Nichole: Oh. This is a rare time when it's just you and I.

Daniel (2): Yeah. What do you wanna say about Laurel?

Nichole: that she's the most beautiful and sweet and kind and lovely person that I know.

Daniel: Mm. You poison pilled the podcast to make her really uncomfortable with the compliment when she listens to it.

Nichole: my best friend asked me how the wake for your father went this weekend,

Daniel: Uhhuh.

Nichole: all I said was Aunt Judy didn't bring the sandwiches,

Wow. She said, that's the most middle aged thing you've ever said. But I had prepared for the eventuality that Aunt Judy would not bring the sandwiches 'cause I knew Aunt Judy wasn't gonna bring the sandwiches.

Daniel: I prepared for the eventuality that Aunt Judy would bring like terrible sandwiches. Because this is my recollection of being a child, staying over at her house,

Nichole: Uhhuh

Daniel: and just being fed bologna, American cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise on white bread.

Nichole: what if she had actually brought that to a wake,

Laurel: but cut them into like the little tea sandwich, like in quarters, in the little triangular quarters without Crust.

I would've been down with that, honestly.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. A as soon as I said it, I was like, those are your sandwiches for Laurel.

Laurel: I would've been high in your backyard just eating little tea sandwiches.

Daniel: I think it would've been really cool if she had found like a, like a toast brand with my dad's face on it.

Oh, and then just put it, burn his face into every miniature sandwich.

Nichole: I just don't think Aunt Judy is that crafty,

Daniel: When I talked to her on the phone

Laurel: mm-hmm.

Daniel: The other day, one of the first things that she mentioned was

Laurel: our podcast.

Daniel: No, but she did say like, oh, are your spouses taking care of you?

It's just like little hints dropped to know that she is doing her share of online stalking, interesting. She was very, made certain to make it clear that it was very nice to meet both of us.

Laurel: It was so nice to meet both of you.

Nichole: She also.

Daniel: We say all these nice things that she's doing, like it's terrible.

Nichole: Well,

Daniel: and then she said, I want to include you,

Nichole: but she also, but she also turned to both Laurel and I, we were talking about children, grandchildren, Mrs. Nephew. Nephews. And she said to both of us, oh, and one day one of you'll be pregnant.

Daniel: And that's when you lean over and you say, over my barren womb.

Nichole: I did tell her, I was like, Laurel and I are like, in our forties, we're geriatric. That's not gonna happen. I didn't wanna tell her. Daniel's fixed like that Doesn't Daniel's fixed. That doesn't seem like appropriate Wake talk.

Daniel: Yes. Also positions me a little bit like I'm a dog. You your, your pet cosman.

Laurel: Ah, uh oh.

Nichole: Ah,

Laurel: someone at work wants me to do something. We're just gonna pretend we didn't get that message.

Nichole: I always do that. I mark it as like unread after I've read it. I'll deal with that later.

Daniel: I think this is gonna be the episode that's gonna get us in the most trouble. Your coworkers are gonna know that I don't like Aunt Judy's sandwiches. And Aunt Judy is gonna know that you're ignoring work messages.

Laurel: Oh God.

Nichole: Oh no.

Laurel: Welcome to Poly Amateur Hour.

Nichole: I'm Nicole.

Daniel: I'm Daniel.

Nichole: And I'm Laurel. so we got something. In the mail.

Daniel: Oh, that's right. This is our second piece of genuine physical mail through the, imminently endangered US Postal Service.

Nichole: So we're gonna open it for our, segment called DM sliders.

Daniel: DM sliders is the segment where we open mail

Nichole: or we read, emails that you've sent us, or nice reviews that you've left us

Daniel: or unto on the facade of our house

Nichole: unto

Daniel: Yeah. Do, do a graffiti.

Nichole: Oh, a graffo is just a singular graffiti.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: I never thought, I've never thought about the etymology of graffiti.

Daniel: it's like panini.

Nichole: A singular sandwich is a panino.

Daniel: Exactly.

Laurel: Yeah. You know what bitch studied abroad when they come into your fucking coffee shop and they're like,

Daniel: oh, let me have un graffiti.

Laurel: we supposed to open a package?

Daniel: Yeah,

Nichole: yeah. Do you wanna do the honors?

Laurel: Sure. Because I gave this stu my address.

I was like, I want something real bad.

do you guys get it?

Nichole: No. 'cause I can't see it.

Laurel: Oh, I can't see it yet.

Daniel: Is this the sensual art of sock sharing

Laurel: reference?

Whoa. No. I mean, could be, but make quick, make a pun.

Daniel: Octa

Laurel: Post. Oh, it's already on here. Oh my God.

Daniel: Holy shit. So Octopus.

Nichole: Octopus.

Laurel: It's octopuses.

Nichole: this is so cute. So these are socks, with octopuses on them, and then it has, it says, so octopus on

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: On the sock. Wow. That's a kind of deeper cut, what

Daniel: you say? Yeah. Did he find these is like, he found a brand called Octopus.

Nichole: We have a card. It might explain

Laurel: new card.

with love from Brighton, uk.

Daniel: Wow.

Nichole: Wow.

Laurel: dearest, amateurs.

Nichole: That's it.

Daniel: She can't read English.

Laurel: I can't. Well, it's in a British accent, so it's just foreign.

Dearest amateurs. During episode 70, you talked about seeing a sock focused burlesque act. Daniel described his heroic restraint and not shouting octopus mid performance. And Nicole lamented, Portland's lack of dedicated sock retailer called octopus.

Daniel: Wow. I'm not even gonna have to like find the clip to

Laurel: recap.

Yeah. To know that it's episode 70.

Daniel: although I'll play the memory music.

Laurel: Music behind it. Yeah. Oh, for

Nichole: sure.

Laurel: well, fret no longer Brighton , Britain's own freaky little Portland analog. has your cold toes covered? Please find ENC close a treat from our local octopus.

Stay weird and thanks for all the pod sign, Jack. The order. Muppet, Christina, the chaos. Muppet and Obon, the dog. Muppet.

Wait, there's a ps.

Nichole: Oh, ps.

Laurel: If you're ever over our way in seeking Jama Harron, we'd gladly help you set out your gons.

Nichole: Thank you.

Laurel: Oh my God. Amazing.

Nichole: Thank you so much, Jack. it makes me so happy that there is a store called Octopus

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: Nicole wasn't sleeping well, not knowing,

Nichole: there is a gap in the market. Why hasn't anybody done this? They have,

Laurel: There was just across the pond.

Daniel: Are these their like house socks?

Like the, uh, you know, like

Nichole: house Red?

Daniel: Yeah, because they're named after like the brand. These are like, they're foundational socks, or do they only make socks with octopuses on them in various poses and forms?

Laurel: I'm guessing they probably do have some that don't have octopuses on them, Because how far can you get?

Nichole: There's Eight limbs you can probably get pretty far.

Laurel: Yeah. But they're still all attached to one central.

Nichole: Yeah. But look at this card that we received from Jack. It has an octopus on a bandstand.

Boom. That's another sock.

Daniel: That's a, that's an, that's an ox star.

Nichole: Yeah. you know, you could have octopus in the kitchen.

Laurel: Ooh,

Nichole: Octa Chef Octopus fixing a car. I could go all day with the different things that an octopus could do with its eight limbs That's true. Okay. I'm sorry.

And now I'm mad at you, Laurel.

Laurel: No,

Daniel: Also Jack, Christina and Obon. I think this is a, a good moment for us to plug the fact that we are going to be at Star Trek Las Vegas in force this year.

Ooh.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Granted, we understand if you are tentative to come to our police state.

Laurel: Yeah,

Nichole: yeah.

Daniel: But I'm just saying all you fos out there who are also stewards or all you people who are fans of Open Pike Night, who found us that way, all you,

Laurel: all you people.

Daniel: All you people,

Laurel: uh, yeah.

You should email us at Poly Amateur hour@gmail.com so we can make plans to meet up,

Daniel: let's do it. Let's do it. I

Nichole: guess that was a little poly pyramid scheme.

Daniel: Oh. Does that mean that we are, uh, just gonna do a natural segue. We're just gonna kind of blend own for, we're gonna morph for Holly Pyramid game.

Laurel (2): Wow. You did that like a, vampire's face on Buffy. Good job.

Nichole: How much Buffy have you been watching recently?

Laurel: Uh, well it's Dan Mine and Daniel's new show. 'cause

Nichole: Did you finish Enterprise?

Laurel: Yes, we finished enterprise a while ago. Oh. So we started watching Buffy 'cause.

Nichole: Okay.

Laurel: We had too many other simultaneous tricks going.

You

Nichole: needed a truck break.

Laurel: But it was like we couldn't put on another trek that either of us weren't either currently watching with somebody else Uhhuh or hadn't super recently watched.

Nichole: This is the problem with polyamory.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Major drawback.

Daniel: This is why Star Trek needs to pump out more shows so that to sustain our relationships. Yeah. Otherwise it's like, what's our Star Trek? I don't even feel like I'm a part of this molecule.

Laurel: How could one even,

Nichole: Anyways.

Laurel: Anyways, I wanna make a general, call for stuff. Yeah. For people to write to us.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah. Because one more questions.

Daniel: We need more questions.

Laurel (2): Mores send us questions. our website is poly amateur hour.com You can send us screen caps of the worst unicorn hunters you've come across.

You can send us ideas for, is this poly? and you can also send us those kinds of things via email poly@gmail.com, or you can DM us on Instagram or Blue Sky. but yeah, or if you wanna come on the show for my own Poly Idaho, or, what's the segment where we makeover dating profiles that I totally forgot?

We do.

Nichole: you guys. I do. I feel bad about this. I want some bones to pick.

Laurel: Oh yeah.

Come on. And pick your bone.

Nichole: I'm starved for gossip.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.

Nichole: Um,

Laurel: because I certainly haven't been providing any lately.

Nichole: I mean, you have, but we, we can't talk about it

Daniel: yet.

did I, did I tell you that he blocked all of us on social media?

Nichole: No.

anyways. Maybe more on that stupid, it's later. Um, I want bones to pick. I definitely want questions. We will take audio files if you have Yes. Audio files of your questions or a story that you wanna tell us.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Fletcher voice be heard on our podcast.

Laurel: Yeah. Or if you have like a hot polly take that you don't want our opinion on, send it in, we'll give our opinion on it.

Anyway.

Daniel: It's,

Nichole: oh yeah.

Daniel: It's consensual non-consent.

Laurel: Yeah. I wanna do a little, uh, kinky CNC play. Ha.

Nichole: So please, please, please, please,

Laurel: yeah. Get in touch with us.

Nichole: Yeah,

Laurel: it's fun. No one to our face has ever said they didn't have a great time talking to us.

Daniel: They definitely didn't look like they were being held hostage in a video. This was so much fun.

Laurel: I will say, honestly, more often than not, our guests are prepared to talk to us much longer than we are able to talk to them.

Daniel: and most of them want to come back.

Nichole: Yeah,

Laurel: yeah,

Daniel: yeah.

Laurel: Most of them except the one that's blocked us at all. Social media.

Nichole: That person was not a guest on our podcast. Yeah. Do not go searching through the archives. Yeah. Not a guest. Not a guest. But you can go searching through the archives. Just maybe get some clues as to who it is. Ooh,

Laurel: ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you have an idea of who we're talking about right in.

Daniel: I don't think we've ever mentioned that person by name.

Laurel: Probably not. yeah. Also leave us reviews on your pod Catcher of Choice. Mainly Apple Podcasts. 'cause I think that's one of the few ones where you can actually write a written review.

Nichole: Yes. Leave five stars. and the review can be super short.

This time you can say, oh, that man is bad.

Daniel: Who are we talking about?

Laurel: Oh my God. I dunno. But I like it.

Daniel: The one we, the unnamed person that we blocked.

Nichole: I'm just giving the stuss. We

Laurel: didn't block anybody. They blocked

Nichole: us. They blocked us.

Daniel: please do not say that I am the only man on the podcast.

Nichole: Oh my God. You're right. Okay, don't stupids. Don't say that.

Okay.

Daniel: This time

Nichole: you can say. Ooh, that pie is good.

I'm just giving them something really short to say girl

Laurel: is like, what's the opposite of bad good? What's the opposite of man pie?

Nichole: Thank you. In advance.

Daniel: what's our first segment?

Nichole: I think poll in public invasion of pro privacy.

Daniel: pip iop, AKA poly and public invasion of provi.

Nichole: when we come across examples of polyamory in, in the wild.

Laurel: Yeah,

yeah,

Daniel: yeah.

It could be in person, it can be in media.

It can be in, in gr Vito.

Nichole: Yeah.

Okay, so first up on Poly and Public Invasion of Pro Privacy, we're gonna talk about a very short brief mention and

Laurel: flashback,

Nichole: visual, some polyamory.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Once again, In Star Trek. Star Fleet Academy. This is episode four. called Vox in Celso. And the A plot, is Jayden, who is the Klingon

Daniel: first gay Cling on

Nichole: First Gay Klingon wears a skirt. Mm-hmm. Sometimes.

Daniel: Yep.

first out gay Klingon.

Nichole: That's true. We don't know.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: so there is a big old ship of a bunch of Klingons that gets torpedoed. Mm-hmm. And everyone's like, oh my God, the Klingon race is, going extinct. And they're all looking at Jayden like. Oh my God, you're one of the last, even though he's, oh my God. God, this

Laurel: is so awkward.

Jayden.

Nichole: Jayden, and Jayden has to be in a, and you're

Laurel: gay. How are you gonna reproduce Jayden?

Daniel: I think in the year 3,100 or whatever

Laurel: they've Figured out. The MRT. Yeah,

Nichole: we'll be talking about it. I have some reproduction in a minute. what if there was just like a Valley girl character that just commented, like, she doesn't have any other purpose, but just go.

So if writers are listening, we love what you're doing about polyamory. It's hilarious and cute.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: And,

Laurel: and we need add a Valley girl.

Nichole: Consider

Daniel: Nicole de Nicole demands vocal fry representation.

Nichole: I need to see myself.

Okay. so basically it's a, it's a flashback episode of Jayden and his family he and his family are refugees on Creos. Yeah. he just briefly mentions he has two dads and a mom.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: And then his brother.

Daniel: Yep.

Nichole: In the course of the episode, only one of the dads has lines, and we only learn his name,

Daniel: which, which tells me that they really did their research about polyamory because when you have two male partners in a closed triad, it is traditional

Laurel: only one speaks.

Daniel: Only one speaks. Yeah.

Laurel: Is it only one speaks at a time or just only one speaks over the course of the relationship

Daniel: you trade off, like year upon year.

Laurel: Now it is your turn to speak.

Daniel: Pass the mic.

Nichole: Is it just that? The hinge needs, balance. Like she can't have two people speaking. She can't have two loud personalities.

Daniel: she can't have two men.

Nichole: Yeah. It's a lot to deal with.

Daniel: Yeah.

if I told you about my ai,

Laurel: what?

Daniel: Nothing.

Laurel: Oh, that's a man thing to say.

Daniel: you know, Tesla's really not that bad.

Laurel: Shut up.

Nichole: and that's really, it's just briefly mentioned and you see them in flashbacks as a family together.

but I do have a theory that there is somebody who is polyamorous in that writer's room, because this is two, this is two yeah. Mentions. Even though the first one was wildly incorrect as to what Apol Q is.

Daniel: It's back to back too. Like it's one episode after another. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Laurel: Somebody's out there.

Daniel: Are you listening?

Laurel: Are you going to Star Trek, Las Vegas?

Daniel: Can you see my, who gone?

Nichole: Will you consider a Valley Girl character?

Like totally.

Daniel: This song, not our strongest work.

Laurel: This is why you don't get help in the jingle box. FYI.

Nichole: Yeah. What, what do we, what?

Laurel: What am I chopped Lva.

Nichole: We can't do this.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: you don't want our help.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: I, I do, I get Laurel to rap all the time, and sometimes I get you to sing show tunes.

Laurel: Yes. But this is after you've written everything. Yeah.

You're like, stand in front of this microphone. Now repeat. Okay. But do it different.

Nichole: You know what? He is done with me.

Laurel: what shit did Daniel do

Nichole: when we're recording? When recording

Laurel: Uhhuh?

Nichole: He turns around so that he's not looking at me, or he'll leave the room.

Laurel: I think he started doing that because I made him leave me alone.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: I was like, you need to leave. Like I can't do this.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: So

Nichole: while you're looking at me,

Daniel: I would like do little dances previously I would be like,

Laurel: and you'd be like mouthing along.

Nichole: Oh, he mouths along with

Daniel: Jesus.

Nichole: Everything. Jesus. When he is playing a song for me that he has written it is playing on his computer.

He's mouthing the lyrics, playing

Laurel: a adorable,

Nichole: it's so cute. It's so cute.

What's next? What's the next pip iop.

Laurel (2): The next pip iop, excuse me, was sent to us by stuber via email. Woo. You guys should do that too. and it was a little science video.

I lost my notes for this one. ' cause I watched that video and I took notes on it.

'cause it's science But I'm gonna do science from memory.

Daniel: You can probably Google it.

Laurel: No, I'm gonna do science from Memory.

about how to make, how to make a baby with three parents.

Genetically not just like

Nichole: how to have a threesome,

Laurel: not just how to have threesome, not just like, two people have a baby and then the third person adopts it legally or whatever.

Daniel: not like you all just take a lot of LSD and have sex and create a, a fourth psychic being,

Nichole: Yeah. It wasn't that.

Laurel: It wasn't that.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: so There has been a child born, in the video, they estimated that there might be about 50 in the world. 50 50 children.

Daniel: 55. Oh

Laurel: yeah. Five. Oh. That genetically have three parents.

Daniel: Hmm.

and it's not just from trying really hard

Laurel: and it's not just from trying really hard, it's through laboratory intervention. and basically there is a process called, mitochondrial replacement technique. MRT

Daniel: You're doing so good.

Laurel: Thank you.

Daniel: No notes.

Laurel: what we typically think of as DNA nuclear DNA.

like, gives us our like physical traits that we would normally assume with like, you know, things being genetically passed down, like eye color, hair color, that kind of stuff. But you also have mitochondrial DNA, and you only inherit your maternal mitochondrial DNA, you don't inherit your paternal stuff.

It just like when a sperm fertilizes an egg, uh, the paternal mitochondria just die off because they're unreliable. I guess

Daniel: only, only one set of gene is allowed to talk.

Laurel: Yeah. if the egg person in this situation mm-hmm.

Daniel: Is this, are you just trying to non-gender it? The egg? I think that's worse.

Laurel: The egg person, So like whoever's contributing the egg to the situation, if they have bad mitochondrial DNA, they can pass on certain diseases to their children.

Daniel: Yeah. Mutated mitochondrial. DNA. No, DNA is morally bad, Unless it is like Trump.

Laurel: DNA Trump DNA is

Daniel: morally corrupt. DNA morally

Laurel: corrupt. Mm-hmm. Check out that guy's mitochondria. We can't,

Nichole: it

Laurel: dies off.

So they discovered this technique that you can use where, you're just taking, nuclear DNA from one egg, putting it into an egg that has healthy mitochondrial DNA in it, For those of you at home, Laurel has. Occult hand gestures for every stage of this, genetic process.

I drew pictures in my notes.

Daniel: Aww.

Nichole: Sorry. You don't have your notes.

Laurel: I think it's fucking wild that you could like take out the nucleus of a cell.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Inject it into a different cell.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Fertilize that, and then you put that egg into a uterus.

Nichole: I mean, the wonders of science.

Laurel: The wonders of science. Crazy.

Daniel: So this is, and this is not science fiction. again, approximately there are like 50 children of varying ages. Some as old as like nine or 10.

Nichole: Right.

Daniel: Walking around, crawling around,

Laurel (2): yeah. That have three genetic parents. What I thought was particularly interesting about this is, well, the video, she's a young woman in the video explaining all this to us, brought up alternative families.



Laurel: they were like, we're talking about this in terms of like, you know, basically preventative.

Disease therapies, but it could be an answer for alternative family structures.

Daniel: Yeah. Jesus Christ. they're never going to let us have that in the United States. Us,

Laurel: us particularly.

Daniel: Well, we're

Laurel: already blacklisted,

Daniel: yes. Polyamorous people, especially poly amateur hour.

Nichole: I mean, yeah. No, they'll never let us reproduce and we can't. Um,

Laurel: I looked at the comments on the video.

Nichole: Video. Oh.

Laurel: a lot of them are really cute.

Some people are like, oh, and then if you took, the nuclear DNA from one parent, the mitochondrial, DNA from the other parent. Sperm, DNA from the other parent and then put it in the uterus of a fourth person. then you have four parents. And then someone was like, well, yeah, but that kid's not gonna be genetically related to the uterus.

It came out of.

Daniel: who's doing the labor?

Laurel: it was cute that people were just trying to figure out how to add more parents into the mix.

Nichole: That is cute. there are only two ways that comments go.

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: I'm also realizing this can only really work if you have a triad of like two, a fab people and one amab person those organs.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Like you can't have two

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Fathers necessarily. Yeah. Because that mitochondrial DNA is gonna die

and they can't supply it in an egg. All right. I'm just,

Laurel: yeah.

Nichole: I'm following along.

Daniel: What's our cling on family going to do?

Laurel: I mean, maybe their D biology is different.

Nichole: They got two dicks.

Daniel: This is true.

Laurel: Ooh,

Daniel: Anyway, we've got about a thousand years to figure it out.

For the events of Star Fleet Academy,



Daniel: The next P eye op.

Has been sent to us by my partner, Nancy.

Nichole: Ooh.

Daniel: Nancy has said that she really likes it when she hears her name on the podcast. Aw. Yep.

Laurel: Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy.

Daniel: Nancy.

Laurel: Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy.

Daniel: Nancy. Nancy. Nancy.

Laurel: Nancy.

Daniel: So here we have a clip from the Jimmy Kimmel Show. in which Jacob a Lorde comes on the show to talk about his starring and Weathering Heights. Talks about how he was on the show previously and the guest host at that point,

Nichole: Julie Bowen.

Daniel: Julie Bowen, he said that he had a crush on her, so she came and kissed him on the cheek, and then we have Kimmel saying, oh, I kind of feel left out.

At which point Jacob Alote stands up and comes over and kisses Kimmel on the cheek. Then Kimmel says, and then goes on to explain the term molecule to Jacob, all Lorde.

Nichole: it's just funny 'cause he is like, I learned this yesterday. And I'm like, where have you been, Jimmy? Come on.

Daniel: But he was so excited about it that he wanted to work it into his, show Uhhuh the very next day. He's like, oh, I gotta talk about this.

Nichole: Okay. But also the idea that Jacob, a Lorde has not heard of the word poly. Cool. And he's like Gen Z megastar. Like there's no fucking way. There's no fucking way.

He's on the internet.

Laurel: He lives in an ivory tower.

you don't get the news way up there.

Daniel: He's very tall.

Nichole: He is very tall.

Daniel: Yeah. The blood doesn't go all the way to his head.

Nichole: You don't get the news way up there.

Laurel: Someone's gotta shout it to you.

Daniel: Now, personally, I thought that Jimmy Kimmel actually did a pretty good job of explaining it and then correcting Jacob ARDI's misunderstanding too. Like did a way better job than Star Trek.

Star Fleet Academy.

Laurel: Yes,

Daniel: yes. Yeah,

Laurel: And he could have just like, let the threesome joke roll and not bothered to correct it. But he did.

Nichole: I wonder if he has friends that are like, if he was at a dinner party and like friends of friends were like. This is my partner and this is my other partner.

We're a poly or like, whatever. Yeah. And maybe that's where he first heard it.

Laurel: Oh,

Daniel: this is my partner, Daryl. This is my other partner, Daryl.

Laurel: Maybe he was at Daniel's father's wake.

Nichole: It was a pleasure to meet both of you.

Daniel: I thought it was really kind of cute too. then they're like, we kind of wanna be in a poly. I mean, they're kind of making fun of it, but kind of like a lot of the ways that comedians make fun of polyamory and polyamorous is to shrink from it.

Comically.

Nichole: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Daniel: Or mock the way that we look or the way that we behave. sometimes accurately, sometimes grossly inaccurately. But this type of comedy about polyamory is actually like, it's flirting with their. Desire to maybe, who maybe actually try something like this out.

Laurel: It definitely sounds like someone who has at least respect for the idea.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Yes.

Laurel: Not just outright, disgust.

Nichole: How refreshing,

Laurel: how refreshing for us someone who thinks we're hooman.

Daniel: And this might actually also be the first. late night host using the term chue. Like I feel like we're seeing within this period of like a few weeks the term busting through in a lot of different contexts all of a sudden where it wasn't used before.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: so, three, cheers for Kimmel. We're glad that he was not canceled by Mickey Mouse.

Nichole: so what's next?

Daniel: Well, today I thought we would do only two big fat segments.

Nichole: All right, cool.

Daniel: And Our second big beautiful segment

is unicorn hunter, hunter's scattershot. Ooh.

Nichole: Did I come up with that name?

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Thank you.

Daniel: So unicorn hunter hunters is the segment where we look at unicorn hunters on the internet, their dating profiles unicorn hunters being couples who are looking for a third to dehumanize.

Mm-hmm. Generally it started with it being just a bisexual woman, but we have expanded it to include men as well.

Nichole: any gender really. But typically they're going to be looking for cisgender people.

Daniel: Yes, this is true. in unicorn hunter hunters. We rate them on three categories, arbitrary rules, self-aggrandizement, and would we unicorn for them. However, in unicorn hunter, hunter, scattershot, where we do multiple unicorn hunters in a row until you just can't handle anymore, we just fo gra unicorn hunters.

Oh

Nichole: god, on

Daniel: We just. Rate them as the most horrible, to the least horrible and the least horrible one. Theoretically, we actually have to unicorn for

Nichole: theoretically.

Daniel: Theoretically,

Laurel: theoretically.

Nichole: I mean, I won't, I'll be sleeping, but you guys have fun.

Daniel: So, Laurel, you're up first. What have you brought in?

Laurel: I've brought in, new Spelled NU

Nichole: Oh

Daniel: yeah. Like Nure

Laurel: Looking for potential respectful, patient, non-pushy, well hung men to live out fantasies for the first time. No cuckolding or humiliation. We've talked for years and role-played about the stag vixen lifestyle. We are both trimmed slash shaved and practice very clean hygiene and expect the same from whoever we take interest in,

Daniel: not just who they contact or mess around with.

Whoever they take interest in.

Laurel: Wow. Discretion is required.

Uhhuh description, her fit with an amazing body. She has an outgoing personality. Both him and her are very discreet, clean and d and d Free.

Nichole: What?

Daniel: They do not play roleplaying games and they want you to know it. It's drug and disease.

Nichole: Oh.

Daniel: Which is my favorite roleplaying game. Have you ever played? Drug and disease?

Nichole: Drug and disease is now. Wow. D and d.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: That is disgusting.

Laurel: Yeah. Fantasies and or real experiences. We have no real experiences

Nichole: at all,

Laurel: have talked about the stag vixen lifestyle for many years. Neither of us are into the cing humiliation genre.

Nichole: We know

Laurel: we are into the possibility of finding a respectful gentleman to assist in the pleasuring of the wife.

Daniel: assist in the pleasuring of the wife sponge.

Nichole: What

Daniel: scalpel?

Nichole: Oh my God.

Laurel: She likes the idea of being used by her husband and other men.

Husband likes the thought of watching his wife with other men, then joining in to pleasure her. He has no gay tendencies.

Nichole: Oh,

Laurel: not into men in any way.

Nichole: Okay.

Laurel: He wants to enjoy seeing his wife in complete ecstasy, looking over at him while he's watching her and touching himself until he joins in and reclaims What's his,

We are not into the whole talking down to the husband.

Nichole: I know

Laurel: that is not tolerated.

Nichole: Okay. God,

Laurel: that's a complete turnoff.

Nichole: Okay.

Laurel: For both him and her. Again, it's all about her pleasure. There will be no kissing between the wife and whomever we choose to invite in.

Nichole: What?

Laurel: This is not making love that's strictly between us.

Nichole: Whoa. So it's pretty woman rules.

Laurel: Yes. Yes. Exactly.

Additional comments and things to do, see, hear, or learn about notice.

Nichole: Oh my God. Are they, are they drafting a notice for us?

Daniel: Yeah. This is actually, this is another one of the things that I've, uh, seen in a lot of swinger lifestyle profiles, okay. Is that they put at the end this verbatim notice about their privacy. It's like, remember when everybody thought that when they posted something on Facebook that it somehow. Like affected their privacy settings or something and everybody was doing that.

It's like everybody did this on swinger lifestyle thinking that it would have some effect.

Nichole: You need to read it 'cause I have no idea what you're talking about.

Laurel: Notice to any institutions and or individual using this site and or any of its associated sites for studies or projects, you are hereby informed that you do not have permission or authority to use any content, information, pictures portrayed on this site in any way

Unauthorized use will be considered as a violation of privacy and subject to legal ramifications

Oh my god.

Daniel: some of them specifically call out the University of Sydney.

Nichole: What?

Laurel: What?

Daniel: As though there was some study that they were doing at some point.

Nichole: Oh, we have to get into that scandal. I'm gonna Google it later.

Laurel: Yeah. Find out what her first Yeah, yeah, you did On Swinger Lifestyle.

Nichole: Wow.

Daniel: Can we get into the study?

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: you're up next.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: Are you ready to read our next profile?

Nichole: I am.

Daniel: What did you bring in today, Nicole?

Nichole: Alright. Are you

Daniel: drunk?

Nichole: Oh God.

all right. Their username is Girl Wants Fucking,

Laurel: all right.

Daniel: Clarity

Nichole: it's, it's a surname, girl. V fucking, they're Swedish

Daniel: girl. V is a girl, V is the first name and fucking. The

Nichole: fucking,

Daniel: oh, it's all one name.

Nichole: It's all one

Daniel: name. It's all the last name. Yeah. Girdle's. Fucking

Nichole: baron girl's.

Fucking.

looking been in the lifestyle several years.

Experienced lots of everything.

looking for friends and sex partners. If you are under our age limit, don't contact will be blocked. No picks, deleted and blocked. Also no time for wanta BSLS players looking for free fast pussy won't happen.

If your distance is more than 60 miles, most likely won't work. And we won't do hall passes. Married or coupled up. Don't bother playing. The single guy won't do it. And block

Daniel: what? When. Some of it's in all caps.

I've realized that. You read it. You end up reading it in a Moira Rose voice.

Nichole: Oh my God. This is okay. Don't care. Okay. Don't care if your wife doesn't want to play anymore. Not our issue, it's yours.

If partner has medical issue and still likes playing, then bring them along to watch. We're fine with that.

Laurel: So

Daniel: you've just got,

Laurel: oh my God. Okay. So like if she broke her leg, like

it's fine if she just wants to come and watch, but,

Nichole: oh

my

Nichole: God.

Laurel: Okay.

Nichole: Description. We've been married 40 years and comfortable swapping with who we like most of the time, can arrange to meet. However, distances never work for either, especially if it's planned hookup for a single guy.

Daniel: I think you've, you've now graduated into robot.

Nichole: I know you

Daniel: started RA Rose,

Nichole: uh, fantasies and or real experiences. It's the, it's the same thing that they say in the first, in the looking for,

Daniel: oh, it's

Laurel: just the

Nichole: same. It's exactly the same. Copy

Laurel: paste.

Daniel: Yes. And are you going to read this entire paragraph?

Nichole: No.

Daniel: Fine.

the reason I gave you this one is 'cause I wanted you to just start reading that second paragraph and then figure out that you were just, and get mad that you were repeating the entire super long paragraph again.

No. And be like, wait, what did I,

Nichole: oh, and this one, they don't capitalize medical issue. They're

Daniel: more, wait, it's a, a discreet medical issue. Wait, if they have a. Medical issue.

Laurel: That's interesting. 'cause you think it would literally just be a copy paste,

Daniel: but they typed the whole

Laurel: thing out. But, but did they retype?

Nichole: everything is the same until medical issue.

Laurel: I feel like their, their emphasis is just on the wrong word every time.

Oh

Nichole: wait, they did type this out.

Laurel: They typed out the same thing again because.

Nichole: In the sentence no picks, deleted and blocked. Also no time for want to be SLS players. So Wanta is capital W-A-N-T-A-B is BEE. Oh, like a, like a, like a want to be is a type of bee.

Daniel: So,

Nichole: oh my God.

Daniel: Now this is just leading me to think more and more that this is some kind of conceptual art like that they just change tiny, almost unnoticeable things.

Oh my God. That only us with our deep, deep research and scrupulous attention to detail, only we will see.

Laurel: That's one way of framing psychosis.

Nichole: Wow. Okay. Been in the lifestyle several years. Experience lot of everything, like a hot wife fantasy. I can just watch her get seduced and taken.

That's it.

Daniel: this one is exclusively warnings. There is nothing

Laurel: Mm. Yeah.

Daniel: In this, except for the stating of the hot wife fantasy.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Every other element of this is a very firm warning containing some all caps.

Nichole: okay. If you are under age limit, don't contact will be blocked. Desired age 38 to 83, which is, you know, like a Palomino.

Daniel: Ooh. Am I up next?

Is it my turn?

Nichole: Yeah, your

Laurel: turn. What did you bring today?

Daniel: I have pumpkin. Aw.

Laurel: Aw.

Daniel: Oh, pumpkin.

Dave and I are a down to earth couple. Now the next line sounds like everyone else's profile. In our case, it's very true. We enjoy our friends together in or out of the bedroom. We would like to find a couple who enjoys eating out or staying home

Nichole: or staying home and eating out,

Daniel: but they don't even make a dirty joke there.

Oh, there's opportunities. Awesome.

Nichole: So close.

Daniel: We play in the same room. It pleases each of us to see our partners face when they are pleasuring or being pleasured.

Nichole: Aw.

Daniel: We have been married for 18 years and been together for 22. We had an Elvis wedding, which we have fun talking about.

Nichole: Oh, fuck yeah.

Daniel: We have a nice home with a large private yard in the summertime. We love to have company come over and play in our pool. It's huge. Wait a minute. What? Who's huge? LOL Swimsuits are always optional when the pool is open. Aw.

Dave is six two sparkling blue eyes, balding with a salt and pepper beard.

And his manhood is not a problem here.

Nichole: We

Laurel: didn't think it was. It was never Question your manhood, Dave.

Daniel: He is a very laid back man who enjoys having some good laughs and good sex.

Nichole: Sounds like someone I know.

Daniel: Who?

Nichole: I guess you're not laid back.

Daniel: No.

Jesus. God, take that back.

Laurel: Sorry. I got uptight about being called laid back.

Daniel: Shake that off. Although sex is a plus, enjoying a couple is just as important. He is. No, Ken and I am no Barbie by a long shot. However, we are easy on the eyes.

Nichole: I bet you're

Daniel: I have to start bringing up these swinger lifestyle motifs that are close to universal.

Like every second or third profile that I see uses the term. We are. No Ken and Barbie.

Laurel: Oh, really? Interesting.

Daniel: Like it's just shorthand that they are.

Laurel: That's so

Nichole: weird.

Laurel: I thought you were gonna say Easy On the Eyes. Was the

Daniel: that too?

Laurel: Oh,

Daniel: that is also one that is relatively universal.

Laurel: Huh? I wonder if there's like a secret meaning,

Daniel: I wonder if there's a special book.

Nichole: I wonder if there's guidelines for filling out your profile.

Laurel: You talk

Nichole: about how you're No, Ken Barbie.

Daniel: If you're not a Ken or a Barbie, tell them in advance

Laurel: Describe. Describe how you look. Do you look like Ken or Barbie?

Daniel: If you say that you look like Ken, please specify that your manhood is not a problem.

Or they may assume smooth genital mound.

Nichole: And don't forget, tell those fuckers at the University of City to fuck off.

Daniel: Marge.

Nichole: Marge.

Daniel: Marge, Marge, Marge, New York attitude who is outgoing, likes to laugh, play, tease. And is Multiorgasmic. Nuff said we are D, D, F and four 20 Friendly.

Nichole: D. DF,

Daniel: drug and disease free.

Nichole: Oh. Oh. So they use D, D, F. These other people use DDD

Daniel: free because let's face it, they were not literate.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: DDF is the more common.

Nichole: They're more common one. Okay.

Laurel: But they're not drug and disease free.

Daniel: They don't even consider four 20 like a human. It's not a real drug. Drug. Ah, come on.

Laurel: California. Sober.

Daniel: Get in the pool.

Laurel: They're just saying like, we don't do meth.

Nichole: Probably.

Daniel: Yeah. I think that that's important on this platform.

Laurel: Yeah. I guess you're

Daniel: probably right. Oh

Nichole: God.

Daniel: Fantasies and or real experiences.

been to Rooster a few times.

We met some couples there in the hot tub. And that led to a bedroom. Oh, we had fun. But those places aren't what we are looking for. Dave talking. I love watching other men with Marge, touching her, playing with her until she orgasms a few times. Then watch the other man take her. I love to watch her face as she reaches orgasm after orgasm.

Knowing that someone was just inside her excites me.

Nichole: Aw,

Daniel: Marge here.

Nichole: Ah,

Daniel: I wanna feel a man inside me while I am busy sucking on Dave's manhood. Looking up at him and his eyes glued to the man inside me is very erotic. We play nicely. No drama. Fun, fun, fun. And of course, sex capital s. More from Dave. Oh.

every now and then my wife will invite her friend over for some fun and frolic. I get to enjoy two women and have a very difficult time deciding which one I'm going to come inside. I know that my wife loves to have two men.

Please her in a soft and gentle way. Two men, four hands, two cocks an orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Get the picture. Yes.

Nichole: He's getting more and more of a southern twang as you go on. But I also love that they end their paragraphs with like, get the picture.

Daniel: Marge loves what she calls riding the Harley once on board. She likes to be in charge. When I'm at work, she'll send me a text saying, when you come home, I'm going to ask to ride you like a Harley on a bumpy road.

Very hard to concentrate after that. Aw,

Nicole thinks every part of this is so cute. I

Nichole: dunno why I,

Daniel: I thought it's cute too.

Nichole: It's really adorable. Yeah. It's just, again, it's one of those couples that it's like. It's obvious they're still in love with each other. Yeah.

Daniel: Now, back to Marge.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Daniel: We've been to a few house parties and found those to be more fun with the relaxed atmosphere. Many of the profiles we have read generally say the female is bi or bi. Curious. I really do not consider myself bi, although I have had a few experiences generally on the receiving end.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: I'll let you eat me out. Code. Code. I'll let you eat it. I will not eat it. A full swap works for us. Lunch, dinner, or just a couple drinks? Liquid courage if you need it. We don't judge. It's up for grabs if we play or not after meeting. Can't predict what will happen, but always open to almost anything.

Sometimes it's not so easy hosting. Marge and I take care of her older brother who is mentally challenged and easy to take care of. Marge doesn't want to confuse him with strange people coming out of our bedroom after hearing all sorts of noises. Oh no. Coming from behind closed doors. LOL?

Nichole: No. Oh, Marge and Dave kinda lost me there.

Daniel: Yeah. Why not just say you can't host?

Nichole: Just say you can't host.

Daniel: Just say you can't host.

Nichole: Very generous of you to take care of her older brother.

Daniel: Yes. Less generous of you to add an LOL at the end of the description.

Nichole: Maybe They think it means lots of love.

Laurel: I think it's like, it seems like an awkward laugh.

Nichole: I mean like this is another couple that I'm like, I would totally play Canasta with them in an afternoon. Just like,

Laurel: how are they hosting the naked pool parties with the brother?

Nichole: Oh, I guess I can ask them when I'm over there on Sunday.

Laurel: Yeah,

Daniel: because we do have to reach out to them.

Laurel: Yeah. Maybe.

Daniel: We'll see. We don't know that they've won yet.

it would be a plus if our soon to be friendship grows and discovers how much fun it is to take another couple with us camping in our travel trailer.

Nichole: Aw. All right.

Daniel: I love to fish.

Not so much with Dave.

Nichole: She doesn't like to fish with Dave. Yeah. Or Dave. Not so much. Likes to fish.

Daniel: Unclear.

Nichole: I need a fishing buddy.

Daniel: Maybe Dave is forced to be the silent cling on in this. Like, she's like, oh,

I love to cook. When we camp. Being Italian, I can whip up many a meals via inside the trailer as well as on the grill. I love watching Dave use his magic fingers all 11 of them. Is that a, I think that's a dick. That's a, that's a dick joke. That's a dick joke. I do not like to think of the dick as a large 11th finger.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: knuckles.

Laurel: Mm. Prehensile.

Daniel: Cracks.

Laurel: Stop. Stop.

Daniel: I think you may find them. This is still in reference to the, uh, the fingers. Yeah. I think you may find them awesome as well. Oh, by the way, I think I forgot to mention that I'm a bit on the BBW side. It's a big, beautiful woman.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: If that doesn't work for you, that's okay too. We appreciate you taking the time to read this.

Nichole: Aw, Dave and Marge. They're just really sweet.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Hashtag not all swingers.

Nichole: I'm glad that you found this one because it does restore my faith in humanity.

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: and I want to be this sexually active when I am their age.

Laurel: assuming they're like 80 or whatever,

Nichole: I don't assume that they're 80.

Daniel: 65 and 69.

Nichole: Nice.

Daniel: She's 69.

Nichole: Ooh, younger man.

Daniel: Desired age range. 35 to 99.

Laurel: Hell yeah.

Nichole: Yeah, they don't discriminate.

Laurel: Get it. Merge

Nichole: Okay. So who's the worst and the least worst?

Laurel: we've got no homo.

Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. And we have, we will block you.

Laurel: Yeah, we, we'll,

Daniel: we'll, we'll block you, if you're under 39.

Laurel: and then we have Dave and Marge.

Daniel: my worst is the one with the most all caps yelling.

also because they repeated their entire yelling paragraph a second time.

Nichole: Girls V funky.

Daniel: Yes. Girls V funky. A agreed.

Nichole: Oh, for sure.

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: Yeah. That's the worst.

Laurel: Yes.

Daniel: So what's the second worst?

Nichole: N Vixen?

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: they were more classic, unicorn hunters, digging up the old gems like, be clean.

Daniel: Yes. And do not kiss or make eye contact.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Hey buddy, this isn't love making. Okay.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: So the least worst is Dave and Marge who we're gonna join for a barbecue.

Laurel: Yep.

Daniel: That's right. Is if there's grilling described, I think that like universally in all the. Unicorn hunter. Hunter scatter shots that we've done. If they talk about grilling, then we're in.

Nichole: Yeah. I think the two that we've talked about where we're like, yeah, we'd go over, not so much to unicorn, but just the hangout have involved barbecue.

That is

Laurel: true. Yeah.

Nichole: Because I think this says a lot about us.

Laurel: They're offering something other than just some stringent hookup fantasy.

Nichole: We're like food, we're there.

Thank you.