Daniel: so wait. Is this all Girl Scout? Yeah. Goods expansion.

Nichole: It is, but these are not branded with Girl Scout stuff. So the tumblers and the candles are not like girl scout tumblers and candles. Right. Unlike these deluxe pecan

Laurel: clusters. Oh, these are deluxe, these are the deluxe ones. These are the deluxe. They look kind of sad.

Daniel: is Girl Scouts just becoming like Alibaba? Like that's

Nichole: what it feels like. It feels like overstock.com a smattering of goods that they think people might want.

Daniel: Alright. , What goods would you like to see actually? Like come from the Girl Scouts

Nichole: labor?

Laurel: I want them to work

Nichole: for it again back in my day. No, I want to hire a bunch of Girl Scouts to clean my house. Oh, man. And mow my lawn.

Laurel: Yeah. I would have them weed, my front lawn

Nichole: they're short enough that they can dust the baseboards like real easily.

Daniel: Wow. I, I've never heard like, a spirited pro child labor argument from Nicole before.

Daniel: This is a good day.

Nichole: I just feel like there are other organizations for children like four H is all labor based.

Daniel: Hmm.

Nichole: Like you have to muck stalls, raise like animals, , You

Daniel: also have to develop a weird kind of lifelong erotic fascination with horses.

Nichole: No, you're, you're putting that on. Four H also expands to bunnies, and sheep. It's not just horses.

Daniel (2): I've never met a bunny girl, like somebody , who just became a bunny girl and then was still a bunny girl, like in their thirties. You have, if you've become a horse girl in your teens, then you're a horse girl for life.

Nichole: You haven't been to many county fairs, have you?

Daniel: when I was myself a Guinea pig boy. Oh, you said Guinea pig boy, Uhhuh and a, horse s lad. I had Welsh ponies. one was named Moon Shadow and the other was named Crystal.

Nichole: Oh, you're fucking hippie.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: And I rode Western style. I feel like I must have been the only Jew in my horse class.

Laurel: The only Jew in horse class. No, we've

Nichole: talked about this before because you two rode Western.

Laurel: Oh, no, I didn't write at all. Oh,

Nichole: you didn't write at all. Yeah. Okay. I rode English,

Laurel: my mom rode horses

Daniel: Laurel doesn't like to talk about it because she's the, she's the only non. Horse rider in Jew class.

Nichole: Wait, you were just saying that you were the only Jew in your horse class? It can't be both.

Daniel: I just like to create symmetrical arguments that go nowhere. , You like that?

Laurel: Is the difference between like Western and English style, just like what I'm picturing, which is like a cowboy movie versus like an English period piece.

Nichole: The saddles are different and the writing style is different. Mm-hmm. When you're in English, you have to post, which is, lifting yourself up.

Nichole: Yeah. As , the horse is trotting.

Daniel: I feel like Western style, you have to slouch. Like you have to Okay. Have kind of a posture, like you have been on the trail for too long and you know, like you're kind of riding and farting at the same time.

Laurel: It is what I'm picturing then.

Daniel: And you hold both reins in kind of one hand.

Daniel: 'cause you kind of can't be bothered.

Nichole: That's true. Yes. At my ranch, the Western style people were the Laies. The Laies.

Daniel: I mean, English is super prissy. Like You're holding the reins in each hand, like from Monty Python and the Holy Grail when they're, when they're, pretending like they're riding horses.

Nichole: welcome to Poly Amateur Hour.

Daniel: I'm Laurel. I'm Daniel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole.

Nichole: Do We have listeners in England?

Daniel: We have quite a few listeners in the UK

Daniel: they're really like tussling right now between, Canada, uk, Australia. Mm-hmm. Who is the number two greatest listenership of poly amateur hour. and for a while it was the uk I think they've lost the mantle back to Canada.

Laurel: Oh, okay.

Daniel: I

Laurel: can't

Daniel: believe

Laurel: Canada. Canada, you still haven't fucking written us back.

Nichole: Yeah, yeah. Can we do a read alert?

Laurel: I mean, we have heard from two Australian stewards at this point. Two uh, two. Yeah. So House Australia's fucking winning by far.

Daniel: I think it's because they're really chill in Australia. Right. They're riding western style for God's sake. So they like our vibe. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah. England and Canada think we're too loosey goosey for them, but they still tune in every week

Laurel: when they're drunk.

Nichole: Yeah. Whatcha saying?

Daniel: I'm saying something offensive about every English speaking country that listens to us.

Nichole: Every former principality under the Queen of England.

Daniel: so let's make this read alert for England. Yeah. Because we have never spoken to the uk, England, Scotland

Laurel: Whales.

Daniel: Whales.

Nichole: I hope we don't have any Welsh listeners because they probably get this all the time. People making,

Laurel: everyone always trying to speak Whale happens to me.

Nichole: Yeah. Daniel's still going. We're just gonna let him, we're gonna let him run it out like a toddler. We're just gonna let him exhaust himself.

Laurel: That was a nice whale impression, honey.

Daniel: Thank you. I would really like to hear from our listenership in the uk like I studied. English literature for, for my colleges.

Laurel: So you wanna what? Talk Virginia Wolf with them. We have so much in common. I your English. I studied English literature. , What

Daniel: Dickens novel do you reread every year?

Nichole: yeah. Would love to connect with UK listeners, England tends to be about two to three years ahead of us politically. Mm-hmm. They did Brexit first, um, before we elected Trump the first time. So I just wanna check in and see how it's going over there. Just like, just a little check-in. Yeah. Is there a

Daniel: hope? Our news media has now been absorbed by the federal government, which has now been absorbed by the body of Trump.

Daniel: And

Nichole: for people who are worried about us in Portland, Oregon, don't be, , I mean, who knows? By the time this airs maybe Doy, but, um, so far

Laurel: maybe doobie

Nichole: so far with the protests, all it has been, it has been people in inflatable animal costumes dancing in front of the ice facility.

Daniel: I feel like ice is like the natural career progression for mall cops.

Nichole: Yeah. 'cause they want to feel important

Daniel: or is that like when you get fired as a mall cop is like Paul Blart like gets canned and like it's the next step down is like, oh, I guess it's ice now.

Laurel: Yeah. I think unfortunately it's just the ideal career for like Proud Boys.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah.

Nichole: Anyways,

Daniel: so listeners in the uk, if you'd like to tell us what polyamory is like where you're at, or how the global rise of fascism is affecting you, give us a holler,

Nichole: please reach out to us. You can email us at Poly Amateur hour@gmail.com.

Nichole: , But speaking of our inbox,

Daniel: oh, it overfloweth. Mm.

Nichole: And we have a new segment that we haven't named yet.

Daniel: We have two choices. Mm-hmm. Laurel, what will it be?

Laurel: I just remember the hamburger one.

Daniel: Alright. So by default of Laurel's memory, we have selected the title of this segment, DM Sliders.

Daniel: So, for a long time we've been asking for questions, we've been asking for recommendations for is this poly, and, for the most part we've gotten back non sequiturs and animal facts so thank you. We didn't know what we really wanted until it was actually provided.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Yeah. I'll start off with a connection that

Daniel (2): has already had effects and reverberations throughout the poly amateur, our sonic landscape.

Daniel (2): I'm one of those new stuss that has found you because some other stubbert was participating in your poly pyramid scheme.

,

Daniel (2): to say I love your podcast is an understatement. I'm completely in, you all model exactly what I wish I had in my life, and I'll admit to crushing on all of you. Oh.

Daniel (2): I am so glad to have added your perspective and your humor to my daily routine.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Laurel: Dude, I have found out since then that they've recruited like four other listeners. Oh yeah. And I think that we should give them a prize. I don't know what it is.

Daniel: What's, is it a slider?

Nichole: It's a slider. We'll send you or any of these candies that we don't finish

Daniel: and so we reached out to this Stubbert and started having a little back and forth.

Daniel: They ended up being an incredible musician and added the baseline, which some of you may have heard appearing suddenly in our theme song.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Oh, I love it. It's great.

Daniel: It's like if every piece of the ship is replaced one at a time, is it still the same ship? This is what's happening with our theme song.

Laurel: Ooh.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: Slowly. One by one. Are we gonna be replacing hosts too?

Daniel: Well, you're gonna replace me with a bald eagle,

Nichole: And then we got this anonymous submission, , from a listener. This is

Daniel: kind of a two-parter. There's a message. then there is a review.

Nichole: Yep. Okay. Suggestion wrap Beef with Adam and Ben.

Nichole: Adam and Ben Being the hosts of The Greatest Generation and The Greatest Trek

Nichole: A podcast, remember when Adam and Ben tried to start a wrap beef and failed a wrap beef between the amateurs and Ben and Adam would be juicy. I left an Apple Podcast review, so that could be a starting point. Stupidious, oh boy.

Nichole: Um, and the review says title of the review. Funny funnier than greatest Jen slash Trek.

Daniel: Hey, five

Nichole: stars.

Daniel: I'm not gonna throw it outta the hammock. You know,

Nichole: my favorite podcast, since I heard about it on the priority one message, it will be a sad day when I finish the back catalog.

Nichole: Love the rap musical vibes. I've learned so much. Found out a choir buddy is Polly. When I recommended the podcast, let me give you money, please. Okay. I love the spirit here. I love it so much. Yeah. And

Laurel: oh, I thought you were gonna drop some bars.

Nichole: Oh, yeah. Now I'm starting to wrap. Yeah. So I asked, I was like, do we have to wrap?

Nichole: Is that, are we expecting Adam and No,

Daniel: no, no, no, no. They early on tried to start a kind of a beef with this other Star Trek podcast called Mission Log. but it was all in jest.

Daniel: They were just trying to kind of like pull them out into, , engaging with them. Yes. And I think importantly, it was another Star Trek podcast , like us going up to them and like starting an argument and being like, I think Texas style barbecue is the best barbecue. Like has nothing to do with their podcast at all, but has to do with beef.

Daniel: Hmm. So One apples to, to weird oranges. Us being the weird oranges, , two. I kind of feel sorry for Adam and Ben right now because, oh, wait, wait.

Daniel: This is the beginning of the beef. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Lemme finish. Lemme finish my sentence. Jeez, you guys, because all of these longstanding fos and like employees. Of the pod coming out of the woodwork and being like poly. If I were them, I would feel like I was on one of those Twilight Zone episodes of the next generation where like the members of the crew are being replaced by like pod people or something.

Daniel: Like,

Nichole: they're like, like everybody. I felt, I, I apparently somebody mentioned us in another like priority message. I know they paid money to mention our podcast and I'm sure Ben and Adam were like, what the fuck? Can these people just go away? They bother us at the con, I don't make eye contact, but I don't say anything.

Daniel: And that's the other thing is that we already have like a warm, cordial relationship except for Nicole. Nicole doesn't make eye contact, but the rest of us already have a connection with them, and so the wrap beef wouldn't quite really work. Right. Yeah. Um, which brings me to who we should start a wrap beef with.

Daniel: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Nichole: Yeah,

Daniel: yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: It's a little old polyamory podcast out there. The, the, I I would say, you know, to borrow some phraseology from Greatest Jen, I would say they are big pod

Nichole: uhhuh.

Daniel: Yep. Uh, Uhhuh. Yep. Uhhuh we're talking about. Multi amory. Start beef

Nichole: with multi amory. I think, we discussed this before we even started recording our first episode.

Nichole: Yeah. Together because have listened to multi amory

Laurel: uhhuh love, multi amory . I used to moderate for multi ery. Yeah. In there, like,

Daniel: you're in recovery now.

Nichole: That's a We haven't started the beef yet. Yeah. they have incredible practical advice Yes. To give. And

Nichole: there are stalwarts in the community. Yes.

Daniel: Yeah. Um, and that's not what the world needs right now. We the people have had enough of your helpful researched, psycho therapeutically grounded advice and insight ,

Laurel: I found out about multi Emory because they had like a Reddit account and like posted occasionally mm-hmm. On it. And every time they did, somebody would attack them and just be like, stop, like trying to plug your podcast, you fucking assholes.

Laurel: And now, the like poly sub wiki is like, you should go to these multi Emory episodes. And it's like, yeah. Hilarious. How? Yeah. They've become the establishments.

Nichole: That's your beef. They've become the establishment. That's right.

Daniel: Yeah. And I think it's time to take them down a peg. Yeah, yeah,

Nichole: yeah, yeah.

Nichole: You hear that? Multi Emory, just so you know, when, when Daniel says, take you down a peg, ,

Daniel: I mean, peg you, he

Nichole: means sexually for sure. What mean, uh,

Laurel: he means you're all very attractive and kind, smart people.

Nichole: He means

Laurel: they're conventionally attractive.

Nichole: You know, who's gonna embarrass themselves?

Nichole: It's gonna be us

Daniel: which is what the world needs right now. They wanna see some people fall on their fucking faces.

Nichole: And you wanna be that person.

Daniel: I am that person. And to start us off, our guest today, I'm not gonna say favorite so far because I love You can't.

Daniel: I love all of our guests. We're non-hierarchical, but I'm gonna say most chaos energy, except for John Billing. I was gonna say, what about John? We are welcoming back for her first return visit to Poly Amateur Hour. Mix

Daniel: . dahlia Bell

Daniel: Dalia Bell is a Portland based comedian with a national, if not global footprint. And now is a regular attendee of our weekly Star Trek night.

Laurel: This is just Daniel bragging that like he's friends with Dalia.

Nichole: I wanna know which comedian is coming over to Multi Amory's Star Trek nights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. Huh huh. We're throwing a lot of arms and you can't see it. You can't see it. But all of us doing this, who's coming to your, yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: shall we

Nichole: roll drums?

Nichole: I'm just also assuming that Multi Amory has like what? Antiques Roadshow nights.

Daniel: We were just, , talking about how we're gonna, , start a beef with, , the other most popular poly podcast. Oh yeah. I would say that like we are the other

Laurel: most popular,

Dahlia: I'm here for it. Like you're one

Laurel: of them.

Dahlia: It's called Manifesting. This whole,

Daniel: This is like why Rap Beefs are started is 'cause usually one person is exactly is less well known. And so in order to get attention, they attack the more famous Yeah. Right,

Laurel: right.

Daniel: Rapper.

Laurel: Are you saying we're just doing this for attention?

Daniel: I'm saying we are like Tweety Bird lo when he tried to start a beef with, uh, who did he try and start a beef with?

Daniel: Oh,

Dahlia: it was like, I would first need to know who Tweedy Burt Looch is.

Daniel: It was like, he's a nineties, guy and I think he tried to start a beef with KRS one. Why? But you don't know. Yeah. So how did that

Dahlia: go?

Daniel: I mean, who do we know now?

Dahlia: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Daniel: Which name did you recognize? . Nobody says Who is KS one? Yeah. Nobody even says who is Tweety Bird Lo because nobody mentions Tweety Bird. Lo this doesn't bode well

Laurel: for us. It doesn't.

Daniel: No, no, this go great. This. Right.

Dahlia: Yeah. That was a bad advertisement , for stirring beef, for clout.

Daniel: We are doing it for the failure. It's for the experience. It's for content. Yeah. We wanted to do , our flagship segment with you. Okay. To start off. Ooh, yeah. Ask the amateurs. And we're gonna do, , a few little questions.

Daniel: because as a comedian, you may have some difficulties, answering the, the serious ones.

Dahlia: That's fair.

Dahlia: It's not my job to know things. Quite the opposite of that.

Daniel: Alright.

Daniel: Question number one. What is the etiquette around having a scheduled zoom date with one partner while on a road trip with a different partner? I

Dahlia: I, I think the proper etiquette is to not schedule a zoom date with one partner while on a road trip with the other partner.

Daniel: Yeah. I would say if you were traveling with them and you were like in a hotel Sure.

Daniel: But like, I don't even like to really have like phone conversations. Exactly. Yeah. In the presence of others. Yeah. Um, so I would not even do that.

Nichole: you hate that when Laurel and I are on the phone Oh yeah. With somebody else and you're in the vicinity. Yes.

Dahlia: Well, it kind of feels like you are like dismissing one partner to invade another partner's privacy.

Dahlia: Like how do I violate both of your boundaries at once?

Dahlia: Which to be fair is non-hierarchical. So that's, yeah. There's something to be said for that.

Daniel: And then Zoom. You never know like when somebody is gonna just whip it out 'cause it's exactly video call. Like

Nichole: maybe

Laurel: that's what they mean by etiquette.

Dahlia: Mm. Yeah. Don't whip it out. Don't,

Laurel: yeah. Don't get Nike on your Zoom.

Laurel: Okay. I did not interpret this to mean like while you're in the car with the other Yeah. 'cause that would also make me sick. That would definitely make me sick. Yeah. I thought it was like, oh, when you get. To your hotel or whatever, like, um, and that you might have some privacy theoretically.

Daniel: Alright. If you can establish privacy, then it's fine.

Dahlia: Yeah, exactly. As long as there's privacy, who carries

Dahlia: Yeah. And if you're currently in a car with one partner, you're already on the verge of a fight. So why

Nichole: Yeah. Why

Dahlia: add an additional conflict to the mix.

Nichole: Yeah. But you know what's gonna prevent fights is listening to poly amateur hour while you're on your road trip.

Daniel: So true. This is true. Yeah. And then it's like you're both in a like zoomo call with us. I suppose that's like the,

Dahlia: the true etiquette. Like if you have a scheduled Zoom call with one partner while on a road trip with another partner, make sure you're all listening to poly amateur hour

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: And discuss it.

Dahlia: Yeah. And then it all smooths out.

Laurel: Cause here's the thing. So like when Sean comes and like visits me here Yeah.

Laurel: He'll have like video calls or Zoom calls with his other partners. Well, he's here, but he is usually here for like a week or two. I wouldn't expect you to stop talking to other people. That's insane. Yes. Yeah. Um, I could understand if it's like a weekend getaway and you know what Exactly. Which was my interpretation. Yeah.

Laurel: I'm like, is there like a set amount of time in which you're like, , oh, if our trip together is longer than X number of days, you're allowed to Then I feel like, I think

Dahlia: if the trip is longer than five days, you should expect your partner to fuck someone else.

Daniel: I think in your, in your presence. Yeah. Riding shotgun.

Nichole: Yes. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I think if a road trip is longer than five days, then you need to reconsider what this relationship is if you want it to continue, because that sounds like a fucking nightmare. That is fair.

Daniel: Alright, next question. I'm a chef, newly Polly. What's the protocol for tracking food takeout containers and or casserole dishes between partners?

Daniel: Like how long can you hold onto one before you give leftover soup to someone else? How long does someone hold onto my beloved casserole dishes before I need to ask for them back? Does anyone else care? No. I'm

Dahlia: so glad there was

Laurel: that,

Dahlia: that that ribbon on it.

Laurel: Here's your, it was the exit sign. Here's your way out.

Laurel: Alright, next question.

Nichole: Okay, I don't know that you need to set aside food for somebody.

Nichole: Okay. I

Dahlia: think if you're snowballing, it should still be warm. You want the leftovers to still be fresh.

Daniel: Uhhuh, What is

Nichole: happening?

Dahlia: Do you wanna explain? No, thank you. Okay. Fantastic. We'll move forward.

Nichole: Am I gonna have to Google this later?

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Yes, you will. Fuck me. I just don't wanna be like caught that I'm wrong.

Dahlia: Oh,

Laurel: oh.

Dahlia: It, it, it is passing, , retrieved semen from one recipient to the next.

Nichole: Oh,

Daniel: you look so delighted.

Laurel: Well,

Daniel: that was a look of

Nichole: wind sea. Nicole's like, oh, I've done that. No, I'm just like, oh, there's so many things you can do with semen.

Nichole: Exactly.

Daniel: Y'all, you need is a boat

Nichole: That might be your one pond that you get.

Laurel: like if you and Daniel have leftovers in your fridge, Uhhuh semen, if you have, when you're keeping Daniel Seamen in the fridge, right, right, right, right, right.

Laurel: How long does it have to be there before Daniel can offer it to me before it's not your leftover semen

Nichole: anymore? I mean, Laurel, I just offer the mute directly. Like Daniel is not in the, at all,

Dahlia: honestly, I'm with Nicole on

Daniel: this now. The emphasis here, we should recenter on the casserole dishes because they're not talking about my semen, which I'm a little, I kind of wish there were more questions.

Daniel: About my semen.

Laurel: How long does your semen keep in the refrigerator? In the freezer? Not enough Questions about

Daniel: my semen. Not enough questions about doll's. Booty hole. This is true. Why are we even here?

Daniel: I personally don't care that much about any of my casserole. Yeah. Dishes

Laurel: I think if there's something you're weird about, just state that upfront.

Daniel: Like Yeah, there you go. Yes.

Laurel (2): Like, like I am kind of weird about getting like my Pyrex back.

Laurel (2): Yeah. Not that I ever offer it to anybody 'cause I don't cook, but like if I was like handing someone something in like a glass, I would be like, I'm weird about this, so I'm gonna ask for it back if you don't give it back to me. Yeah.

Daniel: I think you don't pass someone else's casserole dish onto another partner.

Daniel: Like if they leave it at your house, it's either you have to give it back or you keep it and get the partner out of your life so that you can keep the fucking casserole dish, but you don't pass it on to somebody else.

Laurel: This is how I get all my kitchen appliances, by the way.

Daniel: It's actually,

Dahlia: but depending on like the, the complexity of their molecule, like if they have like a food train Yeah. That they all do. Amongst themselves. Is that

Daniel: when you're snowballing in a line? Is that a food train?

Dahlia: You know what, yes, I do believe so.

Dahlia: I believe that would be called a gravy train.

Daniel: Don't give away someone else's casserole dish.

Daniel: unless you have broken up with them and you have not seen them in like months.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: And if I give you my semen in a casserole dish, hold onto it.

Dahlia: That's true.

Nichole: I'm just imagining like

Dahlia: it's only casserole

Nichole: dish is pretty big.

Nichole: Yeah. Where you put that is a lot of semen. That's a lot of semen. It's

Daniel: likes, it's like I'm just working on it for like a month beforehand.

Laurel: Oh, it's, it's a casserole dish you buy on Timo and you didn't realize, you're like, this is such a steel and it's a dollhouse size one.

Daniel: I thought you met, you bought it on Timo and it's filled with.

Daniel: All right, next question. Next, next question. I recently started dating someone with OCD. Do you have any suggestions or advice regarding dating someone with OCD? Things I should do or avoid doing. Well, that's an interesting question. Mm-hmm. To ask someone with OCD, , for Laurel and Nicole, what are your experiences dating someone with OCD?

Daniel: Jesus. Wow, that was cold. Yeah. Why, why

Dahlia: did they just call you out on it?

Nichole: He talks about it all the time. Yeah.

Dahlia: But it still seems bold to just be like, Hey, how do y'all deal with Daniel?

Nichole: Well, glad you asked.

Daniel: Dalia can also talk about this a little bit too.

Dahlia: I mean, I don't know that we have the same OCD.

Daniel: Nobody has the same OCD. That's the one. Yeah,

Dahlia: exactly. That's the wonderful thing about it. And I think that's what makes this question difficult.

Dahlia: Like it depends on your partner specific OCD. Mm-hmm. Like if it's around dishes, then don't dirty every single dish.

Laurel: Yep.

Dahlia: If it's around like doorknobs, don't. Spit on the doorknob. I don't know. Like, yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. How about, how about this? Ask them about their OCD. Yeah, exactly. At least 20 times every day. Oh my God.

Daniel: Like my OCD has to do, let's see, with hypochondria mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Around STIs. So, hey, so communicate with me about your STIs if you were with me.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: I would say your hypochondria extends out past STIs. Oh yeah. Sure. Mm-hmm. Um, I would also say you have, um, obsessive thought.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: So like, your ooc D doesn't necessarily manifest in like, physical, repetitive actions.

Nichole: It's, um, obsessive thought tunnels.

Dahlia: Laurel, what annoys you about Daniel?

Laurel: I mean, it's funny that you talk about , the STI thing. Because I have partners or have had partners that aren't like hypochondria. Or OCD who have been way more difficult about it. Mm-hmm. and so there's some like benefit to your, um, self-awareness. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yes.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah.

Daniel: And also it's been like kind of just gradually sanded down by all the fucking sluts. I fuck.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. I, I like to think of myself as, , uh, living ERP for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. Living in an eternal state of risk and worry,

Laurel: it balances out. Yeah. Like I get annoyed with the compulsive thoughts when, , you bring up the thing that you're worried about or obsessing about.

Laurel: Okay. And then I'm just like, no, you're not dying. Like, shut up. Like fun, which is actually

Daniel: kind of helpful sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.

Nichole: But Laurel, it took me years to figure that out. Yeah. the boundary of like, hear you and I'm not gonna validate whether or not you have cancer.

Nichole: Like, I I

Dahlia: I'm with you though. I have had cancer so many times.

Daniel: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Nichole: Yep.

Dahlia: Years before losing my virginity, I had also convinced myself that I had, uh, contracted Airborne HIV Oh wow. 'cause I had a pubic zit.

Daniel: Yep. Oh yeah. Yep.

Dahlia: And that's not a symptom of HIV at all. No. For the listeners at home. That is, that's not what that is.

Nichole: So do your partners like put up a boundary? Do they, do they work to validate? Do they disengage? Like,

Dahlia: Cole's preferred method is to say. Call a doctor about it then, and then I'll say, but I don't wanna call a doctor because then they'll diagnose me and then they're like, well, then shut up.

Dahlia: And then, and then I move on.

Daniel: I mean,

Dahlia: here's the thing.

Daniel: Here's, here's the thing. if you are dating somebody long term who has OC D educate yourself about the psycho, the therapeutic practices that are used.

Daniel: Yeah. So that you can support them in it and so that you can just understand how the work works.

Daniel: Because the main Gold standard therapy for OCD is called ERP. It's exposure, response and prevention. You just look at your pubic zit and go, oh yeah, I do have airborne aids. I guess I have airborne aids.

Daniel: Guess I'm gonna die. Like, I mean, that is

Dahlia: generally my approach to my hypochondria. Yeah. It's just radical acceptance.

Nichole: Yeah. And it's not something that your partner can do for you.

Daniel: But I think that you understanding the concept of it

Dahlia: Yeah.

Daniel: Oh, a thousand percent Yeah. Can be super helpful because it's like, you know that I'm like, my job is to not seek. Reassurance. . My job is to keep myself at a low boil for a long period of time until my fight or flight response goes, oh, I guess there's no point in this.

Daniel: Yeah, exactly. It gives the fuck up. Yep.

Dahlia: Sorry, I'm gonna put on my serious hat for a quick second. I think with this particular question, any question concerning like a partner's psychiatric conditions or whatever, I think the same rules applies they would for any other partner, honestly.

Dahlia: And it's about communication and understanding.

Dahlia: So yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Ask questions, listen

Dahlia: exactly.

Daniel: Be aware of your own mental, uh, issues. Yeah, exactly. Yes. As well.

Dahlia: Yeah. 'cause you have something too.

Daniel: Yeah, yeah,

Dahlia: yeah.

Daniel: Guaranteed. We all have Airborne HIV now. Yeah.

Daniel: We've sitting down

Nichole: here now we're this basement

Laurel: together

Nichole: on ventilated basement.

Daniel: You're welcome. Daniel.

Nichole: Is that all of our questions?

Daniel: That's all of our questions. That's it.

Nichole: Yeah. We

Daniel: have more to do. Okay. you like three quickies in a a row, right? That

Dahlia: is true.

Dahlia: You know me well.

Nichole: I am shocked in the entire recording of this since we've been doing like little snippets of things and here and theres that.

Nichole: You haven't said the word bon ma. Oh, you're right. Like once. Whoa. You have not said the term

Daniel: Bon Ma. I said it to Laurel earlier on or to you. I sent it to one of you when I was describing what we would do today. I was like, you

Nichole: haven't said it on the recording, and I'm proud of you.

Daniel: But now you brought it up. So now my oc now there's no avoiding it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I gotta, I gotta touch the doorknob. Fucking, yeah. Yeah. Uh, Mont. Uh,

Daniel: So this is the first time we're also going to do several unicorn hunter hunters. Ooh.

Daniel: unicorn hunter hunters is the segment where we look at a unicorn hunter profile from the internet, and we rate them on three important characteristics,

Laurel: self-aggrandizement,

Daniel: arbitrary rules,

Laurel: and would we unicorn.

Daniel: But today, since we have three of them, and I don't think that we wanna rate every single one, I think that we just rate them all on a scale of one to 10 of horribleness. Mm-hmm. And then declare a winner.

Daniel: I also want to maybe have a new special name for Unicorn Hunter Hunters. When we do them, like Fast and Furious like this,

Nichole: Scattershot.

Dahlia: Ooh, scattershot. That's a 'cause we're

Nichole: hunting.

Nichole: That's

Dahlia: solid.

Nichole: And it's a smattering. Oh, see? Yeah. Seamen.

Dahlia: Oh, seamen. Exactly.

Nichole: Seamen.

Laurel: Alright. All right. Welcome. A

Daniel: scattershot. It's like a bad aim. Cocky.

Laurel: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: So I have, , diversified in my searches to start looking at other platforms besides field because field has gotten a little bit too tame lately. It seems like people have been shamed out of their un socially responsible by this show. Yes.

Nichole: By the second most popular poly.

Daniel: What platform is this from? Yeah. It is called Swing Lifestyle. Wow. And, uh, the graphic, their logo is amazing.

Dahlia: Are we gonna show it to the listeners?

Nichole: It's gonna link it in the show notes. Yeah. Alright.

Dahlia: So stupid.

Dahlia: It's like they had AI produce stick figures of swingers?

Daniel: It looks like when you like do like paper dolls , like snowflake style

Nichole: it looks like a logo for corporate retreat. Yeah, like a corporate retreat team building exercise.

Daniel: All right. I think I have a voice for this first one. Okay.

Dahlia: All

Daniel: right.

Daniel: If you're okay with slow teasing, maybe see what happens time, then we can plan an exciting, fun evening. She is a lightweight beginner who is into dressing sexy, flirtatious encounters, teasing and being teased.

Daniel: Perhaps a little light play. Light is spelled like, uh, food light. Mm-hmm. Yeah. LITE. Mm-hmm. We have gone to a few lifestyle clubs, nude beaches, topless pools, interests are getting massage from a male or two males, exhibitionist games like going out, dressed in, revealing dress. Perhaps you come with us going to lifestyle clubs, being photographed by a male or husband, photos with her with a male in erotic, artistic poses into lightweight play seduction into see what happens rather than a Sure thing.

Daniel: I have been going to lifestyle clubs for 25 years.

Daniel: Been to heto and desire multiple times. The wife finds it interesting and fun. She's struggling to be comfortable in potential hookup situations.

Nichole: Don't love that.

Daniel: Mm, we are an adventurous couple in all aspects of our life. Are you?

Daniel: She is very attractive in shape.

Daniel: Wife. Overcoming a bit of shyness regarding the lifestyle. He is only a voyeur.

Daniel: Oh, no. Here's, here's, here is where it gets fun. Are you ready? ideas. We may be too lightweight for most people on this site, but. We can arrange a photo shoot a photographer photos her in Playboy penthouse type photos.

Daniel: I need a male model. No experience necessary to photograph with her in nude artistic, erotic positions. Would like to have two guys to photograph with her. Would like to have two guys to meet for business. Then take long limo ride where upon she sit between the two guys and then we can get a limo. Then go to dinner for business, then go someplace in the limo and find a reason to take sexy picks while we drive.

Daniel: We can meet at the house for business and dinner. Then we end up in the jacuzzi we can arrange to meet at a sports bar where you eventually offer a massage. Does she, FC is comfortable with another man. what? Then calling for a second more exciting massage. If you are interested in planning a playful seduction, contact me and we can meet.

Dahlia: Wait, contact me. He is soliciting

Daniel: Yes. For her.

Dahlia: Yeah. But she doesn't really want it. Exactly. Yeah. She does not seem like, like a, a willing participant in any of this. Wow. I love the detail to which she has mapped out, especially since, didn't he say earlier, like not a sure thing, just, you know, just casual planning.

Dahlia: Yeah. And by casual, I mean this very specific scenario

Daniel: I'm a voyeur, but I'm only voyeuristic for things representing, affluence. So I just really get off on watching her in limos.

Dahlia: Yeah.

Daniel: Like everything is like playboy circa 1996.

Daniel: I know. Yes. 'cause this is what I jerked off to for also

Dahlia: true. Yeah.

Nichole: Would like to have two guys meet for business then? Take long limo ride. Wear a pawn. She sit between the two guys and then we can get a limo. Like he already has the limo.

Nichole: Yeah.

Dahlia: So why is there a

Daniel: second limo now? He's, he's glitching out. Is it a limo? Within a limo? Within a limo.

Nichole: Then go to dinner for business. It's the business thing. Yeah. It's like.

Daniel: Is the business like a timeshare?

Daniel: Yeah. What is the business we're discussing?

Dahlia: I think this is supposed to be a bulleted list.

Laurel: Oh, okay. Like it's not

Dahlia: one consecutive event. Yeah. It's, it's multiple choice.

Laurel: Yes. It's like, here's a series of scenarios I would like to, an enact.

Laurel: Where do you want to have the business? Yeah.

Dahlia: Where would you like to do this? Where would you like to discuss business sports

Laurel: bar

Dahlia: limo? Before we get any limo? Is he trying to like, where you can attempt to seduce my wife and we'll see if this is awkward for both of you.

Nichole: I mean, I also look, we can arrange to meet at a sports bar where you eventually offer a massage. Like I, those are two things. One, sports bar, two, a massage in a sports bar. I can't imagine a worst scenario.

Daniel: Maybe it's a sports massage.

Nichole: I think these

Laurel: are

Laurel: these, these do seem very specifically like. Pornography plot lines. Yeah. Like yes. They're so filled with holes and confusing mechanisms. Yes. That would only ever like come to fruition in pornography. Yeah.

Daniel: This is why I don't go to sports bars anymore, is because everybody's coming up to me and offering massages. I'm like, God,

Dahlia: I see that for you, Daniel.

Dahlia: Obviously, I, I do not qualify to unicorn in this particular situation, but I, if he is the one paying for the limos and coordinating two dudes for me to fuck in a night, then I, I would probably marry this dude.

Daniel: And this is just like day in and day out, right? Yeah. He's just like, it's the weekend. Are you ready for your limo? Yeah, exactly.

Dahlia: That, that's a solid deal for me. I could live with that arrangement. as long as he never touches me. Ever.

Daniel: Uh, well, he does say, I am strictly a warrior. This is true.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I forgot. There's a little apsu at the end. It's a little bone mo. This is your fault, Nicole. I should not have brought it up. Uh, other info. We travel about 60% of the time. Okay. We go to Freedom Acres a few times a year when we were in SoCal.

Nichole: Freedom. What is Freedom Acres? I

Daniel: don't know, but it sounds like a place where you fuck horses.

Nichole: Oh God. Oh God. I mean, you know, Laurel, are you Googling it? Yes.

Dahlia: Are you Googling? Where do you fuck horses?

Daniel: Are you

Laurel: on your, and it just auto-filled Freedom Acres

Laurel: adults only resort? Yeah.

Dahlia: Okay. Yeah, that makes

Daniel: sense. Okay, so it's like Secrets Hideaway, but it's called

Nichole: Freedom Acres, but a worst name that's a MAGA hangout.

Dahlia: Y'all are gonna get sued by Freedom Acres

Nichole: probably. Okay, I welcome it.

Dahlia: Yeah. Lawsuits are good for business.

Daniel (2): It's a free acre.

Daniel (2): Alright. Oh God. we had a one a while ago. Uh, My penis name is Stallion.

Daniel (2): Mm-hmm. Yeah. This next one feels like penis named Stallion's cousin or something. He's in the same meth club.

Dahlia: Okay. So they're penises are cousins.

Daniel: They're meth clubs.

Dahlia: I hope so. Absolutely. I think so. I think so. Alright. It's just called a trailer park. Yeah,

Nichole: I think they go to regionals. Yeah.

Daniel: NSA good times and new friends may be an orgasm or two

Daniel: full swap couple seeking the same. Stacey loves oral breast worship, anal and B dpd, fantastic smooth pussy and extra large breast that are 34 double

Laurel: E and hard to swallow. What, what? Who's swallowing titties? Who's doing this? Where? Where they do that at? In the meth club.

Daniel: Oh God. Jake has endurance with a girthy seven inch cut to and large mushroom tip.

Daniel: What? Ready to go. Long time sand. Eat sun. Wonderful pussy. What? I'm sorry, can you back up? What was that last statement? Ready to go. Long time sand eat sewn Wonderful pussy. What does that mean? Some of them are typos, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it

Dahlia: supposed to say? There's some glitching taking place

Laurel: and eats some wonderful pussy. Okay.

Dahlia: Well, you're good at this.

Dahlia: You're fluent in meth.

Daniel: we are. Want to split a room with another fun couple and have marathon sex while watching porno and partying.

Dahlia: Okay. Yeah. That is 100%. Yes. That is a meth ed. Oh my god. I've met this dude.

Laurel: Oh, God. At the club?

Dahlia: No, I, I was coworkers with his wife. Um, did you swallow her tits, oddly enough?

Dahlia: No. No. I've yet to have the tit swallowing experience. I'm

Daniel: imagining trying to deep throat a tit.

Dahlia: A titty. Yeah.

Nichole: You guys are all trying it right now. I'm just like, I am the closest to the stairs in the exit, so I could just get up and walk away

Nichole: and maybe some more gagging noises that I might Oh my God.

Daniel: I have read

Dahlia: mini a party and play profile throughout my life. Obviously I, I frequent grinder, but you should write the profile and then do the math.

Daniel: There's a board of operations. Yes, yes, yes.

Dahlia: That's all I'm saying. I'm not judging the practice, I'm just judging his particular approach to it.

Daniel: I'm judging his emphasis and detail on not just genitalia, like closeup genitalia, but like the texture of genitalia. Like, fantastic smooth pussy.

Dahlia: I thought we weren't judging OCD

Daniel: and , mushroom tip. I have never heard anybody be like, it's like a fucking Frisbee at the end of my cock. Yeah. Like what? Which is not hot. No.

Nichole: Also, you mentioned texture. I know it's a typo, but sand is in there.

Nichole: Yeah. Right. And I'm just like, sand it. Pussy.

Laurel: Yeah. Sand is the most evocative word in that profile. Yeah. So many.

Dahlia: Because I don't know that that's a typo. That's the thing. Okay.

Daniel: I feel like somebody's died. Trying to swallow a titty like that feels like,

Nichole: oh my God.

Daniel: I'm gonna have to Google

Dahlia: this later. Can you swallow a titty?

Laurel: Titty? Yeah.

Dahlia: I bet this is a fetish somewhere. Yeah. I bet if we dig deep enough on the internet,

Laurel: someone choking on a titty. Yeah. Is it like a PornHub category?

Dahlia: Yeah.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Titty. Chokers.

Dahlia: Yeah. Get you check laurel. Choking.

Nichole: That's your work computer, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: Choking. Just choking. Only. Tit. Tit.

Laurel: Uh, tit. Choking.

Daniel: Alright. This was sent in by, uh, a listener and it's hard to read because they have sent in a flyer that was stapled to a telephone poll. That's a choice. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel (2): And just for your visual reference.

Daniel (2): By woman seeking woman. All caps,

Daniel (2): for four 20. Friendly, closed throuple ship. What? It's like a boat. Okay.

Daniel (2): Um, I'm a 34-year-old bisexual woman, from New Jersey, seeking another woman to join my partner.

Daniel (2): thirty-six, Straight straight and I in a closed throuple ship, We are an easygoing couple. Mm-hmm. Enjoying life in both New Jersey and New York City. We work nine to five, Monday to Friday and are looking for someone who's four 20 friendly, open-minded, and aligns with our values and schedule.

Daniel (2): The goal is to find someone to naturally fit into our dynamic fo focusing on mutual respect, communication, and shared experiences. Let's connect

Dahlia: I don't want to meet anyone who takes the time to actually read this entire thing on a poll on their morning commute and then click the QR code and respond.

Dahlia: That person's terrifying. Yeah.

Daniel: And honestly, if you're gonna do something like this, don't put a fucking QR code there with the little Terry's. Exactly. Make it cute. At least. Yeah. And each one has like a little different, like, , dirty bone mock.

Daniel: God, I

Dahlia: blame you.

Daniel: Unicorn.

Nichole: I blame myself.

Daniel: We could have gotten through this whole thing without a fucking bone mark's you. You had to mock me.

Daniel: Him. Height, six feet tall, weight, 215 pounds, muscular build, great thinker, high energy, Virgo, non ugly face. What? That's my favorite part of this whole thing.

Laurel: STD free. He's not cute. He's not handsome. He's just not ugly. Yeah.

Daniel: Just, just not ugly face. I mean, I feel like, I feel like at least it gives it strong credibility, you know, like if I, if if she's saying non ugly,

Dahlia: she had the option of not describing his face at all.

Dahlia: Yeah. Yeah. That's true. She was,

Laurel: she's describing him. Yeah. Non ugly. If you called me non ugly, I,

Daniel: I don't know. I I would tear down all your flyers. This is why I, this is why I call you ugly in all of my flyers. Honestly, that would be better. Yes. If you're like ugly face hot, real

Laurel: sweet.

Daniel: She says, she says

Dahlia: muscular build.

Daniel: Yeah. So like, like, he's like nice

Dahlia: body kind of ugly in the face area. Oh my God. God. I, I feel is more compassionate than not. Ugly face.

Daniel: Her height. Five two. Weight 185 pounds. Curvy and bottom heavy. 38. 34. 48.

Dahlia: Very specific. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Calm energy. Taurus. Cute as a button. STD free. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: You between five feet and five eight. Between 165 pounds and 205 pounds. Bottom. Heavy. Good energy. Each person has their own type of energy Yeah. That they bring to this emotionally open age. 30 to 40 STD free.

Laurel: I'm surprised that they didn't put an astrological sign. And, and once again, this is

Dahlia: for a closed throuple.

Dahlia: Yeah. Yeah. So in other words, you cannot see anyone else. You are our, our servant.

Daniel: Yep. Yes. Yeah.

Dahlia: And you must meet these extremely specific requirements

Daniel: and have nothing to do on a Sunday morning. But read this fucking flyer on the street. Yeah.

Dahlia: And be okay with my not ugly in the face partner.

Dahlia: And she who is outside of our weight requirements for you. What?

Dahlia: Yeah. Have you

Nichole: tried the QR code?

Dahlia: let's

Nichole: do it right

Dahlia: now. Yeah. so are they doing like group interviews?

Daniel: It goes to Discord. Oh, this invite link is invalid or has expired. Oh, tough luck. Damn

Dahlia: position has been filled. Listeners, we all missed out on a prime opportunity for whatever the fuck that was.

Nichole: Oh my God. Oh my God.

Dahlia: Honestly the last one might be the worst. ,

Daniel: is the medium the message, right? Right. Yeah. Does its presence on a telephone pole, just shoot it ahead of all the others?

Dahlia: Yeah. It takes it to a weird place. , And it's also the, the mixed state.

Dahlia: It's like. We have like a real analog vibe. Mm-hmm. But also we do group interviews on Discord.

Laurel: Yeah.

Laurel: It does look like the flyer was like produced in Microsoft Word. Exactly. It does. 'cause there's a drop shadow in the title.

Nichole: Like they used some word art in there. Yeah, yeah.

Nichole: Like I did for my flyer for my 12th birthday.

Daniel: Thank

Nichole: you. Yeah.

Nichole: You have to start to think about what is the thought process that got them to this place.

Dahlia: Exactly.

Nichole: They had to have made this in word, figured out how to make a QR code. Did the QR code, Did they go to an Office Depot? Yeah. And like if they did go to an Office Depot. Are these my people? 'cause I love Office Depot.

Laurel: Oh no.

Dahlia: My other thing is like the, the first two, I think as bizarre as their descriptions of their partners were Yeah.

Dahlia: They were compelling. You know? Yeah. They're like, my partner's pussy is amazing. I love this pussy. I mean, it's gross and objectifying. Yeah. But you're at least like I am enthusiastic about the person I want you to exploit with me. And it wasn't like non ugly pussy. Yeah, exactly. Of all the sandy pussies I've had.

Dahlia: This isn't the sandiest,

Nichole: you know? Oh my God. I think it's also the term non ugly. Yeah. Like that is a term that we all use. Yeah. Like, you know, they're non ugly.

Daniel: Maybe they, maybe she's trying to be funny.

Daniel: There's

Laurel: nothing in the rest of this that has any humor to it. They also don't list sense

Nichole: of humor as something that they're looking for or half. Yeah. I

Dahlia: think that is honestly how she genuinely views her partner's face hooey. Like they wake up in the morning and she's like, you know what, you're no uglier than you were yesterday.

Daniel: Can we agree that this is our winner?

Daniel: I, I think so. This this is the worst.

Laurel: Okay. Yeah.

Daniel: I would like to propose, , that hypothetically, you have to hook up with the one that you rate the not worst, the least. The least, the least the least.

Laurel: Terrible. No,

Dahlia: I've already made my call on this.

Dahlia: I am. Marrying the first one 'cause he's not gonna touch me. He's just going to find dudes for me to fuck in limos

Nichole: I also feel like he would fulfill my working girl fantasies. Oh yeah. Right. Lots of business, business dinners. Yeah.

Nichole: Business in limos, business dinners

Daniel: in limos. Yeah. But , he's not looking to fill the role of the partner that he already has. Yeah, but I'm not a guy, so I, I'm not a You are the only one who's available for

Dahlia: that part. Yeah.

Daniel: I feel like when we do these kind things, we have to hypothetically assume that they will accept us regardless of their specified gender, , weight range or height range or size.

Daniel: Okay. Then know I'm not

Dahlia: going to assault this DE's wife for him then not

Dahlia: Yeah. Like do you

Laurel: have to, do you have to follow through on the scenario or can I just show up and be like very polite to her? Well,

Daniel: here's the thing. ,

Daniel: you might be doing her a favor by showing up and being This is true. Yeah. Yeah. The person who does not assault her.

Dahlia: That is true. So yeah, I think I'm still gonna go with number one. 'cause number two, there is a clear vision, . He believes that vision is hot, but

Laurel: hot and sandy. But it's not my vision.

Dahlia: Yeah.

Dahlia: that ends with me feeling very weird and slimy, but not knowing what the slime is. Yeah, yeah.

Daniel: are we all of one mind that we're going, , creepy

Dahlia: warrior?

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: I think so.

Dahlia: All right. Yeah. You just get to chill in a limo with his wife.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Who's very shy.

Laurel: Yep.

Daniel: And we're all gonna show up and have a wonderful fucking, that's also true. We're gonna have a wonderful Playboy photo shoot night, like Champagne.

Dahlia: . There's not even sex really required in the scenario. Yeah.

Nichole: No. There's the teasing of sex.

Nichole: We

Dahlia: just put on our best lingerie. Yeah. Yeah. And hang out with his wife for a night.

Daniel: Yeah.

Dahlia: Yeah.

Dahlia: And don't talk to him at all. Make zero

Daniel: eye

Dahlia: contact with this

Daniel: creep with the camera. Yes. There are certain kinds of voyeurs who I really like. a voyeur who seems kind of connective and like they're like appreciating what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. And you can, they're like, I am in the same room with you and my watching you is a form of participation.

Daniel: Yeah. Yes.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: And then there's the other kind of warrior. Who is like looking at you as though from behind a glass shield and they're like, aren't really aware that you can even see them. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Daniel: Yes. Yeah.

Dahlia: And that is very clearly who this dude is. Yeah.

Nichole: Yes. I mean, I think as women we probably experience that throughout the world. Yes, exactly. You know, like that's just, that's just our experience that's going

Dahlia: outside. Yeah. Yes. I've been outside.