Nichole: When Daniel and I went to, the first and only Blazers game that I've ever been to-

Laurel: Mm-hmm

Nichole: had a stand that was like, you know, you could get a certificate for it being your first Blazers game, and you got a pin and stuff. I was like, "I want one." And the guy was like, "This is mostly for kids." And I was like, "It's still my first game." So . i signed, and I got a little, like-

certificate and a little button that was like- ... "My first Blazers game."

Daniel: Were you, like, posing with the Trail Cat mascot or something too?

Nichole: No.

Laurel: Was it- Daniel comes back and Nicole's just got, like, a cotton candy in one hand. And I know it's a basketball game, but I'm just gonna say one of those baseball helmets full with ice cream.

Nichole: Yeah. And I'm next to the Trail Blazers mascot- Yeah ... and I'm in head-to-toe Trail Blazers gear. Uh-huh. All of a sudden I'm in the center court and I'm doing the free throw at the halftime.

Laurel: But it's off of a trampoline.

Nichole: Yeah. And I'm suddenly... Like, I go from first game ever to biggest fan.

Daniel: You would make an incredible mascot, I think.

Like, if I actually came back and you were the mascot, I feel like you would take it so seriously, and you would do such a good job.

Laurel: But it's just Nicole. Like, Nicole- ... the Trail Blazers mascot.

Daniel: It would be better than the one that they have.

Laurel: Yeah. The Trail Blazers Nicole.

Daniel: The, the, the Trail Blazers trail slut.

Nichole: are you saying that I would, like, do well, like, in a, in a head-to-toe costume?

Daniel: Yes. Yeah. Or- You would, you would come to work every day with the energy.

You would, like, have your entire array of, like, moves that you did.

Nichole: Uh-huh.

Daniel: You'd be protective of the brand.

Nichole: Uh-huh. I don't like mascots.

Daniel: They scare you?

Nichole: Yeah. Yeah. I don't like not being able to see somebody's face. Mm. Yeah. the one mascot that I was okay with being near me was, , Dillon the Dill Pickle mascot- Really?

for the Portland Pickles. Yeah. Because it was stripper night.

Laurel: Mm.

Nichole: And so there were a bunch of strippers there. and he was also, like,

Daniel: Mm ...

Nichole: in a G-string and like- In a

Laurel: pickle bikini.

Nichole: Yes. And I gave him dollar bills.

Daniel: I just like that because I feel like it's really, uh, it's really pro-Semitic. You know, just-

Laurel: A pickle mascot?

Daniel: Yeah, the pickle mascot- Mm ... and also sexualizing it.

Mm-hmm. I'm all, all for... I'm, like, firmly in favor of sexualizing pickles. Thank you.

Welcome to Polyamory Hour. I'm Daniel.

Nichole: I'm Nicole.

Laurel: And I'm Laurel.

Nichole: So is that your platform that you're running ... You said that so officially.

Yeah.

And also nobody asked, like

Daniel: I only provide strong takes that nobody asked for. That's, that's kinda my thing.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Oh, I have a strong take right now.

Nichole: Oh.

Daniel: You always say that bones to pick have to be polyamory related, but this, this just really makes me angry.

Laurel: Oh, okay.

Nichole: Okay.

Daniel: are we branding it as a bone to pick?

Nichole: I have no idea what it is.

Laurel: We don't know what it is. I'm going to. It's a bone to pick.

Daniel: Em dashes used to be, like, the mark of simply, , good writing. And now people Believe that it's the hallmark and the giveaway for, like, AI. Like, oh, AI overuses em dashes. Because it's trying to emulate good writers, so it looks to, like, writing that is commonly perceived of as good writing.

Laurel: How does it know?

Daniel: Who the fuck knows?

People tell it, like direct it. It's trained on,

Nichole: I wonder if this is even true. That's my question. Is this true?

Daniel (2): I don't know. But here's the thing, is that there now there's this tremendous backlash against the em dash because people are like, "Oh, we need to strip out all the em dashes so we don't sound like AI."

and in just a little while, once we stop all using em dashes, the AI that's being trained on what we're presenting will then stop using em dashes, and then we'll be like, it's like the sneetches on beaches thing, where you just have to get the fucking star applied and removed and applied and removed.

like the king has a kind of fashion and then everybody dresses like the king and then the king doesn't wanna look like the commoners anymore, but now our fucking king is a robot god.

Laurel: One more. One more metaphor or simile.

Daniel: Just a second. Let me consult the AI.

Laurel: Uh, also say sneetches on beaches one more time.

Daniel: Sneetches

Laurel: on beaches. No, just say it. Yeah, just say it. Say it.

Daniel: I can't take the music-

Laurel: Just say it, Daniel ...

Daniel: I can't take the music out of the boy

Daniel: Anyway, I am dreading whatever endless cycle with trying to not be like AI, and then AI trying to be like us, that this portends. Like this is, the beginning of something bad.

Laurel: Yeah. It's like this inverse hallucination.

Like they talk about like metaphorically AI hallucinating shit and like making stuff up. But I think now people are just hallucinating that things are AI when they're- Yeah ... not, and they're... And the only people that I have ever heard say the em dash thing are just like schlubs on Reddit.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: It just becomes like the blind leading the blind.

Daniel: Yep. Mm-hmm.

Laurel (2): Like, , in other ableist terms.

By the way, I'm A card-carrying socialist now.

I got My DSA membership card.

Nichole: for the, uh, national organization or the, um, Portland chapter?

Laurel: The Portland, the Portland chapter of the DSA.

Nichole: Nice.

Where four of our council members Also are members

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: I mean, they're also all in a polycule.

Laurel: Yeah. That is true. I heard it on Reddit.

Daniel: Speaking of socialist polycules, Oh, I just slipped into that, that nice segue. Ooh, it's so comfortable.

Laurel: Is- Well, you gotta finish the segue and then congratulate yourself on it.

Nichole: We will never, ever break him of that habit. Yeah. He will go full force into congratulating himself before we even catch up.

Daniel: Yeah. Just a second, I need to go jerk off to that segue that I just made.

Laurel: See, now, like, now we don't even remember where we started, and we can't even appreciate the segue for what it is.

Daniel: Speaking of communist polycules, we've all now completed a modern television show, which I think celebrates the communist polycule in all of its glory.

We have all now completed

season One of Pluribus, and we would like to ask, is this poly?

Nichole: So this was a suggestion from a Stubert, right?

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: Somebody asked us to-

Laurel: Someone asked us ages ago.

Nichole: Yeah, 'cause this show- I think-

came out ages

Laurel: ago. Yeah, via non- anonymous form.

Nichole: But in a very poly way-

Laurel: Mm ...

Nichole (2): and I could not finish it until his partner Nancy came over to finish the show with us.

So we had to, like, stop watching it Because we started it with

Daniel: Also, like, we had to communicate with Nancy, like, when we had watched episodes, and it felt very much like relationship disclosure stuff too. Yeah. Like, uh, just so you know, we added another partner while you were gone.

Episode five.

Laurel: That's a s- nerve-wracking conversation.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Worse than the STI one.

I watched y- our show without you.

Nichole: Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, okay. Pluribus. Pluribus.

Daniel: Pluribus. Pluribus. Pluribus.

okay, presume that it is just about polyamory.

Yeah. I think some really interesting things emerge. Okay?

Nichole: Okay. Okay. Do we have to recap what Pluribus is though for people who have not seen it?

Daniel: The basic plot is that there's, like, a kind of virus from outer space that comes on a radio signal, and the result of it is that everybody becomes, like, one hive mind except for a few people who are somehow immune at the beginning the series.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: the Pluribus, the, the, uh...

I just wanna call it a Pluribus, like, 'cause it sounds kinda like polycule. Like, it's also... They both sound, like, weird, like,

Laurel: like-

Daniel: Can we start calling- ... biological ...

Laurel: our polycule a Pluribus?

Daniel: isn't it a Threagle? Or maybe the broader polycule. Like, we're a Threagle. Yeah,

Laurel: we're the Threagle that's part of a greater Pluribus.

Daniel: Great.

Laurel: Nicole doesn't like it.

Daniel: I think that all of our fans because this goes out over the radio waves or whatever-

Nichole: Oh. ...

Daniel: collectively we and all Stubertdom are the Pluribus.

Nichole: I think that I can get behind.

Maybe. Nicole is so suspicious. I just like... I just really like my alone time.

Like, I just was thinking about this with, like, if I got Pluribused. Oh, you wouldn't- Like, I wouldn't know any better. Yeah. Right? But, like, ooh.

Daniel: It's, it's a lot like the, consent paradox with vampirism-

Nichole: Right

Daniel: where you can't- Right ... really consent in an informed way to becoming a vampire because your entire personality will change

Laurel: Yeah. It's not- Yeah ... you anymore.

Daniel: Yeah. Exactly.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Okay. So the first thing that I noticed that is, that is, like, funny if you look at this as all a polycule, is that their...

initially their primary re- recruitment tactic is just making out.

Nichole: That's true. The virus spreads initially-

through saliva.

Daniel: Yeah.

And so they just approach people in the hallways of this, like, lab building, and they just start, like, making out with each other.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: That's fun.

Nichole: They do go from making out to licking donuts and putting them back in the box. In the box.

Daniel: Which is also a very pol- No.

Nichole: I mean, licking donuts does feel like some kind of metaphor.

so are you saying that's how poly spreads?

Daniel: Yes. Yeah.

Nichole: We make out with people?

Daniel: Yeah. and the people who are resistant to it like, our main character gives super monogamous old-school lesbian vibes-

Nichole: Mm-hmm ...

Daniel: And is closeted.

Nichole: Oh, that's right, she is. So before everyone gets pluribus-ed, she's a romance novel writer- Yeah

that writes super heteronormative romance novels. Wanted it to be a lesbian romance novel, decided against that in order to sell out to the man and make money.

Laurel: And now she's a depressed alcoholic.

Daniel: And she remains a depressed alcoholic and very, like, isolationist person- Yeah ... as far as her personal life.

Like, even after the rest of the world, even more so when the rest of the world becomes a single being.

Laurel: Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel: I also thought, that it's very poly in that they are, like, terrible at dealing with direct conflict.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Daniel: Like, so when Carol gets upset with them, if you yell at the Pluribus, then they all, like, have a seizure and, like, millions of people die, like, every time.

Like, you can't yell at them.

Nichole: Yep. Yeah.

Daniel: And this made me think of the way that our relationship used to be, Laurel.

Laurel: You can't yell at me.

I'll still glitch out. And about a million of me will die.

Daniel: But you do k- you did kind of, like, , glitch out in conflict, right?

Laurel: I don't know what you're talking about.

Daniel: You, you would get very quiet. There would be this, what we would call the shutdown. But what if that was, like, throughout the polycule? If I yelled at Laurel, um-

Laurel: And everyone shut down?

Nichole: And I shut down?

Daniel: Yeah, and like, and Sean in Germany, like ...

Nichole: Um- That'd

Laurel: be wild

Nichole: They also can't lie.

Laurel: Oh, yeah.

That's

Nichole: right. Yeah. So the Pluribus cannot lie, and they're conflict avoidant. So they just try to dance around things-

Yes ...

in a very, like, corporate speak way. Carol's, uh, wife died during the Pluribus thing.

Yeah.

and The wife had read, Carol's first take on, like, something outside of the romance novel genre. Yeah. Yeah. Right? and because all, everyone was Pluribused, Carol's wife's, consciousness is still inside all of these people.

So she asks Did my wife like the book?"

And the answer is basically, like, " it feels a little like some of my exes that just, like, wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear.

You know? But in a way that would, like, they could deny later.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah.

Daniel: But along those lines, they're also, like, super consent conscious, like consent obsessed, but totally happy to find, like, weird loopholes and workarounds and technicalities.

Laurel: Yes. Yeah. Is it but also can they not do harm?

Nichole: They cannot do harm. They can't- Yeah ... kill anything. Yeah. Not, they can't even pick an apple off the tree.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: So they're super orthorexic too. Like, they have weird dietary restrictions that you have to respect.

Nichole: So the consent thing is that, like, of the people who are not pluribus-ed, they're like, "We can't pluribus you unless you give us your explicit consent."

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Um, so there's a spoiler. Should we say the spoiler?

Daniel: They find ways around the consent

Nichole: Yeah, they find ways around the consent basically.

Daniel: Okay, and so when they do, like, finally have too much of the conflict, they say, " We're just gonna need some space." So they're doing therapy speak. They're weaponizing therapy speak.

Nichole: Oh my God.

Daniel: And then they just, like, peace out. they all leave

Laurel: the

Daniel: city.

Laurel: They... Yeah, they evacuate an entire city to leave Carol alone

Nichole: because she's- And they deliver her things with drones.

They deliver everything

Daniel: They're like, Can you just put our blanket on the porch?"

you know, hence the previous segue, they're really fucking communist in a lot of ways.

And I think that the people who have the most resistance to the pluribusing are, coming at it from pretty, like, capitalist standpoints. Like Carol because she doesn't want to, like, let them bring her food and cook for her-

she just has them completely repopulate the local deserted grocery store.

Yeah.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Where another guy who is, like, super anti-pluribus, he does this long road trip, and he can't accept anything from, like, even abandoned cars. He's, like, siphoning gas out of them- Yeah ... and leaves IOUs everywhere. Yeah. Et cetera.

Nichole (2): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the people who do wanna get pluribused, of the people who were left behind-

are very communal - Like, or at least we see one of them, who lives in a situation where it's a communal village.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: and she wants to join her family-

Daniel: Yeah ...

Nichole: in the pluribusing.

Laurel: It is definitely like drawing on those questions of like individualism versus collectivism, Like the catch being like the idea that you are not you anymore if you become part of the collective.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Like they're trying to explain to Carol along the way of like what it is like to be part of this-

Nichole: Mm-hmm ...

Laurel: collective. and Carol is just like terrified of it and just assumes that they're all pod people essentially.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Like, the way that she looks the Pluribus-

Nichole: Mm-hmm ...

Daniel: just vibes-wise, one, really, really reminded me of the way that, like, monogamous people talk about and look at poly people.

Nichole: Mm.

Laurel: Yeah. Yes.

Daniel: Yeah. Like, "Ugh, those people. Like they all, like, sleep in a cuddle puddle.

Oh my God."

when, Carol is feeling weird about how much they are helping, Manúsos, the other guy who is- Mm-hmm

like very anti- , Pluribus. When she, like, pushes them on the topic, they go, " like the ultimate extreme of non-hierarchical thinking, and I think some of the intent is to show how ridiculous it is in certain contexts- Mm-hmm

because they can't, like, survive if, like, the apple is is an equal member of the polycule.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Like-

Laurel: Yeah. They wait for it to fall.

Daniel: Just like I wait for partners to leave other people's molecules before I-

collect them as windfall.

Laurel: Yeah. I can't remember why they don't just like let them go about their business.

Nichole: Who?

Laurel: The people who haven't been pluribised yet. Like- It's a

Nichole: biological imperative.

Daniel: Yeah. They just kinda hand wave it every time, and they're like, "We just need to do it.

It's in our nature. like we can't stop dating.

Laurel: It's in my nature.

Nichole: think the points that you've made as far as like how it mirrors polyamory make a lot of sense. but is the show poly? because I would argue no.

Daniel: like does it have some cloaked poly references with the Cuddle Puddles and the,

Nichole: No. I don't think it does. I think it is straight-up science

Daniel: A lot of people would say the same thing about functional polyamory.

Nichole: Yeah. I don't think you can get away from the entire shared consciousness.

This freaked me out, and I didn't like it, She sleeps with, like, one of the Pluribus people.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Right? That means she's sleeping with, like, the consciousness of, like, all of her family.

Daniel: Yes. Yes, this is true.

Laurel: Is it their consciousness or is it just their memories?

if they're still alive, it's their consciousness-

Nichole: Oh ...

Laurel: I guess.

Nichole: They talk about this, that she does not have parents.

That means she probably doesn't have any grandparents. But that- She doesn't have any, like, uncles or aunts or anything like that.

Laurel: Yeah. That other guy, the hedonist guy, he is fucking everybody though.

Nichole: Everybody, yes.

Daniel: they didn't really address inter-Pluribus sexuality, if that's a thing.

Like, are they having sex just to satisfy biological, like, needs and urges? Does that still exist? And if so, is it just like jerking off? Like, do they need to numb the, the hand somehow, like, to make it feel like it's a different person?

Nichole: I don't know that we'll get the answers to these questions. I just don't think it's poly.

Laurel: Like, throughout it, I was like, I think that I'm supposed to be rooting for Carol. And I'm not sure if that, like, it, if it is supposed to be, like, intentionally kind of am- ambiguous, or if Carol is supposed to be the hero and I am just so Pluribus-pilled in my polyamory-

that I'm like- ... I don't know if it is worse.

Daniel: So you've gone to, instead of asking, "Is this poly?" You're asking, "Am I Pluribus?"

Laurel: Yes.

Nichole: I mean, what would you do?

Laurel: I don't think I do it. I think It's hard to say 'cause I think the idea of, like, melding your consciousness is both, like, terribly exciting and terrible.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: and so there would be, like, a real deep fear of losing yourself. and to, like, Daniel's vampyr point, Like there isn't a real way to, like, consent to it.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Or I guess, I mean, on the flip side it's like, okay, once I do this I know I will, like, be happy once I'm there.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

But

Laurel: you also know- 'Cause everybody is, but- ...

Nichole: that you're gonna starve to death in 10 years.

Laurel: Yeah, maybe, but, probably going to anyway.

if everyone around you is pluribised and- Yeah ... you're not.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: And then if everybody dies except for seven people in the world, like, do I wanna go on living?

Nichole: Ooh, yeah. That's a good point.

Daniel: Then your descendants definitely will be fucking their family.

Laurel: Yeah. True.

Nichole: All right, Daniel.

The- Is it poly is the question that I'm asking.

Daniel: Uh, l- like, it gets down to, like, the nature of, like, what love and romance is,

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: I believe um, I believe that one should sexualize pickles. And I believe that to feel love requires individuality.

you can't, feel love the same way as one collective entity, that you can when you have individuality and you are exchanging love with another individual.

And I think one of the things that defines polyamory, for me, is love, so I'm gonna say no, with the caveat that I do think th- there is some conscious nod to polyamory in the writing of this show.

Nichole: Wow, okay.

Daniel: I'm sure Vince Gilligan, knows about polyamory.

Laurel: Vince Gilligan, if you know about polyamory and are listening to this podcast, write to us at polyamorousdrawer@gmail.com.

Nichole: I don't know. What's the scene like in Albuquerque?

Daniel: It's just kinda Alba-quirky.

Nichole: You know that they have some kind of, like, Alba-queer thing going on.

I- if we have listeners in Albuquerque- Yeah ... please let us know. You have to have some kind of organization, a night at a club, whatever it is, that says Alba-queer, right?

Daniel: Yes, absolutely. Um-

Nichole: Yes, absolutely. Is this-

Daniel: Absolutely ...

Nichole: is this part of your platform?

Your

Daniel: descendants will definitely be having sex with pickles. 'Cause you can't eat them because it's taken the life of the pickle, so- No.

Laurel: The pickles- No, the pickles- ... are not alive in and of themselves.

Daniel: What about the probiotics?

Laurel: That's a good point.

Nichole: No. This is not, no. No. No.

Laurel: But, like, you're eating bacteria and shit.

Like, those are alive.

Daniel: If you can't eat a pickle, the next best thing is to fuck a pickle.

Nichole: Oh my God. That would fuck up your pH so bad.

Laurel: Yeah

Daniel: You heard it here first, folks

Laurel: Don't fuck your pickles.

Nichole: All right, what's next?

Daniel: Your call. Your call

Nichole: I mean, I think PIP IOP, right?

Laurel: PIP IOP- Because we have- ... 'cause it

Nichole: sounds

Laurel: like pickle. Pip Pickle.

Nichole: this is gonna be the pickle episode, isn't it?

Daniel: Y- you know, my nickname in high school was Pip Pickle.

Nichole: Pip Pickle?

Daniel: Yeah.

Daniel: Cause I was Jewish, and because I was reading a lot of Dickens, 'cause, and Pip, you know, from...

Laurel: So full of shit. So full of shit.

Nichole: Well... Again- ... babe, it's, it's not just the mouth opening and, like, that's what gives you away. It is the expectant look- ... of, like, "Did I get 'em? Did I get 'em?"

Daniel: I still consider this particular fib as a success, because for the briefest moment, you questioned whether it could be true, and what that tells me is that my branding leading up to this point is really strong.

That, like, you believe that I could've been called Pip Pickle makes me feel like I've really s- shown you my true self.

Nichole: Pip Pickle. Jesus. Ugh. All right.

So PIP IOP is poly in public invasion of privacy, and this is where we come across things- ... in the news, and today is pretty much all pop culture stuff.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Right?

So we've got a couple. the first is, a letter to Dear Abby- ... that was published today.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: So this is hot off the presses.

Nichole: Dear Abby, my wife and I have been married for four years. When we got married, we were both monogamous. We wanted kids and a classic nuclear family, and our interests and political beliefs were similar.

We had three kids in 15 months,"

Laurel: whoa, "

Nichole: and received no help from anyone. I wasn't the perfect husband. I sought out other women via online dating sites, though I never cheated. Toward the end of our fourth year of marriage, my wife slept with another man who has been a friend of hers since she was younger.

Now she wants an open relationship. She wants to go over to other men's houses at all hours of the night."

Nichole: If she goes out, she usually doesn't return until 4:00 AM or later.

I have seen texts with other men she calls sexy, telling them she's attracted to them, among other sexual language. I told my wife I'm not a jealous person, but I'm not polyamorous, and it's driving me crazy that she refuses to stop. She claims I'm trying to control and isolate her, and that it's my job to get over my jealousy.

What can I do to reach her? What would you say?

Leave her? Like, what?

So Abby says

Laurel: Yeah, what does Abby say? "

Nichole: You have serious decisions to make. Among them, what is best for your three children and yourself?

It isn't controlling to want a monogamous marriage. If that lifestyle no longer interests your wife, I don't think she's going to be willing to change her ways. Frankly, I am shocked that after parenting three children for four years, she has the energy to stay out all night."

And frankly, Abby, I agree. I don't know who would have the energy to do that.

Daniel: Yeah. I mean, maybe it's just all pent up. She has been, like, basically housebound, and now, like, the night beckons.

Nichole: I mean, maybe, but Abby goes further to say, "Could there be something hormonal going on with her?"

Oh, fuck you.

Postpartum depression?

Daniel: Don't pathologize fucking polyamory. "

Nichole: Consult a licensed mental health professional to help you figure out what may be going on. And while you're at it, talk with an attorney, not only about your options, but also about child custody, if necessary."

So it's interesting, right? I wish that this Detroit News had comments, because I'm curious what people would think. because yeah, I'm like, wow, do we really have to pathologize, polyamory? But also, what she's doing is not polyamory.

Daniel: No. Well, don't pathologize being a slut.

Laurel: I mean, she has unilaterally decided she is not gonna be monogamous- Yes

Nichole: with her

Laurel: husband anymore.

Nichole: Yeah, and doesn't care about his boundaries or his feelings.

Daniel: as an autonomous being, I mean, she does like, I feel like have the right to be like, "I don't wanna be monogamous anymore, and if you wanna stay with me, you have to be okay with that." I don't think that there's actually anything m- you know, inherently ethically dubious about that.

Nichole: Hmm ...

Daniel: what do you think? Like, what if you were in a monogamous relationship and you discovered that you didn't wanna be monogamous? You know? Stu, but it's, I just, I just shot the, the, uh, the drama eyes over at Laurel.

Laurel: The drama prairie dog.

Nichole: yeah. I guess, Laurel, what's your, what's your take on this?

Laurel: yes, it's, like, ethically dubious to cheat on your spouse, which she did. She started out doing that.

Nichole: Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Laurel: I'm also dubious of his, like, "I sought out women on dating apps- Yeah ... but didn't cheat." But didn't cheat. Yeah. Bullshit. I, I think what it means is he, like, didn't put his dick in them.

obviously we don't know the whole story. If it is actually true the way he's imagining it and she's just like, "Yeah, I'm just gonna keep doing this and you can't control me," then that's like fucked up and weird.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Laurel: As opposed Hi, I've realized this thing that I want." I mean this is like what I did with my husband. One, I did cheat.

but when like when I did realize that like polyamory was a thing and like talked to my ex about it, I was like, " This is what I need and I'm very likely not gonna be able to put this cat back in the bag."

Mm-hmm. "And so like we need to decide what that means

Daniel: I just pictured your pussy as a feral animal that you're trying to stuff and it's, you know-

Laurel: Shove in a bag

Daniel: it's got claws and it's screeching.

Laurel: That is how it is. So there is a difference between having a conversation about it and

And then just going out and doing whatever you want and just being like, "Bitch." It's

Nichole: your problem if you have a problem- Yeah ... with this.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: like to your point, or was it your point?

I can't tell you two apart. To someone's point, I don't trust him. I don't trust his tone. I don't trust that what he's saying is necessarily an accurate reflection of what his wife is doing or saying. The all hours, "She has to go out at all hours."

Nichole: Yeah, we don't know. I do think it's within Abby's purview to ask if there is like some postpartum depression. You know? Like I don't think it's pathologizing sluttiness. I think that it's like this person is not acting ethically.

Daniel: then I sh- would argue that she should also ask married dude who is seeking out women on the internet- Agreed ... maybe you should look into your hormones.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Are you, uh, are you experiencing, like, ED based on testosterone, like, imbalances? Yeah. Like, maybe you are having manopause.

Nichole: Yeah, no, I agree. I mean- ... neither of them are,

Laurel: like I mean, like, having kids does shit to you. And having... What do they have, three or four kids?

Nichole: Three kids? They had three kids in 15 months.

Laurel: Three kids

Nichole: in 15 months. I don't even know how biologically that works.

Daniel: Wait, twins?

Nichole: They must have had a set of twins

Laurel: or something.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: whatever is going on with the n- non-monogamy situation in this relationship is not the issue.

Nichole: It's not, no.

Laurel: Like, the issue is, they're both unhappy and unsatisfied with their lives in some way, and were looking for-

Nichole: Yeah ... something else. And this having three kids in 15 months and raising them with no help from anyone ever-

Laurel: Yeah ...

Nichole: was supposed to bring them happiness and it didn't.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: You know where I thought this was going when you started?

Nichole: Huh?

Daniel: I thought it was gonna be like, "We had three kids in 15 months, and we've turned now to polyamory in order to, uh, get-" Help

Nichole: us raise

Daniel: the children ...

Nichole: childcare. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What, do they need Abby's permission?

Daniel: What's our next pip in the IOp?

Nichole: So I have, just a, a, a quick quick one, that has to do with every, boomer parent's favorite show, Jeopardy!. Um...

so this is from, Philadelphia City Life. headline, " Everybody wants to know if Philly's Jeopardy!

champ is single. Well, the answer is a bit complicated."

so this guy Greg is on Jeopardy and everyone is like, "Oh my God, he's so hot."

Yeah.

apparently more people are searching for Greg Shahade wife on Google than searching for Greg Shahade Jeopardy. Because the public wants to know if he's single or not. Oh my God. and he says he's been getting lots of messages, and some are a little bit more intimate than he would like.

Daniel: are these sexts written in the form of a question?

Nichole: I mean, if somebody's then is sliding into his DMs-

Daniel: Yeah. What is this hard-on that I have?

Nichole: so is Greg married? Does he have a wife, a husband? What's the deal? America wants to know.

Greg is certainly unmarried. He's also non-monogamous. In fact, he's polyamorous.

Daniel: Whoa. They- "In fact, he's not just polyamorous-" "... he's an pluribus."

Nichole: I'm never going to be monogamous, but I'm not really super actively seeking things out right now," he says.

" But that doesn't mean I'm not open to things. Does that make sense?" Yes. He says. I get it, Greg. He's not private about being polyamorous. His Instagram bio is, "Chess, Jeopardy, CrossFit, poly, donut expert." Um, and he's blogged about his experience being polyamorous.

Daniel: Oh my God. Oh my God, you guys. You guys. What? Real, real quick, We haven't done this in a long time.

Nichole: What?

Daniel: Read alert.

Laurel: For Greg?

Daniel: For Greg.

Nichole: For Greg. For Greg.

Laurel: Greg.

Nichole: Hey, Greg.

Laurel: Greg.

Nichole: What's up?

Laurel: We'll drop into your DMs with something appropriate.

Daniel: We want, we wanna have you on the show for a segment that we will call Poly Jeopardy!

Nichole: Ooh. Ooh. Are we gonna play a game show with him?

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Okay.

Laurel: Greg, email us, polyamateurhour@gmail.com.

Daniel: If you know Greg in Philadelphia, is that right? Philadelphia. If you are sleeping with Greg, please turn him on. Do, do the poly pyramid scheme where you tell somebody that you're sleeping with.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: If you are trying to sleep with Greg and you succeed, tell him. Sleep with Greg in order to tell him about Polyamature Hours- ... is what I'm trying to say.

Nichole: Oh, boy. so- He says that it makes people crazy to even hear the word polyamory.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: he's like, " I don't know. For me it's not that strange.

It's pretty normal. I wouldn't say it's boring exactly, but it's not like crazy things are happening. I feel like I live a pretty normal romantic life. One of the most important things to me is to help make polyamory more mainstream." Greg. It's very, very interesting.

Daniel: We love you, Greg.

Nichole: We love Greg.

Laurel: We love Greg.

Nichole: I really hope-

Laurel: We love Greg ...

Nichole: I hope Greg doesn't do anything bad.

Daniel: We don't have many role models, Greg, so you're gonna have to represent polyamory in a- You, you have to- ... in a positive light ...

Laurel: you have to live a perfect life from here on out.

Nichole: Yeah, because you know what? Greg. Neo's not doing it.

Laurel: Yeah. Neo

Nichole: is- Just so you guy- just so you know, guys, there's yet another headline about Neo. Oh,

Laurel: fuck.

Nichole: Well, he's also saying that being polyamorous is losing him gigs and losing him opportunities. He's saying that people are judging him for being polyamorous and that's why he's not getting as many deals.

Laurel: Oh.

Daniel: I don't know. That seems believable.

Laurel: Maybe.

Nichole: Maybe. Who knows? Yeah. Or maybe- Or

Laurel: maybe it's the country turn

Nichole: it could be that. Or that he's kind of an asshole with his polyamory. I mean, he doesn't allow his, his girlfriends to date other people.

Yeah.

Laurel: Yeah. That's Mostly why he's losing gigs.

Nichole: Yeah. "

Laurel: I hear you're polyamorous, but in a one penis policy kinda way, you're out."

Nichole: So Greg, you have to fill this, like-

Neo-sized hole that we have now.

Daniel: Oh. Wow. Neo, come back when you have a second penis. what's next?

Nichole: Oh. hey all you millennials. Boy Meets World star William Daniels, 99, and his wife Bonnie Bartlett, 96, detail rules of their open marriage, quote-unquote. William Daniels most famously Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World

Daniel: explain Boy Meets World to me. I have no knowledge of this show. Is this a Nickelodeon thing?

Nichole: No. No. It was ABC. Yeah.

ABC, part of TJIS. Yes. Yes.

Daniel: That's what it was before. Okay. Why is this, like, so important to you that, um- ... Mr., Mr. Feely, Mr.-

Nichole: Jesus Christ, Daniel.

Daniel: Just, I just-

Laurel: Just... You

Nichole: can just excuse yourself.

Daniel: Feehy? Feeny.

Nichole: Feeny. Mr. Feeny.

Daniel: Mr. Feeny.

Nichole: Yeah.

Daniel: Who is Mr. Feeny? What is Boy Meets World? how does this, like, rewrite the canon?

Nichole: Okay. Okay. Okay. What is the elder Savage's name?

Laurel: Fred.

Nichole: Okay. Fred Savage, famous The Wonder Years

Daniel: The Wonder Years. Yes.

Nichole: I- And Princess Bride, right?

Daniel: I, I know these things.

Nichole: Yes. Yes. Gen X. Yeah, right? The Wonder Years follows from first kiss to, like, graduating high school maybe, I can't remember, with his best friend Marilyn Manson.

There's a rumor that the guy who played his best friend was actually- Yeah ... Marilyn Manson.

Daniel: I, I will totally help with the propagation of this

Nichole: rumor. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Boy Meets World is basically The Wonder Years in the '90s.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: So it's Ben Savage-

Daniel: Oh ...

Nichole: it has no relation to Wonder Years as far as the universe- Yeah

as far as any of the writers, any of the anything, but it is the same exact kind of story, right? His first kiss happens- Yeah ... in the first episode. It takes him all the way through college.

Daniel: It's a Savage coming of age.

Nichole: Yes.

Laurel: Uh-huh. Yes.

Daniel: Yes. Okay.

Nichole: So that's it, basically.

Daniel: All right.

now is Mr. Feeny his dad- ...

Laurel: in the show? Are, you're doing that on purpose now.

Daniel: What, what are you talking about?

Laurel: Oh, yeah. There we go. There we go. All right, Pip Pickle.

Nichole: Mr. Feeny, I'm just gonna call him Mr. Feeny-

Mm-hmm ...

and his wife were open, quote-unquote, in the '70s.

But it wasn't really open, they were just o- both working actors, both sleeping with other people- ... while they were ma- married, and, uh, Bonnie was miserable about it.

Daniel: And apparently they said, like, "We never talked about these things." "

Nichole: We never talked about it. We never had rules. We just, we just..." It, it's barely an open marriage.

Like- Yeah. ... you know, it was just a clickbaity headline.

Daniel: I think it was, Mr. Flutie, like, trying to say how cool he was, like, in the '70s. Like, "Man, we had no rules. We never needed to talk about shit."

Nichole: Isn't it cool enough that you are 99 and beloved-

Daniel: Yeah ...

Nichole: and still married to your wife, who is 96? Like, I think that w- we don't need clickbaity headlines from Mr.

Feeny.

Daniel: Yeah, unless they are reopening their relationship- What

Laurel: if that was just- ... in which case- ... the headline? "

Nichole: We don't need clickbaity headlines

Laurel: from Mr. Feeny"? No, it was just like, "Mr. Feeny and his wife still married."

Nichole: It's a slow news day,

Daniel: I guess. What if the headline was that they're reopening their marriage at 99 and 96?

Nichole: That would be great.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: That would be great.

Laurel: Yeah, Mrs. Feeny got over her trauma.

You should talk about things.

Don't just do them and traumatize your partner, is what we're learning in our Pip Eye op today.

Nichole: So that she doesn't talk about it to a news outlet- ... literally 50 years later. Like, literally 50 years have passed

Daniel: Well, now, now if you look at the timeline, now I read this article.

the quotes that they had from Bonnie-

Nichole: Mm-hmm ...

Daniel: they were, like, from the '80s or '90s or whatever.

Oh. Once they had alr- they had already closed their relationship- Wow, really? ... by like the, by the '90s or aughts. Anyway, they were old quotes. They were like, Bonnie had previously said how difficult it was for her

Nichole: this is old news?

Daniel: The Bonnie part is old news, M- Mis- Mr. Freaky is still out there, being like, "Did I tell you about my open marriage?"

Laurel: Is he just, like, trying to get famous one more time?

Nichole: He doesn't have to. he can live off of this forever, and he has lived forever because he's 99 years old.

Daniel: Yeah, but you know what- Wow ... one really needs to survive? Attention.

Nichole: Ah, yes.

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Laurel: More attention, please.

Daniel: Speaking of people who are desperate for attention.

Nichole: You're pretty okay with the segues today.

Daniel: Thank you. Pretty okay is the compliment that I was always searching for. Yeah.

Nichole: Well, I feel like I have to, like, semi-compliment you before you compliment yourself.

You know what I mean? Like...

Laurel: Head it off. Yeah. Head it off.

Daniel: Hey, you know what? I compliment your segues quite often as well, too.

Nichole: If and when I make them.

Laurel: Hey, you know what? It's time for Unicorn Hunter Hunters.

Nichole: Unicorn Hunter Hunters is the segment where we, find unicorn hunter profiles and we rate them on three categories, self-aggrandizement, arbitrary rules, and would we unicorn?

Laurel: We're a passionate, adventurous couple who love to share intense, unforgettable experiences, uh-oh, em dash, especially- ... with the right third. We're looking for a fit, confident, and decently endowed male who knows how to please. Intelligence turns us on, and a sense of humor is even better. If you're open-minded, sexually driven, and love the heat of a good MFM, we just might be your favorite new secret.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: Interest us, make us laugh-

Daniel: Do I have to? ...

Laurel: then make her moan.

Nichole: Interest us?

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Yeah.

Nichole: Whoa.

Daniel: is this a tap dancing and farting situation?

Laurel: Dance, monkey, dance. About. She's 5'6" of soft skin and dangerous curves, a tight frame with a plump, fuckable ass built to be held, covered in ink, pierced just enough to make you stare, and armed with a tongue that knows how to tease, taste, and take.

Daniel: Ugh. Tell me about, like, how you feel about when people describe people as built to be anything. . Like, it sounds like car language- Yeah ...

Laurel: to me. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah.

Daniel: Yes.

Laurel: A woodworker by trade, a sensualist by nature. She's part Gothic storm, part barefoot hippie, shy at first, but melts into moans under the right hands.

Nichole: What's a Gothic storm?

Laurel: she's, like, goth and erratic?

He's 6'2" of easy confidence and quiet control, lean with a toned build. As an NCO in the military, he brings that natural command, but without the ego. He's the kind of man who listens before he moves, then leaves a mark when he does.

Nichole: What?

Okay- Like, he's just constantly bumping into things.

Daniel: Yeah. He's, he's got a friend named Mark. And whenever he moves, he leaves Mark behind at the house which he has recently vacated.

Laurel: Ink and metal tell his story. Piercings and tattoos hint at what's underneath.

A man who's chill by nature- ... intense when it counts, and always tuned in to the energy in the

Nichole: The ink and the metal tell the story of the man underneath the ink and the metal?

Daniel: Like, he doesn't have- Yeah ... a personality. The ink and the metal are his-

Nichole: Are his personality

or

Daniel: his story, yeah.

Nichole: Or does he have, like, I am Chad- ... like, tattooed across his chest so that people know who he is.

Daniel: Maybe it's a Memento situation.

Nichole: Yeah, could

Laurel: be. Oh. Yeah.

We are into deep connection, filthy fun, and tension that simmers before it explodes. Whether it's camping under the stars, losing ourselves in bass-heavy EDM, or naughty bedroom fun, we are here for the experience, not just the act.

Our main interest is MFM threesomes. We are interested in eventually incorporating BBC. Oh.

Daniel: like, we're looking to incorporate BBC into our play. Into play. like it's a kink, not part of a human being's body that you are referring to-

Nichole: Yeah

Daniel: that is attached maybe they're upset about this, attached to a actual Black man.

Nichole: like, you would say, like, we're going to incorporate, you know, flogging, or, like, we're going to- Yeah ... incorporate nipple play. Like, we're not... You can't incorporate a person.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Wow.

Laurel: Yeah.

like what are you picturing, Nicole? Daniel showed me some pictures of these people.

Nichole: Uh-huh.

Laurel: And I wanna know w- like I know what I was picturing and then what I saw.

Nichole: Okay. Okay.

Laurel: What are you picturing?

Nichole: I'm picturing, a petite lady.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: Mm-hmm.

Betty Page bangs.

Laurel: Mm, mm-hmm.

Nichole: Head-to-toe ink.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Mm-hmm.

Nichole: Um, pierced nose. The, the vacant hole of a pierced lip-

Laurel: Mm, yeah ...

Nichole: that she had 'cause she had a pierced lip in the '90s. Yeah.

she wears exclusively black, black jeans, black tank tops.

Daniel: Mm, mm-hmm.

Nichole: He, is basically her but taller.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: shaved head, wears black, um, has a tattoo that says, "I am Chad." Also pierced.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Um, and likes to wear r- rings.

Laurel: Oh, yeah. Yeah, like big chunky rings. Big

Nichole: chunky rings. Yeah. One of them is definitely a skull.

Laurel: Oh, yeah. Hell yeah.

Daniel: So let's start now with a picture of her.

Nichole: Okay, so I didn't get the Bettie Page bangs, but I got, okay, eyeliner for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And she's got, you know, shaved half of a head. Um, she's intense.

Daniel: And here is a picture of him.

Nichole: What?

Daniel: Gonna describe what you are seeing for the Stupets?

Nichole: Oh my God. Uh, my math teacher on a beach. Like

No tattoos.

Daniel: Yeah. Wait, wait, there's, there's a tattoo. It is- You gotta

Nichole: zoom in for it ...

Daniel: there's-

Nichole: What is that, a woodpecker-

Daniel: Yeah,

Nichole: looks like- ...

Daniel: on his arm? Looks like a, looks like a woodpecker. It's some kind of bird.

Nichole: It's some kind of bird. He's on the beach. He's carrying his flip-flops. He's wearing jean shorts and a T-shirt.

Wait, what?

Daniel: Maybe she wrote this, broke up with the original guy, started dating this guy, and just is keeping- And just

Laurel: replaced the pictures.

Daniel: Yeah. And it's still just her primarily, like her interest. She just wants the MFM threesome, and this guy's interchangeable.

Nichole: Oh yeah, I also knew that they were both white.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: There's no way they could not be white.

Laurel: Well, they're looking to incorporate BBC.

Nichole: Yeah.

So he does say that the ink and-

Laurel: Yeah ...

Nichole: metal tells his story.

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: Okay.

I'm so confused. Yeah.

Laurel: It's like, what are you talking about?

Nichole: Does he mean his glasses? Like, that's the metal?

Daniel: Titanium frames- Yeah ... baby.

Nichole: Yeah. Is it his car? I don't understand where he's being in c- I don't, I don't-

Daniel: Is it his car?

Nichole: All right. Well...

self-aggrandizement.

Daniel: I'm thinking pretty darn high. This is a high drama reading.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Right?

Laurel: Mm-hmm. I hated reading this.

Daniel: Oh, yeah.

Laurel: It's- I hated it. I'm so

Nichole: sorry.

Daniel: But I don't know if I can go above an eight because there's so little detail because it's all, like, self-aggrandizement vibes, right?

Nichole: Yes.

Daniel: There's no, , stuff about, income.

You know, there's not dick lengths. I don't know. Can I go higher than eight? Can I go higher than eight?

Nichole: I think eight is fair, 'cause I would also give eight because I think that, like, it is vibes, but again, it's that standard unicorn hunter profile that's like, "We're the most adventurous and fun couple- Yeah

you will ever, ever meet. just be prepared to have the most fun. You'll have so much fun, you won't even know what fun is anymore because your entire life will just be fun."

Daniel: You know what? I'm bumping up to a nine. I gotta bump up to a nine. For the, for the line, "Ink and metal tell his story."

Nine.

Laurel: Fair. Fair. Fair.

Nichole: Laurel?

Laurel: This is so overwritten, but says nothing.

Daniel: Yes.

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: And so, so I don't believe this l- the line that's, like, Natural command but without the ego." m- maybe your ego doesn't show up in, a militant way, but it's showing up in your writing.

Daniel: Now, I wondered whether she might have the writer of this. It looks more... Like, look at the pictures of her-

Nichole: Yeah ...

Daniel: and her vibe and her intensity, and you ask yourself, "Okay, could those words have come out of, like, doofus beach math teacher over here?" Like, no.

Nichole: Yeah. Maybe. Yeah.

Maybe.

It feels like- fridge magnet poetry wrote this- Yeah

profile. ' Cause it's just some words that are put together, that later you take a picture of it and you post it on Facebook because it's 2008, and you're like, "Ha ha. This is my funny poem that I wrote."

ugh. Okay, what's your number?

Laurel: I'm gonna say eight.

Nichole: Okay.

Laurel: It's missing some things, but it is also terrible. Terrible, bad, bad.

Nichole: Arbitrary rules?

Daniel: There are none, I believe.

Nichole: Uh, no, you gotta be fit.

Laurel: Yeah, you gotta be fit. You gotta be bae.

Daniel: Oh. You

Nichole: gotta

Laurel: be good. You gotta

Nichole: be... Sorry.

Daniel: Also confident.

Laurel: Fit, confident, decently endowed male.

Daniel: Yes, and you have to interest them.

Nichole: Yeah, interest us.

Laurel: Yeah.

Daniel: Amuse us. Amuse us, yes. Make us laugh.

Nichole: Yeah, I'm rating pretty high, like, because I, I think arbitrary,

Laurel: Yeah.

Nichole: And it's, like, setting up, like, you have to impress us- So I'm saying eight.

Daniel: Hm. I'm gonna go significantly lower. They just don't go on enough. There's not a bulleted list. Like, they're kind of vague things. Like, mm, fit, confident, I guess decently endowed. I guess, you know, I'll go seven. I can't, I can't go higher than seven.

Laurel: I'm gonna, I'm gonna go eight just for the BBC.

Nichole: would you unicorn?

Laurel: Were I a well-endowed man, no. I'm so offended that they lied about how tatted and pierced they are.

Daniel: Can you trust anything? '

Laurel: Cause you know what?

Nichole: My culture is not your costume. '

Laurel: Cause reading this, reading this I was like, "These people sound fucking horrible, but also could be really

Nichole: Yeah.

Laurel: I do not wanna hang out with them, but maybe I would fuck 'em.

Nichole: Mm-hmm. Based on that description alone. Based

Laurel: on that description.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah.

Laurel: But no.

Nichole: Daniel?

Daniel: Now, this is one where I am attracted to the woman.

Laurel: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: Mm. Like, this is kinda my type. She's got a queer haircut. Yeah. And she's a little goth. You know?

Nichole: She might be mentally unstable.

Daniel: Yes. Yep. Yeah, checks all the boxes. Yeah. Colors outside the lines and checks in the boxes.

but no. But this one was, like, kind of on the edge. Like, if it's just a one-time thing and I just get to, like, DP this lady or whatever- Mm-hmm ... and I never have to see these people again. The BBC, though, that is just- Yeah ... so gross. and the self-seriousness. Yeah. Yeah. Like, makes me worry about the mental instability. It's past the point of, like, the mental instability that I can kind of find kind of attractive.

Nichole: Yes. Yeah.

Mm.

Daniel: You know?

Nichole: D'accord I mean, I, I always wanted to fuck my math teacher