't think Sam has to imagine. ,

Sam: I was gonna say, it's not to get like super political immediately, but like recently had like Zionist Barbie just pop up bms. What? And I was like, how'd you even find me? Like what is happening? You know? You just get like some of the most random like niche influencers.

Daniel: You remember when there was the, , hipster business name generator where it was just like stream by stream and spear?

Daniel: Yes. This is the uh, this is the like influencer niche. Yes. Uh, Like dice that you just, you roll a couple. Absolutely. And you're like, Zionist, Barbie. Barbie.

Sam: Oh my god. Shrimp dentist.

Okay. So people,

Nichole: people ask you all the time. All the time. All the time. All the time. So Sam your online presence, the username is shrimp teeth. Right. Where did the name come from? Where

Sam: did the name come from? Yeah.

Daniel: You were bit by a radioactive shrimp

Sam: close. Okay. Close. No, my, you bit a

Nichole: radioactive shrimp.

Sam: Oh.

Nichole: Ooh, ooh. And you saved everyone. See, I, I imagine it. Two ways. I'm like, is it a shrimp with teeth or is it teeth made of shrimp?

Sam: No, it was like my dream vocation in college. Like I am going to be a shrimp orthodontist.

Ah, do they have

Sam: teeth? I don't know. Did it matter? No. I was studying design. They're like, make a business website for yourself. And I said, I got this teeth cleaning for crabs. I got you teeth cleaning for lobsters. Let's go braces for shrimp. Who knows? Amazing. And then it's like, you have the domain name.

Sam: 'cause I registered it for fucking ever. And then I was like, shit, I'm not paying for another one. So then it just, and it's that thing of like, I didn't expect this to be a. Thing. Yeah. Like the non-monogamy website stuff. Yeah. So it was like shrimp dentist who gives a fuck and yeah. You just

Daniel: wanted to be a shrimp dentist.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah.

Sam: Exactly. And honestly, I should have been a shrimp dentist. Like I assume it pays better than what I get paid now.

Daniel: And obviously you're not gonna have a hundred thousand people feeling really entitled to a shrimp dentist,

Sam: You never know. Maybe, maybe the shrimps just, yeah.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: They do swarm.

Daniel: I hear

Laurel: exactly honestly, I get a lot of shrimp content served to me. Do you really? I, I do. 'cause I have a partner who is specifically interested in shrimp and based on our conversations over Instagram, it starts serving me shrimp content.

Daniel: I just think you have. Such a proclivity for the fucking animal. Content starts with bats, then anything cute with a tongue.

Laurel: Yeah. And

Daniel: then the algorithm is like, oh my god. Desperate. Okay. Uh, What are we gonna serve up to Laurel today? Fuck. Shrimp.

Laurel: Shrimp, shrimp. Yeah. And that's how I stumbled upon you.

Sam: I was like, is your partner the one who keeps sending me every shrimp related post? 'cause there is someone in my dms like that. It's, they're like, it's like everything they come across, I'm just like, it might be love. Thank you.

But what the

Sam: fuck? Would you, would you

Laurel: like me to ask him to stop? No. Keep it coming.

Nichole: So I'm sure our listeners like know who you are, but maybe we could give a little intro into shrimp teeth. Sam Kat.

Sam: Me? Yes.

Daniel: We kind of want some of the juicy origin story, like I was Yeah.

Daniel: Juicy Origin stories, because one of the things as I'm reading the book, I was like, , where's all the biographical stuff? I was like, okay, this is our chance. This is what's not included in the book.

Sam: It's what's not included in the book. Yeah. Yeah. Where did this start? the story is not like that. Interesting. I don't wanna start off being like you guys are gonna fall asleep listening to this. Please stay. We'll put some rock music behind it. Don't worry. Yeah. Thank you.

Sam: Perfect. My hardcore origin story. Yeah, I mean, it was just pretty simple my. Long-term best friend. And I just trying to date, eventually moved in together and we're like, shit, well, like this whole don't ask, don't tell thing is not gonna fly.

Sam: Like yeah. . And then it was just like, now that we're doing official polyamory,

Sam: it was just stressful at that time and I was doodling about it, posting it on this account that had like. No one, and then all of a sudden there was a lot of people. And immediately people were just like, Hey, I need help, help. And I was like, okay, I don't know what I'm doing either.

Sam: So, kind of like you all right? Like it's, yeah, yeah. You start off amateurish and then over time it just you learn to navigate these conversations a little bit better. Mm-hmm. So,

Daniel: yeah. And then even when we're like experts, we're still saddled with our, with our branding.

Sam: I love that. You'll have to kind of change it to semi am.

Nichole: So was that your first experience with. Non-monogamy,

Sam: Like of official. Mm-hmm. Non-monogamy. Right. I think a lot of people like us, it's hard to stay monogamous. Yeah. I remember struggling with the concept of monogamy, like from my very first relationship.

Sam: Mm-hmm. 15, 16 years old, being like, I don't think I can do this forever. Part of it was like being gay obviously, and being like, I cannot see myself with this boy, which. Spoiler, we're not together anymore. , over time it was just kind of like, I don't know that this works period.

Sam: Right? Like that feeling doesn't go away. Even if you meet like really great people, you're like, it's not you. It's just this whole concept of being stuck in a relationship we talked a little bit the other day about watching really shitty reality tv dating reality shows and being like, oh, y'all are miserable.

Sam: Like you create a world of misery and hypervigilance in your possessive monogamy. I can't Yeah. Do that. That would drive me absolutely bananas.

Laurel: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a phenomenal waste of

Daniel: energy.

Sam: Yes. Truly don't you think?

Daniel: what of the more Surprising and interesting concepts that I stumbled upon in your book was the idea that you can look at serial monogamists as Oh yeah, sequential polyamorous.

Sam: Right. I got shit on for this. Oh, really? Really deeply. But I don't think it's that far of a stretch. Right. Yeah. No, I don't think it's that crazy to think that, especially nowadays, like people are having like 2, 3, 4, 5 husbands, wives, partners. Like, why are we acting like this isn't happening and that this can't be an actual legitimate relationship preference?

Sam: And the second I said that, people were like, how dare you date somebody that you know you're not gonna be with long term? Like, you're just wasting their time. I da da. I don't know guys. Like, I think there's some more mature way of handling these conversations. Yeah.

Nichole: Were those attacks coming from.

Nichole: The non-monogamous audience, the not

Sam: the

Nichole: monogamous audience? Both. I think the,

Sam: I think the response from monogamous people was like, this is obviously unethical. Like, I am proposing that people ruin the sanctity of, , monogamy by having multiple sequential monogamous relationships. And then from the poly people, they're like, don't bastardize the term polyamory.

Sam: This isn't that. But again, I think it's really easy to believe there's only one structure. There's only one way that people are dating and fucking, if you don't have conversations with a lot of people on a daily basis, but after a while you're like, oh no,

Sam: there is a whole load of people who prefer this structure. That's not that crazy to think about it.

Daniel: I wasn't necessarily thinking that you were saying. Hey, people go out and call yourself polyamorous what it struck me as is like a way to look at the ways in which people are reaching for polyamory, maybe before they're really actually there, and so they're just like, okay, maybe if I flip through this flip book really quick.

Laurel: Well that that was the way that I practiced serial monogamy before I found polyamory.

Laurel: Yes, for sure. I think even right before that section you talk a little bit about , , well, if you have multiple friends that you love, if you have multiple family members, you love that it in and of itself is polyamory. If you're just talking about like strictly like definitionally.

Laurel: Sure. Yeah. You love multiple people. Multiple people. And so it's sort of a way like broaden someone's perspective on their own capacity. Yeah. For multiple loves. And I think it's so funny, like how much pushback you get for that 'cause like. What I love about polyamory and also like my sexuality in general is the fluidity of it, right?

Mm-hmm.

Laurel: And that it doesn't have to be boxed in exactly to any particular constraints or even particular like nomenclature. Like I call myself queer because it felt the most fluid. Yeah. And confusing of words, but I read this whole fucking Poly AM Reddit post where people were just arguing about the definition of mono polly relationships.

Laurel: Really? Oh, yeah. And I'm just like, , wait guys, didn't we all come here so we didn't have to argue about this shit?

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And I think

Nichole: it's kind of a hangover from monogamy culture. Totally. Right? Yeah. It's like having any kind of strict definition of anything even in a fluid environment, that word fluid. I know now my favorite now

Daniel: that we're all discussing it, we are all now fluid bonding at this table.

Nichole: But I think that even in spaces where you have people who are committed to expansion. Yeah. You still are going to have, the knee jerk reaction of the monogamous culture. Like, we have to put a label on this. And I experienced that in mm-hmm.

Nichole: Relationships all the time. And I experienced that with people looking in on our relationships. 'cause Daniel and I are married. Right. And so it's like. It just happens. Yeah.

Daniel: Reading your book, it, It is one of the most expansive documents of the possible definitions , like it's a map of all the highways, but also the back alleys, the tiny Parisian roos of non-monogamy could possibly exist to like encompass all possible.

Daniel: Yeah. Relational dynamics. Like there's a little on ramp for everyone , in this book. Yes. Like you expand it way, way, way to the corners. Right. Which I really like.

Nichole: I really feel like you were very generous the way that you invite people into the conversation is very generous.

Laurel: I wouldn't be so generous.

Nichole: We, we aren't so generous that that's fair. There's an entire episode where I'm very angry the whole time and making That's okay. Very like

Daniel: declarative statements,

Nichole: babe.

Daniel: There's a lot of episodes where you're doing that

Nichole: every episode. Episode. But I had a really good point um, generous. There was, yes.

Nichole: The section where you talk about, veto power. Mm-hmm. Right. You lay it out with like, in my experience, this really doesn't work. Right. I'm not gonna stop you. Yeah. And here are the ways that it could work, but in my experience it does.

Nichole: It just very, it felt very generous. Yeah. Instead of coming out so strong with like, any veto is the worst thing you could possibly do, which I think I've said out loud.

Sam: I think I kind of believe that personally. Yeah. Right. When we are originally formulating this book, I had pitched it to them as more of like a 200 level, like more of a mm-hmm.

Sam: Slightly more advanced book. Talking about like how relationships are impacted by our social structures. Mm. Mm-hmm. this publisher wanted something that's a little bit more beginner friendly.

Sam: Mm-hmm. And so this is where we ended up in this middle point where, like you said, trying to invite people into this much larger conversation while still keeping it accessible for people who don't know. Because like I work with a ton of couples that are brand new to non-monogamy that need veto power to feel secure. Mm-hmm. Now, whether or not that's ethical or not, like that's not the conversation we're having. Yeah. They're saying like, we fundamentally need this to dip our toes into it. So then I go at it from like, listen, so let's think of this as like a temporary agreement, right? Mm-hmm. Just for a couple of months while you get your, feet wet and just reassess after a little bit. 'cause you're not gonna end up happy if you actually do employ this. But again, I think for a lot of people, just having the opportunity to have.

Sam: Theoretical veto power. Right. It's that sense of control that they Yes. Need,

Laurel: yeah. And it's sort of like the difference between telling somebody to like cold Turkey do a 180 on their life and their entire like relationship system beliefs.

Laurel: Yeah. Versus like, okay, let's like wean away from this. Right. And And I think that's always like, the sort of. Farcical relationship advice On internet posts kind of thing. Where it's like, okay, well you're wrong and you need to adopt my mm-hmm.

Laurel: Ethics. Mm-hmm. And worldview regardless of like where you are actually living in yourself and in your environment. Yeah. And like the truth is, we're people, right? Yeah. We're people with our fucked up shit and we need to deal with that in our own ways a lot of times. Yeah. Like,

Nichole: Should we talk about somebody's fucked up shit.

Daniel: Do you have some fucked up shit?

Nichole: No, I mean, oh, you wanna, somebody's question.

Laurel: Oh. Wanna ask some amateurs?

Laurel: Is it time? Yeah, sure.

Laurel: Hey guys,

Daniel: you Yeah. Yes, friend.

Laurel: Hey guys, should we ask the amateurs

Nichole: We do have one person here who is not an amateur, but you're gonna play along.

Sam: Thought so. I think I'm an amateur.

Daniel: I feel like Sam's brand is kind of a professional amateur Oh, yeah. Polyamorous advice you wouldn't get from your. Monogamous Friends. Friends. Yes. You're the world's polyamorous friend. Yeah. Which is different than the world's girlfriend, which is something that we,

Laurel: that I get to be.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: this is Laurel's special title. She only gets in the confines of this special velvet cave

Daniel: For those of you at home, we have recently updated our pod corner to have velvet curtains. There will soon be more velvet curtains. We will soon be surrounded by velvet curtains.

Sam: ,

Sam: You might need to hire me to do your curtain work. Oh, yes. Yeah. Sam does have, Excellent curtain work.

Daniel: So Sam, for the sex shop that they work for, they asked her to hang some curtains and then, you know what came back, , half an hour later and then the room is just filled with fucking vulvas.

Sam: Yes. Pussy drapes. Yeah. Pussy drapes. Yes. I said we need meaty curtains in here. And don't worry, I got this.

Daniel: Is it true that pussy drapes was the alternative? No. D plume shrimp teeth?

Sam: Hell yeah. Drapes. I'm changing it now. You be like pussy drapes. LLC.

Sam: Alright. All

Daniel: right.

Daniel: So this question comes to us from Instagram.

Daniel: Which is one of the many ways you can get ahold of us. You can,

Laurel: you can

Daniel: Philip the form.

Laurel: Fill up the form. What?

Daniel: I'm sorry. I'm just learning to use my mouth.

Laurel: You're, you're cut off. If you'd like to ask us a question, you can reach out to us anonymously online on our website@polyamateurhour.com.

Laurel: You can send us an email at poly poly po poly amateur hour@gmail.com. It's

Daniel: catching.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Or you can send us DM on Instagram. The way that this Stu did. And we have chosen, , a steward that says a lot of really nice flattering things about us. Just so

Laurel: we can read that,

Daniel: just so we can read that for you.

Daniel: Sam, just so you know,

Nichole: please know people like us. All right. Hi amateurs. I am very new to listening to you, chuckle Fucks and Nicole, and even newer to the realization that I'm probably Polly for a little context. Before my ex and I officially started dating, I led a very casual and independent love life, a self-proclaimed slut.

Nichole: He and I were together monogamous and largely not having sex, but that's a whole other he wouldn't admit. He's ace can of worms, all right? For about seven increasingly toxic years. I broke up with him a couple months ago and I've been calling this my journey of re self-discovery. I had a big aha moment of unintentionally connecting my personal dots while listening to your show.

Nichole: I didn't know that there were established vocab words that lined up so perfectly with the invented fantasy definition of my ideal relationship structure. A description that I had always intuitively held in my brain for what makes sense to me.

Nichole: I texted my friend about it, God dammit, have I been envisioning kitchen table shit this whole time without even knowing, oh man, does this mean I have to go get that yellow book now? To which they laughed and said, yes, I know slash hope my dots will continue to connect because it feels like I'm on the right track.

Nichole: So do you have any poly aha moments where something clicked for you and you realized it felt right slash true to you? I've enjoyed listening to you goofs so much and the show has already started meeting a lot to me, so thanks,

Laurel: Thanks Stu. Thanks Stu. I was talking about this earlier but Sam's, book is also yellow.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. And it is in fact more yellow. More yellow mm-hmm. Than Poly Secure. So I don't know, maybe you wanna start there? Yeah. Is just all I'm saying.

Daniel: If you're gonna buy only one yellow book this year,

Laurel: buy the

Sam: most yellow book, obviously the yellows.

Nichole: So. Aha moments. Aha moments. Aha. Something that clicked for you.

Laurel: I've told this story like lots of times, but a lots of times. Lots of times. Are you making fun of my Italian heritage?

Laurel: Because you respectful. You know,

they will

Laurel: come out. They will. Yeah.

We've talked about that. And that's not a dig on your heritage. I'm just genuinely scared of your family. Babe. Sleep with

Daniel: cheese next to your bed. You sleep with the cheese or you sleep with the fishes? Yeah,

Laurel: this is true. I don't get it.

Laurel: Oh, my uncle is extremely allergic to cheese and he is extremely Guido. New York , Italian Uhhuh.

Daniel: So we were saying the way to protect me from them coming after me is to sleep with cheese. Is to sleep with cheese.

Laurel: It makes sense. Anyways, um, similar to what Sam was describing earlier of being in relationships when I was very young and being like, monogamy doesn't make sense to me.

Laurel: I I didn't even really understand , exclusivity, but I was just like along for the ride. 'cause that's what people did and there was no other paradigm. And it wasn't until I was, well into my marriage. My monogamous at the time marriage that I read an article in The Atlantic that was about a polyamorous throuple, , in Seattle, raising a child together.

Laurel: and that was the first time I saw the word polyamorous. I think the first time I had really seen , any content that wasn't about sex, or like pornography that revolved around three people having a romantic, sustained relationship with each other. I finally had a search term. And so I scoured the internet for polyamory, , in a private browser. But everything, was just , like one wave of recognition after another of like, holy shit. There are people doing this. There are other people who thought this way, not just in sort of like a fantastical , , magic fairyland.

Laurel: Like Stu is kind of saying like, oh, I thought this was just a fantasy. Mm. That was when my life changed.

Daniel: Oh, Ray of light descends from

Laurel: Yes. And then ensue years of turmoil and depression.

Daniel: I feel like mine was so less, Wonderful and ethical and altruistic and cool

and like

Daniel: being exposed to the idea of it. I dated a person who simultaneously introduced me to all possible alt sexuality possibilities at once, and I was not fucking ready.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. They were non-binary

mm-hmm.

Daniel: They were, , queer.

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: They were kinky.

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: And they were poly and they liked to pur like a cat during sex.

Laurel: Oh, okay. All right.

Daniel: And I was like, furry.

Daniel: Adjacent. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe even proto furry. I feel like this was in the, years before, there weren't conventions definitely going on. Yeah. So might've been the first. The original furry. The

Laurel: original Wow.

Daniel: fur aau. So

Sam: I don't like that

Daniel: I was blown away.

Sam: Yeah.

Daniel: And at the time, like I reacted like any fucking monogamous emo boy in the very early OTTs would, I was like, I don't know if I can do this, but I'm getting weird feelings that I like. Things didn't work out, but stuck in my head like a princess and the pea kind of situation for years as something that was possible.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. And then I also wanted to share one other thing that was like a, Like a negative aha moment.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: During one of these relationships , where I got into it and I was trying to open it up right. But the first date that I went on with anybody,

Laurel: Outside of your couple?

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Outside of your dad.

Daniel: The first date that I went on came home from this date. And, we weren't even out very late. Mm-hmm. We didn't, go home together. There was no sexual activity. , But , because my partner had texted me or something and I had not texted back.

Daniel: I had plans to go over to her house later and I just showed up there and she was in just the well of , toxic, monogamy, terror like writing on the mirror with lipstick energy. Like, it was like, what have you been doing? You weren't texting me back.

Daniel: And that was the beginning of the end of that relationship. 'cause I was like, I do not want to. Ever have to do this again like, feel like I'm hurting somebody just by doing something that , we've discussed and and is liberating for you.

Daniel: Yeah. , So yeah, that was my negative aha moment. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And between those two, here you are, the polarities have been repelling and attracting me ever

Laurel: since. Yeah. Yeah. Do you wanna reverse them and increase the strength of the Deflector Shield so we can ward off the clingons? And there it is.

Nichole: There is the Star Trek reference for this episode.

Nichole: Is it my turn? Yes, sure. Should I? Okay.

Daniel: this is the most organized question answer we've ever had. Yeah. 'cause

Nichole: you two chuckle fucks are showing off for Sam.

Nichole: You're like, look at how organized we could be. I was gonna

Sam: say like, the episodes I listened to y'all, I was like, this is not the vibe. I don't know what I've done to fuck with y'all's energy, but like, I'm sorry. I feel like we're giving uh, too much structure there.

Daniel: It, it's all right.

Daniel: We're gonna title the episode Pussy drapes, and then we'll be really on brand. Brand. Fuck. Yes.

Nichole: All right.

Nichole: In my early twenties I dated multiple people at the same time. But I never really, I wouldn't say I committed to any of them. So it wasn't necessarily like a polyamorous relationship structure. And, , years later, I start to date Daniel and one of the first things he tells me is that he's non monogamous.

Nichole: And I was like, cool. I've never done that formally. Mm-hmm. I would like to try that

Daniel: first. You get a bow tie.

Nichole: And then, and then spats. So, so it was offered Nicole

Daniel: a corsage come with me on this journey.

Nichole: So, in the first like couple years of our relationship, it was definitely, Daniel was more active than I was, we would hook up with people, the same people. Mm-hmm. I never really had any relationships outside of our relationship , I was always like, Ugh, God, dating is the fucking worst.

Nichole: Why would I waste my time doing that? I think for the first couple of years of our, our relationship, I was working through some major depression and then suddenly, like I got a new job and I got a new lifestyle. And all of a sudden I just had this energy of like, oh,

Nichole: maybe I have more to give other people and maybe other people want a piece of that. Hmm. Yeah. Gimme a piece of that. Apparently not right now, but you know, back then it was a thought that I had.

Daniel: Nicole wants us to start a speed dating service just so she can get laid.

Nichole: No, I wanna host it and then pick my own.

Nichole: Nicole wants to be magic. You got the, you got

Daniel: the run of the room,

Nichole: look at me, look at me. So I really started to like enter into, , this space , of actually dating people. And I got all of the books and I listened to all of the podcasts and I read all the blogs and, 'cause this is something I enjoy, right?

Nichole: I really enjoy research and I enjoy, weirdo, I know, except everybody here does freaky weirdo. She also likes. Supermarkets a lot. Who doesn't? I don't. They're incredibly organized. I avoid them like the plague, I get my groceries delivered. Okay. there needs to be people like you in the world.

Nichole: I think there are people like me in the world, not in this room, but there are people. Well, there's you, we have you. There's, I'm the only one.

Daniel: Sam's book is so inclusive. There is, , a chapter on people who like supermarkets.

Sam: Like if grocery shopping is your king, Nicole, other people are out there. Don't be embarrassed.

Sam: It's okay. Trader Joe's is weird, but that's all right.

Daniel: It's okay if you wanna go to two or three supermarkets in a row.

Nichole: No, literally I have my whole thing. I go out to the one on the hundred second. No what? Because that's where the cheap stuff is. And then I go, I take the, it's a whole thing. Uhhuh judging.

Nichole: I'm not judging. I

Sam: deeply enjoy. You just found the thing that is like. Such a cunt about grocery so much. It's literally why I'm moving out of the us. I'm not even joking. I'm like, I cannot fucking deal with Trader Joe's anymore.

Nichole: I mean, they do too. Talk get me in

Sam: Portland. They do talk

Nichole: too much to you at

Sam: Trader Joe's.

Sam: So much.

Daniel: Oh my God. The French grocery store experience is so fucking different than I have anything I have ever experienced before since people dress up to go to the grocery store in France

Nichole: and you have to kind of, they look nice and presentable. Yes.

Daniel: And you, you, you like engage with the person. You do not.

Daniel: Touch the fruit.

Sam: They get like offended. Oh. Oh yeah. Offended. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Oh, they're like your fruit agent. You're like, please speak to me. Don't look at the fruit. Look at me. My eyes are up here. Stop looking at my canales.

Sam: Cantaloupe. Can you smell

Daniel: it? I think that's worse.

Sam: I'll let you guys know.

Sam: I'll report back. Yeah, yeah, please. We need an mountain. Can I sniff your, can a little please.

Nichole: Title, title, option number two. No more grocery shaming. I'll take it. It's fine. Maybe shame is one of my cakes. Um, So I dove in and really started to, connect with people, date people understand the nomenclature, understand, the different theories and, it's fed on itself. This kind of realization opening up of like, oh my God, I'm happy.

Nichole: , So I, of this table, I'm pretty sure I'm like the latest bloomer,

Daniel: but as far as the formality like aspect of it, you outpaced all of us, I think in the amount that you have read and understood. We read a lot, but we don't understand anything.

Laurel: Laurel. Yeah, I don't fucking get it. I'm glad you're here today Sam. 'cause I had a lot of questions about your book.

Sam: Like can you read it to me? Yeah, can you, can you read it to me

Laurel: and then like, summarize, summarize.

Sam: I'm a little scared to follow up 'cause that was like nice and expansive and I'm just here like about to serve you with some hot Miss Andre.

Sam: That's how

Oh, bring

Sam: it. Yeah.

Daniel: Here's the hot Miss Andre slide,

Sam: but Okay. Don't, but seriously, like for me it was just so intricately connected to being gay and not knowing I was gay. Mm-hmm. Where I was like, there's no amount of men that will ever satisfy me. Like literally in my teens I was like, I like.

Sam: Everyone keeps talking about love and keep talking about like how great it is, how they can picture themselves with their future husband, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, none of these boys are doing it at all. Like it doesn't matter how many boys there are, they will never be shit to me. Mm-hmm. It's kind of sad and okay.

Sam: This is hypocritical also because I did end up. It's like platonically married to a dude I dated in high school. , So I do wanna say I'm being a little bit of a bitch. , We're divorced now, but yeah, and I think at that point I was like, well, obviously the problem is monogamy, right? Mm-hmm. Like I just need lots of men.

Sam: I think I really, really quickly. Realize, like, no, I need zero. I need no men actually as many as few men as possible in my life. Whoa.

Daniel: How many wrongs can I get to make a right? Right.

Sam: Wow. And you're like, yeah, no, that's not gonna work

Laurel: at all. Like you're joking and saying, saying's like a really misre take, but it was actually a really man loving take.

Laurel: Yes. Like to be like, men can't be the problem. It must be monogamy.

Sam: Yeah. No, I think I fucking hated men.

Sam: But I did have a really good friendship with this dude. I ended up married, it just obviously was not romantic. Mm-hmm. But there was this like real level of confusion. 'cause the second I started like fooling around with women and then eventually like dating women, I was like, oh, I.

Sam: I'm gay. No way. There's a man in my life, so I must be bi.

Laurel: Mm.

Sam: Right. And that kind of opened up a lot of non-monogamy to me of being like, well, shit, you know, there's like all of the social pressures to be in something that looks heteronormative. So to my family, to like the people in my life, I was working in corporate environment, like I need a dude to just be the stand-in of what like a, traditional looking relationship is.

Sam: And then it became like, okay, so

Daniel: you need a beard. Yeah,

Sam: no, literally that's, and here's the, here's the fucked up thing is like, I thought I was his beard

for the longest time. I was like, no, this

Sam: boy is gay. And the first time my current girlfriend, , met him, she was like. That's just like a gay guy that's at your house.

Sam: And I was like, no, that's the straight man I'm married to. And she's like, wait, that's him. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And like, I don't wanna put him on blast, but like, even my parents, the they, they're, they're like, how is he doing? And I was like, he's good. He's still dating women. I was like, oh my God. I think, yeah, baby boy, I just come out.

Sam: It's gonna be okay. Honestly, we're here for you. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Someone

Nichole: very close to you did it.

Sam: And I mean, all of this was happening in our really early twenties, so none of this we knew anything about, right?

Sam: Mm-hmm. Like, it blew my mind the time that my mom was like, oh, like you guys are just really good friends. And I was like super insulted at the time. I was like, how dare you just say that? Like, i'm not in love with him. And. She was like, you know, you would be like attracted to him.

Sam: Like if this was a romantic thing, but I didn't know, you know? Yeah. Like you don't have relationships. You're like, oh, I guess this is just a level of attraction Yeah. That I have to people. And then it's like, oh. The second I started dating women exclusively, I was like, oh yeah, sorry to everyone out there but not sorry.

Sam: Thank you for all the not so great experiences that led me to this point.

Daniel: Every dick that you encountered was a ladder rung. Was

Sam: a dick. Too many.

Daniel: it was a ladder. A ladder rung on your way to the pussy.

Sam: Yes. Like, oh, erase that out of my head.

Daniel: Sorry. We've recorded it. Now we're gonna distribute it.

Laurel: We gotta eternal sunshine. This shit zap it out.

Nichole: Well, I think we answered the question. Those were our

aha, aha moments. Aha.

Daniel: Do, do, do. Aha. Next. Is this gonna, is this gonna be a, a running sound effect now?

Nichole: Nope. Dam

Laurel: it. Nicole hates my sound effects.

Nichole: I, but I love you

Laurel: and I take solace in that.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. I'm just using you to get to your sound effects.

Laurel: Damnit.

Laurel: Alright. What's next? Are we gonna go on to, is this poly,

Daniel: Oh my fucking God. This fucking thing.

Laurel: This was a, a recommendation that we got on our website. So if you would like to recommend something for is this poly, you can go to poly amateur hour.com and fill out the form for Is this poly

Daniel: Sam, we'd like to apologize to you.

Sam: Thank you. I did almost like not come here. I was like, wow, y'all's taste is so fucking bad. Like, I dunno, sorry to whoever loved this and recommended it, but like,

Daniel: this is, this is a secondhand thing. So somebody anonymously recommended this and we were like. They're stuss, they're our fans. We gotta do it. We gotta do it.

Daniel: Gotta do it. It, we gotta watch it.

Laurel: Do it. Yeah.

Daniel: And oh boy,

Laurel: oh God, it's the 100 girlfriends who really, really love you. Really, really, really, really love me. Really, really, really, really, really, really, really. So we watched the first episode of it. Yeah. And I, I think it's , like a written manga that was adapted into this anime. So we watched the. anime. Yeah. And

Daniel: Apparently this is a genre of manga. I have since found out the, , harem genre. And this is a little bit of like a postmodern like satire take on it because of all the fucking fourth wall breaking third wall. How many walls? Walls are being broken?

Laurel: Yeah. So essentially we have this main character who we find out has been rejected 100 times by all of the women that he has tried to ask out.

Laurel: , And his, , generic friend, , who he calls a generic friend in it, which I think is a riff on the formats of other harem anime does some exposition for us and explains like,

Clip: I just don't get it. Why do these chicks keep rejecting you? You've got the looks. You're smart and you're athletic. You're nice to everyone.

Laurel: I was reading a little bit more about. Hair, manga and and they talk about how the protagonist is sort of this like very blank every man so that the viewer gets to put the themselves in the position of being that person. Mm-hmm. Okay. Which is an interesting idea,

Daniel: But this one was not that from the get go, like I was getting ideal platonic form of fucking way over the top obsessive emo boy. like,

Clip: I like you, so please go out with me.

Daniel: like through gRED teeth, the sweating, sweaty and the sweat. So

Laurel: much sweating, so sweaty. Yeah. There is a lot of sweating in anime Anyways, our, our main guy goes to a temple.

Laurel: The god of this temple reveals himself and then tells main guy,

Clip: Your suffering ends here. It is written in the stars that in high school you'll get your destin date. I'm talking about your soulmate, the kindred spirit who was handpicked for you. The moment that you were born, And what's more, you won't meet a soulmate in high school. You're destined to meet 100 soulmate hundred of them. What young man wouldn't want to have his pick of grade A babes?

Laurel: And it's basically revealed that, , a soulmate is forever. And so if you reject any of these women, that's it for them. They die. They die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was the part I was like, huh. Yeah.

Daniel: I feel like in the West the most similar thing that I can think of to something like this, which is not similar at all, is like the genre of heaven and hell, , comedies, like think, think of this something like the Good Place where there's like an established , bureaucracy or metaphysical system that encompasses reality and basically, I feel like they're positioning the universe as a monogamy computer.

Daniel: Like that everybody exists in, in this system. There's like a clerk there who is filling everybody out with their fucking one soulmate that they get. What was your reaction to just being like, presented with this weird interstellar monogamy bureaucracy?

Sam: Hmm. Now that you laid it out, it is a little prescriptive, sad. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. Moment of silence. Rip.

Laurel: I was trying to find the stance it was taking on monogamy, but I think like the absolute like goofiness of it. Was making it very unclear to me, like, oh, are they making fun of this world?

Laurel: They have a scene of this temple. God. Yeah. Just signing off everybody's soulmate. I, I wanna know in what universe this scenario fixes the mistake he made. Mm-hmm. . It's like my current workplace, it's like, oops, I fucked up.

Laurel: How can we make this infinitely worse?

Yeah.

Sam: Because then there's like two girls that end up throwing themselves at him. Yes, correct. Yes. And I'm assuming a hundred or 98 more after

Nichole: that.

Sam: Truly. , So

Nichole: He's told by this God that like, you will know when you meet your soulmate. Yeah. Shock will vibrate through your body and theirs and, and the audience knows too.

Daniel: And you drop a deuce in your pants.

Nichole: Oh, stinky. So,

Nichole: so he's walking down the hall at school and literally runs into two women and they all, you know, fall down. Mm-hmm. And then they all lock eyes and he gets the soulmate buzz. Yeah, the soulmate lightning. The soulmate tle with both of them. Yeah. And then the soulmate Tingle. Okay, so you had the one. Character who was like,

Clip: I think I must have twisted my little ankle. He would not mind help make it to the nurses, would you?

Nichole: and then there the other one that was like,

Clip: It's not like I like you and want you to pick me up, pinky or anything.

Clip: , But if you really insist, then I suppose I could be your girlfriend if you beg me or whatever.

Nichole: And I heavily identified with the ladder that would've been fucking me. Like, I don't like you, but I like you

Daniel: so much. Anguish.

Nichole: I mean, God. Yeah.

Sam: I'm also curious like how the hierarchy plays out. Like do the first two have special status over the question? 90 other ones and Oh yeah. What's your Google calendar? Like?

How we figured that out?

Yeah,

Daniel: So the end of that day, right, . With them being like, you're gonna have to choose. And he is like, okay, I'll get back to you. And he runs off.

Daniel: , And this is his like dark night of the soul We get a lot more sweating and flopping and, , , lamenting.

Daniel: And initially we think that , the decision that he has made is that he's going to tell each of them, that he, , can't choose either of them. And then he's going to go to each of them in secret and then he's going to be seeing them and, and not tell the other that he's going to be seeing both of them.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: So comes back the next day and, we think that that's what he's going to tell them . But instead he is like,

Clip: I thought about it all night and couldn't decide. 'cause I'm falling in love with both of you.

Clip: There's no way I could pick just one. I may be two tubing, but I'll never hurt you. I'm about to give it my all. I'm going to make you the happiest girls alive. So I'm begging you. Please say you'll be my girlfriends.

Laurel: and then, the avoidant one is like, I don't do this two timing bullshit. You gotta pick. And I think the other one is sort of.

Laurel: I think she says,

Clip: I appreciate it and I accept, if it's between this and rejection, then being too timed is a sacrifice. I'm more than willing to make

Laurel: . And then he gives them, pink four-leaf clovers, which the girls had been hunting for earlier,

Laurel: and I guess the avoidant one is so overwhelmed by his gestures that she's like, fine.

Laurel: Okay. And does the episode end from his point of view looking down at each of them like hugging each side of him with the rosy cheeks?

Nichole: Yes. And he, he declares a couple of times,

Clip: I promise you're gonna be the happiest girls in the world.

Sam: I mean, it literally takes that whole, like, I can't live without you. Like you cease to exist. Yes. You're not in a relationship with this boy. Yeah.

Daniel: is this, is this secretly the way that monogamous people just go about their relationships? I've never encountered a monogamous person. Do they die if they uncouple?

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah. It's like this book I'm reading with dragons. What? Yeah. It's a cool, it's a cool book. You guys, there's dragons and they, they bond with a human, but if they're human dies, they die.

Nichole: No.

Or if dragon not, the dragon die, the dragon

Laurel: or the dragon dies. The human dies. If the human dies, the dragon's just super depressed.

Sam: Oh, that's fine. Alright, that's fine. Actually, I'm actually kind of okay with that. I like, we're both on board with it,

Laurel: I think this is poll under duress for everybody involved. Literally everybody involved. Mm-hmm. Uhhuh. Yeah. Yeah. Because our nice guy protagonist, has to date everybody to keep them alive. Otherwise, he's not a nice guy.

Daniel: He has to love them. Yes. Yeah. You've

Nichole: gotta love him. Yeah. Yeah. His punishment is not being a nice guy.

Nichole: That's like the, a fate worse than death.

Laurel: Literally, I mean, is not being a nice guy. You have like 99 deaths on your hand. So that's also.

Sam: Yeah.

Laurel: Kind of shitty.

Sam: Mm-hmm. I feel like as someone with like a little bit too much face blindness, this setup just absolutely would not work for

Laurel: me. You can tell the difference.

Laurel: 'cause they all have different colored hair. Yeah.

Sam: By how many shades, you know? Yeah. When

Laurel: we getting into the hundreds of colors.

Daniel: So one of the thing I noticed, is that on crunchy roll, this has one review. One star saw that. Really? Yeah. And I was wondering, perhaps this was not a stu who recommended this.

Laurel: Oh, it was an anti stubbert.

Daniel: Yeah. It was somebody who is like, I, I'm gonna throw a wrench in there. Yeah. Holly gears.

Sam: I'm, you know, stir the pot, get the guest to not even come on the show saboteur.

Sam: I just wanna understand like the hinge dynamics with this boy. You know, like my curiosity.

Sam: I wouldn't say it's enough to keep watching, but logistically, I, I, I kind of wanna know the answer. How does he manage?

Sam: They really left us on a cliffhanger.

Clip: Don't forget, dear viewer, there are 98 more soulmates yet to be discovered. What will our hero to Willie Lee descend endless s barrage of soul base to flounder and perish? Or will he choose to love each and every single one?

Clip: Will he reach the triple digits? Will our two timer become a hundred timer?

Sam: Left us on a

Nichole: cliffhanger because we chose not to watch, not to watch Absolutely.

Laurel: Self-imposed cliffhanger. Absolutely. I I did read someone saying that there are large swaths of the show where his girlfriends are just like hanging out with each other, just like chilling and being friends and stuff.

Laurel: Yeah. Which, okay. Is nice. Again, it's

Sam: like not to circle back, but potentially. For the queer ones, we gotta assume like statistically there's gonna be some of 'em. Maybe it's not that bad of a setup.

Nichole: Yeah.

Sam: For them. For them. Yeah.

Daniel: What if the harem just like, they all bond together, Uhhuh and they turn on him?

Hell yeah. And they're like, they

Daniel: find out about the whole death thing and they're like,

Sam: oh,

Daniel: okay. If we kill him first.

Sam: Yeah.

Daniel: Is this Polly? No.

Sam: No, no. How did you do that? No. Woo.

Laurel: Maybe what? Because you don't know where it goes.

Daniel: I haven't seen enough, . And that one moment, the central epiphany to the first episode, is the embracing of Polly by somebody who has no fucking words or structure in which he's able to define it. It's like the monogamy computer has been overloaded. Captain Kirk has been, has given it a paradox and computer starts smoking and he is like both.

Daniel: And they, they pick up the, the taco girl on their shoulders and Brooklyn. I dunno. Okay. so I'm gonna say maybe I'm gonna say the jury's still out

Sam: that's.

Daniel: Diplomatic of you.

Sam: I think we uh, nominate you to finish the series and tell us. Yeah. Definitively.

Daniel: I don't know if I can deal with that many sexualized teenage cartoons for like a year. Yeah, it's gonna be a lot.

Laurel: Aren't you so

Sam: curious? , Who loves this show? Who is obsessed with this? 'cause it got produced.

Sam: So Yeah. Someone loves this.

Laurel: I think the actual mango is really popular. They're not rating it on crunchy roll, but I think there are people who like love, love it and think it's. Hilarious.

Daniel: And they're gonna come after us, like Swifties.

Laurel: Oh,

Sam: this is the start of the end for us.

Sam: I love that, that this is our villain origin story. Apparently this is what we get canceled for. Officially. It was gonna happen at some point. So

Daniel: Zionist Barbie is gonna be the very first in line,

Sam: like, how dare you come after my favorite show, antisemitic. Fuck.