Laurel: Huggie. Boo Boo. Huggie. Huggy boo boo.

Daniel: Huggie. Huggy boo Booo. He's a cool dude. Huggie. Huggy, boo Booo. Hell, he's in a good mood.

Laurel: Huggie. Huggie, boo boo.

Nichole: What am I supposed to participate?

Daniel: He's a little woowoo. Who? He just made a dooo. Who? Hogie. Hoy. Boo Boo. Oh my God.

Laurel, just a moment ago was like, you know. Maybe I should bring this thing up at the beginning of the podcast, but I don't know if it'll make any sense.

Laurel: And instead I decided to do that.

Nichole: Okay. What do you wanna bring up?

Laurel: So I had a, I had a dream last night that had an idea in it for, for our, star Trek Las Vegas cosplay. Okay. cause I'm gonna be Mr. Ham one day there's a problem I've been trying to solve Mr. Ham has a horseshoe of hair. Mm. He's not just bald. Yeah. Remind

Nichole: me who Mr. Ham is.

Laurel: lakana. Troy's valet. Ah, yeah. Okay. I have searched for like horseshoe head bald cap thing. They all look really stupid. And I was like, oh, well I could, no. Yeah. But in my dream, what I did,

Daniel: oh no.

Laurel: Nicole might be more familiar with these. I actually have some that I had used to do space buns in my hair, but it's like the shape of an alligator mouth. Mm-hmm.

Daniel: I love this is the metaphor that you reach to. Yeah. You know, you know, like what we all in interact with every day

Laurel: or, okay. Imagine two slap bracelets, like two slap wrap bracelets.

and they're connected to each other, like an alligator mouth.

Nichole: I thought I knew what you were talking about. You still now? I don't know. You

Laurel: still do. And then you put your hair in the mouth of the alligator. Okay. Horizontally and you roll it up.

Daniel: Oh, you're gonna use your, you're gonna use your own hair.

Laurel: Yes. And you roll it up and people use 'em to like, make perfect buns and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about, but I just do that.

my hair can be the horseshoe hair, and this is what my dreams have revealed to me. This was in your dream? I had a fucking dream about this last night.

Daniel: Wow. Oh.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: This is like when somebody comes through with a big tech breakthrough, like in their dreams, and then they change the world.

Laurel: Has that ever happened?

Has that ever happened? I think when they're like, I had a dream. They mean it like metaphorically, like,

Daniel: oh shit. Yeah. I can't really decode metaphors.

Nichole: What's wrong? Oh, no. Just thinking about tech breakthroughs. like I've been so fucking good at like not looking at my phone. Mm-hmm. like reading a lot. And if I'm watching something, watching PBS. Then yesterday I got super mad at work and was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go on LinkedIn.

And now I'm fucking obsessed with LinkedIn, and now I'm just refreshing LinkedIn all the fucking time going, like, what new jobs are there? Who else can I connect with? it, it sucked me in Uhhuh. And then, it was like an epic relapse. I had three screens open at once.

This is

Daniel: exactly what I was thinking this finally made sense for me. Your relationship to other drugs that aren't alcohol. Yeah.

You have not been on Instagram. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's your, that's your alcohol. But now you just had like a little bit of green tea or something in the form of LinkedIn, and now you're like, I'm fucking slamming green teas all day.

Nichole: Yeah. I mean, I know that I'm an alcoholic and I like take things from zero to a hundred all the fucking time, but like, it's making me depressed again. Mm. And this was in, within 24 hours. I've just been sucked back in these platforms are designed for attention. Yeah. Yes. Right. It's an attention economy thing. And so they design it to grab your attention and keep your attention. And the longer that you are engaged, the better because you are the product that the platforms are selling to advertisers. Yes.

Daniel: They are manipulating your desire.

Nichole: They are.

Daniel: What other channels can we funnel your desire into? I just,

Nichole: I just need to delete everything. and like set aside specific times to engage with these platforms if I'm going to engage with them.

But I do, I do need a fucking new job. I need a new job. Yeah. I need a new job. Yeah.

Daniel: Let's make the podcast profitable.

Laurel: No, please Stewarts,

Daniel: please, but you, you won't make, let me make any social content about your cancer. So,

Nichole: that's so close to scamming people. That is so close to scamming people.

Laurel: what if we only scam maga?

Nichole: Okay. I don't care how you do it. Just do it. Just do it.

Laurel: The other day. I was thinking about, me being a pacifist in the sense like I just have like, not just like a moral objection to like, violence as a tool of control. But also I realized, and Nicole, you can let me know if this is like an inappropriate analogy. What?

Wait for it. Okay. Wait, is

Daniel: Nicole the one who

Laurel: No wait for it. I think that my relationship to like anti-violence and pacifism is similar to, an addict's relationship with sobriety where I have deep anger and urge to hurt people sometimes uhhuh. And so it is almost like religious, spiritual quest to abstain.

Nichole: Interesting,

Daniel: interesting.

Nichole: That is fascinating to me because you don't strike me as somebody who is like willing to hurt people.

Laurel: I'm not sure if I'm actually capable of it or not.

Daniel: Oh, I think you are.

Laurel: Remember when I tried to slap you and you were like, you're doing it wrong. Oh. Is this one of

Nichole: your bits?

Laurel: Is this one of your sex bits? I don't think it was even a sex be

Daniel: what? I was just giving Laurel a chance to like see how the other half lived. You know, like, well, like

Laurel: in the grocery store. What do you what? I, it was in my bedroom. Yes.

Nichole: Okay, so it was a sex be,

Laurel: I guess it is now.

Daniel: It was, it was, it was sex play.

it may have elicited chuckles, but not belly laughs.

Laurel: But we weren't like in the middle of sex while doing it.

Nichole: I mean, obviously there is a difference between physical violence and anger. Yes. Right. And just an, as an outside observer, I don't think that you'd be willing or able to physically hurt somebody, but I do understand the deep seated rage that is existing at this time right now.

Yeah. so I think. Yeah, you're probably having a kind of, addict reaction where if you describe anti-violence and pacifism as a spiritual journey, that is, to me, that is, that is akin to my addiction journey, for sure. Yeah.

Laurel: also welcome to Poly Amateur Hour. Oh yeah. Hi,

Nichole: I'm

Daniel: Daniel.

Laurel: I'm Nicole. And I'm Laurel, and I'm angry.

Daniel: And to bring this all back to the central like topic and conceit of this podcast hockey smut.

Laurel: Mm-hmm. Yes. Right, right, right, right, right, right. And this is a, this is a podcast

Daniel: about hockey smut. I think that we are actually responsible. For the surge in hockey smut this is making me feel like a little bit schizophrenic, like my thoughts are affecting the world somehow.

Where as soon as I start talking about

Laurel: hockey smut, like they didn't even start production on heated rivalry until we started talking about hockey smut.

Daniel: but I need to come back to the author of Pucking Around Oh, we do. And her widely voiced opinions on, violence as a mode of revolution.

Laurel: Oh, yeah. What are I heard? What, what? Oh, what is her name?

Daniel: Emily

Laurel: Wrath.

Daniel: Emily Wrath,

Laurel: yeah.

Daniel: Oh, which is okay. Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna be clear, is like my spiritual journey is for me, Until you start your cult, until I start my cult. And then it's for all of us but I do think that, resistance needs to be manyfold. I see a lot of people online specifically in comment section. I know the worst, but are determined to convince people that their path forward is the only path forward. That violent resistance is the only answer or, litigious action is the only answer.

Laurel: Or pacifist resistance is the only answer.

Daniel: Hockey smut

Laurel: or hockey smut is the only answer. I mean Emily, RAF is probably more qualified to speak on this than I am, but I do think That there has to be a multitude of tactics.

Daniel: Yeah. I mean, I would love for the powers that are currently to like, feel pressure from all possible angles.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Right.

Nichole: Yeah. I'm still like not convinced that we're not creating reality because we started talking about hockey smut and, and then, and then in the journey of hockey smut, we discovered pucking around Alex Alberto already had a copy in their possession and then we, dig deeper and it turns out it's polyamory related.

And then Heated rivalry comes out and everybody is fucking obsessed with. I have my partner texting me like, when have you finished this? Have you finished this yet? I really wanna talk about it. And I'm just like, how did, did

Laurel: we do this?

Daniel: So does this bode well for a massive wave of civil disobedience because not only does it come back around to hockey smut, but it comes back around to, insurrection.

Nichole: This is, oh my god.

Daniel: And her name is wrath. That can't be a fucking coincidence.

Nichole: I we're so close to red stringing it. Laurel is telling her eyes are just getting wide and just like,

Laurel: what the fuck? We're just some people with a podcast, but we're pretty sure we're creating reality.

Oh my God. But we're not responsible for the current state of reality, just the part with the hockey smut. But we will be responsible for the good things that happen next.

Nichole: Oh boy. what are we doing first?

Laurel: I'm proposing a new segment. Mm. Which is our unsolicited opinions on hot poly takes. Interesting. And so I have

Nichole: Oh yeah.

We gotta name it. Okay.

Daniel: how about

that was not a question. because that's what Laurel said to me just a little while ago. In what context? She said, she said,

We should probably record now.

Laurel: I said, it's time to record now.

Daniel: And you and I said, probably

Laurel: no, you said probably. And you said

Nichole: that was not

Laurel: a

Nichole: question.

Yeah.

Daniel: And I was like, Jesus, apparently you're having trouble with your recovery from violence. Why so much harm? This,

Nichole: This is what you get for like, committing yourself to two like operations project managers. Yeah. It's like, yeah, the response, that was not a question.

I'm gonna steal that man. I like that. I'm gonna use that at work. That was not a question. And what I just said is a full sentence

and scene. Yeah, I'm gonna end calls with and scene instead of what I usually do now, which is goodnight and good luck.

Daniel: Yeah, that good night And good luck is dark in these dark times.

Nichole: Yes. Anyways. That wasn't a question actually. It's pretty good.

Laurel: Yeah.

I do like that. ' cause usually when people are given their like hot poly takes, they're like, this is truth.

For real. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Take us in. So, it's a thread of. Chirps Blue. What a blue sky things called,

Daniel: cloudlets.

Laurel: This is a cloud lit. Leanne AK Poly Thelia blog says, I have a theory that if you are a polyamorous person who grew up with siblings, how you respond to your partners, other partners. So your metamours is directly linked to how you were treated by your parents compared to your other siblings growing up.

Ho for example, if you feel like you have to compete with a metamor to win or be worthy of your shared partner's attention, it's likely that you have a family wound from a childhood rivalry where you often found yourself neglected or abandoned,

Nichole: I don't need to compete with my metamore.

Laurel: Yeah, do you? No, but I didn't. I didn't feel like I had to compete with my brother either.

Daniel: So what we should do is we should try and apply this to each of our own sibling situations.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And see if it holds true. I do wanna clarify. This is Leanne, friend of the pod and guest. You can go back and listen to her episode with us Laurel, okay. this is, uh, your show and tell. So you wanna go first?

Laurel: Yeah. Okay. So, describing my relationship with my metamours in general, I think usually really like my metamours. I don't feel a sense of like competition. I don't have a lot of jealousy. Mm-hmm. I often will take my Metamore side in a conflict involving our mutual partner. Yeah. That never happens to us. I was thinking like, you and I do that all the time, but I'm also like thinking of other situations

Daniel: but man, this does,

this does ring true. the closest that you two ever came to having a fight. When Nicole was like, being me, me, me, me, passive aggressive. That was cute. it was, it was, it was kind of cute. Uh, I didn't think so at the time.

But you even took her side in that you, like, you took, you took her, you took her side in the conflict against you in her saying shitty things to you and you were like, it's probably because of something you did, Daniel.

Nichole: I guess I wanna hear about your relationship with your brother and your parents.

Yeah. Because that's really the mapping feature that's happening here.

Daniel: project managers. Probably the mapping fe this is the mapping feature.

Laurel: Oh God, I hate myself. Come on. I don't, I don't think I ever felt in competition with my brother. He's older. I think that there were things that even I realized that I got away with as a kid.

Mm-hmm. I think one in part because I was younger and but also I was a much better student in school mm-hmm. Than he was. nothing to do with like our intelligence level.

I just was more of an eager beaver. And you cheated a lot. And I cheated a lot on everything that I did. Yeah. Starting from kindergarten through the end of time. Wow. You're, I'm still at it. I'm still cheating on all my tests. Wow. Real early

Daniel: plagiarist. AI rise is actually something that you realized out of your own mind.

Such a fucking little Oh my

Laurel: God. So, but I think like a lot of what my parents rode my brother about was like grades and school and stuff. And so I never had those issues. And so like, I didn't really get written about things.

Daniel: Now here's the question do you see the behavior that you exhibit with metas?

Was that something that you did with your brother?

Laurel: Like, did I take his side on things and did you two

Daniel: band together in resistance to your parents?

Laurel: I don't think there was a lot to have resistance to. there just wasn't a lot of rules or control a ton of conflict.

I think some of the big conflicts that I do remember was like my brother and I arguing about something and then, the classic line of either you two figure it out or I'm gonna figure it out for you and neither of you are gonna like the results. Mm-hmm. so that was a good threat.

Daniel: so maybe that did like, affect you, collaborating with your brother and.

Certain ways

Laurel: in cer. Yeah. I was like, you guys have to figure your shit out and stop annoying me with your bullshit. Yeah.

Daniel: and so that's why you go directly to the Metamours and complain about your partners to them now. Yeah,

Laurel: exactly. there was never a point in time where I didn't like my brother, I did, like when he moved out for college, like we found his journal, his old journals from when he was like a kid and was like, I hate Laurel.

She gets away with everything. Wow.

Nichole: So he hated you?

Laurel: So he hated me. you were, but I was blissfully unaware of this

Daniel: this all lines up. This is why we hide Nicole's journal from you.

Nichole: A reminder stewards that none of us have psychology degrees nor counseling degrees, but we know ourselves really fucking well.

So, and we've all been in therapy for like decades. This is true.

Daniel: And we're all very angry people.

Nichole: Very,

Daniel: very, very. I feel like of the three of us, I have the most chaotic and conflict filled family.

Mm-hmm. with my sister and my mother, like it was fucking dramatic.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: there was, there was some like, physical fights, which I, I won't go into too much detail about the bad ones because I don't want Child Protective Services to come and get my sister. I mean, she's like 50, three.

Laurel: CPS still shows up.

Daniel: But they had a lot of really intense conflict my sister took a lot of, like the air in any given room. Like she,

Laurel: oh my God, I'm already drawing parallels continue.

Daniel: so, yeah, she was almost always having a meltdown. so. Like siphoned a lot of the concern, right? Like all the crisis management Okay. Went to my sister and it wasn't like I was jealous about it. It was more like I was, scared and kind of either off on my own, trying to not hear the fighting or I was trying to like fucking find a way to mediate it

Laurel: mm-hmm.

Daniel: And like get it taken care of. Mm-hmm. Like I would try and be the middleman, or I was also the person that my mother went to when she was in distress about my. Sister, my mom, when she got really depressed, 'cause my sister moved out to go live with, her dad. my mom showed up in my, in my room with a brandy sniffer full of red wine and ice cubes

Nichole: I'm really curious how this maps to your.

Relationships with your metas. I really fucking hate that. I use that verb again. Maps circle back parking lot. This I really, I, let's put a pin in that. All right,

Daniel: go on. I think that I get really freaked out when it seems like my metas are in a constant state of crisis,

Laurel: mm-hmm.

Daniel: I think that Laurel, when you've had crisis partners mm-hmm. Crisis partner,

Laurel: not the partner you go to in a crisis.

Daniel: No.

Laurel: Okay. No,

Daniel: the, the

Laurel: partner creating

Daniel: the crisis partner de la crisis. it freaks me out. Like I get really anxious about it, in part because I think. You get anxious about it, but I am like, how can I problem solve this?

Nichole: I think it's a heightened reaction for you, right? Like, I think anybody has the propensity to have anxiety around a crisis partner. I just think it's pointed for you, but I'm curious about like, regular degular partners.

Like what?

Daniel: Like regular degular metas?

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: I don't know if much of it maps to my sister. Let's see. The,

Nichole: like, do you only have feelings about Meadows if they are crisis meadows?

Daniel: Well, I, I think it maps to somewhat how I, work with my partners.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: in that, like how I just described when my, mother is having conflicts with my sister, I am the sounding board.

I'm the one that a partner comes to talk to

Laurel: mm-hmm.

Daniel: In my relationships about the things that are going on with their meta. Like when you are distraught about a crisis partner, Laurel, I also set myself up as your,

Nichole: counselor.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Confi

what I was thinking initially.

'cause you, like, you describe your sister as like sucking the air out of the room.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: I see that a lot in the way that you've talked to me about, partners I've had that have been in Crisis mode or demanding a lot of like, attention from me because they are unwell in some way.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: and you like bringing up that like, similar dynamic of you never say they're sucking the air out of the room, but they are using up my resources.

Daniel: I just usually stop the sentence. It's sucking.

Laurel: They're sucking. I'm like, what? Who they didn't tell me I wanna watch. Yeah,

Nichole: I mean, but I think the main thrust of Leanne's Post is about, like jealousy is the main thing that comes up with metas, right? or feeling in competition. Like, do you ever feel in competition again with like a regular degular. Non-crisis meta.

Daniel: I'll let you know when someone gets one.

No.

Nichole: Hello. Har har har har.

Daniel: Yeah. of course, I feel jealousy sometimes with metas who are not crisis metas. Laurel has some non-crisis metas right now. They exist. but part of my, my jealousy that lingers even in those situations is like a hyper vigilance. what if they, what if they become crisis partners?

Interesting. Is there, is there a crisis on the horizon? Mm.

Nichole: Okay. So you're delaying joy. Yeah,

Daniel: I don't deserve it today.

Laurel: Maybe tomorrow, but probably not. Interesting. Okay.

Daniel: how about you?

Nichole: I mean, I was the first born, Mm-hmm. I'm a Capricorn. Mm-hmm. So immediately, out of the womb, perfect at everything. Um, my brother and I had a lot of health problems when we were growing up, um, when we were really, really little.

and so it was a lot of our parents having to take care of us. And then when I was a little bit older, my brother, had some, hearing issues that caused a speech impediment that he still has today. Mm. but that was like the thing in our house, right?

Is that like, well, we can't put Joe's head underwater because he has tubes in his ears. You know? That's like, what? Yeah. So he I'm trying to trace

Daniel: like, is this, is this like a Rain man story?

Nichole: No, it's just like, it's just like we had a pool and like when we would go swimming, like he couldn't put his head underwater.

or when he was bathing, he couldn't put his head underwater, because it would mess up the tubes in his ears. And then what's fucking durable is that when he got them removed, his doctor asked him like, do you wanna keep the tubes? And he said, why is there a tube fairy? So I grew up with a hilarious brother and I was also hilarious.

We were making each other like, you know, we were pretty close. I don't think we were ever in competition with each other. Mm-hmm. He was protective of me. I was protective of him. Not against our parents, but really like in the world.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: I don't know, like I'm, I'm just, I'm really, really lucky.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: and so as a, not as a result, but when it comes to my metas, I just simply do not feel in competition with my metas. Yeah.

Daniel: I've witnessed though in you not a kind of a conflict jealousy, but like a mournful jealousy sometimes where you feel jealousy and it like expresses as a, I am not, worthy. you love the other more than you love me.

And so I am going to be, for Lauren, yeah, for Lauren Gorn on Galo and

Nichole: Decor. I think that like

Daniel: You're welcome Cameron.

Nichole: I, 'cause I was trying to think like, yeah, I've definitely been jealous of metas and mostly because in those situations, one, I don't get to meet them. Two, I'm a secret.

Laurel: Mm. And I

Nichole: don't like that. and so there's so many. How long did your parents keep you a secret from your brother? How long was I kept in the disappointment room?

Up in the

Daniel: attic? Hidden away? Well, what what sounds really nice is that you know, really getting along with your brother and kind of being on equal footing. You were both in the disappointment room together.

Nichole: We entertained

Daniel: each other. Yeah. We

Nichole: had so many bands growing up, like yeah, just came up with so much shit

Daniel: and people would come over, like guests and they would here are the music from the attic.

And they would be like, wow, is there, is this their stereo on up there? And they'd be your, your parents would be like, yeah, we like to just leave it on for ambiance. And they're like, when are you gonna have kids? And they're like, oh, you know, just when we're ready.

Laurel: I was thinking about how, the idea of like competing for your parents' attention. and I realized I think I knew from a very early age, like my brother and I are very different.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. and it was very clear that there were certain things that, both my parents, but my mom specifically really enjoyed about my brother that I didn't offer. Mm-hmm. But I also knew that there was the reverse of that. Like, I also knew that my mom enjoyed me. Mm-hmm. and I feel like that does map out to like, the way that I often think and feel about my metas.

they're often like very different from me. In explicit ways. but it's like easy to see like, oh yeah, you can enjoy that. And I don't necessarily offer that, but I know that you still enjoy me.

Nichole: Yes,

I wonder if my reactions to metas, if I have a reaction to a meta doesn't necessarily come from my relationship. Like I think what Leanne is saying is that it might be an aspect of your responses to Metas, right?

Yeah. And how you interact with Metas. Because I think my reactions, if I have one. Is more based on, being told in like high school and college that I was just too complicated. Hmm. I was too much. I was like, I was too, not that I had too many complex feelings, but I was just, I, you know, I wasn't simple.

there were people out there who were looking for girls to just like, who could be simple. Yeah.

Daniel: I feel that's a little humble brag. 'cause you actually don't want somebody to call you simple. Like the alternative, too much is actually kind of cool. Like, you're like,

Laurel: no, I don't think so.

You don't think so? especially for women. being too much is like, you're like emotional high maintenance.

Daniel: Oh, see, I guess I have a type.

Nichole: I just think that like when you're growing up, and you are growing up in straight culture and you're attracted to men as a woman, the propensity is to default into like being a cardboard cutout and just like, like overextending to make that man happy to keep them around.

Not saying that's the experience for everybody, but that was absolutely an experience for me. And so even trying to make myself smaller in order to appease a man and keep him around and that not even working. that's when. when I get some trigger of some, some jealousy, I automatically think like, that other person must be easier to be around.

Mm. They're not as depressed as I am. They're not an alcoholic, they're not an addict. They're not working a dumb corporate job where they're stressed all the time. Mm-hmm. they're just not as complicated. They don't come from like a traumatic like background, yeah.

Daniel: Wow. This is, uh, this is unlocking some shit for me too.

Really? Because I'm like. I was never one of those boys that you were describing in your high school, I'm going back, I'm going, I'm time traveling through all the fucking people that I've dated over the years, and we've joked about how, I don't really have a type except a, occasionally a curvy, non-binary, pixie cut.

Pixie

Nichole: cut. Yeah. That was a run about six to eight months. Yeah. It was exclusively dating people like that. Well, Laurel and I are over here. I'm like, what else?

Daniel: But if I have anything that unifies anybody that I'm interested in, it is not easy. And I don't mean easy as an, I mean, I like them easy in the sexual sense.

I mean, not like simple, like, I like complex, difficult stuff. And I'm like, now I'm mapping it. I'm mapping it back to my family. I'm like, I had like these incredibly. Complex women that I was surrounded with. Mm-hmm. As a kid, I have no interest in, Mooney, you know, like fucking Mooney Simpletons. I have no interest in your, in your blonde Mooney Simpletons.

Okay.

Nichole: So one, I think the perfect name of this segment is that wasn't a question because we're offering so many fucking opinions and we talked for so long about this two. Absolutely. Daniel. So, okay. Stewarts Daniel and I regularly watch Ugliest House in America, right. Hosted by rta. she goes into her ugly houses most of the times.

We're like, don't change a thing. Do not change a thing. there is a sister show called Scariest House in America. Loretta goes and tours. Scary houses. Houses whose residents are like, it's definitely haunted. Mm. Like, or it's fucking weird over here, like, you know, whatever. Daniel every time,

almost every female presenting owner of one of these properties, he's like, she's hot. I don't know what it is. It's just like she's, there's just somebody who would live in a house like this. It's just automatically hot . He has never once said that about a person who owns one of the ugliest houses in America.

But these people who are like, I'm definitely gonna live in a haunted house and I love living in a haunted house. He is all fucking about

Daniel: it. You gotta, you gotta understand there's a certain like muted smoldering sexuality about all of these women and the men. 'cause a lot of them are gay.

Oh

Nichole: yes, that's true. Yes. Male couples.

Daniel: It's not just the fems.

Nichole: that's true.

Daniel: It would just be like this, this kind of smoldering quiet, like intense sexuality, and it's like, would you like to see my doll room?

they're just so into their scary houses. This is the canal where the blood would drain.

Laurel: Daniel would marry in an ax murderer.

Daniel: It's not even an, oops.

Laurel: I, Daniel met them by sending them fan mail after watching an episode of Scariest Homes in America. Oh my

Nichole: God. I feel like we have discovered so much about ourselves today. We have and each other. Yeah. We've really unpacked a lot about our, we've unpacked a lot. We've parking lot in some other things.

We're gonna circle back to the agenda. What's next?

Daniel: you know, I'm getting kind of hungry.

Laurel: Yeah. You need a little, a little bite of something. Yeah.

Daniel: I'm thinking can it be open faced and dirty?

Laurel: Ooh. Oh my God.

Let's have a DM. Sliders. DM sliders is the segment where we open up male, male, meaning anything that has a penis

Daniel: repeal back the foreskin. Ah, open the penis. Stop

Nichole: you opens the pian. No, doctor, Dr. Ruth never said that.

Daniel: Is the Dr. Ruth saw movie? Oh God. Let's start. With a couple of little, hor d'oeuvres.

And let's look at some nice shit that people said about us.

Nichole: Oh, all right.

Daniel: Yeah. Oh, holy shit.

What, what? There's a brand new one too.

Laurel: Oh, that's exciting.

Daniel: I'm going to read a review without any knowledge where this, about. What it says is this. It could

Laurel: say anything.

Daniel: It could say anything. It

Laurel: could say bad thing, say bad

Daniel: things. It's a five star review.

Nichole: Okay.

It's

Daniel: a five star review on the Apple Podcasts.

Nichole: They're like, I accidentally gave this podcast five stars. I don't know how to

Laurel: undo

Nichole: it,

Laurel: so I listened to it. Apple, please help me. I listened to it. It fucking sucks.

Daniel: This is, uh, on Apple Podcasts. It is from Prince of Candlesticks.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: They say Love these three.

I heard about this podcast while listening to my favorite Star Trek podcast.

Laurel: Yeah. Duh. Yes.

Daniel: Coincidentally, my wife and I just started exploring polyamory. Is it a coincidence

Laurel: or did we manifest it? Oh, God.

Daniel: So I thought I would check it out. I'm hooked. I love these three. I have learned so much from listening to them, and they are so funny and entertaining. This show quickly became one of my weekly podcast listens.

Even if you are not Polly, they're a good Listen. What, what?

Laurel: We're in a simulation.

Nichole: I'm shocked.

Laurel: I can't believe people learn things from us.

Nichole: Yeah. Continue. Sorry.

Daniel: I mean, they don't, but by the end they forget it all. we are the, the comforting embrace of amnesia. Mm. Uh, at the end we put a lot of thoughts in, we take a lot of thoughts out.

If you put a thought in, you gotta take a thought out continuing check them out. Yeah.

Laurel: And,

Daniel: and I hope, I think that they mean this sexually. If you are an FOD. Well, then you will probably love their personality. Kinky, nerdy and fun. Aw, aw. I, that sentence is interesting because it's like personality, comma, kinky comma, nerdy, comma and fun.

Mm-hmm.

Nichole: They'll

Daniel: like our, our personality.

Nichole: They will like our kinky are like

Daniel: our kinky and our nerdy and our fun.

Laurel: And they'll really love how we analyze your grammar in

Nichole: the reviews you leave. Amazing. Thank you Prince of candlesticks. Yeah.

Daniel: We honor your aristocratic title.

I'm gonna insert the little, star Trek whistle. For that.

Laurel: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not the Reskin flute song,

Daniel: which is a Star Trek whistle, technically.

Laurel: Okay.

Daniel: Next up, this is another five star review from Apple Podcasts. Look, if you leave one, we might read it. Ah, this one is from Cool Loser. N Mm.

Okay. I'm Titled Earnest Giggles.

Nichole: Aw. Is that one of the earnest sequels? I, I thought we were just gonna add it

Daniel: to our, like, catalog of names for drag kings.

Oh, Ernest gig. That is a good one. That's a good one,

Nichole: yeah.

Daniel: Earnest Giggles is like locked in a battle with perimenopause. Oh, yeah, yeah,

Laurel: yeah.

Daniel: Okay. Very silly and giggly, though, surprisingly. Maybe not that surprising. Earnest.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Great. If you'd like humor with your poly, but also want to support silly wrap beefs with big multi.

Laurel: Yes. Yes.

Daniel: Nice.

So, Stu Birds, if you write in, like, I think that you get to add to our lexicon not only with, uh, earnest giggles. Yep. Is now a drag king.

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: but I think that now we're now going to refer to

Laurel: Multi Emory as big multi. Yes.

Yes.

Nichole: Alright, cool. Thank you. Thank you Stewards

All right. What's next?

Daniel: we, we've got. A couple of very, very weird letters.

Nichole: Yeah, that's what I wanna hear. I wanna hear Oh, the weird ones. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Laurel: Thank you

Nichole: for the niceness.

Laurel: Thank you. Yeah, thank you so much. Do beds.

Daniel: having a podcast, even a, podcast, which people actively go out of their way not to listen to like ours.

People still like, think that we're popular. And so they write us propositions of business. Oh no. Like, like guests that they want to have on that podcast. Publicists do this. Publicists are like, I represent this person. Please have them on. And we have been sent a couple of really odd propositions.

Laurel: Okay. Okay. Like press releases

Daniel: this one has sent at least three full length, press release, invites saying like, please let my man onto your podcast. My man. Is this what You're my client?

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: so the title of this email is Podcast Guest

Laurel: Uhhuh,

Daniel: the vibrant and vibrating World of blush worthy Wearables, penetrating the Wellness Marketplace with Dr.

Elliot Justin. So this is a medical cocking.

Laurel: What he wants to talk about and promote his medical. Cochran, what does it do?

Daniel: he is an acclaimed expert in the rapidly evolving sex tech and wearables industry with a unique focus on the intersection of sexual and cardiac health. Obviously, they have been listening to our podcast and they know how much we are like really into fucking cardiac health.

Laurel: I don't know if this is true at all, but I have heard in the ether that it's like, not just that sex is a good workout, but because your heart rate raises so much during orgasm, that that is good. heart health. So is this just keeping you in a constant state of orgasm to work out your heart?

Oh my God.

Daniel: Well, it maps all of this data from your Cochran to ai.

Laurel: God. So it's like a fitness watch for your cock.

Daniel: Yeah. Is it? So he uses a, he uses Map two as well. Nicole, you're in good company. Ah, map changes in your pelvic floor. Hey, I could use that. Innovations like firm tech's award-winning tech ring.

The first smart intimacy wearable of its kind, enhances pleasure while improving cardiac health. And he offers a few ideas for the questions that we could ask. Ooh.

Nichole: Okay.

what am I going to ask this person?

Daniel: Well, I would like to play, act.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: and I will ask the questions, to Laurel. And Laurel.

You're gonna pretend to be. Dr. Elliot, Justin md, CCEO, and founder of Firm Tech.

Laurel: Firm Tech. Nothing. I love more than a good role play. Alright. What is the state of sex tech today? Well, Daniel, that's a really interesting question. Sex tech is a burgeoning industry.

Daniel: You can say it's, it's growing quickly and throbbing.

Nichole: Is it engorged with opportunity? It's,

Laurel: it's half pitched.

Daniel: I need the investment from your pussy.

Laurel: Yeah. Well, here's a problem. Yeah. Here's a problem with sex tech these days is it's all designed for women.

nobody's asking, what about men?

Daniel: Also, nobody is asking ai. What about my dick?

Laurel: Yeah. Listen, I don't trust the heart monitor on my Apple watch. I need it to come straight from the source. My penis.

Nichole: Alright. would you, would you like to field the question, Nicole? no. 'cause I'm just, I'm just mad about this. I'm mad. I'm mad that this tech exists because, you know what I'm gonna say? I'm gonna like, okay. Yeah. He's scraping data to sell to advertisers. Like, that's, that's all it is. That's all it is.

Daniel: Okay. Doctor Elliot, but what are some other intimacy wearables that are shaping the market, and how can these devices potentially save lives? Oh, because. Laurel needs it that bad. She's gonna die if she doesn't get a good fucking, and so I need a Cochrane.

Laurel: Well, it's great 'cause like, how Nicole on your scans for your ovarian cyst, you incidentally found this potentially ca cancerous mass. Just like while you're fucking, you could find out that you have a heart murmur. Uhhuh,

Daniel: I wanted to do an alert. So you're, you're, you're fucking, and your cock ring determines if you are having a heart murmur. and it's like danger. Danger.

Laurel: Oh But

Nichole: it allows you to finish, right?

Laurel: Yeah. It'll tell you after. It waits for your, yeah. It waits for your heart rate to settle.

Daniel: No, it just starts constricting slowly.

Laurel: God.

Daniel: Alright. one more question. Now. I know a lot of our listeners are asking today. Mm-hmm. How do these devices gather and ensure the security of user data? Is that, is that the an, is that the answer?

Laurel: Stop being so paranoid.

Don't worry.

Your data is secured by a three factor authentication, so it doesn't just ping your phone number or email to make sure it's you accessing your data. Mm-hmm. It pings your penis. Two. And then we promise we will only give your data. To the people we sell it to.

And if there's an inevitable security breach. 'cause everybody, somebody wants to leak the information of all the people using ing. Heart tech firm. Tech firm, firm, firm, firm, tech firm, firm, firm tech.

Daniel: You don't even know the name of your fucking own company.

Laurel: It's, it's like a weird amalgamation of like

Daniel: firmware.

Laurel: Firmware and tech and yeah, erection.

Daniel: lemme get this straight. You are going to ask my penis about what you think it should do as far as the data, my penis, which historically has only ever answered yes to any question that's asked of it and is really only interested in leak.

Laurel: Oh God. Oh, that's how you know.

'cause isn't it a pain in the ass when you forget? You're like 8,000 super duper strong passwords for things though you're, this is a way to ensure that you always have access to the data you want

Nichole: because your passkey is attached to you. Yeah.

Daniel: This is how to always make sure that you have access to the daddy you want.

Nichole: Okay. Well we're not having him as a guest.

Daniel: I think that this is so fun. that we should make this, you know, it's born, it's like a little, little growth off of DM sliders.

A little, benign tumor, if you will. Oh my God.

Nichole: Okay. So what's the next one?

Daniel: Alright, well first we have to name this segment.

Nichole: Oh, this is a segment gonna segment. It's gonna a whole separate

Laurel: thing. Yeah.

Daniel: This is a, this is an episode with two all new segments.

Laurel: Oh my God. It's too

Nichole: bad. That wasn't a question. It was already taken.

you work

Daniel: in pr.

Nichole: I don't do the pr. maybe a pun on like Charlie Rose or like 60 Minutes.

Daniel: Between Two Pervs.

Nichole: Between two Pervs. That's it. That's it. Nice. Nice. All right, so welcome to between two Pervs. Guess who's between two pers?

Laurel: Oh my God.

Daniel: All right, next up. This is the most recent one that I received because again, we've received, I think, three different emails about this potential guest. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Genevieve Lejeune is empowering women to hike their skirts up and celebrate authentic identity.

So far sounds like it

Laurel: could be something that we're in Zoom. It's my authentic identity up my skirt. It's in the hiking of the skirt. Oh. Finally,

Daniel: I mean, your authentic identity is in the process of cantilevering. The crotch into someone's face. It

Laurel: would, it would be like you to assume that the most authentic part of me is the part that fucks you.

Daniel: What would Genevieve have to say about this? Well, well it's, thank you for asking Nicole. hi Nicole, Daniel and Laurel. Genevieve Lejeune, founder of Skirt Club, a private global members club for bisexual and bicurious women. Designed to create judgment-free space for self-exploration, connection, and empowerment.

Skirt Club hosts private events in major cities around the world and provides an online community where more than 26,000 women connect intellectually and intimately to explore their curiosity with confidence and to discretion. What, so it is like a downlow club for women. And I think, implicitly here, we're talking like cis women who are in straight relationships.

They don't say lesbian. They don't say, queer It is by or by curious with an emphasis on discretion.

Laurel: Whoa. This is so weird. This is, so it like has like Ashley Madison vibes to it. Yes. And it is also like this focus on skirts. Like why is it a skirt thing? Except to just be like, this is a high femme space.

It is exclusively

Daniel: high femme space.

Nichole: And all I can think about is that unicorn hunter, hunter profile that was all caps bisexual women only.

Daniel: Oh my god. Which maybe that was skirt club. That was,

Nichole: yeah.

Daniel: Reaching out. all right, In contemporary western culture, empowerment is publicly celebrated, but frequently punished in the shadows. What disconnection from Desire is a shared female experience? and opportunity for safe exploration and expression of those desires is remarkably Rare Skirt Club bridges that gap by offering women a vetted, respectful community where pleasure and personal development coexist.

Genevieve Lejeune is the first to curate luxurious global events where women can put their own desires first and gain confidence from the bedroom to to the

Laurel: boardroom.

The boardroom. Oh my God. Oh, this is so weird. God. What She's trying to put together like a weird bisexual, high femme cabal of world leaders.

this is some like lean in

Nichole: bullshit. It also feels like it could be like a LuLaRoe like pyramid scheme. Yes. Like the reason there's 26,000 members is because people are recruiting members.

Oh my

Laurel: God.

Nichole: They're

Laurel: selling

Nichole: something.

Daniel: It's like they watched, eyes Wide Shut and we're like, we need this just for girls.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Alright. Uh, would, would you like to field some questions?

Laurel: Yeah, sure. The

Daniel: suggested questions. All right. Why do women struggle to find environments where they can speak openly about desire without fear of judgment?

Laurel: Why? Because there's not enough girl boss spaces. Oh, tell me more.

Daniel: Genevieve.

Laurel: you know, there's plenty of boss spaces. But we all know that we can't talk freely in boss spaces 'cause we'll be looked down upon. So we need girl boss space. Welcome to Girl Boss Space. Hike up your skirt.

Come on in.

Daniel: Good, good. Alright.

Nichole: I can't even play act because like I'm so flummoxed by the question. the answer would be, uh, patriarchy.

Laurel (2): I mean, duh. But like, but why?

Cause we

haven't picked ourselves up by our own bootstraps.

I mean, sling back straps.

We need to carry Bradshaw. This,

Daniel: when did you realize there was a global demand for a community? When I was

Laurel: 11.

Next question.

Daniel: what shifts have you witnessed in how women relate to themselves when they are finally given room to explore?

Nichole: They definitely carry around more pocket mirrors.

Daniel: A lot of you don't know this, but we actually have a whole like exploration patio for women. It's fenced, don't worry. But we let them out there every once in a while too,

to s to smell the shrubberies. And by shrubberies I mean each other's vaginas. God,

Nichole: I feel like there's definitely some like sip and paint activities that they do. Ooh. Where they absolutely paint their own vaginas.

Laurel: Oh my God. Yeah. Which could be fun. Well, I think,

Daniel: are you proposing something? Is this a new segment?

Is this our third new segment of the day?

Nichole: I'm just saying this gal's got ideas.

Daniel: It's called fingered paint.

Laurel: Ah. Oh man. I'm pretty sure I knew someone in college who painted with their menes.

Nichole: Oh, for sure. We all knew that person. Genevieve was that person. Genevieve was

Laurel: that person.

Daniel: Anyway,

let's do one more or

Laurel: do you think that Genevieve listens to our podcast every day? Every single day. That's how she knows our names. That's how our publicist knows our names.

Daniel: How can women begin reconnecting? With parts of themselves, they may have suppressed for years.

Nichole: What did I just say? We talked about the pocket mirrors.

You weren't fucking listening.

Daniel: The combination of skirt club and pocket mirrors makes me think of like peewee Hermans, mirrors on the shoes where he would look up skirts.

Nichole: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Genevieve, go on.

Laurel: Well, I find that all women are really just a mirror of each other, and so the more you can learn and explore another woman is the more you're learning and discovering yourself.

Daniel: Does it help if they are in a power suit?

Nichole: Does it help? What I don't understand. This is making me feel so stupid. Like I'm not woman enough to join this bisexual cabal.

Laurel: That's the point. Become more woman.

Daniel: is it making you rethink your working girl fetish a little bit. because she's too, because

Nichole: I just can't,

Daniel: like, like this girl Boston world, this world of girl bom

Nichole: girl Boston is different than working girl.

Oh yeah. Tell me about 1000%. All

Daniel: right. Tell, tell me about it.

Nichole: Girl Boss is, absolutely just like deciding that, you know, things. Mm-hmm. and, shitting on other women to get to like Yeah. Where you're at. in the name of feminism, working Girl. Is going from the bottom, working really hard, executing on what you're learning, taking advantage of opportunity and having a mind for business and a bod for sin.

Daniel: I think I've, I've reached a wall in my exploration. I was just let loose in this garden, and now I'm just staring at the hedge.

Laurel: I'm just sick of having to wear a long skirt to work.

Daniel: It's a lot of work. Like to try and to try and hike that up. You're like hike, hike, hike, hike. You're like cinching it up like a sock.

Laurel: I wear my authenticity on my thighs and you can't see it if my skirt's too long.

Daniel: All right, Stewarts, you know, we started out with, uh, you know, a message about like standing up for what you believe in.

Laurel: And here we are

Daniel: in the female exploration garden pocket mirrors.

Laurel: Listen, yeah, save yourself the trouble. Get a pocket mirror and a Bumble account.

Nichole: That's good.