Daniel: I mean. The main thrust of the dream is that you were dating Garrett fucking Wong.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah.

Daniel: Of Star Trek, Voyager fame.

Nichole: we've been watching a lot of Star Trek, Voyager, and I just, he's cute. He's yeah, hot. I mean, he is hot now, but like he was hot then.

Daniel: Yeah. Uh,

like,

This was directly after watching the episode where he gets like, sex drained by the alien ladies. Attempted, alleged sex draining.

We don't see it.

Nichole: They turned to the other guy into a mummy just by like, watch yourself,

Laurel: counselor. We don't know. Wait, does this speak to like the virility of Garrett Wong, or at least Enson Kim?

Daniel: That he was not turned into a mummy. Yeah. That he, no, he just hit one of the ladies over the head before she was able to do it.

Oh.

Nichole: so in my dream, which nobody cares about dreams, but people are gonna hear it anyway. Oh yeah. , I was dating Garrett Wong, and we were at a party and Paris Hilton was there, and she got me a big glass, like a water glass uhhuh of just vodka, no ice. Oh my gosh. Just vodka. And like, I could taste it in my dream.

Oh, yeah. And in my dream, I wasn't like, I, I wasn't upset. I was just kind of like, oh yeah, I don't drink, but I'm drinking now. All right. Because the main thrust of the dream was Garrett Wong.

Daniel: main thrust.

Laurel: I knew I was just waiting for you to, Ooh, I'm gonna, yeah.

Instead of calling like a, like main squeeze. Mm. My main thrust. Yeah. That's the new term for anchor partner now. Oh God.

Daniel: I really want us to share this story with Garrett Wong. Like just walking up to him as like a trio and we each just tell different parts of it. Starting our sentences like in the middle.

Oh. Like trading off. He

Nichole: probably had so many people tell him about dreams they've had about him over the decades and decades and decades of comic Cons and Star Trek cons. There is no way he hasn't had dozens of people say, I had a dream that you were my uncle. You know, like, I think,

Daniel: I think you're trying to normalize your freaky, freaky sex dream about Garrett Wong.

It

Nichole: wasn't a freaky, freaky sex dream. It was. It was quite boring. Okay, back to the dream. We're at a party. I am drinking a Tumblr of just straight vodka. Daniel was there and my other partner, Evan was there. So I was kissing Garrett and then it would like, we would work our way through the crowd and then Daniel would be there.

So I'd give him a kiss and then Evan would show up and I'd give him a kiss. Oh,

Daniel: that's what you mean by working your way through the crowd.

Nichole: So I decided, when I woke up, I was like, oh, this is, this is a dream about all of my Gen X boyfriends.

Daniel: Garrett Wong, you have now been inducted,

Nichole: whether you like it or not. I guess put them in the group chat.

Daniel: I don't know. I mean, I feel like Garrett Wong would come on our podcast even if he's not like poly or non-monogamous. Like we just need to find a good excuse. Like maybe that one episode where the women wanted to multiply, marry him and drain his DNA, we can have him on and be like, so was that, was that Polly?

What

Laurel: kind of poly content did you, did you ingest to play this

Nichole: role?

I mean, we've had John Billingsley on, and he's not Polly. Yes, he played a Polly character. But do we just work our way? Like do we try to get one person from each franchise that's like, oh, somewhat related to poll in some way. I mean, again, this is not a Star Trek podcast, and yet

Daniel: I mean, the person that we should go after is Jonathan Franks.

Laurel: Yes. Why? ' cause Riker

Daniel: and, and Troy, like, there was a lot of coded open relationship Polly stuff.

Laurel: I think we have to work our way up though. We have to climb the Trek ladder.

Daniel: Are you thinking hierarchically about our Star Trek stars?

Nichole: I'm saying,

Daniel: are you saying that Garrett Wong, I'm saying is like your secondary,

Nichole: I'm saying,

Daniel: is he number

Nichole: three? I have a crush on Garrett Wong. Can we go after him first? And then we know that Jonathan Fres, like how many episodes has Garrett Wong directed? Like Jonathan Fres is like busy. Yeah. This, this

Daniel: true.

Yeah, it's true. He's still, he's working.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Wow. We are really like digging ourselves a hole now with Garrett Wong. We're like, they

Nichole: erase that or delete it. Delete it, delete it.

Daniel: He's not working.

Nichole: No. We know he's working. I'm just saying he's of a

Daniel: lower

Nichole: rank.

Daniel: He's an ensen. Hasn't gotten a promotion in 40 years.

Nichole: That's not what I'm saying. Garrett Wong, I'm going to use your full name forever.

Daniel: Garrett Wong. I'm going to use your DNA.

Nichole: Oh, I do have a crush on

Laurel: you. Please don't judge me. Garrett Wong. If you're listening, please write to us at Poly Amateur hour@gmail.com.

Nichole: Oh yeah. Welcome to Poly Amateur Hour.

Laurel: I'm Laurel.

Nichole: I'm Daniel. I'm Nicole.

Daniel: I thought after our last episode that I was editing where we were talking about, how we were gonna introduce ourselves as a three goal

Multiple: Oh yeah. When, when

Daniel: people were like, oh, what, what are you, you know?

I was thinking that we could, since we don't really use our last names on this podcast Yeah.

Yet, I thought that we could all be like Daniel three goal. Nicole three goal, like we're the Ramones. Oh my God.

Laurel: Shall I legally change my last name to three goal?

Nichole: Yeah. Legal three goal.

Welcome to Poly Amateur.

Daniel: You

Laurel: can't do

Daniel: that. We already did that. I

Laurel: know.

Jesus Christ, Daniel.

Daniel: It's gonna be like my, uh, my way of just celebrating a laugh line moving forward. Doesn't matter how far we are into the podcast.

Laurel: It's the end of

Daniel: the podcast. People be so confused. I know that we had a complete plan for what we were going to do.

Laurel: Oh, no. Okay.

Daniel: Okay. And I'm, I'm doing this in part, I'm doing the big windup to get Nicole upset because it's not gonna take very long.

Laurel: I'm already upset.

Daniel: I'm gonna do something unexpected.

Laurel: Oh shit.

Daniel: I'm gonna do a new segment.

Laurel: Oh my God. What it's called. I haven't updated the air table yet. It's called, I haven't updated the air table yet. It's called Sex Bits. Oh, oh, you're bringing sex bits. Oh, all right. Oh no.

Nichole: What do I get to hear about with you and Laurel?

Daniel: Thank you for saying get to, I feel like, you know, you can't get jealous about this because I feel like you've put down strong unspoken boundaries that you do not want a sex bitch.

Nichole: I can't get jealous. I

Daniel: don't

Nichole: like, I I'm jealousy bitch. I don't, has nothing to, yeah.

I don't think this,

Laurel: yeah, I don't think that wasn't a jealousy groan for sure. No. Well just wait until you

Daniel: hear it.

Nichole: I'm sorry that I don't wanna like tap dance naked in the bedroom. Like it's just aren't fling my tits around so that they're like, I feel like doing little H

Daniel: hoops. I feel like those good feel too, those two that you just cited would be like.

The ideal ones for you? 'cause they're like Ann Margaret, like vibes. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Sex Bits is a new segment that we've done it unofficially many times with such hits as clinging on Death Scream when I'm coming. stove, a orgasm.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: And glasses on the pussy.

Laurel: uh. This pussy has eyes for you

Daniel: so Laurel had been out of town for several, Almost two weeks, week, week and a half, 10 days, 11 days. We hadn't seen each other in a while and we were just having, whenever

Laurel: I'm out of town, you're always like, rounding up. Well, it seems like a long time.

Well, I haven't seen you in a week. It was two days. Daniel,

Daniel: I miss you. Why don't you make me feel more vulnerable about it? Aw. so we were having like really loving, connective sex I let you have one orgasm without the bit.

Laurel: Yeah, yeah,

Daniel: yeah.

But then on the second orgasm, she's just getting there, getting there, getting there. And then I lean in and I say, Hey lady, oh my.

Laurel: God, which I think one, the most offensive part of this story is that, is that you took that idea from me. Not as a sex

Daniel: bit.

Laurel: Not as a sex bit. but I had said it earlier that day.

Daniel: But we trade. Hey lady, back and forth like A STI.

Laurel: Wow.

Daniel: Like we're always doing. Hey lady. But it just occurred to me in that moment when you said it earlier in the day.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Sex bit.

Laurel: And I knew as soon as you did the sex bit, I was like, You pocketed my hey lady.

And you just saved it for that moment. Did you laugh, Laurel? Did I laugh?

Daniel: Yes. Okay. Yeah.

Nichole: I would get mad immediately. I would be so upset.

Daniel: ' cause you're like, this is something that you just do with Laurel.

Laurel: No,

Daniel: because you ruin everything Daniel.

So for our, either non-Jewish or gen Z audience,

Laurel: if you're ethnically Jewish, are you just like born with the knowledge

Daniel: of Jerry Lewis? Yes. It's like a genetic memory. It's like, how Sam and No. To return to Spawn, we know to, watch Jerry Lewis movies. I feel like the Jerry Lewis impression is like whipped cream pie in the face of like gags too. It's like I have no respect for your personal space and I am outing myself as being completely out of touch with like the humor of the current generation.

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: Yes. Yeah. So it's perfect.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Daniel: For a sex bit with me and Laurel, I feel like I should golf clap or something.

Laurel: This is gonna be part of your eulogy.

Part of Daniel's? Yeah. Like when I eulogy, when I give Daniel's eulogy, it starts with, when I speak, it

Daniel: starts with that motherfucker.

Laurel: Here's an itemized list of all of Daniel's transgressions. We're

Nichole: there for three and a half hours.

That's a fun segment.

Laurel: Nicole can't wait to hear more.

Daniel: You wanna palate cleanse that with, uh, another segment perhaps? Sure. What segment would you like? I think it's Dealer's Choice. We subjected you to this.

Nichole: Mm. I guess we can get crazy Sexy Polly over with,

So, a few weeks ago we shared on this podcast that I had gotten some pretty, uh, gnarly results from an MRI.

Daniel: I mean, that was just because the radiologist was from California and he looked at and he said, gnarly.

Nichole: I wanna hear you try to say it

Daniel: gnarly.

Nichole: Ah, it's not bad. Yeah, it's not bad. ,

Daniel: I've seen fast times at Ridgemont High. I was

Nichole: gonna say spli. so my doctor referred me to an oncologist, and yesterday we had, uh, the oncology appointment. So then the time leading up to that, um, it was a lot of unknowns. Mm-hmm.

It was a lot of, like, over the holiday break, it was basically me like crying in public sometimes. Aw.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: and then like pretending like everything was okay and so we had to go to Happy Valley with, so everybody from Portland, it's like, you know, it should be a 20 minute drive. It was like 45 minutes.

Daniel: you kind of have to cross like dimensional thresholds, like to go from the world of Portland to the world of Happy Valley.

Laurel: Yeah. You don't get from. Portland to Happy Valley just by taking the highway. It's true.

Daniel: Also worth pointing out Happy Valley kind of spot on. Ironic name for, , all afternoon cancer date locale.

Nichole: Yep. It's true. so we were there for quite a while. Um, and because we were going to be there for quite a while, the crazy, sexy poly part is that Laurel came over to feed our dogs.

Laurel: It was so sexy.

Daniel: the stewards want to know that things are relatively okay.

Nichole: They're relatively okay. , I'm describing it as, Schrodinger's cancer, um, because like, there is, there is a chance that it's cancer. Yeah. I don't know how likely it is, but there is, but not a, not chance.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: this doctor gave us like a 20 minute shrug. ,

Nichole: It was

Exactly what I wanted. It was, I mean, what I wanted was, it's definitely not cancer.

Don't worry about it. Right. What I got was, could be cancer, could not be cancer, but. We're gonna monitor it every six months. Yeah. So this is the thing, this is what I was expecting after the MRI is, we don't know what it is. Let's just do it again in six months. Yeah. Instead, what I got was a phone call and a text message and an email in the span of two minutes telling me that I needed to go to the oncologist

Daniel: and a dream about Garrett Wong.

Nichole: I mean, that was a bonus. So we don't know

we're gonna scan it in a little bit, , and see if it grows.

If it doesn't, we'll just scan it again in another six months. Truly the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders is that Stewarts also know that I was hospitalized a few months ago. Now I can focus on that. Yeah, yeah. Like I can focus on that health crisis instead of having to delay all of that shit to focus on this.

Yeah. and let's say it does grow. I caught it super early. Yeah. I caught it so early and it's the best possible scenario for this kind of cancer. Like it, it's just a thing that I'm just gonna check in every six months. Status update. Can I get a status report? Great. See you again in another six months.

Daniel: This fucking cancer, superstore. Oh yeah. It was like all they do is cancer. It was like, it was across the street from like video only. And so it was like just cancer and honest to fucking God. The way it was organized reminded me of like a American mall food court.

Oh. Where, where there were like, different signs above like four to five doors at different like corners and places along this big like atrium, like middle waiting room. And it was like radiological cancer, surgical cancer, medical cancer. Whoa. I expected there to be an orange Julius.

Laurel: What if that was the only place you could still get an orange Julius?

Nichole: It's only for cancer patients. Yes.

Yeah.

Daniel: God, how cruel to fucking cancer patients.

Nichole: I never had an orange Julius.

Daniel: You've never had an orange Julius? No.

Nichole: They just, they didn't have them in Sacramento.

Daniel: They're not good.

Nichole: I think I liked them.

Daniel: It's like creamy orange.

Nichole: They definitely had them in San Diego. Yeah, they did, for sure. Yeah.

Laurel: Like every once in a while I sort of like crave an orange Julius. Mm. And I'm not sure if I'm actually like remembering what they taste like or not, but

Daniel: it's just like once in a while. Nicole has a dream about Garrett Wong, and you have a sense memory of an orange jewel. Yeah, Nicole. We're really, really, really glad and relieved that you can have like back burner I know, cancer for a while.

Yeah. Can you, can you still make jokes about it? you know, 'cause last time we kind of in our desire to spin this for the pod. We were like, you know, hey, at least we can make jokes about it.

Nichole: that's the thing is that because my health crisis now is, , either endometriosis or some kind of like, cystic ovary syndrome, it's just not as ubiquitous.

, You know. , Local jokes get local work and like there's

Laurel: just,

Nichole: it's a really specific audience when it comes to Endo.

Laurel: I feel like you can make jokes about it until you definitively don't have cancer. And then at that point in time you have to formally apologize for all of the jokes you make.

Daniel: I am totally on board with this. So, we'll, we'll go back, we'll record, we'll have like a abacus somewhere where we are counting

Laurel: an Airtable.

Daniel: Yeah, well I'm gonna use an Abacus and do a Jerry Lewis impression. Okay. Um, and then at the end you will pay penance.

Laurel: Great.

Daniel: Alright. Deal. Deal. By the way, I just pictured you like, you're like local jokes.

Get local work, Uhhuh. I'm like. How awesome would it be if you just did like a standup tour at women's clinics?

Lemme say about my handout. What is it with ovarian cysts? What? What is the

Laurel: deal with exploding ovaries? But it's like, you're not like invited or anything. You just like, you just drag some like mobile like PA system into a waiting room and set up a

Nichole: paper like brick wall behind me. Yeah.

Multiple: My God.

Nichole: Hello ladies and ladies.

Oh my God.

Multiple: Okay. Alright.

Daniel: What's next? I ask myself that every day and then I look with horror at the. Uncertainty. It awaits me.

Nichole: Horror, horror, horror.

Daniel: Did I say who?

Nichole: Kind of sounded like you did. Yeah.

Daniel: That's one of my teretic outbursts that I sometimes do. I know,

I know. Sometimes I, I say it in the shower and you're like, are you talking

Nichole: to me? I had stopped doing that many years ago. 'cause I've learned that You're not talking to me.

Daniel: Just, you're just used to answering to it.

Nichole: Oh no, we're not doing sex bits for me.

Should we gonna do and ask the amateurs?

Daniel: Oh, I think we should.

it's like you went to the cancer doctor. And so it's like getting a lollipop when you go to the dentist or something. This is your like favorite segment. So we're going to and ask the amateurs.

Thank

Nichole: you. because I behaved myself and Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Oh God. I'm so ready.

Laurel: Ready?

Nichole: I'm so fucking ready, so fucking wet for this segment. I, I'm sorry. I just really like it. I really like it. And Stewart's like, please send in your questions. Yes. Especially let us know if you want to talk about it with this. Yes. I would love to do a live ask the amateurs or a zoomed in, ask the amateurs.

Yeah.

Daniel: I don't know. Like to paraphrase our friends at Greatest Gen. I don't really wanna look at them during

Laurel: Daniel is wrong.

Daniel: This is going on the eulogy list. Yeah. Regardless, we'll take questions anyway. We can get them. Yeah, please. Yeah. Send them in audio, send them in, , written at Poly Amateur hour@gmail.com. Anonymously at our website, which is hour@polyamateurhour.com.

Laurel: There we go. Or you can DM us on the social medias Blue Sky or Instagram.

All right. Okay. This one comes anonymously from our website. It says, hello, friends and lovers. Do you think it's actually one of our lovers. I don't know yet. Yeah. Okay. We'll see.

Daniel: I think it's just wishful thinking.

Laurel: Yeah. On my part, I've been practicing relationship anarchy, although leaning more towards solo Poly for about five years and have one long-term partner who also practices RA as well.

We've had ups and downs as we met during prior marriages to other people and had to unwind both toxic monogamy and codependency as you do on this journey.

Daniel: When, Ooh, scandalous,

Laurel: When starting this path, we both made mistakes and there has been some trauma throughout due to that.

But overall, we have great loving and supportive connection, feel deeply connected and are dedicated to one another in ways that work for us. He tends to keep his connections more parallel and I've had more deeper connections apart from him during this time as well. Also, he leans more towards comment slash friends with benefits type connections all fine.

But recently he met someone that is monogamous and they have been messaging and planning to meet up after the holidays. He's been upfront about his intentions and isn't planning to date them, but there is some chemistry that they both are open to exploring down the road if the connection is a good fit. He insists on it being only a friendship to explore and is wanting to challenge the felt desire and not pursuing it as a friends with benefits dynamic. But because there is some chemistry already, it seems unavoidable based on his history and orientation,

she's monogamous and is recovering from a relationship and isn't sure about intimacy in general and doesn't seem bothered by him being RA and partnered. However, I'm feeling uncomfortable as she is monogamous and just out of a relationship and when he has dated mono people in the past, it's blown up in his face as it tends to.

I feel all I can do is warn him of the yellow slash red flag, but because of past ghosts from early in our relationship, I'm feeling hurt. He would even entertain a mono person,

Daniel: as in tap dancing in the bedroom.

Laurel: especially when recently recovering from from a breakup. I've stated the red flag, but he seems unconcerned and is excited to explore the connection as a friendship and see where it goes.

I told him I won't be available for any drama or processing regarding it if it goes poorly, but I tend to feel what's going on with partners energetically, whether I want to or not. I'm not. Sure what to ask. Exactly. But curious y'all's thoughts on this?

Daniel: So Nicole, you were bubbling over this whole time.

Nichole: I know. And I'm trying to like, not like I have a lot of follow up questions. Yeah. He has dated mono people before. Yes.

Daniel: Where did he meet this mono person? That was gonna be one of my first questions. Like if he met them on a dating site, it's entirely different than if he met them in the wild and it's a, an acquaintance of an acquaintance.

Somebody that he met, , at a party or with a friend. Right.

Nichole: that's the thing. The context matters in Yeah, in in how they met. Because this whole fucking, like, we have chemistry, but like, I just wanna like restrict myself and only be friends with this person.

The partner is saying to our stu, yeah. Bullshit,

Daniel: bullshit. I, I had a completely different reaction. What? Yeah. I'm like,, Granted, we should trust everything that our stubbert say, even if it's grounded in vibes, uhhuh. But scouts honor, I feel like to a certain extent, you have to take somebody at face value even if they've made mistakes in the past.

I think part of loving somebody is knowing the mistakes that they are. Prone to making, I'm gonna shove this down your throat sometime in the future. You're gonna love it.

Oh, I think I've exercised this philosophy with you, Laurel, with you, this

Nichole: person already, they already accept this person to face value.

Daniel: I don't know though. According to their partner, their partner is saying, Hey, I actually don't want to have a sexual relationship with this person.

And I think that you have to believe them.

Nichole: I'm not in a relationship with this person, so I get to call bullshit because that is maybe their personal journey to have to like trusting their partner. Yeah. But the thing that strikes me is that they, they have already demonstrated this trust with like, this person has already dated mono people and it is already blown up in their face.

So if they're taking that experience and saying like, Hey, I don't wanna date this person because I know from learned experience that it tends to blow up. If they had expressed that, then yeah, I would totally take them at what they were saying because they were expressing to me that they have learned from the past.

I don't know. I wasn't there for this conversation. Maybe they did.

Daniel: Yeah. This is like, you know, we have to just trust that Chekhov met Kahan at some point during the original series, even though we never actually saw the mate. Because in Star Trek, two Khan recognizes Chekhov when he comes down to the planet,

Nichole: I really thought you were gonna make a checkoffs gun.

Yeah, that's where I thought reference, but I should have known that it was a Star Trek reference. That's on me.

Daniel: I don't know, like he's saying he's declaring his intentions. Stu it doesn't sound like you are taking him at face value to me, or, or trusting that this is what he's going to do.

I mean, the statement that you've made is that it is unavoidable. Like you believe that this is going to happen regardless of your partner's stated intentions Like, it's also the kind of like, I tend to feel what goes on energetically.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Statement. I'm like, how much can you interpret by vibes? I mean, this makes me think about how you are so like sometimes so vibe focused and you start to believe, I'm speaking to Nicole, like sometimes you believe that a partner has a certain intention or something that is going on with them, , because you receive messages.

Nichole: Have I done that since I've been on Lexapro?

Daniel: No. You have not done it in the last two months.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: In your face.

Nichole: I learned my lesson.

Laurel: I think there's some things that don't quite line up for me here. One, that there is this insistence on exploring this connection in chemistry. When it's supposed to be a just friends thing,

Nichole: that's what I'm, yes.

Like,

Laurel: there's this like, language around seeing where it goes. This wouldn't be a thing if it was just like, oh, I have a friend. I'm kind of attracted to them. There's like some chemistry there, but they're monogamous and that's it.

Like they're just my monogamous friend that I'm kind of attracted to. Yeah. Like that's a, a whole different thing. But it sounds like their partner actively is attempting to challenge this paradigm that they have set up of getting involved with monogamous people and trying to like fight the desire.

Nichole: What is the point of exploring a connection if you're just going to ultimately deny yourself that connection?

Laurel: Yeah,

Daniel: just

Laurel: don't

Nichole: do

Daniel: it.

Laurel: yeah, yeah. If you're open to exploring chemistry that is being, that is being open to more than just friends.

Yeah. So there's a lot of like double speak happening that I think is an attempt of the partner to sort of assure our stu, but also leave the door open so that they aren't technically lying if things go a different way.

Daniel: I feel like there's some disconnected energy going in both directions that I'm sensing in this too. Like the presumption that he's going to do this thing and saying to him, well, when this goes sideways, I'm not gonna be here for you. It's very assumptive about what the situation is gonna be. What's our piece of advice? All the time. All the time. Talk to talk, talk to each other. Talk to each other. Seems like they are, what, what is not being said?

Nichole: I think some fears are not being expressed.

Daniel: Fears on the part of our Stewart.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah.

Daniel: , If I was , our Stewart, what I would want expressed to me from my stu once removed is some details also about what Mango Lady wants, what does she want,

Laurel: what does Mono lady want? I'm trying to think about this because I have had a partner who dated a lot of monogamous people and it was annoying.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: and Like, I would never set up like a boundary or a rule or whatever that they couldn't date monogamous people. Like, that's none of my business But also there's something about like their character and like commitment to polyamory.

Mm-hmm.

Multiple: Yeah.

Daniel: We're talking about hater of dogs.

Laurel: Hater of dogs. Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah. what I think is present in that dynamic with hater of dogs and might also be present in this dynamic is that, you didn't have a lot of visibility into what his little mini um, relationships with monogamous women were.

Like, all you could trust is what he told you.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: And you didn't like meet or hang out with a lot of them, you know? Correct. Yeah. what she says that like he prefers parallel.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Makes me wonder if that is also going on because what the problem with er of dogs, right, is you couldn't necessarily trust that he wasn't saying to his monos girlfriends like that he was open to monogamy.

Laurel (2): Yeah.

He continually through all of these other examples that were unrelated to like a mono poly dating situation,

Laurel: it was always this broader issue of you don't communicate consistent values. So I don't really know what your personal values are. You're a people pleaser. Yes.

I think for me it was actually more of a like an empathetic frustration for what I perceive these women might be going through of, of thinking that, like, well, yeah, he sees Polly right now, but like, if I just stick out this Polly phase, like we'll have a capital r monogamous relationship with it and, like, I can tell when somebody wants more or something different from me than I'm able to offer them.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I didn't trust that he had that capacity.

And so that's what I'm wondering for the Stu, it sounds just like a broader. Trust issue.

Nichole: I mean, we're missing a lot of context here. Right. Um, and if this were polyamory Reddit, we would say break up with the guys. Yeah. You know, but he's evil. But at the end of the day. Like, it sounds like the stu has worked a lot through with the stu once removed.

Yeah. Right.

Daniel: Sounds like they've been through shit that's a lot harder than the shit that they're going through right now.

Yes, potentially. Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, in my past relationships when I was dating commitment phobic Craig and he kept dating monogamous people. Mm-hmm. It's like, okay, well I gotta bounce 'cause like I'm not gonna tell you not to do that. Yeah.

But. It is like impacting our relationship because I'm apparently the only person you can talk to about your relationships. Mm. Yeah. And that was annoying as fuck. Yeah.

Laurel: I do think it's fair to set up a boundary of like, I don't wanna hear you complain about these relationships, or I don't, like, I can't talk through this with you.

Like, I think that's okay. Like doing it preemptively I, I think it depends on how stupid, like framed it.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: , Could sound a little mean. I guess

Daniel: a little condescending too. Like kind of like

Laurel: I mean, like, Daniel's thrown a lot of flack out there, but like you have given me a lot of shit for the people I have dated and the patterns that I have fallen into. Yeah.

Yeah. And I can do that. But you can't. You can, and this Stu can't do that either. She can

Nichole: have I ever said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Stu just looked at me like I was the camera from the office. Like it was like just I look like, what

Daniel: have I ever been like, Laurel, if you date one more,

or I won't talk to you about them anymore.

Laurel: no, like the expression is different. Like you have been like, oh, I'm worried this is gonna be another X, y, Z situation. Yeah. , there is a more like implicit like warning kind of, you've had a tendency to do this and this has happened and then I feel this way

Daniel: oh, you mean I'm communicating really clearly about my emotions

Nichole: let me

Laurel: finish. Okay. You son of a bitch. No, but the, there's some kind of witchy agreement that happens there,

It's like what happens if I do make that mistake again?

Daniel: I am gonna be there for you. I am aware of the mistakes that you tend to make. And part of me like making a commitment to be with you is Yeah, but

Laurel: it's not like I'm gonna be there through there for you in a completely frictionless way. No, and yeah, and that's what they're talking about here too, is like, I sense this bullshit coming on.

I don't want to hear about this bullshit. and like if it comes up, there will be friction.

Nichole: I think this gets into. The space of like, what to share, what not to share. I don't think that there's a hard and fast rule, but there is something with like sharing your experience or sharing like your observations and like wanting to implicitly like influence you.

Laurel: Yeah. , that's the hard part. That takes a lot of like self-awareness and, , security in being able to acknowledge when you are hoping that your feelings Yes. Will influence somebody else, but acknowledging that they don't have to.

Multiple: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: And that it's not the other person's responsibility to like. Acquiesce to the vibes you're putting out. Mm-hmm. ,

Daniel: my mother always called it staying on your side of the net, which my mother never does emotionally,

but it is a metaphor, which I go back to a lot. Like when you are, . Playing the game of tennis, which is cheating, by the way. But when you're playing emotional tennis with somebody, , in order for it to be a coherent exchange mm-hmm. You can't jump onto the other side of the net and hit the ball for them.

Yeah. Back to you. You have to because you won't be able to catch it. Yes.

Nichole: I just saw Marty Supreme Table Tennis.

Laurel: like what are the broader trust issues mm-hmm. At large here that maybe you need to sort out, Your partner dating monogamous people probably wouldn't bother you as much if all of those other trust issues

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Are resolved. And then it can just be a funny, annoying thing. I love funny, annoying things.

Daniel: I guess what I'm saying is like there's a lot of funny, annoying things that I think that we all accept. Yeah. About each other. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Even some funny, annoying things which are for each of us, like unhealthy patterns that we all go through and we're like, oh look, there goes Daniel again.

I just wanna say, since I've been on an SSRI. Have I dated a younger curvy, non-binary with a pixie cut? No,

Nichole: I think this is from our first episode you were talking about type and we were all in Vegas together and Laurel and I were both like, oh, curvy, pixie cut and or shave head non-binary, like the opposite of either of us is your type.

So true. That's funny.

No, I think the important part of that was that they were all younger. They were all in their twenties. Yeah, this is true. And they had debilitating mental health issues.

Daniel: Yes. Now I only date people that are closer to my age who have debilitating mental health issues.

Yes,

Laurel: yes. Yeah. Who are medicated for their mental health issues. Yeah.

Nichole: What's

Daniel: next? Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, I dunno. Um, what is next? What is next? Um, what is, I can't believe Nicole is doing this. She's on antidepressants and she's got Schrodinger's cancer. Fucking, the brakes. The brakes are off the fixie. She's, she's,

Nichole: look at me. I'm fun.

All right. But really, what is next?

Daniel: I've got a unicorn hunter. Hunter's.

Laurel: Oh shit. Really? I went back to field for this one. Okay. Okay. I feel like I was starting to get a little bit bored with swinger lifestyle. Yeah.

Daniel: it's like they're all terrible, but they're often terrible in a really similar way.

Yeah, yeah. Totally. Where you go to field and you have to sift through a lot more to get like a really, really bad good one. Mm-hmm. But that bad good one is just a unique little jewel Yeah, I think

Laurel: it's a good, bad one.

Daniel: Thank you.

Laurel: You're welcome.

Daniel: Alright. hi.

I am a happily married man looking to explore and expand my sexual connections. I myself am bi curious, looking for a dominant and hung man to be with while my wife plays as well.

My wife is looking to put together a group of big black men to run a train on me.

Okay. This is the first of many really fascinating wrinkles.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: In this, in this profile. You guys, are you ready for some fast curves? Wait,

Laurel: I'm gonna assume this person is white.

Daniel: Yes, they are. Okay. Yeah, of course.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: However, the partner is Asian, so she is looking to get a group of big black men to run a train on her white partner.

Okay? But the racial must get more confusing and more uncomfortable. Oh. ' cause he continues. I am looking for a tall and strong white man with a huge cock to be a bull in a couple old situation. Okay. Okay. My wife and I also want to meet couples who we can have fun with in and out of the bedroom. Great. With conversation and have mutual interest. My passion is making people feel good, which makes me feel good.

My wife and I only play together. We are not looking for any relationships, just fun, respectful experiences.

Nichole: What is she doing when he's getting railed? Watching.

Daniel: Does she have a cuck chair? Do they have two cuck chairs? Do they share, do they trade off in a cuck chair? Oh yeah. A his and hers cuck chair situation.

Laurel: Aw. They're like embroidered with Mr and Mrs.

Daniel: Yeah. I mean, I guess you couldn't have a cuck loveseat because you then both be in the cuck chair share. Okay. What are our thoughts about this incredibly confusing red string racial problematic diagram that's going on?

Nichole: I mean, it's reducing people to their skin color and their cock eyes. Yes. Which is always a problem. Yes.

Daniel: she wants a group of black men, a group specifically.

Laurel: Right.

I am so disconnected. I'm so disconnected from racial ization. Oh my God. That I just like cannot understand these people.

Daniel: you don't see color.

Laurel (2): I don't see color. I just like, I really don't fucking understand it. I was listening to this other pod, which I think is great.

If books could kill. But they make a joke at the end of one of the episodes where one of the hosts like wokes themselves back into being homophobic.

And I'm like, I'm like, can I woke myself into being okay with this racism? Where it's like, If This is your sexual proclivity, wouldn't you stop and think like, wow, I have a lot of shit to unpack.

Laurel: I think about that in terms of like other kinks, like especially like BDSM. Kind of stuff or people are, oh, you just have daddy issues or mommy issues. You have to like unpack your relationship. But like that's what people are doing with the act of BDSM is unpacking

Daniel: Okay. So is what are you, what you're hoping for Laurel is for this person to be like. I have a lot of inherited racism. Yeah. That, that the, the system has, and I just need to work it out through, through a group of, a group of hung black men in order to just fuck the racism outta me.

Oh my God. Is that what you want, Laurel? That is what I want. Oh my God. Wow. Alright. Are, are y'all ready for her profile? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Fine. Okay.

We are married couple new to the lifestyle. We are looking for a sexy, confident woman to play with us both.

Laurel: Oh my god.

Daniel: We love curves, but all women are beautiful and bisexual couples. We love having a fun night out on the town.

Let's go to a new place with good drinks, dancing and fun vibes. Maybe the vibes will take us home. Winky emoji. No.

Oh my God. Oh my God. So he represents this desire from her, which is not mentioned at all. At all. Does she know that he's bi? They must see each other's profiles.

Laurel: Yeah. Are they linked?

Daniel: Yes.

Laurel: Okay. That's how

Daniel: I found them both.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Daniel: Nicole is having an out of body experience now.

Nichole: I am, I am.

Because I don't understand, I've, I don't think I've ever seen two profiles more disconnected in mm-hmm. Their desires

Laurel: That's insane. Like my initial thought is like, oh, she's not ready to own this raunchy gay sex parade.

Daniel: are you ready for the final curve?

Laurel: What? Wait, what? Okay,

Daniel: Because Field has introduced a new feature.

is it? Double dislike. it is the hidden bio section. What, so now you can create a section

Laurel: uhhuh that is

Daniel: hidden and only revealed to those who match with you.

I was able to see that there is a hidden bio section. Oh, so you just know it exists. I know it exists, but you don't know what it says. It's the Schrodinger's cock.

Nichole: So that could be where she is expressing

Daniel: But if she's not showing up in my feed, she's not presenting to men,

Nichole: huh? Yeah. This is a real mystery,

Daniel: So my guess is that if we matched would open it up and she's talking to the partners, , the women uhhuh in these specifically hetero relationships and being like, are you partnered with eight black men?

Oh my God.

Nichole: Oh my God. Wow. Okay. Well, So in unicorn hunter hunters, we rate profiles based on three categories, self-aggrandizement, arbitrary rules, and would we unicorn self-aggrandizement?

Daniel: Not a whole lot.

Laurel: Yeah. They don't really talk about themselves, do they?

Daniel: Yeah. no, they don't talk about themselves at all. I, I don't know. Like a two.

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna say a three.

Daniel: how about arbitrary rules? Now, here's where I might like go weirdly high. like, even if it's not phrased as a rule, like. my wife is looking for a group of black men to run a train on me is so incredibly specific and dehumanizing and limiting people to a specific role in the scenario. Same with like a, a white man to cuckold.

Like in the spirit of rules, they are so potent that I'm going to actually rate kind of high on arbitrary rules.

Nichole: Did I imagine that he said, my wife wants eight black men? I

Daniel: added the, the number.

Nichole: Oh, because I definitely have. The number eight in my head and I was like, again,

Laurel: well, everyone knows that's the correct number to run a train.

Daniel: Yeah. That's what, sure. Yeah. Yeah. That's what that TV show is about. Eight is enough Uhhuh.

, I'm gonna give them a seven in arbitrary rules. I drank kava today and so my mouth is a little numb and I keep having trouble saying arbitrary.

Laurel: Arbitrary. Um, well our lucky number today is eight. So I'm gonna go with eight.

Daniel: Yeah, I'm

Laurel: gonna

Nichole: go with

Laurel: eight.

Daniel: Would we

Nichole: unicorn,

you're the only one who could possibly qualify for Oh, no, wait, no, no. Well,

Daniel: I, I am a black men.

A lot of people dunno this,

Nichole: I guess

Daniel: Laurel

Nichole: and I could, yeah. Could. I'm like, I

Daniel: her. Profile. Profile. Oh yeah. This is open to everybody. It is because who the, who the fuck knows , I guess I could bowl for him. I could be the, the hung white man. Yeah.

Fucking his wife. I would say no. Oh yeah. No, no.

Laurel: I was trying, like, I was just trying to make it interesting for myself and like, if I only saw her profile, would I be interested?

no.

Nichole: No, because I think circle it back, the main thrust of

of why these work as unicorn hunter hunters is that there's so fucking different. Yeah. Neither of them. I mean, like the first one is like wild and why would you type that out? The second one is boring. except that there is a hidden bio there is that we will

Daniel: never no ever know. It's a giant word. Art of a pineapple. Oh my God. God.

All right. Oh, you know what we should, uh, we should do before we, before we jet what? Before we jet, that's what we do. Stew's. We end an episode. Laurel has a whistle that she blows, and then everybody runs out of the room. I do have,

Nichole: deluxe box, mac and cheese waiting for me, so,

Laurel: fuck, I've been thinking about mac and cheese all day.

I have a special like spicy box of macaroni and cheese.

Daniel: Am I the only one without mac and cheese waiting for me in some form or another? Did you not

Laurel: bring your mac and cheese?

Daniel: Cheese

Laurel: does mac and cheese did not get the money.

Daniel: It's mac and cheese night. I brought, this is the one that, that I brought spaghetti to the orgy.

Laurel: I, I do like the idea of each of us, like three separate pots boiling on the stove top

Nichole: and we're all elbowing each other out the way. We're like, fuck you. Just like, but then we only have, we only have one co It's like, who? And I'm like,

Laurel: my, my macaroni is over cooking. Get your shit out of the colander.

What did you wanna do? we need things. We're needy, It's poly pyramid scheme time

that was on the level. Holy shit. Sean and I watched the Always Sunny episode where, uh, where Charlie's like, they have a, there's a leak in the wall that looks like the Mona Lisa, or not the Mona Lisa, sorry. The Virgin Mary. I confuse the two all the time Charlie just starts singing the song about Well, thank

Daniel: you. Thank you. That's, I, I should be flattered, right? Yeah. Because that sounds like a fucking work of art.

Laurel: Yeah, it's, it is really good. And that's what that out outbreak, just from my,

Daniel: so first I wanna apologize to Stu Nation, we've been really only speaking to the Apple Podcasts users in our requests for reviews and ratings because we're like.

Um, yeah. We're all like creative professionals and we only use Apple devices. I thought you couldn't write

Laurel: reviews on Spotify.

Daniel: You can't write reviews, but you can leave five star ratings. Oh, okay. And once in a while, some fucking wackadoodle moron shows up and gives us a less than five star rating.

Laurel: Oh, moron.

Daniel: And it brings our average down a little bit. Ugh. Rude. Obviously these are people who don't actually listen to the podcast.

Laurel: Yeah, obviously.

Daniel: or it is Xs of ours

Nichole: So doing the Spotify five star review is like so fucking easy you guys.

Laurel: Yeah, just get, just do it.

Nichole: You just go to the page that poly amateur is on. Scroll down to where you see the stars. Tap five stars.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. Please swarm it. Please don't let the terrorists win. We will not capitulate. Mission

Laurel: accomplished. We're done. Here.

Daniel: It is actually one of the few things that is easier than sleeping with me in Laurel if you are a Stu who is in Portland.

Nichole: I knew the second you said sleeping that you were not going to include me in that.

Daniel: Yeah, you were. You were a harder nut to crack.

Although you do send semi nudes to our stews to ew.

Nichole: Okay. Okay. Alright. Okay, cool. Oh, okay. Oh, I will send a semi nude. If a Stu can prove to me they're gonna give a five star rating.

They need to get four other people to give five star ratings. And then you send me screenshots of each of these five star ratings. I might send back a semi nude,

Daniel: just five. You sure you don't want eight?

Laurel: Yeah. Beautiful.