Daniel: I really like the idea of getting a unicorn Hunter, hunter bingo card for the stewards.

Laurel: Yes. I think we should do that.

Daniel: I do worry a little bit though that it's like one of those things where we're inviting them to a game night, right?

Daniel: Like they didn't say that they wanted to have this social poly, amateur hour experience with games.

Laurel: They don't have to. We do our regular unicorn hunter hunters, and if they want, they can have a bingo card to go along with it.

Nichole: I think this is a very good idea. And I think to fill out the bingo card, you have to cite which episode. Ooh, that's, that particular thing is from, so like part of the Bingo card mm-hmm. Will be like mentions I am with the love of my life.

Yeah.

Nichole: , Or features photo from on a boat. And so when they fill it out, they have to put which episode that's from and then it'll encourage people to go back. And then we

Daniel: have a, we have a bureaucratic office that checks to make sure that , their card aligns with the actual episode.

Laurel: And we, we send back rejection notices.

Laurel: , But then we have to do prizes if

Nichole: they get a bingo.

Laurel: we have some shirts.

Daniel: That's true.

Daniel: And I feel like the big prize, I don't know, I don't think there's degrees of bingo. Really? You just bingo or you don't Bingo,

Laurel: There's blackout.

Laurel: Oh

Daniel: shit.

Laurel: Oh yeah. There could be a blackout prize. Yeah.

Daniel: For our stupids who blackout during the,

Laurel: during the episode, the prize is waking up. Congratulations. Welcome back to the Hellscape.

Daniel: I was thinking that we could give them like, our actual shirts, like the shirts that we've worn. It's like,

Nichole: how is that a prize also?

Nichole: Mine's already cut into a crop top. Oh, did you? I wanna see it.

Daniel: Oh, hi. , Well, yeah, I mean, I just figured it would be like, OnlyFans, like, like dirty, dirty socks and panties kind of thing.

Laurel: Oh, I'll sweat in it. I'll pull dance of mine and then send it to you.

Daniel: You're welcome.

Daniel: Stupid nation. So the, the reason why I'm a little sensitive about the gamification thing mm-hmm. Is because of my recent experience , so my work. Asked me to come down to the Bay Area where they're based specifically for this going away party mm-hmm. For a coworker, right? I'm like, going away party, great.

Daniel: We're all gonna go hang out in a bar and somebody's gonna say something that they are uh, embarrassed about the next day.

Laurel: Perfect.

Daniel: but the party turned out to be, and I didn't find this out like until the day I was there, and I'm in the office and they're like, oh, are you excited about the top golf later? Oh, oh

Nichole: God.

Daniel: Rude. Have either of you been to , top golf?

Laurel: Fuck, no. Of course not. No.

Daniel: It is truly dystopian post-apocalyptic. The game the ruling class you're on, like this multi-story building, right?

Daniel: , It's like seven stories or something. I don't know.

Daniel: It is like a gladiatorial golf coliseum. It is made all for golf. It is a temple to golf. It is a golf cathedral.

Daniel: And then there's just this giant,

Daniel: Yard, yard, yard. Where it's like a, just a driving range with like little targets and stuff. Uhhuh people like golfing from like above you and below you, and it is so incredibly tall.

Daniel: It seems like outsized, it seems beyond the scale of human life.

Daniel: Not just

Daniel: the range , But like the cage around it. There are these poles that just extend far, far into the sky. Wait,

Laurel: so there's seven stories in a building, but everyone's golfing off the edge of their story into a giant Yes.

Laurel: Golf pit.

Daniel: Yes. That is exactly it.

Laurel: Holy shit.

Daniel: And then there's the, like the plebes down there in the cars, the serving class, like driving around, trying not to get hit. What They're in little cars.

Daniel: They're driving around collecting the balls in, they're ball collecting machine cars and people are still just golfing at them.

Laurel: Oh, what do they wear targets?

Daniel: No, but you gotta believe that these Silicon Valley people are like trying to aim for their employees.

Nichole: Wait, wait, wait. Are the workers at Topgolf collecting the balls or is it people who have paid to get in? No pay for the experience of, okay.

Nichole: The way you were saying it, aiming for their employees, it sounded like, like people in your group were paying for the privilege let

Laurel: me make Daniel go out and collect the balls while his CEO is on the seventh floor trying to like lobb a ball into his head.

Daniel: I feel like that would actually really gain some traction,

yeah,

Daniel: yeah.

Daniel: I think this could also be a Patreon thing for poly amateur hours that, uh, you have to play top golf at us. Exactly. Oh, by the way, welcome to Poly Amateur Hour.

Nichole: I'm Nicole.

Laurel: I'm Laurel,

Daniel: I'm Daniel. ,

Nichole: It felt a little like chicken like Laurel, which one of us was gonna go, I forgot what we were supposed to do after that, so

Laurel: I was like, wait, what comes next?

Laurel: I was like, we don't sing the song. We have a separate drop for that. Did you guys stay

Nichole: out late last night?

Daniel: We did. We went to a crazy ass pole performance my fear of heights by proxy was super activated because these were like, what?

Laurel: I think they're like 23 foot poles.

Daniel: this is the first like professional pole performance that I've seen, not counting strippers who are professional pole dancers. Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is like the border between regular pole and like Cirque de Soleil kind of shit.

Yeah.

Daniel: This shit should be in the Olympics. There was some amazing athletics going on.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. I am literally like on the edge of my seat. it's like You can picture like a sport fan when their team is about to score. Mm-hmm. You know, the feet of strength is coming and then you're like,

Nichole: oh shit, she nailed it. I admire you so much for like, continuing with Pole the way you have Laurel.

Laurel: It's hard to do it and not get better at it.

Laurel: Oh I am not dedicated to it the way that most of the people around me are dedicated to it. Where that's like their second job. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Laurel: there are plenty of people who like I started with and they're like really just fucking excellent now.

Laurel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I'm still kinda like puttering along, but it's still fun.

Nichole: It's just, I took Oon class, I took one class and I felt like this was a metaphor for life. So I remember being in the class and it was the move where you'd like swing your leg around and then it swings you uhhuh around Uhhuh.

Nichole: And I was gripping onto the pole so hard that like my hands were squeaking as I like went around and the instructor was just like, just let go. Just loosen just a little bit. No. And I was like, no, no. I, I require death grip. I need to control my life. You don't know me.

Daniel: You know, podcasting pole dancing, they have the same number of syllables. They each involve little polls here. What that our microphones are on.

Nichole: Are you saying it's okay that I never went back because I ended up doing podcasting,

Daniel: which is just as thrilling and athletic and dangerous checks out.

Laurel: We are risking our. Lives every day to bring you this, whatever this is.

Daniel: We are dancing on the very cliff's edge of cancellation.

Laurel: Every

Daniel: moment, every moment of our day, every moment we make a wise ass comment. Oh, speaking of wise ass comments, we've got a great episode today. A special guest,

Nichole: the

Daniel: wisest

Nichole: ass.

Laurel: Annie, are you okay if we w that?

Daniel: I mean, wise ass, nice ass. Yep.

Laurel: what are you questioning? How nice Annie's asking. No, Jesus. No, no, no, no. I'm

Nichole: like price as, oh, you're, she's trying DW a dice making up words at one point.

Daniel: now that Annie is no longer listening,

Daniel: this was a phenomenal good time. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Laurel: Like I think we've immediately skipped all formalities. Yep. And it was just like straight into impressions and jokery and Yes, chuckle fuckery.

Daniel: As soon as I started seeing her content, I was like we are in the same wavelength.

Daniel: Not to elevate ourselves to the iconic level of an Annie undone, but I feel like we're in the same ballpark,

Laurel: We're at least in the same league. But maybe we come in last in the league,

Nichole: we might be bumped down to minor league.

Laurel: You were always at risk. Always.

Daniel: so Annie is a peer support provider, is a non-monogamy educator. Mm-hmm. Is a influencer. I'm sorry Annie, if you do not identify as such.

Laurel: Yeah. I feel like we all want a better term.

Laurel: 'cause I feel like I'm being like derogatory. I know, I know.

Nichole: content Creator. Content

creator.

Nichole: Okay. Content creator.

Daniel: I mean, content creator, I feel like is used as a euphemism for performative online sex work.

Daniel: Oh,

Laurel: does Annie undone on Maine count as sex work? If I'm aroused by it.

Daniel: We'll get into that among many other things in our incredible episode with Annie undone. Roll tape. Roll it. I feel like we're at our therapists and she's like, is it okay if I record the session now? 'Cause she's still, uh, under supervision or whatever, Uhhuh.

Laurel: Oh, you got one of those? Yeah, we got one of those. She's great. I love her.

Annie: I just never know how I feel. it's like, Hmm. Am I your experiment?

Laurel: Like I think I like that.

Annie: My mom is a therapist. I grown up in therapy culture my whole life and I'm finishing my psychology degree. So my partner would be like, my therapist recommended this book, and I'm like, mm-hmm.

Annie: Adler, huh? That's what we're gone with.

Annie: And my mom will be like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't influence him. Don't say anything. And I'm like, no, no, no. Birth order politics really,

Daniel: I'm, I'm pretty good at identifying like the crypto Nazis in any given lineup of, psychology writers, like famous psychologist. It's like one out of four.

Nichole: Well, you also grew up with a therapist.

Daniel: Yeah. There's Gaar, right?

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: but is there one for like children of therapists where I've just can totally detect the neuroses?

Annie: Yeah. I don't know. Like I think they find you. Yeah. Yeah. You don't even need to find them because they're sitting next to you. They sought you out. They're like, Hey, you've got the, the look of someone who is raised by a therapist.

Annie: Can I tell you my deepest, Darkest secret

Laurel: Wow. Fix your collar. It's bothering Nicole, can you fix Angelo's collar for me? Thank you. You're so welcome.

Daniel: this is the kind of teamwork that occurs in a molecule, right?

Nichole: Yeah, that's exactly it. I mean, we've talked about this. Like having Laurel here to validate me,

Laurel: to validate all the fucked up shit. Daniel does

Daniel: , And usually you're looking forward to when we have somebody else on the podcast because, , then they get to validate all the just fucked up chuckle fuckery that me and Laurel are up to.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But feel like Annie. One of the reasons why we wanted you on the pod is because we sensed the chuckle fuckery.

Annie: I've got a lot of it. Yeah. Like my page is very serious, but like behind all of that, I'm just a weird little gay sex demon.

Daniel: Alright. Now to my mind, the weird gay sex demon stuff was coming out right on the surface. So I'm wondering what the gay sex demon behind the gay sex demon that we're perceiving, like the meta mega. Gay sex demon.

Annie: Yeah, it's a lot worse on the close friends list and the Patreon. Oh shit.

Annie: The main page is like the most put together version of me. Oh

Laurel: man. That is the hardest sell for the close friends list. That's like, okay. Like if you weren't in, you want in now? Like

Annie: I talk about all the sex I have on there, I talk about all the horrible ways my relationships have gone wrong and then some.

Annie: Oh, I love it. That sounds

Nichole: great. Right?

Annie: I can't even talk about half the stuff on Instagram. Yeah. I get foreign warnings on Patreon.

Annie: So I have to write stuff. Like, and then he inserted himself into me. And people are like, you're so romantic. And I'm like, no, I can't say cock. Like,

yeah, yeah.

Daniel: Well, they turned everybody on Patreon into like an circa 1923. You're just like, yeah, he put his sex inside my sex and then sexed

Annie: the mound. I'm not like making porn, right? Like I'm, yeah. I'm talking About the ways I'm getting fucked. That's not exactly the same. No. But like, I mean, there's a flavor of it, you know, it's more just like,

Annie: I guess I'm a bit of an exhibitionist in some ways. I want people to know about the sex I'm having.

Annie: And the people want to know. Yeah. And they wanna know. The thing is if I knew earlier in my life that people were having sex like this, I would've had so much more of it. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. And you can be the slut role model for the next generation, they don't have

Laurel: to waste their time having mediocre sex.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Or, or small

Daniel: amounts of good sex. Or

Annie: Sometimes you just need inspo. Yeah, I didn't know that I could DVP my girlfriend with my husband until I in fact did it. Right. Yeah. And people don't know that that's an option. How can they do it?

Annie: it's really

Daniel: important that they know that they can dv p your partner that they can as well, you know? Yeah.

Annie: I mean, they probably can. Yeah. I don't know because we, we don't talk anymore. 'cause

Nichole: do we get that goss on the Patreon too?

Annie: that tea was hot. I have had the most horrible train wreck of a poly life of anyone I know. Really? Like, it doesn't get worse. I, I mean, I'm sure it does get worse, but like, I can't imagine what that looks like. like it was really, really bad.

Daniel: Everybody that we've had on has given us a, this kind of disclaimer, so I feel like you've got some some competition in here. So let's hear. Yeah. Let's hear, let's hear an origin story.

Annie: Oh yeah. Yeah. Can we have your origin? Yeah. Your poly origin. Well, so my account actually started on Reddit.

Daniel: That is horrible. Reddit.

Annie: Yeah. It's awful. But I was monogamous for 16 years with my now ex-husband.

Annie: So we opened our marriage and things were okay at first. Like it was like hot, we were swinging, we were doing weird things. Then as we got deeper into it, we wound up basically dating our best friends of 22 years.

Annie: Which you can imagine how that went. Um, that went horrible, right? Like they were keeping it a secret. Um, the guys like had a lot of animosity towards one another. Everybody was always fighting all the time. And then I met my now partner cj, who basically at the time was a lot younger than me, right?

Annie: I mean, he's still a lot younger than me, but at the time, my ex-husband was like, I think you should date this guy. And I was like, I don't know me. I'm like, he seems like kind of young. I don't know how I feel about that. So my husband. Takes me to therapy and like convinces me that this age gap is not a big deal.

Annie: That it's fine, uhhuh, everything is above board about this. Okay, cool. So then my boyfriend and girlfriend at the time, Josie and Tyler are like, we don't think that you should be dating this guy like this. This is terrible. And if you date this guy, like we're gonna break up with you. So at that point I'm like, you know what? These two people are keeping me a secret. I'm really annoyed with them.

Annie: They kind of suck right now. I'm gonna break up with them and I'm gonna go for this guy. Yeah, I do. I'm like, fuck it. So I like go into this relationship with CJ. We just fall in love, like crazy fucking fall in love, right? Mm-hmm. Like never ever have I loved that way. And everything's okay for like a month.

Annie: But then my husband's like, this was not how this was supposed to go.

Yeah.

Nichole: Oh. It wasn't his idea of how it was supposed to go. All right.

Daniel: Was he just upset that he had to, to buy him like liquor all the time?

Daniel: He was above 21,

Annie: so , no, I mean, it's actually more insidious than that. He was like, I push you towards this guy so that the relationships with Josie and Tyler would end. Wow. And you would break up with them and this guy being so young was basically supposed to use you for sex and break your heart so that I would look like the good guy.

Annie: Oh my

Daniel: God. Wow.

Annie: He confess all of this to you. Wow. I was like, why would you, that's so sick. Yeah. This is like this, this

Daniel: is like certain governments setting up other governments that they want to fail I'm not naming any governments specifically, but there may be some governments out there who have done such a thing.

Daniel: Wow.

Annie: It's like he's the coup, right? Yeah. , So he's like, and I want you to break up with him. And I'm like. Nah. Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna do that, dude. I was like, maybe we should like, I don't know, like separate or something. And he is like, no, I'm not gonna do that either. So, okay. So I'm like trying, right?

Annie: I'm trying, I'm in this marriage, and then one night in June, three years ago, we had a get together, we had some drinks, everything was going okay.

Annie: And my ex-husband absolutely lost his shit. He threatened to Kill my boyfriend, burn down my house, tell everybody I'd been having an affair, and take my child

Annie: in

Nichole: front of everybody

Nichole: at this gathering

Annie: in front of me and cj. Oh my God. Wow. So I grab my things and I say, cj, come on. We're gonna go.

Yeah, yeah.

Annie: And we walked out the back door that night and we never looked back. Holy shit. Holy shit. Yeah. I don't know, like what your other view, you know? Yeah.

Daniel: You just, you just, you just pulled some WrestleMania fucking clothes, clothesline, trauma, shit.

Daniel: You know, they're, they're down for the count.

Annie: It was bad.

Annie: , But it's very human,

Annie: it all. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. if you're doing better than that, you're doing great.

Laurel: I fucking love this energy, Annie. 'cause part of the way that like, we came together and created whatever the podcast is now was because we were tired , of everything being so self serious.

Annie: I agree. I think that everybody's like, Hmm, you've gotta do it this way, and you've gotta be like, fuck, like, fuck that shit.

Annie: Like absolutely fucking fuck that shit. It, it makes me so mad when people are like, wake me free to be anything but only under these rules and only in these ways. Mm-hmm. And you need to show up like this. And if you're learning and messy, we don't want anything to do with you. It's like, who made these people, the polyamorous police to come around and tell us how to practice and how to be relationship anarchists.

Annie: And I get this argument all the time. This is what's really grinding my gears right now. Oh

Laurel: yeah, yeah. Give it to us. Give it to

Annie: us. I'll be like, relationship anarchy is a philosophy, not a style. You can be monogamous and be a relationship anarchist, or you can be polyamorous and be an anarchist.

Annie: And every time I say this, somebody comes up and they're like, oh no, you can't do that because that's just colonizing. And that's, and that's, and I'm like, you can't tell me that. You're not in authority. Nowhere is it written. It's not written in stone. It's not, Christ didn't hand this down to you.

Annie: Nothing says that you have to be anything. It. Anarchy. Okay. Yeah. Like you can't come in and be like, um, anarchy authority. That doesn't fucking exist. I mean,

Daniel: I mean, have you ever met a Portland anarchist?

Annie: No. No, I haven't. Because that

Daniel: is kind of their modus operandi. Like, you know,

Annie: that's the whole thing.

Annie: it's like, that's just , dressed up fascism, right? Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yes. Trying to be homogenizing people. You are not an anarchist, right? Like, not that I wanna tell you how to be, but like there's no value in homogeny. Right? And this is like the whole argument that the content creators like to get into of like.

Annie: Oh hierarchy's bad and this is bad and that's bad, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, who cares? It's, it's not going away. It's like the war on dandruff, right? Like Just let people be how they wanna be, let them piss each other off and get messy and like, whatever.

Annie: Very human.

Daniel: So I don't think that there is honestly anything that is more colonial in its mode of thinking than somebody who goes around applying the idea of colonialism to their interpersonal relationships.

Daniel: Like their interpersonal relationships are so fucking important, right? That like, We need to organize a resistance against your avoidant detachment style.

Annie: I think that relationships Are inherently political, but to what degree is like up to you and how you engage, that's your business. Just find people on your level. That's really it. Yeah. And when you level up, if you gotta tell people to kick rocks, tell 'em to kick rocks.

Annie: If they're not putting their parts in your parts, don't worry about it.

Laurel: Yeah. I think that's like the most insane thing about it to me, where it's there's a difference between like, yeah, I have my preferences and I have my ethics and there's a whole other level where you're constantly arguing with people in order to force them to take on your ideology and your preferences.

Laurel: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's like,

Nichole: no, I do, that's not how it works. but There is so much value in being open with the messy,

Nichole: , Other alternatives to this podcast, or, other influencers, have all been so straightforward that if you are out of line a little bit or if you have a messy experience or you have heartbreak or you have any kind of negative experience, it's your fault, right?

Nichole: Yeah. You

Annie: didn't

Nichole: do it right.

Annie: And this is the thing is I do peer supports, right? It's a huge part of what I do. like the job. Is non-judgment.

Mm-hmm. Right?

Annie: Like people show up in all kinds of ways.

Annie: I came to polyamory because I got cheated on. I came to polyamory 'cause I cheated. I'm in this dynamic and I'm not sure if it works for me. People are in all sorts of flux. Right. And peer support is not about pushing ideology, it is about supporting the person who is showing up in front of you and, and asking what do you need?

Annie: Yeah. Yes.

Daniel: However, the job today is to judge. So anything that you have been holding in, during all of these peer support sessions where you need to be actually a, a responsible, accepting member of society.

Daniel: Today you get to, to throw all of that off . Because we've brought you here to do a couple of really fun segments. You do. But the one which I'm already , , wristed deep in a segue to Oh, is unicorn hunter hunters?

Daniel: unicorn hunter hunters is the segment where we look at unicorn hunter profiles on the internet.

Laurel: And then we rate them on three categories. One being self-aggrandizement, the other being arbitrary rules. And the third being, of course, would we unicorn for them because we are a fucking shit show.

Laurel: And no matter how bad it gets, sometimes yes. I I will thank you.

Nichole: Okay. I gotta, all right, I'm ready.

Daniel: Okay. Seat belts self-improvement is very important to me. I love to look at and explore beautiful bodies. So it's important you take time to make yourself look and feel good.

Laurel: Oh, I would like immediately when someone says self-improvement, I think like mental health.

Laurel: So I was like, how do we turn a hard right from mental health into, oh, you're saying you have to be fit.

Annie: Let's be honest here, right After reading this profile, it's like there's no way these people are into mental health.

Daniel: Yes. I think they're into like like dick stretching machines. Oh, okay. You know?

Laurel: Cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah. CrossFit. CrossFit. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: , So it's important you take time to make yourself look and feel good, especially if you want me to take my time to make you feel good.

Nichole: Fuck off.

Daniel: I would much rather do something active than sit at a bar and drink. In fact, I don't like to drink. I prefer four 20. I have a great sense of humor.

Daniel: I bet. I bet. And try not to take life too seriously. I can be extremely playful in and out of the bedroom. So, if you tend to be in on the serious side, we probably won't vibe. Right now, I'd like to explore connections with my partner. If we connect, I'll join him in on the chat.

Daniel: This is, I think, a specific subset of unicorn hunter profiles, which I've begun to notice, which is the stealth unicorn hunter profile.

Yeah.

Daniel: Where it starts out like a solo profile and then three quarters of the way, two thirds of the way through.

Laurel: By the time most people stopped reading. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: About him Can't wait. Okay. Okay. His touch, his tongue, his dominance will make you question your limits. No, thanks.

Annie: Already. Fully the CEO of this operation. Like, I'm gonna sell you my husband. Yeah. Lemme tell you about this man machine.

Daniel: Ladies, ladies, ladies,

Daniel: He's gentle when you need softness, commanding when you crave fire. He's an ultra marathon runner. So the guy's got staying power.

Daniel: Does he puke halfway through though?

Annie: Shits his pants around. I don't want fire. My husband already threatened to burn down the,

Daniel: he loves pussy and he plays with mine so well.

Oh no.

Daniel: He gets her purring and squirting almost every time.

Mm-hmm.

Daniel: So, okay. I realize that I'm saying this as somebody who does have a name for my penis.

Laurel: Yeah. Uhhuh. Yeah, Uhhuh.

Daniel: But that's bit, I mean, sure. That became a bit, it became a bit,

Daniel: somebody anthropomorphizing their genitals as like a small animal, just squeaks me out really hard. Yeah. she's talking about her like pussy, like it's a furby or something. Like, like it's a little, it's a little character, in the room. He makes her squirt.

Laurel: Yeah. Like it has, it has googly eyes. Do you think she puts googly eyes on it?

Annie: If it said like, my pussy comes equipped with googly eyes, count me in. Yeah. I'd be like, I'll literally do anything sexual if it's hilarious. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God,

Daniel: I hardly ever start a sentence like this on the podcast, but do you know what I do to Laurel's pussy Sometimes?

Nichole: No.

Nichole: Why would we know?

Daniel: Laurel knows

Annie: what I'm like, what? Oh, there's a lot

Daniel: of things. Yeah. Okay. You

Annie: like play it like a harmonica like,

Annie: That's what I thought.

Daniel: The sunglasses.

Laurel: Oh yeah. What? It puts glasses on my pussy.

Daniel: Then I have a small, I have like just a small gallery of photographs of different, oh

Laurel: my God. I

Daniel: wear know, I mean it's

Laurel: mostly our glasses that we've set aside at some point. Nicole, if you haven't OnlyFans, it should just

Annie: be that.

Laurel: I feel like I have to do this, Mel.

Laurel: This is what I calling,

Nichole: this is how

Daniel: we're monetize. Podcast.

Daniel: Alright. I'm only halfway done with this

Daniel: I do fantasize. It's interesting. Syntax. I do fantasize about riding his cock while another woman sits on his face. I would love to watch you orgasms as he brings you to climax over and over. I hate the term host, however, my mom said I can have people over anytime so we can play at my house.

Nichole: Excuse me.

Daniel: I think that's the one joke.

Annie: I

Annie: didn't take it as a joke at all. I was like, this lady lives with her mom and is like hosting threesomes in her bedroom prescriptively, where people are cowboy style riding dude's face. Right. Like watching. We'll,

Daniel: we'll insert the coconut sound when you do that.

Daniel: Don't worry. Yeah.

Annie: I mean like what? What in the world is going on there? Oh my God.

Laurel: I'm imagining her elderly mother chain smokes in the kitchen while all this happens. Watching her tiny tv. She's deaf. Yeah.

Nichole: Watching tiny tv. Yeah. Watching her, her shows her stories on her tiny TV in the kitchen.

Nichole: Yes.

Nichole: Alright, uh, thoughts. Okay. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but so many things. What does it mean? I hate the term host.

Daniel: Is it like a parasite thing?

Laurel: Yeah, I think she had some kind of parasitic infestation in her body and it's like permanently turned her off to the word host.

Laurel: It's like how some people hate the word moist.

Annie: I feel like I'm just detecting a lot of lies, you know? Like you've said, you have a sense of humor and this isn't fucking funny. Yeah. Yeah. I think funny about this I would never be like, that mom thing is a joke.

Annie: I would fully be like, am I supposed to bake cookies for your elderly mom who can't hear? And that's why she doesn't know you're having threesomes in your bedroom. She's like, honey, did your friends have a good time?

Nichole: Um,

Nichole: It makes me so uncomfortable.

Daniel: Baby. Mm-hmm. That's why I go out and search for these unicorn hunter profiles for you.

Laurel: Thank you.

Laurel: For our listeners who don't practice non-monogamy. ' This is like a prime example of what you could have in your relationship.

Laurel: Yeah. You could have a partner who just finds the, the most icky, squeaky unicorn hunter profiles and shares them with you on a podcast.

Jealous. Yeah.

Daniel: All right. Ready for the mister? Yeah. Give us mister. All right. Tested full panel. 4 11, 25.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: Negative all caps.

Daniel: I have a sexy female partner I met on here. We would love to find a couple or m slash f. To connect with. She is hot, all caps funny, super smart, attentive, and looking to explore. We are both fit, we are both clean and prefer the same.

Laurel: Okay, so now we know Clean isn't referring to the STI test 'cause we already went over that, right?

Daniel: One of the things that we've learned, Annie, is that it's really common not only for people to use clean as a really fucking problematic synonym. For STI negative, a lot of these people are like, I need you to have too good of hygiene.

Annie: I just thought he meant negative for a personality.

Daniel: You need to be completely devoid of an internal life to make room for my cock.

Nichole: That's what they want. They want like a cardboard cut out of a human being in order to project their own fantasies onto that person.

Yeah.

Nichole: I think they just have one

Annie: fantasy though. You're right. They're not creative enough for multiple fantasies. Yeah. Yeah. It's like there's a like sitting on someone's face. Duh. Of course we're doing that. What do, what do you think we're here to do? Like, not sit on your face.

Daniel: I spent my last two years of high school just sitting on faces, guys.

Daniel: Alright. Looking for consistent consensual and sexy play dates. Discretion is appreciated. Looking for that special. Someone that wants to ride my face, or a special guy that will treat her right when I'm not available.

Laurel: Oh, There's a lot. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I need, I need a body double,

Nichole: it's just

Laurel: like when I'm busy talk.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: He, he's looking for, I guess like a substitute fucker. Yeah. Like yeah.

Laurel: An understudy.

Daniel: Yeah. He's looking for a temp. Like

Laurel: What if it is the Leonard Bernstein understudy and he just fucking blows him out of the water. Ah,

Daniel: Um, More picks if we match. Where are all the ethical sluts at?

Nichole: Okay. I know the title of one of the books that people know.

Daniel: And therefore let me into your fucking space.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Annie: It's like that box with the stick , Right? come on in.

Laurel: Don't worry. It's safe in the here.

Annie: my girlfriend's mom bakes cookies.

Daniel: The cookies, the cookies are what's under the box.

Laurel: I really wanna make a diorama of this situation.

Daniel: Experienced with lifestyle dynamics things. I'm into a NR. What? I don't know. What is

Annie: that? A-N-R-A-N-R-A

Daniel: nurse restraint.

Annie: A ankle Neck, rare nanny remedy.

Daniel: Anal neck tie. Redundancy. Two anal neck ties.

Laurel: Oh, that's too many.

Daniel: M-M-F-M-F-M. Hot wife. Being a bull coupled. Couples come play. Sensual kissing, making out cream pie cleanup. D slash s dynamics. So much more to talk about and I think. We should connect over coffee

Nichole: or, wait, wait a second.

Daniel: And I think we should connect over coffee or in person to vibe and see if we match.

Daniel: Good luck out there. Stay safe.

Nichole: Fuck all the way off. So he's down to like, just grab a cup of coffee, but she's like, you gotta play a soccer game with me.

Annie: It's not congruent at all. Mm-hmm. She's like, let, we're into like exploring with each other with like this specific fantasy and he's like, I'll do

whatever

Annie: you wanna fuck my lady. Come on over. I want coffee. A RAR Important.

Daniel: I'm gonna

Daniel: wake up at 2:00 AM and be like, what is a R?

Daniel: Yeah. A nude retreat

we have to him

Daniel: the A can't stand for the word. A. A. Okay. Oh man.

Nichole: Fine. Okay,

Annie: Not really.

Daniel: All right. You promised. What is your favorite part of this?

Annie: I say this because I, I have time live with my mom.

Yeah.

Annie: Right. And if I was making a sex profile, I wouldn't be mentioning her even as a joke, because that's fucking weird, right?

Annie: Did a

Daniel: 16-year-old make this profile? I mean, maybe she's trying for some baby girl kind of dynamics, that's, that's even more fucked up.

Annie: That's even weirder. I mean, look, I'm into, I'm into that. Yeah. I'm not bringing my mom into

Daniel: it.

Annie: Yeah,

Annie: not at all. Like

Daniel: , What if it's kind of like a Norman Bates kind of thing, and she is both herself and her mother

Laurel: and her. And her deceased mother. Yeah.

Daniel: So you go over there, you know, I like

Laurel: that. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, because she's like

Daniel: 53, right? So like the Wait,

Nichole: she's 53.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: I was not, I was not expecting that

Nichole: so how old is

Annie: her act? So her mother is

dead.

Annie: Here's another theory. What if he's just both of these profiles?

Daniel: Oh, that's probably the true theory in almost any of these, but it totally destroys our suspension of disbelief. So we're gonna pretend you didn't say that. I didn't say it. I'm just saying.

Annie: it's very like not giving that they're an actual couple. They're just luring people into her mother's sex den. Ugh. Come on in. We'll have a good time.

Annie: He is so proud, so fucking proud of what she wrote there.

Annie: This is the soliloquy.

Yeah.

Annie: To how you make my pussy feel. And I want to express this to any ladies who need a tongue,

Annie: let me tell you about the things he did to my pussy. she like whispered it into your pussy. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: It's one pussy speaking from its lips.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. Into the ear. That is another pussy.

Laurel: Yeah. Pussy to pussy. Oh God.

Daniel: All right. You guys wanna see some pictures? Sure. I wanna see some pictures. Yeah. Ugh. it. Here's a torso with a little leather strappy thing.

Daniel: Cool.

All right.

Daniel: Here's another torso with a little lacy thing.

Cool.

Daniel: here's just the bottom half of a man man's torso that belly button is so

Laurel: fuckable. Wow. Yeah. Could totally, I wanna sit on that belly button. Fuck the face. Here's

Daniel: a torso with a button down.

Daniel: Yeah, just a gray flannel torso. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Here's a beach.

Laurel: Okay. Okay. Okay.

Daniel: With no other, Nope.

Laurel: Context.

Nichole: But like those are like some real choice torso picks 'cause they're so cropped in.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you even have arms? Uh, questionable. Nobody knows.

Annie: This is like classic, I have done zero work on anything surrounding non-monogamy or swinging.

Annie: And I just expect you to show up. You dirty little hole.

Laurel: Yes. Yep. But clean. Clean. Yeah. But, but clean please.

Daniel: Oh. All right guys.

Laurel: we gotta rate 'em. Okay. First category, self-aggrandizement.

Daniel: Like nine, that was a staggering advertisement for a man and his penis.

Daniel: That's like a boy and his dog.

Laurel: I feel like both of these profiles exist entirely in service. Of that soliloquy of a purring pussy. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Soliloquy of a purring pussy.

Nichole: I mean, you guys know why I'm gonna give them like a lower rating?

Laurel: No boat.

Nichole: There's no boat. There's no boat. There's a beach there. Boat adjacent, but there's no boat.

Daniel: I think that moving forward, instead of rating them for self-aggrandizement, Nicole, you should give them a certain number of boats.

Nichole: That's my rating system. Yeah.

Daniel: I give them eight boats.

Daniel: I give them nine boats.

Nichole: I give them four boats.

Daniel: Four boats. Okay. Four boats.

Laurel: I was also a little bit on the lower end, like more like a six.

Laurel: That's where I'm at. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, because I mean, we've, we've been places

Daniel: with boats. Yes. Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Alright. Arbitrary rules.

Laurel: there weren't many. No,

Nichole: didn't she start out the gate saying like, you expect me to be with you, that's true. Like, you better Yeah.

Nichole: You know, be

Annie: yeah. But this is also the kind of woman, let's be completely honest, that if she dubs you at all hotter than her, you're not getting through that pussy sit door.

Nichole: No. You're not tasting her mom's cookies.

Annie: No. I think that there's, there's no arbitrary rules but they're implied. Mm-hmm. Right? Yes. We talk about this all the time. Yeah. There's this implication of who this person has to be, and I'm not even sure if they're human. Yeah. You're just a clean hole. You're a fleshlight with a mirror on top.

Annie: Or maybe a guy created in his image to sneaky, sneaky in the back door,

whatever

Daniel: Alright, so I'm gonna say I'm gonna say three for arbitrary rules.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: For that intro that I had completely forgotten about,

Nichole: yeah, I'm gonna say maybe four or five just because I don't, I don't love the physical attributes thing. It immediately sends up red flags for me.

Nichole: Like supremacist web reflects, like, it just, I do not like it. Yeah.

Daniel: Like beach supremacist. Yeah. Beach

Annie: supremacist i'm gonna give him four Trump voters.

Daniel: All right. So we got three,

Laurel: four, or five?

Daniel: Five.

Laurel: I was gonna go with five, like right in the middle of the road. '

Annie: I'm gonna give 'em a four. I think they're all very like implied. Yeah. Um, but I have to agree.

Annie: I think there's a lot of supremacists undertones to like this whole like, be fit, be clean, be negative, be all you can be you.

Daniel: Um, Are

Laurel: you gonna unicorn for them?

Daniel: No.

Laurel: What, what? I can be the standin dick. Yeah. You could be the understudy. This could be your chance

Daniel: for some reason. I imagine I'm crawling in the window while he's walking out the door. Yeah. Like there just needs to be a dick in the room at all times.

Daniel: It's just

Nichole: literally just low replacement. Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah, you can't be in the same room at the same time, but there always has to be one in the room. It's

Daniel: like a pin and a grenade. There always has to be a dick in there. Yeah. So you have to, if you pull out one

Nichole: dick, you

Daniel: have to,

Nichole: you have to put another dick really fast and she's gonna call you by his name.

Nichole: It helps if you guys share names, but

Annie: either

Nichole: way it's gonna be his name.

Annie: Everyone's John.

Nichole: Yep.

Daniel: There was somebody in one of those, these profiles that was just like talking about their partner and they just said, it's Dan.

Okay. I might actually,

Nichole: I would be curious about that. Depends on what the rest of the profile said, but if, if the unicorn,

Nicole fucking loves this. Wow. I just think it's so funny the idea of a partner just going, it's Dan. Yeah. I'm fucking Dan. Dan is great. You, Dan,

who's your partner? It.

Laurel: Ah,

Daniel: fuck. Alright. Yeah.

Laurel: Whew. I will also not be participating in this unicorn thing. Mostly 'cause they just aren't hot enough.

Laurel: They're not, mostly, mostly because, mostly 'cause they're not working on themselves enough.

Nichole: Ouch. Oh my God. Okay.

Daniel: Annie, is there gonna be a a

Annie: I'm, I'm demisexual so the personality here is just, I'm doing whatever me.

Annie: Um, I'm sure her mom is very nice, but I'm not,

Daniel: maybe you're into the mom, who knows?

Annie: Yeah. I mean, like, if her mom wants to get up with me, we can talk. She's probably a hoot I really just wanna go meet her mom for the hot gossip.

Nichole: Yeah. Oh, you know that she has the gossip.

Nichole: She has so

Annie: much to say. She has

Nichole: so much gossip from her weekly Canasta games and like, she. Her daughter's boyfriend.

Nichole: Yes.

Annie: She's like, I'm pretty sure this torso is cheating on my daughter.

Annie: And I'm like, Gertrude, ? Key parties? The sixties. We have so much to talk about

Daniel: if the torso is cheating. I just imagine it's just cheating with other torsos, right? Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. It's a

Laurel: lot of torso on torso

Nichole: bumping up against each other.

Daniel: Yeah. I've been to that sex club, torso think it's called Club Torso.

Nichole: Yeah. I can see that so clearly in my head.

Annie: And their logo says, we say it with our whole chest.

Daniel: No, no, no. We say it with our chest hole.

Annie: Just,

Laurel: oh, is that the belly button I'm sitting on?

Daniel: I mean, oh my God. I mean, that was the, that was the hottest part.

Daniel: That according to Annie,

Annie: that belly button was massive and I'd Fuck it.

Daniel: Gimme your big loose belly button.

Annie: Yeah. I'll be like, I'm not gonna fuck your girlfriend, but I'll strap your belly button. Oh my God.

Daniel: But

Annie: if I'm gonna do it, he has to let me film it for my website only torsos.

Annie: Alright.

Annie: I'm getting ready to try these things. Maybe you guys wanna be on it. Um, called sexual improv. Yeah. Where I'm gonna do like audio, BDSM scenes, pickup scenes. Ooh. Hey. Like on the fly. Ooh, sure.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: Can they be funny?

Annie: Yeah, why not? Why can't it be funny? Have you ever done a funny BDSM scene?

Annie: I mean, they're great.

Daniel: Can, can I put a pair of glasses on Laurel's

Annie: Puy? Yeah. Yeah. Be like, now I'm gonna put these glasses on your pussy. Dirty little hole.

Daniel: Alright. Alright. Speaking of glasses,

Uhhuh.

Daniel: Annie. Annie. Oh my God, Annie, this is why Patreon considers everything that you do.

Daniel: Pornography is because you, eyeglasses game is so fucking hot. So many amazing eyeglasses. Mm-hmm. , I want to have you back on and we do a segment where we go through all of your eyeglasses.

Daniel: Okay. Yeah. We can assign like certain uh, sex acts or identities to the eyeglasses. Like,

Annie: oh, okay. I like this. Yeah. Yeah. Because, because my one partner's like, oh, these are your dirty librarian classes.

Laurel: No.

Annie: Mm-hmm. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And I'm

Daniel: like,

Annie: I'm like, gimme your library card.

Annie: You pervert.

Daniel: And maybe, honestly, I just kind of want you to show me yours so that I can show you mine. I'll bring out my glasses . Okay. So I'm gonna name

Annie: your glasses personalities.

Daniel: Oh. And then I name yours.

Annie: And then you can name mine.

Daniel: Perfect deal. I like it. I like it.

Annie: Yeah.

Daniel: You heard it here first folks.

Laurel: It's a dirty glasses showdown. Oh. Can we call it slutty little glasses?

Daniel: Yes. Yes we can.

Daniel: wow. Wow. I need to go smoke a cigarette.

Laurel: Yeah. I'm changed.

Daniel: I can see your werewolf ears poking out. It's got

Laurel: fuzzy ears.

Nichole: That's how you know. It was good. She was pretty incredible.

Daniel: So you can find Annie undone at Annie undone on Instagram.

Laurel: What's the website

Daniel: or her website, which is annie undone.com. No underscore in there. Just say it all, all smashed together.

Laurel: Just the way I like it.

Daniel: Let it roll off of your tongues. Finger tongues.

Laurel: Finger tongues. What?

Laurel: Well, you're typing it.

Nichole: You said that like we were supposed to understand. Why don't you guys get me? I feel so alone.

Daniel: I feel like finger tongues might actually be,

Laurel: is that Shrimp Teeth next career.

Laurel: Love you Sam. We've had so many good guests. Uh, yeah, I know. Ugh.

Daniel: And we are looking for more people to collaborate. Yeah. Come on the podcast.

Daniel: And therefore we're gonna close off today's episode with a little read alert.

Daniel: Woo.

Laurel: I would like to start by saying our last read alert to Canada, fuck you Canada. Nobody, nobody reached out to us. I think they do want a war.

Nichole: Canada has officially declared war. I'm pretty sure. We were like, we understand this is a weird time. Yeah. But we would love to connect with you and then nothing silence.

Laurel: Like, alright. Okay. I think I actually, oh my God. I actually got a delivery of live crickets to my house. I was like, where did these come from? Must be one of those weird Amazon schemes. Care of Canada. Care of Canada.

Daniel: Wow.

Laurel: Wow. I'm gonna give you one more chance. Canada.

Daniel: I know we just said a lot of mean things Canada.

Daniel: We didn't mean it. Please, please write us a letter, please. I mean, we know, , however, negligent you have been we realize that we just by virtue of being Americans are far, far worse.

Daniel: Please descend to our level,

Laurel: stoop stoop to our level and write us a goddamn email. At poly amateur hour@gmail.com. Stoop stubbert

Daniel: stoop stubbert stoop Ooh, who's next? All right. So a lot of times when we have just stuss, , from the Wild on the show, it is for our segment called My Own Poly Idaho.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Now, for a long time it was a joke that was one that only elder millennials and Gen Xers would get. Uh, uh, and people were like, oh, is it, do you talk to people from Idaho? We're like, no, no. Nobody from Idaho

Laurel: listens.

Daniel: No. So finally we do have a listener in Idaho, maybe two, I don't know, like there are multiple downloads per week happening in the great state of Idaho.

Laurel: Wow.

Laurel: Was there another one?

Daniel: Let's cross the Atlantic real quick and give a shout out to listeners in the Netherlands. Ooh, interesting. On a regular basis. Ooh. All right. Ooh. And to the North, north Norway. Ooh. Yeah. We're getting some Norway action.

Laurel: Ooh,

Daniel: cool.

Daniel: So Norway, Netherlands. Idaho in Canada, please, throw us a bone. Please,

Nichole: please reach out. It really is fascinating learning about poly in other regions of the world, outside of our little bubble

Laurel: when I say I love having guests on, it's not just people in the know or who seem like some kind of quote unquote authority. Like it's just anybody out there that wants to chuckle, fuck around 'cause laurel's bored of us.

Laurel: I don't wanna say it.

Laurel: I get it. You want the novelty and you listen Polly for a reason.

Daniel: No attention span.

Laurel: Yeah.

Read.

Nichole: Alert.

Read,

Nichole: alert. Alert.

Daniel: We're sending out a read alert.

Nichole: We already have a song.

Daniel: Oh. Okay. Longtime listeners know our special thirsty longing for the podcast. The Greatest Generation. I realized that they have their own read alert thing. in their gamified version of the show, you know where they're like, how are we going to do the next show? Yeah. And sometimes it's like they have to do it naked in a bathtub,

Daniel: , so one of their new types of episodes that they'll do in their updated game is Read Alert for them.

Daniel: It is, , I can't remember what it is. Okay. but it's a type of episode that they do and I've been very sensitive about trying to only steal from them in ways that are read as a little bit of a , a tribute uhhuh.

Daniel: And then I was like, did we subconsciously steal from them? Did we? I don't think so. I think it's just, we're always watching fucking Star Trek. We had our guest named Reed.

Laurel: Yeah. That was the beginning of it.

Nichole: And that was years ago.

Nichole: Yeah. That was. I'm pretty sure it was like 2009 seven when he came on seven to 10 years ago.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: So yeah, greatest chance. Stop sending us cease and desist letters.

Laurel: They just talk to people and they're like, what's Star Trek like in your state?

Okay. Alright. Good.