Laurel (2): someone posted this profile from Hinge. Mm-hmm. And in the, like, what you're looking for section, , they wrote, because it's a couple, we are looking to make a throuple someone who is as much in love with each of us individually as we are in love with them.

Laurel (2): No unicorns. What? Right. It's so confusing.

Daniel: I love the quantification of love before you've met someone, an exact equal amount of love for each person divided,

Nichole: or the idea that it's quantifiable.

Nichole: How do they measure that?

Daniel: This is the second time today that I have talked about the difficulty in quantifying an amount of love, and the other time was at work.

Daniel: What

Laurel: really, what are you talking about it at work? Yeah.

Daniel: Because I was like,

Laurel: can we say, can we please quantify the amount of love we each have for each other?

Laurel: Starting with you, Dante,

Nichole: that's such a weird exercise. What an icebreaker to do.

Daniel: And then subordinates have to love their supervisors more than the supervisors love the subordinates. Yeah. That's it's requirement. That's part of

Multiple: that. Yeah. What is the unit of measurement for quantifying love?

Daniel: Uh, Nerf.

Laurel: Nerf. I have three.

Laurel: Nerf for you.

Daniel: Three. Three, okay. I don't know how big a Nerf is, but that seems like a small amount of Nerf.

Laurel: You should know you're the one asking us to quantify our love.

Daniel: So at work I was like wanting to do this ad where we were trying to move away from, tens of thousands of this product sold '

Multiple: mm. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: They were like, can we just say beloved in households throughout America? And I was like, well, can we still make it some kind of a flex and say the most loved blank product in America? And they were like, well, how do we quantify that? You know, other people have more reviews And, and I just leaned in and, and gave Smokey eyes and said, how do you really even quantify love

Nichole: nerfs?

Daniel: Thousands of five Nerf ratings.

Laurel: Ugh.

Daniel: Welcome to Poly Amateur Hour.

Laurel: I'm Laurel, I'm Nicole.

Daniel: I'm Daniel.

Daniel: Oh my God, you guys, we are recording this in the midst of our first visit from UBS from afar.

Laurel: Oh yeah. Hi. .

Daniel: I think we can identify these ews. 'cause they are canonical Stuss. Okay. Reed and Reed's partner. I'm not sure if Reed's partner wants to be named, but they have come to visit us on the way back from a cruise.

Daniel: Which is delightful to all of us that they're visiting and horrifying to Nicole that they were on a cruise.

Annie: That's just not something I would do.

Daniel (2): Um,

Nichole: like is it the pirates? the isolation. It's the isolation. It's not seeing land.

Nichole: It is the international waters where laws don't really. Apply. It's the, the distance from the nearest hospital. If there is something that goes wrong, surgery is not available. , People fall off of ships all the time. People go dis like they disappear. And I'm just like, I just, I just,

Daniel: well, you know, in Florida where Reid is from mm-hmm. And visiting from, they probably feel the same way, just about Portland as being a, , a completely lawless land. Come on.

Nichole: Quite possibly. So. On the way to meeting up with Reid and his partner, Daniel was driving Laurel and I, and, uh, we were listening to our own podcast and I had to ask like.

Nichole: Have we ever listened to the podcast, all of us together in silence? And that answer was no. And the fact that we were on our way to meet fans of the podcast, it was the height of narcissism. It was, it was just a moment that I needed to reflect on.

Daniel: You forgot. You forgot that we were coming from recording the podcast.

Nichole: Oh, fuck yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. So we had just listened to ourselves for like two hours and then wanted to listen more to our own voices, and then wanted to meet up with people who like us. Wow. What a fucking

Laurel: vortex.

Multiple: Oh.

Laurel: I'll go to the doctor.

Laurel: After, after coming off a four day high of walking around Star Trek, Las Vegas and people just telling us how delighted they were with us,

Nichole: we needed more, more, more, more

Multiple: straight into my veins.

Daniel: I mean, that's a whole different thing though. They only had eyes for the Dabo wheel. It's not even about me.

Daniel: We've said this before, but I dressed as a human Dabo wheel, which is like space roulette and , Laurel and Nicole were my handlers. Slash Dabo Girls. Yeah. it was a functional Dabo wheel where people could walk up and spin it and, you know, everybody won.

Daniel: We would yell Dabo, when you win, and, oh, excuse me. I, I mean that we would yell Dabo when you win. the funny thing was though I didn't have any kind of mask on And yet in the days following the Dabo costume, people would not recognize me. Like they didn't, they had no recollection that they had, talked with and interacted with me.

Daniel: one of my Dabo girls here would be like, oh yeah, you know, he was the Dabo wheel and they'd be, you were the Dabo wheel.

Laurel (2): You know what's really funny that I'm just realizing now, is that people couldn't recognize you in plain clothes. It was basically like you just took the wheel off that was around your waist.

Multiple: Yes.

Laurel: But somebody on Dabo wheel day like ran into me, , where I'm dressed like sexy lady. And they were like, were you ruck yesterday?

Clip: Yes, yes. It had been so long ago, I had forgotten

Nichole: whoa. Okay.

Nichole (2): So they recognized you in full ball cap and full makeup.

Daniel: what I think this says is that they had maybe a kind of attraction for ruck too.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. They clocked.

Nichole: You

Laurel: look at that ruck physique. I didn't even have a paper puffing up my shirt at the time.

Daniel: for those of you who don't know, ruck is a, uh,

Laurel: eight foot tall, bald. . Beefcake, Android

Daniel: Played by Lurch from the Adams family.

Daniel: yeah. I think he wanted to fuck with Ruck. Fuck with Ruck. Fuck with Ruck. We all want to fuck with Ruck.

Laurel: Where's the rock? Fallas.

Daniel: Re's right here. Put your hands on it. Have no fear. Oh gosh.

Daniel: Don't be

Laurel: afraid of my rock fellas. What if that's what ruck sounded like? Boy. Hey guys, Have we decided what cream pie Charlie looks like?

Daniel: Well, I think we just decided what he looks like.

Nichole: Ruck.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: Is that you?

Laurel: It's like those tests now. like bullshit, like psychology on the internet. But it's like, take this test and find out how traumatized you are. And it's like, all those optical illusions where it's like either you see the old lady or the young woman first.

Laurel: Yeah. And it's a bunch of those. And they're claiming that depending on what you see first, you been sexually abused. Like she's just so, so what? So what you're saying

Daniel: is it's either like a, a pastry, a sloe, or ruck

Laurel: or ruck and depending on which you see is what kind of trauma you have. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: I see all three at the same time.

Daniel: What do we got up first today? I was gonna

Nichole: say,

Laurel: speaking of trauma,

Daniel: are you having trauma because we're not moving fast enough?

Laurel: No. No. But I think our subject of monogamy Are you okay? Filled with trauma.

Nichole: Monogamy. Are you Okay? Is the segment where we look at examples of toxic monogamy and we ask the question, are you okay?

Nichole: And it didn't take us very long to find this example because of course we went to the am I overreacting, subreddit

Daniel: and monogamy is the, , official relationship style of the overreacting.

Nichole: Yes, yes. Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. All right. Am I overreacting for wanting to leave my 22 girlfriend, 21 for her past?

Daniel: Now? I, at first read that subject line as somebody who is leaving their girlfriend for her past,

Daniel: like, I'm traveling back in time.

Nichole: No, I wish it was that whimsical. All right. Me and my girlfriend have been together since high school. Five or six years. Things have been going well. There are ups and downs, but that is normal for any relationship.

Nichole: But I feel like our relationship has come to an end. My girlfriend has made mistakes in her past that I do not see ever being reversed, nor do I see myself in getting over them. It's sad, but it's the truth. Her mistakes have too much of an effect, on our life now, and has too much of an effect on me in this relationship.

Nichole: And it makes me look like a desperate bitch because I took a girl with a past when I don't have a past whatsoever myself.

Daniel: Okay? Okay. Kids, listen, kids, neither of you has a past. Just you wait. Your past is gonna get so big. You're gonna carry it around, hauling it around with you.

Daniel: You don't have a past, you have a childhood.

Laurel: Alright. And eventually

Nichole: you'll forget about it. Oh yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My high school reunion is coming up in two weeks and my biggest fear is that I'm not gonna recognize anybody.

Nichole: It was 20 years ago. Yes. And my own head is up so far up my own ass that I'm just like, I dunno who you are.

Daniel: You, you also, you also had a convenient drinking phase. For damaging long-term memory. That's

Nichole: true.

Daniel: It was only,

Nichole: it was only three years, but it's amazing how much damage could be done. Wait,

Daniel: wait till, wait till these kids get a little further into college and they do some appropriate drugs.

Nichole: Yep. Yeah. All right. In her past, she sent nudes to some guys I used to call friends, but recently had cut off all communication with them knowing the fact that they had received her pictures, including one of my best friends from high school who I now haven't talked to in a year because of the situation.

Nichole: I've also deleted all social media because I do not want peers from high school knowing that I'm still with my girlfriend after all these years when a lot of people from high school know about her past. What makes this worse is that most of these guys that she sent nudes to were all tone slim and pretty in shape compared to me when me, on the other hand, I am the heaviest guy that she has ever talked to or given any attention to.

Daniel: Don't hate them because they're beautiful.

Nichole: Also in her past, she hooked up with a guy in his car seven or eight times. That alone is enough to make me honestly not want this relationship anymore. But I believe that he was her first love, but she says she never loved him. And to make that situation worse, that same guy is now a professional athlete. Worse for Who are you?

Nichole: Fucking kidding. Oh God.

Nichole: Okay. All right. I am terrified of the day that he pops up on the screen and the awkward silence that will come from us noticing, or of the day that she finds out about his success through her friends mentioning it. What?

Daniel: She knows, she knows, she knows Jeff.

Laurel: You know, she knows like what? Yeah.

Daniel: I mean, maybe, you know, she is kept in a, in a special media isolation room.

Nichole: This cycle has gone on for too long, and I'm tired of it. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want this situation anymore. All I want is my relationship to not have these flaws. Oh God. And I wish this shit never happened in the first place. So am I overreacting for wanting to end things with her?

Nichole: Would you guys date someone who has a past similar, is it dirty to marry a girl who has a past like hers?

Laurel: Oh my God. The, like, I like that he refers to this cycle, which is just him. Yeah. Ruminating on some bullshit. That doesn't matter.

Daniel: It is impossible to date a human being that does not have a past. Yeah.

Daniel: And this does not seem like a past with scare quotes. Like, oh my God, all these terrible things. It seems like the normal past that anybody has. And so what he really means is that he does not want to date somebody who has any type of experience or recollection or identity before the moment at which he begins to experience them.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah, yeah,

Daniel: yeah.

Nichole: I mean, obviously this guy's deeply insecure,

Daniel: he is blaming her for his

Laurel: insecurity.

Daniel: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah,

Nichole: Is an example of like the height of like toxic monogamy because the idea that like somebody has to be super pure before they get to you. Yeah. Or before you meet them is like, what drives monogamy.

Nichole: Right. At at least it's a, a very like, core principle of, traditional marriage. It's like why brides wear white, ,

Laurel: it is like the purest form of monogamy in that you can only have been paired with one person your entire life.

Laurel: Yeah. Not just one person at a time.

Daniel: And it's interesting that he does not disclose or discuss whether or not he had any experience.

Laurel: Well, he says he has no past whatsoever.

Daniel: He said he has no past whatsoever. He didn't

Nichole: exist before he met her. Yes.

Laurel: Or maybe he is ai.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Mm. Maybe he's Chet.

Daniel: Oh, and this is Chet ruminating about dirty humans, dirty, slutty humans. Yeah. And he's, he's getting ready, excuse me. It's getting ready to eradicate us all. Because of our pasts.

Clip: It became necessary to destroy them. You are inconsistent. You cannot be programmed. You are inferior

Laurel: Yeah. But I also like the idea that like, like a woman created Chet and was like, these are all the things that I did with my ex-boyfriends.

Laurel: And they're all better looking than you and more successful than you. Wait,

Daniel: so somebody, so somebody created a special GPT, its only function is to be incredibly jealous and insecure.

Nichole: Oh

Daniel: God. I kind of, I kinda like that.

Laurel: Yeah. Just posts about her. I'm just gonna read a comment on there.

Laurel: You've made five posts in the last three months over this, oh my God, you aren't getting over it. And you'll always resent and judge her for what she did. I'm not shaming her for it. Get yourself into therapy. Break up and let her live her life without your chronic judgment in security.

Laurel: Every single response is like,

Daniel: yeah. Break up with her and let her

Laurel: live her life. Yeah. Away from you.

Nichole: Thank God. Honestly, like I, that gives me a little bit of faith because.

Nichole: Obviously we know the internet can be such a cesspool and an echo chamber, it would make me so fucking depressed if I just like, if all the comments were Yeah. What a, what a cunt. What a dirty, dirty cunt. Yeah.

Daniel: I, I, I have to say though, to play the devil's advocate,

Laurel: excuse me, I can't wait.

Daniel: I just love the way that you say. Dirty, dirty cunt.

Nichole: How is that playing? Devil's advocate.

Daniel: It's not. But I wanted,

Daniel: I just wanted to set you up all on the, on Tenter hooks. Tenter Hooks, cantilever.

Nichole: All right. So we don't know if monogamy is okay, but probably not.

Daniel: This particular example I think has a very clear answer. Like it's like,

Laurel: Ugh, this kid is not okay. Yeah, this is,

Daniel: this is toxic. Monogamy on blast, like the incredibly distilled version of its worst form. Yeah. It kind of reminds me with its just intensive terribleness of the unicorn hunter hunters that we're gonna do a little later.

Multiple: Mm. Doesn't it?

Daniel: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nichole: Aren't we doing that now?

Daniel: Oh, is later now?

Laurel: I think. Later is now.

Daniel: Well,

Laurel: you later is now Past is present.

Daniel: Everyone has a past

Laurel: and a childhood

Nichole: uhhuh. You see, you notice how I am not stopping you from singing. Oh, yeah. Huh. the, the space I am giving for your creativity.

Daniel: So today we have one of our favorite all time guests on the podcast.

Laurel: Oh, yes. Annie

Nichole: undone.

Daniel: Oh, yes. Annie undone is an offer of peer support.

Daniel: Oh yeah. A internet content creator. Oh yeah. And an all around fantastic human. Oh yeah.

Nichole: Bow, bow.

Laurel: It is such a thrill and delight to have Annie back.

Laurel: We had Annie on for two segments, so get ready. So get ready 'cause we're gonna roll some tape.

Nichole: Do you guys remember Jules sophomore album and the single that came out? I can't remember what it was called, but we all remember Jewel from the nineties, right?

Annie: I had a very embarrassing Jewel moment.

Annie: What it was like. I was like singing this to the boy I liked on the phone from moment for me and he like handed the phone to his sister when I was done singing. She was like, that was really beautiful.

Nichole: Oh my god. At least she said something nice. Yeah. Was it, it wasn't nice. It was all facetious. Aw,

Daniel: wait, so

Nichole: mortified.

Daniel: Was his sister Jewel?

Nichole: I wish, Jewel in the nineties was like, you know, she wrote poetry in the backseat of a car that she lived in, right? 2002, 2003 rolls around. We're starting to get into the Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera's, you know, that era pop princess era.

Nichole: And they decide to like dress up Jewel in like tight leather, like outfit and make her dance in front of firefighters for her sophomore album. And it was such, it was such a complete 180 departure from like, what her brand had been. And I just remember like at the time going like, what the fuck is this?

Nichole: And I was like, 14. I was just like, I, I have no idea what's happening right now. you don't remember? I, maybe I, I don't think I made it up. I'm pretty sure I didn't make it up, but like, I mean, I

Annie: love this in my head.

Nichole: It's just, this is wild. That's what I think of when I think of the corporate machine with, you know, women entertainers is like, you take somebody who is incredibly real and raw and, , artistic to her core and you, and you exploit her into this, you know, dressing her up with leather and firefighters.

Daniel (2): I'm just kind of astounded at the idea of being famous enough where you can have a rebrand as a human being immediately. I'm thinking of also like, , the mc Hammer to Hammer moment. Yeah. But like where you're just like, now I'm a gangster. Mm-hmm.

Laurel: This is, this is the level of fame that I think we all aspire to be.

Laurel: I'm rebranding right now. Yeah. Yeah. Uhhuh. I wanna know what our, like, what our new personas will be when we're sufficiently famous and we still desperately wanna be relevant.

Nichole: Oh, I'm still gonna be an ice queen. This is, this is just a core part of me. I don't know that I can get rid of that.

Nichole: They

Laurel: rebrand Nicole to be nice. Nice queen. Nice queen. You heard of the ice queen? Get ready for nice Queen

Daniel: Annie. Are you rebranding? And do you wanna roll out? Mm

Multiple: mm-hmm.

Daniel: Annie 2.0 or 3.0. 4.0. I guess 4.0 because for the big 40.

Annie: Yeah, it's my 40th birthday in a week. And I am like, I really just need to, like, how do I be more fully myself? So my new era is just, I'm serving cunt.

Annie: That's what it is. Love it. Like, love it. I'm Here. I'm cuy. Get used to it. Like, you didn't say your rebrands.

Daniel: Oh, what's, what's my rebrand? I'm, , now tall Daniel. Oh my God.

Laurel: It's just all about the attitude,

Daniel: you know?

Laurel: Uhhuh. Yeah. Do you have tall attitude?

Daniel: Um. I look down on everyone.

Multiple: Wow. Tall again,

Daniel: we already know that Nicole's gonna be nice, which I'm going to, , hold her to Uhhuh. I am recording this and I'm gonna, I'm gonna play it on, on mornings before she's had her coffee.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Laurel. Laurel, do you have a rebrand?

Laurel: What is my rebrand? Um,

Annie: D. Decisive, decisive, rebrand.

Laurel: Like, I will, I will be decisive. Yes. That is my rebrand. Yes.

Daniel: Standards Laurel.

Laurel: Oh, man. Funny, funny. Any standards Laurel.

Laurel: , Finding people Interesting is not a standard laurel.

Laurel: Aw.

Daniel: Well, how many topics has this been so far? I think like nine. Well, that is quite the segue into our next segment. Do you know what it is? Do you know what it is?

Laurel: Are we gonna ask the amateurs and Annie?

Nichole: Yay. Yay.

Laurel: Yay.

Nichole: All right. Hey, Nicole and the Chuckle Fox. Great band name, by the way. As a stu with a DHD, I deal with a set of specific struggles in all of my interpersonal relationships, including, but not limited to rambling past the point where a sentence should end, but my mouth just keeps talking.

Nichole: Shifting trains of thought that bounce all over. Forgetting my original point after jumping tangents, accidentally interrupting people to add a relevant point to the conversation that I don't wanna forget, or let's be honest, interrupting to do a bit because I found a joke in something that they said, repeating myself and or not remembering who I've told what to, et cetera.

Nichole: I usually try to remind my friends to stop me if you've heard this before, just as a blanket statement. But now that I've started dating again and coming at it from a new poly perspective, I've noticed these A DHD tendencies slash traits causing problems for me in a new way. So my question is, does your A DHD, my A DH, ADHD affect your dating life, your communication in relationships with your partners?

Nichole: If so, how does it manifest for you? Do you have any advice for what works for you if you're struggling with a DHD and communication as always. Thank you. You beautiful trio. You and Annie, they would've thanked you if they knew you were here.

Daniel: This is a known Stu and I did let this stubbert know that we would be answering this question with Annie and they, and they did a little squi.

Daniel: So

Annie: nice.

Annie: So I have a partner who has a DHD, and um, I'm autistic, so it's a great blend. , And we both like to ramble on about things like sometimes we just talk like two parallel lines, like I'm just talking about sex and relationships and he's just talking about like rock climbing.

Annie: , And so like the, I guess like the thing I would say is like, one of the things that we established early on in our relationship, which is also very helpful because I have an autistic child as well, um, is we all just kind of say like, Hey, are you open for like an info dump? And that means that like, yeah, I'm gonna listen.

Annie: Half to what you're saying. Exactly right. , , and we just try to be like kind of aware of like what we're doing. I think this is the thing when you have those special interests, whether it's as an a DHD person or an autistic person, it's like really hard to hold the damn on that.

Annie: So. I guess part of my advice would be like, try to date people who understand that it'll be a very, very neurotypical person who understands that. And you might fit really well with somebody who's very structured or autistic.

Annie: It. I think it's a, I think A DHD and autism are a super compatible pair.

Annie: I feel like also it's just like super important for A DHD people to know, like. There's nothing you need to fix because there's nothing wrong with you. Mm-hmm.

Multiple: Mm-hmm. This

Annie: is just who you are and how you are. , And like, you know, also for autistic people, same.

Annie: Right. Like, , and you know, like neurotypical people, there's nothing wrong with you either. Um, it's not that we don't like you, it's just like you don't have the same skill sets that we do,

Annie: The interrupting thing is really hard. Mm-hmm.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Annie: That one's really, really hard.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Annie: I am. Chronic interrupter I'm so hyper aware of it.

Annie: And I just have to say, , at some point you're just gonna have to be like doing your best and then just think like, ah, fuck it. You people can't deal with my interrupting. They fucking can't deal with me. Right. Because like, there's only so much you can do. 'cause you're like, by the time you figure out that you're interrupting, you've already done it.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. Now , I've always been confused as to whether it's an A DHD thing or a Jewish thing, or whether just all Jews have a DH adhd.

Annie: But, that's like a great question,

Daniel: but I've read studies about culturally also the way that, , Jewish people will, show interest. We actually show interest by interrupting, and if we're not kind of like stepping on the coattails as your statement is going out the room, then it's like we're not following you with enthusiasm.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Annie: I'm Italian, they didn't interrupt you, are they even interested in what you're saying? Like, I don't know. Yeah.

Laurel: I feel like it's this,

Annie: you're both.

Laurel: Yes,

Nichole: you're Jewish and

Laurel: Italian. I'm Jewish and Italian and a DH, D

Daniel: and Nicole.

Daniel: You're none of those things. And you just interrupted her.

Laurel: It's rubbing off.

Laurel: Oh man. all of this is really making me think about the ways that I learned to like, sort of overcompensate at a very young age. Hmm. Like I was really shy for a very long time. , , because I felt like. If I had too much to say, I was gonna like talk over people and that was like really rude and I wasn't giving people the chance to speak.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: , And so for a very long time, I think I just overcompensated by saying nothing out loud. , And then it's been like an interesting journey as I've gotten older of trying to like, get back to like a happy medium where I feel like I am being me, but also trying to like respect the people I'm with.

Laurel: And some of that really depends on context at a party in a social setting versus on the pod versus in the middle of a fight. What interruption feels like is totally different in all of those contexts. Mm-hmm. I'm not always successful, but I know that I have to put myself back in that mode when I'm like fighting with a partner of like, okay, you just need to be quiet and you just need to like actively listen.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. And I have to like, concentrate on listening and like, taking stock of everything that's being said to me so that I don't have time to think about anything else.

Daniel: Well, just so you know, whenever you're having like a serious, you know, discussion or even argument with me, I am. Always eager for you to just slip in the hot punchline.

Daniel: So my experience is probably the most A DH adhd mm-hmm. Person in the room.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Daniel (2): You know, we've talked about this before. About how there are all these positive attributes to A DHD, right? And how it really fits with polyamory in certain ways where you're so excited to learn about new people and discover new relationships.

Daniel (2): However, I'm coming off this, uh, recent trip to Las Vegas where it was very clear to me that my A DHD was among the various things that I do. Right there on the surface of the things that are annoying to my partners,

Daniel (2): where you would just say something to me and then I would forget completely what you had said, like two minutes later. , I'm walking down in like busy concourses in the airport or at the Star Trek convention and I just stop and look at something Uhhuh Uhhuh. I mean, I think what helps with us is that you understand a bit about what it is like inside my brain. I haven't run you through a simulation or anything. I mean, I haven't sat you down and like changed the channel on the television every two minutes just to see if you can track what's going on on the television shows.

Daniel (2): But I do feel like you have some understanding that that's what it's like in the Daniel Fish Tank brain. Yeah. And I feel sympathy from both of you.

Annie: oh.

Daniel: When you're not trying to herd me

Nichole: in public, I just want you to be safe. Um, and like not run into people or, you know,

Annie: Sleep issues, impulsivity issues Those things definitely exist and they do affect our relationships and there are some unique challenges, especially with, , regard to polyamory impulsivity, right? Like I hear a lot of people saying like, my A DHD partner is extremely impulsive and is always doing extremely unpredictable things, which was super cute when we weren't polyamorous.

Annie: Mm-hmm. you have to be mindful of those things and what the impacts are. Right. . Because there is also just the reality that A DHD people do not, they're, they're in it for like, what's happening right now? What's right in front of me? And they're not thinking always about like, how is this going to impact me in two hours, two days, two weeks?

Annie: Right? Mm-hmm. And that's really difficult. And like I thoroughly do not understand that because. I am thinking about like, just as like a, a super simple thing. I'll be like, oh, I wanna say this to my kid, but like, how are they gonna feel about this in like four years or like eight years? Or like, is this the thing I'm gonna say that's gonna like traumatize them like forever?

Annie: So for me to think that someone's not thinking about that is bizarre. Mm-hmm. Right? Yes. Yes. So I think that like, that, that's like a huge gap too for a lot of like couples, um, or, you know, dyads in the greater poly landscape. some of that you gotta keep in check. Like you just gotta fucking keep it in check.

Nichole: Yeah. And I, I really, really appreciate that, Annie. I think you illustrated something that I've never really quite gotten my head around, but that is a giant gap. 'cause I feel like every decision I make Every action I take, I am thinking about what the next action is going to be.

Nichole: 'cause I'm just such a fucking planner, right? I make the shopping list so that I can like, plan out all the days and I plan when I'm gonna go to the grocery store and like, you know, and if I get here by this time, then I'm gonna be able to do this. Like, it's just, it's very like, structured in there.

Nichole: And not to say that you have like impulsivity issues, Daniel, but I do think that there is a difference in, the way that I see the world as a grid and you get to experience the world as a cloud. Do you

Annie: have a, a calendar in your head? Yes. I do too.

Annie: I'm like, My partner will be like, well, we're gonna change that. And I'm like, sorry, that was written in permanent marker on my calendar.

Nichole: Yes. And every, every day has a different color. It's always been that way in my, what Laurel and Daniel are mouthing to each other.

Nichole: What are they talking about?

Annie: I dunno how to explain. So I wanna let you all know that I was literally 39 years old, so like a few months ago when I like turned to my partner and I was like, do you like not. Have a calendar like in your head that you can see where the things are and like at what time and where they're go. Like it's not like a Google Calendar.

Annie: It's like different than that. And he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. So I was like, mom, , do you have this calendar in your head? And she also suspected to be a DHD. No, I don't know what you're talking about. I go to my autistic kid, I'm like, do you have a calendar in your head? And they were like.

Annie: Yeah. And I was like, oh God.

Daniel: I just imagine you as a man doing man on the street interviews, just walking up to people. Do you have a calendar in your head?

Laurel: I have a list that I repeat to myself over and over again, but that is for the immediate future. Like when I get up in the morning, my list begins, and so I'm like, okay, I need to get up.

Laurel: And then I'm going to take a shower, and then once I get outta the shower, I'm gonna put deodorant on and then I'm gonna brush my teeth like everything is just a subset of lists that I repeat until I've completed them.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. And then I start a new list. And if I get distracted from my list. Everything is fucked

Daniel: i've seen this when you're trying to like, get stuff done at home, right? Yeah.

Daniel: And like suddenly the uh, the dominoes of the list like go the wrong direction and you just stand there

Laurel: and I can't, yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: I can't do anything anymore.

Daniel (2): wow. Everybody here has worked food service in some way at some point. Yes. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. I kind of see this as the difference between.

Daniel (2): Prep cooks and line cooks. Right. So, so you got, you guys got Prep Cook Minds, Annie and Nicole. Yeah. Yeah. Where you're like, this is exactly what needs to be prepared. These are the number of dishes that we're going to cook. And while me and Laurel, we have line Cook mines, so we're just like standing there completely, like shut off like, like, , Androids who are just waiting to have , this switch turned on.

Daniel (2): And then it's the lunch rush and then it's like, make this, make this, make this. Mm-hmm. Make this, make this. And then we're done. And we're like, I'm gonna take a nap. And we have Forgotten within two minutes. What the last thing that we cooked was like, we're like, I don't know. Like I know, I know there was some, fire and there's some oil and you know, and I smell like cheese. So there must and cheese and we Yeah,

Annie: We kept track of exactly how many of those you made.

Annie: Yeah. so you know how many we need Tomorrow.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: But y'all Yeah. in a good kitchen. You need both prep cooks and line cooks. It's true.

Annie: We do. It's true. Yes. Neuro divergent sandwich.

Daniel: Is, is that a, is that a three-way in your home?

Annie: Oh my God,

Annie: it's just me between two a DHD boys and they're, bye

Nichole: Speaking of, of timing and. Scheduling. Oh, this is, this is my attempt at a segue because it's 3 39.

Daniel: , What happens at 3 39? Do we put that on the calendar?

Nichole: What happens is we move on to our next segment, but first I ask, did we answer the question?

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Did we?

Daniel: No,

Laurel: I don't feel like we did that all.

Laurel: I think we

Annie: answered parts of listen. He wrote in to people who are a DH adhd. Yeah. To answer this question,

Daniel: Our answer represents the state. Yes.

Laurel: Yeah. As long as everyone else thinks it's okay,

Nichole: , I think it's time that we move on to our next segment.

Daniel: Okay. Okay. Mommy,

Laurel: did we write a Please Appease Mommy? Like not a full jingle, but just like a, did we? No, that would be Daniel like appease Mommy.

Daniel: No, you didn't put that order in the line Cooks Station. I never got it. So there is no jingle. If you want the jingle, you gotta write it down on the ticket and put it on the little wheelie thing.

Annie: Okay. But like, mind the schedule in mommy's head . Mommy's got

Nichole: a schedule.

Nichole: I'm already thinking about how long it's gonna take me to do my hair before we go to dinner.

Daniel: your hair looks beautiful.

Nichole: It doesn't. Next up? It's one of our favorite segments where we get to be mean. What is it? Unicorn, hunter,

Laurel: hunters.

Daniel: Unicorn hunter hunters is a segment where we rate the unicorn hunters in three categories.

Daniel: One self-aggrandizement,

Nichole: two. Fucking, oh, arbitrary rules.

Laurel: And three, would we unicorn for them.

Daniel: Okay. Seat belts. I am gonna read this one in a voice.

Multiple: Yeah,

Daniel: I'm a sexual monster. That's not happy unless the girl is having multiple orgasms.

Daniel: I give Amazing oral whoa. I'm well-trained. My penis name is Stallion because he's a grower, not a show. He gets up to eight and a half inches on a good day. He lasts one and a half hours on average. As long as I'm interested. Proficient in making Clits come and hold. Squirt. My girl is a freak too.

Daniel: She's barley coming out of her shell and I need your help with her. What is happening? We are ready.

Simon: Redacted

Daniel: Area. Let's soak some sheets together, swap straight swaps, or even chew on. One, three on one, whatever. We are hot and picky fit people only. Let's have fun. Oh my God.

Laurel: What,

Multiple: what? What I need holes. Squirt. God,

Daniel: just abstract holes that are not actually connected with anything.

Annie: Profiles so bad. It gave me diarrhea.

Daniel: Yeah. He should specify which hole. He should really specify which hole.

Multiple: Oh, you really.

Daniel: Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Annie: He is a sexual monster.

Daniel: That's his opener. He walks into the room and he says, I am a sexual monster.

Daniel: And you're like. Yeah, you are.

Annie: That attract. That's it. You can't say that about yourself. Like, that's only cute if like a girl in pink says it. You know, I'm a sexual monster, like a sexual monster.

Daniel: Like, whatcha are you

Annie: gonna murder

Daniel: me? Yeah. And also he demands multiple orgasms. He's not happy. He's in a state of complete, , misery and anger until he is able to give you multiple orgasms.

Daniel: Oh God.

Nichole: I like, um, my penis name is Stallion, not my penises name is stallion, my penis name. Like, like that's a thing everybody has. What's your penis name?

Laurel: It's the street you grew up on

Annie: and your first pet. Uh, I was gonna name the penis. I don't have, 'cause I now I want one. So I was just thinking about what it would be. What would it be? Cunt?

Nichole: Destroyer, hunt Destroyer. Hunt destroyer.

Daniel: that's the name of my Starship.

Multiple: Like, like, I'm gonna be

Annie: out of this world. You know? Like, I don't know. I just felt like I wanted to rival his stallion and just crush it.

Laurel: Yeah. I'm, are stallions known for being growers and not

Nichole: show? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure they stay the same size as they go down the track and race.

Daniel: You're talking about the entire stallion?

Daniel: I'm talking, yes. There. It's a tiny horse that just a tiny horse that just grows. That's what you were thinking he was talking

Annie: about is is like, but it says up to up to eight and a half inches. Yeah. Right. Like that's how you talk about money. Like, I paid up to $80 for that thing, right?

Nichole: Some days it's just not gonna be eight and a half. And that's he's morning you ahead of time.

Daniel: Is that also in the ballpark of like, things that he has to be interested in, in order for it to be big? My dick's not big today because I'm just not that interested in you.

Annie: Like he's leaving room for your disappointment. But it's also your fault.

Nichole: It's your fault. Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

Annie: And like, this is the thing, like, this is just a tip. Just a tip from me to anyone who wants to talk about their penis on the internet. I don't care how long your penis is.

Annie: Yeah. Okay. I want that bitch to be a Coke can tell me about your girth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Stop talking about my dick is, as long as the Nile, I don't care. No one wants that.

Annie: You're hurting my cervix. Okay. Yeah.

Daniel: The phrase don't punch my cervix is actually, I think part of the polyamory hour drinking game, right?

Annie: Yes. Yeah. Yes. Oh yeah.

Annie: Also like size queen stuff is weird for me. It's weird for me. Like, I get it, I get it. Like, and do you, do you? Yeah, but like, really, you know what I want? I want someone who's gonna be like real nice and then do dirty shit to me. And that doesn't require a big dick. Yeah. It's just, yes. Be a tender ronie, dirty brownie, tender

Nichole: Ron.

Nichole: Dirty Brownie

Daniel: tender ronie, dirty brownie

Daniel: , Can we talk a little bit more about the dick mechanics here? Because, 'cause the stallion thing, he says a grower, not a show. I think what he means is that until a stallion gets aroused, the dick is inside of him and then it comes out like this long.

Daniel: Oh, okay. Weird. I didn't

Laurel: know that.

Daniel: Pink.

Laurel: I feel like a horse dick.

Daniel: Yes. Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah. I was also just thought that maybe stallions had a big growth spurt in their teeth. Me too.

Multiple: And then they become, it was a growth squirt.

Daniel: And then they become a penis. It's part of the metamorphosis process for every horse.

Laurel: Every, every man gets their penis from a horse. They raise it up until it's final evolution in which it becomes his penis. And that's why they call me stallion.

Annie: Want this to become like human lore. Yeah. Like, you know, like a thousand years from now when they dig up our civilization, I hope the only thing that survives is that clip of this podcast.

Annie: And they're like, early humans are wild. They got their penises from horses.

Daniel: Can can we talk about the, the phrase making clits cu,

Nichole: do we have to

Annie: He seems to have a real preoccupation with the female orgasm, which tells me he's never administered one.

Laurel: Yeah. Like

Annie: if you have to say it,

Annie: Just like, you know. Yeah. It was like up to eight and a half inches. I have made

Laurel: four women come,

Annie: depending.

Daniel: I feel like he may not really have an understanding about biology, I think that his entire sense of like sexual education as far as the mechanics of genitals and everything is drawings on bathroom stalls.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Isolated little floating dicks with chubby little hairy balls and like spurts of come coming out in cartoons.

Daniel: Like that is the inside of this guy's mind.

Annie: It's like his cave hieroglyphics,

Laurel: his chubby ball. Cave hieroglyphics. The tell the story of

Annie: of the stallion. Yes.

Multiple: And

Annie: how his horse cot grew up to eight inches one day. And then Santa brought his lady multiple orgasms as she squirted from her holes. And he said, that brings me pleasure.

Laurel: Thank you. God, I, yeah, I, I have a major distrust of anyone who like, brags about their sexual abilities and profiles. Just automatically don't believe it.

Annie: Yeah. Like, and also don't you kind of wanna undersell like in a profile, just like a little like Yeah. Under I'm not and over deliver. Yeah. Like, I don't wanna brag, but like I was great at group sex.

Annie: But like. I wasn't gonna be like, alright, like I'm gonna give everybody the best time. No, I'm gonna turn on the competition as soon as the party gets started. Right? Like, we're gonna go and I'm gonna win. Right? Like that's, this is sexual Olympics on the Victor, let's go. Right? You and Daniel didn't say that.

Nichole: Both. Turn on this Randy macho man, Savage voice. When you're like going for like this kind of character, it's like, all right, I'm a sexual monster.

Annie: I'm gonna rule this group sex. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's the energy, right? Like so chicks. So it's like confusing, like as it should be

Nichole: confuse

Annie: you and make you cu I'm

Nichole: coming and I dunno why.

Annie: Yes,

Daniel: that's why I appreciate it so much.

Daniel: When other people sexually brag for me,

Laurel: that's where Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be. That's when you're doing it, right? Yeah,

Daniel: yeah,

Laurel: yeah.

Daniel: The reviews on my book jacket. Exactly. Yeah. You can't write the reviews on the back of your own dick jacket.

Daniel: All right, let's look at some pictures real quick and give this guy some ratings.

Annie: Pictures. Oh gosh.

Daniel: God. All right. So we're looking at a picture of him. Looks like he's almost like passed out in a car. He's got some sunglasses on.

Nichole: he's just a floating head, like tilted back. Like he's got a ched neck. He's got a no neck. Yes. That just goes up into his thumb face.

Annie: This is a brick. with sunglasses? Yeah. Yep. He's a meat brick.

Laurel: What else we got?

Annie: The girlfriend. Yep.

Annie: I'm telling you, it's not real. this is his fake girlfriend. Obviously

Laurel: this was taken off of my MySpace in 2003, I think.

Nichole: She's wearing furry boots. She's sitting on a kitchen floor, I think, and looking at the tiles.

Nichole: It's actually just like a sidewalk.

Nichole: Oh. Then it is 2004 because we were all on the ground. Then we're all

Laurel: on the ground, and we turned the noir filter up to 11.

Daniel: Yes. I think that she looks like a bot, like I think this is like the pictures of, of like fake catfishing women on Tinder. Like I think he just screenshotted from a different profile. So maybe She is his girlfriend in quotes, right? Mm-hmm. Whom he has never met,

Annie: His AI girlfriend . Yeah,

Daniel: Alright, we'll just show one more of this guy.

Annie: is this the dirty jeans one?

Daniel: Uh, or is

Annie: gene jeans dirty?

Daniel: Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Shouldn't have scrolled down. Annie. Why did you tell

Annie: us, look at this sexual monster. I just felt like I shouldn't be alone with these.

Nichole: So he is, he is presumably in his front yard, maybe standing in front of the sidewalk where his girlfriend, quote unquote, was posing, , wearing dirty ass jeans and no shirt and like posing with his arms behind his back,

Daniel: He's surprisingly smooth and hairless.

Annie: He really is. But that's 'cause he is a cop.

Daniel: Wait, do they have to, like, do they have to be, do they have to shave so that they can run fast without wind resistance?

Annie: I don't know. I just feel like that's like, you know, like cops they're like, I'm not gay. I'm gonna shave all my body hair off. You know,

Annie: like, I don't know. That's what it's giving. And this is what I imagine cops do. I don't know any cops.

Annie: I never slept with them. I've slept with a lot of people, but not them.

Annie: Unless like it comes down to like, you have to sleep with this cop. Or like get arrested. I'm sleeping with a cop, obviously. Well

Daniel: now you're just imagining a porn film.

Daniel: Yeah.

Annie: I'm like, can we record this for my blackmail file?

Daniel: All right, so self-aggrandizement.

Laurel: A lot of it. Yeah. There's a lot of it. There's too much of it. Like level 10. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. I've never been as certain that I needed to pretty much yell a profile to communicate it correctly.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. As this one.

Nichole: Yeah.

Annie: Yeah.

Daniel: Yep. So I'm gonna go 10.

Nichole: All right, I'll do

Laurel: 10. Whoa, we got a 10 without a boat. That is impressive. Yeah. I'm also gonna say 10. 'cause proficient and clit coming and holes squirting.

Annie: naming of the penis. Like this is like,

Laurel: yes.

Annie: 10.

Daniel: How did we get through this Without anybody making any comment about my penis having a name, which Laurel has now, , like totally shackled me with.

Daniel: ' cause just once, just once I called him Peter.

Annie: That's a great name.

Daniel: Well, it's obvious, you know? Right. It's like how many penises have been named Peter from Time Immemorial?

Laurel: I don't think that you can say I'm the one shackling you with this when you're the one that's bringing it up constantly.

Nichole: Yeah. How can you say, how did we get through an entire segment about penis names and not talk about my penis name?

Nichole: What about my penis? What about my penis? What about your penis?

Daniel: Jesus. What about Annie's penis? Everybody. What about Annie's penis? You mean the cunt destroyer? I do.

Annie: It's gonna take you down and then it's gonna take you from behind.

Nichole: Arbitrary rules. ,

Daniel: Zero.

Nichole: Yeah. Two, I don't know. He mentions that they're fit at the end, so that might be an implied rule that you have to be fit to.

Laurel: He says that they're picky, so I'm gonna give it a two for being picky. And I don't know what you mean by that, but you mean something by it for sure.

Daniel: must have a pulse. must not look him directly in the eyes. He always wears sunglasses. Exactly.

Annie: I'll also go to, because he has some ideas here, right? Like, let's soak some sheets. Let's straight swaps. Three on one, one on one. The answer too. And

Daniel: you have to come, he's gonna be very upset if you do not come multiple times.

Daniel: Yeah. We

Annie: also have to have multiple orgasms, which I can't do. I've only done once. Yeah. Hmm.

Daniel: You're like, you're like a dude. You're like, I'm done.

Annie: Yeah. Yeah. Have my

Daniel: orgasm. I'll get you a taco

Daniel: anytime, Annie. We'll get you a taco.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna say a three just because of the, the throwing in the fit and picky. Fit and picky. Okay. Yeah. Toward

Laurel: the end. That's fair. Would we unicorn for them? Oh

Daniel: god, no. Sexual monster is a term that you use for like Jeffrey Epstein.

Annie: Yeah. Yes. Very creepy.

Annie: That's something only a Republican would think is a compliment. It's so true.

Daniel: But what if he's, it's like a monster, like Monsters Incorporated. And he's just got a really big mascot suit.

Laurel: Is Billy Crystal?

Daniel: Yeah.

Annie: Because then he would, then his dick would be called the tickler.

Annie: He thinks he is like, Cal Drogo up in here. Or not